Hi, all! Annabelle Hawthorne here with the next exciting installment of Horny Monsters!
(I had a joke ready for today, but I forgot it. The caffeine has either kicked back in or left my body, oof)
New reader? Hey there, this is a long ass series about, well...just look at the title. It should be self explanatory. If you count the spin-off titles, I'm actually close to 200 chapters, which is probably 195 chapters more than what George has written in the last 9 years (and yet, he gets to be rich while I am forced to bargain shop for Icelandic Fish jerky). Anyways, yada yada, guy gets a blowjob in chapter 001, now we're managing relationship issues after a bunch of people/monsters/places have died since then. Go back and binge read it like people from the future will do with Stranger Things, only I hope I stick the landing better.
Returning reader, welcome back! I'm trying to stick with the every three weeks model for release for the foreseeable future, so please don't hesitate to check the bio for that schedule and any other updates (for example, some readers couldn't find a recent chapter, so I linked it there).
Look, I'll be real for a moment. Thank you. Thank you for still being here, for remembering to leave ratings, for being so enthusiastic. I'll admit it, I'm exhausted. Horny Monsters isn't the only thing I've written these last 9.5 years, but is by far the most comprehensive. Relationships take work, and I know I've been doing my part to keep things fresh and exciting. I'm glad you're still here, and I'm always trying my best to keep the momentum going. Someday, this series will come to an end. a big theme in this story is that all things do. I know I want to be around to see it, and I certainly hope I find most of you there.
For now, I don't know when that end will be (at least three books, minimum) but when that time comes, I'll post that final chapter and kick up my heels with a box of wine and a cheese wheel as I probably cry a whole lot over the single most important thing I've ever done beyond getting married and having kids.
If you can't make it, I understand. Otherwise,
It's a Date
Upon returning home, Mike tried to call Lily. When she didn't call or text him back, he tried to reach Beth. If anybody would be excited to take Leilani and Quetzalli shopping, it would be one of them. Sadly, Beth didn't answer. While the mermaid and the dragon chatted excitedly out by Naia's fountain, Mike tried to figure out who would be willing to take the two into town for a small shopping spree.
His options were limited for a companion experienced with human society. Perhaps Yuki? She had mentioned just this morning that she missed him as well, so perhaps asking her to help the others prep for a date was a bad idea. That, and though the kitsune was competent, she certainly didn't spend much time in the human world.
He made a quick list in his head of people who would be able to safely supervise such an outing. Sure, Beth and Lily would have been the best fit because of their eye for style and fashion, but he had no idea where they could be.
There were three options that came to mind right now. Dana and Tasia were two of them. That would have been a safe bet, except Tasia was still being hunted by the Order. Trips over to Dana's childhood home were one thing. Going into the city to do some dress shopping was far too risky, and he didn't know if Dana would be willing to do it by herself. She hated being away from Tasia.
He thumbed through his contacts until he reached the third name on the list and hit Call. It rang a few times before the phone clicked.
"Hello?" Ingrid's voice sounded like she had just woken up.
"Hey, it's me," he said. "Any chance you'd be up for some field work?"
"What kind?" Ingrid yawned. "Also, my rates are triple when I'm on vacation."
Mike couldn't help but chuckle. Ingrid, formerly of the Order, now worked for Eulalie. The Arachne typically had Ingrid working much smaller missions when she was secretly working for Tasia's dad, Alexandros. Between being insanely wealthy and having no proper work-life balance, Eulalie had opted to overpay for everything and ensure employee retention.
"Leilani and Quetzalli want to go dress shopping in the city," he replied. "They need an escort."
The fatigue vanished from Ingrid's voice. "You do know I'm chilling in a French hotel, right? I'm going to get a cheese platter the size of my head and go sit by the river Seine with a book for the rest of the afternoon with my date."
"Date? Did you meet somebody?"
"I did. He's about sixty years old and comes in a bottle. I plan on having him in my mouth all day, gonna suck him dry."
Mike laughed. "Lily's rubbed off on you. I can tell."
"Why didn't you ask her?"
"Can't find her, actually. What do you say? Want to help a couple of cryptids get ready for a date night?"
There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. Ingrid, after the events in Kensington, had become a member of the family much like Cyrus. Mike had even given her one of the houses he had purchased on their street so that she had a place to call her own.
"What if I said I'd buy you some clothes, too?" Mike offered. "You'll get paid, and you can pick up some new summer wear."
"We want a limo, too," she added.
"Excuse me?"
"Trust me on this, Radley. Leilani is royalty and Quetzalli is a dragon. They deserve to be chauffeured in style. Eulalie is already looking into a company that celebrities use. It'll be great." She lowered her voice. "Besides that, if you stick Leilani in a small sedan, that side of the car will sag."
"Fair point. Have them throw in some limo snacks and a sixty-year old bottle of cognac, too."
"Like a cheese tray the size of my head? I'm just going to bring my own. It's far better than whatever crap the limo company is going to find on such short notice. But they can't have my wine. I'm saving that for later." As Ingrid spoke, he could hear the rustling of fabric. "I can be there in twenty via rat portal. See you in a bit."
"Thank you, Ingrid. I appreciate it." Mike ended the call and looked at the others. "Good news. We're getting a limo for your outing and our date."
Quetzalli and Leilani cheered. Naia clapped her hands excitedly and spent the next several minutes telling them how much fun they were going to have. Yuki and Grace appeared shortly after, and the kitsune joined the discussion as well. Everyone threw out ideas for the date, from seeing a baseball game to reading a book in the park (which had been Amymone's addition).
By the time Ingrid arrived, Abella and some gargoyles had joined the discussion. Tink and Matilda were listening nearby, the goblin holding her daughter's hand as she walked along the walls of Naia's fountain. Looking for some peace, Mike swapped out with Tink. Matilda promptly bit his arm and wouldn't let go.
"Alright, who's going with me?" Ingrid said when she arrived. The mage was wearing a stylish coat and dress pants. She was also holding the biggest cheese platter Mike had ever seen.
"You're over-dressed," Yuki noted. "It's too hot out for that."
Ingrid shrugged. "It's fine. I intend to get a whole new wardrobe in about an hour anyway." She raised an eyebrow at Mike, then swatted at a little green hand that attempted to tear a hole in the cellophane of her platter. Ingrid glared at Matilda. "Mine."
Matilda spat out Mike's arm to bare her teeth at Ingrid. She leapt forward to attack her just as Tink scooped her up.
"Little booger be good," she declared, casually holding the toddler as Matilda threw a tantrum. Tink cast a glance in Grace's direction. "We go to Library, pick out new books. Does Baby Legs want come?"
Grace shook her head and pointed at Abella. "Roof?" she asked.
The gargoyle smiled and stuck out her wing. Grace immediately climbed onto it and moved to Abella's back, where she huddled in a small ball. "I will take the hatchling for now," she said, then flared her wings and leapt into the sky. Mike watched her take Grace up to the top of the nearest spire where the two of them would probably play tag and hide or seek with some other gargoyles, or even Kisa should she choose to join them.
He'd been up to the roof only a few times since expanding the estate into a castle. It really was the perfect obstacle course for a little Arachne.
"I guess we're off, then." Ingrid moved toward the nearest door with Quetzalli and Leilani right behind her. Mike used his magic to locate the nearest member of the Fae Guard.
"Send two with them," he said. The ethereal creature simply nodded, the message sent telepathically to the others. Mike wasn't entirely certain what these fae even were. According to Titania, they were wild magic given a purpose, but that was all she had disclosed. It was probably for the best, honestly. He had seen what was left of the few people and creatures who had tried to sneak onto the property with harmful intent, and the less he knew, the better.
He sat on the edge of the wall and visited with both Naia and Amymone for a bit, all while keeping his eye along the rooftops. Sure enough, Grace scampered over the side and made herself small shortly before a pair of younger gargoyles swooped overhead, clearly looking for her.
The gargoyle tribe was certainly interesting. They didn't have many youngsters at all, and they aged very slowly. There was a good chance that Mike's own grandchildren would play with these same kids someday.
As for Abella, he had briefly worried that she might become enamored with reuniting with her own people, and perhaps become distant. That hadn't been further from the truth. Sure, she interacted with them on a daily basis, but her priority was to the home and its residents. She did strike up a close friendship with a male gargoyle named Monolith who shared the same human kink that she did. The two could be seen hanging out frequently and comparing notes.
Lily had teased Mike about the two of them, but he wasn't worried. Neither gargoyle had any interest in their own kind, and Monolith was now hanging out primarily at the cabin. Apparently Beth had caught his eye, but he had yet to catch hers.
