© 2024 Duleigh Lawrence-Townshend. All rights reserved. The author asserts the right to be identified as the author of this story for all portions. All characters are original. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. This story or any part thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the expressed written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a review or commentary.

This is a work of love, a fan fiction. Many of these characters are the creation of Sir Terry Pratchett, as is the multiverse in which they live. If you would like to find out which of these characters is or is not a creation of Terry, please contact this author. This tale was not written to steal the fame that Sir Terry rightfully earned, but to enjoy one more romp in the shadow of Cori Celesti and remind the world of what we lost on March 12, 2015.

"One day I'll be dead and THEN you'll all be sorry."

- Terry Pratchett, 28 Nov 1992 on alt.fan.pratchett

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The Assistant Librarian

{With parenthetical footnotes}

A Discworld Story

Alissa Clutterbuck loved libraries. She was a rarity in Ankh-Morpork. She was a woman who could not only read, but she could write as well. As a matter of fact, she wrote several books on the importance of books, she wrote a book on how to write a book, she wrote three books on the care, maintenance, repair, and binding of books, and she wrote a 100,000 word tome on the "Importance, Upkeep, and Design of the Modern Public Library."

The problem was that she was in Ankh-Morpork, where there were no Public Libraries. The population of the largest city on the discworld was gleefully illiterate, a fact that most colleges on the discworld keep from their Library Science students. {They also do not inform their art history majors that there are no art museums. The only job an art history degree will get them is teaching art history.}

The sun was up when Alissa stood at the gate to the Unseen University. It was her first day on the job and she was excited to start as the Assistant Librarian in the Magic Library of the Unseen University. The Unseen University is over 2000 years old. It's the largest institution of learning on the Discworld and has always been the #1 school for learning wizardry and magic. She stood at the gate to the University and as the cock crowed, she swung a large knocker, causing the gate to boom like well-tuned timpani.

"Do that again," said the knocker.

She was shocked when it said that, like everyone else, she was aware of the magic that exists on the discworld and particularly here at the Unseen University. But a talking door knocker? She swung the knocker again and let it slam against the gate harder, producing an echoing 'boom!'

"Do it again," said the knocker, panting.

"Can't they hear you knocking inside the university?" Alissa asked.

"Yes, but I really like it when you do that to me," said the knocker.

Alissa suddenly felt a powerful urge to wash her hands.

Finally, the gate opened, and a scrawny, bearded man stood before her. He was nearly six feet tall but probably weighed eight stone. Maybe. Wringing wet. He wore tattered and faded wizard's robes and his pointy wizard's hat had felt stars and moons and sequins that were falling off. The hat proclaimed in faded felt letters he was a 'Wizzard.' "Can I help you?" the nervous 'wizzard' asked.

"I am Alissa Clutterbuck, and I am here for the position of Assistant Librarian." She held out the sealed note the Patrician gave her when he informed her she was officially an employee of the Unseen University. "This is for the Archchancellor with the patrician's regards." {The Patrician is the ruler of the Twin Cities of Ankh-Morpork. Although he's an absolute tyrant, he believes in the rule of One Man, One Vote. Fortunately for him, he's the man, and it's his vote.}

"I'm Rincewind the Wizzard," said Rincewind proudly. "I already am the Assistant Librarian; I don't think the University is hiring at this point in time." Rincewind stood proudly, but Alissa stood prouder, still holding out the note for the Archchancellor.

"The Patrician said that the University was hiring," she said sweetly.

Hearing that, Rincewind's shoulders drooped in defeat. He's lost worse jobs than this. "Follow me." He led the shapely young thing into the university. There in the central courtyard was a tremendously huge statue of a sea turtle, and on the back of the sea turtle was four elephants standing in a circle, tail to tail in the center, looking out from under the tremendous weight they carried on their backs. That weight was the discworld. The discworld was flat and circular, with a beautiful waterfall that spilled endlessly over the edge of the rim. {When the sun was just right, you could see the beautiful rimbow as the sun's light is refracted in the falling water.} The continents spread out on the surface of the disc and in the center stood a mountain peak a scale ten miles high. A tiny sun and an equally tiny moon circled over the discworld and the statue accurately reflected where the actual sun and moon were in their orbit around the real discworld. This was the most accurate model of the world they lived on ever made. It is said that if you look close enough, you will see a tiny sculpture of yourself bending over a tiny sculpture of the discworld, looking at a microscopic sculpture of yourself looking at...

Rincewind led Alissa into Poons hall, named for the famous Windle Poons, one of the few wizards in recorded history, to die of natural causes. {The usual cause of death in most wizards is the wizard behind you that wants your job.} They walked past a lecture that was being given to a room full of mannequins seated at desks and dressed as wizards. The lecturer did not seem to notice that his students were replaced with straw dummies. {He most likely thought it was an improvement.} They then turned down a corridor lined with labs. Things fluttered from laboratory doors, many exploding in a shower of sparks and guts, decorating the ancient stone floor with sparkling internal organs. Enchanted mouse traps flew after bats, snapping at them, trying to catch them, and from one door issued a column of smoke diagonally. The smoke suddenly froze, turned to marble, and crashed to the floor. As they walked past that door, stepping over the broken pieces of marble, Rincewind gave the wizard inside a thumbs up and a cheery, "Good one! Getting closer!"

