- a continuing celebration of -

Fifty Years of Pratchett

© 2023 Duleigh Lawrence-Townshend. All rights reserved. The author asserts the right to be identified as the author of this story for all portions not previously copyrighted by Terry Pratchett. This story or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner without the express written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a review or commentary. If you see this story on any website other than Literotica.com, it has been copied without the author's permission.

This is a work of love, a fan fiction. Many of these characters are the creation of Sir Terry Pratchett, as is the multiverse in which they live. If you would like to find out which of these characters is or is not a creation of Terry, please contact this author. This tale was not written to steal the fame that Sir Terry rightfully earned, but to enjoy one more romp in the shadow of Cori Celesti and remind the world of what we lost on March 12, 2015.

"One day I'll be dead and THEN you'll all be sorry."

- Terry Pratchett, 28 Nov 1992 on alt.fan.pratchett

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ENCHANTRESS 8

It's About Time

{With parenthetical annotations}

The Auditors of Reality are the eternal watchers of time and space. Appearing as empty gray cloaks to those that can see them, they have no sense of humanity and all that it entails whether it be humor or a sense of individualism, which they really despise. They are unseen by humans and Auditors always speak of the "we," never the "me" or the "I." Auditors always work in groups of at least three, so that each one can be watched by at least two others. Supposedly all Auditors are of the same opinions about everything, but they still need to watch each other because, frankly, the temptation to live is too great.

"There is one who does not recognize the infallibility of time," said an Auditor of Reality.

"YOU REFER TO MY DAUGHTER," said the anthropomorphic personification of Death. Death looked similar to the Auditors however his robes are not empty, skeletal hands emerged from the sleeves, and skeletal feet can be seen from under the edge of his shroud. Two brilliant points of blue light were far back in his hood and occasionally you could see his skull.

"You have a daughter?" asked an Auditor of Reality. "I did not think that was allowed."

"YOU SAID I."

"I did not! Wait! Oh blast..."

Pop!

and with that the Auditor of Reality winked out of existence. The remaining two Auditors of Reality waited for another one to Pop into their midst before continuing. "She cannot be your actual daughter."

"SHE IS NOT, BUT IT MAKES HER HAPPY WHEN I CALL HER THAT. YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO SEE HER WHEN SHE IS ANGRY."

"We speak not of Octavia, but of one or two others."

"ONE OR TWO?" asked Death innocently.

"I'm not quite sure." Then the Auditor saw his partners looking at him. "Oh shi..."

Pop!

After a pause a third auditor appeared, and the auditors huddled for a moment then turned to Death once again. Before they could speak, they were joined by another anthropomorphic personification of a concept which added to the Auditor's ire. "Please wait, we will address your concerns..."

"I wait for no man," came the distinctly feminine voice of the new character. "But that girl, I'll hang around a while for her," said the anthropomorphic personification of Time with a sexy smirk and a wink. Time is a tall and slender woman, a beautiful Agatean with dark almond shaped eyes and long black hair and wearing a silky red and black dress.

"Why would you 'hang around' for her?" asked an Auditor.

"You wouldn't understand," purred Time with feline grace. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

"Beauty is in the beholders eye?" asked the Auditor, but the other two turned toward him. "I did not say I, I said eye! Awww bloody hell..."

Pop!

The remaining Auditors realized that they lost control of this conversation and faded from Death's house, but they would be back to take this up with him again. Time patted Death on the chest as she walked past him. "They fall for it every time." She entered the Gallery of Time where tens of thousands of life timers waited. The background noise was a soft roar, the accumulated sound of grains of sand sliding through the hour glasses that filled shelves that were stacked up into the rafters. Another anthropomorphic personification waited for them, this one was Space, he was Time's twin brother. He was tall and slim with black hair and almond shaped brown eyes, and he wore black horn-rimmed glasses held together with tape.

Time melted into Space's arms, and they kissed long and passionately, their hands sliding gently down to each other's bum where squeezes were administered and appreciated. Death waited for them to finish their incestuous kiss, there's no way to separate them because Time and Space are inexorably linked. Finally, after their kiss ended and they crooned in each other's ear, they turned to a shelf that contained one life timer.

The sand didn't look like it was flowing in this one, it didn't move fast enough for a trickle, in fact you would have to be very patient to notice that the sand was even moving, occasionally a grain would leave the upper bulb and join the stream of seemingly motionless grains in that long drop to the tiny pile of sand grains at the bottom of the lower bulb. The owner of this life timer wasn't immortal, but no one could possibly live long enough to notice.

The wooden frame of the ornate hourglass which was the life timer had a golden tag mounted on the base of the lower bulb and the name was clearly printed in glowing letters:

Corina Aldana

The Enchantress

"She isn't actually beating me, and she's not cheating," said Time as she studied the life timer. "She's... controlling me..." Time licked her bright red lips and crooned, "It's so hot."

"I DO NOT THINK THE AUDITORS WERE SPEAKING OF HER."

"Her children?" asked Time. Death's hood nodded slightly. "The two that I touched?" she asked. When Death's hood nodded again, Time sighed. "I was afraid of that."

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It was a foggy day in Bonk Überwald {It's pronounced be-onk} but then it's almost always cloudy in Bonk. Bonk is seat of government of Überwald which is run by the powerful Lady Margolotta the titular head of all vampires, Lady Serafina von Überwald, head of all werewolves and Lady Lucricia von Überwald, the bridge between those branches of the von Überwald family. People scuttled back and forth from shop to shop but two shoppers looked out of place, merely because they tried so hard not to look out of place and their attempts to blend facelessly in with the crowd set them apart.

One of these shoppers took horse and carriage to Bonk and headed for the Bonk-Schmaltzberg Grand Terminal, a railroad terminal for the Ankh-Morpork & Sto Plains Hygienic Railroad. There the second shopper joined him and they dallied about trying to kill an hour, strolling the main courses and peering through shop windows, then they returned to the terminal and stepped onto a radical steam powered staircase. The staircase took them several hundred feet below ground to the dwarven city of Schmaltzberg, home of thousands of dwarven fat miners and deep downers that were searching for the fabled layer of Froonium.

Near the base of the powered staircase were two things of interest to the shoppers, one was Rkund Palace, home of Blodwen Rhysdottir, the Low Queen of the Dwarfs, they were interested in this place because they needed not to be seen by the people and guards of the dwarven ruling class. The other was a small and inauspicious-looking enterprise, Maxie Leadbelly's Joke and Magic Supply. They entered the small, cramped store trying to look as invisible as possible without disappearing and began to slowly browse their way to the back of the shop where the proprietor, Maxie, waited impatiently. "Ah, Jean and Vanni, my friends," said Maxie in a small voice that had the capacity to grow much louder. "How are you today?"

Signaling to keep the noise down, the shopper identified as Jean whispered. "Did you get it? Did it come in?"

"It's been here a week," said Maxie. Maxie was a dwarf, and he was nearly spherical. He had a bright orange beard, and his orange hair was cut in the sideways Mohawk known as a Ptsculsp to the young dwarves. "I don't like having this stuff, they track every gram, I have twice as much as legal for me to carry," and he produced a small envelope.

"How much?" asked Jean.

"Twenty-five, that's five dollars a gram, as cheap as you'll ever find it, and that's cuttin' me own throat."

"Will you take twenty?"

"Yes, just get it out of here." Maxie was getting nervous.

"Fifteen," said Jean.

"Never mind, I'll just burn it."

"Ok, here's your twenty."

"What about the other stuff?" asked the taller shopper, the one Maxie called Vanni.

"Octiron? I have all sorts, chains, ingot, sheet..."

"Powdered."

Maxie took a small apothecary bottle from the shelf and placed it in front of Vanni. "Ten... but for you I'll make it five, and that's cuttin' me own throat."

The two shoppers left Leadbelly's with their purchases and headed straight for the steam powered staircase. The long ride to the surface seemed to take forever, and the people on the downbound stairs seemed to be interested in looking at Jean and Vanni. Or was it nerves? Finally, they stepped off the stairs in the Grand Terminal and Vanni turned and headed straight for his train and Jean turned the opposite direction and headed for his carriage. They did it! They were able to obtain their poison without being recognized.

"Prime Minister?" called a voice in the crowd. It was Sebastian Dashwood, Archchancellor of the Unseen University. "Here for a little trainspotting Prime Minister?"

"I, er, just sightseeing archchancellor. You seem to be far from home yourself."

Archchancellor Dashwood merely has to step into his wife's library in Überwald and through the science of L-Space moments later he would step out onto the Unseen University in Ankh-Morpork a thousand miles away. "I don't mind the commute, the trip is worth the reward," said Sebastian as he hugged the glorious looking woman. Slim, shapely, with long silver hair, and bright red lips that matched her eyes. "Have you met the missus? This is my wife Lucricia von Überwald. Honey, this is Jean-Baptiste Favreau, our good friend King Verence's prime minister."

"Damnit," Jean muttered under his breath.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Ivo Stein carefully inspected the small pair of pants that he had just finished scrubbing. He took pride in his work and was happy with his results. He is proud to say that since he took over laundry for the Kings College of Lancre, not a single sock has been lost. Occasionally The Beast poked its nose out from behind the laundry tubs, looking for a sock to eat, but Ivo had a heavy wooden spoon and with lightning-fast reflexes he would smack the sock eating beast between the eyes. Many societies laugh and joke over the thought of a sock eating beast, until they catch one. These beasts are crafty, and most people do not have the patience to catch a Beast whose diet keeps an entire portion of the garment industry in business.

Ivo is a short man, standing approximately five foot four inches tall. His once thick black hair is now silver but remains thick. Lines from concern and anger aged his once handsome face, and happily now his main concern is grass stains in the knees of the boy's dungarees. In his past Ivo was an alcoholic and a drug addict. He beat women, hit children, drank, gambled, whored, stole, and was on the run from the law... and a number of bookies.

After several years of hard work in the coal and salt mines he reformed himself and was placed in charge of the laundry for 24 children aged 3 to 10. He actually found joy in this work and was able to get this position because his son was the king. Quite often he found himself speaking with the headmistress of the King's College, Magrat Garlick. Maggy is in her seventies yet at the same time she's as spry as a forty-year-old. {Spry is an actual physical condition that often sets in after retirement, regardless of the age you retired at. It allows you to simulate the physical prowess of someone younger than you, only while other people are watching.}

"... I was broke, in debt to several bookies, and addicted to Skim when I discovered that Pommy was alive. So, I came to Creel Springs to try to get money from him." Seeing a spot on a white blouse, Ivo went after the stain with laundry soap and a scrub brush. Pommy is Ivo's son, his birth name was Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Stein, but when Octavia met him, he was stealing bricks for a living, so she gave him the nickname Nick. Nick the Brick Nicker. His friends still call him Nick, or Porter, another nickname he had, but to most people in the world he is known as His Royal Majesty King Verence III.

"Did you know that your Pommy was the Duke of Wægn at the time?" asked Maggy. Maggy is the widow of King Verence II of Lancre. She was co-regent of this beautiful little mountain kingdom until her husband the king was killed in an uprising of insurgents. Her sons were dead, and her daughter was driven insane by their murder, so the crown passed in a different way.

"No, I never gave a hoot about politics," said Ivo as he held the little shirt up to the light. "All I know is that I spent my last seven dollars taking the carriage from Hot Dang to Creel Springs. I asked in the pub if anyone knew Pommy Stein and they sent me next door. An hour after I asked a constable if he could help me find Pommy Stein, I was wearing handcuffs in a basement jail cell."

"Oh," said Maggy. She's never spoken to anyone that had been in jail. "What is skim?"

"It's insidious, it's a drug that makes everything wonderful for about twelve hours. All the pain is gone, colors are brighter, everything smells good, you feel light and joyful, but when it wears off all you want is that happy world again and you will do anything to get it. And like all evil drugs, once you're addicted it takes more and more to return you to that happy world."

"Oh," said Maggy. Lancre is an isolated kingdom, big city problems haven't reached Lancre yet, their biggest worry is a lack of level ground. Drug addiction was not something Magrat was familiar with, neither was illegal gambling. "What's a bookie?"

Ivo looked at the tall slender woman and smiled, "You don't know what a bookie is?" She shook her head no and Ivo sighed. "Magrat Garlick, you have been blessed and you are unaware of the fact." He began taking clothes out of the rinse water and running them through the wringer. As he explained betting on horse, tiger, and river races, Maggy started turning the crank for the clothes wringer. {River Races in Ankh-Morpork are track and field events held on the surface of the River Ankh. The River Ankh is so filled with waste and debris that actual foot races can be run on the surface of the river with little or no danger to the runners. In fact, running on the river is much safer than running on the streets, you could get mugged on the streets.}

As he was explaining the concept of the trifecta when betting on bare knuckle boxing, he and Maggie hung the clothes to dry. The heat from the ovens in the palace kitchen is channeled into Ivo's drying room where parallel clothes lines stood ready for the children's clothing. Once the clothes were all hung and were drying, Magrat said, "You sound like you led a fascinating life Mister Stein. Would you join me at dinner? I would love to hear more of your story."

"Aww. That might not be such a good idea," said Ivo. "The king thinks that oi am a bad influence and oi tend to agree with him."

"Oh, tosh! At my age I'm entitled to decide what influences I can have in my life, good, bad, or indifferent."

"If you are willing to take that chance, your majesty, I'm willing to give it a go," said Ivo as they walked toward the dining room.

In the dining room twenty-four children of the Kings College of Lancre sat ready to eat and Ivo joined Lady Ruzanna Wynn, the head nutritionist and helped her set out meals for the children.

"How's he doing Maggy?" asked a voice near the cafeteria door.

"Your father? He's doing marvelously!" gushed Magrat. "And look! The children love him. Why don't you ease up on him, all you give him is stern discipline."

"I know, I want to but I'm so terrified that he will back slide. I heard that Skim can be found in Lancre, and I intend to stamp it out."

"You know, a little encouragement can't hurt," said Maggy to the shadow at the door.

"I know, I know, but I have to keep in mind that I don't just have a kingdom to protect, I have a family."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

The weather in Lancre was beautiful, it had been warm and sunny, and preparations for the Royal Double Wedding were well underway. As the plans got more and more complex the date kept getting pushed back until Llywella said to her mother, "We once talked about having needs, remember? Do we have to go over that again?"

Octavia sighed. As Queen of Lancre She could face an entire invading army, that was easy, but a teenage daughter that is hearing the call of nature is something quite different. "Dear, we're waiting to hear back from your future sister-in-law's family, they want their Grandma Rebecca to come to the wedding..."

"I will have my sister the Princess Witch do us a quickie marriage ceremony and I will be enjoying my husband down in the dungeon where those miscreants can hear us while you're still getting Grandma Rebecca out of the carriage."

"Loo-Loo please..."

Llywella took her mother's hands in hers and said, "Mom... we were ready to go when I turned fifteen. But I was good, we held off. Now that I've turned eighteen, I'm still being good, and we can't wait much longer..."

"Loo-Loo, you just turned eighteen yesterday." Octavia gestured to Loo-Loo's sister and sister-in-law Hollie and Annette who were sitting in a corner. Both were older than Loo-Loo, and both were pregnant. "Your sister-in-law waited three days, your sister waited three weeks, I'm sure that you have the intestinal fortitude to wait four days."

"I am proud to say that I do not. If you need me, I'll be in my room tickling my fancy," said Loo-Loo.

"Loo-Loo, relax," said Octavia. Behind her Annette and Hollie started snickering.

"Knock twice, I'll be hittin' the kitten," said Llywella as she started up the hall.

"Stop that."

"Rubbin' the Nubbin."

"LOO-LOO!" but Octavia couldn't be heard over Annette's and Hollie's laughter.

"If you need me, I'll be giving myself a hand."

"Who taught her this stuff?" said Queen Octavia throwing her hands up in the air.

"You did," said Gwendolyn. Gwendolyn was two years younger than Loo-Loo and although she had the black hair, short stature, and curvaceous physique of her mother and sisters, she didn't have their cheerful outgoing attitude. She was always an introverted child and rarely talked to anyone other than her older brother Exavier until she met her boyfriend.

"So Gwenny, are you bringing your boyfriend?"

"Who?" Gwen was lost in her thoughts.

"Pavel? Pavel Novik?" asked Hollie, "or have you dumped him?"

Gwendolin just shook her head 'no' and left. She headed up to the seventh floor and stood out on the patio looking at the mountains that surrounded the tiny town she is now part of.

"What's the matter minnow bait?" It was her big brother Marlon. They were really close when they were young. Gwendolyn is the infant that Annette, Marlon's wife, learned how to care for babies on, but it all fell apart when they started to build that damn duke's house.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," Marlon started to massage his teenage sister's shoulders.

"Your house killed Pavel's parents," said Gwendolyn.

"No, it didn't, don't be morbid..."

"That's where they died."

"Yes, but they were killed by wagon loads of mercenaries from Quirm and Ankh-Morpork who set fire to the house and wedged the doors shut. They were interred with all the honors that everyone else that died in Creel Springs received even though they were from Überwald. We made sure that the Überwald royalty was aware of that and they have a special monument in the Memorial Garden."

But Gwendolyn couldn't hear, the memories came flooding back...

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

June 15th, Year of the Harmonious Rabbit - Black Wednesday

There was so much going on in Creel Springs that Marlon didn't know where to turn, at the same time, he was learning how to deal with this sudden influx of power. Mercenaries were milling about damaging property and attacking locals. His primary job at the moment was to draw the mercenaries' attention away from the people of Creel Springs. At first he was just going to distract them so the watch could round them up, then he saw his friend Lynet Borson running for her life from a mercenary.

From that moment onward he saw no purpose for the concept of mercy.

Flying in the body of a roc {the largest winged predator on the disc} Marlon swooped down, and grabbed the mercenary that was chasing Lynet, then dispatched the would-be rapist. {dropped from a very high altitude is the accurate description} He made sure she was safe then flew over the village. Fires burned, the outnumbered Watch constables engaged in hand-to-hand fighting throughout the village and rage overcame Marlon. As the great flying beast, the roc, he would lift mercenaries out of fights and drop them from tremendous heights, as a Bang Galore tiger he shredded attackers. He couldn't protect the properties of Creel Springs, there wasn't enough of him to go around, he had to concentrate on the people. It was heart breaking to see flames engulfing the house that he and his fiancée Annette had been working so hard to build, but it was just lumber...

He had no idea that there were people in the building, Emil and Lydia Novik, they were painters from Überwald and had come down to Creel Springs for this job. Their remains would not be found for days.

<><><><><>

The next day, a carriage waited at the bookstore in Creel Springs and slowly the family of the Duke of Lancre emerged from the bookstore, and each one was in shock at the destruction that greeted them. Ignoring the carriage, they walked up Main Street in shock to see all the damage. Gwendolyn was shattered, the house that she and her brother Exavier played in as it was being built was gone, it was a heap of smoldering ash. Pavel Novik, the painter's son, sat on the stone wall that surrounded the property. He was staring numbly at the smoking heap of ash and scorched timbers, expecting his parents to rise at any minute.

Gwendolyn approached the painter's son but someone on a horse got in her way, looking up she saw that it was her brother Marlon. "Get in the carriage minnow bait, mom and dad are waiting for us."

With a last look at Pavel, Gwendolyn got in the carriage and joined her stunned grandmothers and siblings. As they passed by the wreckage of the duke's new home, Gwendolyn saw that Pavel was still sitting on the wall. Instead of taking the road up the ridgeback to the top of Breeders Peak, they found themselves entering a tunnel cut through the mountain, through solid granite. "No... not right," said Gwendolyn. She closed her eyes and concentrated...

There was a quick flash that only Gwendolyn and her far distant mother noticed and...

Gwendolyn approached the painter's son but someone on a horse got in her way, looking up she saw that it was her brother Marlon. "Get in the carriage minnow bait, mom and dad are waiting for us."

With a last look at Pavel, Gwendolyn got in the carriage and joined her stunned grandmothers and siblings. As they passed by the wreckage of the duke's new home, Gwendolyn saw that Pavel was still sitting on the wall. Without warning, Gwendolyn hopped out of the carriage and walked over to the remains of Wægn Manor. She climbed up onto the wall next to Pavel and sat with him, staring at the ashes that an occasional breeze lifted into the air.

Finally, the eight-year-old Gwendolyn said, "Come with me."

"Why?" asked Pavel.

"I'm pretty sure that I'm a princess now, you have to obey me."

"And what if I don't?" said the ten-year-old orphan.

"You don't get that choice, now come on." Gwendolyn hopped off the wall, and for some reason, Pavel found himself following her. He climbed into the carriage, and she patted the seat next to her. He sat down and the carriage restarted the journey to Lancre Town. Instead of taking the road up the ridgeback to the top of Breeders Peak, they found themselves entering a tunnel cut through the mountain, through solid granite.

They emerged from the tunnel behind the castle and the scene was horrific. Bodies were lined up on the lawn and a large crowd was gathered around them weeping. Occasionally a wail or shriek of anguish could be heard as a relative identified a body. "What happened?" demanded Hollie.

"Attackers got inside the castle," said Marlon. As the carriage rode past the bodies the children craned for a look, but Marlon refused to turn his head, he's seen enough death, he's had enough mourning for now.

"Who is that over there?" asked Hollie pointing at a small crowd of familiar looking people gathered around a shroud covered body that lay on the ground. But her older brother refused to answer, in fact he urged his horse ahead of the carriage. Hollie concentrated on his horse and it found itself following another lead and came to a sudden stop.

"Who?" demanded Gwendolyn, "Who are they looking at?" She was terrified that it was her mother.

"Magdalina," said Marlon as he stared morosely at the back of his horse's head. The family poured out of the carriage and the children raced over to the body that was covered by a sheet.

"Where is she? Where's my Magdalina?" cried Exavier.

The duke's children, now the king's children, recognized the maid's husband and they came to him hoping for answers, but an exhausted, injured guard stopped them before they could bother Magdalina's husband. "Let the friends we lost sleep and let their families have some quiet," the sorrowful young man asked. "Just be thankful that the men who did this are roasting in hell right now thanks to your father."

Gwendolyn looked back at the carriage and saw Pavel still sitting in the carriage staring at his hands. She headed back and climbed in the carriage and sat next to Pavel. "I got nothing," he whispered. "My mom and dad are gone, I'm alone in a strange town... what am I going to do?"

"You have me," whispered Gwendolyn and she held the boy who finally let the tears flow. He cried for a long time, his tears mingling with those of the people around him. Finally, he cried to exhaustion. As his breath came in hitching gulps Gwendolyn said, "you aren't alone, I'm here for you always... and it's not a strange town, it's a nice town and we will care for each other."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because that's the way it's going to be."

Lost in their own misery Gwendolyn and Pavel didn't notice the rest of the family returning to the carriage. They all sat in stunned silence as the carriage moved and carried them to the main entrance. Marlon led them through the castle to the tower where they normally stayed. Men and women with mops and brushes cleaned up the pools of blood as they walked past.

The Worblehat-Stein family had a big tearful meeting when they were all together again, including Ning who wept at the destruction she witnessed in Creel Springs then collapsed in shock at the amount of damage and death in Lancre Castle. The grandmothers were shocked themselves as they gathered in the common room of their family suite in the castle.

"I did something wrong," said Hollie to Nick.

"Was it a wedding?" he asked, and she nodded her head. "Don't tell me until next Wednesday."

"That will be over a week," she looked at her father then smiled. By Lancre law a witch must report all weddings performed to the king in one week or the wedding is nullified. Problem solved... until Annette finds out.

"We will be staying here," said Nick as Annette and Marlon joined them. "We'll head back to Creel springs for personal items and to clear our head, but now this castle is our home." He hugged Exavier and Gwendolyn, the two youngest children and ultimately the most playful, "please be gentle when you play, a lot of people died, and their families are in mourning."

"What do we do?" asked Llywellyn.

"We go help clean up," said Nick. "And if anyone tells you that you are royalty and that you don't have to do this, you tell them 'yes I do, I need to.'"

"Why?" demanded Hollie.

"Hollie, you're a witch, you should recognize pure headology," scolded her father. "This will help us all accept that it's over, that we can get on with our lives."

As they trooped out of the common room, Octavia said, "Wait a second you two," and she grabbed Pavel and Gwendolyn by the shoulders. "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"I don't know," gasped Pavel, "I'm not supposed to be here, am I." It wasn't a question; it was a statement of fact.

"He's going to ask me to marry him some day," said Gwendolyn. Then she turned to Pavel and said, "Don't worry, it won't be for a long time." Pavel gave her an odd look and she whispered, "When you ask me, I'll say yes."

"Come here Pavel," said Octavia, and she pulled the boy close to her and felt the confusion and sorrow of being lost and all alone in the world. She felt the horror of watching the building burn knowing that his parents were inside dying in agony. She did what she could to belay his anxiety, a touch of magic here and there in his psyche to lighten the burden, then she said, "You two go help the others," and Gwendolyn and Pavel went out to help with their grim task.

Octavia watched as the youngsters headed off to their duties then she closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment, then reached out for a doorknob that was not there, grasped it and turned it, then opened the door that was not there and stepped through to Death's domain.

She strolled up the gray walk through the gray garden with the deep black roses up to the large gray house where an old, wizen man stood at the doorway but unlike death's domain, this old man was in living color. His color signified that he was real, the rest of the domain was a construction of Death who is colorblind. "Ooo are you milady?" He was obviously expecting someone else, and not a curvaceous woman with waist length black silky hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"I have come for Death," she said. Was this old man Alberto Malich? Time had mentioned that he was hiding from her. Alberto disappeared from time and the Anthropomorphic Personification of Time believed that he was acting as Death's servant.

"An' ooo do you think you are?"

"Is death here?" asked Octavia, "if not I'll come back later."

"'e's 'ear, the question is, 'ow did you get 'ear?

Octavia shrugged, "I performed the Rite of AshkEnte backwards. How else would someone get here without an invitation?" {The Rite of AshkEnte is a ceremony that summons death. By performing it backwards you are drawn toward death}

Alberto shrugged, "I thought that would keep death away."

"That would work if you performed the ceremony backwards in Ancient Klatchian."

Alberto looked shocked. His jaw dropped and he almost dropped his poorly rolled cigarette. "You figured that out yourself?"

Octavia shrugged and smiled. "I wrote a dissertation on it at the Unseen University."

"My University is allowing wimmin into the student body?" Alberto shrieked in shock. The Unseen University is the foremost college of wizarding, and wizarding was for men only!

Just then Death appeared in the doorway behind Alberto. "AHH, DAUGHTER, YOU JUST CAUGHT ME HEADING OUT."

"Were you heading out to collect Pavel Novik?"

"YES, HOW DID YOU KNOW?" Death reached into his shroud for Pavel's life timer and discovered it wasn't there. He started searching through his shroud and patting his pockets like a commuter who could not locate his car keys. "PLEASE, COME WITH ME." Death led her into his house, and it was a great victory of will when Octavia passed Alberto, one of the greatest wizards in history, founder of the Unseen University, and didn't stick her tongue out at him.

Death led Octavia into the house and into the room filled with life timers in shelving that reaches to the ceiling. The sand slipping through the neck of the life timers was almost silent, but when hundreds of thousands of almost silents are added together they create a roar. Death located Pavel Novick's hourglass sitting where he plucked it from the shelf just minutes before. The top bulb was filled with sand indicating the moments that remained in his life. This timer showed that the lad was now going to live to a ripe old age. "Can I see his book?" asked Octavia.

"Follow me," and Death led her into another room where books filled shelves and the sound of pen dragging across paper filled the air. Death found the book and opened it, the words appearing on the page showed Pavel and Gwendolyn tearfully cleaning blood from the floor in a castle corridor.

... and as they scrubbed, other people joined them, most were from Lancre Town and come to see what had happened and were moved to pitch in. "This is my boyfriend Pavel," said Gwendolyn. "He's from Überwald and his parents died in the fighting in Creel Springs. I think they are heroes."

Pavel found himself surrounded by people that he never met who piled comfort on him with hugs and promises of a place to live. That's when Pavel realized that his desire to kill himself was fading. He was surrounded by people who felt the same way...

Octavia looked back a few pages and it described Pavel's desire to commit suicide and join his parents in the afterlife. Then suddenly the words were crossed out and the script said:

Without warning, Gwendolyn climbed up onto the wall next to Pavel and sat with him, staring at the ashes that an occasional breeze lifted into the air.

Finally, the eight-year-old Gwendolyn said, "Come with me."

"Why?" asked Pavel.

"I think I'm a princess now, you have to obey me."

"And what if I don't?" said the ten-year-old orphan.

"You don't get that choice, now come on."

"I BELIEVE YOU NEED TO HAVE WORDS WITH YOUR DAUGHTER," said Death.

"I believe that you're right."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

King Verence III sat in front of his court waiting patiently for the exchequer's report to get down to the bottom line. The court has changed over the years, there are now three women on the court, Octavia was still court wizard, but now Magrat Garlick is part of the court as the Lord of Education, and Eryri was a member as Lord of Mining and Mineral resources. For the very first time in ages a non-royal was on the king's court, Mr. Jean-Baptiste Favreau representing Spatz Mountain was elected Prime Minister, and Lord Harcourt finally retired from the position of exchequer and was replaced by Lolar Hampton the Duke of Warwickshire.

Lolar's report was quite optimistic, financially the kingdom was in solid financial status and cash rich. Being a child of the slums turned farmer, Nick wanted to put the excess money into a jar and bury it, or some other form of savings account, but government doesn't work like that. "Thank you for your report Lord Hampton."

"It's just first time delving into the books but so far everything looks good."

"If your research comes up with something new, please let me know right away." Nick didn't think that the previous exchequer, Lord Harcourt was cheating or incompetent, but he was quite old and becoming forgetful. "I would love to invest in Lake A'Tuin, start renovating the fishing cabins and add picnic areas." Lake A'Tuin is a huge hit with the large cities; people were flocking to the beauty of Lake A'Tuin once the word got out. Turning to Magrat he said, "Lady Garlick, do you have anything for us?"

Magrat Garlick was feeling incredibly happy after her initial shock of becoming house mother to 8 children. She's up to 24 children now and she can't believe how happy she is to have the honor to guide them scholastically. "We are doing splendidly; the nature walks on Bear Mountain led by Princess Ivers were a huge hit. All the girls in your college want to become witches and Cholly wants to be a lumberjack now."

The king laughed at Cholly's new passion. For a year after coming to Lancre Cholly was silent, but now he's blooming into an intelligent, joy-filled little boy who reads as passionately as he sings. It was a common sight to see the king and little Cholly walking through the palace, Cholly telling Nick excitedly about what he had learned that day.

As for Hollie's trainees, her mother told her a few years ago she would have several girls to train to be witches, and Hollie was worried that they would all be seven years old. Only one turned out to be seven, the rest were younger. "How is your assistant doing?" asked Nick.

"He's doing well," Magrat practically glowed. It was clear that Magrat was finding love again after losing her husband so horribly.

"We are truly happy for you," said Nick, "for you and your assistant."

"Point of order," said Jean-Baptiste Favreau.

A whispered voice came from below his chair that told Nick, "He wants to humiliate Maggy and Ivo." The voice was that of his clairvoyant dog Juju. He's told Juju that the law clearly states that people aren't allowed to read the minds of fellow members of the court. Juju responded with "I'm not a people and I'm not a member of the court." That was good enough for Nick.

Nick groaned silently. Mr. Favreau was a self-righteous populist jerk. "What would that be, Mister Favreau," asked Nick.

"It's a matter of appearances, sir, it's that..."

"Sire!" said Earl Buckminster Hargrave, the Lord of National Security. "You address the king as sire, or your majesty."

Favreau scoffed, "Sire? he came from the sewers of Ankh-Morpork, and you expect me to call him Sire?"

"Not just expect but demand you give the office of Royal Sovereign the respect that the office demands and is required by law."

"There is no law that requires me to..." Mr. Favreau was interrupted when Duke Hampton took a book off the shelf, opened it to a page that described royal protocol. Mr. Favreau read it for a minute then said, "this is completely unfair!"

Suddenly a loud crack was heard, and all looked at Nick who just slammed the tabletop with a gavel. "Mister Favreau, you called a point of order, then you proceeded to disrespect the throne and waste Our time. You have thirty seconds to state your business."

"I was trying to state my business before being interrupted by these people here..." and went on to give a long description of the argument he had over royal protocol and at some point Nick tapped the table quietly with the gavel.

"Thirty-two days your majesty?" asked the guard who put Mr. Favreau in an armlock hold.

"Yes, thank you sergeant."

As the guard dragged a squirming Favreau out of the room he recited, "Mister Favreau you have been found guilty of wasting the king's time in violation of section four, article one of the Standard Code..."

Nick looked around the table and every expression he saw was delighted. Favreau was an annoying windbag, and he interrupts meetings constantly, and he got sick of it. He felt Octavia's words slip into his mind and she silently said, "I love it when you king like that. It makes me moist."

However, Magrat looked worried, she was sure that Favreau was going to bring up her relationship with Ivo Stein as 'unseemingly.' "Your majesty," said Nick addressing Magrat, "I'm sure everyone in the room has a good idea what he was going to say, and he lost his nerve at the last minute."

"I shouldn't be selfish," said Magrat, "I'll tell Ivo..."

"Maggy stop," demanded Nick. "I don't issue demands very often..." Nick tried to ignore Marlon's stifled laugh and continued, "Here's my demand... go live your life, love whomever you want, go have some fun. You've earned it."

Magrat looked surprised, "I... I don't know what to say."

"You don't owe me an explanation, let's talk afterwards." Nick reached out and patted her hand. "Now give me your report or you're going to be sitting in the cell next to Mister Favreau."

Clearing her throat and wiping her eyes, Magrat picked up a handwritten page and began. "In honor of the royal double wedding, the children have prepared a song for the brides and grooms if that is ok with the families."

"You know it is," said Nick. "What do you have on our village education initiative?"

Magrat was on firmer ground with that. Nick wanted to extend educational opportunities for people in the outlying villages like Mad Stoat and Wellbottom, and he tasked Magrat and her staff to come up with ideas. When she was finished with her preliminary report Nick thanked her and said, "Marquis Wynn, would it be possible to get a nice table for two at your gasthaus this evening at about six?"

"Not a problem at all, your Majesty," said Marquis Vernon Wynn, the lead lord in the house of lords.

"This isn't for me; this is for our Maggy."

"Ahh, a true V.I.P.!" Vernon took Maggie's hand in his and patted it, "it shall be my honor to serve you myself." His remarks caused the former queen to blush.

"Does anyone have anything they would like to bring up before we recess?"

"Yes!" said Eryri, as she cuddled her infant daughter. "A gift for the witch who so marvelously married us and delivered our babies." She reached down inside the bag she carried and withdrew a box and sat it in front of Nick who happens to be a witch and will deliver the babies of friends. He is the only witch in Lancre to deliver a Dwarves child. "Open it," she said.

Nick opened the box and inside were two cubes, six inches on each side, one sat on top of the other and rotated slowly. "An axle?" Nick gasped. He looked up at Eryri who nodded. "Oh, my gods!" gasped Nick. "Thank you! Where did you find it?"

"Deep under bear mountain, we found three," said Eryri. "One is powering Bear Mountain, one is powering Copperhead Mountain, and this one is powering whatever you want."

All of the members of the court gathered around and looked, one cube sat on the conference table, the other cube sat on top of it and rotated slowly. Magically driven, nothing has been discovered that will stop the rotation, it is not just a sample of perpetual motion, it's an exception to the universal rule that there is no free lunch. Dwarves set the axle to turn a wheel that turns a shaft and everything in the mine is run off that single shaft, from ventilation fans and water pumps to ore conveyors and hoist elevators. Nick looked at the rotating box, they could do so much good with this one device.

<><><><><>

Nick's father, Ivo Stein timidly approached his former wife Catrin Stein as she sat in the castle's meditation garden and watched Princess Esme introduce Catrin's great grandchildren to the fairies that lived in the garden. "May oi talk for a moment?" he asked softly.

Catrin's friend, roommate, and love, Jutta Aldana glared at Ivo, but Catrin said, "Please Jutta, let us have a few moments." Jutta got up and walked across the path far enough away to not hear what was said, but close enough to intervene if needed. Ivo sat next to Catrin, and she said, "What do you want to say?"

"You know oi made enough of a mess of our lives, oi just..." Ivo was sitting at the edge of the bench ready to dash away.

"I'm not going to bite you," said Catrin. She was beginning to worry about what he was going to say.

"Oi just want to do something right for someone before oi die," he said.

"That's a noble goal," she was beginning to wonder if she should call Jutta over.

"Oi'm going to take Maggy out to dinner and Oi want to do it right, but oi don't know how."

A thousand emotions crossed Catrin's face, then she softened. "Well, you've become a very nice person and Maggie sees something in you that she likes. I've seen you talking at work and in the cafeteria, just converse with her like that. If there's candlelight, try to ignore it."

"That's all we had when oi was mining was candlelight. Oi didn't find it romantic at all," said Ivo.

Catrin almost laughed when he said that. "Are you still mad at Pommy?"

"Oi was only mad at him for a short while," said Ivo. "Then working in that mine on Copperhead Mountain worked that Skim out of my system and oi actually enjoyed the work. It was... wosname... cathartic is wot it was."

"You look happy in this job."

"Wot, and all them little boys and girls lookin' up to me an' callin' me grandpa an' all? Nah, Oi hates it."

That gave Catrin a good laugh, she knows he loves those children. "Ivo Stein, I think you finally grew up. Go show Maggy what fun is all about."

"Oi think I will, thank ya darlin." Ivo rose and started to walk away but he stopped and turned around. "If you ever find it in your soul to forgive me, please don't tell me."

"Why not?"

"So oi never stop trying to treat you proper an' such." Then he whispered softly, "Oi am so sorry you met me first, before Lady Jutta." With that he shuffled out of the garden, nodding politely to Jutta as he passed.

Jutta sat down next to Catrin and said, "What happened?"

"I think Ivo grew up."

Jutta suddenly felt the blood draining from her head, she was dizzy and weak. "Please don't tell me..."

"Stop!" Catrin said softly. "You're my love, I'm not shopping for a replacement."

<><><><><>

The Gasthaus was an Überwald style inn with restaurant and bar. With Lancre now sharing a border with Überwald, the Überwald cuisine and ambiance was becoming more popular. A carriage from the castle dropped off a couple, a pair in their seventies who walked in and were whisked to their table by the owner of the Gasthaus, Marquis Vernon Wynn. Who was that? Word soon got out, it was the former queen and the father of the king.

"Beer? Wine? Something stronger?" asked Marquis Wynn as he seated them at the VIP table.

"No alcohol for me," said Ivo. "I've had enough for a lifetime."

Magrat smiled, for years she never drank but as the pressures of royal life got on her she started with wine, then after the boys died she stepped up to a miracle elixir called gin. When Verence died she realized she was all alone with Esme, she couldn't afford to get drunk. "Same here. We'll have a bottle of sparkling cider."

"Very good, your majesty."

"Marquis Wynn, please, tonight it's just Maggie."

"Very good... Maggie, and for you, please call me Vern."

"He knows you?" asked Ivo.

"I was queen for a very long time. I was well known in Lancre Town. I represented the king to the people; he didn't like coming out in public, so I did it and I got to know Marquis Wynn and his wife. You know her, you help her feed our children."

"His wife is Ruzanna?"

Maggy looked amused at his reaction. "Yes, she was penalized for disobeying a royal order and was ordered to run the cafeteria. She fell in love with the children and never left our college. Vern is on the king's court, he sat next to me at the meeting today.

Their drinks arrived, a bottle of sparkling cider that looked exactly like a bottle of champagne came in a bucket of ice and Vern opened the bottle for them with a practiced flourish and poured. In the champagne flute it looked like champagne too, but Ivo could taste no alcohol in it at all. "is the drink suitable? We also have a fine grape cider and cherry cider," said Vern.

"It's incredible," said Ivo who for the first time actually cared what his drink tasted like.

Vern handed them the menus and said, "Your personal waiter will take your orders when you are ready." There were only a few options on the menu and there was no prices listed. "I don't know if I can afford this." Ivo knew exactly how much money he had in his pocket and now he was sure that it wouldn't cover the bottle of cider.

"Don't worry," said the waiter who looked strangely familiar. "The meal is compliments of a wizard named Façade Incognito."

Maggy began laughing and said, "Thank you Aidan."

"Maggy, you are beautiful when you laugh, but what is so funny? And how did you know our waiter?" asked a confused Ivo.

"Façade Incognito is a name your daughter-in-law used before she and Pommy married, and that waiter is our carriage driver and guard from the palace.

"This certainly is a different life," said Ivo, as their glasses clinked together.

They had a marvelous dinner featuring schnitzel and pickled cabbage, and they told stories and laughed the night away. She was profoundly moved when he admitted his horror when he sobered up and realized what he did to his family. "The pain of that realization was more intense than the pain of Skim withdrawals," said Ivo. "That request for execution was not a ploy, I could not live with myself already, and the added hatred of my son was too much to bear."

"And that's what I admire most about you Ivo, you faced your demons and won. You're a brave, strong man." She reached out and ran a finger up his cheek, he looked so much like his son, but his hair was silver and thinning. She leaned over and kissed him, his first kiss in so long, he gasped and tightened up, then relaxed as their tongues sought each other's out. When they broke the kiss Maggy said, "If you want to run away, I wouldn't blame you but Ivo Stein, I believe I have fallen for you."

"I feel the same way about you, Maggy. Oi believes that you are the first woman oi have ever truly loved." He pulled Magrat down for another kiss, this one hotter yet more loving.

"Ivo," she said softly, "I'm so damned tired of being alone..."

<><><><><>

It was a pre-wedding party of sorts going on in Llywella's small apartment in the castle, her sisters were there along with several friends, Grandma Jutta and Catrin were there and so was Octavia and Ning. The guys were in Nick's study down on the ground floor near the throne room celebrating not only the upcoming nuptials but the election of the new Mayor of Creel Springs. The farrier that had been acting as Duke of Gwenders, Bart Ellington, was elected in the first mayoral election in a thousand years of Creel Springs history and he came to the castle to report his victory and got swept up in the pre-wedding excitement.

There was a lot of squealing and laughter coming from the girl's room and at some point Gwendolyn got up and walked to the door and opened it and standing there were Magrat Garlick and Ivo Stein who were getting ready to knock on the door. "Could we speak with Hollie?"

"Holleeeeee!" called Gwendolyn like she did when she was a child.

The very pregnant Hollie came to the door and Magrat drew her outside into the dim hallway with Ivo. Before they could say anything, Hollie felt the baby inside her roll and wriggle. "The little one thinks it's a good idea, where would you like to do it?"

"You know why we're here?" asked Ivo.

"Grandpa, it's like you're wearing a sign around your neck. We could do it in the hallway here or we could go out on the patio. It's a nice night tonight."

"I would like the patio, the fresh air and the stars," said Magrat who spent many years out on the balcony. Hollie led them through her parents' apartment out on to the balcony and arranged them so they could look out over Lancre Town. Above them the stars were especially intense, shining brightly through the cloudless summer sky, below them the lights of Lancre Town glowed. It was late so most buildings were dark so the glow from the town was subdued.

"Grandpa do you really want to be here? Is this what you want?" asked Hollie.

"I truly do, I believe that Maggy and I were meant to be, I love loving her."

The baby in Hollie wriggled again. She put her hand on her stomach and said, "Nichole liked that answer. Queen Magrat, you know my grandpa's history, is this something that you want to do? Do you trust him?"

"Your grandfather and I have been working together for years, we know each other, and I trust him completely."

"Then let's join hands," They joined hands and Hollie found no familial relationship that would block a marriage. "Here's your very last chance. If you are uncertain or are being forced to be here, this is your last time to step back and say, 'let's think this over.'" But neither Ivo nor Magrat chose to leave.

"I am so happy you found each other," said Hollie with a sigh, "may your marriage be long and happy. Grandpa Ivo, Grandma Maggy, go ahead and kiss."

After a sweet kiss they turned to Hollie to thank her, but Hollie did an abbreviated curtsey and said, "Your majesty, I would like to announce that I performed a marriage between Ivo Stein and Magrat Garlick."

Startled, Maggy and Ivo turned and looked behind them and there in the moonlight was their entire family, and in front of the group stood Nick and Octavia. Nick merely smiled and said, "It's going to be busy on Wednesday, isn't it?" Nick was of course referring to the presentation ceremony where couples presented themselves to the king and their marriage was entered into the official roles. The king strolled forward and happily shook Ivo's hand, then pulled him in for a tight hug. "I'm so happy for you dad."