Honestly, that surprised him a little bit. While Beth's love life was certainly none of his business, she had initially started pretty strong by having relationships with Asterion, Bigfoot, and Sulyvahn, but then sort of stopped. Their own dalliances were infrequent at best, and there was always some sort of lingering tension afterward.
His phone rang, and he pulled it out of his pocket to see that it was Beth who was calling him. He answered and held it to his ear.
"Speak of the devil," he said.
"You were talking about me?" asked Beth.
"Thinking about you," he replied. "You must have felt it."
Beth actually giggled. "As much as I'd like to flirt with you for a bit over the phone, we need to talk in person. What are you up to?"
"Have a date night lined up with both Quetzalli and Leilani," he replied. "I actually tried to call you about it earlier, but took care of the details already, so no worries. I'm about to go get ready for it after they tell me where we're going."
"Mike Radley is going on a date?" He heard Beth snort. "At this pace, you'll start holding hands with them in a year or two."
"Don't be so lewd," Mike said. "You're making me blush. Anyway, what's up? Were you just calling me back?"
"It can wait until tomorrow," she replied. "It's nothing urgent by any means, and I don't want you getting caught up and ruining your date."
He frowned. "Why would our discussion ruin our date?"
"Don't overthink it. Go, have fun, don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"Is there anything you wouldn't do?" he asked.
"Not really." Beth barked a laugh and then ended the call. He looked at his phone for a moment and shrugged. If she said it wasn't worth worrying about right now, he trusted her.
"Who wants to help me pick out my date night outfit?" he asked. Naia and Amymone both raised their hands.
Lily had built half of her house of cards on the cabin table when Beth walked back into the room. The succubus casually scooped them all up and tucked them back into their box.
Beth blatantly ignored the succubus and went into the kitchen to pour herself a drink. She eventually sat on the other side of the table and said nothing.
"How mad was he?" Lily asked.
"Not at all," Beth replied. "I haven't told him yet."
The succubus licked her lips and shuffled the cards in her hand. "Oh, great. So now I'm a dead man walking."
"I'll tell him tomorrow." Beth set her drink down and put her elbow on the table before leaning toward Lily. "He's got a date tonight with Leilani and Quetzalli."
"What? And he didn't call me for advice? What a slacker."
"I bet he did, actually. I had a missed call from him earlier."
"Huh?" Lily shifted her demonic essence around and forced her phone back up to the surface of her body. In this case, she made it appear in her pocket. Sometimes, she would do this trick for the kids by making the phone ooze out of her belly button or appear in her mouth.
"It's not like this is super urgent. Besides, maybe we could do a little digging of our own on this Bentley guy. His lawyer already replied to the email I sent, and it's clear they are quite serious about this whole thing."
"Ugh. Rich guys and lawyers, name a more obnoxious pairing."
"Money and politics," Beth replied.
"TouchΓ©." Lily frowned at her phone. "Damn, I missed several calls and texts. He must have been hard up for advice. I suppose he and I should have a talk about the birds and the bees. Do you have a banana on hand? Maybe I could..." She trailed off when she saw the other messages. The bullshit with Maxwell had her so flustered, she hadn't even noticed her phone had been buzzing inside of her.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah." In reality, it wasn't. The calls and texts were from Peyton. There wasn't a voicemail from the girl, but there was a stream of consciousness from the preteen that essentially amounted to something the girl considered an emergency.
If Peyton was in actual danger, she would have called somebody else first. Either this problem was a Peyton-specific crisis, or it was something that the authorities and her parents couldn't help her with.
However, seeing I need you right now in a dozen variations already had the succubus on her feet. She texted Peyton to ask where she was and moved toward the door. "Are we good here? Do you actually need me for anything?"
"Other than a Radley family confessional? Not really." Beth raised an eyebrow. "However, do you need my help with something?"
"I don't. Bye." Lily left the cabin and ran past some Nirumbi children hitting a scarecrow in the front yard. She threw open the barn door and hurried down the aisle. In a room that once stored Jeep parts, there was a portal that took her straight to the Library.
The rats monitoring the portal network jumped when she passed by, wings extended and flapping to provide her a boost of speed that carried her down the corridor and out onto a small ledge where a floating platform was meant to pick her up.
Eschewing the wait, Lily flung herself from the balcony, tumbling two hundred feet down the massive column that held up the roof of the Library. Flaring her wings at the last possible moment, she slowed her descent just enough before landing that her heeled boots clicked against the marble floor without cracking it.
She shoved the door open and stormed into a room with another portal that took her the equivalent of over two thousand miles across the United States to a small storage facility with a door that had been welded shut from the inside. The sole method of egress was a small ventilation shaft up above the door that only a small child could squeeze through.
Lily transformed into a toddler and squeezed herself through, where she dropped down on the other side. There was a camera pointed at the door, but the only one who monitored it was Eulalie.
Nobody saw Lily leave the facility. She sprinted across the parking lot to a narrow gap between two buildings and took to the sky, altering her skin and clothing to match the dull, overcast weather. Her phone dinged, and she checked it to see that Peyton was at a park near her house.
Landing almost a block away, Lily took the form of a fifteen-year-old version of herself and jogged the rest of the way. Upon arriving, she scanned the park, half expecting to see a group of men, kids, or maybe even a pack of dogs surrounding a tree with Peyton at the top as their focal point. Instead, there were a couple of random moms with their toddlers at the sandbox and a very distraught prepubescent brunette on a swing, staring down at the gravel under her feet.
Lily took the swing next to Peyton, unnoticed by the young girl. "Is it a body?" she asked, startling Peyton out of her thoughts. "'Cause if you killed a man, we're going to need to borrow some shovels. The nearest pig farm is too far away to carry it and neither of us have our--OOF!"
The young girl had hopped off her swing and slammed both arms around Lily in a tight embrace that nearly knocked them both to the ground. Lily held the girl tight and just let her cry as she rubbed the small of her back.
Peyton eventually let go and rubbed at her cheeks. It was clear she had been crying for quite a while now.
"What happened?" Lily asked.
"I...um..." She looked over at the women near the sandbox, but they were paying too much attention to their own children. "Are you safe to be here right now?"
"Why wouldn't I be safe?" Lily frowned.
"Because of...you." Peyton knew there was something supernatural about Lily, but didn't know what. On more than one occasion, she had tried to trick Lily into revealing what she actually was, but had failed. "Is it okay for you to be out?"
"Of course. Mars is in retrograde or some bullshit." Lily waved the question off. "So spill. What's the freak-out over?"
"It sounds stupid," Peyton muttered, and Lily fought a groan. The girl was officially at that age where she often doubted her own thoughts and opinions, which meant Lily would have to convince her to spill the tea.
"Just because it sounds dumb doesn't mean it is." Lily held up her phone. "This one-sided conversation on my phone represents panic and fear. It doesn't quite scream 'Becky Miller got boobs over spring break and now I'm Peyton plain and tall at school.'"
"It's not that," Peyton replied. "I hope it's never that."
"Puberty will convince you otherwise, but please. Proceed."
"It's Mom and Dad. I..." Peyton's red-rimmed eyes filled with tears and she went quiet. Lily took the girl by the hand and led her away from the playground. The two of them wandered across the park while Peyton composed her thoughts. Lily was patient. Eventually, Peyton broke the silence.
"My mom is pregnant," she whispered.
Lily nodded as if this explained everything, then waited again. When Peyton didn't say anything, the succubus spoke. "Well, I guess a new baby isn't ideal. It's a pretty big change and all that. On the plus side, though, I'm guessing this means your parents are stronger than ever."
Peyton scoffed. "Yeah, I guess." After a moment, she groaned and rubbed at the bridge of her nose. "No, I'm happy for them. I want to be excited for the baby. They don't know whether it's a boy or girl yet."
"Which do you hope it is?"
Peyton sighed and stared off into the distance. "Part of me wants it to be a little girl," she said. "To believe that it's my sister, back again for a second chance. Reincarnation is real, right?"
Lily nodded. "It is," she said.
"But maybe a fresh start would be better. A little brother, someone I can dump on in a few years while he looks up to me like I'm his own personal goddess."
"I've raised you well." Lily patted Peyton's head. "Never been prouder."
Peyton laughed, then bit it back. "It's not about the baby. That part is scary, but I can handle it. It's about...Reagan's room."
"Oh." The pieces suddenly clicked into place for Lily. She had been to Peyton's house and knew there were only two bedrooms for kids. Peyton's parents had never intended on having more than two children. "Damn."
"Yeah. Damn is right."
"So...are they going to move, or...?"