"What were they trying to do in there?" asked Alissa.

"I... I really don't know," said Rincewind.

As with all buildings at the Unseen University, Poons Hall was saturated with magic, the results being that the inside of Poons Hall had more rooms and corridors than the outside dimensions allowed for. As they climbed a slowly rotating spiral staircase, Alissa was sure they just passed the fifth floor of a two story building. After climbing six stories, they alighted on the ground floor... even though they were on the ground floor when they started climbing.

Finally, they reached the Library which looked to Alissa like an ancient library made up of miles of bookshelves packed into one room. It had an air of a library from the depths of time when book binding was still on the horizon and books were handled with curiosity. Part of the library had stone bookshelves, but most of the library contained proper wooden bookshelves, blackened with age and lamp soot. "The books on the stone shelves are aggressive, they gnaw on the wood so we keep them on the stone shelves," whispered Rincewind. They walked past a book chained to a stout wooden lectern. "This book is on time out for inappropriate behavior."

"Why is yarn strung up on the bookshelves?" ask Alissa, seeing several trails of colored yarn disappearing off into the stacks.

"Probably freshmen," said Rincewind. "So they can find their way out."

The library was amazing. Above was a huge glass dome roof, allowing in as much natural light as possible. Many of the bookshelves were three stories high, with ladders on wheels to access the upper shelves. The very tops of the bookshelves were covered with potted plants and exotic vines, giving the top of the bookcases the look of treetops. "This is incredible," gasped Alissa. "The plants are a beautiful touch."

"The librarian likes it up there," said Rincewind the Wizzard. Just then, what appeared to be a rubber sack full of water covered in red hair swung down from a distant bookshelf using long, powerful arms and stubby legs with hands for feet. "...and this is the Librarian," whispered Rincewind.

Alissa was in shock. She's never seen an orangutan before, but she had read about them, and now one was standing right in front of her. With a sly smile, he placed a forefinger to his lips. He gave her the librarian's salute! Alissa returned the salute by pressing her finger against her lips, then Alissa turned up her collar and showed him her badge of rank. Librarian's badges are worn beneath the collar or under a lapel, so a glint of light reflecting from the badge won't interfere with somebody's reading.

The Librarian leaned forward and inspected her badge of rank, Technical Librarian, 1st Class. He nodded and showed her his badge, which was worn backwards on a leather thong around his neck. The orangutan was a Senior Master Librarian, next to the top rank and the highest ranking librarian she has ever met. "Wow!" she gasped quietly.

"Ook," said the Librarian.

"That's a long time to study," said Alissa. "But I want to go to the top someday, Chief Master Librarian."

"Ook," he said with an encouraging smile that included lots of teeth.

"Oh, this?" she suddenly remembered she had a letter in her hand. "The Patrician sent this with me, I'm supposed to give it to the Archchancellor. There was some confusion when I arrived last night and the Patrician told me I would be working here. The Patrician sends this letter with his regards."

"Ook."

"Well, if the Archchancellor doesn't read his mail, then here." And she handed the Librarian the letter. The Librarian opened up the message, read it, then he chuckled and wadded it up, and threw it in the trash. "What did it say?"

"Ook."

"Well, I'll try to live up to his expectations."

<><><><><> ֎ <><><><><>

Alissa became the official assistant librarian at the Unseen University, the foremost school of wizarding and magic on the discworld. She found that as long as she stays in the library, she won't draw attention. She is the only female on the staff of an all-male university and she's bound to draw attention. Mostly she stays in the library so she won't see something disturbing, but there's so much library packed into their library, who would want to leave?

Outside of the library, the student wizards were doing something that included entrails fairly often, and that was reason enough to stay among the stacks. She also discovered that the books in the library had lives of their own. Each book was imbued with the magic contained on the spells and incantations that were in the book. Then, to make matters more difficult, these books shared magical power with each other, making their spells stronger.

More interestingly, the books developed personalities. Some books were quite fond of her, but the older books contained the ethos of their time of publication and didn't like the idea of women reading, writing, and performing feats of library prowess. Occasionally books would fly off the shelves, the newer books throwing themselves into her arms, the older, crotchety books were aiming at her head.

The three made a team, as Head Librarian, the orangutan would spend hours rebinding ancient tomes and scouring the magical world for books they didn't have in their collection. Alissa, as Assistant Librarian, would check books in and out, help students and professors find what they need, restock shelves, check the card catalog against the books on the shelves, and organize search parties for lost underclassmen. As Executive Assistant to the Assistant Librarian, Rincewind would sweep floors and empty the trash.

