- a continuing celebration of -

Fifty Years of Pratchett

© 2023 Duleigh Lawrence-Townshend. All rights reserved. The author asserts the right to be identified as the author of this story for all portions not previously copyrighted by Terry Pratchett. This story or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner without the express written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a review or commentary. If you see this story on any website other than Literotica.com, it has been copied without the author's permission.

This is a work of love, a fan fiction. Many of these characters are the creation of Sir Terry Pratchett, as is the multiverse in which they live. If you would like to find out which of these characters is or is not a creation of Terry, please contact this author. This tale was not written to steal the fame that Sir Terry rightfully earned, but to enjoy one more romp in the shadow of Cori Celesti and remind the world of what we lost on March 12, 2015.

"One day I'll be dead and THEN you'll all be sorry."

- Terry Pratchett, 28 Nov 1992 on alt.fan.pratchett

______________________________________________

ENCHANTRESS 7

The Royal Family

{With parenthetical annotations}

Hollie Worblehat-Stein always wanted to be a witch, but she didn't realize how lonely it was. Ever since they visited Agness Dempsy's cottage and got her first black cat, Trei, she knew that being a witch was for her, but it's such a solitary job. Sure Carl, Alphie, and Bertie were always around working on the duke's farm which was all around her, and a different witch stayed with her every night. And another witch came by almost daily for training on one thing or another... so it wasn't a lack of people that made this a lonely job, it was a lack of the right people.

Her family was gone... Mom and Dad and her four younger siblings were living in the castle over in Lancre Town, it's only two miles away as the crow flies, but she's not a crow. There's a ridge of rock called Breeders Peak to climb over to get there typically. Her older brother Marlon was living in the Watch House in Creel Springs until the Duke's house was built, and she was left behind in the cottage that she grew up in, a witch's cottage, and she always felt alone. She only had her cat Trei and her baby gargoyle Gula to talk to. {all gargoyles are named Gula} She toiled in her herb garden with her garden gnomes guiding her as she tilled the soil and plucked weeds. "This one be ready for pickin' lassie," said Mac McTill, her tiny head gardener as he pointed out an herb nearby. "She's best fresh, but she'll dry properly if you hang her stem up." Mr. McTill was four inches tall, which made him short, even for a garden gnome.

"Thanks Mister McTill," and Hollie plucked the herb called Husbands Button and was studying it, memorizing its tell-tale signs of ripeness when a small Lancre Watch carriage rode up.

"Miss Worblehat-Stein, I was sent by the king to collect you."

"Constable Markus Ivers I wouldn't go with you if you were driving the grandest coach in Lancre." Suddenly Hollie didn't feel lonely anymore, but she wasn't going to tell him that.

"Why are you treating me like that? I'm just here to give you a ride."

"I can ride my broom, thank you." She kept her back to him. She hasn't actually learned how to get her broom to fly yet, but she can hover quite well, and if there's a stiff breeze to blow her around it's almost like flying.

Mark sat in the carriage fuming, then he took the king's advice. He got out of the carriage and limped to her on a crutch. The beating he took during the Battle of Creel Springs will take a long time to heal, his right knee was still in a splint, it may never flex properly again, his left arm was in a plaster cast from shoulder to hand, his right eye covered in an eye patch. He scooped her to him with his cast and held her tight, her tight round ass pressed against him making his pain even worse. "Why are you being so obstinate?"

"Why are you avoiding me?" she demanded.

"Because you deserve a proper man!" he nearly shouted, "not just a collection of bits that may never join back together suitable."

"You took that beating to protect me," she whispered. During the Battle of Creel Springs, he delayed the attackers long enough for her to get her brothers, sisters, and grandmothers into their bookstore lock the door and get away through L-Space leaving him behind to face a mob of mercenaries bent on destroying the village and killing everyone in it. She turned around and looked at Mark, he was a good-looking man, even with the bandages, cast, one black eye and one covered by a patch. And knowing that he took that beating to protect her was the sexiest thing of all. "I told you, when your healing is done, my mom can put everything back to right. She won't interfere with the healing process."

"I don't know if she can fix my... my..." he sighed in exasperation. Mark took some savage kicks to the testicles and it's only recently that he's been able to walk.

"Who says she can't? I'll ask her."

"No... it's embarrassing." He didn't want to bring that up to the queen, not in the least.

"She's got six kids, you got nothing new to shock her."

Mark's eye bugged open in surprise. "She... I... wha?"

"Come on," she said, and she took off her white apron that she was wearing over her black witches' gown and made sure her pointy witches' hat was pinned tightly. "If we're late I'll tell my brother it was your fault and he'll beat up your remaining bits." She tossed her broom and apron in the back of the Highway Watch carriage and hopped in and waited for Mark to climb in. As soon as he was almost in, she slapped the reins on the horse and off they raced.

"This is police property!" cried Mark as he pulled himself onto the seat.

"Yeah, and you're police... no problem." She flicked the reigns harder getting their pony to run. The carriage with the cop and the witch raced down the hill going faster and faster as they careened down the mountain road. Trees flew past in a blur, a riot of autumn colors as they neared the village. At the base of the hill they shot into Creel Springs without slowing and dashed diagonally across Main Street and into the Watch House complex. They dashed through the lot with Hollie yelling, "Witch Princess coming! Step lively lads!" but suddenly the route she was going to take was blocked by six mounted police men.

"Yust because your father is the king doesn't give you permission to yoose police equipment as sporting goods," said Captain Sven Svenson as he stepped up to the carriage.

"Yes it does."

"No, it doesn't. Now follow your escort." The horses wheeled and entered the tunnel.

"Awww, you guys are too slow," groaned Hollie. And soon they were in the long mysterious ancient tunnel under Breeders Peak between the village of Creel Springs and Lancre Town, following the six horses whose riders were carrying lanterns. The pony fell in step with the large police horses that were leading her, and Hollie huffed with impatience, she loved dashing through this tunnel. She tied off the reins to a bar on the front of the carriage and leaned back with her arms crossed under her breasts. The pony followed the lead of the horses and didn't need input from the driver. "Let's see which bits are still working," said the young witch as she gently straddled Mark's lap.

There were a few grunts of pain from Mark but soon she got settled and was staring at his handsome face in the gloom of the tunnel. She could see his eye patch in the darkness, the first man she ever loved wears an eyepatch, so she finds the fact that Mark is wearing an eye patch endearing, and also very sexy. She leaned forward pressing her round, firm breasts against his chest and pulled his head to her neck. "Do you smell my perfume?" She made her perfume from flower nectar and musk she collected from her own body. Mark whimpered as parts that he thought were irrevocably damaged were starting to show signs of life.

"I like it," said Mark softly.

"Your nose still works," said Hollie and she leaned forward, and her lips gently brushed against his, "do your lips work?" Soon they were kissing. Their tongues reached out for each other, and Mark held her with his good arm. "Your lips and tongue work, I can live with that."

As they kissed again Mark realized that this was the woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and he coiled his fingers in her thick black hair. He thrust his tongue in her mouth with all the force that he wanted to thrust his cock into her, and she whimpered with passion, and she sucked his tongue and she ran her tongue around it.

"Markus Ivers where did that come from?" she gasped between kisses.

"I love you Hollie Worblehat-Stein, and if I live two more years, I'm going to marry you.

Hollie smiled slightly and said, "I think I'll let you," and their kissing grew hotter and more passionate, but as they approached the other end of the tunnel they reluctantly stopped kissing. As they rubbed noses and whispered to each other a movement to her left caught Hollie's eyes, to her left was a horse and on it was... "Lou!"

Her thirteen-year-old brother sat atop a mare as it paced alongside them, his face broke into a grin. Wherever Lou is, his twin sister Loo-Loo isn't far away. Hollie looked in the other direction and there was a horse pacing them on their other side, but it wasn't Loo-Loo pacing them. "DAD!"

"Your Majesty!" gasped Mark. He was caught with the king's sixteen-year-old daughter in his lap. Maybe he can request a beheading. It's supposed to be quick and painless.

Nick only grinned and laughed. He leaned forward on the saddle and said, "Bloody long tunnel, isn't it."

"Dark too!" agreed Lou.