Peyton shrugged. "I'm not sure. Maybe we need a clean break, but...leaving that house behind feels like it would be a betrayal. But I don't want Reagan's room to become a nursery either."
"What do your parents think?"
"I don't know. They told me earlier, and I didn't want to kill their vibe, so told them I was going to a friend's house and came here." Peyton gave Lily a dirty look. "What took you so long to respond, anyway?"
"Accidentally pulled my boy toy into a multi-million-dollar lawsuit." Lily cocked her head. "Well, no, that's not quite true. I made his multi-million-dollar lawsuit worse."
"You ever gonna tell me about this boy toy?" A small grin appeared on Peyton's face.
"Maybe when you're older."
"I'm older now."
Lily pushed her playfully. "Hey, that's a weird situation, you know that. ANYWAY, let's talk about your problem. What are the odds that your family could expand your home with an infusion of cash?"
The pre-teen frowned. "Zero," she replied. "The houses in our neighborhood are all crammed in together. Dad wanted to add a sunroom out back, but there's some weird zoning regulation and apparently the HOA is a huge dick."
"Huge old asshole, that's what it stands for." Lily bit her lip, deep in thought. "What if we bought the house next door and your parents moved the baby there?"
"Are you done with ridiculous suggestions?"
"I have not begun to be ridiculous." Lily crossed her arms. "How do you feel about a baby as a roommate? When that kid is six or whatever, it's gonna make bringing home a date a little awkward, but maybe you can all play Connect Four or something."
"Still not helping."
The two were standing on the edge of a small pond. Lily moved near the water's edge and stared across to the other side where a jogger was running. "Do you want to hear a solution, or do you want to vent about the problem some more?"
Peyton was silent for a few moments. "I already know the answer," she muttered. "That room...it's a memorial, a waste of space. It was never going to stay that way, right? If my parents had divorced, Reagan would just be scattered between several boxes in both homes, each one an emotional ticking time bomb of loss and regret waiting for me to inherit them."
"Tell us how you really feel," Lily muttered. She chewed at her lip, trying to figure out the best way to proceed. Sarcasm and biting remarks were easy. What could she say to frame this in a different light for Peyton?
What would Mike say?
"I don't think that room is a waste of space." Lily scooted next to Peyton and wrapped her arm around the girl's waist. "To anybody else, it was a time capsule, a way to step back a few years and pretend that Reagan would walk through that door any minute. To connect you to a time when the world didn't feel like shards of glass in your heart."
"Yeah, I guess," Peyton muttered.
"That room has been holding your grief," the succubus continued. "It feels like a memorial because every time you walk inside, you're afraid that grief will find you and force you to confront it. While you've been busy moving on with your life, that grief has been waiting for you to come and claim it. So I say...what if you move into that room instead of the baby? Have your parents help you even."
The girl squirmed. "That sounds terrible," she replied.
"It will be, at first." Lily rubbed Peyton's shoulder. "But the reason that room still holds so much grief is because you still have so much love for your sister. Moving forward is difficult, but moving on is the scariest thing of all. There's a...finality to something like this. I think it would benefit all of you to experience that love together, as a family. Look through your sister's stuff, keep what is meaningful for you, then box up the rest for another day. Build a foundation of good memories for the new ones to grow from."
Peyton stared at Lily, then sniffled. Lily couldn't help but feel a small pang in her heart, seeing so much of Reagan in her sister.
Though I knew you but for a moment, I shall remember you for a lifetime. Those words echoed through Lily's mind often. How long would her own lifetime be? Maybe it was better not to contemplate the damnation at the end of the ride.
"You good?" Peyton asked. "Because if you start crying, I'll start crying."
Lily sniffed, then let the tears flow. "Then let's cry together."
They stood by the lake this way for the next hour, crying and leaning on each other for support. When it was finally over, Peyton thanked Lily and asked if she wanted to come over and hang out. Lily was tempted, but opted to only walk the girl home instead.
"I'll text you," Peyton said as she stood outside the door of her house. "Later."
"You do that." Lily smiled at the eleven-year-old as she disappeared inside her home. That smile faded as a loneliness gathered deep inside her stomach. This home had been broken once, and she had fixed it.
Would she ever feel fixed? Or was she doomed to feel broken forever? Lily honestly didn't know, and she was afraid to bring it up with Mike. After all, he was so busy with everyone else's problems, it was hard to think he'd make time for hers.
"You know that's a lie," Spirit Mike muttered by the front gate. "It's not that you think he won't help. It's that you don't think you deserve it."
"Piss off," she grumbled as she stepped out of the gate to Peyton's property. Hopefully Mike's date would go well. She expected him to be plenty mad at her in the morning.
After all, she did deserve that.
The limo returned shortly before lunch. Mike walked down to the driveway to watch Quetzalli, Ingrid, and Leilani get out of the car. The limo driver, who was built like a linebacker ready to burst out of his suit, tipped his hat at Mike before opening the car door and helping all of the women out.
Leilani came first, wearing a pair of expensive sunglasses. She was in a tank top and black booty shorts which emphasized her thighs. The mermaid, now wearing blue lipstick, blew Mike a kiss and stepped to the side as Quetzalli got out.
The dragon, also wearing sunglasses, was in a summer dress with purple flowers that matched her eyes. She did a little spin, causing the skirt to rise up and reveal some of the scales on her legs.
"You both look nice."
"They should," Ingrid commented as she got out of the limo. She was wearing a dress similar to Quetzalli's, though hers was red. She also had a brand-new pair of sunglasses, which she lifted to her forehead. "You paid enough for it."
The limo driver moved to the trunk and pulled out several more shopping bags. He handed a few to Leilani and Quetzalli, both of whom rushed toward the house to get changed for whatever activity the mermaid had picked. The bulk of the bags were handed to Ingrid, who in turn handed them to Mike.
"These are all yours?" he asked, holding up a couple of bags to inspect them.
"Yep." Ingrid raised an eyebrow. "Problem?"
Mike just laughed. The mage did enough for the family that he certainly didn't feel taken advantage of. "Not at all," he said. "Also, you look nice, too."
"Good." Ingrid thanked the driver, who got back in the limo and left. "I took the liberty of asking Eulalie to hire these guys for the dance club later tonight. That way, you can go in style. I like them. They're really good."
"Your endorsement means a lot. Are you going back to Europe?"
She shook her head. "No. I'm going to ride shotgun with the driver tonight, just in case."
"You don't have to do that."
"Yeah I do. Did you see Bradley just now?" She gestured at the limo, which was already near the end of the drive. "If I have to sit in the front seat and stare at that all night, I think I'll be just fine. Don't worry, you've paid for me already." Ingrid shook the clothes at him. "Is it okay if I hang out here until later?"
"Of course." He walked into the house with Ingrid. "The spare room is on the second floor."
She paused. "I thought it was on the third floor."
"I moved it. The view is better now."
Ingrid laughed. "Of course you did." She walked up the stairs, pausing once to look back. "Make sure you drink plenty of water. Those women are planning to drain you dry later. It's half of what they talked about."
"What was the other half?"
Ingrid sighed. "The water cycle. Hurricanes and typhoons. Your basic cumulo-nimbo stuff."
"Not a meteorology fan?"
She shook her head. "It was like listening to guys discuss their favorite sports team. I'm just not interested."
"What if Bradley is interested?" Mike wiggled his eyebrows.
Ingrid opened her mouth to say something, then blushed. She gave Mike an odd look, then let out a long sigh. "You know what? Maybe I'll catch a nap while you're out. Is Lily around?"
He shrugged. "No idea. Couldn't find her earlier. This house is big enough, it would probably be easiest to just text her."
Ingrid chuckled on her way up the stairs. "The fact that you still call this place a house is adorable. Never change, Caretaker."
"So what does the rest of our day look like?" Mike asked as Quetzalli and Leilani came down the stairs. Quetzalli was wearing the same sundress as before, but Leilani had changed into a sundress of her own. This one had spaghetti straps, and she was wearing sandals. "Are we thinking of a picnic in the park? Maybe a walk on the beach?"
"I wanted to go where the people are," Leilani said with a grin. "And there's one place in particular that has a bunch of stuff I want to do."
"Where is that?"
"Disneyland!" Leilani clapped her hands together. "I want to see all the princesses and ride all the rides."
Mike frowned. "That...well, it's not a great idea. We've only got half-a-day left before we go out dancing. That's not nearly enough time to properly experience something as big as Disney."
"Oh, I know." Leilani winked at him. "It took some time, but Ingrid explained why that wouldn't work. So she had Eulalie find us a traveling carnival that's in Ohio right now."