Ivo was terrified that Nick was going to threaten him or warn him to treat Magrat properly. "No lecture?" he said sheepishly.

"I think you realize how much Maggie means to all of us. She's good for you, and you are what she needs."

"A project to work on?" asked Ivo.

"Exactly." Nick grinned and patted Ivo on the back, "I'm happy for you pop, now go make this a success." He handed Ivo a key to the Tower of Inclination, the top floor of that tower is the personal love suite for the king and queen of Lancre and their consort. "That's an order from your king."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

The next day was the royal double wedding, and the twins were able to move the wedding to Wednesday morning so they could get the wedding and the reception by the king all done at the same time. The weddings were held in the Meditation Garden where Princess Llywella was to marry her guard, Captain Rizeko Pants, the hero of Black Wednesday, and Prince Llywellyn was to marry his long-time girlfriend, Marti Crookshank, herself a junior member of the Watch.

As the guests found their place in the garden, Princess Esme came up to Nick and Octavia and said, "Mom didn't come home last night."

Octavia gulped, didn't Magrat let Esme know what was happening? "Esme, your mother... she eloped. Do you know what that means?" Esme rolled her eyes up and thought. Twenty years ago she could have described eloping in four different languages, now she's lucky to recognize the word, and today she wasn't lucky. "It means that she and a man that she truly, truly loves got married in secret." When Esme looked suddenly concerned Octavia said, "Don't worry, she'll be back this afternoon."

"No, I hope Ivo doesn't get mad," said Esme.

"I don't think he'll get angry, he's the man she married."

Esme's eyes sprung open wide and she clapped her hands in excitement. "Ivo is my dad now?"

"Yes, and know what else? Ivo is Nick's dad, which makes you my auntie!"

With a squeal of childish joy Esme captured Octavia in a rib crushing hug that had the entire gathering laughing. Finally, Hollie stood at the clearing in front of the waterfalls, both of her hands on her tummy, her contractions were close, little princess Nichole Ivers would be born today, hopefully after the weddings and not during.

Now the private ceremony started, only the participants and their immediate families were present. Besides the royal family there was Marti's parents and her sister, and Reziko's father Sam was present. Nick's closest friend Trei was present also because he was nearly a grandfather to the twins.

Hollie gestured toward the back and Reziko and Llywellyn came up the aisle side by side, both in uniform, Reziko in the blue-on-blue uniform of the Lancre Watch, resplendent in ribbons and medals he was awarded in his six years of service to the crown. Llywellyn was wearing the sky-blue trousers, silver waist coat and red jacket and tails of the royal family. When they reached Hollie they were followed by Llywella and Marti. The girls wore similar white gowns and had their hair styled the same way, rather than doing their hair up like many brides, they wore their hair down in curls, Loo-Loo's hair was jet black like the rest of her family, and Marti's flame red locks matched that of her mother.

"Why are they doing it all together like this?" whispered Trei Metsker, Nick's oldest friend.

"Twins," said Nick with a shrug. "Go figure."

Trei nodded. He's known each of Nick and Octavia's children since birth and he's never seen a pair of twins that were as close a team as Lou and Loo-Loo. Finally, Loo-Loo and Reziko joined hands and Marti and Lou joined hands. In a witch's wedding there's no "Fellow Beloved..." in fact there's no addressing the observers at all, a witch's wedding was made for the bride and groom only.

Hollie asked each bride and groom if they truly wanted to get married, and only when each one answered yes, then Hollie said, "Let's try it again, no laughing!" which of course caused the couples to laugh along with their families. Everyone joined hands and Hollie closed her eyes in concentration. She could feel the immediate relationship between Lou and Loo-Loo which kind of crowded Reziko and Marti out but by concentrating she could sense that Marti and Reziko were not related to anyone in the group.

Loo-Loo's eyes shot open, "I can feel the baby!" she gasped.

"She can feel you too," said Hollie with a smile.

"That's the baby?" gasped Marti and her eyes softened. "Aww!" Lou knew that look, she gets it every time she sees a puppy, or a kitten, or a minimoth calf {a miniature mammoth about the size of a beagle, they're great house pets but they're tough on the garden} "I want one too," she sighed.

"Ok final test. If anyone has second thoughts let them be heard now. And you may want to know, by marrying a child of the Enchantress, you will be enchanted, so there's a plus to having to dress up this morning. Anyone? Then turn to your fiancé and give them a kiss and tell them how much you love them."

As the two couples kissed and murmured to each other Hollie bowed her head to her father and tried to curtsey, "On this day I have married Marti Crookshank to Llywellyn Worblehat Stein and Llywella Worblehat-Stein to Reziko Pants."

"Thank you baby," said Nick. He rose from his throne and hugged Hollie gently and gave her a kiss. "Go sit down before you fall down."

"Yes daddy," said Hollie, shocked to see tears flowing from her father's eyes. Mark came up behind her with a wheelchair, their son Pommy helping his dad push the wheelchair, then father and son wheeled their witch away to a bedroom that should soon see a newborn join the tiny Ivers family.

The royal witch, Matilda Potts, was staying in the castle with her husband and four children because there were two princesses expecting and Nick was not going to take any chances. The king was a witch of course, but he retired from that {mostly} like Queen Magrat retired from being a witch {mostly} when she married King Verence II.

Everyone retired to the main dining hall where a breakfast buffet was laid out for everyone. Scrambled eggs, sausages, biscuits, "farm gravy," eggy bread, and "pam cakes" were laid out and everyone got a chance to eat. Trei Metsker joined in with grandmothers Catrin and Jutta to tell tales of the twins in their youth which kept Marti's parents and sister laughing so hard they couldn't eat.

"The first time we ever saw the twins was on Hogswatch morning when they were barely six months' old," said Jutta as Catrin nodded. "We had just found our Pommy and Carina and were just learning about them when Carina said, 'I have a Hogswatch surprise for you mom.' Then she and Pommy came downstairs with all these children!"

"Mum and dad would play rock paper scissors and the loser had to change Loo-Loo," said Catrin.

"She pooped every morning!" said Nick in their defense as Llywella blushed furiously.

"We had no idea that they were royalty, we thought they were just successful farmers," continued Catrin. "We were looking for the Duke of Wægn and had no idea that he was my own son!"

Ivo and Maggy had joined them, he had a similar situation but instead of taking him into his home, Nick threw Ivo into prison, so Ivo remained silent. "Tell us how you met the twin's dad," said Octavia.

Ivo could never deny Octavia anything when she called him dad so he sucked up his pride and said, "Oi will not hide the fact that I made a mess of my life and the life of everyone I cared about with drugs, but the good Duke of Wægn saw fit to dry me out and straighten me up. When he became king oi was working in the prison laundry, it woz only the second steady job oi ever had and the twins thought oi was too skinny, so they kept sneaking food down to me. They had no idea oi was related to them, they woz doing it out of the sweetness of their hearts. They woz the first to call me grandpa when I graduated from recovery." He looked at his new wife and she was looking at him with such love in her heart. "Wot?" he asked.

"It was so brave of you to say that" she sighed. Then she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "do we have time to..." and laid out a plan that made last night's frenzied love making sound like innocent kissing.

"Darlin!" he said with a surprised grin.

"Dad taught me one of the most important lessons about being a queen," said Octavia. "How to forgive."

"It is a lesson I hope that I learned nearly as well," said the king. "To prince Ivo," and he raised his coffee cup to Ivo causing the old man to blush more than his bride just did.

<><><><><>

At eleven the throne room was filled with family and royal watchers. A rumor went out that this was a big day for the King, maybe one of his children was getting married! The throne room was soon packed with gawkers along with friends that truly knew what was going on. When the appointed hour came, Harold Lorchestershire Jr. banged the butt of his stanchion three times into the rock floor calling for silence, then he called out, "ALL RISE! King Verence the Third of Lancre, Queen Octavia of Lancre, and Ambassador Chung Hau Ning of the Agatean Empire!"

Arm in arm the three lovers walked up the aisle with Nick in the middle. There never seemed to be any shock that Ning was the royal consort, there was never any shock over the fact that she was publicly acknowledged to be the king and queens lover and advisor. The people of Lancre saw it as a fringe benefit that goes with being a king.

Once they were seated, Harold called out, "Your majesty! Presenting Captain Reziko Pants and his wife Princess Llywella!"

Reziko and Loo-Loo walked up the aisle slowly, walking arm-in-arm and members of the audience gasped, so beautiful! So handsome! The hero of Black Wednesday takes a princess to be his bride! They stopped at the triple throne of Nick, Octavia, and Ning. {Ning has no say in the government of Lancre, but the people love her and are happy to see the tiny beauty on the throne with Nick and Octavia and they tend to worry if she's alright when she's not there.}

"Your hair looks beautiful like that," said Nick to his daughter, she usually wears it in braids. He rose and stepped up to her and gave her a kiss. He shook Reziko's hand and said, "You've been part of this family for five years, I'm just happy to see it legal now."

"We actually waited si... dad."

"It's ok, Rezzi, and now you are Prince Reziko," said Nick with a smile. This was his favorite part of his children's weddings, proclaiming the new member of the family with a royal title.

Whatever Reziko said in reply was lost in Ning's squeal of delight as she threw her arms around her fellow Agatean. Even though Reziko and his father Sam were raised in Lancre they maintained the Agatean customs and Ning was overjoyed that Reziko was married to her stepdaughter. "I'm not all alone anymore! We can have proper food for dinner now!" she cried.

Like she did with the twin's older sister Hollie and her husband Mark, and with the crown prince Marlon and his wife Annette (and Annette's parents Annabelle and Preston) Octavia placed her hands on their shoulders and gave them a little kiss along with a magical nudge, an enchantment binding their love together.

When Nick, Octavia, and Ning returned to their thrones, Harold the herald banged his stanchion three times and called again, "Your majesty! Presenting Prince Llywellyn Worblehat-Stein and his wife Sergeant Marti Crookshank."

As the happy couple walked up the aisle the crowd gasped, both twins married! And they both married cops! The royal watchers were ecstatic that they were part of this royal surprise, yet speculation ran rampant, and conspiracies abounded, why cops? Were they forced to marry their guard? Would no other royal family take their prince and princess? The royal watchers overlooked the simple fact that the royal children were constantly guarded, so who else would they meet and fall in love with? Also overlooked was the fact that neither Nick nor Octavia believed in arranged royal marriages. Ning believed in them but in Agatea the emperor would have one arranged wife and he would marry several others for love or lust.

Again, Nick congratulated the couple, he kissed Marti and proclaimed her the "Flame Haired Princess" before Octavia gave them the tiny bit of enchantment that she gave all her family.

The audience of royal watchers were delirious with joy, two royal weddings and they were here to see it! Then Harold banged his stanchion three more times. "Your majesties, the father of the king, Mister Ivo Stein and his wife, Queen Magrat!" Gasps filled the throne room as Ivo and Maggy walked the aisle. The entire audience rose to see the poor widow queen walking up the aisle with a huge blissful smile of love on her face, and her diminutive silver-haired husband barely able to conceal his happiness. Only then did the word pass through the audience, their queen married the kings father! Is that legal?

"Mom," said Nick as he kissed Maggie's cheek, then he kissed Ivo's cheek and said "Dad... we can't have mere mortals marrying our royal women, you shall now be known throughout the land as Prince Ivo Stein."

"Oi! Me a bloody prince?"

"It takes some getting used to," said Maggie with a laugh and she kissed her husband. They accepted their enchantment from their daughter Octavia with a smile and turned to face the audience who was on their feet applauding joyfully. It was so good to see Queen Magrat smile again! Gods save the man who put that smile on her face!

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Standing on the balcony with Octavia and Ning, Nick watched the sunset as they enjoyed a glass of wine and some relaxation after a long day. The kids were off on their royal honeymoons, loaded down with copper pennies they were on a tour of the Agatean Empire, a week in the Forbidden City with side trips (via L-Space) to the beaches in XXXX and to Tsort to see the pyramids. Ivo and Maggie planned to retreat to the top of the Tower of Inclination again to spend a few days enjoying room service, a sauna, and indoor plumbing.

"Are you ok daddy?" asked Ning who saw Nick wiping away tears. "Giving away children only invites grandchildren."

"Maggie and Ivo looked so happy," said Nick, ignoring Ning's question. "Did you give them a little tickle?"

Octavia sighed and said, "yes, but I didn't need to, they are so much in love, the kind of love that lasts. They reminded me of us."

"You and me or you and me and Ning, or you and Ning?" asked Nick.

"All of our iterations. Each one of us needed the other's love and none of us were shy about sharing it."

"What the..." muttered Nick and he turned and looked toward Lancre Town. A thick black column of smoke started climbing into the early evening sky, at the base of the column of smoke roiling orange flames grew up into the column and threatened to spread.

"What is that?" gasped Ning.

"I think a building is burning," said Octavia.

"I'll go take a look," said Nick and he became a Lancre Eagle and took off with a flap of his wings.

Octavia and Ning sprang to their feet and watched Nick climb, but his figure began to sputter, he wasn't an eagle, he was something between human and eagle, then he began to fall. Ning screamed and Octavia was so shocked she couldn't bring her powers to bear. Nick was the one who could apply his powers in an emergency without thinking, Octavia normally could too, but this time the horror was too much, she froze in terror as she watched her husband plunge to his death. He tried over and over to change to something different, a bird or a bat, but every time he reverted back to human and he plunged to his doom...

"NO!" cried Gwendolyn who had just stepped out onto the patio. "NOOOOOOOO!"

There was a quick flash that only Gwendolyn and Octavia noticed and...

"What the..." muttered Nick and he got up and looked toward Lancre Town. A thick black column of smoke started climbing into the sky, at the base of the column of smoke roiling orange flames grew up into the column and threatened to spread.

"What is that?" gasped Ning.

"I think a building is burning," said Octavia.

"I'll go take a look," said Nick and he became a Lancre Eagle and took off with a flap of his wings.

Octavia and Ning sprang to their feet and watched Nick climb, but his figure began to sputter, he wasn't an eagle, he was something between human and eagle, then he began to fall. Ning screamed and Gwendolyn stepped out onto the patio and screamed, "MOM! CATCH HIM!"

Startled into action, Octavia reached out with her mind and caught the plummeting king. She eased him down the hundred feet and laid him gently on the lawn. The three women dashed down the maze of staircases and sprinted out the portcullis with several security guards following. Nick lay on the lawn, his entire body aching, something happened... something grabbed him and ripped him back into his human body against his will and the conversion left him in a ball of pain. It was like every muscle was cramping, he felt like he was kicked in the gut and punched in the head. Matilda Potts, the Royal Witch was on the scene quickly and found Nick's heartbeat erratic and his respiration shallow and congested, he was wheezing horribly with each breath.

A couple of guards helped lift the king onto a toboggan that Octavia levitated, and they guided Nick back into the castle. As they returned to the castle, Gwendolyn kept saying over and over, "I'm sorry daddy, I know I promised, but I had to... I had to..."

He was taken to a ground level bedroom where he was placed in bed. He was in agony, every muscle and bone in his body ached from the cruel and forced transition from eagle back to human. To ease his suffering Matilda gave him Azoth which put him into a deep sleep. {Azoth is the miracle medicine that alchemists have claimed could cure almost anything from broken bones to the common cold. All Azoth could do was put the sufferer into a deep sleep and let the true cure for most ills take over.}

<><><><><>

Nick woke up to find that he was hovering over his body, his spirit looked around and saw Octavia, Ning, Hollie and Gwendolyn in the room with him along with Matilda Potts. Outside in the hallway he noticed that Pavel Novik and Mark Ivers were standing in the hallway along with Nick's guard Various Ogg, waiting for some word from inside the room. Nick looked and an Agatean woman, or at least a woman that looked Agatean appeared at his side and said, "It's ok, your majesty. I am here to heal you."

"Who are you?" whispered Nick's spirit.

"I heal all wounds, your majesty," said the woman as she floated next to him, her black and red dress billowing softly in the unfelt breeze.

"It is said that you leave a scar," he said weakly. He recognized her appearance from Octavia's description.

"Everything leaves a scar on you humans, be they on your skin or on your psyche," whispered the anthropomorphic personification of Time. "It's all part of the learning process."

"Princess did it again, didn't she," groaned Nick. He had discovered that Gwendolyn could create a time bubble and pause time, or even move backwards in time. Unsure of what that would do he made her promise to stop.

"When she does it, she saves lives so I really can't complain. Death may have an argument with her... first she saved Pavel which really freaked Death out, then Mark which worried him, then Juju which I think he doesn't know about, now you."

"You don't mind when she does it?" asked the spirit of the groggy king.

"I don't mind," Time shrugged.

"Oh," said Nick suddenly embarrassed. "I asked her to stop, we didn't want to anger you."

"It doesn't bother me, I don't understand it, but she's able to do it without a huge amount of magic which is surprising. Usually trying to confuse me is dangerous and takes a lot of magic, like deep L-Space..." Time paused and thought for a moment then realized what had happened sixteen years ago. "I taught her..." she gasped. "Did I teach him too?"

"Huh?"

"Go to sleep, I work best when you're asleep."

"No... something is wrong..." Nick fought back hard against sleep, but the Azoth kept pulling him back under.

"Yes, you were poisoned, and your body was pulled through a clothes wringer, go to sleep so I can work...

"Something is wrong," gasped Nick's spirit but he lost the fight against exhaustion and azoth and Nick's spirit returned to his sleeping body and healing resumed.

<><><><><>

Sixteen Years Ago...

Octavia sat down on a bench in the castle's meditation garden with the newborn Gwendolyn in her arms and Queen Magrat at her side. The baby was tiny, not even a month old yet, and she was hungry so as Octavia sat on the bench, she uncovered a breast, and began to feed the last baby she would carry. Magrat sat with her on the bench, little Exavier on her knee taking everything in while the baby sleepily nursed as the stream gurgled past. Nearby the twins were trying to get fairies and butterflies to land on their fingers. It was so peaceful...

At some point the baby stopped nursing and started looking around, the gurgling of the brook stopped, the giggling of the twins stopped. Octavia looked around nervously but as she was about to stand up, a woman walked around the corner with an "I know who you are!" kind of smile. She was tall and slim with straight jet-black hair, and she was very pretty, her almond shaped brown eyes made her look like she was from Agatea.

"You're here, do you like it?" asked the woman. She was wearing a form clinging black and red dress and when she walked her hips swung from side to side like a metronome.

"The garden? I made it about ten years ago to relax the queen and king," said Octavia.

"And you're seeing what it looks like now that I've touched it."

"I'm sorry," said Octavia, do I know you?"

"Yes, but we've never spoken before, you might say that I wait for no man."

"You're an anthropomorphic personification." Octavia wasn't asking or guessing, there's something about an anthropomorphic personification that screams "I'm real!" but whispers "I only look like this because you want to see me."

"Yes, you live in my domain, you have travelled through it quite regularly, and you've even taught your husband to do it, but he's not as skilled."

Then Octavia realized who it was and suddenly she was afraid. "Time?"

"Yes! You guessed! How delightful! You're the first to do it."

"You're here to collect a debt that I ran up... right?" asked Octavia, her mouth running dry.

"NO! Don't be silly. Now Alberto Malich, that guy owes me!"

"Who?"

Time created a bench in front of Octavia and sat down. "A wizard, what else?" sighed Time. "He was supposed to die in the year..." Time rolled her eyes up in thought, "On your calendar that would be the year of the Checkered Zebra (forty-two)."

The current year was The Year of the Concurrent Nematode (2017). "Why does he owe you? Me, I bounce around in time, but I don't owe you?" Octavia constantly slipped back and forth in time to get everything done on time. She did her time traveling using L-Space to move forward and backward in time as she used it to move through space.

The theory behind L-Space is simple, yet it is often overlooked by mundane users of libraries. The theory states that in large quantities books warp space and time around them. The principle of L-Space revolves around the universal law that 'Knowledge is Power'. Books contain knowledge, therefore:

BOOKS = KNOWLEDGE and KNOWLEDGE = POWER therefore BOOKS = POWER

Power is best described in the following equation:

POWER = (FORCE X DISTANCE ÷ TIME)

The power generated by large quantities of magical and mundane books create portals into L-Space that can be accessed using innate powers of Librarianship that are taught by the Librarians of Time and Space to those deemed worthy across the multiverse. Nearly everyone who uses L-Space uses it to move through space, hopping from one library to another, the truly wise also use it to move through Time also making the Buffalo Bills' surprise upset victory in the Super Bowl the most watched NFL game in history.

Time answered Octavia's question, "You don't owe me because when you travel through time, you don't stop your aging. If you had twenty-five years left to live, and you had jumped back twenty-five years you would die today because you haven't stepped out of the time stream, you've waded around in it some, but Alberto has stepped outside of time. Occasionally he comes back into the time stream and the seconds tick off, but he lives at Death's house where there is no time."

"So how long do I have left?" asked Octavia.

"That's the problem... Come. Walk with me." Time leaned forward and looked at the baby who was looking at her. Time sees a lot of babies, but she doesn't get the chance to pay attention to them. She reached out and caressed the cheeks of the wide-awake Gwendolyn, and her frozen brother Exavier, "so beautiful!" Time whispered, heartbroken for the one hundred millionth time that she mourned that she would never feel a baby in her womb. "They look like their mommy." At that moment, something happened, some knowledge transferred from someone who only exists as a concept in people's minds, to two little people who only exist in this plane of reality.

Gwendolyn looked at Time with those huge, bright brown month old eyes, and understood... so did her brother.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

"I'm sorry daddy," wept Gwendolyn. "I couldn't let you die..." Gwendolyn was kneeling next to Nick's bed and clutching his arm.

"Gwen, did you do something?" asked Octavia.

"I reset time," mumbled Gwendolyn.

"What do you mean, baby?" Octavia took her youngest in her arms and held her tight and Gwendolyn shuddered as she wept.

"I reset time... I stepped out on the patio and daddy was falling and you were in shock... you couldn't move... he was going to die! So I backed up time a minute and ran as fast as I could and I got to the patio just as he started to fall, and I yelled at you to catch him."

"Have you..." then Octavia noticed that they were the only things moving in the room. Ning was caught in mid whimper, Matilda was leaning over Nick, the hearing trumpet pressed against her ear and his chest. Then an old acquaintance appeared in the room, a tall, slim Agatean woman, she's got the long ebony black hair and the almond shaped brown eyes of Ning, she had an aurora round her of reality, but it was obvious that she was an anthropomorphic personification of a concept, and this concept is time.

"Lady Time, why do you..."

"You," said Time pointing at Gwendolyn, "we don't have much time... how do you do it without magic?"

"I don't know, it's just... something I see is bad... I see a better way to do it and the idea comes in my head that I can make it start over."

"Gwen, what are you talking about?" asked Octavia. It was hard to keep her voice from shaking, she was shocked that her daughter could see Time and was 'conscious' in this time bubble around Time.

"I'm afraid that it's my fault," said Time. "I think I touched her when she was an infant. Come with me little one..." and Time took Gwendolyn's hand and they both disappeared.

Reality returned to Nick's room, and it appeared to Hollie and Ning that Gwendolyn disappeared. "Wha... what happened?" sputtered Hollie.

Octavia was an emotional wreck. "I don't know, Time took Gwen with her when she left."

Hearing the commotion and cries of shock, Various Ogg stepped into the room to find Octavia and Ning in tears, Hollie in labor, and Matilda Potts trying to care for both the king and Princess Hollie. Hollie's husband Mark dashed to Hollie's side and Hollie suddenly wanted their two-year-old son. "Where's Pommy?" she asked.

"He's with Uncle Exie and Grandma Catrin."

"Go get him, his sister is on the way." Like the rural women of Lancre, Hollie believed that childbirth is a family event, and it saves on uncomfortable talks involving birds and bees in the future.

Rather than leaving his wife Mark said, "Pavel, can you get Pommy for us?"

"Yes sir," Pavel was studying to join the Lancre Watch, so he responded to all Watch constables as Sir or Ma'am. Still wondering what happened to his fiancée of eight years, Gwendolyn, Pavel headed over to the meditation garden, if they weren't there, they'd be in the Royal Mother's apartment nearby. When he got there the garden was empty, but the fairies were in panic and hiding. The ones that glowed were glowing red, never a good sign unless it's Hogswatch Eve. {On Hogswatch Eve it's tradition to set out honey comb for the fairies which acts as alcohol in their system. In the end you get a fluttering "mosh pit" of drunk fairies who glow red to show they are still in the game.} "Star Blossom?" called Pavel. A flicker of red light in a ficus tree gave her location away. Pavel walked over to the ficus tree and said, "What's the matter Star Blossom?"

With a whir of wings a tiny naked woman with fluttering wings flew down out of the tree, she was brunette which identified her as a male fairy but there were no other attributes that Pavel had ever seen so when a brunette fairy tells him "I'm a boy!" Pavel tends to believe her... him... whatever. "Bad people! They hid in the garden, grabbed Exie, and took him away."

"Exie is supposed to be with the grandmas," said Pavel, but Star Blossom shook her head sadly. "Well, you're the king of the fairies, I suppose..."

"Queen!" interrupted Star Blossom.

"I'm sorry. What did these people look like?"

"They looked mean, and angry."

"Do they work in the castle?"

Star Blossom thought, "Nnyes,"

"Nnnyes?"

"One does, but he looks different when he's angry."

Pavel understood, Fairies see emotions as part of your persona. If you're normally happy that's you, then if they see you crying, they think the crying person isn't you. "Ok, does he come in the garden?"

"Every day!"

"Ok, if you see one of those people again, would you know it was the one who took Exie?" Star Blossom nodded her head affirmatively, so Pavel said, "let me know right away and I'll ask the queen to set out a honeycomb for you."

Star Blossom snapped a sharp salute and Pavel hurried to Jutta and Catrin's apartment. They lived right next to Magrat and Esme and now Ivo. Pavel knocked on the door. Jutta Aldana, Octavia's mother opened the door and Pavel said, "It is almost time and Hollie is asking for Pommy."

"He's playing with Juju and Moxie, so you'll have to take them all," and Jutta pointed out a two-year-old boy with his slightly older cousin, the pale blond Catrin. They were sitting in the corner with a children's book, a small wire-haired dog sat between them "reading" the story to them. {Juju can't read, but he's got a vivid imagination, and he makes up his own story as Pommy turns the pages.} A minimoth sat on Pommy's lap, her trunk pointing to the words that Juju was ignoring.

"Is Prince Exie here?"

"Exavier? He hasn't arrived yet," said Catrin. "We have been waiting for him to take Pommy with him... Pavel? Are you ok?"

All the blood drained from Pavel's face as he realized that Star Blossom was right. "Don't go anywhere," he said, and he dashed up a floor to Queen Magrat's apartment. Maybe Exie was talking to his grandfather Ivo. When Esme answered the door Pavel asked, "Is Prince Exie here?"

"No," said Ivo. "He said he wanted to talk after the wedding, but I haven't seen him since this morning... in fact I don't remember seeing him after the King's Presentation."

"Is he missing?" asked Magrat.

"I think he's been..." but he couldn't bring himself to say it, and where is Gwyn? "I think he was taken," he finally said.

"Don't panic," said Magrat, and she placed a hand on Pavel's shuddering shoulder. "Go to the security office and tell them that I called for a recall. Tell them 'No more, no less.' Tell them that exactly and let them follow their protocol. If they don't have something for a trainee, you come back here and stay with us."

"Yes ma'am."

Pavel sprinted down to the security office which was now set up across the aisle from the Clacks office and dashed in. A bored looking sergeant who clearly did not want a perspective novice in his sight groaned, "What is it cobber?"

Out of breath Pavel panted, "Queen Magrat called for a recall."

The sergeant dropped his comic book. "Did she say why?"

"She told me to go to the security office and tell them that she called for a recall and said to say no more or no less."

"No more... No less..." SHIT! He swore silently. No more/no less was the security code for possible abduction. "Do you have a duty station assigned to you yet?"

"No sir, the queen asked me to return if you have nothing for me."

The sergeant scribbled something on a scrap of paper and said, "Take this to the clacks office and ask them to send it, then get back and stay with the queen. You are now her runner."

Pavel took the scrap of paper to the clacks office and the secretary suddenly swallowed his gum. "Aye, right away your majesty."

"I'm not royalty," said Pavel.

"Princess Gwendolyn may disagree sire." The message went out on clacks, to all Lancre watch offices All Lancre principalities, and a courtesy copy to Überwald, the message said, "Recall, NMNL, Lancre Castle is in lockdown. Please be ready to send assistance."

Pavel was heading back to the Queen's apartment when the bells started ringing and doors started slamming closed.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Prince Marlon Worblehat-Stein, Duke of Wægn was relaxing, reading a book while his wife, Princess Annette sat in a rocking chair next to him. With little Catrin spending the night with her grandma and great grandmas the house was quiet. Warm breezes wafted through an open window and ruffled a curtain, cooling the house after an unusually warm, busy day.

Without warning, the Duke of Lancre, Preston Prescott, chief of security for the entire kingdom and Annette's father, entered the house. It wasn't unusual for him to stroll in at odd hours, but it is unusual for him to do it in uniform. "Your majesty," started Preston. His use of the honorific told Marlon that his visit was all business. And he said 'Your Majesty' rather than 'Your Grace' referring to Marlon's title as Crown Prince instead of Marlon's title of Duke of Wægn.

"Is there a problem dad?" asked Marlon as he put a bookmark in the book.

"Unknown," said Preston. "Queen Magrat has initiated a recall. I have a carriage waiting."

Marlon helped his pregnant wife to her feet and said, "I'll gather our clothing."

"There's no time," said Preston.

"I need my uniform... just in case." He dashed into the bedroom and got his dress jacket, pants and waist coat and called out the window to his head grounds keeper, "Carl! Saddle up Trixie for me please."

"Aye sir."

Marlon returned to the front of the house in time to place his uniform and a few comfortable shifts for Annette in the back of the carriage then said, "Head on out, I'll catch up." Preston had his doubts but before he could cross the street to the Watch House, Marlon had caught up to them riding a dappled gray mare.

"He's not going to leave Trixie behind," said Annette. Preston looked at the horse and it looked a lot like the mare that Nick and Octavia had when he first met the royal couple, decades ago. The moment Marlon saw this horse he fell in love with it, and he probably paid too much money for it, but it was a beautiful three-year-old mare that looked like the Trixie of his youth, and she was as fast as lightning. The minute she first saw it Annette knew she had a rival for Marlon's affections.

Annabelle and Annette's brother Nathan emerged from the watch house and hopped into the carriage. As they boarded, Marlon urged his horse out to the middle of main street and he looked up and down the darkened street, then closed in on the carriage.

"Constable, there's a man sitting on the bench in front of the bookstore watching us, please see what he's up to."

"Yes your majesty," said young Constable Hawkins and he started up the street alone. A request from the crown prince is equal to an order from the commander.

"Go catch up with the lad, will you sergeant?" asked Marlon as they headed for the tunnel.

"Yes, your majesty," and a constable ran off after Hawkins.

They headed for the tunnel and were almost under the mountain when the sound of a constable's bell began ringing, then they heard a constable's whistle joining the racket. Marlon wheeled Trixie around and dashed off to the sound of the whistle. "Your Grace!" shouted Preston. When his son-in-law dashed off, he muttered, "Damn it."

"You're not going to call him back," said Annette. "He's as bad as his father." Ever since Black Wednesday, the day of the Three Battles when Marlon became the duke, both Marlon and Nick had been aggressively protective of their people and cops.

Marlon and Trixie galloped to the bookstore, and he pulled her to a quick halt. Constable Hawkins was on the ground; the sergeant was holding Hawkin's gut with bloody hands. He spit out his whistle and said, "He's on horseback heading widdershins on the main road."

"Toss me your truncheon," said Preston and the sergeant tossed up his truncheon, a club shaped, leather wrapped wad of lead shot perfect for getting your point across to someone who doesn't want to listen. It was now covered in Constable Hawkins' blood. Anger boiled in the prince as he wheeled his mare and dug in his heels. "Fly Trixie, FLY!" and he spurred Trixie to a gallop. "Hyah! Ha! Go girl GO!" Ever since he bought Trixie, Marlon bragged that she was the fastest horse in the county, and now was her chance to prove it.

Ahead in the darkness a horse and rider ran, but the horse was far inferior to Trixie and in a matter of minutes Marlon was right behind him. "Stop in the name of the king!" the young duke shouted. The rider reined back slowing the horse and he slashed at Marlon with his knife.

"Damn you gutter rats!" shouted the man who turned to slash at Marlon a second time.

Gutter rats? Marlon was raised on a farm; they have rats, but they don't have gutters. The confusion over the bandit's stupid accusation didn't delay him from striking with the truncheon, breaking the man's wrist causing him to drop his knife. He fell back off his horse and groveled for his knife. 'It's a shame Lou isn't here,' thought Marlon. 'That kid loves a good fight.' Marlon swung off the saddle, his foot landing on the knife preventing the bandit from picking it up.

"Kneel with your hands behind you," demanded Marlon. The bandit realized that he would never get that blade, but it didn't stop him from trying. Marlon hit him with the truncheon again, this time dislocating a shoulder. "KNEEL!" ordered Marlon.

"Too afraid to fight without a weapon?" the bandit snarled and tried to get up.

"This weapon just saved your fucking life," snarled Marlon and he put his foot in the middle of the man's chest and shoved him back on the ground as three mounted Lancre Watch constables approached. One hopped off his horse and put handcuffs on the prisoner.

"You are under arrest for the murder of Constable Hawkins," said Sergeant Custer.

Glaring at the bound criminal Marlon snarled, "Sergeant, this fellow needs to have a word with Mister Morose before he hangs. Take him to Lancre Castle."

"I'll not hang from a gutter rat's noose!"

"What the hell is this moron talking about?" asked Marlon.

"Spatz Mountain separatists, your grace. They're not happy that they lost the war that they started," said Sergeant Custer who "accidentally" kicked the prisoner.

"You were there with us, weren't you?" asked Marlon as he swung up on to Trixie's saddle.

"Aye, your grace. And a glorious day it was!" grinned the sergeant. He was a new recruit when he saw the King of Lancre and the Duke of Wægn swoop down in the bodies of huge golden dragons and clear a path into the Tackle Creek mansion where the Duke of Spatz Mountain was hiding.

"We need that man to arrive at the castle alive and conscious," said Marlon as he handed the truncheon back to the sergeant. "Please keep accidents to a minimum," and he turned Trixie back to Creel Springs at a trot. Cops hate cop killers and Marlon wasn't sure that this bandit was safe from almost-life-threatening "accidents" as he was being transported to Mr. Morose's office. He caught up with his family as they entered the castle and as soon as they passed under the portcullis the gate guard lowered the portcullis and closed the main gate, sealing Nick's family inside the castle.

Grandma Jutta ran up to Marlon as he entered the castle and said, "it's so horrible! You have to come with!"

"Grandma, what's going on?" as they entered the Meditation Garden he noticed that the fairies were mostly glowing red which was never a good sign.

Grandpa Ivo came up to Marlon and said, "Oi am sorry for all the trouble, but Maggie said we should recall the family."

"What is going on Grandpa?"

"Your majesty, your sister is in labor roit now, and having a bad time of it, your father was injured, and they have him asleep. A spirit your mother called Time took Gwendolyn with her and we can't find Exie."

"What about Mom?"

Ivo looked scared. "Your mother, your majesty... the queen..." Ivo stopped and just shook his head slowly and began shaking.

Marlon put his hands on Ivo's shoulders and said softly, "She's your daughter, Ivo, and she loves you, and I love you. We are all so proud of you, how you cleaned yourself up and found true love. I'm proud you joined our family. Now tell me, we can deal with it, you and I. What is mom doing?"

"She's frozen, she won't leave your father but she wants to go to Hollie, but she wants to go find Exie, but she wants to go get Gwendolyn, but she won't leave your father..."

"Ok, take me to her, she'll listen to me."

"Oi don't know, she's acting very strange," said Ivo.

"She has to listen to me, I'm the king." Ivo gave Marlon a strange look, but Marlon said, "When dad is under the weather, the throne is mine. It's kind of like how I learned farming." Ivo was almost chuckling as he led Marlon through the castle and to the apartment just one floor down from where he, Maggy, and Esme live. When Marlon walked in the bedroom where his father lay, Octavia looked at Marlon like she didn't know him at first. Then recognizing her first baby she jumped up and threw her arms around her boy who held her tight and whispered, "I'll give you five minutes to get it out of your system then we have to go to work.

"I'll try," gasped his mother.

"No, don't just try, do it. You're the enchantress, the most powerful magical being on the discworld. Your family and your kingdom needs you to do that miracle stuff that you're capable of."

"You're right, I'm sorry... I just hope Lou and Loo-Loo are safe," whispered Octavia.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

On a beach on the lost continent, called the Land Way Over, or Ecksas, or most properly Four Ecks, a newlywed couple walked hand in hand along the beach in the fading sunlight. He was slim, medium build and Agatean, dark hair, golden tan skin, almond shaped dark eyes, while she was shorter with silky black hair tied back in a ponytail, milk white skin, and a voluptuous figure that was hidden under a silky sundress. Loo-Loo was getting tired of waiting for Reziko to act, she desperately wanted him to throw her down and fuck her cross-eyed but he's such a gentleman! How does she get her point across? She wanted him so bad her hands were shaking. "Hold on," she said, and she slipped off the sun dress. Now she walked along with him naked, her round breasts bobbing with every step. The feel of the warm ocean breeze caressing every inch of her skin was so intoxicating in its sensuality. Her nipples crinkled hard and her juices were starting to seep out of her nether lips.

"Why did you do that?" he asked softly.

"You're taking too long," she whispered, then quickly dropped to her knees and pulled down his shorts. His rock-hard cock sprung free and slapped against his stomach. Finally! The cock that she's been aching to see, she kissed it and realized that she's going to be kissing this cock for the rest of her life. There was something comforting in knowing that. It almost felt like she just had a severed limb reattached. She pushed his cock against his stomach and was going to give it a long, loving lick, from balls to the head but the moment her tongue touched his balls she became fascinated with them.

She licked and fondled, one hand gently caressing his balls, the other hand holding his throbbing cock out of her way. They were fascinating, she tasted the ocean salt and her husband, and they were interesting. A dangling sack that contained two balls and the sack would contract or expand as needed. She remembered the talk she had with her mother last night. She thought she was going to be telling her mother, "I know all that mom!" But Octavia was frank and open and said things that Llywella didn't expect to hear. "He may complain at times, but your man will always love your attention."

"Yes mother..." Loo-Loo rolled her eyes.

"He likes to be touched like you do, his nipples are especially sensitive."

"Why do men even have nipples?" Loo-Loo asked, a bit shocked that her mom would say that.

"To give you a way to get him excited, especially after he had a hard day. He's not just a walking cock, there's other parts. He will fight at first, but he really will enjoy a finger slid into his asshole at the right time."

"MOTHER! THAT'S AWEFUL..." then she had to know. "When is the right time?"

"It's best when you are sucking his cock."

"MOTHER!!! ... really?"

"Yes, you may like it too if you haven't been trying anal sex like your brother and Marti." Loo-Loo was too shocked to interrupt. She couldn't imagine her mother talking like a real sexual being. "Nothing on your body was made for him, everything is for you and your babies, but he has a body part made just for you."

"His dick?"

"No, he has a use for that too. His balls. They only exist to give you babies. And he will love it when you pay attention to them."

Still shocked that her mother is talking like... a female, Loo-Loo asked, "like what?"

"They are reflections of his ego, as long as you're gentle there's nothing wrong you can do, but you can seriously hurt him by being rough there. Remember Mark?"

Poor Mark! He was kicked violently in the balls on Black Wednesday, it took him months to recover. But here on the sand beach of XXXX Loo-Loo worried that she might hurt Rezzi when she began licking his balls, and he sighed in response to her gentle touches. The skin of his balls was so soft! She felt him shuddering as she licked his balls over and over and glancing up at him, he looked absolutely shocked at what his sweet little princess was doing. She changed tactics and began running her tongue up and down his cock. Finally taking the head of his cock in her mouth she looked up again and this time he looked like he was getting ready to throw her down on the sand and ravish her.

Good. Bring it on.

What he did do was grasp her head and began to fuck her mouth. It was delicious for the young security guard, his life was so full of discipline and pain, to have this sweet lover able to make him feel so delicious, so excited, so hot. She pulled her mouth off his cock with a sucking pop and he groaned with the sensation. "Rezzi, darling, I know you're not sure, but trust me, you can't hurt me, not with your dick." She lay back on the sand in the fading light, so beautiful, so fragile looking. She held her arms open, and her knees fell apart. "Now Rezzi, I can't wait any more..."

He slowly took off his shirt and Loo-Loo realized that he was going to try to be a gentleman as much as he could with her. Loo-Loo was writhing with her need, but Rezzi was now taking off his shorts and sandals so slowly. "Please darling," she gasped.

He set his clothing aside and climbed between her legs and started to kiss his way up her legs with gentle loving kisses. She yelped and whimpered with each kiss as he got closer and closer to her glistening pearl. Her fluids were covering her, and her hands began to itch.

She squealed with pleasure as his mouth closed over her pussy and began to lick and suck. His tongue darted in and out between her pedals, then flickered over her clit, back and forth, driving her out of her mind with pleasure. She gasped and squealed; her fingers tangled in his hair as the first real orgasm of her life crept up on her. Her hands slapped down to the sand and her fingers dug into the sand as the pressures inside of her grew.

Suddenly everything exploded, wave after wave of blissful release crashed over her. Her fingers never gave her anything like this! She cried out Reziko's name as his cock entered her. Her eyes popped open wide in delight and a bit of pain as his cock stretched her open. She grabbed his back and pulled him close. "Fuck me Rezzi, please, I've waited so long.

He began to fuck her solidly, first gently but as she urged him on his thrusts grew firmer and stronger. She shrieked and cried as her husband fucked her harder and faster, and soon she was cumming again. "Cum with me Rezzi!" she shrieked as she was lost to the sensuous tsunami that crashed over her. She was totally lost to the explosion of relief that coursed through her body.

She barely heard Reziko's roar as he came in her, pumping his seed into her womb, his entire body trembling with the overwhelming sensation this beautiful woman caused in him. With a gasp he collapsed to the sand next to her. She snuggled up close and their eyes met and for some reason they started laughing. "That was so incredible!" she gasped. "Where did you learn that?"

"Same place you did."

"You talked to my mother?"

He nodded. "I grew up without a mother or grandmother. Your mother gave me a long talk about what you would like." Just then they heard Marti's shrieks of pleasure from further up the beach. "I think she talked to Lou also.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

"It's ok, two of your babies got married today, your mentor got married to your father-in-law, and someone tries to kill your husband. It's a lot to soak up."

"You're right," said Octavia. She took several deep breaths, and slowly calmed down. As she did, Marlon noticed Juju curled up at the foot of Nick's bed.

"How is dad doing?" he asked the dog.

"He's resting," said Juju. "He's needed to do this since before I was born."

Marlon sighed, he was here, but there didn't seem to be anything for him to do. "Ok, let's prioritize. We can't do anything with dad except let him rest. It looks like Ning has that covered." At the sound of her name Ning looked up from Nick for a moment. "You say that Gwen is with Time?"

"The anthropomorphic personification of Time. Kind of like when we see Death, but Time stays hidden, I don't know what draws her out. I met her once when Gwen was a baby," said Octavia, "and then she was here tonight and asked Gwen how she does something without magic, and when Gwen said, 'I don't know,' she disappeared and took Gwen with her."

"Then there's not much we can do about that," frowned Marlon. "That leaves Hollie and Exie..."

"What were you talking about when you first came in?" asked the queen.

"The Watch lost a constable tonight," he said sadly. "Some Spatz Mountain separatist was watching my house and when the constable went to question him, he stabbed the kid."

"Spatz Mountain?" asked Octavia. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, he called me a gutter rat, I guess that's what they call nice people." He thought for a moment then said, "The day Annette and I got married Ruben Peck was nasty to Loo-Loo. He wouldn't talk to her because she was a gutter rat spawn."