"I can never have any fun," pouted Hollie as she took a seat next to Mark and crossed her arms under her breasts. They emerged into the warm autumn sunlight, Lancre was overjoyed and showed it in the shocking colors of the leaves that surrounded Lancre Town, the capital of the small mountain kingdom of Lancre. The mountains were a riot of reds, oranges, yellows, browns, purples, greens and blues.

Inside the castle several people waited as Hollie pushed Mark in a wheelchair into the meditation garden followed by her dad and mom, the King and Queen of Lancre. King Verence the Third wore his official "king suit" as his friend Trei calls it, a red blazer, silver waist coat, blue breeches and glossy black riding boots. For this occasion, he even wore the simple crown, he had only wore that once before at his coronation. He had a white sash with numerous awards and medals from all over the world, and at his throat he wore the Lancre Medal of Honor, three of them on a gold ribbon, the most honored man in Lancre history.

The Queen wore the deep red satin robe of the Court Wizard, the robe was covered in stars and moons that magically glowed, and she wore a pointed hat like Hollie, and she too had numerous awards on a sash along with the Lancre Medal of Honor, the first woman to receive the award. Hollie's brother Marlon waited anxiously, dressed the same as his father with no crown but he did have the Lancre Medal of Honor, the youngest man to ever receive it. Brothers Llewellen and Exavier dressed exactly like Marlon, and sisters Llewella and Gwendolyn wore white and pink gowns. An honor guard, members of the Lancre Watch, some of whom grew up with Marlon waited and followed them in.

The meditation garden was a huge garden her mother made in a castle room the size of a cathedral. Exotic plants filled the garden, butterflies and fairies fluttered, songbirds sang, and a riot of blooms filled the air with their perfume. A stream flowed through the garden linking one pond at the front with another at the rear. People lined the paths throughout the garden, friends and neighbors peering through the foliage and by a fountain Marlon took his place, his parents stood to the side and Hollie stepped up to Marlin. "Are you ready?" she asked.

"Let's do this again," he said with a smile and soon they were joined by Annette Prescott and her parents Preston and Annabelle, the commander and chief of detectives of the Lancre Watch in their dress blue uniforms. Annette, in a stunning white gown, took her place next to Marlon.

"What is your desire?" asked Hollie.

"We wish to be married," said Annette.

"Let us start," said Hollie. "There will be three trials, three chances to walk away without harm or foul, your last chance for a solitary life. Are you ready?" When both Marlon and Annette said yes, Hollie began. "This is the first trial, I must ask, Marlon, have you been coerced, forced, lost a bet or anything else that would cause you to do this against your will?"

"No, I truly love her and want to marry her, and always have."

"Annette, same question, do you really want to go through with this? Do you really want to be tied to this man," asked the witch.

"Yes, ever since the day I was born."

"That was your first chance, now join hands with me and each other," said Hollie and the three joined hands and they started the second of three trials. Through her magical power Hollie could tell that they were not related, a necessity in these isolated mountain towns, she could also tell that there was no deception, they truly wanted to be married. "You're not related, not even a little bit. You pass number two with flying colors. Ok, last chance, there's the exit. If either one of you feels the need to run, run now, I'll tackle the other one."

Marlon and Annette just looked at her so Hollie continued. "You faced the challenges, now face each other, tell each other you love them and kiss." As they kissed Hollie turned to her father, bowed deeply and reported to the king as required. "Your majesty, I would like to report a wedding between Marlon Worblehat-Stein and Annette Prescott on this day."

Suddenly all the temple bells in Lancre Town began pealing and the gathered onlookers cheered as Annette and Marlon kissed.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

A reception was held for the duke and the new Duchess of Wægn in the king's study, a room built to resemble the Bare Bear pub in Creel Springs. After the death and destruction of the battles at Bear Mountain, Creel Springs, and Lancre Castle, the normal Soul Cake Days festivals were curtailed but the marriage of the young duke was more than enough for the exhausted people of Creel Springs. And the chance to gather in the castle and commiserate with their own, the King of Lancre, was something that they did with joy.

King Verence III, commonly known as Nick or Pommy to his friends was a poor city boy whose only claim to fame was the ability to absorb magic. He was hired by a female wizard, Octavia Worblehat to assist her and he eventually became the first male witch on the discworld where all witches were woman and tended to look down on him.

The party soon began to divide into two groups, the youngsters, Duke Marlon and Duchess Annette's age were having a grand time dancing to the music of the small band and the older folks who gathered together and watched they youngsters and occasionally danced to the slower songs. "Feel older?" Octavia asked Nick.

"A lot older," he sighed. "They tell me that I'm one of the younger kings to take the throne, hell, I'm forty-two."

Octavia leaned on her King and smiled watching their son dance with his bride and sighed, "me too."

"You have five more to go," said Trei Metsker, a friend of Nick who acted as grandfather for all the royal children. Trei set a pint in front of the king and said, "Join me." Nick was still heartbroken; he couldn't save Trei's son Wayne and it hurts as bad as if he lost his brother so he's been avoiding Trei.

"Is that an order?" Nick asked.

"Aye, yer majesty it is. Join me. We both need it."

"I warn you; I'm not going to get all torn down like I did when you opened the Bare Bear," said Nick as he sipped his beer.

"Oh? You can foretell the future is it now?"

Next to them Nick and Octavia's mothers watched their grandson dancing with his bride. They were barely in their sixties, hopefully they will be able to cuddle great grandchildren. They were lucky enough to be around to cuddle the infant twins and be there for the birth of the two children to follow, then to see their son coronated the king, their daughter the queen, and their grandson coronated duke. It's been an incredible decade.

"What is the plan for the rest of the week?" asked Nick.

"Your majesty, tomorrow is Wednesday and you have the reception of the married couples. On Thursday you have court, you also have," Nick's secretary Findlay MacIver, looked at the pages, "a meeting with... Havelock Vetinari in his office... sir! There's no way you can make it from Lancre Town to Ankh-Morpork in three hours."

"Don't worry Finny."

"Findlay, your majesty."

"What do I have to do to get you to call me Nick?"

"Leave the room, your majesty."

Nick and Trei began to laugh at Findlay, he was sharp. He lost his parents when Creel Springs was attacked and Nick immediately took him in, he's witty, sharp, and he's got an incredible memory. "You're going to have to learn how very quickly Mr. MacIver."

"Why is that?"

"You're coming with the king to Mister Vetinari's office," said Octavia.

Findlay's eyes grew huge, Havelock Vetinari is the boogie man for most people. "I... me...?"

"I'm just going to ask Mister Vetinari one question," said Nick, "I need you to remember the answers he gives me."

"Yes, your majesty."

"That's it, one question and we're back here with no problems."

"Remember that he promised no problems Findlay," laughed Trei, "because it never happens that way."

Soon it was time for the bride and the groom to leave for their wedding night, they know that Nick and Octavia have set up a love suite for them, they just didn't know where. Nick took a large key on a key ring and said, "Widdershins Rimward tower... just keep in mind, your mother and I aren't over the hill yet, we like to use it too, so knock twice if you're ever up there again."

Marlon blushed but Annette just laughed, "You're far from over the hill... dad," and she gave her father-in-law a kiss on the cheek.

"You two run off and have fun, before something else falls off of me and hits ya, go!"

Marlon and Annette rushed through the castle, the members of the castle staff wishing them goodwill as they passed. As they walked through the castle an occasional hand was shaken and on occasion a plaque reminded them of the life that was lost on that spot two months ago. Finally nearing the Clacks office, they found the entrance to the tower and began heading up. "How tall is this tower?" asked Annette as they paused.

"I don't know," said Marlon, "I've never been up this tower." They resumed their climb and occasionally peeked in a door they passed; they were small guest rooms that were empty.

"Why do they have so many rooms?" panted Annette.

"When the town is attacked everyone is supposed to come into the castle for protection," said Marlon.

"Why didn't it work in June?"

"The clacks office didn't shutter their windows. We lost so many men trying to plug that breech that we lost the portcullis and they were moments from pouring into the main door."

"But you stopped that, right?"

"Yeah, me and dad, and five hundred heavily armored Agatean troops that Jia sent." Jia was the emperor of the Agatean empire, he, Marlon, and Annette spent a few warm sunny summers together splashing in their pond. The spiral stairs finally ended in a room that contained one large window, a shower head, a small, separated room, and a wooden booth. The separate room contained a toilet and sink. "Mom and her indoor plumbing," Marlon chuckled.