"That feels like a drastic shift from something like Disney."
The mermaid pressed herself against Mike and fiddled with the collar of his shirt. "That's okay," she said. "With it being last minute, I figured something with shorter lines and plenty of games and rides would fit the bill. Besides, now you know what I want to do next time we have a full day together, just the two of us. Eulalie already has a portal ready and will call us an Uber once we head out."
"And you're sure about this? I don't want you to feel like you're settling."
"I don't." Leilani's hands wandered down Mike's torso and settled on his waist. "I think it sounds like a lot of fun. Quetzalli suggested this outfit, because it'll be hot out." She took a step back and did a little twirl for him.
"I have no reason to argue with the efficacy of a sundress."
"I made sure she put on underwear," Quetzalli added.
"She did. Look." Leilani lifted the hem of her skirt to reveal a lacy thong that matched her hair. "I forget that the wind does things to cloth, and some people can be rather uptight about the human body."
Mike fought the urge to playfully smack the exposed buttcheeks. "That's a good call. We certainly don't want to call attention to ourselves. Since it sounds like Eulalie got things set up, shall we go?"
Each of the women took one of his hands, and they headed to the Library through a portal. Less than ten minutes later, they had passed through a portal to a condo Eulalie had rented. The Uber was already waiting for them out front, and the trio got inside the white Suburban. The driver seemed friendly enough, but seemed to notice that the car listed inexplicably to one side.
The carnival had been set up in the parking lot of an abandoned mall. Neither the mall or the carnival had a sign with its name, which made him wonder how Eulalie had tracked this place down in the first place. They walked beneath an arch with just the word CARNIVAL along the top, stopping at a booth to purchase paper tickets for the rides.
"What do you want to go on first?" he asked Leilani. The mermaid's eyes were like saucers as she watched a crowd of locals milling about.
"I don't know," she declared, clearly undergoing sensory overload.
A mom and her two kids walked past, the children very much staring at the carnival much like Leilani was. The youngest, a little boy, shouted, "I want to go on the Merry-Go-Round!"
"Yes! That!" Leilani pointed excitedly at the kid first, then in a random direction. "I want to Merry-Go-Round, too!"
Mike took a second to get his bearings, then spotted the top of the Merry-Go-Round in the distance. The three of them waited in line, and he had to fight his own laughter as Leilani bounced up and down with excitement. Quetzalli took this opportunity to snuggle up against him while they waited, mimicking a couple of other couples in line.
When they got near the front of the line, Mike was a little disappointed to see that the ride cost three tickets. He had gone to a carnival a couple of times when he was younger. The whole point of the tickets was that you got one ride per ticket. Maybe the rollercoaster cost two, but that was it. Doing some quick math in his head, he wondered how many people wandered home with unused tickets at the end of the day. It wasn't even about the money, but the principle of the thing.
"Woo!" Leilani cheered once she got up to the front of the line, then sprinted toward the ride once it was her turn. She immediately hopped onto a seahorse, then threw her hair dramatically over one shoulder and pointed forward. "Carry me thusly into battle!"
"That lady is silly," said a small girl sitting nearby on a walrus.
"I'll have you know I'm a princess," Leilani declared. Mike took a seat on a lion that was right behind her. Quetzalli got on with him, but was promptly shooed off by the attendant.
"One person per animal," he told them.
"Fine," Quetzalli grumbled before sliding down. She accidentally zapped Mike once her feet hit the ground. The dragon ended up on a giraffe two rows back because a pair of pre-teens had immediately taken the walrus and elephant next to Mike. They were looking at him with awe in their eyes.
"Is that your girlfriend?" one of the girls asked, looking back at Quetzalli.
"She is," he said.
"She's so pretty," said one of the girls.
"Lucky bitch," mumbled the other.
"What was that?" Mike asked.
"Nothing!" they both said, then giggled at each other. Mike smirked and turned his attention forward where Leilani was eagerly bouncing up and down on the seahorse.
"Onward to victory!" she declared, making the little girl nearby giggle. The seahorse gears up above made a horrifying grinding sound, and it occurred to Mike that there was probably a weight limit.
"Leilani!"
She whipped around, her hair flaring dramatically behind her. "Yes?" She fluttered her eyelashes.
"Don't be so rough with that horse," he said, flicking his eyes up. She looked up as well and seemed to realize the issue immediately. "It's not used to carrying royalty."
"I see." Leilani settled down and leaned forward to pat the seahorse's nose. "I apologize, my sea-faring friend."
"Is she really a princess?" asked one of the preteens. There was a heavy note of sarcasm present that only an adolescent could convey, and Mike shivered to think how he would be on the receiving end of such a thing daily in about ten years.
He looked at the girls and nodded solemnly. "She is, actually."
"Then where's her crown?" asked the other girl. This, too, was very sarcastic.
"She didn't want to lose it on the rides," he replied.
"What country is she a princess in?"
"You've never heard of it."
"You don't know that." One of the girls sat up straight on her walrus. "We're on the *honor* roll."
Mike looked over at the attendant, who was helping a couple of kids onto the last animals. How long did it take to load up a Merry-Go-Round? "The island nation of Volcania," he replied.
"Duh, everyone knows where that is." The girl rolled her eyes at him, and then both of them giggled. Mike wondered if Quetzalli would be willing to trade with him just as the ride lurched into motion.
People nearby laughed at Leilani's reaction. Though the ride wasn't going that fast, the princess cheered as if she was on a roller coaster. This spurred nearby children to react in kind, and what ensued was probably the loudest Merry-Go-Round ride in all of history. Even the attendant looked a little shocked, but Mike couldn't help but notice that they rode far longer than previous riders had.
As the ride came to a slow halt, Mike used his magic to cloak himself from attention, hoping the preteens would forget he existed. Sure enough, their eyes glanced right past him as they immediately disembarked, pausing just long enough to talk to Leilani.
"Your English is really good," one of them said.
"Thanks, so is yours." Leilani turned to look for Mike, and he released the spell just as Quetzalli bumped into him from behind. "There you are! We should go again!"
"We could," he said. "But this was the beginner ride." As they stepped out of the gate, he looked back to see the attendant put an out-of-order sign on the seahorse. Some of the smaller kids in line booed at him.
The next ride they found was, naturally, the octopus. Leilani demanded that Mike sit next to him on this one, leaving Quetzalli to ride with someone else. As they were boarding the cars, Quetzalli got on first, followed by an eight-year old boy who was immediately zapped the moment he touched the metal.
"Ow!" he yelled, shaking his hand. "It bit me!" Quetzalli sunk in her seat a little and gave Mike a sheepish grin.
Leilani whooped and hollered as the octopus twirled them around. When the ride came to a stop, she gave him a big hug and kissed him hard on the mouth as the attendant opened the safety bars. On their way out, Mike heard a few people making fun of Leilani, but ignored them. However, a pair of familiar tweens waiting in line were glaring daggers at him.
"I thought she was your girlfriend," said one of them, pointing at Quetzalli.
"I saw you kissing her," the other declared, pointing at Leilani.
The princess giggled and let go of Mike to address the girls. "How elegant of you to defend my friend's honor. You see, that woman is his girlfriend."
"Then why are you kissing him?" asked one of the girls.
"Because I'm his wife." Leilani said this like it somehow explained everything. Both girls' mouths dropped open in shock. "Don't swim around like that, you'll accidentally eat a guppy. WHAT IS THAT?" The mermaid's arm shot forward so hard that a few people in line actually whipped around to look at what she had seen. It was a child holding a pile of blue fluff on a cone.
"Cotton candy," Mike said. "C'mon, I'll buy you some."
"It looks like a cloud!" Quetzalli declared. Both women grabbed him by his wrists and practically dragged him off to locate the vendor.
"Have a nice ride," he shouted at the tweens, who were now oblivious to the people moving past them in line.
Their search for cotton candy took them to the Midway. Not only were there several different food vendors, but there were also a ton of skill games.
"I want to taste everything," Leilani declared. "How much can we eat?"
"Technically all of it," he replied. "However, the food is pretty salty, and you might have trouble fitting in your dance clothes later. Also, I would avoid eating too much food before riding on the roller coaster."
"Which one is that?" Leilani asked. Mike pointed at a distant set of arches. The coaster itself wasn't that big, and definitely looked unstable, but had some sharp dips that would definitely churn the stomach.
"A little snack would be okay, but people have been known to barf afterward." Truthfully, Leilani probably wouldn't. He wasn't even entirely sure a mermaid could become motion sick, but didn't want to find out the hard way that they could. "The line for cotton candy is over there."