It was like Octavia woke up from a bad dream, they had problems with the prime minister, and he represents Spatz Mountain. Ruben Peck was the mayor of Lancre Town, but he resigned after an argument with the king and returned to his original home in Spatz Mountain. Octavia refused to believe in coincidences, "Marlon, go up to my apartment and get Virga," said Octavia. There was a force in her voice that had been missing for the past twelve hours. "Ivo and Juju, I have a job for you."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Gwendolyn looked around and saw that she was in a building that appeared to be made of glass. She wandered around and kept bumping into glass walls. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I need to see how you can stop time without a huge expenditure in magic," came Time's voice.

"I don't stop time I just..." Gwendolyn stumbled for the words to adequately describe what she does. "I just try it all again."

"Can you do it now?" asked Time.

"I can't feel time here, it's like time doesn't exist here so there's nothing to retry."

Time finally appeared to Gwendolyn and said, "let's try this..." and Gwendolyn found herself in the middle of a desert. There were terrifying beasts hopping around the desert. They were tall and could have been cute, long ears, huge hind legs that they walked on, pink noses... they appeared to be seven-foot-tall rabbits except when they opened their mouth and showed their huge fangs. They were the terrifying Four Ecksian Dingaroos. As she watched them approach her, she heard a semi-familiar bellow and looking back over her shoulder she saw a huge golden Agatean dragon flying toward her, and it was clutching a backless couch to its chest.

The dragon spread its wings wide open and glided low passing over the Dingaroo troop and with a flick of its tail it knocked four of them over, three will never get up, the rest scattered in terror. "Was that mom and dad?" she asked with a huge grin.

"And with Marlon, he's about a week old."

"That was so incredible to see," said Gwendolyn with a smile.

"Do it over and make your dad miss."

"Ok..." and there was a sudden flash, and the dragon was swooping down from the sky, his tail swung down to hit the dingaroos. Gwendolyn suddenly ran out and waved her hands around and the dragon pulled up to avoid her, but it swung around and came in from the side because the Dingaroos turned on Gwendolyn. In a single pass the dragon killed six dingaroos and then turned toward Bugarup.

"I can only change what I do, I can't make someone else do something different, but they will react to me and react to my new actions and maybe do something differently. Like dad with those dingaroos. He hates them, he's probably happy that I distracted them so he could kill twice as many."

"Ah," said Time with a nod, and suddenly they were back at Time's glass house. "I think you are ready."

"Ready for what?" asked Gwendolyn.

Suddenly three empty cloaks appeared in the room and turned toward Gwendolyn. Try as she might she saw nothing inside of their hoods. "Them," said Time.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

In the depths of the castle's basement the most valuable possessions of the Kingdom of Lancre are stored, original copies of signed treaties, rare books once thought lost, a dwarven axle which is the only known example of perpetual motion on the discworld and this axle is waiting for the engineers to finish putting the pullies and flywheels together for the axle to power. There's a large collection of Philosophers Stones, flying carpets of all sizes {from three feet by five feet all the way up to wall-to-wall flying carpet} magical crystal bowling balls {they allow you to foresee the score of next week's league tournament} and Magic Batons {similar to the mythical magic wands but these only work when twirled by young ladies wearing sequins and short skirts} Most importantly, this is where the political prisoners are kept. Political prisoners in Lancre are not people that are imprisoned for their political beliefs but are corrupt politicians.

"If my grandson were here, you'd be singing a different tune!" shouted Ivo as the skeletal guard shoved him in a cell. "Son of a bitch!" shrieked Ivo as the guard, Stan, locked him in a cell. "Oi rue the day oi met his mum!" then he sat down and grumbled. "Put a crown on the buggers head and he forgets who his own dad is." Then he was silent for a long time.

"You wouldn't be talking about our dictator, would you?"

"Oi don't know 'hoo you mean, guvnah," said Ivo without getting up from his bunk.

"Our king that claims to be a witch, Mister Pomeroy Stein."

"Aye, 'e seems to forget what family means, the bahstad. So wot if I been nippinn at the cookin sherry? Wot business of it is 'is?"

"He threw you in prison for drinking?"

"Aye. He seems to think that he is my father, so when he catches me oi tells him what he can do with his crown an he throws me in here."

"The bastard," muttered the unseen prisoner.

"Oi just had a few nips was all," muttered Ivo. "It's not like I was plottin' to overthrow the crown. Crowns are wosname... sacrosanct an' all. Am I right?" He's not even from ear, ee's from the same gutter oi been raised in. Ya know?"

"I hear that he was a gutter snipe in Ankh-Morpork."

"Aye, he woz," said Ivo. "He woz the worst of 'em. He run away from home when he was a lil' shaver, it's wot drove a wedge between me and the missus. Next thing I knew... he woz runnin' the shades, a proper mob boss he was, leadin' gangs an such. Got to be I woz afraid to walk the streets at night I woz. Then he hooked up with that Corina Aldana bint."

"Who?" Now the unseen prisoner in the cell across from Ivo was interested. All good stories have a sleezy woman.

"She woz a ginch wot snuck unto the Unseen University until she wuz runnin' late for class and didn't bind her norks proper an' her baps made their presence known, if ya know wut oi mean."

"NO!"

"So she rightly gets thrown out for bein' a woman and all. Then she hooks up with the nearest gang leader, changes her name to Octavia, and they head off lookin' for a small kingdom they could con. They got thrown out of Four Ecks, then they got tossed out of Pseudopolis, and ended up in Creel Springs and just took over. Before anyone knew who they were he was appointed Duke of Wægn."

"Why would the king do that?"

"Oi don't know," said Ivo. "Maybe he was in on it. Or maybe they had something on him. Oi hears from the dwarves there's tons of gold under Bear Mountain. You ain't never heard our new king bein' worried about money."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

"I'll be back darling," said Octavia as she kissed Nick's forehead. "I'm going to check on the children." He was warm, running a fever, and he was starting to turn purple. Matilda Potts said he was going to have a whole-body bruise, she said he was pulled through a clothes wringer as he was pulled back into his body.

She kissed the shuddering Ning and said, "I'll be back, keep a good eye on our man, ok sweetheart?"

"I want..." Ning's eyes were filling with tears as she fought back the anger.

"You want to bring your bodyguard over here to help, don't you," asked Octavia. Ning nodded her head and Octavia kissed her again, "we can do this, we don't need to wake them up, but they can come over for the Mole Shouters Day Parade, ok?"

Ning nodded her head and smiled. The bodyguard she was considering was 1,000 Agatean knights. Swordsmen, javelin throwers, sling throwers, and crossbow shooters. There's not a city or maybe even country outside of Ankh-Morpork that could stand up to the Agatean Emperor's bodyguard. Ning and her son Jia, the emperor of the Agatean Empire, need to keep their bodyguard away from Ankh-Morpork. They both knew Ankh-Morpork, and if they let their men get anywhere close to that city they would no longer have a bodyguard, but Ankh-Morpork would have 500 brand new Agatean restaurants.

"What do you want me to do mom?" asked Marlon.

"Just wait for Juju, when we hear what your father's dog has to say, then we'll know. Go encourage your sister, I'm going to look for Exie." And she waved her hand over herself and her dress changed to the dark red of her wizard's robe. "Let's go Virga."

"Yes mistress," and her walking stick walked over to her. She grasped the stick which also acts as her wizard's staff and as Nick's scepter of office and headed out to the courtyard. Mounting Virga side saddle like a witch mounts a broom, she silently flew off into the night. She climbed and flew over Breeders Peak and headed straight for Bear Mountain as fast as she dared fly. The top of Bear Mountain was bare, henceforth the name. {Until recently, spelling was not a required skill for cartographers or Lancre politicians}

She was part of the cause for the reason why there is no plant life on top of Bear Mountain, when firing an energy bolt from there, the top of the mountain is surrounded by a ball of angry magic which burned every bit of plant life down to the roots. It's her fault because Bear Mountain is her fortress, her private sourcerers tower. The mountain is saturated in magic, ancient beings knew it, dwarves, elves and trolls made Bear Mountain their home. The elves left and left their magical redoubts behind, giving Octavia and her children a place to relax that Nick made accessible via L-Space.

At the very top of the mountain was a four-foot-tall circle of stone, this is Octavia's tower. It's been a while since she's been up here, she's just barely explored what she could do with this mountain, she instead chose to raise children, which in retrospect was the wise choice. Mountains don't eventually reward you with grandchildren.

She sat on the circular stone wall, drinking in the magical power. There is so much power up here that Nick can't get close to the wall. The closest he has been to the wall was about fifty feet, that was a couple of months ago when he, Ning, and Octavia went hiking, but he, Ning, and Juju climbed back down, the power was too much for them. Octavia soaks it up like a pasture soaks up a gentle rain. Now she climbed inside of the ring and placed the butt of Virga into one of many holes in the stone floor inside the ring and the ring of stone began to rise into the air. Like a telescope extending, she rose slowly into the sky, her hand clasped around Virga.

The top of Virga was a softball sized knot of wood... or possibly a gourd. But then it opened revealing to the world that it was an eye. The white of the eye was pure white, possibly marble, or maybe white agate, possibly moonstone, some guessed that the eye was based on a huge, flawless pearl. It was nearly impossible to tell, the eye defied study. The pupil was probably blue lapis lazuli, and the iris was most likely pure black diamond. This was the fabled and long-lost treasure of the dwarves, the Eye of Knute. Only two dwarves know of its existence on Octavia's staff, and they've been sworn to silence.

Right now, Virga was looking for Exavier, Nick and Octavia's youngest son. It searched the capitol city of Lancre Town first, and Octavia could see in her mind everything that the Eye of Knute looked at. Using the mountain and Octavia's unlimited powers Virga began looking into every building, garage, doghouse, out house and hen house, and Exavier was nowhere to be found in Lancre Town. She began searching through Creel Springs and there she got her first hit. Wherever he stepped glowed brilliant blue to Octavia's sight, his fingerprints were bright orange. {discrete colors only she can see and only with Virga's help. She assigned them to her children years ago so she could trace where they wandered off to, or who was in the cookie jar last.} She could tell that Exie touched ground in Creel Springs, but his footprints started and stopped quickly behind the hardware store, he was probably taken off one wagon and put on another.

Now she began a wide area search for Exavier and got another hint... footsteps in Thrash in the rail yards... were they taking him to Ankh-Morpork? The wall rose higher into the sky, and she looked along the rail lines, there's only one train heading toward Ankh-Morpork, and he's not on that one, but... the rail line from Thrash continues turnwise to Überwald. She looked along the rail line and found nothing. Then she remembered Nick's railroad, the Copperhead and Bear Mountain Line. She looked along the C&BML tracks and there! She found a big hit - he was taken off the train about a couple of miles from Tackle Creek... the capital village of the Barony of Spatz Mountain.

She searched the Tackle Creek area and she found him; he was in a barn not far from where he got off the train. He was up in the hay loft tied up, and there was a girl talking to him, she appeared to be bringing him something to eat. It looked like they were enjoying each other's company, and they were growing closer as they talked. Suddenly there was a flash that only she noticed... maybe Exie noticed it too because he was no longer tied up and he and the girl were in the hay kissing.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Finella Thorndyke brought the prisoner tea and a sandwich like her father told her to. Her dad, Reverand Ravenwood Thorndyke arrived about an hour ago with this young man and he said that the young man had sinned against the Turtle, which depending on the type of sin could call for death. "Finella, take the sinner some tea and something to eat. We don't want the needs of the flesh to contribute to his sins."

"Yes father," said Finella realizing that the boy was as much of as slave as she. Maybe less, because if they kill him then he is free of this nightmare. She put some water on to boil then she sliced some mutton from last night's dinner and placed it on bread with mint jelly spread on the bread. Once the tea was ready, she put it in a tea pot, placed it along with a mug and the sandwich on a tray and carried it out to the barn. Finella had light brown hair down to her shoulder blades, hazel eyes, and a slim figure. She was tall, taller than most boys her age and they avoided her. Her father said that was a good thing. She was the only one in the family that was tall, both of her parents were a bit short, the only tall person she knew was Deacon Unger who like her was tall and slim with hazel eyes. He led the congregation in hymns of praise while Finella's mother, Tessa Thorndyke played the organ. Tessa never treated Finella like a daughter, more like an unwanted houseguest. The only person she seemed to like was Deacon Unger. The deacon and her mom played well together.

When Finella climbed up into the hay loft in the barn, she found the sinner tied up and sitting in the hay. She suddenly stopped, he was handsome and very charming. He had thick black hair that looked silky smooth, and she wanted to run her fingers through it... she wanted to touch more of him... for the first time in her life she wanted to run her fingers all over a man. "Hi," he said calmly. "My name is Exavier, what is yours?"

"Finella," she said shyly. "I don't think I'm supposed to be talking to you."

"I'm just a guy, I don't even know why I'm here."

"My dad, the Reverand Ravenwood Thorndyke, said you sinned against the turtle, and we're holding you for judgement," said Finella as she set the tray down on a tool chest.

"Oh, I was worried it would be something serious. I'm sure he has me confused with some other person named Exavier," Exie gave her a smile that his sisters told him was "devastating."

Finella looked at the young man, he was gorgeous! Dark silky hair, beautiful brown eyes, and a smile that made her wonder if he wouldn't mind her sitting in his lap. His voice was deeper than most of the guys she knew, and he was dressed so fancily, like he was attending a grand ball or something. "I never had to do this before..." she said, a bit confused as to what she should be doing.

"If you untie me, I won't run away," said Exie. For his part he drank in the sight of her too. Here he was kidnapped, tied to a post in a hayloft, and all he could think about was the prettiest girl he had ever met, and she didn't have that stuck up my-shit-don't-stink attitude pretty girls have. His sisters would hate her, she was tall and slim, her figure was trim, and his curvaceous sisters are jealous of women like this. Her hair was medium brown and fell past her shoulders in waves, and her breasts were small, noticeable but barely half a handful. A delightful change from the "boob monsters" that dominate his family.

"I don't think I should do that. I brought tea and a sandwich." And after a little trial and error she became very good at holding the tea mug so he could drink, and she held the sandwich so he could bite it.

As he ate, they talked, and the years of loneliness faded away for both. He talked about growing up on a farm near Creel Springs with his five brothers and sisters, how he grew up feeling alone, only his younger sister talked to him on occasion. He spoke of their sheep, goats, chickens, rabbits, mules, horses, a cow, and a donkey named Bongo that got passed from child to child. "Bongo is like a hundred years old, but she'll carry our picnic baskets and fishing poles. She even carried me when I was little."

"What do your parents do?" she asked.

"My dad..." suddenly he didn't want to reveal the fact that he was royalty, she clearly doesn't know that he was abducted. "My dad works in the castle in Lancre. He kind of runs things over there. My mom does magic stuff."

"Oh," said Finella with a nod. She pictured his parents as the head of palace maintenance and a witch. "I'm just the preachers' daughter, the temple maiden. I've never been anywhere but Tackle Creek. I don't have any brothers or sisters," she added sadly. "Dad founded the Temple of the Vengeful Turtle and I'm..." she didn't dare say it. She was the reward; the highest contributor of the month won the Temple "Maiden" for the night. "I'm just the temple maiden."

"What does a temple maiden do?" asked Exavier.

Fucks old men while dad counts the money was the correct answer. "Anything they need me to do," she said aloud while avoiding eye contact with Exie.

"Brothers and sisters can be a pain; my brothers and sisters ignore me most of the time. It's like I'm not alive. My oldest brother's wife is expecting their second baby next month, my oldest sister is overdue with her second, she says she's having a girl," said Exie. He realized that he had to be careful, he shouldn't reveal too much, but all he could think about was those beautiful hazel eyes of hers and her sweet red lips. He comes from a family where every woman is busty to some degree, so Finella's athletic figure was endearing to him. "How old are you?" he asked.

"I'll be eighteen in the spring," she said as she held the sandwich up for him.

"Me too! Do you have a boyfriend?" he asked.

"No. I don't get to see any boys," said Finella as she moved closer. It wasn't a lie, she has no boyfriend, and she doesn't get to see boys, just old men with a lot of money to give to her father.

"I don't get to see anyone either... there's no one my age around me. I don't get to meet any girls my age where I live. Other than my sisters all the other females around me are married old women or little kids. I'll be your boyfriend if you like." This was painfully true. Other than sisters and sisters-in-law the only girl near his age is eleven year old Darla in the Kings College.

"I would like that," she said nervously. He's not a threat, he's too short, but what is he going to say if he finds out about her past?

Exie had enough of this and stopped everything but himself. Finella was frozen holding the mug up to him to drink from. He worked at the ropes binding his wrists and soon had his wrists free, then he untied the ropes around his ankles. When he was free, he took the tea mug out of Finella's hand and placed it on the tray along with the scraps of the sandwich and pulled her down with him in the hay and restarted everything.

"What did you do?" she gasped.

"I told you, my mom does magic stuff, I guess I learned a rope trick." Finella didn't struggle, in fact she was quite happy to be in the handsome young man's arms, it just felt right... his touch was righter than any man in her past, it felt like this is the way it was meant to be. Their lips got closer and closer, and they touched and for both it was bliss. It was as if their lips were meant to be touching. He was so much sweeter than the men at the temple, it's almost like he cares about her. Their hands gently roamed over each other's body, slowly discovering what each other was built like. Then their tongues touched, and it felt like a spark jumped between them.

Finella whimpered in delight and pushed Exie onto his back in the hay, then as they both reached for each other's shirt buttons a voice jumped into their heads...

"EXAVIER ABRAAM WORBLEHAT-STEIN!"

"Shit," muttered Exie.

"What was that?" gasped Finella looking around the dark hayloft.

"My mom," groaned Exie as the headache from her mental shout started to settle in.

"Your mom???"

"I told you; she does magic stuff." He closed his eyes and thought "WHAT???" as hard as he could but he wasn't sure if it got to her.

"DON'T 'WHAT' ME YOUNG MAN!"

It got to her.

"GET OVER TO BARON BALTIMORE'S HOUSE NOW. AND TAKE YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND WITH YOU."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

"What's that?" asked Gwendolyn as she looked at the gray cloaks that hovered in front of her. They were completely empty. She's seen Death and he wears something like this, but he has bits that stick out, hands and feet and such. These blokes don't have bits. She reached out and took ahold of a cloak and opened it up and shook it out, and it went right back to looking like it was occupied.

"They are auditors of reality, watchers of time and space." Then Time whispered into Gwendolyn's ear, "They do not believe in individuality. If you can get them to speak of themselves in the first person, they go away. They are very literal; they will also go away if you confuse them."

Gwendolyn thought about it for a while then asked, "What do you want?"

"It has come to our attention that you have learned to alter time."

Gwendolyn turned to Time and said, "Have I altered you?"

Time smiled and purred, "Altered? No, I am inexorable, I cannot be altered."

Gwendolyn turned back to the auditors and said, "Your information is wrong. You are dismissed."

"But she has traveled outside of the time stream, and we want to know how."

"No." said Gwendolyn. "Not unless you ask nicely."

"We do not ask nicely..." said a gray cloak but Gwendolyn held up a finger.

"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to him," she said pointing to the third Auditor in line. "You are rude and need to remain quiet. I like him. He's much nicer."

"I am not rude I was just... oh bloody hell..."

Pop!

And the Auditor popped out of existence. "She said I'm nice," whispered a remaining Auditor to his partner. "Damnit!"

Pop!

The two Auditors were soon replaced and the three turned toward Gwendolyn. "Again how did you alter time?" they asked again.

"I didn't alter Time, she said she was fine," suddenly Gwen shrieked, "get off the lawn! You're ruining the grass!!!" The auditors looked around and didn't see any grass. They were in a glass house with glass walls and a glass floor, there was no lawn inside or outside of the house and they were confused. "Stay off the lawn, you're killing the grass!"

Pop! Pop! Pop!

"Nice, three at once!" smiled Time. Then she got serious. "If you continue to 'adjust' the time stream you will see them again. They hate life but they can't touch you. But they will annoy you. They work for Azræl, one of the Great Old Ones."

"Mom told me about Azræl, she says he thinks she's hot."

Time opened her mouth to speak, then closed it. It could be possible, Azræl is over a billion years old, and he has interesting passions. "Now that you know about the auditors and I've figured out your trick, let's get you back to your family."

"You should see my brother Exie, he's much better at this..."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

"Come on baby, daddy's right here," said Marke Ivers but Hollie's body didn't seem to want to let go of the baby.

"How about if we sit her up?" Marlon asked the witch Matilda Potts. She's been helping Hollie for a few hours and the baby isn't getting anywhere closer, but her water has already broken, the baby needs to come now. His dad likes to have "his girls" sitting up when they're giving birth.

"I don't know if sitting her up..." Matilda was frustrated, it was a tough night, the two youngest kids were missing, the twins and their spouses were in foreign parts, the king was injured and the queen is gone, and the castle was in lock down... "I don't know," groaned Matilda. "What am I missing?"

Marlon looked around the room, it was just him and Mark and Matilda, the problem was obvious. "I'll be right back." He got up and ran off. Fifteen minutes later little Corina and Pommy were playing in the corner next to Annette and Annabelle, Grandma Jutta and Catrin brought their chairs and their knitting, Queen Magrat joined along with Ning who had to be dragged out of Nick's room. Marlon smiled, this looked more like every birthing he'd been to in the past.

As Annabelle started serving tea, Hollie grabbed Marlon's collar, and snarled, "You bastard!" and gave him a kiss. "Thank you." Every birth Hollie has ever seen has been in front of the entire family, the only people missing were mom and dad but with this small crowd Hollie felt strangely happy. She misses her big noisy family in the tiny, cramped cabin and as Mark kissed and encouraged her, the newest Ivers would soon join the royal family.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

"Oi don't get it," said Ivo. "His holiness left the castle; he flew off to see to a fire or sumpin' and he never come back."

"You don't say," said the voice in the cell across the aisle from Ivo. Unseen to the person in that cell, a small wire haired dog was sitting just outside the cell door. After Ivo mentioned that Nick flew off and never flew back the small dog got up and left. It trotted up to a dark office where a skeleton wearing a breast plate and a helmet sat leaning against the wall.

"I heard enough," said the small dog, "thanks Stan. Don't forget Ivo."

The skeleton sat up as if coming awake at the sound of the dog's voice. Stanislaus has been the jailer of the Lancre Dungeon for two hundred fifty years, and fifty of those years were spent alive. He was such a good jailer that no one had the heart to relieve him of duty after he died. "Thank you, Juju," and the skeleton got up and headed to the two cells that were occupied. "Ivo Stein... somebody else wants to talk to you!"

"Wot! Oi was getting me beauty rest."

"You'll have time for that later," said Stan and he unlocked the door and dragged Ivo out of the cell and shoved him roughly down the hall leaving Mr. Jean-Baptiste Favreau alone in the dark cell across the hall.

"Oi wants me a lawyer!"

Several minutes later Ivo was in the arms of his wife. "Oi don't know what that was all about," said Ivo, "but me daughter asked me to sit in a jail cell for an hour and talk tough, like I run the show and Nick was a criminal."

Magrat looked down at Juju who was looking up at her. "I wonder if it has something to do with a clairvoyant dog."

"I wouldn't count that out," said Juju who was trying to look innocent. He ducked into the room where Nick lay sleeping, hopped up, and curled up at the foot of the bed.

"Come on," said Maggy and she urged Ivo quickly into the next room and it was packed with people.

"Grandpa! Sit down here!" called Mark Ivers and motioned to a chair next to the bed Hollie was on, she was nearly naked, and her knees were up in the air.

"Grandpa!" cried Hollie and she grabbed his arm and squeezed tight, as tight as she could. She screamed and Matilda Potts and Mark leaned in between her legs. All around her was her family calling out encouragement and occasionally leaning over to see and all Ivo could think was that this was insane.

"What is this..." the confused old man said but Hollie screamed again, and Matilda said, "Here she comes!" and as Ivo watched on in wonder the cries of a newborn filled the air... "Name your child, daddy!" said Matilda.

"John!" cried Mark as he held his son gently. Hollie had said the baby was a girl, and Mark had a perfect baby boy in his arms. "John Nicholas after both of our fathers," he said happily.

A while later Octavia landed in the courtyard, raced into the castle, and dove into Nick's room first to see how he and Ning were doing. Nick was still asleep, and Ning was still in agony over Nick's condition. "Oh baby, how are you doing," Octavia breathlessly asked Ning as she hugged her Agatean lover.

"Scared, I'm so scared for him," whispered Ning.

"I'm doing fine, if you bother to ask," said Juju. The two women glared at the little dog. "Just saving you the breath to ask a small dog that risked his life for the kingdom and the royal family."

"You really are Gaspode's child," muttered Ning.

"Did you have fun playing secret sleuth?" asked Octavia.

"Nah, the guy just put himself in prison for the rest of his life," said Juju. "I gave a list of names to Marlon."

Then Octavia went and visited Hollie and found her newest grandchild in the arms of Ivo who sat with tears of joy streaming down his cheeks and dripping onto the baby's swaddling clothes. "He's so beautiful," was all he could say. Maggy sat next to him with her arm around his shoulders, and together they showed the new baby who was beautiful and perfect in every way to Octavia.

"He's never seen anything like this," said Maggy who gave birth in royal isolation herself.

"We never did nothing like this in Ankh-Morpork," said Catrin as she sat next to Jutta knitting. "The midwife made Ivo go wait in the pub when our Pommy was born."

"How mean!" said Mark, as he held little Pommy up to see his new brother.

"It's really amazing, isn't it Great Grandpa," said Octavia as she made a quick count of fingers while little John Nicholas slept.

"Oi never knew," Ivo whispered, "Oi never knew it was like this..." then he kissed Maggy. "Thank you my dear. Thank you for sharing this with me."

"Don't thank me," said Magrat, "thank your granddaughter when she wakes up." And she gestured to Hollie who was asleep for the first time in days.

Realizing she had work to do, Octavia got a copy of the names from Marlon and promised to be back as quickly as possible, "I have to go get your little brother," and she stepped out into the courtyard and disappeared.

<><><><><>

"We need to go," said Exavier and he urged Finella down the ladder from the hay loft and onto the barn floor. "You heard my mom; we have to go."

"How do I know that wasn't the turtle?" she asked.

Exie knew that her family ran a temple that was part of a turtle worship cult, he didn't realize that they thought that A'Tuin spoke to people. "If it was the turtle you would have to go anyhow, right?"

"You've got a point," and they made their way out to the moonlit farmyard. "This way, I think," she whispered.

"You don't know?"

"I've never been to town," said Finella. "Father says its sinful. He said that the baron is a sinful man."

"Sounds like there's a lot of things to avoid in your father's world. I've known Baron Baltimore's dad my entire life, he's nice. He lets me read the news. Baron Pennyworth Baltimore is a very nice person, he used to come to our farm and go sledding with us kids in the winter. He's my brother Marlon's age." They made their way across the fields, but the sounds of distant shouting alerted them to the fact that their disappearance was noticed. Exie's first thought was to find a library and head through L-Space but there's no libraries in Spatz Mountain. "Shhh, there's a carriage coming."

In the darkness they could see an uncovered two horse carriage coming up a road, it had several oil lamps and it looked to Exie like a Lancre Watch patrol carriage. They hid behind a haystack until they were certain that it was a patrol carriage, then holding Finella's hand Exie dashed out to the middle of the road and waved down the carriage which pulled up to a stop before them.

"Officer I am Exavier Abraam..."

"And I suppose you want a ride too," said the cop. Everyone wanted a free ride tonight. "We are not a taxi service, now if you'll step aside, we have barony business to attend to."

"Yes sir!" said Exavier with a salute. They stepped aside and with a crack of the buggy whip the sergeant resumed his patrol. The police carriage had moved ten feet down the road when everything stopped. Exie had a tight grip on Finella's hand which kept her inside Exie's time bubble, and he led her to the stopped carriage.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Maybe they changed their minds," said Exie and he helped Finella into the carriage, all the while holding her wrist until they were in the carriage. He collapsed his time bubble, and the cops continued their patrol through the forests and fields of Spatz Mountain.

"Did you do that?" she asked. When he nodded, she gasped. "My dad says magic is sinful!"

The cops heard her and pulled the carriage to a halt. "OUT!" shouted the sergeant. "I don't know how ya got in here but git out!" and soon Exie and Finella were standing on the side of the road and the carriage was galloping away. Exavier waited until the carriage got as far away as he wanted to walk, and everything stopped.

"OK," said Exavier. "You need to realize that Lancre is a magical kingdom that is sitting on a magical planet that rides a magical turtle through space. Everything isn't sinful, sinful is when you use such wonderful magic to harm others."

"Are you sure?" when she asked him, she wrinkled her nose which Exavier thought was adorable.

"Pretty sure," he said as they got into the carriage again. This time he pulled Finella close, and they resumed that kiss that his mother interrupted.

Their kiss went on forever and Exie's head spun with the sheer delight of someone caring for him. They changed positions and Exie accidentally bumped the trainee cop who said, "They're back sarge."

"OUT!!!" Shrieked the sergeant, as the carriage skidded to a stop. The teens got out of the carriage and Exie tried to plea with the sergeant, but the gruff man would have nothing to do with the brat kids. He snatched the buggy whip out of his partner's hand and with a crack they were on their way.

Exie let them get ten feet ahead before stopping them. "Are police sinful?" asked Finella.

"This guy might be sinful, but tonight I think he's just grouchy." He led Finella ahead of the carriage and they stood in the road about fifty yards ahead of the carriage. "I know this is wrong," Exie grinned, "but sometimes it's a lot of fun and I just can't help myself."

The police men were looking back at the teens they left on the road when the young constable turned and saw them standing in the road ahead of them. "STOP!" shrieked the young trainee and they halted just barely in time. Suddenly the teens were in the back seat of the carriage. The young man was leaning back into the corner the girl was snuggled up against him.

"Get out," said the sergeant. "Get out before I swing me truncheon!"

"It would be easiest if you just give us the ride."

With hate in his eyes the sergeant turned, raised his truncheon and swung. Unfortunately there was nothing to hit and his swing followed through and hit his constable trainee in the back of the head.

"I hope my sister's fiancé doesn't have a trainer like you."

The cops heard Exie's voice and they slowly turned with eyes wide with terror. There were the teens, they were in front of the carriage petting and calming the police horses. Even though she was raised on a farm, Finella's father thought there was something sinful about women caring for horses (other than shoveling out the stable), so Exie was teaching her how to make friends with the horse she was petting.

"What are you, a ghost? Some kind of wizard?" The sergeant was almost crying.

"No," said Exie as he stroked the muzzle of the horse. "I don't know much magic actually. My mom is the only wizard in the family."

"Ha!" laughed the young constable "He said his mom was a wizard!"

"He did!" said Finella. "So what about it? A woman can be a wizard if she wants, can't she?"

"Not really," said Exie softly.

The sergeant clearly went pale. "Your mom is a wizard?"

"Yes," said Exie. "And my dad is a witch and so is my oldest sister."

"His dad is in charge at Lancre Castle," said Finella not fully understanding what Exie meant by 'in charge.'

The sergeant clearly saw his pension begin to vaporize. "Where would ye like to go milord?"

"Mom told us to get to Baron Pennyworth's house as fast as we could."

"Please get in!" said the sergeant pleasantly but he was red faced in anger that was barely being held in check. "Hold on!" and they took off at a gallop and soon turned up the road which led them into Tackle Creek. With bell ringing and whistle blowing they raced through the tiny mountain village and pulled up to the baron's house.

The police sergeant's worst nightmare came true as they saw in the moonlight Baron Pennyworth Baltimore standing with a woman in front of the mansion reviewing a piece of paper they held. Of course, it was the queen. How could it not be the queen? "Ah, there he is!" said the Baron happily as Exie assisted Finella out of the carriage.

The Sergeant braced for the worst. Pennyworth Baltimore was a likable enough young man, but he was eagerly trying to make a name for himself in the political world. He realized that Spatz Mountain was not in the king's good graces and he was driving himself and everyone in Spatz Mountain to show the king that the war was over. Pennyworth decided that if they exceeded Lake A'Tuin in tourism, the king would look kindly on them so he had plans for turning the Gjorgiev river into a tourist attraction. "How was the ride, Prince Exavier?"

"It was fun," grinned Exie as they shook hands. "The sergeant has a great sense of humor and let us play games to break up the monotony of the trip." Octavia winced. She knows what her youngest son means when he says games, but she wasn't aware of Gwen and Exie's abilities.

"Thank you, sergeant, your service will be rewarded," said the Baron as he shook the confused sergeant's hand. "I have a job for the Watch that the King needs completed, would you like to tackle it?"

"Yes, yer lordship."

"Good, here's a list of people that are wanted for questioning in an attack on the king. They need to be delivered to Lancre Castle as soon as possible."

"Aye milord." The sergeant looked at the list and smiled. "T'will be a pleasure milord. A bit of a cleanup if you like."

Meanwhile Octavia was looking over her youngest son for any signs of damage. "Honest mom, they weren't smart enough to..."

"Let me be the judge of that. And who is this?" Octavia glared at Finella like the slim brunette was dangerous.

"Finella Thorndyke. She helped me escape." She placed a hand on Finella's shoulder and immediately she felt it. She turned and glared at Exie. "You enchanted her! Who taught you how to do that?"

"Gwen... she enchanted Pavel!"

"Mrs. Stein," said Finella Thorndyke softly. "I enchanted him first... it's the only magic I have. My mom gave it to me. I'm sorry I just had to get out of there, I always dreamed of being rescued from that temple and swept away by my lover. I didn't know he was special, I really didn't, then he turned around and enchanted me back."

"A fine pair you two are," scolded Octavia. "You're as bad as every one of your brothers and sisters, and now you got yourself a gold digger!"

"MOM!" Exie almost shouted, "she doesn't know who you are."

Octavia held Finella's hands and said, "who am I?"

"Missus Stein! You're Exavier's mom."

"Anything else?" Octavia asked, so far, she hasn't detected any deception, she didn't feel an urge that a gold digger would have, but she did feel some unshared secrets in the young girl.

"You're a wizard, right? Exie says that women can't be wizards. What's a gold digger?"

"It's someone who latches on to a rich or famous person for profit," said Octavia.

"Oh... I guess I'm not a gold digger. I fell for a sinner that my father was going to reform."

Octavia looked at Exavier who just shrugged. "Deep down, aren't we all sinners?"

"Do not start with me," growled Octavia. "I've had a bad day. Come here you two," and she hugged Exavier and Finella tightly and with a sudden rush they were in the castle courtyard.

"Did Hollie have her baby?" asked Exavier.

"Yes, everyone is in our old tower."

"Come on!" and grasping Finella's hand he led her into the castle, dashing through the corridors.

Being transported like that is known to cause headaches, Exie's father calls them unearned hangovers, but like hangovers the young seem to be immune. So, while Octavia let the throbbing in her head settle, Exie led Finella through the maze of corridors to the tower. Eventually Finella asked "Where are we?"

"We're at my house."

"Wait, stop!" gasped Finella, "Where... what... I don't understand. I thought you lived on a farm!"

"We moved. This is where I live with my whole family," said Exavier.

Finella's head was spinning, she chose this boy to get her away from that trap she was stuck in, and now she's in a huge stone monstrosity. "How many people are in your family?"

"Counting in-laws? Twenty... no, Hollie's baby makes twenty-one. Annette will have a baby next month, that will make twenty-two." He pulled her close and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips, "you will be number twenty-three."

"I can live with number twenty-three, as long as I'm number one in your heart," as they kissed her head spun, twenty-three people in a family!

"Come on, let's see the baby," said Exie and they walked into the meditation garden, and she became amazed at the opulent plant life. It was late but many plants had glowing blossoms, tiny glowing insects flew about the garden and in a small pond glowing fish swam.

Suddenly a tiny flying naked woman appeared in front of her nose and said, "Who is this your majesty?"

"This is my friend Finella, Finella this is Star Blossom, he's the queen of the Meditation Garden fairies.

"Fairies?" Finella suddenly looked worried... "there's no such thing as fairies."

"We exist," said Star Blossom, then with a waggle of her eyebrows she said, "I help make that happen." Star Blossom was the father of most of the fairies in the garden. The fairy fluttered in front of Finella's face, wings whirring, a mischievous smile on the little creature's face. "Girls!" Star Blossom shouted in her tiny voice and suddenly Finella was surrounded by over a dozen fairies of different skin colors and hair colors. A little green fairy with bright red hair fluttered next to Star Blossom and began singing a song of welcome and soon all of the fairies were singing.

Their singing was beautiful, the simple little song that little children all over the Ramtop Mountains learn to sing as they learn to talk became more complex and beautiful with each stanza that the tiny creatures sang. They added harmony and changed keys several times as they sang and finished with a beautiful final series of cords in four-part harmony - "...you're as welcome as the flowers in May!"

"My gods," gasped Exavier, "I haven't heard you guys sing like that in years. Usually, it's once through without any harmony."

"We like her," said the little red and green fairy that Exie and Gwen always called Hoggsy because of her Hogswatch coloration. "She loves our prince!" Suddenly all the fairies were in Finella's hair, wrapping themselves in her long luxurious locks. The slim brunette's eyes grew wide, and she was winding up for a huge scream.

Exavier realized that Finella was going to start swatting at the fairies and he grabbed her hands, "Don't freak, this is how they hug. Try to relax and feel what they're singing."

"Feel what they're singing?" It was hard to relax but soon Finella heard the fairies singing softly, it was a sweet song in a language that was old before the great turtle A'Tuin hatched. Their song conveyed peace and even though Finella didn't understand a word she found their song filling her soul with calming goodwill. "Oh my!" she whispered. Hoggsie fluttered in front of Finella and smiled.

"What is your name," Finella asked dreamily, then she realized that the little lady was pregnant.

"Ilex Hol Lēah," smiled the brightly colored fairy. "It means "Happy Hogswatch!" she said cheerily and fluttered off into the leaves of the lush plant life. One by one the fairies released their hold and followed Ilex.

"It doesn't mean Happy Hogswatch," whispered Exavier. "It means the holly plant, she just loves Hogswatch so she chose those colors."

Finella started to feel her old world collapse around her, everything she was told by the Reverand Thorndyke was wrong, the world she grew up in and was told to believe in was starting to fall apart. She looked at Exavier and said, "where are we really?"

"This is Lancre Castle. My mom made this garden for King Verence and Queen Magrat a long time ago to ease their nerves and mend their hearts when their sons were killed... they must have been wonderful people because I was named for them." Finella looked shocked and confused and Exie continued. "If you're feeling bad for any reason, this is the place to come. You have friends here waiting for you. Come on."

He led her down the path that wandered back and forth through the flowers and shrubs and actual trees, there were little coves with benches to relax in and Exie showed her a hidden open area where the ground was covered with soft moss. "I always dreamed of making love to a beautiful woman here," then he whispered, "I think my folks come here to do it. Marlon says if you see these flowers open," and he pointed to several large flower buds around the clearing, "it means someone is in there, and wait your turn." Sadly, she didn't laugh, she was lost in her world's collapse.

Exavier led the confused woman through the garden, he showed her turtles and frogs in a small pond, they crossed over a small stream several times and came to a beautiful ornate fountain that emptied into another small pond full of brightly colored fish. "This is where we hold a lot of weddings." Behind that they followed a path through the thick plant life into the vegetable garden. There were tiny men and women weeding and hoeing the garden. To answer her unspoken question he said, "Garden gnomes... haven't you ever seen them before?"

Gathering her remaining courage Finella finally said, "Who are you really?"

Exie sat down on a bench where he could watch the garden gnomes tilling the vegetables. He pulled Finella onto his lap. "I am Prince Exavier Abraam Worblehat Stein, I am third in line to the throne of Lancre. My father is King Verence the Third and my mom is Queen Octavia of Lancre."

"Why didn't you tell me in the barn?" she asked, her eyes filling with tears.

"Would you have believed me? Would you have believed that you were serving tea and mutton to an heir to the throne of Lancre? I didn't know if you were a separatist and wanted to kill me. But all excuses aside I couldn't. I was falling in love with you, and I didn't want you to run off."

"I'm not going to run off, you enchanted me," she finally smiled. "I suppose we can run off together. When your family sees what kind of country bumpkin, I am they'll toss me out..." When they see that I'm a whore, she added silently.

"They'll welcome you with open arms," said Exavier. "I wasn't born to this; I was born in a hayloft just like the one we met in a few hours ago." She looked at him in confusion and he said, "we're not pampered royals, we were raised on a farm, my sister Hollie and my brother Marlon still live on the farm raising their families there, I'll take you there and show you. My parents were from Ankh-Morpork, mom was an orphan that was left on a doorstep and raised by a wizard at the Unseen University and became a magic student, my dad was a kid in the Shades in Ankh-Morpork who used to steal bricks. He was abandoned when he was five and lived his life alone until he met mom. My family is here by accident, just like how you and I found each other."

When he said 'found each other' she felt her heart leap, so much was happening, her first love and she enchanted him in the hope he'd escape and take her with. And he did! But when his parents find out about her duties at the temple, they're going to kill her and exile him from the family. That's what they do to princes, don't they? "You're really a prince?" She couldn't believe it; this was something that only happened in trashy romance novels that her father punished her for reading.

"Yes... I truly am... and I've never felt like this." and their lips grew closer, the anxiety she was feeling started to melt away but whatever else he was going to say was lost in a shriek of a small child.

"Zee Zee!" A little brown haired fireball raced through the garden with his taller blond cousin they both crashed into Exie.

"Finella, this is Pommy, my sister's boy, and this is Corina, my brother's girl."

"Are you Zee Zee's wife?" asked the little boy.

Finella looked at Exie hoping he would answer Pommy's question for her, which he did. "We will marry after we turn eighteen, poopie."

"Pommy!" the tyke shrieked earning a stern warning from the garden gnomes.

"Zee Zee?" Finella asked laughing.

"He can't pronounce Exie," the prince explained. "Let's go see your baby sister, poopie."

"POMMY!" shrieked the tyke in anger. Uncle Exie teases him mercilessly.

Exie led Finella through the vegetable garden into the adjacent tower and into a large common room that was full of people that were waiting for them. "Everyone, this is Finella," was all Exie said and Finella was welcomed like a long lost and much-loved member of the family. She met three grandmothers, one who used to be queen, one grandfather, brothers, sisters, and in one room she met Hollie who looked exhausted but happy, she was nursing a tiny baby and for some reason Finella was blushing.

"What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a boob before?" asked Hollie. Her large full breast was completely exposed as she nursed her new son. It was abundantly clear that her intent was to embarrass the young girl.

"Not one that big!" Finella cried. "I'm used to this size," and she opened her blouse showing Hollie her small perky breast.

In response Hollie laughed and hugged the slim brunette. "Welcome to the nut house. If we don't appear to be crazy it just means that it's contagious and you caught the crazy." Hollie switched breasts and placed a second outsized tit to the baby's mouth.

"I know how you feel," whispered Annette as she came up behind Finella. "She's horrible when we go swimming."

"Swimming?"

"Skinny dipping, she's a showoff. You and me and Marti, we have to stick together." Finella found herself taken under the wing of the pregnant blond beauty who made sure that Finella got to speak with everyone, and everyone welcomed her to the family. It appears that the queen had told them that she was coming. All in all, Finella felt comfortable and accepted by everyone, especially Grandma Catrin. They sat and talked for what seemed like hours, then Exie came out of a bedroom with two women.

"Finella, you met my mom, Queen Octavia, this is my stepmother, Chung Hau Ning. Her son Jia, he's a little older than me, is Emperor of the Agatean Empire."

"What's the matter?" Finella asked Exie, "you look angry." Finella was finally feeling like she was accepted somewhere for the first time in her life and now her man is angry?

He took her aside and said, "My dad was injured, he almost died. Now I need to go talk with Mister Morose, they want to know what happened to me."

"Can I go with?" she asked.

"Yes, he's going to want to ask you questions too."

For the next hour they sat in an office in the lower levels of the castle and a skinny man with a big round head and thick glasses asked them questions. Exie described how he was snatched in the castle in the meditation garden and put in a cargo wagon then raced to Thrash. Then he was put in a gondola on a freight train and taken up the Copperhead & Bear Mountain Line then thrown off the train and dragged to Reverand Ravenwood Thorndyke's farm where he sat alone tied up in the hayloft for a few hours until Finella fed him, and they escaped.

"Why did your father kidnap the prince?" Mr. Morose asked Finella.

"I don't know... he's always hated Lancre, but I didn't know he was the prince."

"What did your father tell you about his majesty?"