"Sauna!" squealed Annette investigating the booth. She grew up with those crazy Worblehat-Steins that loved sitting in scalding hot rooms. It was made from sweetwood and smelled beautiful. Then they stood in front of the window and looked out on Lancre Town. From up here they could see evening descending on Lancre, the lights were starting to come on in the buildings. "It must be gorgeous on Hogswatch," she gushed. On Hogswatch the town was lit up with a thousand lamps, and everyone was outdoors skating and dancing, it's a huge, beautiful winter party.

There was one more flight of stairs and they reached the top and found a large room with windows in four directions. A large fireplace stood ready and a low bed sat in front of the fireplace. A sideboard was set up with meats, cheeses, fruit, cookies and other snacks. Bottles of wine, water, fruit juice, and flavored water awaited them. There was a small table set with candles and fine china, a note on the table said their dinner would be delivered shortly after they come up here.

"Wow" gasped Annette as she rolled around on the bed, she's never felt something so comfortable. Marlon started a fire in the fireplace, he doesn't have fire magic like his mom, so he has to do it the old fashion way and strike a match.

"Now you know why I have so many brothers and sisters," smiled Marlon as he started to take off his medal of honor.

"Let me," said Annette. "You'll just toss it across the room. You earned this medal; we should treat it with honor."

"Magdalina earned it," said Marlon, as he tried to fight back the anger and sorrow. He sat on a chair at the table and saw that their suitcase with clothes for tomorrow was tucked behind the screen. Annette helped Marlon wrestle off the shiny dress boots then he stood and took his wife of a few hours into his arms. "How did we do it?" asked Marlon. "How did we know?"

"I don't know," said Annette with a darling smile. "My dad said that when I first cried, you were scared and ran over to your mother, but you came back to the bed mom and I were on and our hands touched. Mom said you were surprised and that I reached out to you."

Marlon has heard the whole story his entire life, his grandmothers can't hear it often enough. "I just hope Holly, Nathan, Lou, Loo-Loo, Exie, and Gwen find the love that we were born with." As their lips met there was a timid knock on the door. "Come in, we're still dressed."

"You need to get them clothes off," said Alpin, a cook in the palace kitchen. "You don't want to get this delicious food on anything you can't lick off."

"That sounds like fun," grinned Annette.

"The queen says that when you do get undressed, to please hang your clothes up, and when you're done eating, put the dishes outside the door." He placed two plates on the table, removed the cloches to reveal prime rib of beef, roasted potatoes, and acorn squash with butter and brown sugar. He placed another covered dish on the table and left. Annette lifted the final cloche and there was a small cake that said Marlon & Annette, Spune 3, Year of the Harmonious Rabbit.

"Oh my gawds, what is this?" asked Marlon as he looked at the prime rib. All his food came from his farm and they rarely butchered a cow.

"You never seen prime rib?"

"Not unless a sheep has one," smiled Marlon. As they ate they talked about their future, unlike their parents, their future is set out before them, they govern and care for the Duchy of Wægn, and have a large farm. They know they're in line to the throne of Lancre and hopefully that is in the distant future. Finally as they ate their cake he asked, "how many kids do you want?" Annette started laughing. "What's so funny?" he asked.

"Your dad," she laughed. "He was telling me that when he married your mom that he had no idea where the babies were coming from, all he knew was that he was enjoying a lot of great sex."

Marlon almost passed a sip of wine out his nose. "He knew, he's a witch!" That's like saying he's a doctor or a nurse. "He was a virgin when they married and didn't know anything, he was a slum kid. He said, 'if you spend an afternoon on a farm you'll learn more biology than I ever learned in the city. All I knew was to keep my blood on the inside.'"

"How did he get so smart?"

"He listens to people. And he married well. You never answered my question, how many kids do you want?"

"I don't know," said Annette. "I just want a lot of great sex."

"Me too." Technically they were still virgins, but they've been exploring each other's body for years. Never would they have guessed that they would be honeymooning in the King and Queen's love nest.

"I have a sexy night gown in our pack," said Annette, "but I don't think I have time for that." They weren't being coy, they knew exactly what they wanted. With trembling hands, they began to undress each other, this time there would be no tell-tale hay in their hair to give off their intentions, even if Annette does have a bit of an exhibitionist streak.

"You know," said Marlon, "when we appear before mom and dad tomorrow everyone is going to see that big, satisfied smile on your face and know exactly what we did up here."

"First, you need to put that big, satisfied smile on my face."

This was not the first time they've been naked in front of each other, they played and swam naked as children but at some point that stopped and the urge to take off their clothing for other reasons grew as they grew older. Annette's body was a piece of heaven set here on the disc for Marlon's joy. She had creamy pale skin without a freckle or flaw, her hair was light blond, thick, and long, her sparkling eyes were sapphire blue and her full lips needed no makeup. Her darling breasts were firm and perky and capped with coral areola and nipples. She had a flat tummy, narrow waist and round hips and butt cheeks, capped with a tuft of bright golden hair between her legs. The marvelous creation of her body was perched atop long, silky, shapely legs and flawless dainty feet.

"You've seen me naked before," she said as she tugged his trousers down.

"Yes, but this is the last time I'm going to see you as a virgin," said Marlon. "I want to memorize the details so I can compare with the results later."

She tried to stop her laughter but she wasn't successful. "You are so related to your parents! Do they sit up all night trying to make each other laugh?"

"Only if you think 'Oh gods! Oh gods! Don't stop!' is laughing," said Marlon pretending to be sexually enraptured.

"I hope you inherited some of that from your dad," she said as she pulled down his underwear with a sudden yank. His cock slapped up against his stomach then pointed at her. "Ahhh," she gasped softly. A large drop of precum oozed from the head of his cock and it throbbed in time with his heart. Marlon placed his hand on the back of her head and gently urged her forward, normally she'd need no encouragement, she learned to love to lick and suck his cock, but tonight she was seeing his thick cock in a new light. Where before the only thing that has entered her pussy has been fingers and Marlon's tongue, this large thing was going to be inside of her soon and it was a little intimidating.

Marlon lined up the head of his cock with her mouth and she leaned forward and began to nurse at the head of that cock. With her hand she pushed his skin down exposing the red head of his cock and she took more and more of him in her mouth with every bob of her head.

"Oh gods!" gasped Marlon. "Stop, you're going to make me pop!"

Reluctantly she released his erection. "I like making you pop," she pouted.

Marlon crouched and scooped his darling bride from the floor and carried her to the bed. Laying her gently on the bed he lay down next to her and began running his fingers over her body, touching, squeezing, caressing, probing. They had been so busy recently. On Black Wednesday they got their baptism of blood and fought to drive mercenaries away from their little village, then Marlon went to fight the Battle of Lancre Castle and since that time they haven't had any time alone together. It's hard to find time to make love when you're busy burying your friends, relatives and neighbors. Annette still bursts into tears when she remembers finding Marlon hiding, weeping his eyes out over the death of Wayne Metsker. Wayne was like an uncle to Marlon, maybe closer, and his loss shattered everyone who knew him. Marlon was inconsolable for days.

But that has all been pushed to the past for now, and Marlon is reacquainting himself with Annette's tight little body. Suckling on one breast while pinching the other nipple had her gasping and arching her back. He had her near orgasm before he allowed his fingers to explore her sodden pussy. He remembered the first time he eased a finger into her cunt, so warm, so wet, so smooth! He couldn't wait to put his cock inside of her but his father was the Duke of Wægn, and Annette's father was the police chief of the entire duchy. Discretion ruled the day and they became skilled with their hands and tongues, but now they're free to do everything they want.

"Hmmm?" asked Marlon as he suckled on her pussy.

"Now!" she hissed, "I can't wait."

"But I still haven't..."

"I don't give a damn! I want you NOW!" Marlon noticed that her eyes had that wild spin that means she's either going to cum or change into a wolf. That's a new skill and he was hoping to avoid that. She grasped him under his arms and pulled him up so she could kiss him, then he began to maneuver himself between her legs. He reared up and aligned his cock with her pussy lips and run the head up and down, trying to find the entrance. Annette reached down and grasped his cock and lined him up. She rolled her eyes up as if considering the best angle of entrance, then said, "There, easy now."