Daily, they would have lunch together and occasionally swap stories of their past. Alissa told of her arrival to Ankh-Morpork. "I was born in Quirm, I was the only child, and when I was six my folks died of the Scurrilous Flu. My aunt sent me to Miss Pilgrim's Boarding School for Exceptional Young Women. There they taught us to crochet doilies, mend clothing, and bake. Luckily they had a library so I learned to read, and I eventually got a degree in Library Science."

"Ook?" asked the Librarian.

"Well..." Alissa sounded embarrassed. "When I arrived in Ankh-Morpork it was late and I was trying to find my way here and some guy grabbed me and demanded to see an example of my embroidery. He said he wanted to thread my needle for me." {The man assumed she was a "Seamstress" which in Ankh-Morpork is a woman of negotiable virtue whose company and affection can be purchased for an evening, or rented by the hour.}

"I don't sew," insisted Alissa. "I've never threaded a needle in my life and I've only wound a bobbin once and it made my arm tired... STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" When the librarian and Rincewind regained their composure Alissa said, "the guy groped me, so I called for the police and he groped harder so I stuck him with my nail file. The cops arrive and ask, 'What's going on' and I said 'he groped me' and they started making jokes about my pin cushions and I said, 'he didn't touch any pincushions, he grabbed my tits!' and I ended up standing in front of the patrician charged with Failure to Use An Appropriate Euphemism in Public. I told the Patrician my story and he sent me here."

The Librarian told of how he turned into an orangutan in a magical explosion, "Ook."

"Really? Nobody tried to turn you back into a wizard?" gasped Alissa.

"By the time we got around to it, he was already swinging from the bookshelves and stocking up on bananas," said Rincewind. "Believe me, we still try to change him back, but he keeps getting away."

"Ook!" said the librarian proudly.

It was really true, the orangutan's body was made for working in a library. He can swing up to the highest shelves with his arms, carrying books with his feet. Most of the Librarians' stories were about the fun he has at night down at the Mended Drum pub eating peanuts and trying to convince drunks they were hallucinating. His stories were better than Rincewind's stories. Whenever Rincewind told a story, it always involved running away from something horrible.

"Ook," said the Librarian one fine spring day.

"You put me in for promotion to Master Librarian? Oh thank you!"

"Ook."

A verbal examination held by Igor, the highest ranking librarian on the discworld, sounded terrifying, but the librarian was sure she could handle it. "When will that examination be?"

"Ook."

"Why so long? That's nearly a year."

"Ook."

"Tradition?" Alissa sighed, then said, "I suppose that gives me plenty of time to prepare." She was excited to be considered for promotion and saddened that the exam would be after the beginning of the new year. "I better get back to work."

Alissa walked through the library and many of the books greeted her in their own unique way. They thumped against their shelves or ruffled their pages. Books laying flat waved to her and even the dangerous, angry books rattled their chains to say hi. Books no longer tried to hit her head, instead they leaped into her arms and many loved it when she held the book against her chest.

As for the wizards of the Unseen University, most of them pretended she didn't exist. The library already had a wizard that was transformed into an orangutan, so it occurred to the senior wizards that Alissa was a wizard that got transformed into something curvy, something that inspired cold showers and a long lie-down. The students were different. Many of the younger students would try to talk to her, then begin to stutter and dash away. Others were insufferably rude.

There were a few students that she enjoyed talking to, and there were a couple that inspired the most interesting tingles in places she refused to admit having. It was Cayson Ewart that inspired the best tingles. She enjoyed his company and enjoyed his description of the campus outside of the library and he was just fun to be around regardless of what they were doing. The Miss Pilgrim's Boarding School for Exceptional Young Women taught her that young men like Cayson Ewart were dangerous and should be avoided, but Cayson wasn't dangerous. He could barely conjure a white dove {which was living in the Library and feeding off scraps left from lunch.}

Several times a day she had a stack of books to return to the shelves, which was boring work, but it helped her learn the layout of the library and eventually meet the friendly books which she planned to read. She's been sitting up nights reading and somehow, without lectures or labs, she was learning magic and accumulating Thaum.

As she carried the books back to their shelves, she entered a section of the Library that she's never seen before. The librarian always handled this section of the library and warned her away with a sternly worded "ook." It was high above the library floor on a chained off balcony far above the other books, situated just below the huge, domed skylight. She heard Rincewind call this section the "Plain Brown Paper Wrapper" section. She took the book up the long ladder and there on the walkway in the "Plain Brown Paper Wrapper" section, she looked at the book. Like all the books in this section, it was covered in brown craft paper colored leather and there was no marking on the book other than the Dewey Decimal System number at the base of the spine.

She had to open the book to see what the actual title was. The book fought back but it eventually let her open the cover to the title page and found that the name of the book was Thaumatic Accumulation Through Erotic Stimuli. Alissa knew what most of that meant. Thaumatic Accumulation was gathering magical power. The more Thaumatic Energy you could accumulate, the more powerful your magic will be. {The thaum is the basic unit of magic. One thaum is defined to be the amount of magic which is needed to produce a white pigeon or a twenty foot long chain of silk handkerchiefs tied together.} Using a simple spell, Erotic Stimulation could be converted to Thaum easily.