Finella finally shouted something that she's always wanted to say... "He's not my father! I hate him! I hate him! My real father is probably Deacon Unger. Fathers don't sleep with their daughters, do they? They don't whore us out to raise money, do they?" She grew silent and began shuddering, "Exie, you need to ask your mother to break the enchantment so you can be free of me." It suddenly became very quiet in the room except for Finella's weeping. Exie tried to comfort her but she pulled away. She felt so dirty letting out her secret like that. Mr. Morose looked at Prince Exavier and said, "Please excuse us, your majesty."

"Mr. Morose, this woman is very important to me."

"Yes, your majesty, and Kingdom Security is very important to me."

Exavier turned to Finella and kissed her gently. When their lips parted her eyes were closed and her chin trembled. "We will deal with it together, your pain is mine, ok?"

"Ok," she said in a tiny voice.

"Be honest with him, don't worry about making anyone look guilty or innocent, I need you to be honest. Then we will deal with Reverand Thorndyke."

"Ok," she whispered.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Pavel sat in the Meditation garden with Gwendolyn, it was early in the morning and they were talking about what happened yesterday. Star Blossom sat on his shoulder as he told Gwen about Exie disappearing and her father falling out of the sky and Ivo going to jail and Hollie finally having the baby. "You should have seen grandpa; he was crying his eyes out as he held little Nick."

"It wasn't a girl?" gasped Gwen.

"No, a boy, John Nicholas Ivers."

"I heard Hollie scared Exie's new girlfriend with one of her monster boobs." Gwen tried not to sound jealous, but it was getting more difficult every month her breasts remained normal. As they talked the cook's assistant Vanni Balboni strolled into the garden and knelt and started to look for squash for that evening's dinner. Star Blossom started shuddering. Suddenly she let out an ear-piercing squeal and all the fairies in the garden started to flash intensely bright red. All doors to the meditation garden closed and five palace guards walked in.

"Is that him?" Pavel asked Star Blossom, but it was hard to do, because all the fairies took up the squeal and the sound was ear splitting. "Star Blossom, your majesty, please!" Finally, the piercing squeal ended, and Star Blossom pointed. "That's him!" cried Star Blossom, "He took Prince Exie!" The rest of the fairies started chanting "Him, Him, Him!"

"Are you going to believe a bunch of bugs?" said the assistant chef.

Exavier and a tall slim girl appeared from behind a large grove of sweetwood trees and shrubs. They walked up to where the guards held Vanni Balboni who was surprised to see Exavier and did a poor job of hiding his surprise. Exavier and Finella held hands and Exavier said, "That is one of the men that grabbed me.

"You rich snots," snarled Vanni as a guard put handcuffs on him, "You don't know shit about the working man, you're all just gutter rats."

"Officer, this fellow has been working here for only about six months, when he was laid off from a restaurant after Hogswatch my dad gave him the job because he felt sorry for him. Your king knows what it's like to be out of work. Unfortunately he's really a crappy cook as well as an ingrate."

"Fuck you."

"He was in my dad's congregation and all he did was bitch about people that were better than him," said Finella.

"Stupid WHORE," Vanni snarled. Suddenly he bent over and groaned in agony. He was about to say something when his knees gave out and he sagged to the ground with another groan.

"What did you do?" asked Finella as the guards dragged out their prisoner who was clutching his balls.

"I didn't do anything," said Exie.

"No one picks on my big brother's girlfriend," said Gwen. She had paused time and kicked him in the gut. Then when he bent over, she saw another chance, paused time again and kicked him in the balls then returned to the bench and sat down. "Where did you sleep last night, Finella?"

"I didn't, we spent most of the night downstairs talking to Mister Morose."

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Pavel. "He can be pretty nasty."

"No, he was very nice to me, we talked for a long time about Reverand Thorndyke... my father."

"You look like hell," said Gwen. "We will find you a room, let's go get breakfast first, come on." Gwen and Pavel led Finella and Exie to the main dining room where a few people were already eating. "Come on," and she led them into the kitchen where a couple of cooks were waiting at a hot stove.

"What do we have today?" asked Exie.

"Eggs, bacon and eggy bread," said the cook, and he placed a sample of each on a plate for each of the teenagers, and they took their plates into the main dining room and sat with Grandmas Catrin, Jutta, Maggy and Grandpa Ivo who was still in heaven over the new baby.

"I didn't expect this," said Finella. "People think you have waitresses and fine dining, fancy meals not scrambled and eggy bread."

"Wot's not fancy about eggy bread?" asked Grandpa Ivo. "In Ankh-Morpork we call it Quirm Toast to make it even fancier."

"Does everyone eat here?"

"Oh yeah," said a weary looking Mark as he sat down with Pommy and began to feed his sleepy son. "The Royal Family and the workers. I think the castle employees get a discount; guests pay full fare."

"Pay... what?" Finella was shocked to hear that people paid to eat in the castle.

"Yeah, pay," said Exie. "It keeps hangers on and royal parasites from bleeding the kingdom dry. My dad pays for the royal family, everyone else pays cash or it comes out of their pay checks. Try this on your eggy bread," he said as he handed her the elm syrup.

She put butter on her eggy bread and was going to fold it up and eat it like that as she always did, but these people put stuff on their eggy bread. Syrups, jams, katsup, Ivo and Maggy put something they called Wow Wow sauce on theirs. She tentatively tried a corner with the elm syrup, and it was amazing! Rich, sweet, and nutty, the elm flavor pulled her into the woods of Lancre. "Now try this," he said and handed her the maple syrup. That was even more incredible! Sweet, delicious, homey, it wrapped her in a blanket of sweet excess.

"I want to try everything!" she said, her eyes wide with excitement. "Father said that this was all sinful, it distracts us from the turtle." And she tried everything, the jams and jellies were ok, the katsup was savory not sweet, and then she turned to the Wow Wow sauce.

"Just a little," warned Grandpa Ivo. "Oi use this to light me cigar." She tasted the last corner of her eggy bread with the Wow Wow sauce, and it was delicious! Spicy and bold with a flavor that came from the chili peppers of the Klatchian highlands.

"So good!" she said then suddenly the heat hit, burning her tongue and throat. "I! I!" she gasped as she fumbled for her glass of water.

"Give her some milk," said Grandma Maggy trying not to laugh, and the milk did the trick, soothing the burn.

"That was incredible. Where do you get this stuff?"

"The jams and jellies come from the fruit that grows in the garden, the elm syrup and maple syrup come from our trees on Bear Mountain, we draw the sap in the spring and boil it down," said Gwen. "We tap trees all over Bear Mountain and we use the neighbors sugar shack to turn it into syrup and sugar. We sell most of it to pay for events here at the palace."

"Maple sugar in your coffee is a true Hogswatch treat," said Grandma Maggy. Then she turned to Ivo and said, "Come on, we have students to feed." Exie and Finella followed Maggy and Ivo into the kitchen where there were two large pots, one full of soapy water, the other full of clear water.

"You wash your own dishes?" she gasped.

"Yep, every day except for special occasions," said Exie as he washed their plates and silverware. Before they left a crowd of children from the ages of five up to twelve came in and got their breakfasts. The older children each had a younger child to watch for as they filed through the kitchen and got their breakfast. "This is the student body of the Kings College. All of them are gutter rats like my dad, that were left out to die in the shades of Ankh-Morpork by rotten parents. Dad brings them here to save them and we all take a hand in teaching them. I hold the math classes."

"Oh my god," gasped Finella, everything that her father told her is wrong. Everything!

Exavier led her by the hand through the castle up a confusing maze of stairs and led her to a bedroom that was comfortable but not opulent. "I have to study; you get some sleep here. If you need anything there will be a guard nearby. And with a sweet kiss he was gone.

Finella stripped off her skirt, then after a thought she removed her blouse, t-shirt and panties and lay down completely naked, something that her father said was sinful too... he got everything wrong. As she lay on the bed, she realized it smelled of Exavier and drifted off into a secure sleep.

Meanwhile the guard took a seat outside of Exie's room and waited. She was requested to let the future princess sleep for several hours then wake her before the Court meeting started. Exie reappeared and quietly told the young female guard, "wait long enough for her to fall asleep then move inside my room. Let her sleep, but be on your guard from in there, I think something is up. I set an alarm, when the Alarm goes off, help the lady get down to the court meeting, ok?"

"Yes milord," the female guard said, and she sat down and waited. After a half hour she moved inside Exie's room, lit a candle, and began reading. Meanwhile, a guard took a seat in front of Gwendolyn's room which was next to Exie's room.

It was quiet on the seventh floor; the wind was blowing outside, and a cool breeze flowed through the ductwork into the bedrooms making the candle flicker in Exie's room. The guard watching over Finella had to move the candle around a bit to find a place where the flame wouldn't flicker and eventually found a location.

The guard outside of Gwendolyn's room was interrupted as the afternoon drew near. "Duke Prescott would like to talk to you." The guard looked up and it was Burleigh Skeates, a new guard from the outer baronies.

"As soon as my tour is over here," said the young female guard. "I have two hours and I'm done."

"He wants you now," insisted Burleigh. "He told me to take the remainder of your watch."

"Ok, ok," groaned the guard that had been watching over Gwendolyn's room. She got up and headed off toward the stairs. Instead of heading down the stairs she entered the king's private study where several people sat going over the notes for the court meeting. They looked up at Gwendolyn who was wearing Pavel's guard uniform. "You were right mom, Burleigh Skeates came up to me and said that Preston Prescott wants me," said Gwendolyn.

"I didn't ask for anyone," said Preston without looking up from his notes.

"Misrepresenting a noble's order? He can hang for that," said Marlon.

"Let me handle it, please?" asked Exavier.

Marlon was going to complain that Exavier didn't understand the Health and Safety notes enough for the meeting, but Queen Octavia said, "Go, and do NOT kill him, he's got to hang."

"Yes, your majesty," said Exavier without a note of sarcasm. And suddenly he was gone. Both Octavia and Gwen felt that little click that happens when Gwen or Exavier open a time bubble.

Burleigh Skeates was not a bright man, but he was able to obey orders, and he was for a free and independent Spatz Mountain regardless of the cost, even though he wasn't quite sure what that entailed. To him a free Spatz Mountain meant a return of Chimo Vivas to power. Chimo Vivas was the duke of the independent kingdom of Spatz Mountain, and he declared war on Lancre. And lost.

Burleigh sat on the chair in the hallway and waited for the length of time he was ordered to wait, then looking up and down the hall he rose and slowly squirted a little oil on the hinges and into the lock on Gwendolyn's door then eased the key in and turned it slowly. The lock unlatched silently, and the door opened without a squeak or groan. He pulled his gladius sword and advanced into the room. The slight light from the patio windows gave him all the illumination he needed, and he shoved the sword into the figure on the bed.

The moment he made contact with the body there was a blinding flash and suddenly he found himself handcuffed with his wrists behind him. He tried to move and he found out that his ankles were cuffed together and he fell over and crashed to the floor. "I'll have a few guys come up and help you," said Exie and he picked up his Iconograph and returned to the king's private study.

In the private study Exie told everyone what he did and a moment later the imp finished his painting inside of the iconograph and he pushed it out the slot. Exie took the icon that came out showing Burleigh Skeates stabbing what he thought was Finella Thorndyke. "Can he hang for this too?"

"Yes," groaned Preston. "We can make the case that since that was Gwendolyn's room, he was attempting to murder Princess Gwendolyn. Unfortunately, we can only hang him once." Turning to Pavel he said, "Provisional Constable Novic, go down to security get several men and personally supervise transporting the prisoner to the dungeon."

Glowing with pride Pavel said, "Aye sir!" and he and Gwendolyn raced down the stairs to Security.

In Exie's room the little pebbles that hovered over a bell finally dropped one after another, striking the bell and causing a gentle Ding! Ding! Ding! Assuming that this was the alarm that Exie spoke about, the guard rousted Finella and said, "Come milady, it's time to rise." She opened the shutters that allowed light to flood the room and Finella sat up and stretched, completely forgetting that she was naked.

"Oh, I slept so good!" she crooned. "Is this what being in love does for you?"

"That and staying up for twenty-four hours." She turned and saw Finella cringing under a blanket. "Don't worry, you don't have something I've never seen before."

"Yes, but it's sinful to be naked."

The guard has never heard something so dumb before. "So, babies are born sinners?" When Finella gave her a blank look, her the guard said, "They're born naked."

"Oh... I guess... I guess it's not a sin if you can't dress yourself." The guard looked at her in shock. "My father was a preacher for the Cult of the Vengeful Turtle, and everything is a sin to them."

"Vengeful turtle?" the guard laughed as she took a dress off of a hanger. "The king says that the turtle is very nice. Here try this on, Princess Gwendolyn said it should fit you, but it may be a bit short."

"Princess Gwendolyn loaned me one of her dresses? It's beautiful!" Finella forgot her state of undress and got out of bed and held the dress up to her body and looked in the mirror.

"Actually, the dress belongs to Princess Llywella, she's on her honeymoon, so we won't tell her." The guard helped the young woman pull on the dress and said, "Prince Exie finally finds a woman... If mom could only see this," she sniffed, her eyes filling with tears.

"Your mom?"

"My mom was their maid Magdalina, she watched them like a hawk one week a month and almost the entire month of Ick and they did that for years. Exie was her favorite; he was the sweetest child."

"Where is she now?"

"She's in the Memorial Garden. Please don't mention her to the king, Prince Marlon or Prince Reziko, they feel guilty that they couldn't save her." The dress fit properly except she didn't fill the top adequately, so they made do with tissue paper, and she was dressed by the time Exie knocked on the door.

"Come in," Magdalina's daughter Janel called.

Exie stepped in and the teenagers gazed at each other. Finella was wearing Loo-Loo's favorite formal dress that was Lancre Blue with red and silver piping, Exie was wearing his red jacket with tails, silver waist coat, Lancre blue trousers with black riding boots. "I'm wearing the Tin Soldier Uniform of Office, but you look amazing."

"You are so handsome in that..." she said hoping she didn't start to drool.

"Wait until you see us all in this, Dad, Marlon, Mark, Lou, Reziko, and me."

"You must look incredible..." Finella said. After they looked at each other's outfit, their eyes met, and the conversation came to a halt. Janel watched with amusement as the teens fought the urge to grasp each other and start to undo buttons.

"Knock, knock," said Octavia breaking the spell. The queen was in her deep red velvet wizard's robe and ready for the meeting of the king's court. "Let's get going you two..." Then Octavia saw the tissue padding in Finella's dress and said, "Oh no, this will never do." She chased Exavier out of his room, and she went to work on Finella. And as she worked on Finella they talked...

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The king's court sat waiting for Nick, Marlon, and Octavia. It's not unusual for King Verence III to be late for the meeting, he was usually meeting with someone before the court meeting started, but this was the public court meeting. Usually, they meet in a side room off the throne room, known as the Court Room, or sometimes in Nick's Study, a pub on the ground floor. But the public meeting was always held on the last Thursday of the month in the Throne Room so anyone who wanted could watch.

As the minutes ticked away Queen Octavia and Prince Exavier entered after being announced by Harold Lorchestershire, who the Worblehat-Stein kids call Harold the Herald. After they were seated Harold announced, "All Rise, The Duke of Wægn, Crown Prince Marlon Worblehat-Stein."

He entered and took Nick's seat at the head of the table and said "Please sit. The king decided to take a few days off so as part of my training as Crown Prince, he chose to throw me to the wolves." There was light laughter throughout the Throne Room, then he said. "I rewarded my youngest brother with the same gift, Prince Exavier will fill in as Lord of Health and Safety. It looks like the only seat open is Prime Minister, could we have the Prime Minister brought in please?"

Two guards escorted Mr. Jean-Baptiste Favreau into the throne room and Marlon said, "Was there anything you would like to say to the court Mister Favreau?"

"Yes, I was wrong, I wasted the king's time, and for that I'm heartily sorry."

"Very good," said Marlon, "Does anyone have anything they'd like to add?" Octavia cleared her throat and Marlon said, "Yes your majesty?"

"He did try to kill your father," said the Queen.

"Ah, yes, that unpleasantness. Mister Favreau we caught Vanni Balboni, a cook in our kitchen who was a coworker of yours in Spatz Mountain. He served the king a special dish at the wedding of his daughter and her twin brother. It was laced with... what was it again?"

Octavia took a sheet of paper and read off, "essence of thaumatide with octiron shavings."

"Yes," said Marlon, "essence of thaumatide is a pretty potent poison for any magical user, it reverses the magic spell on them, and octiron would have killed the queen if he shared the dish with her. Both poisons would have gotten past any food taster, isn't that right Mister Favreau?" Favreau remained stone faced and Marlon continued. "Luckily Vanni Balboni is a horrible cook, and the king discarded the dish after a small taste before anyone else could try it."

"That's horrible! But I fail to see how that involves me, I was in prison."

"Yes, you intentionally forced the king to put you in prison so you would have an alibi. We spoke with hiring secretary for the palace, and you convinced him to hire mister Balboni using the name of... oh what was it..."

"Hyrum Clagwell," came a voice from under his throne.

"Right! Somebody named Hyrum Clagwell that nobody remembers meeting was the dazzling reference for Mr. Balboni and suggested him for the kitchen, we checked with the palace hiring offices and the imaginary Hyrum Clagwell doesn't seem to exist... so we're going to hold you over for trial with Mister Balboni." Marlon tapped the table with his gavel. "Right, before Mister Favreau is returned to prison is there anything else?"

Queen Octavia cleared her throat again.

"Your majesty?" asked Marlon, trying to act annoyed.

"He kidnapped your little brother," she said.

Marlon sighed. "Ah yes... let me see..." he shuffled through some papers then read, "After the marriage of Prince and Princess Worblehat-Stein to officers Pants and Crookshank, your friend Mister Vanni Balboni and two of his friends that worked for you in Spatz Mountain waited in the Meditation Garden for..." he looked at the back of the page and was genuinely surprised. "...they waited for me, but instead grabbed Prince Exavier Abraam Worblehat-Stein and transported him against his will to a farm in the Barony of Spatz Mountain where you were going to execute him if Spatz Mountain wasn't given their independence."

Gasps filled the room and Favreau fought against the guards that held him. "I had nothing to do with that!" shouted Favreau.

"Vinni Balboni and Tobias Eide, the secretary to the Reverand Ravenwood Thorndyke of the Cult of the Vengeful Turtle disagree," said Marlon. "They informed Mister Morose how you were the architect of these plots."

Then a voice under his chair added a bit more information, "You intentionally forced the king to put you in prison so you would have a cover, then when you were talking to Ivo Stein you mentioned that you were going to see an execution when you got out. At the time you thought it was going to be Marlon Worblehat-Stein's execution."

"I did not! He lies!"

"Dogs don't lie," said Marlon.

"Damn straight!" said the voice again.

"Ok, if there's nothing else..." but Octavia cleared her throat. "Your majesty?"

"My youngest son recently fell in love with a darling girl, she's right over there." Queen Octavia pointed to Finella who was sitting among the royal grandmothers behind Exavier's seat at the meeting table. "Mister Favreau bribed a guard to murder her."

Now gasps of outrage and shouts of "Off with his head!" filled the throne room.

"I will do it all again if that's what it takes to free Spatz Mountain!" Favreau shouted, dropping all pretenses of innocence.

"My dear Mister Favreau, Spatz Mountain is free, it is much freer and safer for the people of Spatz Mountain than when you were Chimo Vivas's hired fist enforcing his wicked rule," snapped Queen Octavia.

Marlon shook his head and said, "get him out of here, Mister Morose would like to have a few words with him." He looked over and saw Grandmas Jutta and Catrin along with his wife Annette clustered around Finella. "That's my future sister-in-law," he said to the crowd, "isn't she cute? I can't believe anyone would want to murder her." Exavier had to turn around to see Finella and when he did, he saw her in the dress that the queen modified for her, she looked incredible! She blew him a kiss and he turned around to deal with the meeting.

"Sire! Your Majesty! May I say a word?" it was Rasel Devi, the Spatz Mountain security man that Nick knighted on the battlefield.

"Sir Rasel, you are a knight of the realm, you are free to speak at these gatherings. What say you?"

"Your majesty, these are Spatz Mountain separatists, they were thugs and bullies that beat our citizens and took their money under Chimo Vivas. You saved us from their likes, and I would like to do anything I can do to put a noose around their necks." The aging knight was applauded by the viewers.

"They killed his wife," muttered the voice under Marlon's chair.

Octavia gasped when she heard that. She rose and walked up to the audience where Rasel Devi was standing. She took the aging knight's hand in hers and said, "Sir Rasel, I swear that we will hunt down your wife's killers and bring them to justice."

"Your majesty, that was before Lancre rule..."

"I don't care, you are now Lancre, and you are one of my knights. No one treats the knights of Lancre like that." She kissed his hand, patted his cheek, and smiled gently at him.

"Yes milady, thank you milady."

"Stay, we will talk later," she said and returned to her seat.

As she sat down Marlon called out, "Maisie MacGregor? Is Lady MacGregor here?"

"Aye, your majesty," called a small round woman in the audience.

"You are the Deputy Prime Minister. Please join the King's court," and Marlon gestured to an open seat at the table. Maisie approached the court and took the seat that Favreau usually sat in, his shrieks of outrage could still be heard as he was dragged down a corridor. Marlon made introductions around the table. "The king will officially welcome you, and the members of parliament and the House of Lords have been notified that Mister Favreau will no longer be allowed to address the court."

Marlon did a good job running the court meeting, with prodding and hints from Octavia. Exavier gave his portion of the meeting perfectly and included research on his own part. Finally, Marlon called the meeting closed and the court gathered around him and patted his back, congratulating him on his first Court meeting. "I foresee many more in the future," said Lord Baltimore.

"Now we need to get you ready for open court on Octday," said Octavia as they headed back to the tower to check on Nick.

"I'm going to ask that you handle that," said Marlon. "Octday is my day with open court in Wægn too."

"We are still under recall," she said.

"I'll leave Annette and Corina here, but I owe this to my people, it's their day."

Octavia looked at Marlon, so much like his father, from the "to hell with it all, I'm doing it my way" attitude to the desire to make life better for his people. He's even started a beard just like Nick's.

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Nick was brought out of his sleep three times a day to drink some water and eat some broth. They walked him around the room and to the toilet, then as the pain built up, he was put back under. The witches of Lancre conferred and came to an agreement that this treatment should not last longer than ten days, after that it could cause addiction to the azoth that was keeping him asleep.

Ning never left his side; another bed was moved into the room for her and Octavia when Octavia wasn't representing the crown. At night they lay together and held each other, terrified that they had lost Nick, but as he began to recover, they held each other with more and more joy and excitement. Occasionally they would quietly make love, not celebrating but filling the need to love Nick through a lover of Nick's.

Finally after what seemed like a year but was only a week, Lou and Marti along with Loo-Loo and Reziko stepped out of the King's Personal Library having returned from the other side of the world via L-Space and Ning and Octavia were there to meet them. "Mom!" cried Loo-Loo and she threw her arms around the queen, "Uncle Bruce sent a present just for you!" and she handed Octavia a twenty-four ounce can of beer. "He calls it a two pounder!" But Octavia's sad response killed their joy at returning, "Mom? What's wrong?"

Finally, for the first time in a week Octavia let it out, "They tried to kill your father, they tried to kidnap Marlon but took Exie instead, then they tried to kill his girlfriend up here on the seventh floor!" She didn't know whose arms to collapse into, Ning's or Loo-Loo's, so she chose both. The three women held each other, and Octavia cried her eyes out. Ning soon joined in even though she's been crying for eight days straight.

"Girlfriend? Exie has a girl friend?"

Octavia sniffed a few times and said, "she's down in the college, she teaches music."

"Dad must love her," said Lou who is barely passable on the dulcimer.

"He hasn't met her yet."

"Mom, where's Exie and Marlon?"

"At the stables, they're getting ready to..." whatever she said was drown out by Rezzi kissing his wife goodbye, grabbing his backpack and racing off down the stairs.

"He's like his father-in-law," moaned Loo-Loo.

Down at the stables several Lancre Watch riders and twenty Warwickshire Knights were gathered around several freight wagons and a carriage that contained several packs and a small dog. Marlon's horse Trixie was giving a handler a hard time, she only lets a certain few people ride her, and Exavier wasn't one of them. Reziko appeared out of the castle, took Trixi's bridal, and calmed her down almost immediately. "I'll take this one," said Reziko in a soothing voice. "She wants to go but she doesn't know you and she's scared."

"Do you speak with horses?" asked Exie.

"Now I do, I guess."

"She's a war horse, she wants a warrior to ride her," said Juju from the wagon.

"Now you speak horse too?" asked Exie.

"Doesn't everyone?" asked Juju. "Let's get going, I want to go for a ride."

They found Exie another horse, and Rezzi said, "I'm not happy about you going."

"Hey, you're in charge of palace security, I'm not happy about you going either," said Exie not sure how hard he could push back on his Brother-In-Law.

"All of this happened in my palace, I'm going to clean up the mess." He swung up on Trixie's saddle and the mare reared in excitement. "Let's go."

"DO NOT BREAK MY HORSE!" shouted Marlon.

"Bugler! Sound forward!" called Sir Lester Redbone, the commander of the knights. The bugler played a short bugle call that got all knights moving forward. Ten mounted watch officers and twenty knights rode in two columns and headed out of the portcullis, turned and headed for the tunnel.

Just then Lou dashed out of the palace and started to head for the stable. "Hold up little brother," said Marlon as he grabbed Lou's arm.

"I want to go!"

"We must stay. I'm the heir to the throne, and you're the heir to the duchy, I'm the heir, you're the spare, we must stay here and healthy. Exie is expendable."

That remark was answered with a resounding slap on the arm from a tall brunette with glowing hazel eyes. "MY Exie is not expendable!"

Pretending he didn't feel it Marlon said, "Lou, this is the newest member of the family. Finella, this is your future brother-in-law Llywellyn." As they watched, the last wagon disappeared into the mountain tunnel and the Tunnel Guard closed the iron gate.

They were met at the other end of the tunnel by the head of Lancre Security, Preston Prescott, who handed Exie a guidon. "Here, make yourself useful," he said as he hooked a guidon holster on Exie's stirrup.

"Thank you, Uncle Preston," said Exie like he used to as a child. The guidon was a tall poll with a blue, red and silver pennant flying from it. In silver letters on a blue field it said 1st Lancre Corps, it was bordered in red.

"Your Aunt Annabelle made it. Make us proud!"

"Aye aye, yer grace!" and Exie set the butt of the guidon pole into the guidon holster and ten more watch officers joined the troop.

"You know the route," said Sir Lester Redbone, "I guess you're the guide."

"I know a shortcut," Exie said proudly. "A misspent youth made sure of that." and he led the troop up Main Street in Creel Springs for a bit then they turned up Nanny Partridge's Driveway. "We're going to be climbing for a long time," said Exie. "There's plenty of water for the men and horses on this route."

Soon they were passing the guard shack, Eryri and Axemir were not there, instead a Lancre Watch officer was living there to keep guard on Mark and Hollie. As they passed the cottage which grew a second floor with the birth of John Nicholas, Mark and Hollie came out and watched the troop pass.

"I know you want to join up," said Hollie softly, "but I need you with me."

"Don't worry," He pulled the blanket aside on the bundle in his arm and looked at John's tiny face. "I'm not going anywhere."

As the woods closed around them the horses began clip-clopping on cobblestones. "How far is this road paved?" asked Sir Lester.

"All the way to the mines that are just a few miles from Tackle Creek."

"This road isn't on any map!" said a knight behind Sir Lester.

"No, and the queen wants it kept that way. There's a lot of dark magic here," said Exie. "I don't have much magic, but I can feel it, and it will get stronger as we go. Tell your men to stay on the road, do not wander off."

"This is incredible," said Rezzi as the forest grew dark and covered them.

"If you turn down that road to the right, you'll end up at mom's favorite place," said Exie pointing to the right.

"The castle?" asked Rezzi. Reziko has been to the elven redoubt that they call the castle, but he only got there through L-Space.

"No, the hot springs. We love them. Mom was able to make a side door to the castle so we could walk down to the hot springs."

"Loo-Loo never showed me the hot springs."

"Of course not, she didn't trust herself naked with you."

"Another naked place?" Reziko rolled his eyes, what was with this family and taking clothes off?

"Just like the swimming pond in the castle," said Exie, "we don't want to dirty the water with our laundry." The pond and underground garden were something that Rezzi never saw either. Nick and Octavia always considered the castle secure enough not to require guards, so the family went there to relax in private. The only watch officers that have seen the underground pond are Preston and Annabelle Prescott and Mark Ivers. "Hollie was born next to the pond; she and Mark go up there a lot."

They continued and the road continued to rise. It was mostly straight, but on very steep parts it would rise diagonally. "You would toboggan down this hill?" asked Rezzi.

"Never from this high, but our record was a toboggan run that was over two miles long. We ended at the pub in the village."

"It sounds like a wonderful life."

"It was idyllic. I only wish my kids could have some of that. I need a farm to work on with them. That's the key to appreciating the good times, lots of monotonous work with a family you love." Eventually they came to a well-marked intersection. Well, it was well marked if you were and ancient dwarven miner. Exie couldn't read the signs, but Axemir told him what they meant. It says ahead is the keep, to the right beware, and to the left is danger."

"Have you ever gone to the left?"

"My parents told all of us never go to the left," said Exie.

"What did you find down there?" asked Rezzi.

"Bears. Mountain lions. Wolverines. The usual. To the right however is the entrance to the castle. Only dad and Marlon can open the door."

As they proceeded through the intersection Exie called out, "I am a friend of Star Blossom of the Meditation Garden!" Soon a fairy fluttered before him. She was beautiful with long brunette hair, large, weightless breasts, and round hips that made Exie wish he were five feet shorter.

"I am Queen Twirlmint Oakspark. Are you the prince named after two lost boys."

"I am, your highness. We request permission to cross your land, we wish to avenge an attack on the king."

"The King Who Befriends the Turtle?" asked the fairy.

"Yes, people on the far mountain tried to kill him, we want to bring them to justice."

"No shit?" asked the fairy in shock. {Yes, even fairies swear. No shit and Oh shit are universal expressions around the multiverse.}

"Yes, a week ago. He was poisoned, but he is recovering."

"I always liked him, tell him to visit, tell him that Twirlmint misses him. Please pass, we will be waiting for your return."

"Thank you, your majesty," said Exavier and they continued hubward toward Spatz Mountain.

"What would they have done if you didn't ask permission?" asked Reziko in a whisper.

"What could they have done? They're only four inches tall. That doesn't mean we ignore them. We show them respect and in return they show us respect, and hopefully they'll light our way."

Once it leveled out the road seemed to go on forever, but there were ancient stone bridges over deep ravines and tunnels to keep the path almost level. A couple of times the road went behind tall waterfalls. As the sun set the path got dark and fairies lined the road to guide the way. The night was black as ink, if it wasn't for the fairies, they would have lost many troopers, and as they passed the fairies, one by one the fairies would land on a soldier's shoulder and enjoy the ride.

As the sun came up, the troop was fording the Gjorgiev River under the watchful eye of Axemir Stronginthehead who sent a clacks message to Lancre Castle that their troops crossed the river successfully. Tackle Creek was two miles away.

<><><><><>

"Fellow travelers on the back of the Vengeful Turtle, keep in mind that the Turtle watches you, the Turtle knows what you are thinking, and the Turtle will have his vengeance!" The Most Reverand Ravenwood Thorndyke was on a roll, since the prince and his daughter disappeared and several gang members were rounded up, it's been quiet. They obviously got away with... there he was! The brat was walking up the center aisle of his temple. He was wearing the uniform of Lancre royalty, showing off his imperial designs. "What do you want young man?"

Exie dropped to one knee. "I come to ask for the hand of Finella Thorndyke in marriage. We will, of course, wait until she is eighteen but..."

"NEVER!" shrieked Reverand Thorndyke. "MY DAUGHTER MARRY GUTTER RAT SPAWN?!? I will never allow you to touch my daughter."

"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to her father, the guy next to you, Deacon Unger."

Reverand Thorndyke glared at Deacon Unger in pure hatred. "Get out of my temple," snarled the Reverand to Deacon Unger. "And take that sniveling gutter rat spawn with you."

"Wait... wait... relax fellas," chuckled Exavier. "Do you think you can leave? Look outside. This entire temple is surrounded by knights of the realm." Exavier stood and turned to the congregation. "I am Prince Exavier Abraam Worblehat-Stein. My father is the King of Lancre, and my mother is a wizard so powerful she could cast all of Spatz Mountain into space. The ONLY thing keeping her calm right now is my fiancé Finella Thorndyke. You need to step outside, and you will be asked one simple question by some big scary looking men then you can be on your way. I and my men will stay inside to insure that Reverand Thorndyke doesn't set the building on fire or something."

As he said that fifteen Lancre Watch constables that were sitting randomly among the congregation rose and removed their overcoats showing their uniforms.

"Please exit orderly, single file!" called Reziko. "Step up to the carriage and answer the man's question."

The people found themselves standing in front of a knight in riding armor who asked, "Yes or No, did you partake in any anti-government action?" and one by one the people said "No." and the little dog on the carriage would either say, "Bark!" or it said "Liar!" No one quite noticed that because dogs can't talk but about twenty people out of the eighty were retained and the rest were allowed to leave.

Exavier and Reziko escorted the Reverand Thorndyke and his airhead wife along with Deacon Unger out and all three said no, but only Mrs. Thorndyke was allowed to leave, the reverend and the deacon were bound and put in the carriage as the wagons they brought were now full of suspects. "Deacon Unger, are you really Finella's father?"

"No! Of course not!" he demanded.

"Liar," muttered Juju under the carriage seat.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

When Nick was brought out of the induced slumber for the last time, Octavia and Ning helped Nick sit up and he saw that the room was full of family. Everyone was there, from grandmas Jutta, Catrin, and Maggy down to little Corina and Pommy, with everyone in between included. He also saw Reziko and Marti. "Lou? Loo-Loo? You came back early?" he said weakly. "I gave you a full week. Leave! Go enjoy yourselves."

"We didn't comeback early daddy, we were gone a whole week. They didn't tell us anything," said Loo-Loo. "Here, I brought you a present from Bruce Dinkum." She handed her father a stuffed Dingaroo.

The king studied the plush stuffed monster of his nightmares. Before he could say anything, another gift was proffered. "I brought a souvenir for you from Emperor Jia," said Marti, "he said you would love it!" and she handed Nick a Dingaroo made of gold.

"I should have known better than to introduce those two," Nick groaned. As the kids told him of their vacation Octavia and Ning propped pillows behind him so he could sit up and before he knew it he was holding a tiny one week old baby.

"She's beautiful," whispered Nick.

"She's a he," said Hollie, rolling her eyes. "Sorry, I forgot what the difference between XX and XY was."

"What?" asked Mark who was holding little Pommy up so he wouldn't pounce on 'King Grandpa.'

"It's witchy stuff," said Nick. "It doesn't matter, as long as he's healthy. What's his name?"

"We named him after both of our fathers," said Mark. "John Nicholas."

Nick was about to correct him, then he laughed and said, "Good enough, Pommy and Nick, you have both sides of me now."

"What about Verence?" asked Marti.

"That's my stage name... Where's blondie? Is she ok?

Annette stepped forward; her tummy ballooned out. Nick held her hand and did a witch's scan, she was in perfect health, so were the babies. Babies? Twins? Nick glanced at Holly who gently touched a finger to her lips, she never told them. She's using the surprise as payback for some slight she perceived in the past. "How are you feeling honey?"

"I feel like I'm carrying an Olliphont!" the once tiny blond complained. It was the same thing that Octavia said when she was carrying twins.

"Go sit down honey," Nick said as Annette kissed his cheek and disappeared into the background.

He saw Juju at the foot of the bed, curled up into a furry donut shape, and a small trunk from a small mammoth peered over edge of the bed. "Hello Moxie," he said as he petted the trunk. "Thank you old friend," Nick said to the young dog. "I know you were faithful."

"If you only knew," muttered Juju, but his tail wagged, nonetheless.

Nick turned to say something to Octavia, and something caught his eye. "Wait a minute, who is that?" and he pointed at Finella.

Exavier stepped forward with Finella and stood at attention, a sure sign that he knew he caused some trouble. "Dad, this is Finella Thorndyke, we met on the day you were poisoned. We, um... we enchanted each other."

"We did, sire," said Finella. "He's so sweet, I couldn't let him go."

Nick looked at the two and said, "I hope you did the right thing."

"I just asked her father for her hand in marriage yesterday," said Exie.

"Good. Was he happy?"

"Um, no. In fact, he didn't answer." Then Exie started to blush, "he's in the dungeon right now thinking about it."

When Nick looked shocked Finella said, "He tried to kill you... sorry."

"Ok, enough!" Ning almost shouted. "Everyone out. The king is resting, let's let him build up his strength."

After the family trooped out with kisses and gentle pats, Nick asked, "I was poisoned?"

"Thaumatide and Octiron," said the Royal Witch Matilda Potts.

"Thaumatide isn't fatal," said Nick.

"Normally no, it just reverses your latest spell. Not a lot of people turn into another animal so the effects of thaumatide on a therianthrope were unknown, until your unfortunate poisoning. You magically turned into a random eagle and the thaumatide tried to magically turn an eagle into a random person. You were lucky to survive... not counting the hundred-foot drop.

"Thank you, Matilda, you're a rock."

"I don't know what that means, is it good?"

"It's good," assured Octavia.

"Time did most of the work," said Matilda as she stepped out of the room.

"I know, she told me," muttered Nick.

"You met time?" Octavia asked him.

"We had a talk recently. What is going on with Exie, Gwen, and Time?"

"It appears that Exie and Gwen can make a bubble around themselves which for them stops time outside of that bubble. There's a poor cop in Spatz Mountain whose nerves are shattered thanks to Exie trying to get a ride with him."

"Oh gosh," sighed Nick, "I can just picture it." He looked at Ning and held a hand to her. "Come here honey." With a joyful grin Ning climbed on the bed and snuggled up with Nick, "I could feel you the whole time, you never left my side. Thank you darling, I'm never going to leave yours."

Then he turned to Octavia. "Come here sweetness." When Octavia was snuggled close, he said, "You ran the kingdom, didn't you. And you kept the kids from going crazy and the guards from killing every stranger... Thank you, I'm going to find a way to repay all the kindness and hard work..."

A few moments later Catrin and Jutta peeked into the room to find Ning, Octavia and Nick fast asleep. They wanted to do some knitting but their rocking chairs and knitting bags were in the bedroom. The mothers looked at each other and sat down and started knitting while the thruple on the bed slept.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Octdays, the first day of the business week on the Discworld calendar, was a free-for-all in the throne room, the king allowed any petitioner to speak their case in the throne room and if he could eloquently state his case Nick would give it a fair hearing. Octavia had a different view on palace etiquette than Nick so if the proffered idea or complaint was ridiculous, she would have the petitioner leave under armed guard, or she would put them to work in the stables for wasting her time. Occasionally she got the "I just wanted to say we think you're doing a great job," and occasionally she got a bouquet of roses, but Lancerians on the whole would rather that whoever was on the throne just get on with being the king or queen and leave them alone.

She could see that there were about a dozen people waiting to speak to her. "The Committee for a Free Spatz Mountain," announced Harold. Octavia gave him the Regal Nod indicating that she was ready for them. The group looked like a tough bunch, these were the guys who showed up at the mad scientist's keep with pitch forks and torches as the mad scientist was finishing his experiment {Reanimating dead turtles was all the rage in the mad science community. They're never successful but they do make a great pot of turtle soup later}

Octavia made a hand signal, and the guards took a ready position, a few drew their swords. Tension filled the air. The group neared the triple throne of Lancre, Octavia was occupying the center throne and she started to look tiny. Two guards stopped the group, with outheld arms. "What would you like to say?" asked Octavia as if addressing a recalcitrant child.

"Your majesty," said a large man. He looked like a brawler, someone who beat up small men for a living. "We heard about the attack on the king and the royal prince. We need you to understand that groups like ours are angry and upset that someone from Spatz Mountain would do something like this..."

As he spoke, Nick hobbled into the throne room using Virga as a crutch. The man continued. "When Chimo Vivas was overthrown that was it, Spatz Mountain was free and groups like ours held on as social clubs. The Committee for a Free Spatz Mountain is a lawn bowling league now and we just want to apologize for the actions of a few malcontents."

"You came all that way to say that?"

"Not exactly. The men that caused this were real bastards. We come to watch them hang."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Because the king was a victim, by Lancre law the only part he could take in the trial was witness. In his stead the trials were adjudicated by Duke Lolar Hampton, the Duke of Warwickshire and the Exchequer of Lancre. The trial of Burleigh Skeates, the idiot guard who tried to kill Finella was quick thanks to the iconograph that Exavier took of him committing the crime, but he saved his neck by agreeing to testify against Vanni Balboni and Jean-Baptiste Favreau.

The trials of Vanni Balboni and Jean Baptiste Favreau were huge affairs, out front of the palace was C.M.O.T. Poppendocker himself selling his specialized Banged Grains. He came all the way from Ankh-Morpork for the opportunity to call out loud and clear, "Ten pence a bag and that's cutting me own throat!" Cold drinks were served by the children of King's College, all donations were going to their annual clothing drive {Hey! Kids grow! Who woulda thunk it?} No lawyer in Lancre, including the outer baronies, would defend the two, so an intern Barry Shyster, from the law firm of Igor, Igor, and von Snivellwitz was sent down from Überwald to defend the two.

"Mister Balboni, do you have an opening statement?" asked Duke Hampton.

"Yes yer honor," said Vanni. He stood, cleared his throat, sniffed, took a sip of water, looked through the ten pages of handwritten notes then said, "I didn't do shit," and he sat down. His defense attorney was caught off guard and he rose.

"Your honor, I move that a transcript of his statement be entered into evidence."

Lolar Hampton gave the lawyer an exhausted look. "Planning on changing your plea to innocent by reason of stupidity? Sit down Mister Shyster." The trial went downhill from there for both Balboni and Favreau, but the sales of banged grains and lemonade were never hotter. The college may finally get school uniforms!

The defense attorney Barry Shyster wasn't incompetent, he was defending two men who plotted against the throne and committed kidnapping, attempted murder, regicide, and insurrection, and the evidence was stacked against them. However, he did get the prosecutor, Prince Marlon, removed for cause and the defense was given a choice for anyone on the court. "We'll take the dwarf," said Barry.

Lolar spotted Eryri and said, "Lady Stronginthehead, will you stand as Crown Prosecutor and fairly try the accused."

Eryri was sitting in the audience watching, maybe this was providence, years ago she was blackmailed into a plot to sell Nick into slavery, she knows how that side of the coin feels. "I will, your honor."

"Please step forward and be sworn in."

Barry was shocked, Lady? This was a guy; he had a beard! He was holding something against his chest under his beard, but it was a guy... until after the dwarf was sworn in, he turned to another dwarf in the audience and took a baby out from under her beard and handed it to the other dwarf. "She's full, but she probably needs changing."

"Ok dear, good luck!" and they kissed! Barry was completely in shock, he's never seen an openly female dwarf in his life, and he lived among dwarves in Überwald. For her part Eryri was ready, she had studied every bit of evidence and talked to the investigators. She owed Octavia with interest; she shot Nick out of the sky allowing him to be sold to the mad emperor of the Agatean Empire. Eryri was going to work overtime to pay back that debt.

"Prosecution call your first witness," called Lolar Hampton.

"I call Maxie Leadbelly to the stand." Maxie was a nearly spherical dwarf with a long red beard but the hair on his head was shaved with a strip of hair that stood up running from left ear to right ear becoming sideburns. {This fashion was called the Ptaculsp after the Djelibeybian pyramid builder. To the 'hip' it's considered awesome and fashionable, but on a nearly perfectly round dwarf it looks like the handle on a kettlebell}

"Documents from your business show that on the date in question you sold 5 grams of Essence of Thaumatide and three grams of Powdered Octiron to the defendants Vanni Balboni and Jean Baptiste Favreau at your joke and magic shop in Schmaltzberg, Überwald. The essence of Thaumatide is a highly dangerous substance and the most you are allowed to keep on your premises was 2.5 grams. Why did you sell him such a large amount?"