Marlon edged his way inside of her a little bit at a time, fighting back the urge to begin to thrust madly. He eased out a little then back in, sliding in and out spreading her fluids over his length until he was fully inside of her. Their eyes met and she gave him a playful smile, "let's fool around," she whispered. That was their invitation to each other to disappear into the hayloft or up into the woods for a love making session that would end in mutual masturbation, mutual hand jobs, finally to a 69, now it's for real.

"Ok," Marlon whispered softly and he began to fuck his bride for the very first time. He was gentle and tender as his cock slid in and out, spreading her open with every thrust but soon she was urging him on, faster! Harder! Her fingernails clawed his back and her legs wrapped around his. The sound of their bodies smacking together filled the room, and before she knew it, her legs were hooked over his arms and her feet pointing at the ceiling while Marlon fucked mercilessly.

They came nearly together, she came first and she shrieked at the top of her lungs, he followed shortly after, roaring like a tiger as he slammed his cock into her again and again. His cock twitched with each pulsation that fountained his semen into her. Her pussy was still squeezing him from her orgasm and together they held on to each other in shock and joy of their 'new discovery.'

"Where did you learn to do that?" gasped Annette as her fingers stroked over her husband's body. He had just given her the strongest orgasm of her life.

"I made it up as I went."

Exhausted and sweating the lovers gazed at each other in the firelight. The light from the moon gave Annette's skin a silvery glow as she panted, her marvelous breasts rising and falling. "You almost changed," said Marlon. Changing into a wolf was something new for her, it took the anger from seeing her home attacked to bring it out, but when she saw the house they built burned to the ground there was no holding her back. All of her relatives on her mother's side of the family are werewolves, and Grandma Lucricia is a werewolf and vampire so this was natural for Annette.

"That would have been embarrassing," said Annette. She blushed and her face with her hands. Changing into a wolf on her wedding night? It would have been horrible!

"It's ok," said Marlon as he pulled her delicate hands away from her face, "I can change too. We could change at the same time and try it doggy style for real." They kissed and he added, "I'll make you howl at the moon."

"That would be fun," said Annette. As they hid from the army of mercenaries, Marlon absorbed an ancient magic spell that gave him the ability to change into animals. So far he's only done a couple of birds, a truly vicious tiger, and an awesome dragon. "Do you want to try it?"

He gave her a lecherous grin, "Hells yeah! But right now come here and cuddle. I think you're going to like this part." He rolled with his back to her and she spooned him. At some point he became a Bang Galore Tiger and began purring. Annette felt the deep rumbling purr penetrate her core, and with the purr, she felt Marlon's love.

"I love you kitty," she whispered and held him tight. All of the frenzied activities of the past few weeks caught up and they were both asleep in minutes.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

"You know dear, Security wants us to move up into the king's apartment," said Octavia, "they say it's easier to secure." She was just trying to get a conversation going. She slipped into a gown he loved but when she turned and looked, the king was gone. Octavia looked at Ning but the little Agatean was in shock, Nick had just walked out on them. "It happens every time I mentioned the king's apartment," said Octavia.

"He needs to come to grip with it," said Ning.

Normally when he goes into a funk, King Verence III ends up at the main entrance, and he retraces his steps that lead him to the king's apartment. He follows his steps up the old, age worn stone spiral staircase, berating himself for being so slow. On the third floor the staircase ended and he traversed down a corridor and took a hidden stairway up to the fifth floor where it ended. Above the third floor the stairs are a maze to keep an invading army lost and confused. There were only two staircases that would lead him to the fifth floor, then to a third and final staircase that led to the seventh floor, royal territory. When his king needed him most he raced up the last two floors in the body of a Bang Galore tiger, ready to shred anyone that threatened his king, but the door at the top of the stairs was latched, he couldn't open it with tiger paws. Nick was too late; the king had received a mortal wound while defending his family. King Verence II had wounded the intruder, and Nick made sure the murderer never drew breath again.

Tonight, when he reached the seventh floor he found the door to the King's apartment open. Magrat and Princess Esme had moved out and the apartment was empty, and now it stood dark and lifeless. In the gloom Nick found a candle that he lit with a snap of the fingers, a trick that took him years to master. In the candlelight he found a few mementos on the fireplace mantle, and above the mantle the king's sword was hung. The sword was named Merciless, and it saved two out of the three occupants of this apartment when last wielded.

Nick realized that he wasn't alone. Another person was there in the apartment with him, watching him intently. "Hello?"

"Dad wants you to live here."

"Esme?" It was Princess Esmirelda Margaret Note Spelling of Lancre, daughter of the former king, King Verence II. Nick was shocked because for the past two decades Esme has only spoken single word sentences, she's been a happy child in the body of a grown woman. However since the death of her father she's been speaking in longer sentences, especially if it involves her father.

Esme stepped into the candlelight and said, "Dad wants you to stay one night and wait for morning." In her youth Esmirelda was a well-spoken princess but eighteen years ago she was trapped in the Dungeon Dimension and she witnessed her two year old brother being torn apart and eaten by the demons. Her mind retreated into her two-year-old self to protect itself from the memory, her poor mind was shattered.

"Tell dad I will," said Nick.

"Ok!" said Esme cheerily and she turned and went back to her apartment which was near the meditation garden.

Nick sighed and found a couch that had been left behind and sat down and waited for the dawn. When Esme crowned Nick she called him her brother, and he wasn't going to lie to his little sister.

Nick woke to find that sometime during the night Octavia had located him, lay down on the couch, and used his lap as a pillow. Ning sat next to him and leaned on him sleeping sitting up. The sky was starting to lighten and the entire widdershins wall was arched windows and glass doors leading out on to the patio. Soon the sun would rise over Breeders Peak, which means it was pretty late in the morning, but had they not been here they wouldn't have seen it...

Sunlight on the discworld is different than on round worlds. Round worlds have speedy, thoughtless sunlight. With a flash and bang it's there, no warning, no planning. Discworld sunlight is slower, more thoughtful. Sunlight on the discworld oozes like honey and slowly fills the valleys and crevices and does it without those annoying, creeping shadows. Discworld light is gentle and it moves at a stately pace, it's dignified. The speed of light is an achievable goal on the discworld if you have a fast enough horse.

Fascinated by an odd glowing at the top of Breeders Peak, Nick, Ning, and Octavia stepped out on the patio outside of the living room of the apartment and watched as a wave of morning sunlight came splashing and tumbling down the side of Breeders Peak and rolled across Lancre Town filling the streets and alleys with light before splashing against Mt. Chatney on the rimward side of the town. Then like water in a bathtub, a wave of light came burbling back, merrily washing over everything it missed on the first pass. Eventually it stopped sloshing back and forth and settled down. Daylight was here, and it would stay here until the sun set behind Mt. Chatney, dragging it's errant daylight behind it like a stubborn dog that doesn't want to go for a walk.

"Wow," gasped Nick.

"Yeah, wow," said Octavia as she held onto his arm. They kissed knowing that people on the palace grounds were watching them, almost everyone was of the mind that kings and queens don't kiss enough, so they will get their fill if they continue to watch King Verence III, Queen Octavia and Ambassador Ning Hau Chung.

"What do you think?" Nick asked Ning.

"It beautiful. The stars must be beautiful too."

"I promised Esme I'd give it a night..." he looked around nervously. It was roomy and inviting and the kids would love it, and it wasn't haunted like he thought... except maybe by Esme. His dreams were of the good times he had with King Verence, fishing and splashing in the pond, hiking on Bear Mountain and the talks they had long into the night. "Let's do it."

That morning at breakfast they announced to Llywellyn, Llywella, Exavier and Gwendoline that they were moving to the top floor, and the kids reacted with mixed results, mostly complaining. "So you don't want a balcony?" asked Octavia.

"You didn't mention a balcony," complained Lou.

"That's called burying the lede," agreed Loo-Loo.

Hollie sat in silence, she was asked to stay because her brother's wedding was the first she performed and her parents wanted her to see the whole process just in case a future couple asks. "What do you think Hollie?"

"Meh, I don't care." She pushed a grape around on her plate with a fork without looking up.

Nick was about to respond when Octavia leaned over and whispered, "I'll talk to her later."