What she didn't understand was Erotic Stimuli. Alissa grew up isolated from the rest of the world in a girls' school in Quirm. When she graduated, she was completely on her own, and she continued her studies in Library Science as best she could. But library science did not prepare her for the world that hid behind the word 'Erotic.'

She looked up Erotic and found that it was an adjective that meant "relating to or arousal of sexual desire or excitement: titillating, salacious, prurient, lubricious, suggestive, pornographic, lewd, smutty, or hardcore." Most of those words meant nothing to her except 'sexual,' she knew what sex she was, so that was no big deal, and the word 'suggestive' which in the context meant absolutely nothing. She already knew she was a girl. There's nothing you need to suggest about that.

Alissa was never told about the "birds and the bees," it was never discussed in Miss Pilgrim's Boarding School for Exceptional Young Women. There were no boys, and the caretaker was a manly old woman named Maud. All she was told about sex was the one she had. As for where babies came from, she was told that they came from a midwife.

She made a note of all the definitions of Erotic she could find and went downstairs to find more books on the subject. There had to be some reason those books were shelved separately. As she flipped through the card catalog, she felt like the books were laughing at her. {That's only because they were.} She turned to Twurps All The Discworld's Majic, the ultimate reference encyclopedia for the thaumatologically inclined {Wizards cannot say anything with one syllable while they have an extra dozen syllables lying around unused}

"What'cha looking up?" came a voice from behind her. She recognized that voice by the way she felt like she was going to melt. It was Cayson Ewart. Except for the funny name, Cayson was a quiet, serious young man who took up studying thaumatology only because he was good at it. His heart wasn't in the entire academic scene, the four enormous meals a day {plus tea}, and the backstabbing {with real knives} that it took to advance in the wizarding world. If he didn't have a scholarship, he would be in some other school learning something useful. Wasp husbandry or silo design, something he could use. He wanted to get his schooling done, then move to a small town on the Sto Plains, or maybe a village in Klatch, and become the village doctor. He knew witches can be doctors. Why not wizards?

Cayson was the student wizard that inspired many a confusing tingle in Alissa. It never occurred to her that there was something that could be done about those tingles.

"I'm researching these," Alissa held up the list of words that she was looking up. Cayson knew what they meant. However, he had no experience that allowed him to express what the words really meant. He had vague ideas floating around in his head, but the closest he has been to a naked woman was when his older sister accidentally changed clothes in front of a partially open door. At least he was aware of the differences between men and women.

"Interesting list, none of these ever came up in any of my classes or research," said Cayson.

"We have a book entitled Thaumatic Accumulation Through Erotic Stimuli and it sounded interesting," said Alissa.

"It does...I mean it does," said Cayson, his voice harsh in his dry throat. He wondered what Alissa looked like under her robes and dresses. She's a lot rounder in places than his sister.

"It says here that in Jamaluddin Halim Al Su'ud's book 'Muntasaf Allayl fi Alwaha' it is said that thaum may quickly be obtained through erotic stimulation when two study the Unsacred Texts of Alyad together."

"Do you have the 'Unsacred Texts of Alyad?'" asked Cayson.

"Let's find out," said Alissa and she led Cayson to the card catalog and searched for Unsacred Texts. "Unsacred Texts" was an extremely popular way to name a book containing magical spells, or books that the author wanted you to think contained magical spells. Several Unsacred Texts were cookbooks promising unholy good double chocolate cakes, tarts, and pies.

The Unsacred Texts took up an entire drawer of the card catalogue and it took some work, but eventually she found it, Unsacred Texts of Alyad. She recognized that dewy decimal system location. The texts were far above their heads.

"How are you at climbing?" she asked with a grin, and soon she was leading him up the tall ladder that reached almost to the glass dome that was the roof. While he caught his breath and tried not to look down at the maze of bookshelves, Alissa searched the books of the Plain Brown Paper Wrapper section. "Here we go, the Unsacred Texts of Alyad." The Unsacred Texts of Alyad spanned at least eight volumes, so Alissa started at the beginning. She pulled a plain brown book from the shelf and flipped it open. She read the title page and said, "This book is written in multiple voices."

"What do you mean?" asked Cayson.

"You haven't run into that yet? It's used in magic texts to insure more than one person reads it. I'll be able to read some parts but not others. You'll be able to read the parts that I can't."

"How is that possible?" asked Cayson.

"You're the wizard, you tell me," said Alissa, and she handed the book to Cayson. They sat down on the balcony and he began reading to himself. "Read it to me, please?" She enjoyed Cayson's company, and she liked to hear his voice.

"Ok... it's a story... a young princess has been captured by a foreign prince... they secretly love each other but their parents are at war..."