They waited for almost ten minutes, and then both women got two massive cones coated in cotton candy. Leilani proceeded to immediately devour her own, while Quetzalli just carried hers around and admired it. Every now and then, she would pull a tuft of it off and flick at it with little sparks to keep it aloft. On more than one occasion, Leilani snatched those away and consumed them.
"What is this?" the mermaid asked as they stopped next to one of the skill games. It was the Wiffle Ball Toss.
"It's simple enough," said the attendant. "You just need to land all three balls in the basket like so." She demonstrated by leaning against the counter and tossing the balls at an angle. "If none of them bounce out, you get to choose a prize."
"You make it look easy," Leilani said, her eyes narrowing. "Yet I sense a deception."
"No deception," the woman replied. "Just skill. Five tickets a play, and you can pick out any of the prizes if you win."
"What would I want with a stuffed...is that a pink dolphin?!?" Leilani spun and stared hard at Mike. "We must win that!"
"Uh...sure." Mike handed over the tickets and picked up the balls.
"Don't lean over the counter," the attendant said. "All tosses must leave your hand behind the yellow line." She tapped on a piece of tape that had been stretched across the counter.
"And thus the truth is revealed," Leilani muttered. "I, too, wish to try this game." She handed over some tickets of her own. The attendant grinned as the princess immediately threw her first ball so hard that it bounced right back out.
"Hmm." Quetzalli took one of the balls from Mike and studied it, then looked over at the plastic bins they were supposed to land in.
Mike knew that the trick was to get the ball to smack the top of the inner bin and then drop down below, but knowing how to do it was a very different process than actually doing it. Once the first ball was in there, it increased the likelihood of the next ball bouncing off of it.
"Shit!" Leilani's second ball had already bounced out as well.
"If you use magic, you could alter the charge of the ball," Quetzalli whispered to him. "And make it stick."
"Should we really be cheating at carnival games?" Mike asked.
"Yes." Quetzalli looked over at the smirking attendant. "It is our date night."
Mike concentrated on the ball in his hand, his magic slowly altering the charge of the ball itself. It would be like sticking a balloon to the wall after dragging it through your hair, only magnified. When the ball finally left his hand and struck the bucket, it actually stuck for a moment before dropping down.
The attendant heard the thud, but didn't clock right away that the ball had made it. When she finally noticed, she clapped for Mike. "Good job," she said.
"Thanks." He repeated the process again, this time hitting the bucket dead center. The ball should have bounced right back out, but it stuck again, and then dropped down to the bottom. This time, the attendant noticed.
"Hey! What did you put on here?" She immediately pulled the two balls out and examined them.
"Nothing," he replied.
"Do you have grease on your hands?" The woman studied him, clearly trying to figure out the trick.
"Nope. Just got lucky." He set the third ball down on the counter. "You can give me a new one if you want."
Now it was the attendant's turn to try to figure out what Mike was up to, but nobody suspected magic as a possible culprit. Dubious, she put the two balls back in the bucket and took the third one from Mike before handing him a new one.
This time, he casually charged the thing up and tossed it right into the pile. All three balls stuck together at the bottom instead of bouncing out, and the attendant immediately pulled them all out. From where he stood, Mike could hear static electricity crackling inside of the bucket.
"Hmm." The attendant, clearly confused, looked at him. "One prize per day. Which one would you--"
"DOLPHIN!" Leilani hopped up and down as the attendant handed her the oversized stuffed dolphin. "We should check the other games to see what prizes we can take from them, too!"
They spent the next hour hitting the skill games. Quetzalli was impossibly good at the ping pong ball game where the challenge was to land them on top of the bottles. She managed to win the grand prize on her first go, which was a game console.
The basketball game where the ball was just slightly smaller than the hoop was promptly dominated by Leilani. She did equally well at the ring toss, and then blatantly cheated at the game where a group of people squirted water into a clown's mouth by magically commanding the water pressure in her gun to increase drastically. The three of them were now walking around with their arms full of stuffed animals and random prizes, but were also banned by Carnival management from any further skill games.
Both Leilani and Quetzalli ended up giving away their prizes to random kids. Save for the pink dolphin, everything was gone by the time they reached the roller coaster. They ended up riding the coaster twice, but only so that both women got a turn sitting next to Mike. They checked the time, and realized there was only enough left for one more ride.
"It has to be the Ferris wheel," he said, gesturing to the large ride in the center of the park.
They got to share the car on this one, and no sooner was it in the air did Leilani wrap her arms around him.
"This has been an amazing day already," she said. "The sights and sounds, and all the people! I've never seen so many people!"
"It has been fun," he replied. "Though I think they might ban us for life after what we did in the Midway."
"There are other carnivals," Quetzalli said wistfully, her eyes gazing toward the sky. "I do miss the view from up here."
Mike didn't quite know what to say to that. Titania had offered to return Quetzalli to her dragon form, but Quetzalli had refused. Eventually, she would become a dragon on her own and had decided that living as a human would be an interesting way to spend a couple of centuries.
"The view in here is quite nice also," Leilani noted, her eyes now focused solely on Mike. By the time Quetzalli turned to face them, Leilani had pressed her lips against Mike's, her tongue greedily seeking his.
Not to be outdone, Quetzalli moved next to him and pulled him away, zapping his mouth in the process. The carriage swung through the lowest point and he heard some people in line complain that they were being gross, but it wasn't like they were being brazen.
Once the ride was over, the Ferris Wheel was rotated to allow the three of them off first. As they slowly came to a stop at the bottom, Mike looked up and realized the preteens from earlier were just staring at the three of them from two carts behind. They had clearly been watching them.
Officially feeling embarrassed, the three of them promptly left the carnival behind. One Uber ride and two portals later, they were back home, where he went to his room to change clothes. Tink was lying in bed with Matilda and Grace, both of whom were taking naps. Scattered on the bed were a bunch of children's books.
"Tink want to go to carnival," she said with a sad smile. "Husband tell Tink later?"
"Of course," he said, pausing to kiss her forehead along with Matilda's and Grace's. The Arachne opened her eyes, saw it was him, and then promptly closed them again.
He grabbed his dress clothes and stood in front of the full-length mirror, making sure to take his time so Tink could watch. The little goblin quietly cheered as he did a little dance for her, doing a goofy strip tease before putting on his nicer clothes. When he was done getting dressed, Tink stealthily slid out of bed and swatted him on the ass on his way out the door.
Downstairs, he saw Ingrid standing there with a smirk on her face.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
"Got another dose of Bradley is all." She mimed fanning her face. "The ladies are already out in the limo. You should know that Eulalie upgraded your ride a bit. You'll be riding in the same kind of limo that visiting dignitaries use."
"Well, I am sort of the ambassador for Volcania," he replied. "But do you really think we need all that?"
She shrugged. "Well, it does have bulletproof windows, and can take a bomb blast to the undercarriage. But more importantly, it's their most soundproof model."
"Soundproof? Why would that matter?"
Ingrid chuckled. "If you think you're getting back from that club intact, you're out of your mind."
Mike chuckled quietly. "Yeah, well...whatever happens in the limo, stays in the limo."
"Indeed." Ingrid took a moment to adjust his collar, then seemed to catch herself. "Well...shall we?"
Outside, Bradley was waiting next to the back door of a stretch limo. Mike gave the man a casual salute as the door was opened for him and he got inside. There was enough room for ten people, but he packed in right next to Quetzalli and Leilani. Ingrid waited for the man to let her in the passenger seat, and they were off.
When they pulled up to the club nearly forty minutes later, Mike waited for the driver to come open the door. People on the sidewalk paused to look in his direction, but he was already using his magic to avoid immediate detection.
Not that it would have mattered much, as all eyes were firmly focused on the first woman he helped out of the car. Quetzalli was wearing a silver, open-back gown that had been slit up both sides of her skirt, which revealed her thighs as she walked. Her wrists were adorned with pearl bracelets that matched a magical headband which fully concealed the nature of her horn.
Quetzalli thanked Mike and waited nearby, where a few bystanders had stopped and were staring. Leilani came next, the mermaid was wearing a cropped top with a mini skirt that revealed most of her thighs. She grinned at the people on the sidewalk who had stopped to stare, then took Mike's proffered arm while Quetzalli took the other.
From the passenger seat, Ingrid smiled at the three of them. She gave Mike a wink and rolled the window up as Bradley got in and they drove away.
The trio bypassed the line outside the club, packed with well-dressed hopefuls. The bouncer looked briefly at Quetzalli and Leilani and didn't bother stopping their entry into the club. Mike handed the man fifty bucks. Inside, the bass was already booming as a live band performed.