Marlon and Annette sat down at the table, both looked tired and happy. "Good morning Princess," said Nick but Annette looked startled when she realized he was speaking to her. She was used to being called princess by her dad; this was someone else... The king smiled at his new daughter-in-law and said, "It takes some getting used to." He sipped his tea and continued, "we were just talking about moving everyone up to the seventh floor. You can stay here until Wægn Manor is ready."

"And it's about time," muttered a guard by the door. The king turned and looked at the guard, Reziko Pants. Being one of the three guards that survived the attack gave Reziko an unwritten agreement with the king to speak his mind. Reziko did not survive by hiding, just the opposite, many of the invaders survived by hiding from him.

"Your thoughts lieutenant?"

"It is difficult to guard the king on the ground floor, too many possible avenues of attack and we guards hate it when you spend the night on the lower floors. This castle was built to protect you, sire. Please let it work."

"Join us for tea, that's an order," and Reziko sat down next to Llywella and he was served a cup of tea. Nick thought about what Reziko said, the seventh floor is only accessible by two staircases and one dumb waiter. And one of those staircases is hidden. That thought struck Nick hard... how did the attackers know how to get to the king on the seventh floor? There are many palace employees that don't know how to get to the seventh floor, the stairs that reach the seventh floor don't reach the ground floor, or even the second floor. You have to go up one set of stairs then get off on the third floor and grab the stairs that reach the fifth floor, only from there can you get to the seventh floor. All other staircases end on the fifth floor.

All of the towers avoid the sixth and seventh floor, those floors were for royalty and nobility only, there's a limited way of reaching those two floors, how did the mercenaries know? With a jerk of his head he called the head of the Kingdom Watch closer and immediately Lord Preston Prescott was at his side. He whispered his concerns to Preston who furrowed his brow, Preston was the chief of all police, not head of palace security, but palace security falls under his jurisdiction. "I'll look into it immediately sire."

"Did Viktorija Singe ever go up there?" asked Reziko.

"I don't think so," said Nick.

"Then it had to be Tudful Felmet. She was once almost queen."

"You're right," said Nick, "but our questioning of the prisoners is telling us that she didn't talk to her army, she only had a few officers that she spoke to. I'm worried about espionage."

"We will look into it your majesty," said Commander Prescott.

"Nick," said Nick.

"Yes sire."

Octavia is going to have to lay down the law with the king again. Nick is no longer Nick, he's no longer Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Worblehat-Stein, he's now Verence III of Lancre. He needs to allow his subjects to show him the respect his position demands. But she wasn't aware of how much that hurts. For almost 20 years it's been Press and Nick, together they worked to make travel in Wægn safer than anywhere else on the disc. The problem was that Preston wasn't a nobleman, he was knighted by Nick, but he didn't have a noble title. If he was a nobleman they could... he came up with an idea. "Sir Preston, how would you like to be a duke?"

"Just as long as it's not a cut in pay."

The king rose and they stepped to the side. "We're going to be securing our borders through acquisition, those lands are going to need a ruler until they stabilize. If I had a duke that was not tied down by a large duchy to occupy his time, I could put him in charge of these new acquisitions until we straighten out the nobility. What do you think?"

"What piece of Lancre are you implying doesn't have a ruler?"

"The palace, palace grounds, and the tunnel. You appoint a number two to oversee the physical grounds and castle and you're free to do whatever the king needs with a title to protect you."

Preston was about to protest then he saw the wisdom of that, he was already in charge of the palace, palace grounds, and tunnel, and the guy actually performing the maintenance and grounds upkeep was a genius at the job. "I like it sir."

Nick patted him on the back and said, "Let the lord of the keep know what we're planning and make sure you bring your sword to the wedding ceremony."

Nick turned to the breakfast table and the twins were talking with their mother and Ning. "Llywella, you understand what Commander Prescott and I were talking about?"

"It would be rude for me to overhear a private conversation, father, and I think it's a wise plan."

As Preston laughed, Nick said, "I need you to act as princess this morning. Reziko, escort Princess Llywella to the mayor of Lancre Town's office so she can explain this plan to him.

"Yes sire."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Preston stepped into the grounds keepers office and as usual it was fairly clean; paperwork was stacked up neatly on the desk and ignored because the ground keeper is still learning to read. The office was attached to a garage/workshop and Preston stepped into the workshop and found Dexter working on an ancient wooden chair. He was showing his young apprentice Pavel Novik how to properly glue and clamp a chair so it wouldn't wiggle and squeak when you sat on it. It was rare to find Pavel without Princess Gwendolyn so when he did, Dexter used the lad to the utmost.

"Top cop!" said Dexter cheerfully, "what is happening to make you smile like that?"

"You old bandit, I come with news... your pay is going up."

"That makes me smile too... wait a minute... added compensation requires added responsibility. What do you want now?"

"You're right," said Preston. "You are now Lord of the Keep. The castle, grounds, and tunnel are now yours to manage and maintain."

Dexter looked confused. "They already are mine to manage and maintain."

"Yes, but now you have an official title, and will be addressed as Lord, and your staff has tripled."

"I have three people now?" asked Dexter.

"Yes, and you're authorized to select other members of the palace staff to assist in jobs and projects when needed, but security comes first."

Dexter's eyes narrowed, "You have a job lined up for me, don't you."

"Your two new people will meet you and your apprentice at the king's current apartment in the Hubward, Turnwise tower to move the king and queen to the King's historic apartment. Once the king's belongings are moved you can assist the princes and princesses with moving their items. The king insisted that you assist them not move for them."

"Anything else?"

"We need you to be at the throne room at Eleven of the clock this morning."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

"What's wrong with Mark," asked Octavia.

"How do you know it's Mark?"

"I was sixteen too."

"You weren't sixteen and living alone in an empty cottage," pouted Hollie.

"If you want you can live here and we'll take you to the cottage until you learn to fly the broom, then you can fly back and forth."

"Stupid broom," pouted Hollie.

"What's the matter baby," Octavia asked her oldest daughter as she hugged the young witch.

"Everything has changed, it's like you left me, and Marlon is too busy for me, and Mark won't talk to me... keeps complaining that he'll never heal... he got kicked in the crotch really hard and he says it won't heal so I have to leave him alone."

"Maybe we can deal with that after court today," said Octavia softly.

"I don't want to leave him alone, I know we are meant to be together, just like you knew Daddy was supposed to be yours, I want Mark."

"Yes, let me tell you a secret, you will marry Mark, but just like Annette did, on your eighteenth birthday."

Hollie's eyes lit up. "Who is going to be my witch? Is it Daddy?"

"That isn't set in stone yet, but soon, very soon, you are going to start training young witches and they will be friends.

"Who?" Hollie's eyes grew big around and she couldn't wait to see who she was going to train. Hopefully not a bunch of seven year olds.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Wednesday was the day that married couples presented to the king, and to start, Nick and Octavia wait in the waiting area with the nervous couples and crack a few jokes trying to get them to relax, some were so terrified, their information of the king of Lancre comes from the days of Verence I over forty years ago. Verence I was an angry mean tempered tyrant that always wanted battle and rarely attended the ceremony, Verence II was always nice to the couples but he was shy and reserved which the couples took as aloof. Verence III knows what the couples are feeling and intends to keep the ceremony lighthearted.

As Nick and Octavia joked and teased the young couples, Princess Llywella and Lieutenant Pants arrived and she whispered in Nick's ear, "He refused to speak to me."

"Did he give you a reason?"

"Something about my being gutter rat spawn."

Octavia nearly exploded, but Nick calmed her. "Let's use this as a learning experience and teach." Nick was used to being called a gutter rat, but Octavia refused to allow her children to be called something like that. Somehow Nick's smile told her that he expected that reply.

Finally, the families of the married couple were seated and Nick and Octavia wished the couples luck and rose. Harold Lorchestershire Jr, the Herold called, "ALL RISE! The King and Queen of Lancre." Rather than stepping out Nick realized that he was looking for Verence II, his friend and mentor.

When Nick discovered that he was waiting for a ghost he was completely embarrassed. "I'm sorry dear friend, I am failing you," he whispered. He collected himself then he led Octavia to the thrones where they sat and called the couples up one by one.