"I'm not seeing where you can accumulate thaum with that," said Alissa. {Her exploration into romantic novels has yet to suit up for that journey}

Cayson began reading out loud. "Princess Jamila found she was trapped in a long, narrow corridor. She looked at her unknown assailant and was terrified. The assailant was large and fearful with muscular arms and legs. All she could see of his face was his penetrating black eyes peering at her from above his face scarf. Those eyes were piercing. It was like he could see through the silk of her light blouse and drink in the sight of her breasts. Her nipples grew hard under his gaze. 'Stop it!' she screamed in terror, and in response, her captor pulled off his scarf. It was her love, Prince Samir."

As Cayson read, Alissa could feel the piercing gaze of her captor. She felt her nipples harden along with Princess Jamila's nipples. In the past, Alissa felt her nipples harden, mostly due to cold weather or a cold bath. She's never experienced it because of some guy's gaze. Usually, the gaze of some man caused her fists to harden and start swinging. Now she's finding herself tingling like Cayson described Princess Jamila doing, and when Prince Samir was revealed, Jamila and Alissa felt their hearts leap and ache for him. Alissa felt tingles happening lower, where no man has ever seen.

In the story the two young lovers were captured by the evil Grand Vizier and just then, "I can't read it anymore," said Cayson. "It's all out of focus."

"That means it's my turn," said Alissa. She took the book from Cayson and leaned back against the balcony railing and started reading. "... the Grand Vizier, Sabri Al Yusha, had other plans for the two lovers. They were carried off in the night to the Grand Vizier's hidden palace in Ecbatana. There, in the depths of the dungeon, they were jailed in cells across the hall from each other, and if they talked to each other, the guard would go into Prince Samir's cell and beat him as a punishment."

Alissa turned the page and continued reading. "Then come the day that Sabri Al Yusha devised the most evil of tortures. Yusha's guards dragged the lovers from their cells to a beautiful bath in the center of his harem. Prince Samir was chained to a wall and the huge men disappeared and when Princess Jamila tried to free Samir, a dozen beautiful women from all over Klatch entered the bath. Wearing only silk, they grabbed Jamila and led her to the bath. She struggled but one of the girls whispered in her ear, 'We're not here to hurt you, we are only bathing you for your lover.' They gently removed all of Jamila's clothing and for the first time in her life she was naked before a man. She felt an excitement course through her as her lover drank in the sight of her body, her firm round breasts, her tiny narrow waist and her round hips."

The story went on about the beautiful harem girls leading Princess Jamila into the fragrant bath and bathing her, and how Princess Jamilia groaned in delight at their touches. Cayson and Alyssa handed the book back and forth as they read the story. The teasing and titillation went on and on and the two young readers, barely out of their teens, could magically see in their minds the actions that the text described. Although they didn't understand the salacious parts of what the text was describing, it had an effect on them. The story wasn't much. The Evil Grand Vizier would describe many ways that Princess Jamila was touched, bathed, oiled, perfumed, then she and Prince Samir were chained just out of reach of each other, going out of their minds with desire.

Alissa and Cayson were also going out of their minds with desire and their hands were straying to parts of their bodies that were only touched when bathing. Alissa's hand started straying into her blouse and her fingertips touched a tingling nipple, which caused her to gasp at the thrill it caused.

"Not much of a story," said Alissa, as she put the book back on the shelf with trembling hands. She realized that there was an empty feeling in her where she rarely had feelings other than an occasional cramp. And there was a mysterious moisture there.

"For literature it was weak. There was no real climax," said Cayson, not realizing he just uttered his very first double entendre. The story didn't have a climax for any of its participants {other than the evil vizier who had a harem girl performing acts on him that Alissa and Cayson were unable to understand.} Cayson took the next book off the shelf and read the title. Unsacred Texts of Alyad Volume 2.

"Did you gain any thaums?" asked Alissa as she stepped onto the ladder that would take them down.

"Yes," said Cayson, who was embarrassed to say how many thaums he gained. It was actually quite a few. He now had the highest number of thaums he has ever attained. He slipped the Unsacred Texts of Alyad Volume 2 under his robes and followed her down the ladder.

"How do you tell?" she asked. They were now carefully climbing down the wobbly thirty foot high ladder.

"You incite Gorgon's Thaumatic Totalizer. It's a simple spell, I can teach it to you. You close your eyes and say Ostende Mihi Thaum, and if you have any thaum accumulated it will show you."

She knew this language, it was ancient Latatian, it meant 'Show Me The Thaum.' She closed her eyes and said Ostende Mihi Thaum and in glowing numerals, the number 25 appeared to her. "I got thaum!"

She looked up to say something about her thaum and she realized she could see up his robes. To her surprise, she discovered he had a throbbing manhood just like Prince Samir! What was that other thing... his pulsating passion? Does that mean she has a quivering yoni like Princess Jamila? Her mind went back to the story of the two lovers aching for each other's touch but denied that touch and forced to watch each other endure some other delightful torture. That has to be what titillation means!