A hostess met the trio and took Mike's name. She found them immediately on the VIP list and took them to a private booth that overlooked the floor. Eulalie had done her magic here as well.
"Let me know if there's anything I can get for you. A bottle of Dom Perignon and a selection of our custom tapas are on the way," she said, casually eyeing the plunging neckline on Quetzalli's dress. Her eyes almost always slid away from Mike whenever she looked at him.
They took their seats and waited for a bottle of champagne. A small tray of snacks was provided, but the women had zero interest in them. They were both eying the dance floor.
"Where did you even hear about this place?" Mike asked.
"Death told me about it," Quetzalli replied, already swaying to the beat. A fast song had come on, and a group of college-aged kids had already taken to the floor.
"This is so much fun," Leilani declared, then looked at Mike. "Dance with me?"
"In a minute," he told her as he took off one of his shoes. "These are still sort of new, and they're rubbing weird. Go ahead and start without me. I'll be down soon enough."
Giggling, Leilani took Quetzalli by the hand and they practically skipped down to the dance floor.
Mike undid the laces on his dress shoes and then re-did them. His magic could do a lot of things, but making newer shoes fit wasn't one of them.
"Greetings, Mike Radley." Death stood just outside of the booth with a grin on his face. "I did not expect to see you here."
"Likewise," Mike said, then gestured to the seat next to him. "Though Quetzalli said you mentioned this place to her."
"Indeed, I did. Kisa Radley has been known to frequent this place on occasion when she feels like having a night away from everybody. She always brings me with her."
"If she feels like being away from everyone, why does she bring you?" Mike asked.
"I'm content to just sit and observe," Death replied as he sat. "That, and the wait staff kept taking away her food while she was dancing. They forgot she was here. They don't do that when I am present."
"Smart." Mike looked down at the dance floor where Quetzallia and Leilani were dancing with each other. They were catching looks from a few others on the dance floor, but all the attention seemed positive. "So is it just a lucky coincidence that you happen to be here tonight to sit and observe?"
"Of course not, Mike Radley. Kisa couldn't be here so she sent me to keep an eye on you. The dance floor is no stranger to bruised egos, and we have often had to leave this place in a hurry."
Now Mike frowned. He had just caught Death in a lie. Curious where the Reaper might go with it, he decided to let the farce play out. "You think that we might get hurt being here?"
Death chuckled and shook his head. "Quite the contrary. I don't think anybody in this place could hurt you. Perhaps an analogy would suffice?"
"Enlighten me."
"Three members of the Radley family and their magical guardians have gone for a night on the town. You are like an expensive set of kitchen knives left within reach of a child. You have nothing to fear from a toddler, for you are made of the finest steel ever folded. The child has nothing to fear from you, because you bear them no ill will. They will only realize how sharp you are if they try to grab you." The Grim Reaper folded his hands together, looking quite pleased with himself.
"I don't quite follow," Mike finally said. "Are you saying I'll hurt someone by accident?"
"Oh, right. I forgot the rest of my analogy because the first part sounded so good." Death waved at someone behind Mike as he spoke. "It is my job to be the nanny who steers the children away from the knives in the first place. I will be content to sit and watch and stare down anybody who finds themselves... overwhelmed."
Mike studied the Reaper for over a minute, then finally shook his head in disbelief. "Which one of them sent you to watch me and report back?" he asked.
"It was Tink," Death confessed right away. "She tricked me into agreeing to this plan to spy on your date and gave me that story about children and knives for cover."
"How did she trick you?"
"Bah." Death picked at his fingertips, the bones making a clacking sound as he did so. "She told me if I didn't do it, somebody else would and they'd spill the tea on your date. Somehow, this is a colloquialism I have missed, and I was appalled at the idea that someone would spill your tea. In truth, I thought I was just looking out for you."
"That still doesn't explain why you're here." Mike's eyes were still on the women. A couple of other girls were dancing with them now to some bizarre remix of Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Everyone was having fun and he could feel the beat of the club in his chest. "You could have just said no when you found out."
"She made me pinky promise before telling me the plan."
Mike chuckled. "Fair enough. Can't go back on a pinky swear."
"Are you angry with me?" Death's eye flames dimmed.
"Of course not. As long as you don't do anything to ruin their evening, I have no reason to be upset with you."
"Then I am happy to sit and watch," Death replied just as a woman in a white button-down tank top with a tie arrived. "Ah, hello, Ms. Racquel."
"Mr. Black." It was one of the servers, a woman with black lipstick and long, raven-colored hair. "Your usual?"
"Please." He waved as the woman walked away.
"What's your usual?" Mike asked.
"They have a fabulous oolong here." Death grinned. "The only reason they carry it is because it's the owner's favorite drink. He imports a very nice blend from the Wuyi mountains."
"That's great." Mike double-checked that he had re-done the laces correctly on his shoes and slipped them back on. He tied them and stood, tapping his feet experimentally on the floor to see if they felt any better. "If our snacks arrive, make sure to leave us some."
"Of course."
Mike descended to the dance floor and immediately ran into a unique problem. Since his magic was causing people not to notice him, they weren't moving out of his way so he could cross the room to where Quetzalli and Leilani were dancing. A few people gave him dirty looks when he bumped into them, but forgot that he had been there the moment they looked away. His foot was stepped on twice, and a chill of forewarning had him ducking beneath an outstretched hand that swung out when someone tried to dip their partner.
A younger man with frosted tips in his hair attempted to dance with Quetzalli from behind. The storm dragon cocked her head when she caught sight of him, then just shook her head and laughed.
"Gah!" The man had tried to put his hands on Quetzalli's hips and had received a nasty shock. He shook his hand in pain, then tried to make it look like the move was intentional. When Quetzalli grabbed her skirt and twisted away from Leilaini, the man hopped in between them so that he was facing Leilani.
The princess was far less subtle. She planted a hand on his chest and shoved him so hard that he fell backward into Mike's arms.
"What the fuck," the man muttered, then looked up at Mike. "Hey, thanks. I tripped."
"Not a problem." Mike made sure the man was on his feet, then moved toward the girls. He was grabbed from behind by the man he had just helped.
"I wouldn't," the man told him, then let go of Mike's arm. "I think they want to be left alone."
Mike smirked. "I'll try my luck," he said, then slid between two people and found himself facing Quetzalli. Her purple eyes lit up when she saw him. She took him by the hand and pulled him in-between her and Leilani.
Laughing, the three of them danced this way for a couple of songs. Though Mike wasn't naturally gifted with music, Kisa had taught him long ago how to properly dance. The magic flowing through his body granted him a nearly supernatural grace as he followed the beat on instinct.
At some point, a woman who looked no older than twenty tried to move in on Mike, but she was casually hip-checked away from him by Quetzalli. Some women who were clearly part of a bachelorette party shouted encouragement at the three of them as they slowly became the center of attention.
Mike realized that his magic could only do so much. While it was helping people forget that he was even there, Leilani and Quetzalli stood out enough as it was. The last thing he wanted to do was cancel their date because people were looking. It certainly couldn't be worse than the attention they got at the amusement park.
The pop-music shifted to a far faster beat. Drums dominated the intro, which were soon followed by brass instruments.
Up at the DJ booth, Death stepped away from the man and gave Mike a thumbs-up as salsa music started playing. Quetzalli and Leilani exchanged a brief look, and then the princess took a step back and gestured toward Mike.
Quetzalli pressed herself into Mike, his arm around her waist and their hands now clasped.
"Follow my lead?" he asked with a grin.
"Like a cloud in the breeze," she replied. He started with a basic salsa, the two of them gazing deep into each other's eyes. Mike could actually see tiny sparks of light dancing along Quetzalli's silver eyelashes.
People nearby cheered as others slid into a salsa as well. Quetzalli pulled her hand from Mike's and was using it to flare her skirt as they moved back and forth. When he went for his first twirl, Quetzalli's skirt flared out behind her, moving in slow motion as static electricity kept it in place.
About a minute into the song, Mike let go of Quetzalli and Leilani effortlessly stepped in. She pressed her forehead against his and took the lead herself, her sharp-toothed grin filling his vision.
"This music is faster than I'm used to," she admitted, then gave Mike a twirl. He finished his own spin, then took the lead back from her as he yanked her in his direction so that her back was pressed against his chest.
"Everything is faster than I was used to," he admitted, grabbing her by the hips and pressing himself against her ass. She ground against him as the nearby bachelorette party cheered her on. "You never get used to it."
She leaned her head back against his shoulder, exposing her neck to him. He ran his hands up her stomach as if to squeeze her breasts, then parted them at the last second to take her by the shoulders and spin her back around.