"To get it out of my shop. He wanted five grams, and I only had 2.5 grams in stock. I had to order another 2.5 grams for him. It is dangerous to handle and can backfire on magicians, witches and wizards if they don't clean every grain up... Mr. Favreau said he was going to donate it to the Unseen University for them to study so I practically gave it to him."

"How rare is Thaumatide?"

"Aww, I'd have to be a alchemist to give you an accurate assessment on that."

"From your background as a shop keeper how rare would you say it is?"

"Fucking rare."

The entire court gasped but Eryri said, "Your honor, that is a statement of assessment that is commonly in use in Überwald."

"I'll allow it, but will the witness warn us next time that Überwald slang will be used?"

<><><><><>

"The prosecution calls Witch Matilda Potts..." After Matilda was sworn in, Eryri asked, "what effect did the Thaumatide have on the king?"

Matilda suddenly looked very old. She was the senior witch in Lancre and Hollie's hero now that Agness Dempsey and Nanny Ogg have retired {Agness Dempsey is living in the palace and teaches herbology and witchcraft to the college students} Matilda, Hollie and Loretta Spoonshaver were the most powerful witches in the kingdom currently. Matilda cleared her throat and said, "Essence of Thaumatide merely reverses a magic users spell. In the king's case his spell changed him from King Verence III to a random Lancre eagle. The Essence of Thaumatide attempted to change a Lancre Eagle into a random person."

"Was that painful?"

"Excruciating. Our dungeon does not have a torture to equal it. The king told me of the pain that he experienced, and his words keep me up nights."

Eryri chose not to ask her what the king said, it will be more powerful when the King says it himself. "Did the king mention why he changed into an eagle?"

Matilda shifted uncomfortably and said, "He told me he saw what he thought was a building burning and he wanted to go make sure nobody was hurt."

<><><><><>

"Mister Snyder, you have been sworn in, let me advise you that the penalty for lying under oath is the same as lying to the king," said Eryri.

"Beheading?" asked the timid little man. Jancsi Snyder made scrawny Ivo Stein look menacing.

"If you're lucky. Where were you near sunset on the day in question."

"I had stepped out of my house, the old warehouse across the street was on fire."

"Did you see who started it?" asked Eryri.

"No ma'am.

"Did you see anyone out of the ordinary in the vicinity of the warehouse?" Eryri asked.

I saw a fellow watching the fire holding a can of lamp oil and a box of matches. He was watching the fire, but he kept glancing at the palace."

"Could you identify that man if you saw him again?"

"Yes ma'am, he looked right at me and said, "This should get that gutter rat's attention."

"Mister Snyder is he in this throne room?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Could you point him out please?" The whole audience gasped when he pointed at Vanni Balboni.

"ORDER!" shouted Lolar as he banged his gavel. "I'll have no unbridled gasping in my court! We will take a ten-minute recess for banged grains and lemonade."

<><><><><>

"Alpin Kovats, what do you do in the palace?"

"I'm a cook, ma'am. The queen calls me her personal chef," he said answering Eryri's question.

"The queen has a personal chef?"

"No ma'am, it's a joke between us. On Sundays when the whole family gathers for dinner, the queen joins us in the kitchen cooking for her family. It makes her happy. We joke around and I made a gooseberry tart that she loved, and she named me her personal chef."

Eryri pretended to be surprised. "Are you saying that the queen, with all these servants in the castle, still cooks for her six children and their wives and husbands and their children?"

"Yes ma'am, she loves it."

The whole audience said, "Awwww..." then stopped suddenly remembering the judge's tirade on gasping.

"I'll allow it," he said and the "aww" continued.

"Who was working with you on the day in question?" Eryri continued.

"It was quite busy, along with the royal family and King's College there were wedding guests. I was teamed with Vanni Balboni."

"Did you notice him doing something unusual?"

"Yes ma'am, he made a single cupcake and said it was for the king."

"That was sweet, what was so unusual about that?"

"I watched him put stuff in the batter. I found the packages later and it was Powdered Octiron and that Thaumatide stuff."

"The prosecution would like to enter the packages that Vanni Balboni left in the kitchen as evidence," said Eryri holding up two envelopes that alchemists put small amounts of powdered ingredients in.

"So entered," said Lolar. "Continue Mister Kovats."

Alpin nodded to Duke Hampton and said, "I tasted a tiny bit of it, and it was horrible! I warned him about the taste and he said, 'the king will get a kick out of it.'"

<><><><><>

"The prosecution calls Queen Octavia of Lancre." Octavia stepped up to the witness chair and raised her hand as Eryri asked "Do you affirm that what you are about to say is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you any god that happens to be watching?"

"I do," and Octavia sat with regal grace. The audience sighed, their queen was so beautiful, so queenly. Her gown was mostly white, making the mother of six appear almost virginal. Her beautiful, glossy black tresses cascaded over her shoulders and framed a cleavage that caused extra sighs from the men and lesbians in the crowd.

"Your majesty, do you know the defendant?"

Octavia looked at Vanni Balboni and nodded. "Yes, he works in the kitchens. We hired him when he was laid off on Hogswatch. I later discovered that he did not have a wife and four children to feed like he told us when he came looking for a job."

"Did you see Mister Balboni on the day of the dual weddings?"

"Yes, after the ceremonies were over and the kids headed out on their honeymoons Mister Balboni came up to us in the Meditation Garden and offered the king a cupcake."

"And did the king eat it?"

"He took a little nibble to be polite and said it tasted incredibly bitter and metallic, but the frosting was nice."

"What did you do with that cupcake?"

"There was no trash receptacle, so I set it on a work shelf in the vegetable area of the garden. When the king fell and we called for witches, I gave a witch the cupcake and she said that it was full of Essance of Thaumatide and Octiron."

"The prosecution would like to enter the cupcake in question into evidence, and a forensic report from the Ankh-Morpork Watch crime laboratories showing high traces of octiron and essence of thaumatide," said Eryri holding the items up.

"I'll allow it," said Judge Lolar Hampton. "Continue."

"Just some random witch?" asked Eryri slyly.

"It was Agnes Dempsy." {Agness is discworld renown for her knowledge and skills. She was an alchemist before becoming a witch, she only left alchemy because the constant explosions gave her a headache}

<><><><><>

"Do you have any more witnesses to call Mrs. Stronginthehead?"

"Just one, I call King Verence III."

Nick slowly made his way to the witness stand with the assistance of Marlon and Reziko. Painfully he eased down into the seat and his scepter, Virga, stood behind him and kept an eye on the crowd while Juju lay down beneath him. The audience was shocked, their once vital and cheerful king was obviously in great pain, his beard was snow white, his eyes were hollow from the pain.

It was near the end of the day, and it was standing room only in the throne room. They're going to take all night to sweep up spilled banged grains and mop up spilled lemonade. Eryri only asked one question. "Please tell the judge and jury what it felt like when you tried to change into an eagle."

"I did change into an eagle successfully; I flew off the apartment balcony toward the fire and I was concentrating on the fire because it was big, and I was worried if people were hurt. My future son-in-law lost his parents in a fire, so I remain conscious about that. Everything felt normal and I was climbing away from the castle. When I was about a hundred, maybe a hundred and fifty feet up, I turned toward the fire and tried to put on speed.

"Then I felt something, it felt like I was being turned inside out, that something had reached inside of me and was ripping me apart, it felt like every muscle was being ripped from the bone. The pain was more intense than I could have imagined, I tried to change back into the eagle but that just made it worse... I remember seeing the ground rushing up at me and I thought 'Thank the gods it would be over soon,' but I felt my wife catch me and lay me on the ground. I finally returned to my body, but the ripping continued, and I lay on the lawn screaming... it continued as they carried me into the castle... I believe I asked Matilda to kill me." Now sobbing could be heard and the king continued softly, "and that's the last thing I remember."

Except for stifled weeping, the court room was in shocked silence.

"Your witness," said Eryri.

Barry Shyster rose and slowly approached the king. "I'm sorry for your pain, your majesty. Are you sure that you didn't make a mistake when you changed into an eagle."

"Yes."

"Are you sure that you made a mistake, or are you sure that you didn't make a mistake?"

Nick sighed, "I answered the question as you asked it," and he refused to speak any more.

"Can you change into other creatures?"

"Yes."

"What other creatures?" asked Shyster.

"Horse."

"Good, what else?"

"Dragon."

"Ok, anything else?"

"Angry tyrant that executes people on a whim."

Barry gasped with a little squeak then tried to continue. "What I am getting at, your majesty, is it possible that you got confused, that you thought you were changing into an eagle but thought of a horse at the same time."

Nick glared at Barry for what seemed to be hours then definitively said, "No."

Trembling, Barry turned to drink some water and a small voice could be heard from under Nick's chair, "you're scaring the shit out of him."

"Stop reading his mind," whispered Nick.

"That's not reading minds, that's my nose. Some poo came out."

"Thank you," groaned Nick.

Barry turned back to the king and said, "Is it possible that you made an error, and it wasn't the small bit of Essence of Thaumatide that you accidentally ingested?"

"There was no accidental. That tainted food was handed to me by the man who made it."

"Still," said Barry grasping at straws, but he was almost out of straws, "is there a possibility that it wasn't the Thaumadide and was an error on your part?"

"Maybe you should have asked an expert when you had one on the stand."

"I have no more questions."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

"Are you sure that there is no chance for an appeal?" asked Vanni Balboni.

"I'm positive, the jury and judge made that abundantly clear," said Barry Shyster as the hangman fitted a hood over Vanni's head.

"Can you file a stay? Maybe I can be pardoned..." The hangman pulled the noose up tight.

"I highly doubt you have a chance at appeal because you tried to kill the only man that can pardon you."

The next thing that Vanni Balboni knew was that he was standing under the gallows looking at a hooded, hanging body. "That was quick."

"AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE KIDNAPPING TRIAL, OR THE ARSON TRIAL," said the Anthropomorphic personification of Death. "IF YOU DON'T MIND, I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOUR PARTNER."

Just then a door in the floor of the gallows opened and Mr. Jean-Baptiste Favreau fell through and plunged halfway to the ground before his noose stopped his fall.

"That was quick," said the spirit of Mr. Jean-Baptiste Favreau.

"THAT'S WHAT VANNI SAID."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Twelve of the twenty people that were arrested in the Temple of the Vengeful Turtle were found guilty and sentenced to twenty years at hard labor. They were held in the dungeon for a week after their conviction then Stan, the skeletal jailer, walked down the hall where their cells were clustered. "You lucky people! Soon you will be transferred to a new facility in a warm sunny location. You won't have to worry about the snow blowing through your windows and the blanket being stolen by your cell mate. Warm sunny climates! Fresh air! Friendly people! I'm truly jealous of you, I am!"

The next day they were led out of the cells one by one, hand cuffed and loaded into a wagon then ankle cuffed to a metal bar that was bolted down the center of the wagon. These weren't mass murders; they were regular people who attempted to be murderers. This is pretty severe for a first offense, but insurrection and regicide is frowned upon by many courts on the discworld. If there's one thing that Lancerians like is the status quo, even if they don't know what that means. These people upset the apple cart {Lancerians know what that means} so these people must go away.

It took almost an hour to load all the prisoners. The final three were Burleigh Skeats the murderous guard, the Reverand Ravenwood Thorndyke and Finella's real father (probably) Deacon Unger. The two men of the gods emerged from their cell battered and bruised nearly as bad as Nick. This was jailhouse shenanigans, because the hatred between these two is well known yet both men of the gods were put in a cell together. They spent the entire week hitting each other. And their main hobby was beating each other with fists, bowls, spoons, and shoes. They left the bucket alone, that was sacred.

"Where are we going?" demanded the Reverand Ravenwood Thorndyke.

"Somewhere that doesn't appreciate rapists," said a familiar voice. Blinking in the autumn sunshine Reverand Thorndyke recognized Prince Exavier Worblehat Stein, he was accompanied by his brothers Marlon, Mark, Reziko, Llywellyn, and Pavel. All were wearing the colors of the royal family except for Pavel; he was wearing a trainee Watch Constable uniform.

Exie walked straight up to Deacon Unger and punched him in the head as hard as he could. "That's for whoring out your daughter!" Deacon Unger wabbled, then his eyes rolled back, and he sagged to the ground.

"May the Turtle..." the Reverand Ravenwood Thorndyke started a curse, or prayer but whatever he was going to say was interrupted by a solid punch to the head from Exavier.

"That's for the same damn thing you miserable fuck," and the Reverand Ravenwood Thorndyke sagged to the ground. Exie kicked Thorndyke in the ribs about four times until Marlon, Mark, and Rezzi pulled him away.

"What happened to our happy little baby brother?" asked Marlon rhetorically. "Y'know, the one who took everything with a smile?"

"That miserable piece of shit happened," said Exie as he tried to get away from his brothers so he could kick Thorndyke some more. "I was happy in my own personal hell!" the youngest brother shouted as he struggled, "then that fucking guy happened!" The brothers were confused by his remarks, but he was a tough little guy and he fought hard to be let go. Finally, he calmed down and they let him loose, panting he took the heavy brass knuckles off his right hand and gave them back to Reziko. "Thanks. It still hurt."

"You did ok," chuckled Reziko and he ruffled Exie's hair which fell right back in place.

They lifted the two 'men of the gods' onto the wagon and lashed them to the tailgate. Exie showed Reziko how to make a safety check of the wagon and its brakes, then they mounted the sprung bench seat and with a cluck of his tongue and a "Come up mule!" the wagon started to roll with Marlon, Mark, Lou, and Pavel mounted on horses and riding as guards. Because the wagon was uncomfortable for those in the back they decided to take the long way. They don't need to disturb the tunnel guards for this mob.

"Ok, let them do their thing," said Exie, "these are plow mules, they'll pull the castle around if you could hitch them up to it and use the right commands."

"What do I do?" asked Reziko.

"You tell them where to go, 'Gee' for a right turn, 'Haw' for a left turn, 'Ho' or 'Whoa' for stop. Other than that and using the brake that's it."

"You grew up doing this, I have no idea what I'm doing," complained Reziko.

"I'm right here don't worry. Give the right reins a gentle tug and say gee."

"Gee."

"Come on soldier boy, let them know you're here."

"GEE!" and the mules lined themselves up with the bridge across the Lancre river. "That was easy," said Rezzi.

"Ok, hold the reins with your left hand but separate them with your fingers so you know which is which, then grab the brake lever and give it a little brake coming down the other side of the bridge. Great! Now stop at the intersection."

"WHOA!" and they came to a stop with the mules a little bit out into the intersection.

"Not bad. Don't be afraid to use the brake to let the mules know where you want them to stop. Ok this is a ninety degree turn to the left. Here we don't say haw. We say Tiny, but get them moving first."

"Ok," said Reziko nervously. "Here we go. 'COME UP!'" and he gave a snap of the reins and the mules started. "TINY!" and the mules made the hard left turn perfectly. "Wow!" Reziko was amazed. He's never driven a mule or horse drawn carriage or wagon, that's something that happens to other people. Reziko never thought about it, but mule driving is an art.

"Marlon has had these mules since he was a kid," said Exie. "Kaleb and Teddi. They're getting on in years but they can still pull." When the road started into the switchbacks of Breeders Peak Exie took the reins and showed Reziko how to negotiate the hard turns and with Exie's help, Reziko was handling the difficult climb like he was a professional drover. Downhill was similar but now he had to pay attention to the double tree, the hitch the mules pulled against. When it looked like it was pushing the mules, he had to apply the brake.

Exavier loved this trip, not only was he taking the two people he hates the most to a living hell, but he was also getting closer and closer to Reziko. Rezzi treats him like another guy, not like his brothers who have made it their specialty in life to ignore him and turn their back on him if he asks for something. He would have been happy being raised like Rezzi, sword and fighting practice from sunrise to late at night, just to be close to him. With a woman like Finella and a brother like Rezzi, Exie was living heaven on earth. "Exie?" Reziko's voice broke into Exavier's reverie.

"Hmm?"

"You can tell me to go to hell if you want, but what did you mean 'your own personal hell?'"

"Rezzi, I really like you," and Exavier turned to Reziko and for a moment Rezzi saw the years of anguish in Exie's eyes that he had been hiding. "I've never had a friend like you, so, please don't force me to tell you that."

They made it down the mountain with no problems and turned at the Bare Bear Pub and stopped in front of the bookstore. As the brothers on horseback hitched their horses to the hitching post on the pub side of the bookstore, Annabelle Prescott, Duchess of Lancre and Chief of Detectives for the Lancre Watch and just as important - Marlon's mother-in-law, walked over from the Creel Springs Watch house. When she got there she whispered to Marlon, "We have evidence at least one of them was involved in the arson in Lancre Town."

"I suppose we'll worry about it in twenty years if they survive."

"Well then, let's do it," said the tiny blond. They untied Reverand Thorndyke and Deacon Unger but left the gags in their mouths. As the brothers did that, Annabelle began unlocking the ankle cuffs then Reziko and Marlon began to hoist the prisoners off the wagon, then they used the ankle cuffs to link the prisoner's bound wrists behind their backs to the chain around the waist of the prisoner behind them. Lou unlocked the bookstore and Reziko dashed into the bookstore ahead of them.

"Listen up!" said Annabelle. "You were sentenced to twenty years at hard labor. The king in his wisdom has changed the sentence to twenty years of labor. You will be taken to a large sheep farm where you will care for sheep and other livestock. It's a big farm and it's very isolated, but the work is much lighter. You will learn new trades like sheering sheep and carding wool. However, if you try to escape you WILL die. Follow the person ahead of you. Lou?"

"Yes your grace," said Lou, "Let's go!" and he headed into the bookstore followed by thirteen prisoners four brothers and Annabelle. They headed deeper and deeper into the bookstore and if the prisoners thought anything they should have thought that they should have hit the back wall of the store. The shelves soon became bigger, the books larger and nastier. Many were chained to the shelves but still they snapped at the prisoners as they walked by. They emerged into a library reading room. They proceeded through the reading room where people dressed like wizards looked at them sadly as they passed. Reziko stood at the librarian's desk, he had run ahead and informed the librarian that the prisoners were going to come through.

They exited the main door of the library and found themselves on a hot, dusty street, the sun above them was blazing. They were led up the street and stopped in front of a huge hay wagon that was hitched to eight oxen. A small man in a wide brimmed hat and an extremely large man waited for them both men had corks on strings hanging from their hat brims.

As the prisoners came to a stop the six brothers began removing the chains from the prisoners and the little man chimed up. "G'day mates! And a beaut of a day it is! Welcome to Four Ecks, or as we calls it, 'The Land Way Over.' Me name is Bruce Grouse, and oi'm gonna escort you to your new home, Bockschecker Station. This is me mate Bonzer Root, he's gonna make sure if you run, that you come back, one way or another. You're going to be walking funny, but you're gonna come back. Say something sweet to the new folks, Bonzer."

In a deep voice that reflected a room temperature IQ the seven foot tall mound of muscles said, "If oi catchya, oi'm gonna fuck ya."

"An' he will too, roit mate?"

"Oi'm gonna fuck ya," Bonzer was grinning and nodding.

"That's me Bonzer, always ready to crack a fat and bang like a dunny door, with ANYONE." The prisoners had no idea what he was saying but they got the idea that trying to run away was not a good thing for them. They'll get a translation later and a few will chunder at the thought.

The Worblehat-Stein brothers didn't bother to hear the rest of Bruce Grouse's briefing, they heard it all before a couple of weeks ago when they brought the first lot that the poor hapless cop that Exie tortured so bad trying to get a ride dragged in. Most of the intelligence used to prosecute the Temple of the Vengeful Turtle came from that first round of arrests, and those arrests were caused by a small dog listening to the ringleaders thoughts while Ivo Stein sat across the hall and bitched about the Worblehat-Stein family.

The prisoners were soon loaded on the hay wagon which was part of an ox train that was heading into the "out yonder." Once they headed out, the brothers re-entered the library. When the last prisoner stepped through the library door and out onto the street, open beers appeared in front of every studying wizard from the depths of his robes, tap handles screwed back on, and beautiful works of art on the wall were reversed to reveal the beer ads. Others were taken down to reveal magically powered neon beer signs. The stacks of books were taken off the librarian's desk which reverted to its primary purpose as bar. Marlon grasped Annabelle by the waist and hoisted her up onto the bar then the Librarian Bruce Dinkam said, "What'll it be cobber?"

"A round of beer for the house," said Marlon.

"Ahh! Too roit mate!" said Bruce as he started setting up beers for the crowd of 'scholars' that swarmed to his desk.

"I just gotta," said Exie and he grabbed his huge 'tinny' of beer and stepped outside as the prison wagon began to roll. "Hey! Reverand Thorndyke!" he shouted. When Thorndyke looked at him, Exavier raised his beer in salute, "G'day mate!" and then drank the entire beer in one long, delightful swig.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Back in Lancre, as the wagon load of prisoners pulled away from the Palace, Loo-Loo and Gwendolyn took Finella to the King's Private Library on the seventh floor of the castle and logged her as a user of L-Space. "Here," said Gwen and she handed Finella a towel and a terry cloth robe. "You're going to need that."

"In a library?" asked Finella as she followed Gwendolyn, and they turned a corner and she saw that they were in a huge, neat library. "Oh! Ancient Elvish," said the slim brunette as she picked a random volume off the shelf and opened it and looked at the page. She frowned and said, "They were so corny and full of themselves, listen to this: Miks kääbus üle tee läks? Keegi ei tea. Aga tee saab kättemaksu!!" She put the book back on the shelf groaning, "Elves and their racist jokes." Then she noticed that the girls weren't moving. "Where too?" she looked up and both Loo-Loo and Gwen were staring at her with their eyes wide open. {She had read: Why did the dwarf cross the road? Nobody knows. But the road will get revenge!!}

"You read ancient Elvish?"

"Of course, I may be a country bumpkin but I did go to school."

"They taught Ancient Elvish?" asked Gwen.

"Of course," said Finella trying to figure out what the punch line was going to be. "They also offered Old Tsortian, but everyone signed up for that so I was stuck with Ancient Elvish."

"Let's go tell dad. He has a book that he wants translated."

"Sure," Finella shrugged then suddenly Gwendolyn and Llywella began tugging her dress off, and when she tried to stop them they began to tickle her and continued to strip her. When they got her naked, Loo-Loo stopped tickling and Gwen handed her the robe she brought. "Put this on, it's chilly outside.

"What?" but they led her into a long, well-lit corridor that was lined with doors. Most of the doors were open and showed an empty room. Some rooms were outfitted with beds and some of those were quite exotic. There were also comfortable dining rooms and very cosey studies with crackling fires in the fireplace. "What is this place?"

"This is an ancient and magical elven redoubt," said Loo-Loo. "Only dad and Marlon have the magical ability to open the door to get in here but dad added a library that linked to L-Space making a back door to get in, and he made this to step outside." She showed a door that opened to another hallway which had a door at the other end. They led Finella down the hallway and opened the door and she found herself in an autumn forest. "Follow that stream and you'll find mom and dad."

Finella saw a stream that bubbled up at the base of a basalt cliff and splashed its way down the mountain. The stream was boiling hot, steam rose from the surface of the water. She followed a well-trod path next to the stream, her slender bare feet crunching on dark red leaves that had fallen from the white barked sweetwood trees. Shortly the stream splashed into a steaming pool and in there was the king and queen and the Agatean ambassador, about them happily fluttered several fairies. The royal thruple swam and relaxed in the hot water and were completely naked.

Finella turned to leave but Octavia spoke to her without turning around. "Come join us, darling."

"I... I uh... uh..."

"That's ok, we won't look. Ning, turn around. She's shy, she had a different upbringing."

"Come join us," said Nick, "The water is too hot for us to do anything improper."

Nervously Finella took off her robe and hung it on a peg in a three sided shed next to the pond that already had three robes and towels hanging, and eased into the water, it was so hot, but with the frigid mountain air around her, it felt right and refreshing. With a sigh she slid herself into the water up to her chin. Here she was with the king and queen sitting in a big puddle of water rather than a fancy spa. This confused her so much; she was taught that the royalty have so much excess that they only leave their palace to travel to another palace.

"We consider this another palace," said Nick.

"Did I say that out loud?" Finella gasped.

"No, my 'accident' stretched my brain out and now I hear thoughts if they're particularly powerful. I'm trying to shut it down."

"He's putting me out of work," said a small dog that was lying in the leaves next to the small natural pool.

"My last daughter in law," said Octavia as Finella turned toward her.

"You will have as many as me soon!" said a smiling Ning. She turned to Finella and said, "I have three daughters in law."

"How many sons do you have?" asked Finella. "Three?"

"No, just one," said Ning happily as she scratched the King's back with her long nails. Her son Jia has three wives, one wife was an arranged political marriage, one marriage was passionate for deep love, and one marriage was purely for sex, she was a sexual athlete. Thanks to her training, Jia also had a dozen or so regular lovers.

Feeling like everyone was waiting for her to say something, Finella said timidly, "Gwen says I'm supposed to translate a book for you."

"Oh? Which one did she say?" asked Nick.

"I didn't get a look at it, but she showed me where it was. It was sitting on a plinth at the entrance to the library," and she pointed over her shoulder up the hill.

"Vanemate Rasside Jõud?" asked Nick referring to the oldest known bound book on the discworld.

"The power of old cats?" Finella's face was a mask of confusion.

"The Power of the Elder Races!" said Nick.

"Ooohhh, I'm sorry, I thought you said Vanemate Kasside Jõud. Yes, Vanemate Rasside Jõud is a whole different sack of worms. That sounds like ancient Ergonian."

"Yes, that book and this castle are both from the Ergonian Elves. Is that a problem?" asked Nick.

"No, I'm fluent in Ergonian dialects."

Nick looked at Octavia and said, "I'm going to keep her."

"You already have two," said Ning.

"I'm the King."

"She's taken," Octavia said sternly.

"She's terrified," Juju whispered to Nick.

"Don't worry about me little one," said Nick. "I am fully taken and madly in love with my wives. I love my daughters-in-law, but I insist they stick to younger men.

"Wives? I do not remember marrying you," said Ning, rising to her feet, fists on hips, her cute, almost boyish figure fully on display from her tiny breasts to the whisp of black hair between her legs. "Is there someone else?"

Nick thought for a moment and said, "you're right, I'm sorry. I was lazy thinking that a simple enchantment was enough." He turned to Octavia and they touched foreheads then they turned to a still angry Ning. "Darling, we cannot live without you," Nick and Octavia said in unison. "Will you marry us?"

Ning looked confused and surprised, then she realized what was happening and she gasped. "SHI DA!!!" and she threw herself at Nick and Octavia. After a round of excited kisses they started making plans for the big occasion. In the palace here? It's not illegal for a Lancre king to have multiple wives. The Forbidden Palace in Hunghung City? It's not just legal for a sovereign to have multiple wives in the Agatean Empire, it's encouraged. {The thought is that the emperor will be too busy screwing his wives to screw the people. It doesn't work, it's just a thought.} This was different, Nick and Octavia were going to marry Ning and Ning was going to marry Nick and Octavia. This sounded like it called for a Witch's Wedding.

The royal thruple were so tied up in their wedding plans that they didn't notice Finella until Juju coughed. Nick looked at the dog who nodded his head in Finella's direction, the poor girl was in silent tears staring at the surface of the water. With a couple of hand gestures Nick was able to get Ning and Octavia over to Finella where they took her under their wing. None of them noticed Nick exiting the pool and pulling on his robe. He limped up the hill and back into the castle then headed for the library and stepped into L-Space.

"What's the matter darling?" asked Octavia but Finella couldn't bring herself to say it.

"You tell me," said Ning. "I'm your Agatean Auntie." After a moment she softly whispered, "it ok, you can tell me anything. Exie said you were used by your family to get money through sex. I was prostitute also..." But that didn't help until Ning wept, "please talk to me, I'm all alone with self-hate, tell me yours and we will be alone together."

"What? You're beautiful!" said Finella as she sniffed back the tears.

Ning shook her head back and forth. "I was prostitute for the emperor. My family was slaves to the emperor, my little son Jia, a punching bag for the emperor's son. Emperor Shì Hai rape me where babies don't form..."

Finella understood that last part, she was talking about anal rape, something she and Ning have in common. As she held the weeping little woman, she looked at Octavia for something, anything. Octavia sighed and said, "Ning is a member of the Hau Chung family, they were the Emperors of the Agatean Empire for centuries, but they were overthrown by the Shì Pha dynasty. They hired Ning to be a nanny for their brat and to humiliate her. When the Shì Pha emperor Shì Hai killed his wife, he used Ning as a fuck toy and Jia was born, but the emperor died, and his insane son took over." Octavia moved close and ran her fingers through Ning's thick, straight, black hair. "But we fixed it, didn't we honey?"

Ning nodded but didn't look up. "What did you do to fix it?" asked Finella.

Octavia sighed and said, "Nick was flying as an eagle one day and captured and sold to the brat emperor who demanded he turn into a dragon, but he couldn't because he had an octiron ring on his leg. When I was able to locate him, I shot off his foot which allowed him to change to a dragon. He collapsed from lack of food and landed on the emperor crushing him and Nick became the emperor."

"I try to kill..." muttered Ning.

"We know baby, you were under a spell." Then to Finella she said, "Yes, Ning tried to kill Nick, we were trapped in the Agatean throne room and Ning was going to kill us and I was in labor but it all worked out. The point is that we all have had problems and together we work them out. I can use magic to erase your pain, but pain teaches us. We actually need it to grow. What I can do is take the sharp edges off and make it easier to remember the past."

"No," said Finella quickly. She didn't trust magic; she didn't want any in her head.

"It help," nodded Ning.

Octavia ran her fingers through Finella's hair and said, "Do not worry about Exavier hating you. If he hates anyone it's the people who put you through your personal hell. He will wait until the turtle dies if that's how long it takes for you to feel comfortable with him."

When Gwendolyn and Llywella arrived at the springs the three women were sitting close and chatting about something. The girls hung their robes in the shed and eased into the hot pool. "It seems weird out here with no fairies," said Gwen.

Octavia nodded, "They were here earlier but they all moved indoors when your father left. The garden is probably flooded with fairies."

"It is," said Loo-Loo, "it's as crazy as ever." She paused for a few minutes then said, "Dad told us to ask you what the plans are. He didn't say what he was talking about as usual."

Ning, Finella and Octavia looked at each other then Finella reminded them, "The wedding."

"Oh that!" said Octavia. "I was so worried about my new lil' chick," and she hugged Finella.

"Insurmountable problems?" asked Loo-Loo.

"Yep."

"Welcome to the family," said Gwen. "What did you decide."

"Agatea," said Ning. "We'll have the wedding at the court of the emperor."

Loo-Loo and Gwen looked at each other shocked. "What's wrong with Lancre? Why would you choose HungHung City?" she asked Finella.

"That's not for me, that's for these two," said Finella pointing at Ning and Octavia. "They're getting married."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

The wedding ceremony started days before the wedding. First the traditional Agatean exchange of gifts. Nick had the royal jeweler in Hunghung City create beautiful dragon themed necklaces and eagle themed earrings for Ning and Octavia. The excited son of the bride (Emperor Jia) presented Nick, Ning, and Octavia with necklaces featuring a pig for fertility. The necklaces he gave Ning and Octavia were beautiful, fanciful creations that crafted a net of gold on their chests, and Nick's was a heavy, solid, large link chain and all three necklaces had a pig involved in the ornamentation. "A pig?" Nick asked. "These are for Hogswatch?"

"No!" Jia said with a laugh. "The pig is the Agatean symbol of fertility."

"At our age? With in-laws we already have ten children!"

"See?" said Jia with a huge grin, "It's already working!" Then he hugged Marlon like a man would hug a young boy. "I will finally have a brother!"

The pre-wedding traditions were many and varied. There were humorous traditions putting the groom through some tests before he could reach the bride, and some very serious traditions such as a tea ceremony where the brides and groom served tea to the parents of the brides and groom. Agatean Prime Minister Lung Mist sat in as Ning's father and Qua Jao, the palace housekeeper, a woman that risked her life by bandaging Ning's wounds after being beaten and whipped by the previous emperor, sat in as her mother. Ivo and Catrin were there for Nick, and Trei Metsker sat in as Octavia's father and happily sat with Jutta. (Trei's wife Erin passed away the previous year)

The tea ceremony was quiet and respectful, Nick, Ning and Octavia served the parents tea and thanked them for their help and guidance. Trei was a bit confused; the tea mug was tiny and had no handle and he had Jutta laughing the whole time. Afterwards the parents of Nick and Octavia were given a rickshaw tour of Hunghung city. They were shocked that they could pay for everything with pennies and were given solid gold coins in exchange. They came back to Lancre loaded down with trinkets and souvenirs and were amazed at how foreign the place was.

Nick was throwing darts in his study with Jia, Ivo, and Trei one afternoon and for some reason he was wearing all the gold necklaces that he had accumulated over the course of the pre-ceremony activities. "Livin' a bit fancy are we, yer majesty?" chided Ivo.

"In Agatea he is considered humble," said Jia.

"With all that gold?" asked a shocked Trei.

"Wait until the ceremony when you see the richest men and the finest women decked out in their premium copper and tin and magnesium, those are the most expensive pieces of jewelry in the empire," said Jia.

"Before we go back, remind me to pick up a few gold rings from CMOT Dibbler, the ones that turn your finger green," muttered Ivo.

Finally the wedding ceremony, Ning, Octavia and Nick dressed in flowing gold and red silk robes, Ning and Octavia wore huge ornate headdresses and Nick wore a large crown. The ceremony itself was intended to be a traditional Agatean ceremony where the brides and groom vow to love, honor, and obey, and having said their vows, the Agatean monk said, "Please allow my associate to complete the ceremony."

He stepped aside and Hollie took his place. She was still wearing a black witches robe, but hers was now made of silk rather than the traditional home spun black wool. "Ok, everyone join hands." Ning almost started laughing but with Octavia on her left and Nick on her right they joined hands and Nick and Octavia joined hands with Hollie. The witch closed her eyes and searched and found that somewhere deep, on some level, two of them were related. It was centuries ago but Ning was related to... Nick. It's vastly distant but Ning is a cousin, how is that possible? Agatea has always been a closed society.

"Seeing no relation that would cancel the wedding, and since you're enchanted it's not going to happen but for ceremony's sake, if anyone would like to leave, go now." When no one moved Hollie motioned the old Agatean monk to step forward and said, "we now proclaim you married." The monk said the same thing in Agatean and Nick, Octavia, and Ning fell into each other's arms laughing and kissing and Nick realized that his family was now truly complete, Octavia felt that this was the completion of what she strove for, and Ning finally felt truly loved for the first time in her life.

The party afterwards was both lavish and loose, even Trei felt comfortable chatting with Agatean friends of Nick, sometimes through translators. Jia's dog Pongyou, Juju's litter mate, bounced around happily shouting "Fay! Fay!" Gaspode {Marlon's dog, also Juju's litter mate} translated by shouting "Bark! Bark!"

"It was amazing Trei san!" said a member of the Agatean parliament. "Ning was under a spell by an evil wizard, and she ordered the emperor and empress to sit on the throne and she was going to burn the library. The evil wizard had ordered her to kill the emperor and empress!"

Trei was confused, "Jia was only about seven, I knew him then, he wasn't married ..."

"No, Trei san, emperor Stein Ying Long," and he pointed to Nick. "The eagle."

"He was really emperor?" ask Trei.

"I told you," said Nick with an impish grin.

"He become dragon set a wall on fire and everyone run away. He grab the throne, and fly away."

"I told you all of that," said Nick.

"Yeah, but we were in our pints, you could have said anything..."

"You! Come!" said an ancient Agatean crone to Nick, then she started chattering in Agatean which caused Jia to break up into laughter.

"What did she say?"

"She said to go with her and do what she says." The old crone gestured to Nick to follow her, and he got up slowly and leaning on Virga as a crutch he followed her.

"Who was that?" asked Octavia.

"She's my doctor," said Jia. "She doesn't think a broken old guy is worthy of an Agatean bride. She wants to fix him. She uses needles, hundreds of them, and does a great job, she's a miracle worker with bad backs."

"Nick is going to hate that," said Octavia remembering his reaction to her digging a sliver out of Nick's finger with a needle.

The party was successful but there were not enough people to translate for the Lancreian guests so Octavia turned to Exie and said, "Honey, could you run to the castle and get a few fairies to help translate?" Fairies can speak nearly every language on the disc and make great translators, mostly because their memories are so short, they won't remember anyone's conversation.

"I'll have the kitchen get some honeycomb," said Jia.

"Come on," and Exie took Finella's hand and led her into the throne room where the library was located. Finella followed Exie through the shelves and soon they stepped out into the long hallway in the castle. "Have you seen the garden?"

"No, this is all I've seen of the castle."

"Come on, you're going to love this..." he grasped her hand and ran down the hall with her, then they turned a corner and there was a wall that was made of the purest glass she had ever seen, and on the other side of the glass was to her mind was heaven. It was the meditation garden in the castle but bigger, much bigger. Trees and bushes, flowers were blossoming everywhere. A large lake dominated the back of the garden, it was fed by a waterfall and was drained by a creek that wandered through the garden. Bridges spanned the creek and the creek created islands which were tended as gardens too. A small herd of Minimoths splashed in the lake, and little, tiny people were either working in the gardens or erecting small cabins. Exie opened one of the windows, which turned out to be a door and led her into the garden.

"All Hail Prince Exie!" called one of the gnomes. The gnomes all stopped what they were doing and stuck their tongues out at him.

"Aww come on guys, I was one year old!"

"What are they angry about?"

"Beware of that lad, lassie!" said one of the gnomes, "He'll poop in yer pond! He's done it once, I seen him!"

"I was one year old!"

A gnome stepped out on the perfectly trimmed lawn that sheep the size of a house cat kept trimmed with their appetite. "Just be givin' ye grief laddie, how is yer moms and dad?"

"They're in Agatea getting married and we need a couple of fairies to help translate," said Exavier.

"Aye, that's a hard sell my prince, the fairies are all moved in for the winter and don' plan on any adventures," said the gnome. "We have been setting up cabins for them and they're moved in quite nicely."

"The emperor said he was going to get honeycomb," said Finella and suddenly they were surrounded by a swarm of fairies all happily volunteering to go.

"I was going to avoid saying that" said Exie out the side of his mouth. Then addressing the fairies, he said, "This is very dangerous, there may be house cats." That eliminated half of the fairies causing many to fly away in fear. "And I only want to take some fairies that have never been there before," that eliminated another group of fairies because the trip to Agatea is very popular with them. "And I need someone who can change to red and gold." Eventually two fairies with bright red hair and golden wings were left. "Let's go girls," said Exie and he plucked a couple of bright red fruits the size of apples from a tree and handed one to Finella. "Have a cherry."

Finella looked up in the tree and then she looked further up and saw the sky... it wasn't a sky, it was a wall of rock with stalactites that glowed to produce the light. "This is a cave?"

"Aye lassy," said the head gardener. "This garden dates back to one thousand BA, Before Ankh-Morpork."

"That's three thousand years!" gushed Finella.

"Real years," said the gnome puffing up with pride, "that would be six thousands of your years." {There are 800 days in the astronomical discworld year, and there are eight seasons: winter, spring, summer, summer, fall, second winter, second spring, second summer, second fall. Since there are 800 days between Hogswatch days, [which sucks] and no one can tell the difference between the winter and second winter, it was decided to split the year in half and have two Hogswatch Days in each year. Eventually a 400-day common calendar was drawn up and the astronomical year was ignored and eventually forgotten by most. Only astrologists and financial accountants seem interested in an 800 day calendar.}

They headed back to the library and Exavier asked, "how would you like to spend some of our honeymoon in there?"

"Exie..." her tone of voice said that Exie wasn't going to like what she said next. "I asked your mom to break the enchantment."

"What did she say?"

"She said I need to talk to you. Honey it's not you, it's me... I can't... I am a whore!"

"I don't care, that's what happened to you, it's not who you are..." Exie couldn't believe this... his world was imploding... he finally found someone besides his grandmother who loved him and she's going to dump him?

"My own father! He did things... I can't, I'm sorry Exie, please set me free, for the good of your family."

His head spun and the pain was incredible, he couldn't form words other than, "I love you Finella..."

"I love you too, but please Exie, let me go."

They had reached the Agatean palace, and the party was in full swing, everyone was so happy, the fairies fluttered off to join them yet Exie was sinking into an emotional hell. He asked himself over and over, why can't I be happy too? Everyone thinks I'm happy because I don't frown, thought Exie. This can't be happening! His mind screamed back at him telling him how worthless he is, that this is what the universe does to lonely people to get rid of them. "The moment I met you was the happiest day of my life," he said softly to the back of Finella's head, but she didn't answer.

"Please Exie..."

He now realized he was lost, but he can't break the enchantment, it is a gift from the gods, it can't be broken by magic. He realized that there is a way to free her without breaking the enchantment, she would be free, and his life of loneliness and pain would be fixed. Closing his eyes Prince Exavier said, "My dearest love, if that is what you need to be happy, then you are free. Please, when you remember me, do not hate me."

"Exie, I didn't mean to hurt you," she said turning around to face him.

He had a hollow look on his face that for some reason terrified Finella. He looked lost, like all the life was drained out of him. "The pain won't last me long," and he turned and dashed back in L-Space and disappeared.

"Exie?" she peeked into the Agatean library but all she saw was books. "EXIE!!!" she shrieked.

"What's the matter?" asked Hollie as she and Gwynn walked up.

"I don't... I asked him to... I think he's going to kill himself!" she wailed.

"Don't be dramatic," said Hollie, "you kids..."

"He's going to jump," said Juju interrupting Hollie.

"What?" asked Gwen.

"From the patio, his thoughts were quite clear about that," said Juju. "He's probably gone now..."

Suddenly everything stopped for Hollie, Juju stopped in mid word. Finella stood staring into the library, a look of horror on her face. Gwen had grasped Hollie's wrist and started tugging her towards the library. "Do NOT let go of me, Exie may be serious this time."

"What do you mean 'this time?'"

"Do you have any idea what loneliness does to a person?"

"Exie? He's always so happy."

"Do not confuse willing with happy," said Gwen. "He just looks happy because he's not crying. If dad didn't start the family dinners on Sunday he would have killed himself a long time ago."

"I don't understand," said Hollie, as they emerged at the bookstore, turned around, and dove back into L-Space heading for the palace.

"When dad became king the family split up," said Gwen. "You stayed at the cottage, Marlon went to the duke's manor, and we came here. The twins were too busy for us, and I had Pavel and never had time for Exie. Mom and Dad were busy being king and queen and our grandmas were down in the tower. Exie would sit in his room and stare at the walls for days."

"Oh gods..." groaned Hollie and they emerged from the King's Library and dashed into the king's apartment. "He's not on the patio," she said with a sigh of relief.

Gwen tugged Hollie to the railing and looked over and there he was, halfway down face down watching the ground rush up to kill him and set him and Finella free. "What do we do?"

"Come here," said Gwen and she tugged Hollie into the king's apartment. "There!" and in the apartment, next to the door was the olliphant foot umbrella stand they had grown up with and sticking out of it was Nick's broom. As a witch he had a broom, but he only used it a few times. Becoming a sparrow was a quicker way to fly.

Hollie snatched the broom out of the umbrella stand and it hovered fine. It took them a moment to get arranged on the broom riding side saddle and maintaining contact, so Hollie remained in the time bubble. Once settled Hollie flew through the living room, out over the patio then spiraled down to where Exie was, almost down to the second floor, twenty feet from the ground. Somehow they got arranged so that Exie was on their lap and Hollie urged the broom to go up as much as possible, and Gwen clasped Exavier inadvertently bringing him into her time bubble.

"Please," he whispered, "let me go, let me die so she can be free, and it can be over."

"Shut up, just relax, we're saving you," said Hollie.

"No!" shouted Exie. "I can't go back to being alone..." and he fought against Gwen and suddenly the time bubble popped. The broom was overloaded and tried to climb but the best it could do was slow down the plunging teens. His struggles dislodged Gwen who fell from the broom and they both plunged to the ground.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Exie refused to speak to anyone, he lay in his bed, broken arms and legs splinted and if anyone walked in he just closed his eyes and turned his head toward the wall. The only person he talked to was Finella. "I'm sorry I didn't die. You can kill me if you want, that will break the enchantment. There's a dagger in my nightstand."

"But I love you! Why did you..."