Halfway down the ladder, a bookshelf extended perpendicular to the wall, and she stepped off on to the top of the wide bookshelf. When Cayson reached her level, she tugged his robes and urged him to step off the ladder onto the top of the bookshelf with her. The top of the bookshelf was wide, and the edges were lined with leafy and flowering plants tall enough to hide behind. The shelf extended out into the library by fifty feet. "I've never had a man in my bedroom before," said Alissa.

"This is your bedroom?" said Cayson as he crawled on hands and knees behind her. "Can't everyone see you?"

"Not if I'm laying down," said Alissa. "Who would look up here anyhow?" {The magical nature of the library makes the shelves look nearly endless in all directions. But since all libraries are connected, in theory the shelves really are endless} "And the librarian's room is over there."

"That's his desk." Cayson looked, and it appeared to be off in the distance, lost in the maze of bookshelves. It was like when a day hiker pauses in his climb up a mountain and cries out in the mantra of all those new to mountain climbing, "I can see my house from up here!"

"He sleeps under it," said Alissa. She reclined on her cushion in boneless pleasure and asked, "Did you understand that story?"

"Not really," said Cayson. "The torture was to see each other not get tortured? Wouldn't that be the opposite of torture?"

"The narrative kept saying that the torture was not getting fulfillment," said Alissa. "What were they not fulfilling?" The text didn't say what went unfulfilled, but she was aching from experiencing the massages and gentle hands oiling her smooth skin, the baths where hands were running over her wet skin, touching her in places she rarely touched herself and she found moisture where she wished she was drier.

"Maybe that question is answered in this volume," said Cayson, who was aching in places that made him glad he wasn't kicked there. He pulled Volume Two of The Unsacred Texts of Alyad out of his robes.

"You didn't check that out," she said.

"It hasn't left the library," Cayson defended himself. They sat next to each other and opened the cover. The title page said that this book was written in two voices also, but instead of a fantasy story, it was a sensual road atlas of the erotic portions of the human body. Nervously, Cayson looked around and asked, "It the head librarian here?"

"No, he's on a round-world called Erp looking for a good copy of The Necronomicon. Our copy picked a fight with the Octavo over who was more evil and all we found of The Necronomicon was the binding's spine and a few gum wrappers that were being used as bookmarks in The Necronomicon hanging out of the Octavo."

"Round-world?" chuckled Cayson. "That's funny." {Everyone knew that a round-world was scientifically impossible. The moment it rotated; everyone would fly off into space. And how could the turtle carry it? It would roll off its turtle's shell.}

Alissa put her lips near Cayson's ear and said in a breathy whisper, "they exist."

A shiver went down Cayson's spine, not from her assertion that round-worlds exist {silly girl!} but from the closeness of her. Her breast pressed against his arm and her lips felt so warm near his ear that he felt like he wanted her lips to remain there... but also find other places to be near.

Nervously, he cleared his throat and opened the book and began reading. "Any exploration of a woman's body starts at the feet," Cayson read. "The feet will carry the young lady for the rest of her life so they must be pampered with special care, a good warm soak at day's end does wonders for her feet and her nature."

Alissa felt her feet being soaked in a warm bath and being washed and massaged by strong hands. As Cayson read on, Alissa felt the need to take off her boots, but to her surprise they were off and so were her slightly mismatched stockings. {When all you wear are high top boots and ankle-length dresses, the desire to ensure that your stockings were matched fades.}

"Next are the ears, these are surprisingly sensitive to gentle touches, licks, and playful nips..."

In Alissa's mind, she felt the nips and licks on her ears. It was all strangely thrilling. It felt much better than what the text described. When he read about The Neck, she felt the kisses, licks, and 'love bites' and the suckling of a spot behind her ear that sent incredible thrills through her body. Now Princess Jamilia's torture made sense to Alissa. She felt like she would go out of her mind if she didn't physically experience what Cayson was reading. "Don't read," she gasped, "Do it."

Cayson looked, and Alissa was sitting next to him. She had unbuttoned the top buttons of her dress and had bared her shoulders and her naked feet peeked out from under the hem of her skirt. These weren't the first bare feet he's seen. He used to catch crawdads in Parnell's creek with Jana Heikki and they would take off their shoes and socks. He'd hike up his trouser legs, and she'd hoist her skirts, but only as far as needed to catch the little crawling snacks.

But Alissa bared her shoulders! These were the first naked shoulders that Cayson had ever seen and, for some reason, he forgot how to breathe. Her skin was milky perfection, and he leaned over and kissed her shoulder, which cause a slight thrill in Alissa. Not the magical thrills they were experiencing from the books. Those felt wonderful, but they weren't real. The kisses that Cayson peppered her shoulder with caused genuine thrills in Alissa and the tiny gasps and coos that escaped her lips encouraged Cayson to produce more gasps is Alissa.