"I like it when you take charge." Leilani licked her lips and was about to say something else when Quetzalli slipped into her place. The dragon chuckled as she and Mike immediately took up where they had left off.
"Mine," she declared, then stuck out her tongue at Leilani. Undeterred, the mermaid danced along the outside of the small perimeter that had formed around them. Mike realized that people were no longer just staring at his women, they were now staring at him.
Oh, well, he thought. Mike briefly made eye contact with the young man from earlier.
"Bro," was all he said in a breathless voice, his eyes filled with jealousy and awe.
He got another spin out of the storm dragon before the mermaid took her place. Leilani pressed her hips against his and did a slow grind that made him think of Dirty Dancing.
There were more cheers from the crowd. Someone tried to dance with Quetzalli, but she politely blew him off and danced along the periphery, waiting for her chance to take Mike back. It was clear soon enough that the crowd was beginning to take sides.
One section erupted in cheers as Quetzalli joined the two of them, briefly dancing with Leilani before pulling the mermaid away and taking her place with Mike. The bachelorette party was clearly pro-Leilani, and started booing.
Quetzalli laughed, her eyes literally sparkling. Her hair was now moving in slow-motion behind her, held aloft by the building electrical charge in her body.
Mike's magic responded in kind, and he could feel the air charging up around the two of them. A few couples dancing nearby were now openly making out. More than a couple had excused themselves, departing to places unknown.
The music shifted to a slower, more sensual beat. Once again, Death was near the DJ booth, and Mike could see the DJ tucking cash into his pocket.
"My own personal wingman," he muttered to himself with a grin. Pulling Quetzalli in close, he kissed her lightly on the lips just before she stepped away and allowed Leilani to take her place.
Some people were inspired further by this, their dances becoming far more intimate. Others had given up any pretense of dancing, thoroughly enthralled by what they were seeing. They were witnessing some of the oldest magic known to man right here on the dance floor, and didn't know how to react other than to watch.
Leilani pressed her lips against his, then bit hard enough that he could taste his own blood. When she pulled away, he could see a spot of red on her lip, which she licked away.
"My husband is yummy," she declared, then pulled herself in close. "I can't wait to taste all of you."
The mermaid did a slow, sinking grind against him as if she were going to pull out his already rock-hard cock and blow him in front of everybody. The bachelorettes cheered her on as Leilani dragged her open mouth right over his crotch. Smirking up at him, she licked the zipper of his fly. Mike pulled her back upright and dipped her, but immediately regretted it when he remembered how heavy she was.
He gave the mermaid a spin away from him and turned to face Quetzalli, who had been dancing by herself. The storm dragon had been flaring her skirt out as she danced, revealing her garter belt with every twist. She moved into place and kissed him again, this time with more passion. Sparks crackled along her skin and his own, drawing gasps from the spectators.
Mike twirled Quetzalli out, their hands briefly losing contact as lightning crackled between their palms.
"Holy shit, are you seeing this?" somebody muttered just as Mike took Quetzalli by the hand, pulled her back in, and dipped her. She ached her back, exposing the deep valley of her breasts to those who were watching. Up above, the lights flickered as the storm dragon stood, her eyes lit from within.
Leilani grabbed Mike from behind and pressed her hips against his own. Quetzalli moved forward, pinning Mike between both women as their hands wandered all along his body. He reached one arm back and cradled Leilani's head as she kissed his neck, his other hand full of Quetzalli's butt. He had to lift the storm dragon a bit, making it easier for her to stand on her toes to kiss him.
"Get a room!" somebody shouted, but they were immediately shushed by others. Several of the lights had dimmed, but he didn't know if that was intentional or if Quetzalli had done it by accident. His question was answered when he saw Death hand the DJ some more cash and the lights dimmed even further.
Tink hadn't just sent him to spy. She had sent the Reaper to help. Love took many forms. Sometimes, it was being inappropriate on a Ferris Wheel. Other times, it meant expressing your feelings through movement on a dance floor. Then there was the kind of love that meant staying at home with the kids while your spouse was out having a perfectly good time without you.
Mike felt his heart swell in the moment. His magic, typically so keen to elicit a sexual response, pulsed outward in time with his own heartbeat. Lovers clasped each other closer, soft words being muttered beneath the music. Quetzalli and Leilani were no longer kissing him like before, instead content to either hold him tight or just gaze into his eyes.
Several minutes later, no words were exchanged as both women took a hand and drug him away from the floor. They walked right past their table, where Death was waiting for them.
"I'll take care of the bill, Mike Radley." Death gave the group a wave, then greeted their server as she came over. "I will be requiring a goblin bag."
"A what?" asked Raquel.
"A to-go box," the Grim Reaper clarified. "For my friend, who is a goblin."
Raquel chuckled to herself. "I get off in an hour," she began, but Mike was officially too far away to hear Death's response.
The three of them walked outside. Mike texted Bradley, who showed up a couple of minutes later. The three of them crawled into the back of the limo. Before the car was even in motion, two pairs of hands were pulling down his pants.
"Where to?" asked Bradley through the intercom.
"Dinner," Mike replied, just barely able to press the button to talk back to the driver. Leilani had unbuttoned his shirt and was sucking on his nipples. Quetzalli was licking the side of his neck and creating static shocks just beneath his earlobe. "The long way, if possible."
Bradley chuckled. "I'll circle it," was all he said and the intercom clicked off.
The lights inside the limo dimmed a bit, casting the interior of the car in a crimson hue. Occasionally, the sparks from Quetzalli would mess with the LED strips, causing them to display the wrong color. The storm dragon had taken notice of Leilani's particular attention to Mike's chest and was attempting to mimic it. While Mike didn't particularly understand what the appeal was for Leilani, his magic was definitely reacting to her arousal.
The limo turned, and the trio slipped off the seat onto the floor. Laughing, they went back to exploring each other's bodies. Leilani paused when she noticed that Quetzalli's top had shifted to reveal the dragon's breasts.
"Would it..." The mermaid bit her lip and looked at Mike. "Can I touch her?"
"That's up to her, not me," Mike replied. The women were currently halfway out of their clothes already.
"May I...touch you?" Leilani asked. Mike found the question a bit silly at first, then remembered that Quetzalli was essentially a demigod to the merfolk.
"Only if I can touch you." Quetzalli grinned. "I am very curious about how your body works."
"Oh." Leilani blushed deeply, and then the two of them kissed over Mike's chest. Mike slapped at Leilani's hand, which was pressing down on the center of his chest with a couple hundred pounds of body weight. He had experienced something similar with Abella, but the gargoyle was far more cognizant of her weight.
"Sorry," she muttered around Quetzalli's lips, then shifted her hand onto the floor. This served to bring both women closer to him, and he ran his hands along their backs. Leilani's wrist bumped against his stiff cock, and she took hold of him.
Quetzalli, not to be outdone, did the same. Both women stroked him together as they made out with each other. Mike couldn't help but notice that they were steadily sinking down the length of his body until his cock was right next to their heads.
His cock twitched on its own as if sending out a distress call for attention. Both women were still stroking it when it happened to bump up against Leilani's cheek. She let out a giggle, then broke her kiss with Quetzalli. For just a moment, a single strand of spit connected the two of them as they stared up at Mike.
"I heard humans are keen on eye contact," Leilani said. "Do you want to stare at him while I do it?"
Queztalli smirked. "I think he'd be far more interested in both of us doing it at once."
"The dragon is very wise," Mike added.
Leilani gave the head of his cock a playful kiss, then drew him into her mouth. Quetzalli shifted to lick and nibble at the base of his shaft, sending micro-shocks through his pelvis. Somehow, the two of them settled into a rhythm where they managed to avoid bonking heads.
Leilani pulled her mouth off of Mike cock. "Trade?
Quetzalli met the mermaid's gaze and grinned. "Why?" she asked, then grabbed Leilani by the back of the head and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. However, the head of Mike's cock was still between them, and it immediately got caught between their mouths as they kissed each other.
Mike groaned and arched his back as the two women teased him with their tongues. A small shock went through him as Leilani yanked her head back.
"You shocked me!"
Quetzalli stroked Mike's cock and grinned. "And I'll do it again. Get back here."
"Fuck," Leilani moaned as she returned. The two of them migrated their attention, running their lips up and down his shaft to give him a double blowjob. The lights in the back of the limo flickered as Mike's magic interacted with them. Every now and then, the limo would hit a bump, which caused Mike's cock to slip free. The women would giggle and then resume, occasionally shocking Mike or Leilani in the process.