"For you! I love you so much, when I'm gone the enchantment will be broken and you will forget about me and be happy... it's clear that you don't want me..." his voice trailed off to a whisper. "None of you want me..." He turned to the wall and said, "I will set you free as soon as I can move again." She fled weeping.

Jutta would beg, "Exie, please talk to me." But he would turn his head and begin to cry.

When Ivo tried to talk to him Exie just said, "Kill me." However, Ivo wasn't his sister or grandmother. He had Exie knocked out with Azoth and put his plan into action.

When Exie woke he was in a pub full of his brothers, brothers-in-law, and beer. "What?" was all he could say. They were throwing darts and playing skittles and not really paying attention to him. Marlon shoved a mug into his good left hand, that arm was set in a cast with a bend so he could reach his mouth and feed himself.

"You gonna talk or are you gonna drink?"

"What?"

"He can't drink," said Rezzi, "he's too young and innocent. He needs to build up his skills," which brought a laugh from everyone.

"That's why he's here," said his grandfather who was the bartender. "Everyone has to start somewhere."

"How's Gwen?" Exie finally asked.

"She's ok, perfectly fine. She landed on something stupid," said Lou and the whole gang broke up laughing.

"Why don't you leave me alone like you normally do," Exie groaned. Now he needs to die.

"Drink," said Marlon. "It's the only thing that will help."

"What is it?"

"Whiskey," said Ivo from behind the bar. "You want to die? Do it the man's way, drink up!"

"DAMN!" cried Marlon as Exie drained his "whiskey" (it was whiskey with ginger water and honey) in one gulp.

"Give him another," said Ivo and he handed Rezzi another mug. After three mugs of whiskey Exie felt something coming on. After his fourth mug he was seeing double.

"How ya feelin' Exie?" asked someone.

"I'm not feelin' nothin. I'm numb. Like always."

"What do you mean 'like always,'" said Mark, Hollies husband.

"Do you wanna know why I like Wednesday so much?" said Exie slurring his words horribly. "Cause I can teach the lil kids math. They hate math, but they like me. Then, an hour later, I go back to my room alone. You're busy with Hollie and you're busy with Annette and you're busy with Loo-Loo and you're busy with Marti and you're busy with Gwen and I'm busy with nothin. Not a fuckin' thing.

"I'm not allowed to do anything cause I'm Royal, and I can't run away cause I'm Royal." He said, "I'm Royal," with disgust. "I go for a walk, alone as always, an th' cops keep bringing me back. Fuckin cops. Then I meet a perfect angel, and she hates me. Finella hates me. Cause her dad. And now I got nothin... again... I just want to die."

"Exie," started Reziko. "I..."

"FUCK YOU! Fuck you and that stupid sword you carry." He noticed that the pub was silent, and everyone was staring at him. "FUCK ALL OF YOU!" he screamed. "I finally find someone to love and that's what she tells me. Fuck you Exie. You're a nice guy, go fuck off and die. So all of you can fuck off and die too."

"Exie please," Reziko tried to get through to Exie.

"You ain't got a hair on your ass, soldier boy." Exie was really slurring his words. "If you were a man, if you had balls, you'd cut my head off... gutless fuck. Go away. All of ya, go back to ignoring me like you did for my entire life. Just let me die."

"Exie?" tried Reziko again, but Exie had passed out.

At the doorway to the pub, Finella and Maggy watched on and Finella was in shock.

"That's what oi was hopin' for," said Ivo. "He gots it offa his chest and he tells you all what a worthless buncha brothers you are."

"Ivo, that's a bit..."

But Ivo wouldn't let Mark finish and he said, "That's a bit accurate. When's the last time you did anything with him? It was a toboggan run. He tells me an' Maggie over and over. A toboggan run was the highlight of the lad's life! How many years ago was that?"

"Grandpa... we..." Marlon started.

"You were forced to take him, your parents demanded that you include the little brother, or the fun was over," said Ivo. "The very highlight of the lad's life and you did it begrudgingly, and you made damn sure that was his only happy memory." Ivo looked into a mug of beer, it was so tempting. "You asked him to sit in on one court meeting because you had no one left to ask... and that's it. His entire royal life has been one fucking court meeting."

Ivo glared at them in anger. "Who picked up wrappin' paper every Hogswatch mornin' since he was two without complaint? Who fed the chickens and collected eggs every day without help and watched his brothers Marlon and Lou go fishin?"

"Ivo please," said Rezzi, who at last count was Exavier's only friend in the world.

"When's the last time any of you had him over for dinner? Or asked him for help? Or took him fishin' or hiking. Did ya know he loves hiking? He knows every herb and medicinal plant in the kingdom. He should be a witch like his daddy but no one cares! Oi've been watchin' you lads, you're all so damn busy, Marlon is duke, Mark, Rezzi, and Pavel are cops, Lou is assistant head librarian, and your sisters and wives are just as busy. What does Exie do? Nothing! He stares at the walls hoping someone remembers him! You can't even be bothered to ask him to babysit his own nieces and nephews! He loves those babes, and you deny him time with them!" Ivo shouted.

"Grandpa?" started Lou.

Ivo wouldn't be interrupted, he continued with a vengeance, "when the lad tries to get involved all you tell him is 'You're too small, and you're too young, and you're too royal to do anything.' Oi've even watched the garden gnomes tell him to go away. A fine pack o' brothers you are. Oi'd rather have the lot of the Rope Street Marauders watchin' my back than you bunch." And with a slam he folded up the lift up section of the bar and left.

The bar was silent except for Finella's weeping. She stood at the door and heard every word.

"That was a little rough, don't you think?" Maggie asked Ivo as they headed to their room.

"If you think that was rough, what do you think will happen with Nick when he gets back and sees his youngest son in splints and casts."

"Oh gods," groaned the former queen.

"He needed to get it off his chest, he kept it bottled up inside and this happened." Just then came a frantic knocking at their door and when Maggie opened it, there was Finella looking so lost and horrified.

"What did I do?" she gasped then burst into heart rending tears.

"Come here honey," and Magrat led her into the room and sat her on the couch. Finella was a heartbroken teenage girl, Magrat can deal with Teenage Girls.

"What did I do?" wept Finella as she lay her head on Maggie's shoulder. "I didn't want him to die! I just wanted him to break the enchantment."

It was clear to Maggy now why Exie wants to die so badly. "Let's not worry about what you did. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just... loneliness can be horrible, and Exie has been completely alone in this world almost since he was born. When he was one, Gwen was born, and Octavia almost died so any attention Exie would get went to Gwen. The day he was kidnapped he was just looking for someone to talk to, a gardener or a garden gnome. Have you ever been at a party and felt so completely alone?"

Finella nodded her head. It's horrible, and he felt the same way? Poor Exie, to be in a tiny cottage with ten people and be ignored, then to move to a castle and find himself completely alone, in a small room on the top floor.

"This is what we're going to do. We're going to put your request to break the enchantment on hold for one year. No talk about weddings, or suicide. When his folks get back he's going to forget the whole thing, amnesia, we can rig it up. You had a lover's spat; he ran and had a bad fall. That's the truth and that's all anyone needs to know."

"I love him... but..."

"Ok, dear. I know. You were hoping for a wedding on your eighteenth birthday, but your past got in your head. Let's set that aside and maybe have a double wedding when Gwen and Pavel get married. They've been in love for almost ten years, there's nothing like a little time to strengthen that enchantment of yours."

"I'm not a virgin," Finella said softly. "I'm a whore. My parents... I was a prize awarded to the top contributor at their temple. I learned that there are some things that I like, and sometimes all I can think of is doing it with Exie."

"He's not going to do any of that with you if you break up."

"I know," Finella groaned. "What must he think of me?"

"He thinks you are the woman that was made for him, his soul mate. What do you think of him?"

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Nick, Octavia, and Ning got back from their Honeymoon where they spent two weeks investigating the different redoubts that the ancient Elves built all over the discworld. Connected by tunnels that defy even L-Space, these redoubts were just a two-minute walk apart from each other in the interconnected basement tunnels. But on the surface of the discworld they were thousands of miles apart. The royal thruple returned to find Exie in Nick's wheelchair, both legs and both arms broken. "What happened here?" demanded Octavia.

Finella looked up from her job of trimming Exie's toenails. "It's my fault, we had a spat and I said that I never wanted to see him again, and he took me seriously, so he ran off and had a tumble. I'm sorry." Then she leaned over, and kissed Exie's toe then took his big toe between her teeth and flicked her tongue over it causing Exie to smile and twist in his chair. He almost knocked the spoon full of soup out of Gwen's hand.

Gwen had assigned herself the task of Guardian Angel. She dressed him, fed him, washed him and saw to his personal needs. {Actually, Finella washed him and saw to his personal needs, Gwen was nearby to referee.} "I saw him fall and I tried to catch him, but I missed."

"I was there, that's what happened," said Hollie as her oldest son, Pommy, danced around the table chasing his giggling blond cousin Corina, both screaming "Uncle Exie, help me!"

"Exie," said Ning kneeling at his side. "What happen? You can tell me."

"I honestly don't remember," said Exie. "We were arguing over our wedding I think, and I stormed off and fell. I must have hit my head, I don't remember."

"They're lying," Nick muttered to Octavia.

Juju did a little probe and Exavier does not remember, he vaguely remembers arguing with Finella, and Finella remembers him running off, and Gwen remembers... The small dog gulped; he saw what she remembered. All three of them, Hollie, Gwen, and Exie could have died when that time bubble popped but somehow only Exie got hurt. That put him in a worse mood and after he exploded and got everything off his chest Hollie gave him a bit of amnesia. "That's all it was," said Juju quietly, "not a big problem." Everyone knows that dogs don't talk, and if they did they surely wouldn't lie.

"So, what did you decide about your wedding?" Octavia asked.

"We're going to wait and have a double wedding with Gwen and Pavel," said Exie. "Finella wants time to get used to the Worblehat-Stein way of doing things."

As they were talking, a small purple candle in the middle of the table grew a flame. "I have to go," said Hollie. "Annette is in labor. Are you still watching the kids?"

"Yup," said Exie and Hollie scooped up Corina and her broom leaving Exie and Finella with her sons Pommy and John Nicholas. Nick, Octavia and Ning held each other tight and suddenly they were gone also. Finella and Gwen cared for Hollie's boys, but it was Exie's responsibility to insure they behave. Pommy pouted and stomped after Hollie left. "What's the matter big guy?" asked Exavier.

"I wanted to see," pouted the two-year-old.

"That's up to Aunt Annette. Not every woman wants a lot of people to watch their baby getting born." But he continued to pout. It wasn't watching the baby being born, it was the family get-together that Pommy wanted. "All your GGs are here," said Exavier.

"Can I see GG Maggy?"

"She's teaching school."

"GG Jutta?"

"She's with Mister Trei." Even though Jutta and Catrin were committed to each other, lately Jutta has been spending time with Trei Metsker, and Catrin was being civil with Ivo.

"I've got to go honey," said Finella. "Our future maestros need me." She was talking about her music class.

"Apologize to them for my absence please?" asked Exie after their kiss.

"You're not missing another week of math. Come on Pommy," and she scooped up the two-year-old and sat him on Exie's lap and pushed him from their suite in the tower to the king's college meeting in the dining hall with Gwen trailing behind holding John Nicholas. Exie got to teach class with four broken limbs, Finella wrote whatever equations needed on the board as Exie lectured. They even gave Pommy a small slate and chalk to try to write his numbers.

After class, Lou met with Exie as they were putting Exie to bed. "We're off the hook," said Lou.

"What do you mean?" Exie asked.

"Annette had twins, a girl they named Daliah, and a boy, Marlon Preston Worblehat-Stein, the new heir to the throne. We're out of contention." Nick was paranoid of losing an heir to the throne so his boys were guarded at all times and watched for any behavior that could be considered dangerous. Lou and Exie believed that when Marlon had a son, all of Nick's overprotection would go to that child.

"Oh thank the gods," Exavier sighed and relaxed into the pillows. "Let's go fishing after they cut me out of this."

"It will be December."

"We'll go ice fishing."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

The year passed quietly and the change in Exie was noticeable, for one thing he smiled a lot, genuine smiles. His brothers took Exie's drunken ravings to heart because Ivo warned them that there's a grain of truth in every drunken rant. As he healed he was included in more and more activities and even though he was small {even in a family whose average height is 5'5"} he tried hard, and he and Finella loved working on the Duke of Wægn's farm. Under Carl's direction, Exie plowed every field that needed plowing and loved it all. Gathering hay and grain was Exie and Finella's strong suit.

"It reminds me of when he was a baby," said Catrin.

"What do you mean," asked Finella who assigned herself to be nurse for the Royal Great Grandmothers. She was tucking Catrin and Jutta in for the night. Catrin started coughing weakly so Jutta answered Finella's question for her.

"He was a happy baby, when you held him he would sit and smile, so happy. Then one day that smile went away," thought Jutta. "He kept smiling but it wasn't the same, there was no joy in his smile, it was so sad."

"Exie said it's because he was lonely."

"No... in that crowded little cottage?"

"Did you hold him after Gwen was born?" asked Finella.

"Yes," said Catrin, but she thought then said, "No. Gwen was ill and Exie..."

Jutta thought and sighed, she remembered seeing the poor lonely little boy waiting for a few minutes for grandma to pick him up, but she was busy with something and when she got back to him, he was gone. That happened so many times, and now she was sure she broke his heart again and again. She had hoped that someone picked him up, but he and Mister Biscuit {a one eye, three leg black cat with a kinked tail and no ears} would find a corner to nap in together. "Maybe it was..."

Catrin said, "it's our fault. For some reason we left him alone. He was the happy little boy we didn't have to care for."

"It's ok," said Jutta as she squeezed Catrin's hand under the blankets. Then to Finella she said, "It is ok, isn't it?"

"It is now, we're learning what happy really means," said Finella and she gave the Great Grandmas a good night kiss. "And you two are a huge help for us," and Exie came in to say his goodnights. They left and walked to the staircase that would take them upstairs. Both were worried that Catrin wouldn't last until their wedding.

<><><><><>

Hogswatch that year was a resounding success, although great grandmother Catrin was in a wheelchair and great grandmother Jutta was leaning heavily on a cane when walking. The king, queen and ambassador spent longer than expected in the reception line along with the Duke and Duchess of Wayne while the rest of their children dominated the dance floor, including Exie and Finella. They had practiced dancing for months because the previous year he wasn't recovered enough to dance.

After dinner the family took out their instruments and played several Hogswatch Carols while the guests ate, and as has been done for the past few years, the Choir of Kings College got up to sing. The regulars at the Hogswatch dinners were used to the young children that were rescued from the gutters of Ankh-Morpork screeching out Hogswatch carols at the top of their lungs. They were always forgiven for their love and gusto, even if their vocal skills left much to be desired. But since Finella Thorndyke took over as music teacher the efforts of the students have increased in quality spectacularly.

They sang several Hogswatch hymns that brought a tear to many an eye, and when they were done with their medley the king rose to applaud them, causing the entire audience to rise also. Prince Exavier walked up to Finella for a kiss and she held him at arm's length. "You stand right here; I have a song just for you." With a quick kiss that startled much of the audience {few audience members were royal watchers so the Exie and Finella love story was unknown to them} she turned to the audience and said, "Queen Octavia brought this song back from a round world when she studied there as a wizarding student. I had to change it some because that round world has some very strange ideas and we couldn't figure out what they were singing about. We brought it into Hogswatch for all to enjoy, we hope you like it."

She turned to her choir who were smiling and excited, they've been practicing this song. Exie was worried that it would be Tusker the Magic Draught Hog, but they have already sung that one. Finella raised her hands to get their attention and - "One... two... three... four!" and the king and queen and ambassador to the Agatean Empire started playing an up-tempo song on the guitar, auto harp, and shimisen {A four string banjo with a very long fret and not to be confused with the three string Shamisen} and they were joined by the Duke and Duchess of Wægn on the courting dulcimer and Reziko joined in on a bass fiddle.

The song was upbeat and catchy and many in the audience clapped along with the jingling bells the youngest students shook with four-year-old enthusiasm. Finella directed the thirty-two-voice choir who sang their hearts out, then at some point she whirled around and began singing in her pure, clear, voice.

I won't ask for much for Hogswatch, I won't even wish for ham

I'll just keep on waiting for you while I make a leg of lamb.

I won't make a list and send it to Hogfather for his team

I won't even stay awake until those magic hogs are seen

Cause I just want you here tonight

Holding on to me so tight

What more can I do?

All I want forever, is youuuuuuuuuu

Finella's last note was high and she held it perfectly, but when she looked at Exie for his reaction, he was standing before her, holding up a diamond ring {another tradition the queen brought back from a round world} "YES!" Finella shrieked and laughter and applause rolled through the audience. They laughed and hugged as she put on a rarity on the discworld, an engagement ring. This time it was going to work; this time they trusted their love and they trusted each other with their heart.

<><><><><>

It was the third Wednesday in Grune, exactly midyear on the discworld calendar, the twenty fifth week on a fifty week calendar. Grune is a magical month {but then in a magical kingdom on a magical planet, aren't all months magical?} and just the perfect time for a magical wedding. Somehow Catrin Stein, Jutta Aldana, and Magrat Garlick found themselves seated on a very comfortable bench in a private grove in the meditation garden. Magrat walked there, stiffly but proudly, with her husband Ivo at her side, her daughter on her other side. Catrin and Jutta having been carried there by Marlon and Mark, awaited her on a magically comfortable bench. A small fountain bubbled and fairies sang sweet songs in honor of the Eve of the Small Gods {It was the only religious holiday worth celebrating claimed Queen Octavia when she said, "I met many of the small gods, they're very nice deities and should be honored."}

Hollie, Loo-Loo, and a pregnant Marti gave the grandmothers bouquets of flowers and arranged their skirts. {Marti and Lou are living proof that the best way to have a child is to inform everyone at your wedding "we're going to wait a few years before having children." It's the equivalent of standing on a hill in a thunderstorm waving a copper pipe shouting, "All the gods be bastards!"} Once the grandmothers were situated everyone else left the grove except for Hollie and Prissy, an Agatean spirit tree that moves about the garden and loves to be a part of weddings.

Hollie said, "I gave the brides and grooms freedom to do this however they wanted, and they said, "we want to do it just for grandma, so here we are. Grandma Jutta, Catrin, and Maggy, this is just for you." Exie and Finella stood behind the grandmothers, their hands resting lightly on the women's shoulders as Gwen and Pavel stood before Hollie and were married. Then they switched positions and performed the witch's wedding ceremony and Hollie made sure to call Exie by his full name, Exavier Abraam, because he was named for Maggy's sons that were killed. Or as Exie will tell it, he was named for Emperor Jia's closest friends.

"Did you have fun Grandma?" asked Finella with tears in her eyes.

"Oh sweetheart, why are you crying?" asked Jutta as she dug a lacy handkerchief from her purse and dried her tears.

"I've never been able to call anyone grandma before," she said and she kissed each of her grandmothers.

"I've never been grandmother to six princesses before," said Catrin as Pavel wheeled up a tea cart and the newly married couples served tea and cake to the three grandmothers and their sister the witch. They relaxed and unwound for an hour and Grandma Jutta and Grandma Catrin told Gwen and Exie stories until Marlon appeared.

"It's almost time. Grandma are you sure you don't want to come to the king's presentation?" asked the crown prince.

"No, this was so beautiful, but I think I want to lay down," said Catrin.

"I'll go with her to keep her company," said Jutta.

Marlon and Exie looked at each other, then Marlon in his beautiful uniform and medals bowed to his grandmother and said, "Madam Stein, it would be my sincerest honor to convey you back to your room."

"Thank you your majesty, but the honor is mine to have such a fine, handsome man escort me home." Catrin tried to chuckle but instead she coughed and wheezed. "I must have put too much brandy in my tea."

Tenderly Marlon scooped up Grandma Catrin, her once raven black hair now pale gray, so tiny, so frail. "Thank you Marlon," she whispered as her grandson carried her through the garden and to her room. Behind them Exavier carried Jutta.

"You carried me for years," said Marlon. "It's the least I can do."

"I never carried you, I followed wherever you led," her voice a whisper. "You are going to be a wonderful king."

<><><><><>

"Your majesty!" called the Royal Herald. "Presenting Mateja Davidovic and Elise Brun, married Grune first, Year of the Concerned Larch, witch, Dana Parkinson.

Nick glanced over to his secretary Findlay MacIver who verified the information that the herald called out, then nodded and the herald gestured the couple to approach. He was light skinned but dark haired like nearly the entire royal family, she was a slim woman with bright blond hair and light blue eyes. Behind them walked their witch, Dana Parkinson, a tiny girl, barely nineteen. This was her first wedding and Nick doubted that she was able to fly her broom yet. She was here to see exactly what happened at the King's Presentation, so she could tell her future brides and grooms.

"Welcome," Nick said as the couple stopped before the throne. He saw their family in the audience looking so excited, and Nick remembered... "It seems like just yesterday your parents were standing right where you are now Elise."

"Aye, your majesty. They told me often of meeting the king that saved the world and how kind you were to them."

"That may be a bit of an exaggeration," started King Verence III, but Queen Octavia immediately said, "No it's not!" and she gave Nick a swat in the arm. "You scared the hell out of me!" then she turned to the young couple and said, "Today is about you, are you scared?"

When both nodded, Ning said, "Only be scared if you want to play darts against your king." They gave the Agatean beauty a confused look and she said, "you will find out."

"Mateja and Elise Davidovic, your marriage is entered into the kingdom roles, please join us in our celebration," said the king, and Nick nodded to the herald.

"Your majesty!" cried Harold Lorchestershire, the Royal Herald. "Presenting Pavel Novik, Constable Lancre Watch and Princess Gwendolyn Worblehat-Stein, Married Grune twenty fifth, Year of the Concerned Larch, witch, Hollie Ivers.

Nick got up and stepped forward and kissed the bride, and Gwendolyn saw tears in his eyes. "What's the matter daddy?" she asked.

"My babies are all grown up," he whispered and kissed her cheek. Then he moved over to Pavel and shook the young man's hand. "You turned down the promotion I put you in for?" said Nick seeing that Pavel wore that constable's stripe and not the sergeant's stripe.

"Yes sire. I want to earn my promotions."

Nick laughed and slapped him on the arm. "You got balls. I like that, but we need to talk." He stepped back to his throne and after Octavia and Ning congratulated the bride and groom Harold called the next couple.

Presenting Prince Exavier Abraam Worblehat-Stein and Finella Thorndyke, Married Grune twenty-fifth, Year of the Concerned Larch, witch, Hollie Ivers.

Nick stepped down from the throne, approached the couple, and hugged Finella tight and whispered in her ear, "You are my last princess, I wish you joy and luck."

"Thank you your majesty," she said as he held her by the shoulders at arm's length.

"No, you are officially beyond calling me that, from now on you will address me as dad."

"Yes, your... uh... dad." It felt silly, like he was wearing a costume, but then it felt so perfect, and she said, "Thank you, daddy."

"Even better," Nick kissed Finella then moved on to Exavier. "She's a fine, strong woman that picked you to be her prince," he said.

"Ain't that the truth," said Exie as his dad shook his hand.

Then Nick pulled him tight for a hug and whispered, "I know what happened when we were gone."

"Dad, I... we didn't..."

"Shush, one does not live in the gutters of Ankh-Morpork, suicidal and starving and not know what desperation looks like. I'm just glad your sisters were finally there for you and I'm especially glad that you and Finella waited an extra year."

At the same time Octavia whispered in Finella's ear, "We know what happened when we were gone."

Finella's eyes popped open wide in terror, "Milady I..."

"Shh, it's not your fault, if it's anyone's fault it's your parents and his. I should have been a much better mother and noticed his loneliness, and I should have been there for the both of you... especially you. Can you forgive me?"

That was unexpected! "Uh... your majesty..."

"Mom!" insisted Octavia.

The party in the king's study was a smashing success, Mateja and Elise Davidovic, farmers from Mad Stoat were the king's guests and they talked farming all afternoon long until the party broke up around five. That's when Marlon's daughter Corina came running up to the king and said "Grandpa, Great Grandma wants you." Nick walked over to the Grandma's suite and found Marlon and Jutta sitting next to the big double bed that held his mother Catrin. "Mom?"

"I don't feel so good," she whispered.

"It's ok mom," said Nick, suddenly no longer king but a concerned, terrified son. "I'm a witch, we can get Matilda in here... she's the royal witch, she can fix anything."

"Matilda was here," said Jutta, her voice was hollow. "She said to call for you."

<><><><><>

For the next two weeks Marlon filled in as king while Nick never left his mother's side, he served her and Jutta their food and drink in their suite. He read to her constantly and when she slept Nick sat by her bedside napping when he could.

Ivo eventually heard of her condition and peeked in to see how she was doing. She saw him nervously peering in the doorway and gestured to him. "Jutta, my love, please?" and without a word Jutta rose and said the first civil words she's ever said to Ivo in her life.

"She doesn't have long."

He leaned over the bed, her eyes fluttered open and Catrin smiled. "Ivo..."

"Hi Cat, I hear you're feelin' better." He tried to sound cheerful, but she looked so pale and drawn. The fear must have been visible on his face.

"Ivo? You can stop trying now; I believe you and I..."

"No, don't say it, don't ever say it. Please don't! I'll never stop trying to make it up to you." Ivo swallowed and said, "Cat, it should be me laying there, I'm the one that wasted my life and yours."

"You haven't called me Cat in a long time." She weakly patted his hand. "Go make Maggie proud. Please. I forgive you."

Ivo left the room weeping, and Magrat caught him and held him close. The suite was filled with Catrin's grandchildren and great grandchildren and seeing Ivo weeping so openly was a sobering shock. One by one they went in to speak to Grandma Catrin. Worst off were Marlon and Hollie, they still remember the Hogswatch that the Hogfather gave them two grandmothers. They both wanted to scream, "Don't go Grandma!" but she was so exhausted looking, she should have gone long ago but she held on to see all her grandbabies married.

After all the children said their final words to grandmother, Nick retook his place by her bedside ready to fulfill anything she or Jutta would want. Octavia sat next to him and leaned on his shoulder. Sometime during the night, he was woken by something, the feeling of a presence. "COME CATRIN, COME WALK WITH ME," said the anthropomorphic personification of Death as he stood beside Catrin's bed.

Catrin Stein let out one last breath and was gone. Her spirit stood next to Death and stretched with a smile. Nick saw the young, vital Catrin that he knew from his childhood. She was so beautiful that it broke his heart. "Oh my, I haven't felt this good in so long," she said, "I didn't know you were a dog lover."

"Bark! Bark! Oh boy, let's go walkies." The spirit of Gaspode was happy to see a friend and he bounced up and put his paws on Catrin's leg.

"HE GROWS ON YOU."

"Mom," gasped Nick and suddenly he was five-year-old Pommy Stein watching his injured mother crawl off into the night never to return. He wailed, "MOMMY!" his heart was shattered just like that horrible night. His cry woke Octavia who was across the room in Catrin's rocking chair and she ran to her husband and tried to console the shattered man. All the death and horrors he has seen over the years, and he has never grown cold to the loss of a loved one. This is the man Octavia fell in love with decades ago.

His weeping woke Jutta, who touched Catrin and found her body empty. She leaned over and gave her love a farewell kiss and suddenly felt very, very alone in this world.

The mother of the king was laid to rest with full royal honors near her friend King Verence II and her son wept and declared a week of mourning. The Kingdom of Lancre was dark and rainy the entire week, although the weather in all neighboring countries was fair and sunny.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

With that one rocky exception the first fifteen years of Nick and Octavia's reign drifted along gently, the kingdom of Lancre was happy with her peace and her leadership. Nick and Octavia remained passionately in love with each other and approached the task of leadership with humility. When a decision was required by the king he always spoke with his court wizard, his queen, before making that decision. And they were surrounded by seventeen grandchildren.

Marlon and Annette had one more, another boy, Lawson.

Hollie and Mark had three more, Desmond, Aidan, and her darling, little Catrin their only girl.

Llywellyn and Marti had two, daughter Jutta and son Marcas.

Llywella and Reziko had three, a boy Sora, and two girls who want to be warriors like their dad, Hina and Yoko.

Gwendolyn and Pavel had three, a boy, Emil, and two girls Magdalena and Heidi.

Exavier and Finella didn't have any children and were quite worried, so they put all their energy into the King's College. They attracted some of the finest instructors from all over the Ramtop Mountains to teach the children and any adult that signed up for the adult learning classes. Most popular was the adult reading because while that was taught by Exavier, Queen Octavia provided magical visual stimulus and the letters and words the adults were learning floated magically in front of the class.

Where once Nick counted the passing of time with the birth of a child, and their weddings, now he marked the passage of time with the birth of grandchildren and the passing of friends. It was like time was wiping out the generation that raised Nick and Octavia. First Catrin passed away, then Magrat a year later, followed shortly by Ivo. Magrat was laid to rest next to King Verence II and her boys, and Ivo was laid to rest on the other side of her, as it should be. Jutta lasted a few more years and put all her energy into her great grandchildren, but her special friend, Trei Metsker passed away and she followed a few months later.

The King's college was taken over by Exavier and Finella and remained successful and scholars from all over the discworld came to see how the college gained its success. Many stayed to teach and learned their secrets of educating what were once thought gutter rats. The choir of King's college was considered the finest in the land and their concerts in the park raised money for the continued success of the college. Finella also continued to translate the ancient tome Vanemate Rasside Jõud. "This isn't too hard to translate, it also says that..." She looked at Exavier, "your skill with moving about in time... it came from Time herself, but this provides upgrades..."

"What do you mean upgrades?" asked Exavier as he wound then glued an eyelet on to a new fishing rod. If this works he's going to present it to the Emperor of the Agatean Empire. Mostly as a reminder to Jia that he's skipped the last three fishing dates.

"It allows you to do more."

"More what?"

"How would you like a time bubble that didn't require continuous physical contact to maintain the time bubble around two or more people?"

"That's interesting." Exie's mind went straight to the gutter. Ever since their honeymoon in the underground garden where Finella spent a week naked with Exie learning that Exie would do anything she wants, from a quiet naked cuddle to fucking out on the balcony daring the public to look up, a whole new world opened to her. He studied her translation of the book and made many side notes and said, "there's so much more to this power than turning into animals, that's the dangerous part."

"What's the easy part?"

"Transiting, whatever that is. The way this book is written it's like everyone knows what it's talking about to start with." She continued however and suddenly she said, "You know how when your parents call out, you said that your mother's shout causes a headache?"

"Yeah," the first time he tried to kiss Finella his mother mentally shouted at them, and it gave them both a headache.

"According to this, using raw magic will do that. Filtering the magic through the Vanemate makes it easier on the sender and receiver.

"What's a Vanemate?" asked Exie.

"Something to do with elven magic."

They began to experiment with Elven magic and were becoming quite adept at it, but Exie didn't want to get to the point where he was turning into monstrous animals. Then one day Finella was looking at the notes she made and said, "This says we're at that point."

"What point?"

Finella kissed her husband and said, "come on," and she led him out onto the patio. There on the patio she said, "Show me the eagle in you," and suddenly he became the magnificent Lancre Black Eagle. With a laugh she said, "You're beautiful!" but she was only answered with the piercing cry of the eagle.

Alerted by the eagle's cry, Nick ran out on to the 7th floor patio to see Finella try to hold the eagle on her arm. "You're too heavy honey," she said, and she tried to get Exie to sit on the patio railing, but the call of the sky was too much for Exie and with a flap of his large wings he was airborne.

"NO!" shouted Nick, still terrified of his plunge off this very balcony.

"It's ok daddy, we have the same magic you have now," said Finella and she became a female Black eagle and was airborne too.

Nick watched with envy, he can't bring himself to fly again, and Octavia has tried to encourage him but with no luck. The king and queen watched as the two eagles circled each other, rising higher and higher, their eyes on each other. "We used to do that, remember honey?" Octavia asked.

At the peak of their climb the two eagles flew straight at each other and locked their talons and started their courting plunge, circling faster and faster like a cartwheel, their wings spread to slow the fall as they dropped, a beautiful exhibition of love and avian lust. Nick and Octavia watched transfixed; it's been almost two decades since they did that last. "You want to go," said Octavia, "Go! I will catch you; I will always be here for you."

Nick closed his eyes, shoved his fear aside and suddenly he was on the railing of the patio. With a flash and a sparkle, Octavia used a different magic, and she joined him, then leaped out into space. With a worried second thought, Nick opened his wings, and with a powerful flap of his wings for the first time since the twin's wedding he was airborne.

Llywellyn and Marti stepped out on to the patio and watched the eagles swirl in the sky. "Fucking eagles," she chuckled as little Jutta wandered around the patio making certain not to get too close to the marble railing.

"I think that's my parents," said Lou. "And that other pair has to be some other wizard up there with them."

"How do you know?"

"A nesting pair of eagles wouldn't let another pair within miles of them, too much competition for food to feed the eaglets." They watched the majestic birds swoop and soar and finally one pair of birds returned to the patio and became Nick and Octavia, and they were laughing like they just returned from the theater.

"Gods be praised I needed that!" sighed Nick. For the first time in a long time, he's felt like himself again.

When Marti looked at him strangely, Octavia said, "flying has been part of his life since before we were married. It's Elf magic that he uses."

Marti gasped; she was raised in the Ramtop Mountains where elves were not considered "nice." They didn't dance around in green suits and wear pointed hats and help the Hogfather build toys, {those are actually gremlins} elves are wicked. Then the other pair of eagles approached the patio, they were timid in their approach never having actually landed before, so Octavia caught one and set it down on the railing, the other settled down clumsily, and in a wink they became Exavier and Finella. Finella was flushed and excited, "that was incredible!"

"How did you do that?" asked Lou.

"She translated Vanemate Rasside Jõud," said Exie. "It's a bit complicated but once we figured out the basics it's easy to pick up on the magic."

"You should teach that at your school," said Marti, her eyes still wide with wonder.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

As the first snows of late autumn began to fall, it was Octday in the court, the day where the citizens of the kingdom could come before the king and air their grievances. At the secretary's desk sat eighteen-year-old Cholly, with Findlay MacIver leaning over his shoulder offering help. "Cholly," said the king between plaintiffs, "You need a last name for this job."

"I'd love to have one your majesty, but I don't rightly know my real name."

"Well then, pick one, and it will be yours."

"Then I choose Stein, after Grandma Magrat," said Cholly.

"Her last name was Garlick," corrected the king.

"I like Stein better. I still miss Grandpa Ivo.

"We all miss him. You know, Stein was my name too."

"What did you do with it?" Cholly isn't stupid but he is completely innocent.

"When you become king things change, including your name. But for you, Stein it is! And welcome to the family. You are now my little brother." Then he noticed that there was a scuffling going on in the foyer. "What is going on out there?"

"I'll go look," said Octavia and Ning went with her to see what was happening. When they got there a man was tussling with the guard to get to the front of the line. "Who are you?"

"Me name isn't important..."

"It is here," said Octavia, her voice a menacing snarl. "A man's name is his word, isn't that right Mister Candlechrome?"

"Aye yer majesty it is," said Farnworthy Candlechrome who was waiting patiently in line to see the king. "A man's name is his trust!"

"I don't need to give anyone my name just because some bint..."

That was the last word he got out of his mouth. A guard slammed him in the back of the head with the butt of his spear, then the second guard on duty caught him and put him in a choke hold. "We don't hold with callin' our queen a bint," a guard snarled in the man's ear, "'specially not from Ankh-Morpork trash like yerself."

Before Octavia or Ning could say anything, Prince Exavier stepped up to the guard that had the man in a choke hold and said, "Take him to see my friend Stan, let Stan be his host until next Octday." Even in a choke hold the man was shocked to hear that he was going somewhere for a week. "Buddy, I may have just saved your life, unless the king doesn't find humor in having his wife called a whore," growled Exavier. "My brothers are not going to be very happy either, but you will be safe for eight days. After that I can't say what will happen." He looked at the guards and said, "Failure to show respect to the queen." That was a charge that usually carried a 200 day in prison penalty.

The next Octday a messenger from Ankh-Morpork arrived and discovered that he couldn't just walk into the kings apartment and sit down in chat, nor could he interrupt him during lunch, not on Octday. He got in line behind a cute little farm girl. The Herald was very nice to the young thing, she was short, blond, blue eyed and perfect white skin. "Your Majesty, Melissa Sand." Then to the young girl he whispered, "go ahead lassie, you'll be foin. The queen will ensure the king is polite to you."

She slowly approached the triple throne of Lancre nervously and as she approached she noticed a young man at a desk to the side of the throne, he looked so kind, his large brown eyes met hers and for a second they saw each other's soul. Then remembering why she was there, she drew herself up and said, "Your majesty, my parents are quite ill, we are having problems getting the crop in, could we have an extra month to gather our money to pay the taxes on the farm?"

"Where is your parent's farm Missus Sand?" ask Nick, knowing full well she wasn't married, and he saw the eye contact between her and Cholly.

"It's Miss, your majesty. We're at the turnwise end of Tallywiffle County, as far as you can be from any village."

When she said Miss, something leaped in Cholly's heart, and their eyes met again. They almost missed the king saying, "This is a matter for the Duke of Wægn, have you spoke with him?"

"I... I don't know of the duke," she stammered. Cholly's heart went out to her, the poor thing!

"In Lancre all courts in all principalities participate in an open public forum on Octday like here, the duke will see you today. Your boyfriend should be able to lead you there."

"I don't have a boyfriend," she said sadly.

"In that case, Mister Stein, could you please escort Miss Sand to the Duke's office?"

A look of unexpected joy spread over Cholly's face. "Yes, your majesty!" he finally said. He stood nervously and their eyes met again.

"There's something there," whispered Ambassador Ning with a slight giggle.

"Yep," grinned Nick. He cleared his throat, "Mister Stein? Before nightfall would be best."

"Yes your majesty," and Cholly broke out of the paralysis that froze him and offered his arm to Melissa like he was guiding her onto a dancefloor, and she happily took his arm.

"You're going to lose your baby brother to her," said Octavia.

"Hey, I did all the groundwork for him. Who uncovered that she was single? Who discovered that she didn't have a boyfriend?" chuckled the king. "Cholly should be eternally grateful to me. Besides, all of our children marry well. Mister MacIver, could you take over for our errant secretary, and call the next guest."

"Aye sire," and Findlay returned to his old seat and reviewed Cholly's notes then said "Linus Midgley, messenger."

Harold the Herald called out "Linus Midgley of the office of the Patrician."

"Mister Midgley, how may we help you?"

"I come about two items, sir."

"SIRE," snarled Findley.

"This is a kingdom," said Octavia. "We stand on protocol, or we sit in the dungeon."

"Allow me to apologize your majesty. I come with two items of business." He looked up at Nick who gestured him to continue. "First, Patrician Simpkin demands your presence. Second..."

"When?" said Nick.

"...there's the matter of..." Linus Midgley looked shocked that the king would ask when. "As soon as possible, if not sooner your majesty!"

"Oh. That soon? Findlay, when do I have time for Mister Simpkin? Don't forget travel time," said Nick pouring on the distain.

"Two weeks, on the fourth, fifth and sixth."

"Thank you," then turning to Linus Midgley he said, "Ember fifth. Please have rail travel arranged for myself and my wives and three guards. Please make sure that our accommodations are in order. I will forward our dietary requirements. Next item?"

"Sire! He demands you there now!"

"I am a little busy right now, you may have noticed that I am a King, a royal sovereign, not an office functionary. Ember fifth."

"Sire, I'm merely following orders," but Nick just glared at him then took out a pocket watch and glanced at it. Linus has been briefed that if the pocket watch comes out he has fifteen seconds to come to the point or he's going to the dungeon for thirty-two days. "Uh, the second item is, uh... Hank Peck."

Nick waited for an explanation and when one did not come his glare grew fierce. "Does this look like a party to you mister Midgley? Are we playing guessing games? Shall we entertain ourselves with Charades after this game? What is a hankpeck?"

Linus Midgley shuddered as a guard stepped next to him. "No sire, Hank Peck was a messenger that was sent here last week with the same message."

"Never heard of him. While we are playing guessing games, I give up. Who is Simpkin?"

"He is the new patrician of Ankh-Morpork."

"What happened to Havelock Vetinari?"

"He was told to retire."

Nick shook his head. Havelock Vetinari was a lot of things, but one of them was the best thing for Ankh-Morpork. "Yes, I'm sure he was." He dismissed Midgley with a wave and asked Findlay "Who is next?"

"Hank Peck."

Octavia blushed when she saw the prisoner being escorted up the aisle by the commander of the Palace Guard, Reziko Pants, and the king's personal guard, Various Ogg. "Honey, I forgot to mention this fellow."

"Commander Pants," sighed Nick, "what is Mister Peck doing under guard and what is my commander of security doing guarding a prisoner?"

"Prisoner Protocol, sire," said Reziko. "Royal charges, Prince Exavier brought charges on him last week."

The young prince and his princess appeared next to Rezzi. Nick gave the prince a look that clearly said, 'what the fuck' and Exie said, "Mister Peck was jailed for eight days to consider his choice of words when speaking to our queen."

The king then looked at Hank Peck. "Mister Peck, what have you to say?"

"FUCK YOU! You pompous ass! I want a fucking lawyer!"

Reziko raised his truncheon ready to bludgeon Peck into unconsciousness, but Nick raised a hand holding him back. "That is your right, the court appoints the public defender, Mister Shyster from the law firm of Igor, Igor, and Snivelwitz. Mister Findlay set up an appointment for Mister Peck with his attorney and set up an appointment for Mister Peck with Mister Morose."

Findlay grinned and said, "Yes your majesty."

As Rezzi was dragging Peck back to the dungeon Peck asked, "Is this shyster good?"

Reziko said, "His last two clients found justice."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Four days later they were getting ready to start the Kings Court meeting, but Cholly was nowhere to be found. Findlay, Nick's office manager, stepped back into his old spot as secretary and the king asked his staff, "Has anyone seen Cholly since last week?"

"Last I saw of him was at Wægn Manor on Octday," said a guard, "He was with that farmers girl."

"I spoke to a girl that Cholly was escorting," said Marlon. "After we straightened out her tax issue, Cholly said he was going to take her to the pub for a bite to eat."

"I hope he's shacking up and lost track of time," said Nick nervously. It was imperative that they retrieve Cholly, being court secretary and the king's personal secretary he's privy to all kinds of information. He looked at the queen and said, "You don't think that girl, Melissa grabbed him."

Octavia said, "No, I really don't think she would do anything, but she might have been unwitting bait."

Nick looked over to his youngest son, the one that can fly. "Exavier? Head over to the Sand farm and see what happened, can you?"

"For Cholly? Anything. We have to leave anyhow." With the king wishing them luck, Exavier and Finella turned and headed out to the courtyard. Not being members of the court, they were not needed in the meetings except for the public meeting next week. Exie and Fin {A nickname that she HATES} stepped outside and immediately became a pair of Ramtop Greentail Falcons and leaped into the air. The Greentail Falcon {Falco Asinus Viridisis} is the largest falcon on the discworld and is also the fastest. It's average horizontal speed is nearly 60 miles per hour and in a dive it exceeds 200 miles per hour. Being big for a falcon their rate of climb was a bit slow, but once they got to altitude, they became rockets. They cleared the crest of Breeders Peak and set a course turnwise following Main Road.

<><><><><>

Back in the castle the Court Meeting was getting underway. Finella only partook in the meeting on the last meeting of the month, as head of education there was little input she had on Kingdom finances or security and rarely had anything to update but the king felt her absence also. He sighed and Axemir who took over as Lord of Mining and Excavation asked, "Is there anything wrong your majesty?"

"Cholly is missing."

The normal premeeting chatter and dealmaking came to a stop. "Cholly? Your puppy?" asked the Prime Minister Lady Maisie MacGregor.

"That's my job," came a voice from under his chair, but Nick ignored Juju. "Yes, my secretary. We last saw him on Octday." The king tried to cheer himself by saying, "He was last seen with a very pretty young lady, so I'm hoping if he got in trouble, he's enjoying himself." All of the lords and ladies at the meeting chuckled and Nick said, "Let's start with the Exchequer's report today, Lolar, what do you have for us?"

<><><><><>

Exie and Fin saw a man pitching hay on to an ancient hay wagon and they set down in his snow dusted field and approached him. "Mister Sand?" asked Exie.

"Aye, and who are you?"