His lips reached her neck, and she purred with pleasure. She leaned back against him and tentatively, his arms surrounded her. As he kissed his way up her shoulder, she grabbed his wrists and pulled his arms around her tighter. "The woman's neck is quite sensitive to loving nips and suckling. The man must be aware of her reactions, act on the positive reactions, and try something else should he receive a negative reaction to his touch."

"Gods that's nice," said Alissa as Cayson nipped at her earlobe, driving completely unexpected thrills through her body. How come when she puts earrings on there's nothing, but when he nips at her earlobes there are fireworks that start at her ears and go down to her... "How can you do that and read at the same time?"

"I'm not reading," said Cayson.

The book was reading itself to them. Alissa had read a notice about this possibility, but that only applied to... Cayson's tongue tickling a spot on her neck just below and behind her ear caused her to gasp. He applied a little suction along with the tongue and she went out of her mind. The notice {or was it a warning?} in the book was driven from her mind and she silently groaned in pleasure. Her arm curled up and gently grasped his head, holding him to his task.

"The mans body can be just as sensitive and it is the wise woman who can keep that in mind." The book changed voices and was reading itself in a voice similar to Alissa's voice. "A wise woman knows that a man's tongue is quite sensitive, especially when stimulated with her tongue..."

Alissa twisted and pulled herself into Cayson's lap, and their lips met. They kissed gently, two, three, maybe four times, then...

"When you allow your tongues to meet a special thrill goes down both bodies and your minds begin to think as one, your hearts start to beat as one..."

The book was right. Alissa's and Cayson's kisses became hungry. They grasped at each other as their tongues entwined and their bodies pressed together.

"Do not be surprised if your man starts to unbutton your dress. It's your choice to stop him here, or to allow him to explore the mysteries you've been hiding from him..."

The book was talking to them directly now, not some generic audience. "Should we be doing this?" gasped Alissa between kisses.

Cayson's hand unbuttoned the upper part of her dress and was now approaching her unprotected breast. "I can't fight it myself," he gasped, and their eyes met. Her mirthful brown eyes met his ocean blue eyes, and they realized that neither could fight this spell they were trapped in on their own, it would have to take both of them working together to break out of this spell... and neither of them wanted that to happen.

Alissa's hand wrapped around Cayson's hand and guided him to her breast. She gasped as his hand closed around her delicious mound. She leaned forward and suckled at his neck like he did hers while the book softly urged them on. "Atop her breast lies her nipple, the focal point of nourishment for a newborn child, but until that time, her nipples are centers for exotic thrills and if you treat your woman right, a climax."

Cayson squeezed and pinched her nipple, twisting it between two fingers as the urge to... to do something more built in both innocent people, barely out of their teens. Alissa gave an extremely quiet cry of desire {she is a librarian, after all} and pulled at Cayson's robes, exposing his chest.

"The man's nipple is extremely sensitive and he may not be ready for stimulation at first. It is up to you as his lover to gently teach him how to appreciate this delightful stimulus," said the book. With a cry, Alissa dove forward and suckled one of Cayson's nipples, causing him to jump back in shock. The couple looked at each other, panting, then began pulling their clothes off.

"By now you should be able to tell if she is becoming excited. Gently take her breast into your mouth and..." Cayson didn't hear the end of what the book was saying. He began suckling at her breast and she covered his ears with both hands to hold him in place and he could no longer hear.

"So good!" shouted Alissa, almost loud enough to be heard. {Librarians can do that.} She guided his mouth to her other breast, and the sensations were incredible. Lightning bolts of sensation were shooting from her breasts to somewhere between her legs.

The book kept feeding them instructions and occasionally warned them that one or the other was close to falling off their bookshelf perch. "Now they reach down and find the object of their desire," said the book. "He will find her yoni moist and ready for him. She will find his lingam eager and throbbing."

Cayson felt his fingers discover a patch of hair similar to his own between her legs and as they kissed passionately, he gently explored with his fingers. Between her folds, he found Alissa to be moist and very warm. A finger explored and brushed against something that made her eyes roll back and she gasped. Then his finger found an entrance. She was so warm and moist and soft. Alissa kissed Cayson and when their lips parted and he looked confused. "Yoni?" he asked.

"It's an old book."

"All right then, cunt," said the book with a pout. "Have it your way. Pardon me for trying to class this up a bit."

"Yoni is ok," said Cayson, terrified at what could happen if the book grew angrier.

"I like Lingam," added Alissa. She knew what angry books could do. It wasn't pretty.

"Good, because you will hate the alternatives," said the book. "Now, lay down, side by side head to toe, and face each other, raise a leg and let your spouse explore."

In Cayson's head he heard, "the inside of your wife's thighs is very sensitive, gently stroke your fingertips from her knees to her Yoni, pay attention to her reactions, learn the touch that gets the most intense reaction."

Cayson gently ran his fingers up her inner thighs, then gently eased a finger inside of her pussy again. It was so warm and soft and it felt so good on his finger. How will it feel on his cock? "You're not going to believe the feeling," whispered the book.