The method for getting married in Lancre is to get married in a temple where the temple monks will enter your marriage in the official kingdom records. Often this is too expensive for the people of Lancre, so a witch will conduct the ceremony, then report it to the king. It's then up to the couple to insure their marriage is entered in the kingdom records. Past kings realized that traveling to Lancre Town to record their marriage was as fancy as it got for most mountain folk, so the kings have devised a ceremony for these folks, and it has grown into a very joyful custom.

"Mikol and Nance Gorski, from Mad Stoat, witch, Hazen Gantry," called Harold.

The couple was clearly a farm couple, he was slim, and his hairline was receding, she was large with the potential to get larger. They dressed plainly, the exact same way that Nick and Octavia dressed every day until recently, lots of denim and flannel. Their family clustered around them happily and they were truly excited to speak with the king and queen. They chatted a little about their crops and then Nick realized he'd be happy chatting beans and wheat with this young farmer for the rest of the afternoon, but others are waiting. He said, "Mikol and Nance Gorski, so married Spune first, year of the Harmonious Rabbit, have a wonderful marriage."

There next couple was from Creel Springs, Josef and Nadia Brotz. Nadia was the daughter of Daniel and Linda Baier, owners of the Emporium and were working to rebuild their little store. Octavia actually waved to Linda Baier, a friend of hers for years and she was stabbed in the attack on Creel Springs. They saw Linda wince and Octavia called her up to the throne, "We can help with that pain if you'd like."

"No your majesty, you were there to help us when those bastards attacked, and I'm sure that mystery investor in the rebuild is a duke we once loved."

Saddened that she didn't say yes, Nick called out "Josef and Nadia Brotz, so married, August thirty second, year of the Harmonious Rabbit, have a wonderful marriage.

The next couple had the largest family gathering as Harold called out, "Dilwyn and Glenice Howell, from Lancre Town. Witch, Marjorie Potts." Dilwyn was a new member of the palace guard and Glenice was a member of the kitchen staff that was assaulted during the attack. They were engaged when the attack happened and Dilwyn is still kicking himself for not joining the Palace Guard earlier, he could have protected his Glenice. Today his breastplate was shined to a mirror finish and he was proud to be standing before the king, and Glenice's belly showed that in a month the couple would have a new member of the family.

"Welcome," said Nick, "We are so glad for the both of you."

"I'm so happy to see you back, Glenice," said Octavia, "Exavier and Gwendolyn have missed you."

"They miss me cookin'," said Glenice.

"No, that was me that missed your cooking," said Nick, "you've been like a big sister to them, and we missed you." and he nodded to the side gallery where Exie and Gwen smiled and waved. "And if Marjorie is busy, I wouldn't mind helping you with the baby." Dilwyn looked excited at that offer, but Glenice wasn't sure. "I've delivered about 40 babies..."

"Fifty-two," said Octavia.

"Fifty-two, either way, Dilwyn and Glenice Howell, so married, Spune second, Year of the Harmonious Rabbit. We're happy for you."

As Dilwyn and Glenice moved to the side gallery where Prince Exavier and Princess Gwendolyn waited, Harold stepped forth once again. "Prince Marlon Worblehat-Stein, Duke of Wægn, and Annette Prescott of Creel Springs, Witch, Hollie Worblehat-Stein."

Prince Marlon stepped forward in the same suit that Nick was wearing, Annette was again in her stunning wedding gown, and they were flanked with her parents and several of their friends from Creel Springs. "I'm the king and the father-in-law so I'm allowed to do this, and Nick and Octavia stepped forward and Nick gave Annette a kiss on the cheek. "And with that, you're a princess," whispered Nick. Annette almost giggled at what he said, but he sounded so sad. "Take good care of my best friend." That was barely audible, but Annette heard it and realized how lonely the king was.

When he stepped back and shook hands with her she saw it in his eyes, he truly was sad, and he was fighting to hide it. As he returned to the throne he sat and said "Prince Marlon and Princess Annette of Lancre, so married Spune third, year of the Harmonious Rabbit. May you find the joy the queen and I found with each other." As the applause died down Nick said, "Princess Annette, could you ask your parents to step forward?"

Preston and Annabelle stepped forward and Nick said, "Read the first charge please."

Harold the Herald unrolled a scroll and said "Annabelle Prescott, On June fifteenth, year of the Harmonious Rabbit, when attacked by overwhelming forces during the Battle of Creel Springs you discovered that the duchess, Octavia Worblehat-Stein was poisoned. You ensured that the children and their grandparents were taken to safety then you rendered aid to the duchess saving her life. At the same time, you used every means available to you to protect her and the occupants of the Bare Bear Pub from overwhelming enemy forces. For your courage and loyalty, we award you the King's Medal of Courage and proclaim you a hero of the Kingdom of Lancre."

Nick rose and placed the brightly colored ribbon with huge, garish medal on Annabelle's neck and kissed her cheeks whispering, "I can never thank you enough, you saved my life that day too."

Nick side stepped and stood in front of Preston, and when Octavia was finished presenting Annabelle with a bouquet of roses, Harold began reading again.

"On June Fifteenth, year of the Harmonious Rabbit Preston Prescott, commander of the Wægn Highway Watch defended the people and property of the village of Creel Springs against a force of overwhelming odds. The enemy was fierce, but Captain Prescott was able to contain the threat until support arrived. Then, after suffering severe injury Captain Prescott rallied his remaining forces and rushed to the aid of the kingdom in the Battle of Lancre Castle. With his mounted forces Captain Prescott attacked behind a confused enemy, then surrounded and captured nearly one hundred attackers. For your faith and your bravery, we award you the Lancre Medal of Honor and proclaim you Duke of Lancre."

Nick placed the medal on Preston's neck and shook his hand, then stepped back and Octavia presented him with a ceremonial sword of office, as she did that Nick stepped over to the group gathered and said, "If the brides and grooms and immediate families would join Queen Octavia and I in my study we'll have a nice little reception. Please follow the Duke and Duchess of Wægn, they know the way."

"What's this?" asked Preston as they followed the couples down to Nick's Place, a replica of the Bare Bear Pub in Creel Springs.

"Something Octavia and I are trying, we're trying to make this more of an event for our poorer folks like Mikol and Nance Gorski, they look like they can't conjure up a tuppence between them."

"You're going to run the country broke by throwing parties."

"If I get one couple we will have lunch with them, it has always been that way. How would you feel if you didn't get to chat with the king and queen because there were more people in the room, but a rich couple who were the only couple the next week got a palace dinner? This is coming out of my pocket, including paying the kitchen and clean-up staff." As they passed a door that led out to the stable Nick said, "I'll be right back." He ducked out the door and disappeared.

A Lancre Black Eagle spiraled around The Tower Of Inclination, the tower with Nick and Octavia's love nest, and was about to return to the wedding party when a person stepped out the main entrance of the castle and walked swiftly down the drive. Halfway down the drive she began to run. Nick swooped lower to see who it was, it was Harleigh Rhodes, a member of the housekeeping staff. She ran down Central Avenue and where it met Main Street she ducked into the offices of Ruben Peck, a lawyer who happened to be the mayor of Lancre Town

Nick was back before Octavia noticed him missing. He gave her a kiss and then took his crown off and hung it on a coat hook that was behind the bar, and he did it while the guests were watching and he hoped that it gave them the idea that this was an informal gathering. He went up to Preston and quietly asked, "Is there any connection between Harleigh Rhodes and Mayor Peck?"

"She's his daughter," said Preston. "Why do you ask?"

"She may be fired. We'll know in a few minutes." Nick moved about the tables patting backs, shaking hands, he even found a baby to kiss. They were pleased to find that the easy going couple that was dispensing wedding advice in the waiting room was actually the king and queen. He was speaking about his and Octavia's first year together, when Mayor Peck burst into the room followed by a very flustered young guard.

"I demand to speak with the king!" he shouted.

"Of course, by all means," said Nick. He made a hand gesture to his personal guard, Reziko Pants, who jumped up and followed the king to the door. Preston and Annabell also saw the hand gesture and followed. "I'll be right back," Nick told his audience.

They stepped out in the hallway and before Ruben Peck could say anything, Nick said, "I supposed you want to speak about the Duke of Lancre, is that right?"

"Of course! Why do you think I'm here?"