Leilani was the first to mount him. She wrapped her powerful thighs around his hips and rode him slowly while making out with Quetzalli. The bumps in the road became a fun surprise, eliciting long moans from the mermaid.
Quetzalli took off the magical headband that concealed her horn. She guided Leilani's hand to it, and the princess stroked it in time with her own movements. The storm dragon spread her legs and moved to sit on Mike's face, forcing him into the blissful darkness that could only be found beneath a curvaceous ass.
His magic manifested within all three of them, shifting back and forth like a pendulum as it pushed their arousal higher. Every now and then, his own consciousness would shift, allowing him to see and experience the event through the eyes of the others.
Leilani was frantically jacking off Quetzalli's horn, clearly in a race to make the dragon come before she did. But every time they hit a bump, the mermaid would get distracted by her own pleasure, allowing Quetzalli a short reprieve. She moved away from kissing the storm dragon to sucking on her nipples instead.
Despite her efforts, the mermaid lost to the dragon. She let out a high-pitched squeal that sounded eerily similar to a dolphin's, her hips shaking as her powerful legs squeezed Mike so hard that his hip joints creaked. Letting go of Quetzalli's horn, Leilani flopped over to the side, catching herself on the nearby seat.
"My turn," Quetzalli declared, then tried to push Leilani off. The mermaid didn't move right away, grinning blissfully to herself. Not one to be denied, Quetzalli shocked Leilani's nipple, which caused the mermaid to slide off of Mike.
The dragon turned to stare into Mike's eyes as she rode him. Powerful electrical currents formed between them, and the lights in the back surged and then went dim. Lit primarily by the sparks dancing between them, Quetzalli chased her own orgasm hard for several blocks, but let out a groan of frustration.
"Everything okay?" Mike asked, sitting up a bit.
"I...need...a different position," Quetzalli finally declared. She looked over hungrily at Leilani. "I'm thinking...dragon-style."
Lifting off of Mike, Quetzalli moved toward Leilani, pushing her legs apart. The mermaid adjusted how she was sitting, scooting forward so that she was on the edge of her seat. As Quetzalli kissed her way up Leilani's exposed thighs, she looked up at the princess with glowing, purple eyes.
"Stroke my horn while he fucks me from behind," she demanded. Leilani obeyed, then gasped as she received a jolt straight to her clitoris from the dragon's tongue.
"Fuck me in the seven seas, that hurts so good!" Leilani arched her back and groaned. Mike took his position behind the dragon, placing both hands on her waist as he sank into her from behind.
The air took on an ominous hum, followed by the steady crackle of static discharge. The lights all around them were flickering, powered by the electromagnetic field generated by Quetzalli. She was practically crying out with pleasure, but her moans were drowned out by Leilani's thighs.
Between Mike fucking her from the back and Leilani stroking her horn, the dragon only lasted a couple of minutes. Trembling, she stopped eating Leilani's pussy and shook as her orgasm built. The lights in the limo cab sparked and burned out as Quetzalli let out a draconic roar.
Leilani squeezed free of Quetzalli and immediately moved to push Mike away from the dragon. Giddy with excitement, Leilani grabbed the base of his cock.
"Mine!" she declared, then sucked it into her mouth.
Quetzalli appeared a moment later, her cheeks flushed even in the darkness of the cab. "No, mine!" she argued, then fought to take his dick out of Leilani's mouth.
This final competition came to a head as Mike's balls tightened in his groin and he came. His cock was between both women at the moment, meaning that his cum decorated both of their chests. The two of them took turns licking the head of his cock clean, then focused on each other.
Quetzalli's breast was firmly in Leilani's mouth when Mike heard a knock on the door. Puzzled, he realized that the limo had come to a stop. He looked around for his clothes, then got his pants on and had the women scoot away from the door. When he tried to roll the window down, it didn't work.
Frowning, he opened the door to see Bradley standing there, a chagrined look on his face. Ingrid stood behind him, trying to hide the smirk on her face.
"Is something wrong?" Mike asked.
Bradley nodded. "I'm afraid that something happened to the electrical system and this vehicle is no longer operable."
"Huh?" Mike frowned, realizing that Quetzalli had likely shorted out the whole damned car. He looked over at the women, who were getting back into their dresses.
"I can have an alternative mode of transportation for you in less than an hour." Bradley cleared his throat. "However, you are less than a five-minute walk from the restaurant, should you choose to eat instead of waiting."
"We're already that close?"
Ingrid smiled like the cat that had eaten the canary. "We've been circling this location for about twenty minutes now."
"Excellent. Uh..." Mike looked at the others. "He said we're close by, but I don't know where you two picked to eat."
"We can take you," Leilani said with a grin. "Quetzalli knows the way."
"I do," she replied, scooting along the seat. When the dragon got out, she offered Bradley a grin. Mike winced when the streetlight illuminated her chest, revealing that the two hadn't done a very good job of cleaning. "Thank you."
"It was my pleasure to serve," the man replied.
"I'll stay with the car," Ingrid added. "Make sure the next one is safe." She gave Mike a wink, then pantomimed grabbing Bradley's ass when the man wasn't looking.
The trio walked along the sidewalk for a bit, but Mike didn't really recognize where they were. For a moment, he thought they were going to a restaurant called Nepal and All, but the women walked past it. He stopped at one point to have the two of them finish cleaning up, and was a little embarrassed when Quetzalli used her panties to wipe away the offending spooge on both of them. She threw the panties into a nearby trashcan, but only Mike saw the Fae Guard retrieve and immediately vaporize them. It obviously wouldn't do to have his genetic material simply lying around for witches, wizards, or whatever to find it. Did that mean the Fae Guard had scoured out the limo, too?
Arm in arm, they continued down the sidewalk. When he finally saw their destination, he let out a laugh.
"I should have known," he said.
"Ratu and Yuki said this place was great," Leilani said. She pointed up at the sign. "And since I'm royalty, it's a perfect fit."
The place was called the Royal Palace. They stepped inside where Mike saw the interior looked like it had been ripped from a movie to look like an actual palace. Seeing some of the other diners, he chuckled.
"We're definitely overdressed." The hostess was staring hard in his direction, so he made a note to cloak himself a bit. "Three, please. Private booth."
The young woman nodded and led the three of them to a booth slightly away from everybody else. By the time their server, a young man, came by to bring them water, Leilani immediately slapped her hand on the table.
"We shall have three Royal Feasts!" she declared.
"That...one Royal Feast feeds two people," the guy said. "It's a food challenge, not a menu item. If you can eat all of it in one sitting, no bathroom breaks, you get shirts and your picture on the wall."
Leilani's eyes gleamed as she looked over at Quetzalli. "I bet I can eat one all by myself!"
Quetzalli leaned forward in her seat, her breasts nearly spilling free. "Never underestimate a dragon's hunger!" she replied.
"Just bring us two," Mike said. "I'll have the Royal Burrito and some nachos. And bring me lots of hot sauce, the hotter, the better."
"We shall have the hot sauce, too!" Leilani picked up all three glasses of water and drank them in just a few seconds. "And I shall require more drinks, for my thirst is powerful!"
"Okay." The guy tapped something onto his tablet and took the menus. As he walked off, Mike heard him mutter, "Fucking Tiktokers," under his breath.
Mike sat back and listened as Quetzalli and Leilani trash-talked each other. When the Royal Feasts came, their competition continued. Leilani hadn't expected the hot sauce to be quite as spicy, and went through twelve glasses of water before giving up on the feast only a third of the way through.
Quetzalli's hunger may have been draconic, but her stomach's size couldn't accommodate it. This led to the two of them trying to eat just enough of their Royal Feast to get ahead of the other, but they eventually called a truce. Their server packed everything up in several to-go boxes, which Mike carried.
By the time they left, both girls were rubbing their very full stomachs. Bradley's replacement limo was smaller than the original, and they both fell asleep in Mike's arms on the way home.
Seeing no need to end their date so early, Mike asked Bradley to drive around for another hour, then positioned himself between both women and closed his eyes. Within minutes, he was sinking into his own Dreamscape. With a bit of effort, he brought the mermaid and the dragon with him. It was there that they spent another two days on the beaches of his mind.
As far as first dates went, this one had been perfect.
Woo, I finally did it! I got up the guts to send my main characters on a daaaaaaate!
Yeah, I've officially done everything ass-backwards. I'm pretty much the poster child for "don't do what they're doing" but I think I made it work okay.
I hope you have a fantastic rest of your day. Go out and get some sun if you can, drink plenty of water, and maybe take a look in the mirror and say something nice. Maybe even take yourself on a date! Go do something just for you, because you matter.
Annabelle Hawthorne signing off until next time!