Meanwhile, the book was whispering to Alissa, "This is your husband's Lingam, those are his semennik, that is where your babies will come from..."

"Babies come from a midwife," Alissa whispered.

If books could sigh in exasperation, this one certainly did. Soon, the knowledge of human reproduction filled their minds. The book also gave the knowledge to both of them because it discovered that Cayson's concept of reproduction was as strange as Alissa's midwife theory. {He was told that babies were purchased at an orphanage like he was.}

The book continued to use words like husband, wife, and spouse, and neither Alissa nor Cason noticed at first. But the more the book used those words, both young lovers realized they had crossed a threshold that neither had wanted to cross... and now they wanted to go further.

Laying side by side, they got their chance to inspect each other's sex, both guided by the book. "Lick there. She will really love it if you slid another finger in with the first one. Tongue and gently suckle his semennik. Stroke him gently but faster, this is called 'winding the bobbin.'"

"EWWW!" Alissa just realized what she said at lunch a few months ago.

At the book's urging, Cayson rolled onto his back, and he pulled Alissa up with him and he began licking her yoni as she stroked, licked and sucked his lingam. "You two are fast learners," said the book as it watched with pride as its pupils pleasured each other. Cayson flicked his tongue over her clit and fucked two fingers in and out of her pussy, while Alissa began sucking his cock, taking just a little bit more, sucking him deeper with each swallow.

She felt it coming. Something was building up inside of her, and as she sucked on Cayson's lingam, she paused. Pressures were building, and she whimpered silently around his cock. The book continued to encourage Cayson. "This is it, this is what you want for her to do, just a little bit more... and... now." Suddenly, a wave of explosive sexual relief crashed over her and she gasped and cried out almost silently around his cock and balls. Wave after wave of sheer pleasure crashed over her. Fluid filled Cayson's mouth, and the book explained it was evidence that he pleasured his wife properly.

Alissa was still shuddering from her first climax and was completely unaware of everything else. When she came to her senses, she found herself on her back and Cayson was between her legs lining his lingam up with her yoni. "I have to, I'm dying," he groaned softly.

Alissa gently placed her finger on his lips and, with the other hand, reached down between them and helped line him up. "There," she whispered, and he eased into her. The stretching, the spreading, the invasion by another human was both strange and exciting to her. Cayson was out of his mind and incapable of rational thought as her hot, wet pussy swallowed his cock. Their groins pressed together, and she felt the head of his cock press against something inside her. "That means a proper fit," said the book.

Cayson began sliding his cock in and out of her. The sensation of her hot, wet walls grasping his cock quickly drove him out of his mind, and his first orgasm was going to happen soon. She gripped his ass and urged him to fuck her. "Harder, lover. Give me all of your love," she whispered. There was no way he could stop. He was fucking her automatically. His hips were working on their own, driving his cock in and out of her, tension and excitement building, their lips brushing against each other, and soon an explosion happened somewhere behind his eyeballs. Spurt after spurt of semen sprayed into Alissa as Cayson's first orgasm crashed over him. They kissed gently until his cock softened and slipped out of Alissa, a sensation she thought was amazing.

The exhausted couple cuddled and kissed until Cayson whispered, "Why was the book calling us husband and wife?"

Alissa shrugged her shoulders, but the book said, "Follow us and you will find out."

"Us?" said Cayson.

" The Unsacred Texts of Alyad is an eight volume set," said Alissa. "That was just volume two, according to the end notes, if we go back and re-read the story of Princess Jamila and Prince Samir, the story will be different. It will contain what we learned the volume two."

"Oh gods, will we survive that?" asked Cayson. He was still panting in exhaustion and relief after his first fuck.

"The story in volume one will change with each volume you complete and your knowledge increases, along with your thaum," said the book.

Both of the lovers checked their thaum... they were both well over five hundred, that's master wizard territory and they accumulated that without lecture, without faculty luncheon, and without crushing student debt.

"Let's find out," and Alissa and Cayson smiled at each other.

<><><><><> ֎ <><><><><>

The librarian returned several days later; he was pulling a little wagon and in the wagon was an iron cage that contained a snarling, snapping copy of The Necronomicon. When he got to his desk, there was an enormous stack of books to be shelved and Rincewind who looked overwhelmed. "Ook?" asked the Librarian.

"She's gone," said Rincewind sadly. "Her and that Cayson Ewert fellow, they took eight books from the Plain Brown Paper Wrapper section, left some money for the books and said they'd be in touch."

The librarian sat and peeled a banana thoughtfully. He believed that all of life's problems could be solved in the space of time that it takes to eat a banana. If the problem was still there when you were done, it wasn't your problem. He signed and took a bite of the banana. She was quite a good worker, even with Cayson around whispering with her constantly. She added a woman's touch and had a lot of good ideas on how the place should be run. He hoped that the next woman that gets assigned to his library stays longer.