Exie took an extra pitching fork from the wagon and began to help with the hay as he spoke. "I'm Exavier Worblehat-Stein, this is my wife Finella, we're looking for a friend of ours who was last seen with your daughter Melissa."

"You've seen her? When did you see her last?"

"Octday, she was at the castle. My uncle was going to escort her to the Duke's house." For some reason Exavier loved calling Cholly his uncle even though he's only been Nick's adopted brother for four days. It seems like Cholly was always there whenever Nick was smiling.

"Oh, that girl, she had a wild idea that the King would delay the tax due date." His face tightened up in anger. "She's been gone since Sunday... if your Uncle touched her I'll...!"

"Cholly? No, not Cholly, she could easily beat him up. We're going to keep looking," said Exavier as he pitched the last fork full of hay onto the wagon. He handed the farmer his fork back and said, "The duke has deferred your taxes until you can pay them." Then he and Finella walked back out of the field and into the forest at the edge of the field.

"Now what?"

"We follow the road back to Creel Springs and use our noses."

"You don't think they're dead, do you?"

"I don't know. Highway men used to be common on Main Road, but dad chased most of them away." They changed to Buzzards and flew lazily over the road but between the Sand's farm and Wægn Manor there was nothing but a deer and a rabbit carcass.

<><><><><>

There was a tap at the court room door and a voice from outside said, "Yer majesty, I have a clacks for you, it's marked urgent, life or death."

"Urgent, life or death? That's a bit melodramatic wouldn't you say?" chuckled Viscount Buckminster Hargrave, head of National Security.

"I'll take it," said Nick. The clerk stood nervously as the king read the clacks. "It appears that agents for the new patrician took Melissa Sand and Cholly Stein and are holding them in the Patricians Palace until we come and talk to the new Patrician."

The room burst into anger - "The nerve!" and "That's tantamount to a declaration of war!" and "I can muster five hundred knights and a thousand soldiers on foot!" and Ning's cry of "Let me call my guard!"

Trying to keep calm Nick wrote on a piece of paper - "Will arrive on tomorrow's train #8, will be at your office NLT 4:00 PM." He handed the paper to the clerk. "Send this as a reply, standard urgency." His hands were shaking, and Octavia looked at him with worry etched across her beautiful face. She was there the day that Nick rescued Cholly. She held the terrified, malnourished three-year-old Cholly all the way from Ankh-Morpork to Lancre and she wants him back.

<><><><><>

Octavia returned from the top of Bear Mountain where she and Virga, her walking stick, searched the Patrician's Palace and found evidence that Cholly and Melissa were being held in the palace dungeon, and that Patrician Havelock Vetinari was in the cell next to them. "If we show up tonight we will throw Simpkin off balance and while he's fumbling around, someone who can use a time bubble can release our friends."

"I come too," said Ning.

"Ning honey," said Octavia caressing her lover. "If you got hurt we would..."

"How you think every time you fly away, every time you face bad man that I feel? I could die!"

"Ok, come with but stay back out of trouble, and when we get back Finella is going to teach you how to fly, ok?"

Ning looked like a child that realized she was getting a pony for Hogswatch. "Ok!"

"Let's go," and the five stepped into L-Space in the King's Library and eventually stepped out of L-Space in the Unseen University Library. The Librarian was about to shout at them, then gave up, there's nothing he can do to stop them, and thanks to the queen he has an examination he needs to pass to keep his job, so he went back to studying.

They approached the Patrician's Palace and Nick said, "Go ahead you two, we'll give you ten minutes."

Exavier grinned, so much like his father, and said, "We got it," and they disappeared. Clearly they opened a time bubble and ran off between the seconds. They were probably in the dungeon already.

"I wonder what this new guy is like," muttered Octavia.

Just then Exavier and Finella appeared before Nick and grinning handed Nick a very expensive pen. "I couldn't help myself, could you give it back to him for me?" and giggling they disappeared again.

Ning started laughing but Octavia rolled her eyes heavenward and sighed, "that boy..."

"I think new guy is asshole," said Ning. "Instead of sending clacks and asking nice, he sends servant and demands then steals children and demands. Asshole."

"That about sums it up." The sun had set by the time ten minutes was up and the city was dark. "Let's go."

They entered the patrician's palace and approached the first guard. "I need to see the Patrician," said King Verence III.

"Da patrician only sees people wit da appointment..." suddenly the king had become a 500 lbs Tsortian mountain gorilla which picked up the guard and threw him across the room. The massive beast immediately returned to being a small dark-haired man with an eye patch who turned to the next Guard.

"I seem to be having a problem with the word 'No' today. Please escort us to the Patrician's office."

Shortly the pile of unconscious guards was about seven in total, broken limbs and bent swords stuck out of the pile. A guard who had no desire to join that heap of bodies nervously agreed to take them to the Patrician's office. As they walked to the office an assassin leapt out at them and fast as lightning Ning's dainty foot came up and connected with the assassin's windpipe. "Very nice!" said Nick as the assassin crumpled to the ground.

"I forgot to say 'Hiyaa!' Please don't tell Reziko."

Clearly Reziko was training his fellow Agatean. "We won't say a word to him," said Octavia.

The guard let them into the Patricians office and the new Patrician was there, and just in appearance he was the complete opposite of the previous patrician. Where Havelock Vetinari was tall, slim and suave, Fogworth Simpkin was short, fat, greasy, and balding. Where Havelock Vetinari was calm and well spoken, Fogworth Simpkin was a shouting, swearing semi-literate brute. Havelock Vetinari had the appeal of a wise yet stern scholar, while Fogworth Simpkin had all the appeal of long-lasting chronic diarrhea. Far off in the building could be heard sounds of things breaking but Fogworth Simpkin didn't seem to notice. "Ah, mister Worblehat-Stein, you're early. I was getting ready to retire, maybe we will talk tomorrow."

"In that case we will just take back what is ours and head back to Lancre while you rest up from your day's labors."

"Do you think that you can just waltz in here and take whatever you want then leave?" asked Simpkin with a grin of self-satisfaction.

Nick laid a very expensive looking pen on Fogworth Simkin's desk. "Yes."

Simpkin stared at the pen, his mouth opening and closing, his sweaty face began to turn red, then he began to scream. "Who the fuck do you think you are?!?"

"The king."

"I have over fifty guards on this palace, the dungeon spreads over a full square mile, I have wild dogs! Hungry Lions! Hyenas! What do you have?"

"A dragon."

Thinking of the little swamp dragons that the Duke of Ankh's wife raises, little flying cigar lighters, Simpkin just laughed. "The only way you're going to get back your children is if you hand over the axle to me."

So that's what it was. Nick was expecting a demand for gold or shares in Lake A'Tuin park, but that axle is priceless. "It's not mine to give you, it was a gift to the kingdom of Lancre and is now powering a system that purifies and delivers water to the people of Lancre." It also powers several machine shops and is a reason why the economy of Lancre is starting to boom.

"A waste! You could do so much more with that! Think of the machinery it could run!"

"I can't give it to you, neither will the next king or the king after that. Let me see Cholly and Melissa and we'll figure something out. I have a source of gold you might be interested in."

Fogworth Simpkin did something he rarely does - think. And he thought that he wasn't going to sway this short one-eyed guy with dark hair and a white beard, maybe he'll have better luck with the next king of Lancre. "Just go through that door, turn left at the end of the hall and tell the guard who you're looking for. After you see your people, come back and we'll talk."

"Thank you," said Nick and he, Octavia, and Ning crossed the office, and the guard opened the door for them, they hurried through, then the guard closed it.

Fogworth Simpkin chuckled, behind that door is The Pit. No one knows how deep it is, and the walls of The Pit are diabolically painted to give the illusion of a solid floor in the dimly lit area behind the door. Simpkin didn't hear the screams of their falling, he was getting a touch deaf, but he did hear a knocking. "Yes?"

The door in front of The Pit opened and Nick peeked his head in the Patrician's office. "Did you say turn left or turn right at the end of the hall?"

"Left," said Simpkin, completely in shock.

"Thank you," and Nick pulled the door closed.

"What the fuck?" Simpkin got up and dashed across his office and opened the door over the pit and there in the hallway on the other side of the pit was the King of Lancre and the two women. As they turned left, Simpkin dashed after him. About two minutes after he stopped screaming Simpkin was still falling but now he heard the sound of cloth ruffling in a strong breeze and he saw two bright blue points of light. "Is anyone there?"

"YES."

"Who the hell are you? Tell me!" Simpkin screeched.

Death prepared his scythe and said, "OH WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO BECOME AQUAINTED, THIS PIT IS QUITE DEEP, WE WON'T LAND FOR SOME TIME."

Nick, Octavia, and Ning entered the dungeon and found that there were unconscious guards laying at the door. Grabbing a torch, they began to walk along a corridor and the first cell they came to had two guards laying on the ground outside of the cell, the door was shattered and inside sat the Patrician, Havelock Vetinari. Havelock was probably six feet tall and exceedingly slim. His hair was jet black and trimmed and oiled; he wore a Van Dyke beard trimmed to a point. He was sitting in his cell dictating a letter to his secretary, Mr. Drumknott. Sitting in the corner was Cholly and Melissa. As Nick, Octavia, and Ning stepped into the cell, Vetinari closed out the letter he was dictating then looked up at Nick and said, "Your majesty, so good to see you."

Nick hugged Cholly and said, "It is good to see you too, Vetinari. I see that you are getting on well."

"I knew that you would be around soon," said Havelock. "I believe that Mister Simpkin mentioned your axle? I apologize but I knew he would draw you here and try to get his hands on it. What charade did he use?"

"He kidnapped my secretary," Nick said as he patted Cholly on the back. Octavia and Ning were calming down Melissa who was very upset at being kidnapped, dragged to Ankh-Morpork and thrown in a dungeon.

"I so apologize," said Havelock, and he actually sounded sincere. "The lad and his lady are in good health I assume, Ankh-Morpork will pay restitution to your man. I believe that it was your son that broke down the door. He's trying to locate someone for me right now."

"Yes, that was our youngest boy, Exavier," said Octavia, beaming with pride.

"Such a thoughtful young man, he immediately let Drumknott out so we could get to work. And who was that delightful young lady at his side? Heaven knows if I had met a charming delight like that I may not have gone into politics."

"That was his wife, Finella. They've been married a bit over two years now," said the proud queen.

"Two years! How time flies, I remember little Exie at his brother Marlon's wedding." Vetinari shook his head. "How did you find Mister Simpkin?"

"Remember trick we played on you with pit?" asked Ning referring to a party at the palace several years ago. "He fall for it."

As they talked the sounds of battle slowed and stopped and soon Exie peeked into the cell. "Found him!" he was supporting someone whose arm was over Exie's shoulders. As they stepped into the torch light Nick could see that it was Duke Samuel Vimes.

"Sam! Dear gods, what did they do to you?" cried Octavia. Several of the guards had clearly beaten the duke.

"I'm fine, I've had worse hangovers," the Duke of Ankh groaned.

"Exie, I'll help the duke, you fly over to Pseudopolis Yard and get some watch officers over here," said Nick as he put his arm around Sam and draped Sam's arm over his shoulder. "Are you able to walk Mister Vetinari?"

"Unfortunately, no. They have broken both of my ankles."

"Guard!" shouted Nick. When an armor covered thug arrived, Nick said, "Carry the Patrician to his desk."

"What if I don't?"

Nick nodded his head toward tiny, innocent-looking Ning. "She will beat you up."

"I do not tink I will help," said the guard who sounded as dumb as he looked.

As Octavia knelt to check Havelock's ankles, Nick started moving Sam to the staircase and said, "Ning, don't forget your 'Hiyaa' this time. Cholly, Melissa, follow me."

"Thank you love," said Ning. Moments later a tiny but enthusiastic "Hiyaa" could be heard, and the guard sailed out of the cell doorway and slammed into the opposite wall.

"Do you remember Cholly, Sam?" Nick asked. "He was one of the first I rescued from Peach Pie Street."

"No, but there's more where he came from," groaned Sam as Nick and Cholly set him down on a comfortable couch.

"Cholly, could you send a clacks to Sebastian Dashwood and ask if we could use his railcar again tonight? I'm expecting our party of five plus eight passengers."

"Yes, sire, anything else?"

"When finish sending the clacks, swing by Peach Pie Street and find us eight passengers."

<><><><><>

In a couple of hours Nick stepped aboard the private railcar Lucricia von Überwald with a tiny, shivering, terrified girl in his arms. "Good evening your majesty," said Igor, the bartender, cook, and porter of the Lucricia von Überwald. "A little late in the year for our occasional adventure, is it not?"

"First chance we had," said Nick. "Four girls and four boys this time, all under the age of five."

"My gods sir, under the age of five? What is Ankh-Morpork coming to?" Igor is rightly described as a self-made man. In the dark, dreary castles of Überwald an Igor is quite handy to have as a butler, or lab assistant to the very maddest of scientists. When attempting to reanimate life an Igor is what is needed most. An Igor will find the very best body parts in their late-night searches through the graveyards for all your mad scientist needs and use many of them on themselves. This Igor has three arms, a blue eye and a brown eye, one ear is much larger than the other, and it is said that his wife is a very, very happy woman. Finella stepped aboard and Exavier started handing little children up to her, and soon they were huddled in the center of the room and Igor started setting large bowls of hot water out along with soap, towels, and washcloths.

"Igor, this is Grant, Isabell, Davie, Anna May, Tam, Chloe, Keith, and this little one doesn't have a name yet." The little girl Nick was caring for couldn't be older than two years old, and it looks like she had been on the street for a couple of weeks and was slowly starving to death. She wouldn't have made it to Hogswatch season which is when the people of Ankh-Morpork become a bit more generous. "What's your name little one?" Nick asked as he and Octavia cleaned her up. All she was wearing was a shift, her tiny feet were cut and bruised and cold, hair matted and face terrified. Her huge brown eyes took in everything that happened around her, but her expression never changed. She just watched everything in terror and shivered.

"She don't have a name," said Isabell, who was the self-assigned house mother to this group.

"I think I'll name you Cholline, do you like that? Cholline Stein."

"What is this?" Melissa Sand asked Finella. In the past five days she met the king, met the man she's falling in love with, met the duke, ate dinner in a pub for the first time ever, got abducted and put in prison, released from prison by the king, then she and Cholly dug eight children out of a pile of barrels and boxes and marched them to a train station.

"This is what we do, occasionally we rescue street children and bring them back to Lancre."

"For servants," said Melissa. "Very wise."

"No! for students. Cholly was the first, and he became one of our best students, he's now becoming the king's secretary. Other students are working as shopkeepers, machine builders, all kinds of things." {Since actual machines are fairly new to Lancre, machine builders are the rocket scientists of the Ramtop Mountains}

"He never told me that," said Melissa. "Cholly is almost royalty," she gasped and watched Cholly wash the feet of a small boy.

"Better than Royalty," said Finella. "When the day is done, his job is over and he can go out and relax. Our day doesn't end."

"Are you royalty?" asked Melissa. "But you're so nice."

"I'm new at it."

"Mister?" started a little boy around a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly sandwich, "you're not going to send us back, are you?"

"That's Davie," said Isabell. "He worries about everything."

"If anyone wants to go back, I'll take you back after you eat. Otherwise, how would you kids like to go with us and live in a castle with a bunch of other kids who used to live right were you lived?"

"You're not going to do something weird, are you?" asked Davie.

"Yes, that lady there and that man, who is my son, is going to give you clothes, and beds, and you're going to live with about twenty-five other kids and learn to read and write and take baths."

Chloe, a tiny Agatean girl, walked up to Ning and wordlessly held her arms up. The sandwich in her hand did not have a bite taken out yet. "She doesn't talk, she just makes noises," said Isabell, and the other kids nodded as they ate ravenously.

"Kělián de nǚ yīng!" {poor baby girl!} said Ning as she picked Chloe up, and suddenly Chloe's eyes widened, and she began chattering in Agatean.

Speaking in Agatean Ning said, "It's ok, you have a home now and I will help you with the words." After they talked, Chloe began to eat. "Her name is Xun Shu Lau, her parents had a restaurant and some bad men killed them."

"Probably loan sharks," said Carrot Ironfounderson as he stepped aboard the rail car. "It happens quite often to immigrants who open a business in the shades.

"Commander Carrot, so pleasant to see you!" said Octavia shaking his hand.

"It's just Carrot now. I was offered a retirement by the new Patrician and Angua is running the watch. I took a job with the railroad as head of security."

"Well, this is what it looks like," said Nick as he tuned a guitar by ear, "and I'm sure the patrician has no complaint about it."

"Simpkin will probably try to find a way to make money off of your largess," said an uncharacteristically dour Carrot.

"He stepped out. Havelock Vetinari is back in charge."

"Praise the gods!" sighed Carrot. "Did you hear that honey?" A very pregnant Angua stepped into the rail car.

"I heard dear." She winced and clutched her stomach; it was clear that she didn't care at the time. Nick leapt up and offered his seat to her and she said, "Thank you your majesty. We are going to Überwald, I want to have our baby at home."

When she eased into the chair, Nick began to give her a quick examination. "Did you tell your mom that you're on your way?"

"No, we tend to drop in whenever we are in the mood for some good home cooking." Lady Sarafina von Überwald has an Igor who is one of the finest chefs in the world.

"Cholly, I need you to run to the Clacks office, tell the palace we are coming in on train #7, we need transportation for twelve along with coats, stockings and hats for eight children ages five to two. Got that?"

"Yes your majesty."

"Then send one to Lady Sarafina and let her know that her daughter is arriving at Bonk on #7 with a surprise for her." With a grin Cholly dashed off, then Nick turned to Angua who was struggling to find a comfortable position in that big plush easy chair. "You'll stay in this car, with us." When Carrot started to complain, Nick said, "Witches orders!"

After feeding the children, Nick began to play the guitar and said, "All little kids need to know this song if they want to stay in my castle," and he started to play Tusker the Magic Draught Hog, a silly Hogswatch song about one of the Hogfather's pigs. The children all knew it except Xun Shu. After their sing along the children were given some fruit juice and were allowed to put their hands on Angua's tummy to feel the baby move, then they took off their clothes and climbed in bed in one of the compartments that Igor made up. The four boys shared the top two bunks, and the four girls were on the bottom. All except for little Xun Shu who fell asleep in Ning's arms with an angelic smile on her tiny face, Ning didn't want to put her down. Cholline was the same, she made herself at home in Melissa's lap and would spend the rest of the trip to Lancre town there.

Eventually the train began to move and as it bounced and swayed across the Sto Plains, Angua went into labor. "Can you walk, dear?" asked Nick. Angua tried to get up and even with Nick's help she couldn't get up. "Carrot, you need to pick up Angua and carry her into that compartment and lay her down. Just then the conductor stepped into the car.

"Tickets?"

"I have seven adults and eight children under five," said Nick and he handed the Conductor a gold ingot.

"Sir! I can't make change for this!"

"Keep it."

Watching Angua grimace in a labor contraction the conductor handed it back, "for the baby, your majesty."

"Thank you, but right now I have to do my witch thing." He stepped into the compartment and with Octavia's help they helped Carrot and Angua who were utterly confused about the whole situation.

All in all, it was an easy delivery for a first child, which was always the most difficult. The mother's body knows what needs to be done, but having no experience her body isn't quite sure what to do, but Nick knew, and he guided Angua and Carrot through the procedure. The train was starting to make its assent into the Ramtop Mountains when the cries of a baby were heard in the rail car and Nick got the say the words he loved to say the most, "Daddy, name your son!"

"It's a boy?" whimpered Angua joyfully.

"Verence," said Carrot as he gazed at the tiny miracle in his arms. "We name you Verence after the man who saved Ankh-Morpork, and you!"

Nick and Octavia finished helping Angua through the procedure then stepped outside the compartment and Igor handed them a drink. "What is it?" asked Octavia.

"Somethings you should never ask," said Igor, "but you both look like you need it."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Attacks on the throne of Lancre had stopped with Fogworth Simpkin's aborted attempt at getting the axle. His two-month rule of Ankh-Morpork had done an incredible amount of damage to the watch and to the functioning of the Ankh-Morpork government and Nick probably saved the city by dispatching Simpkin to the depths of hell with a simple act of levitation, the first magic Octavia ever learned.

Simpkin had filled the offices in the Patricians Palace with cronies and gambling buddies and shattered a well-oiled machine with uncontrolled graft. Havelock Vetinari has no argument with graft, in its purest form graft is the lubrication for the engine of government, but Simpkin overlubricated the machinery. In the end Nick got with Havelock Vetinari and explained what he did with his most difficult prisoners.

Within the month a ship departed from Quirm loaded down with Simkin's appointees, cronies, and people that angered Vetinari, many without knowing it. They were in for a six-month cruise to the Land Way Over. Four Ecks would have dozens of new sheep wranglers to work on the huge sheep stations of Four Ecks for ten to twenty years each.

That year at Hogswatch, Havelock Vetinari was invited to spend the holidays and recuperate in Lancre Castle with Nick and his family. Havelock wasn't going to go but Drumknott accepted the invitation in his name without telling him. In a few weeks Havelock Vetinari and Drumknott rode to Lancre aboard the Lady Lucricia, Sebastian and Lucricia Dashwood's newest private railcar. "I am here involuntarily," he told the King of Lancre as Nick welcomed him to the palace.

"I heard that rumor," said Nick as he led Havelock to his room in what is now called Queen Magrat's Tower. Vetinari walked on two canes after his handling by Simpkin's Guards, and he refused to use crutches. "This is a full suite, we have indoor plumbing here, the fireplace in the central room radiates heat to all bedrooms, your bedroom is this one here," and he opened the bedroom door to show Havelock that his bags were already in the bedroom.

Havelock looked around and even tried the faucet in the small sink and it produced sweet Lancre spring water. "You never said who was in the other bedrooms... your majesty?" Havelock stepped out into the living room. "Your majesty?" but it was apparent that the king had left.

A door opened and Havelock heard a familiar voice. "Havelock mine zilly boy, it hast been too long."

He turned and saw a woman, not very tall, and attractive in a slightly fussy sort of way with dark hair. "Lady Margolotta Amaya Katerina Assumpta Crassina Von Überwald," said Havelock kissing her hand. "It has been far too long. Do you still have that black leather and rubber frock?"

"Come und find out," she said as she drew him into her bedroom.

<><><><><>

That evening at the Hogswatch dinner, Vetinari sat at the Überwald table with Lady Margolotta von Überwald, Lady Sarafina von Überwald and her daughter Angua, with Carrot, and Little Verence (he's so cute!), Rufus Drumknott and Lady Margolotta's librarian Miss Healstether, and of course, the Archchancellor of the Unseen University Sebastian Dashwood and his wife Lady Lucricia von Überwald.

They survived the billowy reception line where everyone wanted to shake King Verence III's hand (just to be close to the vivacious Queen Octavia) and the Hogswatch Waltz where nearly the entire King's College dominated the dance floor and all young couples from the King's College danced in sync with all the other young couples making the lovely dance a joy to watch. In the middle of the whirling couples were the royal thruple who were able to make the waltz a trio.

At dinner the talk was of course about the near collapse of Ankh-Morpork and new children that joined the college. As usual the king's family was fed first and when they finished eating they picked up their instruments and played to entertain the dining guests. Finella rose to direct the choir of King's College and as always their music was divine. When they finished their songs Havelock Vetinari and Lady Sybil Vimes stepped up to the low stage and Havelock said, "If I could have your attention... This year misfortune fell upon Ankh-Morpork, and we were unable to deal with it, and for that we almost ceased to exist as a city. Our problems spilled over to Lancre who was recovering from their own problems, it appears we had a mutual summer of miscontent.

"It was your king, and queens who set Lancre on the right track, and then they came to do the same for Ankh-Morpork. Critics may say that it was the proper use of a simple magic trick, but the magic was once again rescuing the poorest and weakest of us. King Verence III, Queen Octavia, Queen Ning Hau Chung, I would like to award you with the Ankh-Morpork Legion of Merit Award and thank you personally for saving our city." He hung a brightly colored ribbon with golden medal around their necks and shook their hands as all rose and applauded.

That quickly changed the subject of conversation to - whatever came over Havelock Vetinari?

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Seven months later Nick called the wedding of Cholly Stein and Melissa Sand the event of the summer and he handed them an official proclamation naming them the adoptive parents of Cholline who cleaned up to be an amazingly pretty little girl.

Lancre moved into a state of respair, a return of hope after the attacks on Verence II and Verence III. Lancre felt safe and secure with her new borders and the outer baronies became peaceful and no longer envied the perceived riches of Lancre because they were now part of the kingdom and a vital part of those perceived riches.

As the years drifted past the royal thruple's favorite pastime was flying from the castle over to Bear Mountain as eagles to soak their aching bodies in the hot springs or make gentle love in the underground garden.

Octavia remembered the first time they made love there; she was eight months pregnant with Marlon and felt so fat and unattractive that she could almost cry. But Nick made love to her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world, and to him she was and always has been.

Sometimes they would fly all the way to the other side of Bear Mountain and visit with Axemir and Eryri who were starting to gray, as all dwarves coming into their prime will do. Other times they would fly to Lake A'Tuin and spend a couple of days in a small fishing cabin, living like they did when they were young and living in Nana Partridge's cottage.

Their unannounced vacations drove security crazy but mostly they were showing Octavia how old Nick and Ning were getting. Their flights grew shorter and shorter until hops from the palace to Nana Partridge's cottage to see Mark, Hollie, and the grandchildren grew too difficult. Soon flying stopped all together.

After a meeting of his court where the king seemed to have forgotten so much, Nick took Marlon Sr. aside and asked, "how close is Marlon to taking over as Duke of Wægn?"

"He's ready. He had the farming down pat, we reviewed the accounts for the duchy, he has a good grasp on it." Marlon was proud of his son's training. Of course, Marlon jr. didn't have a war to give him a trial by fire, but he's doing fine. "What is wrong Dad?"

"I think for his birthday I am going to give you the throne of Lancre. I... I am not doing as well as I should. I can only serve Lancre properly now by handing her over to my son."

"Are you ok?" Marlon was worried. His mom looked great but Dad and Ning look old and tired.

"It's getting harder to get up the stairs for Ning and myself."

"Any time you need to step back, I will be ready. Any time." And he hugged his dad and all he could feel was bones.

That night Marlon sat up staring at the fire as it burned down in the main fireplace of Wægn Manor. Annette, still as slim and tiny as the day they married came into the living room and curled up in Marlon's lap. "Is there a problem your grace?" She meant it as a joke, but she saw the look on his face when she curled up.

"It's dad, I don't think he has long."

"I don't think so either," she whispered. "I didn't want to alarm you but he's not looking good."

"Who's not looking good?" asked Corina. Marlon and Annette looked up and there was Corina and Marlon Jr., and they probably heard every word.

"Your grandfather."

"Why don't you let him retire?" asked Corina.

"Marlon, are you ready to take over the duties of Duke?"

"If it will help grandpa, yes."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow," said Marlon with a sad frown.

It was a blustery winter day when Marlon walked from the Duke's manor, a house that Nick built twice to live in but never saw the interior until a month after Marlon and Annette moved in. "Good morning, your grace," said the Watch guard that escorted him to the palace. It's been quiet and peaceful for the past ten years and there really hasn't been a need for a guard while Marlon walked to the palace or Annette moved around Creel Springs. He met up with his father in the small dining room in the king's apartment, the king was wearing a couple of sweaters as he sipped his tea and ate one scrambled egg. Ning too was wearing sweaters and shivering, and she was eating some kind of vegetable hash with chopsticks.

"Dad," said Marlon, as he sat down at the table with his parents. "I talked it over with junior, we're both ready whenever you are. You could be somewhere warm right now if you wanted. It's warm in Agatea right now isn't it? or you could go to Four Ecks, or anywhere else."

"No, Lancre is my home, and has been for almost fifty years, I just can't go."

"Then move in to Wægn Manor, you designed it big enough to hold all of us comfortably. You'll be back in Creel Springs, you love it there, you could go back to work at your bookstore."

"You know how I can tell I'm not senile?" asked Nick. "Because I'm not angry that you want to take the throne. It's natural, a good king should want the throne." He stared at his egg which suddenly looked revolting. "A good king knows when to let go of the throne." He sipped his tea, but he was no longer thirsty. "J..." he almost called for Juju, but Juju was long gone. The sweet thing passed away several Hogswatch eves ago. "I need a drink..." He got up and left the apartment.

Marlon got up to follow him, but Octavia stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm. "Let him go. He needs to think it out. Just stay in case we need a king to step in."

<><><><><>

In a dusty bar that doubles as a library for a university an old man with an eye patch sat drinking alone in the corner. It was hot there, but he was wearing two sweaters, pajama bottoms and bedroom slippers. Only the bartender knows him, and that's because the previous bartender knew him and introduced the old man to the new bartender.

"Ya good there mate? Ya want another?"

"I'm good," mumbled the old man.

Nick stared at his beer, so many friends gone, it's not that he's out living them, he just made good friends with older people. The thought almost made him laugh, but now his court was all younger than he was, and he wasn't depending on their knowledge and experience to carry the day, they were depending on his. Only Preston Prescott, the Duke of Lancre remains and he is planning to step down after Hogswatch. How many years ago was it when they met on Hogswatch? What he would give to live that day again...

"There you are honey," said Octavia as she sat down next to Nick. "Are you ok?"

"No, I'm remembering."

"Come on, you have a few children that want to sing for you."

Nick nodded sadly. "I'll be along, let me finish this," and he sipped his beer. Octavia gazed at the man who gave her six children, and eighteen grandchildren, the youngest is Dexter Trei Worblehat-Stein, Exie named his son after two dear friends of Nick's. It feels like her love for him has grown exponentially over the years. He finished his beer and wound his scarf around his neck and said, "let's go." She helped him to his feet, and they walked back into the bookshelves of the library.

"That's just not right, the old feller's daughter come to get him."

"That was his wife," said the bartender.

"Pull the other one mate, it's got bells on it."

"Kid you not cobber, that was the king of Lancre and his wife the wizard."

"Strewth!"

"Fair dinkum. It's ridgie didge."

"Bloody hell," said the patron sadly.

<><><><><>

Nick addressed his court at their usual Thursday meeting. "I wish to apologize to you all, over the past weeks... months... I have become forgetful and have not had a very positive influence on this body. On Octdays I become abrupt and ill-tempered over items that I normally found amusing. On Wednesdays I've been struggling staying awake through the ceremony." Nick realized that for the first time in a long time he had the full attention of his court. They were all staring at him, wondering what he was going to say next.

"Therefore, effective on Ick First, Hogswatch day I am retiring and handing my crown to Crown Prince Marlon. Until that time, I..." He turned his head as if he heard a voice. "I'm sorry, I have something I must attend to." He left the court room, and the room was silent.

"Mother? Will you stay on as wizard?" asked Marlon as he moved to the king's seat.

"Of course, but... you start making your plans, I need to find the king." Octavia dashed from the courtroom and looked around wherever Nick would normally be. She first checked his study, he's almost always there throwing darts, then she checked the kitchens, he loved the warmth and the ability to snack without her interference, she checked the college, but the students were gone, they were practicing for the Hogswatch dinner.

She eventually found Nick in the main hall, the staff was hanging the glorious decorations, the string octet was practicing, and the King's College students were practicing the Hogswatch Waltz. Nick was sitting in a comfortable chair next to Ning and they were sipping eggnog as they listened to the music.

Octavia sat down next to Nick and said, "what was that?"

"What was what, dear?"

"You looked like you heard something then you said there was something to attend to?"

"A little bit of drama. They'll all think I'm crazy now and they'll have to let me go."

"Did you tell them?" asked Ning.

"Yes."

"Good!"

Nick watched the decorations going up and said, "Verence used to love this, he couldn't wait to retire so he could sit right here and watch, all day long... I forgot how beautiful they were. I had so many other things on my mind..." He sighed and looked at the beautiful frosted evergreen boughs, the glittering ornaments and tinsel while the beautiful Hogswatch carols filled his head and the tears started running down his cheek. "We had this every year at the cottage, it was so joyful... I should have told him no... I should have said no!" His body shuddered as he held back the tears. "I never wanted this..."

Octavia watched in shock as Ning began crying too... she thought he loved caring for this kingdom, she didn't realize how much he gave up when he left the farm and moved into the castle.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

They had a few quiet years of retirement. Nick, Ning, and Octavia remained in the castle, and they lived in a suite in "Maggy's Tower." With Ning at his side knitting socks, hats, and sweaters for the great grandchildren here and in Agatea, Nick spent most of his time in the meditation garden with a pad of paper writing his memoirs which Cholly helped edit. "Cholly, you're the king's secretary," Nick said on his first day of retirement, "what are you doing here?"

"I never said I was the king's secretary; I've always said that I'm your secretary. We're going to write your story." With Octavia's help they wrote his story, it was full of love and laughter, but often times it was terrifying, and just as often it was utterly sorrowful and several times Cholly had to call a stop to the day's work so he could go to his castle apartment to Melissa and hold her tight and thank the 37 gods he did not believe in for not making him King of Lancre.

When they finished the book, Nick said, "There is a room in the castle that only Marlon can open." He tapped Cholly on the chest with a bony finger. "You put the original manuscript there, and there are several red sacks there. You take one for yourself and one for your children." Then turning to Marlon Nick said, "Please... if you love me, make this happen. Cholly is your youngest brother, he deserves..." and the former king began coughing.

"That enough for one day," said Ning without looking up from her knitting.

"Yes dad," said the King of Lancre, and Marlon led Cholly upstairs to the King's Library. They emerged in the castle on Bear Mountain and stepped out of a beautiful library into a long corridor that was lit from unseen sources. "This is the location of the first indoor plumbing in all of Lancre," said Marlon proudly. "A gift dad made for mom." Across the hall from the library was a door that when Marlon opened it revealed a vault door. "This is dad's safe; we believe it is invulnerable to the forces of everything including time." He spun the ornate dial. "Even the combination is a tribute to mom," he said as he spun 80-18-8.

Opening the door, the vault wasn't very deep, you could step into it and the shelves that lined the vault were filled with trinkets and treasures that were important to Nick and Octavia and no one else. This was their scrapbook. Marlon's first shoes, a bone that Remy loved to carry around, Hollie's first dolly, the first fishing pole that Exavier ever made... Marlon opened a drawer and Cholly placed the manuscript in there. Then Marlon opened another door in the vault and that compartment was filled with red sacks. "Here, dad insists," and he handed Cholly two red velvet sacks that were incredibly heavy.

Later that evening, Cholly and Melissa looked at the stacks of gold coins on their table. "My gods, what are we going to do with this?"

"Go buy a house, or a farm. Dad doesn't want you cooped up in this castle," said Exavier when Cholly asked him. "Go somewhere and enjoy life, but save some, dad was always a believer in saving money."

After the book was completed and a copy turned over to a publisher Nick got very quiet. He stopped throwing darts; he even stopped visiting the Kings College. Then came the day that Ning softly said, "Wǒ xiǎng huí jiā." {I want to go home}. King Pommeraie I {Marlon} had the royal carriage brought around and four guards carried Ning out in a sedan chair. It was a warm autumn day and the tiny Agatean weakly said, "Go over the hill." They took the long way to Creel Springs, over Breeders Peak Pass, none of them remembered when the last time they rode a carriage over this hill was, they almost exclusively used the tunnel so they forgot how beautiful this road could be. The autumn colors were breathtaking and Ning was so happy. "Stop here," she said as they reached the summit. They sat up there in the brisk air sipping apple cider and looking at the beautiful foliage. "I love you both so much... thank you for this."

Nick and Octavia kissed the little woman and Octavia said, "Anything for you my darling."

"Now I can go home," Ning whispered, and there at the summit in the arms of her lovers she took her last breath.

"GĒN WǑ LÁI," {Come with me} said Death as the spirit of Ning stepped out of the carriage and Death led her away. Nick and Octavia wept loudly all the way back to the castle, but Nick felt so jealous. Ning was done with the pain and cold, and exhaustion.

"She was so tired," he said through his tears, trying to calm Octavia. "She was sick darling. When she said she wanted to go home, I don't think she meant Agatea." But his words crushed his heart and they caused Octavia to weep louder. They still wanted their Agatean love at their side.

"Not again..." was all Octavia could say.

Ning's funeral was a state affair, she was buried as Ambassador to the Throne of Lancre and Consort to the King, and it was the first public affair that Nick attended since he retired. He was at Marlon's coronation and a guest at the Hogswatch dinner, and that was the last time he was seen in public. Wearing white, the color of mourning in Agatea, Nick and Octavia guarded her coffin until her son Jia could come. "Qǐng bǎ tā liú gěi wǒmen ba," {Please, leave her with us} Nick begged Emperor Jia.

"It is where she belongs, my teacher," the emperor said as he gently patted Nick on the shoulder. The next day they laid Octavia's and Nick's wife and lover to rest in the royal cemetery.

After that, it appeared to everyone that Nick stopped trying to live. He wandered about the castle stunned, then on King Pommeraie's birthday, when everyone was celebrating "Dragon Day" in Hunghung City, he wandered off and fell and wasn't found for several hours. It was the guard Janel, daughter of much-loved Magdalina that found him. She quickly called for a witch and carried him in her arms back to his room.

After that, King Verence III ended up in a wheelchair. The only thing that kept him alive was the sight of his beautiful wife. Cholly could never forgive himself for letting the king fall, and the secretary became a nurse and dressed him, bathed him, fed him and wheeled him everywhere. However, the only place Nick wanted to be was the meditation garden, and Cholly and Octavia brought him there every day until that day in June when he never got up again.

"I'm sorry dearest, but I'm so tired and you're so beautiful."

Octavia climbed in bed with Nick and said, "What do you mean my love?"

"Break this enchantment and find a young man..."

"Enchantments can't be broken, not even in death you silly king."

"I love you," he whispered, then said, "I'm so tired."

When Nick opened his eyes again there was Hollie and Mark and their boys. The youngsters were terrified of Nick, what does a teenager say to a dying man?" They all said, "I love you," as did Marlon's family, Lou and Marti, Loo-Loo and Reziko, Exie and Finella, Gwendolyn and Pavel, Cholly and Melissa and all twenty grandchildren (counting Cholline and her sister Daniella). He tried to say "I love you" to all of them, but he wasn't sure if he stayed awake for all of that.

The next time he opened his eyes a tall figure in a black shroud was standing by the bed with Gaspode at his feet and Octavia was pleading with him, "Please, don't take him again!"

Death looked at her slightly confused then said to Nick, "I TOLD YOU OUR NEXT MEETING WOULD BE OUR LAST."

"I remember, but I really love her," said Nick's spirit feeling depressed in death. "I can't go."

"YOU ARE ALREADY GONE."

Nick sadly realized that he was looking down on his body, and he looked around trying to see Octavia, but he couldn't see beyond the veil. "Octavia! I love you!" he shouted.

"ODD, THAT FEELING NEVER GOES BEYOND THIS POINT..." Death actually looked uncomfortable. Then gathering himself Death asked, "YOU DON'T MIND IF I OCCASIONALLY WALK YOUR DOG, DO YOU?"

Nick's spirit looked around then leaned forward squinting, trying to see Octavia but Death put a boney hand on his shoulder and led him away.

"NO!" shrieked Octavia, her voice rang through the tower. "NOT AGAIN!" and with a shriek of heart-breaking sorrow that threatened to shatter everyone's ear drums, she slowly disappeared, but her weeping could be heard in the tower for over an hour... "Not again," her voice repeated.

"What... what was that?" All eight had gathered around their father in his last moments and they witnessed their father dying and they saw their mother disappear. The same thoughts were on all their minds. "What did we just see?" and "Why did she say not again?"

The state funeral for the beloved King Verence III and Queen Octavia was a somber affair, and it was held on June 15th, Black Wednesday the same day that Verence II died so long ago. The moment that the couple departed the skies grew dark and the clouds gathered. It is said by those that could see the stars that the A'Tuin the great space turtle that Nick once saved drastically changed course that day and was facing the nebula where her children grazed on interstellar plankton. Nick loved that turtle, was his love reciprocated?

As they lowered Octavia's empty casket to rest next to Nick's casket, gentle rains started, and the Ankh-Morpork Times Ramtop Mountain Edition said that Lancre wept for the king that loved her like a lover. After the graves were filled in and the base for the headstone that included Ning was set, the gentle rain became a downpour. Water rushed through the streets of every town and village in the kingdom, scouring the cobblestones clean and washing the litter and debris to the municipal dump at what was once the tiny duchy of Cystern. Eight days of rain washed Lancre, bringing everything to a halt and in the pubs the old timers that knew Nick commiserated.

"'e once sentenced me to two weeks of sweepin' streets 'e did!" said Goudy Stout as he slammed his mug down on the table. "Fer litterin'!"

"And you did such a fine job I hired ya," said Farnworthy Candlechrome, owner of Candlechrome Convoy, a company that started out hauling trash and ended up with the largest fleet of mule drawn and oxen drawn heavy wagons in the Ramtops. "We both made our fortunes on the justice of King Verence III," and he raised his mug. "May King Pommy rein like 'is dad did."

"Hear hear!" cried the rest of the denizens of the pub.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

After a week the rains stopped and the sun came out, bright and warm. Lancre Town never looked cleaner. Even the air was scrubbed of dust so the daylight was exceptionally bright and the shadows deep and black. Not knowing what else to do, Llywellyn and Llywella were in the bookstore trying to decide what books that Nick had stacked up waiting for repair were most urgent. Then a customer wearing fancy high-heeled riding boots, a riding cloak which showed off the fancy ruffled sleeves, a flat-topped wide brim hat with a large, extravagant plume, a musket at her right hip and a rapier on her left. Behind her walked a walking stick made of sapient pearwood {Sapient Pearwood is a magical wood grown on the mysterious Counterweight Continent and the wood's most interesting magical property is its ability to follow its owner. Luggage made of Sapient Pearwood will never get lost}

She turned and removed the large wooden knob from the top of her walking stick and handed it to Loo-Loo. "Mom?" gasped Loo-Loo.

"Please give that to your Aunt Eryri and Uncle Axemir, they were so kind to let me use it..."

"Mom, what...?"

"It is very valuable, the Eye of Knute. I suppose they will give it to Queen Rhysdottir for all the dwarves..." Octavia didn't appear to understand that the twins were in shock at her appearance.

"Mom," demanded Lou, "what happened?"

Octavia adjusted her flashy high collared cape and said, "Nothing happened. After..." she couldn't bring herself to say, 'your father died,' so she just skipped past that part, "I went to be alone and think for a while."

"What did you mean when you said, 'Not Again?' You said it a lot." However, Octavia ignored Loo-Loo's question and it was clear to Lou and Loo-Loo that their mother wasn't thinking quite right. Loo-Loo tried again, "So what are you doing now? Are you coming back to the castle?"

"Eventually." She took a key on a ribbon from around her neck and handed it to Loo-Loo. "There should be another key in that desk drawer for your brother." She gave Lou and Loo-Loo a kiss on the cheek and sighed, "twins... your father was so happy and proud when you were born..." She glanced at the bookshelves and said, "I have to go."

"Where are you going?"

With a big happy smile, she put a hand on each of her twins' shoulders, they looked so... grown up yet she looked nearly ten years younger than them. With a smile that they hadn't seen in years she said, "I'm going to go be with your father and your grandfather." She looked so insanely happy, and with a whirl she turned toward the bookshelves and strode into L-Space, the walking stick trotting along behind her.

As the queen disappeared from her shocked children, a woman appeared before them. She was tall and slim with black hair and almond shaped eyes of the Agatean, and she wore a flowing silk black and red dress. "We need to talk," said Time.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

L-Space, that magical yet fully scientific connection between collections of books, held many mysteries. A librarian properly trained in navigating L-Space can step into their collection of books and reappear almost anywhere else, at any time else if they were good. It takes the training of a Master Librarian to properly navigate L-Space, but Octavia is a Senior Master Librarian, and she can make L-Space sing and dance for her.

The librarian of the Unseen University's huge collection of magic books made his usual evening rounds, calming nervous magical tomes that were scared of the dark, checking the chains on dangerous grimoires in case they break free and cause havoc, guiding lost freshmen out of the library and giving them a banana. Then he swung to the top of a bookcase to wait, his daughter should be back soon for a visit!