Nick sighed and muttered, "Duke of Lancre... I sent a princess and a hero of the kingdom to your office to personally inform you of this event. You sent my daughter away calling her gutter rat spawn." As he said that several guards showed up. "That was bad enough, but now you burst uninvited into a private meeting. I need to find out why you think you are so entitled. Boys, take Mister Peck to visit with Mr. Morose, strip search, questioning, the whole thing."

"What? You have no reason for this, I'll sue! I'll have your crown!" he screamed as he was being dragged away.

Nick called out to the struggling guards, "Remind Mr. Morose about the anal probe, this fellow looks overdue."

"What are the charges your majesty?" asked a young guard.

"Breaking and entering, attempted assault, suspicion of espionage. He has spies inside the castle. Find out who they are and what they know. If Harleigh Rhodes reenters the castle she needs to speak with Mr. Morose also. Espionage."

"Spies?"

"The men who broke in here a few months ago knew exactly how to get to the king's apartment. Someone told them exactly where to find his majesty. Our king didn't stand a chance." Nick saw the anger grow in the guards, King Verence II was well loved by his guards and they are still in mourning for him.

When the young guards left, Annabelle whirled on Nick and said, "What was that all about?"

"I sent Princess Llywella to the Mayor's office to discuss the honorary duchy, but he sent her away. He refused to talk to a princess. Right after you two became duke and duchess, his daughter ran out of the castle and ran all the way to his office. Twelve minutes later he burst in and demanded to talk about the Duke of Lancre."

"Do you think he gave out castle design to somebody?" asked Preston.

"I don't know. I'd like to think that if he was the source of the leak, it was because he was mouthing off at a party trying to be the big shot. I don't want to think it was intentional." Nick paused at the door to the wedding reception. "Gotta put my happy face on again..."

He opened the door and inside Marlon had taken over and was telling stories about Gaspode. The group was laughing and Glenice leaned over and rubbed the king's pet wolf Remy on the cheeks and said, "Talking dog, that's funny, isn't it boy."

"I've only heard stories," said Remy. "He was my grandpa but I never met him."

Glenice shrieked and fell back and landed on her husband's lap. "Remy! Don't scare the guests," said Nick.

"I'm not going to apologize for being a talking wolf."

"This is real?" gasped Glenice.

"Yeah, sorry," apologized the king. "Don't worry, he's the only one."

"Ummmm," Remy looked guilty.

"No!" gasped Prince Marlon.

"Remy, what don't I know?" demanded Nick.

"You know that wire hair bitch that hangs around the scullery?"

"DIBS!" called Marlon. "I want a male puppy!"

Everyone started laughing and Octavia covered her mouth trying to hold back her laughter. Nick turned to Octavia and said, "You knew?"

"I was in the kitchen and I heard some tiny voices calling for momma and found the litter in a box in the scullery."

"They all talk?" then Nick noticed that the entire crowd was laughing so hard they were aching. "Sorry, but that's life around here. Lancre is a very magical place and we are a very magical family. Your king and future kings are going to be well versed in magic." Suddenly it got very quiet.

"You have nothing to worry about," said Princess Annette, "mom and dad have only used their magic for the defense of Lancre... that and making dinner."

Dilwyn Howell rose and said nervously and bowed stiffly to Octavia, "I read your book ma'am... yer majesty, and I want to say thank you." He turned to the other guests, "They saved the whole planet! They saved the baby planets, and a planet eater came and our king led it away. I say that we got the best king and queen any kingdom could ever want.

"I heard he saved King Verence from a wizard wot wanted to take over the world," said one of the family members.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to terrify you..." Nick felt the old sorrow and insecurity welling up. "I just want to meet people. In Creel Springs I knew everybody, now I'm locked up in this gilded cage..."

"No, yer highness, it ain't that," said Mikol Gorski the farmer from Mad Stoat. "Hell we ain't scared of nuttin' now, we have the greatest king on the disk, it's just..." He walked up to Nick and said, "None of us knew just how great you and the queen are... I just want to shake your hand."

As they shook hands Nick said, "This is YOUR day, what do YOU want?"

"I heard you're unbeatable at darts, I want to prove that wrong."

"Ok, that one is true. Let's go... I'm not going to show mercy just because it's your wedding day."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

The court waited idly for the king to arrive at the weekly meeting, he was a few minutes late and finally Lieutenant Reziko Pants, the king's personal bodyguard and senior training officer for the Lancre Watch stepped in the room and called, "All rise! The King of Lancre!"

All of the court members, including Marlon, who had taken over as the Lord of Health and Safety rose as Nick entered the room with Reziko, Findlay MacIver and Queen Octavia who was wearing her deep crimson robe and had her staff, Virga. Virga was a stout piece of Sapient pearwood, a magical wood that is considered the most valuable substance on the discworld. Virga started as a walking stick, and sapient pearwood is known for generating feet and walking behind its owner wherever he goes. Imagine luggage you could never lose. At the top of Virga was a sphere that looked like it was made of wood, but it occasionally opened revealing that it was the fabulous, fabled, Eye of Knute.

"Please, everyone, take your seat. First, Lord Worblehat Stein, congratulations on your nuptials, try to stay awake." Then he gave Marlon a wink which caused chuckles around the room. "Second, Earl Buckminster Hargrave has graciously agreed to amend his position on this committee and work with Duke Preston Prescott, Duke of Lancre on national security. Thank you Buckminster."

"I tried to retire but you wouldn't let me go!" said Earl Buckminster Hargrave.

"There's a difference between internal and external security, and I want you two to apply your experience on those differences." Nick suddenly grew very cold. "Two months ago we lost our king to two gods damned women hiding in a fucking cave." The room grew deadly silent, no one had ever heard Nick swear like that. Not even after he was thrown from a horse had he sworn so viciously, but then, no one has ever murdered his king. "Call me paranoid if you want, but in the past 20 years we've been attacked three times because we're seen as nice. NOBODY attacks Überwald, and they've never been accused of being nice. I hereby declare that we are going to exercise the gods-given rite of retaliation."

"Who?" asked Earl Horace Giffard, the lead lord in the House of Lords, "who are we going to retaliate against?"

"Every principality that sent a man to kill our king. Mister Morose has been collecting information from the prisoners and quite a list is growing. Tonight, I am going to verify that list." Suddenly a knock came at the door which is never knocked on when the court was meeting. Without asking who was without, Nick said, "Enter!" thinking that it was his and Octavia's lover, Ning Hau Chung who was a vital part of this exercise.

"Milord!" Lolar Hampton, the Duke of Warwickshire entered the room and dropped to one knee. He was joined by Colonel Handpipe, the commander of the Army of Warwickshire. "Sire, we have five hundred men under arms for your upcoming operation."

Nick turned to Marlon and said "Prince Marlon, can you cover this meeting? I need to speak with Lolar."

"Yes sir," said the crown prince, then Nick leaned over to Octavia and they kissed (a first for a royal staff meeting) and Nick rose followed by Reziko and walked out with Lolar Hampton and Colonel Handpipe. The meeting broke up in an uproar, never has a king walked out on his court to confer with a foreign power, and Lord Harcourt, the ancient exchequer of the kingdom rose and said as such. Marlon was able to restore order but something was up. Octavia simply smiled and said, "I don't think that was a foreign power anymore."

Out in the corridor lit only by a flickering torch Colonel Handpipe said, "Milord, the Ramtops is being looked at by the entire disc, you and I both know that through no fault of your own, being caught by surprise like that has turned the Ramtops into a target for foreign powers. I beg you to consolidate your Ramtops allies into a stronger, more formidable Lancre."

Nick turned to Lolar and said, "Well, old friend, what do you propose?"

"Your majesty, allow us to federate with you and join your crusade."

"All principalities are required to participate in the Lancre Highway watch, from the smallest barony to the largest duchy, including any and all city-states. Can you agree to place your highways in the hands of the Duke of Lancre?"

"Duke of Lancre? There's no..." realization spread over his face, "milord is learning politics after all! Would this Duke of Lancre be the brave Captain Prescott?"

"It surely is," grinned Nick as he suddenly realized he needed an Oath of Fealty. He's going to have Findlay draw one up.