Due to his tiny legs, the librarian is short, maybe four foot tall, but he has an arm span of nearly double that which is very handy for reshelving books. He's covered in orange hair like an orangutan because he actually is an orangutan. He was changed in a magical explosion and has resisted all attempts to change back because it's actually fun to be able to swing from the rafters. That night he wrapped in his warm blanket and waited.

His waiting was soon rewarded, a figure emerged from L-Space and stepped into the librarian's line of sight moving stealthily through the stacks. Whoever it was wore fancy high-heeled riding boots, a riding cloak which showed off the fancy ruffled sleeves, a flat-topped wide brim hat with a large, extravagant plume, a musket at his right hip and a rapier on his left. He was followed by a walking stick made of sapient pearwood. The swordsman was the epitome of fashionable mayhem, and he was looking for something.

"Psssst!" the figure hissed quietly, it looked around and was looking up and the Librarian could see his fashionable raven locks, but his face was obscured by a velvet mask. "Pssst!" the swordsman insisted again as he crouched and peered into the darkness. Then the swordsman said something that confused and terrified the Librarian... "Oook."

Oook? He said Oook? Silently the Librarian dropped from the branches, the battle howls of generations of ape ancestors rang in his ears as he sailed down on his intruder. He landed on the swordsman and drove him into the ground producing a loud "Oof" from the mystery man.

"Oook!" angrily whispered the Librarian {they are in a library after all} and he yanked down the intruder's mask. Rather than having the well-trimmed goatee and perfectly coifed mustache as required by the Musketeer's Guild, the swordsman was perfectly shaved, but there was no scent of Bay Rum or other such old spices, which would mean that this was a... a... swordswoman!

The intruder smiled up at him and whispered, "Daddy, it's me, Octavia."

"Oook?" The librarian nearly shouted in shock.

"Sshh! This is a library, not a rugby match," she scolded.

"Oook," he whispered apologetically.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

"... she disappeared into the bookshelves," said Lou as he related the details of his mother's visitation to his brothers and sisters. All six were sitting in the courtroom, doors locked against intruders.

"Why didn't you follow her?" Marlon asked.

"Because" said Loo-Loo finishing Lou's sentence as she always did, "a lady appeared and said we had to talk about it with her."

"That was probably Time," said Gwen. "Tall? Agatean eyes? Black and red dress?"

When Lou and Loo-Loo nodded, Exavier said, "Yep, Time. We've had a few chats." Exie was always in trouble with Time.

Loo-Loo continued, "She said that this was the eighth time that mom has lived her life. When Dad dies, she freaks out and goes back to when she met him, and they start over."

"She's not immortal," said Lou, "but she ages incredibly slowly."

Loo-Loo continued, "Time is worried because she says mom's freak-out gets worse every time, she's terrified that the next time will be the worst. Like everyone says, the eighth time counts for all." {Actually, only people on the discworld and those that only have two fingers left say that}

"Mom is incredibly more powerful than anyone realizes, and she can fix it, whatever the problem is, but Time can't get through to her, she's tried seven times. Time also said that Marlon and Exavier knows how to make this the last time," said Lou.

"Us? Why would Exie and I know..." then the realization dawned on him. "Our magic, right?"

"That has to be it, only you, dad and Exie have that magic from the ancient elves."

"And Finella..." Exie wondered why... the introduction to the elven book of magic Vanemate Rasside Jõud said the magic chooses you... you can't pick up the book and teach it to yourself, which is what he and Finella did... or where they chosen by the book? "We need the book."

"Go get it."

"No, I think it needs to remain in the castle, I'll get the translation and meet you there." He ran back to his apartment and Chollie and Melissa were there visiting. "Honey, we need the elven translation."

"What's going on?"

"Mom, she's not dead, she's time traveling, we're trying to fix it."

Finella looked at Melissa who said, "I'll watch the kids."

"Thank you dear," said Cholly and he followed Finella and Exie into the King's Library L-Space and ended up in the elven redoubt that they always called the castle. Marlon had converted one of the empty rooms into a study room and they gathered around a table and considered Vanemate Rasside Jõud which still showed Nick's skill at book bindery and gold leaf lettering. It sat in the center of the table daring anyone to touch it.

"This is silly," scoffed Hollie, "it's just a book." She reached for it, but Marlon grabbed her arm. "Wait. You're not pregnant, are you?"

"No!" Hollie glared at her brother. "You're not thinking of doing something weird, are you?"

"No, it's just... mom was...is an incredibly powerful wizard and all of us were born with or picked up something... you learned witchcraft fast, the twins can absorb a book just by holding it, and Exie and Gwen are timewizards."

"What about you?" sneered Hollie.

Marlon looked nervous then opened his hand and there was an apple. "I think I got a lot of mom's abilities; they didn't show up until I was about sixteen and it scared the hell out of me. When I got the magic from the elves I was able to blame everything on that."

"You need to be looked at by a professional," scolded Hollie and she slapped her hand on Vanemate Rasside Jõud. "See? Nothing." It took Hollie a moment to notice that everyone was staring at her. "What?"

"Hollie," said Cholly in a small voice. "You're an elf."

Elves are not tiny creatures in green suits with red stocking caps who build toys and sit on shelves {Those are gremlins... DON'T feed them after midnight!} Elves look a lot like people, but elves are glamorous. When an elf is conscious, he or she is capable of making humans perceive him/her as beautiful and grand, and the humans will feel, by comparison, worthless and unimportant. She looked like Hollie but she was taller, sexier, her breasts were as firm as a teenagers, her hair which spent her life being frizzy and kinky was now flowing, her waist narrow, her ass perfect. Hollie conjured a mirror and adored herself in it. "You're right," and in a moment she returned to being a cute but frumpy witch. "Ok, so I can change my species, so what?"

"You conjured a mirror."

"Isn't that an elf thing?" A room full of heads shaking 'no' answered her question. Conjuring is incredibly powerful magic; it takes huge amounts of magical power and decades of training, and she just did it without thinking about it.

Lou and Loo-Loo looked at each other, put a hand on the book, and absorbed... and were absorbed... both had a faraway look on their face and Lou said softly, "Her life timer."

"I can see it," said Loo-Loo. Thirty seconds ago, neither one of them knew what a life timer was, now they can see their mother's life timer in their minds. It's titled 'The Enchantress' and under that it says 'Corina Aldana.'

"It barely moves," said Gwen. "Time showed me, she did something or something happened in her first iteration and the sand is so slow it's barely noticeable."

"We think we know what to do," said Lou.

"Speed her life timer back up?" asked Finella.

"No, it's more drastic than that..." said Loo-Loo with an odd glow in her eyes. "We need eight..."

Gwen placed her hand on the book that contained the power of the elder races and felt a tingle, she felt young, she wanted to climb the highest tree... then she noticed that everyone was laughing. "Oook!" she demanded.

"Loo-Loo, Lou, Exie, that's what your grandfather looked like," said Marlon. "It's a shame you missed him."

"Awww," said Hollie as she hugged the orangutan that Gwen turned into. "I miss grandpa so much."

Gwen returned to her body and Lou said, "We only have seven, we need one more."

"For my queen... anything!" said Cholly and he slapped his hand on the book and the tingling took over and shortly he became a black housecat.

"That's sweet," said Loo-Loo.

"Inky was all I could remember of my life before I met the king..." Cholly actually doesn't know how or why he ended up on the street as a three-year-old boy. "Ok, when we're done I'll be your grandfather for you. I'm sure my kids will love it." Then he realized that they were staring at him. "What?"

"When we do this, there won't be any coming back," said Marlon.

They all felt it, but none of them dared say it out loud. Cholly broke the nervous silence by saying, "I owe everything to your parents, everything. They saved me. Like Cholline I would have been dead in a week if your dad hadn't..." He stopped and choked back a sob. Melissa will be fine, she's tough, he thought. "Now I get to pay back the debt that I owe to them." A tear tracked down his cheek, "let's do it before I lose my nerve."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Octavia's disguise was perfect, she dressed like a nerdy male wizard student, she talked like a nerdy male wizard student, she cast a spell about her that forced whoever saw her to believe she was a nerdy male wizard student. The only problem was that on a deep level, it wasn't working. One night studying for class in the library she slammed her textbook closed {quietly} in frustration. "I don't understand daddy, I've used spells and disguises, but I swear they seem to know! And they don't care!"

"Oook."

"They follow me in a crowd, they open doors for me, they carry my books for me, they purchase my meals for me, they offer to do my homework for me..."

"Oook?"

"That IS the faculty! My fellow students are too scared to talk to me!" There was one more thing she dare not tell her foster father and for once she bemoans the fact that she has no foster mother to talk to. For some reason she feels horribly overdressed. But her foster dad is wise beyond his years. Maybe his life as an orangutan gave him the opportunity to step back and think of life from a different perspective, all he knew was that the greatest gift he ever received was an infant daughter left at the library all night book return by a terribly desperate mother, Jutta Aldana.

"Oook," said the Librarian as he reached for a banana with a foot. He peeled and thoughtfully chewed on the banana while Octavia returned to her books. She was sitting cross-legged atop the bookcases hidden behind potted plants, behind her was the walking stick she was awarded for top marks at her graduation from a wizarding university. It paced impatiently, ready to strike out on a long walk. It's what all walking sticks would do if they were all made from sapient pearwood.

Finally, the Librarian swallowed the last bite of banana and said, "Ooook." It was the longest speech she ever heard her father say.

"I will daddy," and she tearfully threw her arms around an equally tearful orangutang. Partings are so painful, but planning for them is worse.

For the next week she was especially studious, taking notes furiously in her eclectic choice of classes, especially Astro Zoology and Thaumaturgical Herpetology. As she promised her father, she began to look for an assistant, someone to travel with her, someone she could trust who would assist her with her urgent mission. Between classes she spoke with her classmates, and each one she asked the same question, "If we were trapped together on a secluded island paradise, what would you do with me?"

Most of her fellow students began trembling, their breath coming in gasps, their moist eyes open wide, their voices sputtering until they muttered an excuse and ran off. Others fumbled for words until they said some inane platitude such as "Build a raft" or "collect fruit." The faculty was just as bad; no one gave her the answer Dad told her to look for. No one seemed to be an adequate traveling companion.

Frustrated she found herself on the roof of the Hall of Alchemic Arts, hidden by the various columns of multi coloured smoke that oozed from dozens of holes in the roof {both the smoke and holes were caused by a series of freshman failures in the alchemy labs below} she tried to ponder her fate. Sadly, she soon found herself at the center of an adoring crowd of effigies. They were gargoyles who offered her dead pigeons as a gift to lift her spirits. {Dead pigeons are gargoyle's favorite meals.} "Thank you girls, but no. I need a traveling companion first." {All gargoyles are female and also oddly enough, they're all named Gula. They lead a simple life and don't see any need to make it confusing with different sexes or different names.}

In frustration she climbed down from the roof and left the grounds of the Unseen University to think and found herself in the ruins of the Fire Brigade building that was apparently being rebuilt... or maybe the bricks were being stolen. A young man that she had been watching carry off the charred bricks came up to Octavia and asked, "Would you like a fresh brick to sit on ma'am?"

"You can tell that I'm a woman?" She had cast numerous spells on herself to prevent people from realizing her true gender. From spells that gave her a full beard to spells that gave her robes the appearance of a football team's jersey. She even sat with her knees wide apart and attempted to explain everything to the women in the housekeeping staff.

"You're not?" The young man looked confused.

Octavia studied the young man closely, either he was born with the gift of True Sight {True Sight is the ability to see past the frippery and illusions that is placed all around us and see the world as it truly is. People with True Sight are generally depressed and no fun at parties} or he is "Magically Well Endowed" a condition that sounds more exciting than it truly is. Then their eyes met.

It was suddenly hard for both of them to breathe, for Octavia the binder that she used to hide her large breasts suddenly felt smothering, her nipples hardened, and she felt herself blushing everywhere. She felt her heart began to beat harder, faster, she felt her pussy begin to moisten and her eyes strayed to his crotch. His bulge was growing... "that's mine!" her mind shouted. Her mouth was dry as she tried to speak, "tell me," said Octavia, "if we were trapped together on an island paradise, what would you do with me?"

He blushed! He actually blushed! He stuttered and looked down at his feet and said shyly, "anything you ask of me and everything I could to make you happy."

"You're hired!" she squealed before her brain could stop her mouth.

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The eight stood in a circle holding hands while Marlon began reciting the words to the Rite of AshkEnte backwards "Oh wa, Ta foo, Lyam... Oh wa, Ta foo, Lyam..." Eventually they found themselves in a gray field of gray wheat blowing in the wind. With a practiced hand, Marlon stripped a head of wheat of the grains and looked at them in his hand. They looked ok, they just didn't have any color. They should be a golden brown... or maybe even green. He crushed a kernel between his thumbnails and felt how hard it was to crush, then he looked at the pulp on his thumbnail. "Needs two more weeks to dry," the farmer king muttered.

Then he looked up and saw... "That's my house!" Octavia's input on the design of Wægn Manor created a replica of Death's house sitting in the center of the Wægn Duchy. They were nearly identical except that the house that Marlon and his wife Annette oversaw construction of was made of field stone, this one was made of brick. And it was gray. This building was menacing while the home of the Duke of Wægn was inviting.

They walked through the gray and black flower garden and Loo-Loo bent over to sniff a black rose; it had no odor. In fact, the only thing they could smell was frying bacon.

"Ooo's that in me 'erb garden?" a crochety voice called.

"Herbs?" asked Hollie and she held up a handful of dark gray plants. "They don't have any flavor; they don't taste like anything!"

"The master likes his 'erbs, I puts 'em in his food where he sees 'em. Ooo the hell are you?"

Marlon put on all the regal contempt that he could generate. "I assume that you are Alberto Malich?" Marlon asked with a sneer, and he plucked the cigarette out of the old man's mouth, tossed it on the path and ground it out.

"Just ooo the 'ell do you think you are?" shrieked Albert.

"I am King Pommeraie de la Montesquieu the first, I take it that you are the king of the kitchen? Duke of the dustpan?"

"Listen you young..." Suddenly Albert was facing a huge golden Agatean Dragon that roared and bellowed flames into the air. "Nice illusion, would you like to see a..." Before he could finish his sentence the huge, golden dragon scooped him up and took off. Albert could see all of death's domain, "Very good illusion your majesty, how can I help you?" said Albert with some actual respect.

"Life stories," said Marlon as he stood a shaking Albert on his feet and returned to human form. "Where are they?"

"Follow me." Albert led the eight into death's house and they were amazed, the entrance hall appeared to be larger than the exterior of the house allowed for. All the rooms were like that but when he led them into the Life Story room, it was immense. The sound of tens of thousands of pens scratching on paper filled the air.

"Where's mom's book?" Gwen asked, but it wasn't hard to find. Death kept it near the entrance to the Life Story room. It's in seven thick volumes and one slim one. Every volume ended the same way.

Queen Octavia was surrounded by her children as she knelt over her dead husband's body, the realization that she was going to be alone and madly in love with him for nearly an eternity crashed down on her. She shrieked in agony and disappeared.

Volumes two through eight start with Octavia gathering herself together at Nana's cottage, then she walked down into Creel Springs, and entered the bookstore, left her key in the desk drawer then stepped into L-Space and arrived in the Unseen University library forty-five years earlier.

A quick look at each volume showed that in volumes one through seven the bookstore was empty when she left but in volume eight she was met by the twins. What was the difference? "I don't know, I just woke up earlier than usual," said Lou.

"Me too," said Loo-Loo. "Rezzi practically kicked me out of the apartment I was so antsy."

Behind them three figures watched, one looked like an Agatean man wearing a white short-sleeve shirt and black trousers, his breast pocket was filled with pencils and his glasses were held together with tape. The next was a tall slim Agatean woman with long flowing hair and wearing a black and red dress. The third was a skeletal figure in a black shroud. Space, his twin sister Time, and Death, the inevitable.

"That was me," said Time. "I convinced them to go to work early this time around."

"YOU CAN'T INTERFERE WITH TIME," said Death.

Time just shrugged. "I call it playing with myself."

"We need to get going," said Hollie as she watched the words scrawl across the page in volume eight. "They're already in Four Ecks." Four Ecks, the Land Way Over, is where their passions became love, and they enchanted each other. Marlon and the others need to do whatever they had planned before their parents enchant each other in that other timeline.

"Life timers," said Marlon. "Where are they?"

Albert looked at his master, Death, who just nodded his boney head. "Follow me," said Albert and he led them to a warehouse sized room full of hour glasses. Most were very similar, but some were either very ornate or incredibly plain. Some were tiny, for babies that don't survive childbirth, and some are quite large for those monks in the hubland mountains that tend to live for 900 years.

"What order are they in?" asked Marlon.

"I don't know, the master is able to find them with no problem," said Albert with a shrug.

The slight sound of sand flowing was amplified by the thousands of life timers flowing. "How are we going to find them?" asked Cholly. The poor guy sounded terrified.

"Like this," said Marlon and he held his hand out and concentrated on his mother. Slowly a glow formed around a life timer which became brighter and brighter. "Get that one."

Lou took the glowing timer and looked at it, "Here's mom," and he handed it to Hollie. They gathered around and saw that the sand was running slowly, incredibly slowly, almost unnoticeable. Marlon concentrated, using all the magic that he received from his mother and from the elves and two more life timers began to glow. Cholly grabbed the next one and saw that it was the man who saved his life, Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Stein. Exie had to use a rolling ladder to get the third one, far up near the top, it was Chung Hau Ning, it had to be, at least he hoped it was, her name was written in odd characters.

"What do we do?" asked Cholly. He was getting nervous standing there with Death staring at him. {Of course, having no eyelids, all Death can do is stare}

Marlon arranged the three life timers tightly together in a group on an empty shelf. Then he arranged his brothers and sisters next to the timers, four facing right and four facing left. He had them get close and in the middle Exie faced Finella. "Put one hand on the timers and the other hand on the person in front of you, squeeze in tight, now concentrate all of your magic on the timers, just think, 'unite.'"

It sounded silly and simplistic to all of the siblings, but soon they felt it - unite. The union of the three enchanted souls. They didn't have to concentrate their magic, they felt it being drawn out of them, faster and faster, more and more. They found themselves in the center of a glow, memories of their parents, always laughing and loving, memories of their mother crying in anguish as Ning, then Nick died. The glow grew brighter and brighter and as Exie and Finella's lips met for one last kiss the glow was suddenly gone. And so were they.

Time watched in stunned sorrow as the eight siblings were no longer there. Their timeline ended without warning.

"I HOPE THIS WAS WORTH THE SACRIFICE," said Death as Space adjusted his glasses and studied what remained of the three life timers.

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Nick lay recovering in Bruce Bockscheker's Station, a huge tract of land on the new continent, the Land Way Over. Attacked by Dingaroo and caught in a stampede, twenty four year old Nick hovered near death until Octavia's magic along with Bruce's medical skill and her walking stick's guilt began helping Nick heal. He's coming to realize that he lost an eye. Drowsily Nick realized that she and Bruce were talking about Octavia's mission, and she insisted that Nick was coming along with her. Realizing that Nick was about to protest, the twenty-something wizard leaned over giving Nick a delightful view of her cleavage. "Don't worry how! You're coming with, and that's final," she said firmly.

"My leg will heal," he said. His voice was starting to fade, he was exhausted from the rigorous treatment. "I'll be walking again eventually, but my eye is not going to grow back..." In his mind he realized that with only one eye he can only look at Octavia half as much as he wants.

"No listen, I don't ..."

Nick patted her hand, he was drifting off to sleep and he needed to get his thought out before he slipped under. "Octavia, honey, I... this is all my fault, so let me pay my penance. I..."

"How is it your fault?" she demanded.

"I'm the one who acted based on what your walking stick told me, and I walked off into the desert and left you behind and almost died for that. I'm a man, not a leaf or a twig or whatever would listen to what a jealous scrap of lumber would say, let alone act on it..."

"I can hear what you're saying," said a muffled voice under Nick's blanket.

Nick ignored what the walking stick said and continued, "I was dumb enough to act on what it said, so I deserve the pain as a lesson to anyone daft enough to listen to a stick."

"I'm right here, you know," said the stick.

"Fair enough," said Octavia. "Unfortunately for you, you are now my apprentice, and if you think this inconvenience is a penance, then you are in for an entire world of surprise."

"Apprentice?" asked Nick and the walking stick at the same time.

"Yes, apprentice. You have a strong magical potential, you can speak with Gula and my walking stick, only someone with the magical potential of a master wizard can do that, and most of those daft monks wandering around in the Unseen University have barely enough magical power to talk to each other let alone a magical being."

"I'll need a staff and robes, and a beard and a pointy hat..."

"You work on the beard, I'll make you a pointy hat, and I bequeath you my walking stick to be your staff..."

The walking stick started to protest but Nick shushed it with a whispered voice, "Quiet, she's on a roll."

"... as soon as you're able to get up and move about we're going to resume OUR mission, in the meantime your staff will continue lessons and will act as your crutch when you are ambulatory. Are there any questions?"

"I don't know if I'm emotionally strong enough to stand by your side with you as you... enchant other men..." whispered Nick.

Octavia leaned close and kissed his cheek, the tear-soaked bandage that covered his empty eye socket, and his lips, which she kissed gently again and again, as her hand gently caressed his body traveling lower and lower. "I only have to enchant one man to be an enchantress..." she whispered softly, and their lips met. Nick felt a rush of her love encompassing him as they kissed. "This... is... my... first enchantment," she said between kisses. "Is it working?"

Nick's fingers wound in her luxurious hair and pulled her close, his tongue twined with hers, their breathing became erratic as he reflected her enchantment spell back at her. She whimpered in ecstasy as his love wrapped around her and filled her soul. "I think this enchantment is a success," he said breathlessly as their lips met again.

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Nick was captured by the Agatean empire not long after saving the discworld and the great space turtle A'Tuin from a planet eating monster and left for dead on a sand bar. He was brought in chains before the brat emperor Fu Ki. "Why did you invade the Agatean Empire sir spy?" the Grand Vizier demanded this in a loud voice which echoed throughout the palace.

A tiny old guy named Lung Mist stood near Fu Ki explaining to him what was happening. "A spy?" asked the child emperor without looking up. He was coloring and tried to stay in the lines, something that he was failing at miserably. "So boring... can we eviscerate this one? I want to watch."

"I'm not a spy," said Nick. "I'm a dragon."

"You don't look like a dragon," said the Grand Vizier as he twirled his long, luxurious mustache.

Suddenly the throne room was filled with a huge golden Agatean dragon {accompanied by the sound of breaking chains and the shrieks of crushed guards} The dragon roared causing the palace to shake and it glared at the Grand Vizier who was frozen in mid-twirl. "Ok, yeah. You're a dragon," he said in a tiny voice. With a roar that split the ears of all nearby the dragon spewed flames and the Grand Vizier was no more.

It was silent in the Agatean Emperor's Palace, except for the marble floor cooling with a tink...... tink...... tink.

The brat emperor shoved Lung Mist out to speak to the dragon that was now a short one-eyed naked man. "How can the humble Agatean Empire serve such a noble dragon as yourself?" asked the trembling eunuch.

"Lead me to your largest library." Octavia had taught Nick the principals of L-Space navigation. He was sure he could make his way home.

"As you wish!" with tiny, terrified steps Lung Mist led the dragon across the cricket pitch size throne room to a large golden curtain. With a wave of the Prime Ministers fan, a pair of guards opened the curtain.

"Where is it?" demanded Nick.

"Ummm..." with his folded fan the terrified old eunuch pointed to a small bookshelf that held some coloring books and a box of crayons.

"DO NOT TRIFLE WITH ME!" roared the dragon. {Nick can change quickly}

"That is, it!" shrieked Lung Mist, "That is all that remains! His majesty grew tired of his reading lessons, so he ordered all books burned."

"AND YOU BURNED THEM ALL AT THE DIRECTION OF A CHILD???"

"Now that you put it that way..."

"You tire me," groaned the dragon, "Give me one reason why I shouldn't bite you in half and then urinate on your corpse."

"We can fix that eye problem of yours..."

Just then a tiny Agatean woman leading a two year old boy appeared at the Library shelves. "Who is that?" asked Nick.

"No one."

"You people have the silliest names," said Nick, "Introduce me."

"Dragon, this is the Emperor's caretaker, Chung Hau Ning and her son Jia."

"Hi, my name is Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Worblehat-Stein, but you can call me Nick." He was confused, he was married to the woman of his dreams, he's madly and passionately in love with Octavia, she enchanted him, and he loves every moment of it. But this darling little woman... he feels like he knows her.

She shook his hand timidly then grabbed her son and ran away. But when she ducked behind the curtain she peeked back at him... it's not often they get a well-hung naked man around here.

Nick sighed and turned to Lung Mist and said, "You said that you can do something about my eye?

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Nick clung to a perch in the Agatean Emperor's throne room, he had been shot down while he was in the form of an eagle, and a purple Octiron band placed on his leg was preventing him from changing to any other form. He was sold to the brat emperor of the Agatean Empire, Fu Ki, as a dragon, that he had to remove the purple band, but the brat emperor liked purple and executed anyone who told him to take it off. For weeks Nick sat on the perch refusing to eat while Fu Ki shrieked and demanded that he become a dragon. Nick was starving his body as his heart was starved for Octavia, and now it was a matter of time until he died.

But after days of scouring the discworld Octavia magically located him. Steeling her nerves from 5,000 miles away she gathered her power and all the magical power in Bear Mountain and took careful aim...

The eagle's leg was shot off! The dwarf Axemir, a prisoner charged with convincing the eagle to become a dragon watched in slack jawed wonder as a bolt of light pierced the wall of the palace and sliced the eagle's leg clean off, in fact the talon and purple ring remained clutching the perch as the eagle pitched forward. It was off balance with its leg missing, it flapped its wings to adjust its direction of fall, then before it could fall it became a man who was starting to fall. But the image of a falling man lasted only for a blink of an eye and as the chain exploded off the man's left leg, he was replaced by a huge golden Agatean dragon.

Horrible in its glory, the Agatean dragon was over twenty meters long from its nose to the end of its writhing, sinuous tail. It's head resembled a lion with a permanent toothache, with foot long sabretooth fangs, massive, powerful jaws, a short, muscular neck and a long, muscled body built for destruction. Its four legs were similar to a tiger's legs, thick and muscular, right at home with ripping something's throat out. Its wings began to unfold yet they remained close to its sides, and like its entire body the wings were metallic gold, glittering as they reflected the lamp and candlelight.

"My dragon!" cried the emperor and he ran forward but the emperor failed to take in account that the dragon was still falling and with a leg missing it wasn't going to be a pretty landing. Fortunately for the Agatean Empire, between the falling dragon and the marble floor was Emperor Fu Ki. He didn't do much to aid the dragon's landing, but the dragon's landing did quite a bit to aid the life of the average Agatean citizen.

Fu ki looked at the dragon on the floor of his throne room with pride. "Cool dragon, huh?"

"ONE OF THE BEST THAT I'VE EVER SEEN," said Death.

"I hope I can keep him for my birthday, that would impress a lot of people!" said the boy emperor as Death cut the blue thread between the boy emperor and the goo that used to be his body.

"ACTUALLY, HIS APPEARANCE TODAY HAS IMPRESSED YOUR ENTIRE POPULATION."

The dragon gave one painful exhalation when his body hit the floor then his body shriveled and shrank and now he was just a man with blood pouring out of the stump of his leg. With years of ore mine safety training leading his thought processes Axemir grabbed a sash off of a curtain and a sword that was dropped by a soldier as they all ran in fear. {The guards all remembered what happened the last time the dragon was in this room and wisely chose to be elsewhere. Quickly.} With these two pieces Axemir was able to apply a torniquet to the stump of Nick's severed leg and staunch the flow of blood. There were a few hangers-on in the gallery where once were almost a hundred advisors before Fu Ki had many of them executed for giving him advice he didn't want to hear.

The poor old court eunuch Lung Mist could barely understand what was happening, the shouting, tantrums, and demands were gone, peace began to settle over the throne room for the first time in over seventeen years {Fu Ki's father was a bit of an asshole also.} Axemir and Lung Mist looked at each other in shock, their ears still ringing from previous tantrums. "What are you guys going to do?" asked Axemir, certain that cutting his head off was tops on the list.

"Umm... there is precedence over this," said Lung Mist, and he shuffled over to the newly rebuilt library where he was almost run over by the crowd that followed Gaspode coming out of the library. Octavia dove for Nick who was lying face down in a pool of blood. She turned him over and Gaspode began licking his face trying to get him to wake up {and get a quick snack}. Angua stepped out of the library and the scent of blood stirred the bloodlust in her werewolf body.

"My gods, all that blood, how is he still alive?" gasped Carrot.

Angua sniffed, "it's mostly someone else... Agatean... young... eight, possibly nine years old... O positive... with an iron deficiency."

"He would never eat his vegetables," said Lung Mist.

Meanwhile Octavia was examining Nick's body, he was in shock and had lost a lot of blood, and he was severely malnourished. "Who put this torniquet on him?" she called.

"I did," said Axemir.

"You did a great job... you saved his... you saved our lives," tears ran down her cheeks as she gave Axemir a hug. "Thank you so much, can you get me that talon off of the perch?" Axemir looked and saw that the talon was still clutching the perch, still wearing the purple ring. He pulled it off the perch and extended it to Octavia. "Thanks, but keep that purple ring, don't let it touch me or Nick... thank you."

Young Agatean men and women soon arrived with towels and hot water and began cleaning up Nick and the pool of blood. They looked Nick over and one of the Bruces gasped, "What is that stuff on him?"

"That would be the former emperor," said Lung Mist.

Octavia found that a young Agatean woman was kneeling next to her helping to clean the goo... the former emperor off of Nick. Their eyes met and there was a flash of understanding between them. "You're the one," whispered Octavia. "You're the one Nick saw months ago."

"I am Ning..." muttered Ning. She tried to turn away from Octavia's gaze, but she was as entranced as Octavia was.

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Ning danced in and out of their lives as they aged, but after she tried to kill Nick, Octavia realized how much she loved the little Agatean beauty. It was the horror in her beautiful almond shaped eyes when Ning realized what she did under the control of the evil round world wizard Nithe Skelm. Octavia joined Nick in heartbreak when he realized that even though she was under a spell from an evil wizard, he had to punish her for trying to kill him, the pregnant Octavia, and King Verence II. Ordering Ning to serve and obey the new Emperor of the Agatean Empire as handmaiden seemed appropriate, considering the emperor was her young son.

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As for Nick and Octavia, their family grew large, and Nick and Octavia loved it. Marlon was soon joined by Hollie, and then the twins Llywellyn and Llywella joined up. They thought their joy was complete when their mothers Catrina and Jutta found them and joined them, but shortly after that, they were joined by Exavier Abraam and Gwendolyn. It was actually a huge heartache when the Senior witch of Lancre Agness Dempsy told them that Gwendolyn was it, the final child, so Octavia never set Gwen down. Sitting in the beautiful garden that she had created for Queen Magrat, nursing newborn Gwen among the butterflies and the fairies was a delight, and next to Octavia sat Grandma Jutta with baby Exavier on her knee.

At some point the baby stopped nursing and started looking around, the gurgling of the brook stopped, the giggling of the twins stopped. Octavia looked around nervously but as she was about to stand up, a woman walked around the corner with an "I know who you are!" kind of smile. She was tall and slim with straight jet-black hair, and she was very pretty, her almond shaped brown eyes made her look like she was from Agatea.

"Time! Somehow I knew it was you," said Octavia.

If the anthropomorphic personification of Time was surprised that Octavia knew her, she didn't show it. Time created a bench and sat down in front of Octavia. "I owe you, don't I?" said Gwen nervously. "I hopped around in time so much I'm sure I owe you."

"Not in the least. You don't owe me because you don't stop your aging. If you had twenty-five years left to live, and you had jumped back twenty-five years you would die today because you haven't stepped out of the time stream, you've waded around in it some."

"So how long do I have left?"

"That's the problem... Come. Walk with me." Time stood and held her hand out to Octavia who rose and took it with her free hand. Her other hand cradled Gwendolyn. She followed Time around the corner and suddenly everything was shades of gray. The only colors she could see were Time, her beautiful golden tanned skin, her red and black dress, her bright red fingernails... but around her the world was black and white, and all shades of gray in between. It looked like an iconograph when the imp has only black paint and white paint left to work with. Everything was colored in shades of gray. Time had transported Octavia to Death's Domain, a realm outside of space and time that was created by Death to store the biographies and life timers of everyone who ever lived on the discworld.

They were in a garden full of black roses and gray daisies, ahead of them stood a large gray brick house, it had five large gables extending rooms on the second floor out and two huge chimneys that were crowned with what looked like brickwork flowers. They entered the house and inside was a tall slim man who resembled Time, he was wearing a white linen buttoned shirt and black trousers. He had his sleeves rolled up and under one arm he carried a wooden drafting board, T-square, and a couple of rulers. In his shirt pocket there were several pencils in a protective sleeve, and he wore glasses that were mended with tape.

"This is my brother Space," said Time, as Octavia shook his hand. "We are inexorably linked," she said.

"He's waiting for us," said Space and he led Time and Octavia through the house which was much larger on the inside than on the outside. He led them to a study where Death sat behind a desk reading a large open volume.

"AHH, MISS CORINA ALDANA, WELCOME TO MY DOMAIN."

"Who?" asked Octavia. Even though she knows it's her birth name, she's heard it rarely, her mother only mentioned it once or twice in her presence so it's an unfamiliar title.

"I'M SORRY, MISSUS WORBLEHAT-STEIN. WELCOME YOUR MAJESTY. YOUR BOOK HAS CORINA ALDANA ON THE COVER AND YOU HAVE HAD OTHER NAMES, SUCH AS FAÇADE INCOGNITO."

"I still can't believe they fell for that one," muttered Octavia under her breath. "Why am I here?"

"FOLLOW ME." Death led them out of the study, down a corridor and into a huge, arena size room where thousands and thousands of books lined an untold number of shelves, some thin, some very thick. The shelves went up over twenty feet and there were ladders on tracks that slid back and forth. "MY LIBRARY. THESE ARE THE STORIES OF THE LIVES THAT HAVE ENDED."

Octavia looked around in awe, as a Senior Master Librarian this is exactly what heaven looks like to her. Every book was bound exactly the same as its neighbors the only difference being the number of pages. There was no confusing genre qualifications or cataloging system other than the alphabet. She immediately noticed that A was the largest section, because the majority of A was made up by Anon, the little ones that never made it and were never named. Most of those books were one page in length.

"Can I see the book for Ivo Stein?" asked Octavia. She always wanted to know about Nick, and now that Catrin is part of their family she wanted to know more. Maybe reading about Nick's father would enlighten her of Nick's past.

IT'S NOT HERE. FOLLOW ME." He led them to another room which was huge and filled with shelves but there were far fewer books. He handed a book titled Ivo Stein to Octavia. "THIS IS HIS STORY."

It was a horror story, a joyful marriage destroyed by drugs and alcohol. Octavia couldn't read the treatment that Catrin and Nick received from a man out of his mind with the pain of withdrawals, so she only read the last few paragraphs. It said that he was in Creel Springs looking for Nick, whom he called Pommy and very few people knew that name. Unfortunately, he found one, Trei, who directed him to the watch house. "I have to tell my husband, she said.

"It's ok," said Space, "Here you are outside of time's influence, you'll return to the moment you left."

"IVO IS A DISTRACTION, DO NOT LET HIM WORRY YOU."

"I have children!" Octavia cried cuddling Gwendolyn closer. "If he comes in contact with Catrin again he will..."

"YOUR HUSBAND WILL NOT ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN," said Death.

"What he's trying to say is that Pommeraie and Ivo must work it out between themselves," said Space.

"You have too many people around you to allow anything to happen to the children, or anyone else under your protection like Catrin Stein, or Princess Esmirelda of Lancre," said Time. "But come, that is not why you're here."

They led Octavia through a huge room that was filled with shelves reaching twenty feet high, the shelves contained hour glasses and each ornate base had a name in different languages. All of these life timers sat in silence, their last grain of sand had run out. The only sound in this room was the occasional muffled sound of a life timer being placed in the room as the last grain of sand ran out, and the almost happy ding of a life timer disappearing to reappear elsewhere with a new name and a full load of sand. Octavia never believed in reincarnation before, but here she could see it happen.

"THESE ARE THE LIFE TIMERS OF THOSE THAT HAVE GONE BEFORE, WHAT WE WANT YOU TO SEE IS HERE..." and Death led them into the warehouse full of life timers for the living.

So many timers! So many names! Occasionally there would be a pop and the timers shift to the side to make room for a new birth, a timer with a full load of sand. "So why am I here?" Octavia was suddenly terrified that they were going to show her that King Verence had no time left, or worse, Nick or one of her children were unknowingly near death.

"For this," said Time as she indicated a shelf with three life timers that were fused together to make one. The upper bulb was three quarters filled with sand, it fed three lower bulbs and each bulb had a small pile of sand. On the wooden frame under a lower bulb was a golden plaque with the name CORINA ALDANA. Underneath her name was the inscription The Enchantress. The plaque under the next lower bulb said CHUNG HAU NING underneath her name was the inscription, Ambassador to the Court of Lancre. The other said POMMERAIE DE LA MONTESQUIEU STEIN, in small letters underneath it read King Verence III.

"THE SAND IN THIS TIMER DOES NOT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND GRAVITY."

The sand in the upper bulb fed all three lower bulbs and they looked exactly alike, the rate of the sand falling was exactly the same in each lower bulb, one grain of sand dropping so slowly every few seconds creating a slow-moving stream made of individual grains of sand. The realization of what this represented washed over Octavia like an emotional tsunami. Her free hand covered her mouth, and she began to weep with relief... she's going to be ok! Seven times she watched Nick and Ning grow old and die in pain leaving her behind, still madly in love with them while she still remained twenty-five years old.

But it's over! She no longer has to watch her loved ones leave her behind, she's not going to be abandoned by the death of her lovers, they're going to stay with her! And when it's done, they'll all go at the same time... It's over! the constant replay of her life, over and over hoping the heartbreak at the end never happens but every time it gets worse... no matter how much she loved every moment of replaying her life, it was over. "Thank you!" she wailed as she clutched at Time. "You have no idea..." Her tears of relief set Gwendolyn crying too.

"You can thank your children, they sacrificed so much," said Time.

"My children?" Octavia gasped, trying to stop the tears.

"After the passing of your husband they applied the magic of the ancient elves and all eight of them gave their lives to fuse your lives and save you."

"Eight? I thought Gwendolyn was last."

Time smiled, "She is the last one you will carry. Cholly and Finella are... different."

"Who?"

"You will meet them, they're orphans like you and Nick, so, you will know how much love they will need the moment you meet them."

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Nick and Octavia were there to help train Emperor Jia and the young emperor realized that Nick and Octavia were more than friends and when Nick became King Verence III, Emperor Jia assigned Ning to be the Agatean Ambassador to the Throne of Lancre. Ning eventually joined their enchantment, and they became the "Royal Thruple" as the newspaper called them, and Marlon, Hollie, Lou, Loo-Loo, Exie and Gwen saw her as a close aunty, and eventually as a stepmom, and then mom. Jutta and Catrin never really approved, but they understood the love that bound them. Nick and Octavia's hearts soared when Ning demanded a wedding and became their wife.

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In the sixth year of the reign of King Pommeraie I {Marlon Worblehat Stein} and Queen Annette of Lancre, the retired King Verence III and his second wife Ning Hau Chung, Ambassador of the Agatean Empire to the throne of Lancre took sick. His first wife, the retired Queen Octavia nursed them as best as she could, but she soon took ill and collapsed and was placed in bed with them. Their children and grandchildren gathered to say 'I love you' one last time.

Soon Death appeared in the room and the grandchildren and spouses magical enough to see him cried out in terror and they were escorted out as one by one Nick, Ning and Octavia let out one last breath. Soon it was just Marlon, Hollie, Lou, Loo-Loo, Exie, Finella, Gwendolyn, and Cholly, and Death, who sipped at a tumbler of gin.

"AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?" Death asked.

"You did fine," said Octavia as she sat up and stretched. "It's what we needed."

"I COULD RECITE SOME POETRY," Death offered.

"No, please, but thank you for the offer," said Nick as he sat up and nudged Ning who had started to softly snore and almost ruined the whole subterfuge.

"Wha?" asked Ning who suddenly was roused. "You kept me up all night."

"It was the two of you who kept ME up all night," said Nick which caused Ning to blush and put a grin on Octavia's face.

"IF THAT IS ALL YOU NEED ME FOR," said Death and he handed the empty tumbler to Ning and he faded away.

"I don't understand any of this," said Marlon.

"Here's the problem," said Nick as he worked his way out of bed. "I'm not going to die anytime soon, none of us are, and you are a wonderful ruler, your people need you. I need to step out of the way so you can step forward and be the king we know you can be."

"Don't go!" cried Hollie. And she hugged her mother tight.

"We're not going far," said Octavia as they all clustered around her. "We'll be at Lake A'Tuin for a while, then we'll be spending time with Axemir and Eryri exploring their keep, we have already rented a townhouse for Hogswatch."

"We want to see the discworld, and now we have the time," said Nick.

"I wanted to write your book," sniffed Cholly.

Nick could never bring himself to disappoint the guy, he still remembers Cholly, trembling, tiny, near death from starvation. "I'm sorry, I..."

"You already wrote it Cholly," said Octavia and she retrieved a stack of parchment from her desk. "You did this in the previous iteration and stored it in our secure vault." She handed it to Cholly who struggled with his tears. Then she whispered to Virga, "Meet us at the castle on bear mountain," and her walking stick walked over to the King's Library were it could take L-Space to Bear Mountain.

"Thank you," Cholly whispered, leafing through the pages. They were all his neat, precise handwriting, but he doesn't remember writing a single word on these.

"Previous iteration?" asked Exie, but Marlon had figured it out and he gestured to Exie to drop it for now.

Cholly looked up from the pages and he noticed that Nick, Octavia and Ning looked so much younger than him. Nick lost his beard and with a pass of Octavia's hand the scar on his face was gone. He took off the crockelgator eyepatch and she placed her hand over his golden eye, and when she removed her hand it looked real, well, like a real glass eye, not a magical gold eye. Ning looked like a happy teenage girl and Octavia looked like a sexy girl in her twenties.

"What about the grandchildren? Loo-Loo demanded. "What about them? Don't they deserve grandparents?"

"They've had grandparents," said Nick, trying not to be stern. "You know as well as all of your brothers and sisters the pain of losing your grandparents, and you had the very best grandparents for a long time. Let us step out on a high note, we'll be available if Lancre needs us and we'll take a peek from time to time to see how you are doing, but we need to step aside so you can become your own people."

With that he silently led Octavia and Ning out onto the patio. The eight "children" who now look twice as old as Nick, Ning, and Octavia appear followed in silence.

"It was so dark and stormy every time you died," said Octavia as she looked up at the blue, cloudless sky.

"It's so creepy when you say that" said Nick, but Octavia explained it over and over and Nick was heartbroken for Octavia's sorrow and loneliness. Then with one last round of kisses and hugs, Nick, Octavia, and Ning became eagles.

"Wait! Please! DADDY!" shrieked Cholly. "Take me with you!"

Nick remembered begging his mother as she crawled off into the night to die as they all thought. He turned around and landed and hugged Cholly. "You've never called me daddy before."

"You've never left me before."

"Cholly, I love you, but you have work to do." He gestured to the thick wad of paper in Cholly's hand. "You need to edit that. By the time you have it ready for the publisher we will be back with stories for volume two."

Cholly couldn't hold back the tears and he tried desperately to do that, but it was nearly impossible. Finally, he said, "Yes dad."

"Marlon will give you advance pay and an office in the castle on Bear Mountain to work in," said Nick as Octavia and Ning each gave him one last goodbye kiss. "Do your best and that's going to be a great book," said Nick and then the three of them were flying off into the distance.

Cholly watched them for a long time, the three eagles circled Lancre Town twice then headed off hubward to Bear Mountain and he watched until they faded from sight and he sighed sadly. His brothers and sisters went back inside but Cholly looked off toward Bear Mountain until the light started to fade from the sky and he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He looked, expecting to see his wife Melissa, but it wasn't, it was Nick and Octavia's other 'foundling,' Finella.

Together they wordlessly watched the stars come out and they stayed on the patio until it got chilly as they wished and prayed that the first people to ever love them would come back.

The discworld will never see their likes again.