"We will gladly and proudly abide with your rulings and demands." He knelt on one knee again and proffered his sword and Colonel Handpipe knelt next to him. "I promise on my honor that I will forever be faithful to the king, never cause him harm and will observe my homage to him completely against all persons in good faith and without deceit."

"Colonel Handpipe, what is your first name?" asked Nick.

"Colonel."

Nick nodded; it made sense. He eased the sword from its scabbard and tapped Lolar Hampton and Colonel Handpipe on the shoulders and said "I knight thee in the name of the Kingdom of Lancre. Arise Sir Lolar Hampton, arise Sir Colonel Handpipe." He returned the blade to Lolar and they shook hands and Nick said, "welcome to Lancre, uh... I guess your borders are our borders now."

"I've been wanting to do this since you were coronated," said Lolar.

"Don't you feel like you're giving away your birthright?"

"Hells no, my son will still be duke when I'm gone. I feel like I'm giving away many of my headaches and all it costs is some tax money."

"I'm going to treat you like any other principality, I'm not going to interfere with your system of delegation, but I insist on the highway watch and insist on flying the flag of Lancre above the flag of Warwickshire." He patted Lolar on the back, "it's good to have you aboard." They stepped back into the court room and everyone looked their way. Octavia was at the head of the table and she turned to see Nick as he reentered the room.

"Did something happen?" asked Octavia trying to read Nick's smile.

"Gentlemen," said Nick. "The independent duchy of Warwickshire is no longer our ally." The room was filled with murmurs of shock and many openly questioned the sanity of their new king. But Nick raised a hand and silence returned. "Instead of being allies, they have requested to join the Kingdom of Lancre. They have sworn an oath of fealty and Duke Hampton and Sir Handpipe are now knights of the Kingdom of Lancre and have sworn an oath to me, their king."

Shock ruled the room, the borders of Lancre expanded without war? No deaths? No beheadings or public floggings? Is that even legal? The royals of the court were stunned then rose to shake hands with the newest lord in Lancre, Lolar Hampton, as Queen Octavia kissed their newest knights.

"You realize that Lancre now shares a border with Überwald," said Earl Hargrave.

"Is that a bad thing?" asked Nick.

"Warwickshire always used to be our buffer between Lancre and Überwald."

"In my lifetime Überwald has always been an ally, we will have to work on maintaining that friendship, I will speak with Sarafine von Überwald about this. Duke Prescott, can you ask your mother-in-law for a meeting with the heads of Überwald?"

"Yes, milord."

"I cannot believe our borders have expanded!" gushed Lord Baltimore. "How did my wizards miss this?"

"Get used to it, there's going to be more of this between now and Hogswatch," said Nick. He winked at Octavia who banged a mug on the table and shouted.

"Gentlemen!" she called, "Gentlemen. The king requires a list of ten names from each of you, a list of men, be they young nobles or commoners, men who would properly fill in as a baron in an expanded territory. We need the names of young men who could lead a barony by next week, have your people work on it."

"No nephews or in-laws!" Nick nearly shouted. "I don't need nepotism; I need hard men who can do a hard job but maintain their loyalty to their people!"

"War is it then?" harumphed Earl Giffard, the lead lord in the House of Lords.

"No, we're not going to war, we're going to acquire."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Queen Octavia along with her bodyguard Lady Annabelle Prescott and two Warwickshire knights on horseback rode her carriage through the King's Tunnel, a mile long tunnel under Breeders Peak ridge. They left the tunnel and traveled up Nana Partridge's driveway to the cottage where she and Nick raised six children. But she didn't go to the cottage. It was tiny now, as small as it was the day they first saw it. As their family grew, the cottage grew, and the farm flourished. But their business didn't involve the cottage. She saw Hollie in front of her cottage trying to get her broom to fly, but their business was in the small guard house near the cottage.

On the porch of the cabin sat two dwarves, Axemir and Eryri Stronginthehead. They were sitting out enjoying the last warm evening before winter set in. "What brings the queen out on a soft evening like this?" asked Eryri as she puffed on her clay pipe.

Octavia sat in a rocking chair next to Eryri and said, "I need a reason to visit with my oldest friends?"

"My queen, I know for a fact that you have friends that are much older than us," chided Axemir.

Ignoring his bad pun, the Queen continued with her errand. "I come to ask one or both of you to serve on the King's court. Or, failing that, we would appreciate any other dwarf that is as literate, well spoken, and loyal to the crown as you."

"Checking boxes on a shopping list, my queen?" again Axemir was chiding her, but he didn't sound amused.

"To be brutally honest, yes." Octavia leaned forward and looked Axemir in the eye. "You don't give a damn about our position, you're calling me 'my queen' just to amuse yourself. We need someone with that kind of courage on the court to speak up for the dwarves and the miners. If you don't do it, I'll ask Klayre Mac Síthigh."

"Klayre digs ditches," spat Eryri. {In dwarven conversation this is equivalent to accusing someone with having romantic relationships with a farm animal}

Octavia never heard Eryri swear so viciously, the dwarf and Octavia have been friends nearly as long as she's been married to Nick. The queen shrugged her shoulders and said, "He volunteered."

"I don't know if we have the time," said Axemir. "When our holdings were small we could shut down whenever we wanted but your husband gave us nearly every mine in Lancre to manage."

"That's why we come to you," said Octavia. "You've been cracking Lancre rock all of your lives; nobody knows the dwarves of Lancre like you. And you stand in good favor with the Low Queen Blodwen Rhysdottir. You've dug your way down to this position." {This was the same as telling a human they climbed their way to the top}

"We'll do it. I'm taking a year off anyhow," said Eryri.

"You're having a baby?" gasped Octavia. Eryri nodded and the women hugged, having a baby is the only thing Octavia knew that would keep Eryri out of a mine.

As they hugged, Axemir cleared his throat and said, "What do you want Princess Hollie?" Hollie had quietly walked over to the guard shack.

"Something is wrong with Mark, he won't talk, he won't let me in his house." The young witch was in tears. "It's something horrible, I just know it."

"Ok, we were just leaving and his house is nearby." Octavia remembered being 16, she was living in a magical boarding school on a round world and had such a crush on a young boy. She knew it wouldn't work because Draco didn't believe in female wizards, but he was so hot! Everything was extremes with him, minor events were horrible or incredible depending on what it was.

With a final hug and an assurance that the king would deliver Eryri's baby, Octavia boarded her carriage and they had their leave and headed down to the village. Hollie was floating next to Octavia on her broom. She wasn't flying, she was floating on her broom and holding on to the carriage letting it pull her along. Mark's house was a tiny house next to the hardware store, maybe two rooms in size, about the same size as Hollie's cottage currently is.

Hollie let go of the carriage and flew to the porch and climbed off her broom without realizing that she flew. "Mark honey, please let me in," she said as she knocked on the door.

"Hollie, please, leave us be," came the weak voice from within.

Hollie heard the bolt slide back and the door opened, she knew that Mark didn't do that, it was her mom. She walked into the dimly lit house and there was a woman on a bed, she was clearly in pain and Death was standing over her. "Oh no!" gasped Hollie. "Is this your mom?"

"Yes, I tried to help but..." His face screwed up in anguish, "she's refusing all help, she wants to be with dad." He struggled to hold back the tears.

Octavia gasped, "Oh Marge," Marge Ivers was an acquaintance that Octavia met often in the village. The queen bowed deep to death and said, "Have you been here long?"

"A FULL DAY ACTUALLY, SHE IS FIGHTING AND HOLDING ON FOR SOMETHING."

With a painful effort, Mark knelt next to Hollie and said, "Mom, the queen is here, maybe she can fix you, she can fix anything." He gently ran a finger across his mother's cheek. "This is Hollie mom, you remember her, don't you? Hollie and Octavia?"

Marge Ivers opened her eyes slightly and the pained expression on her face softened. Her hand reached out and Hollie took her hand. The woman whispered something that no one caught and she put Hollie's hand on Marks hand and patted their hands, then she finally relaxed.

The spirit of Marge Ivers stood next to Death and looked at the young couple weeping over her corpse. "It took so long for that boy to bring her here so I could see them together... so stubborn!"

"YOUNG MEN ARE LIKE THAT IN MY EXPERIENCE," said Death as he severed the blue line between her spirit and her broken body.

"I will take good care of Mark," said Octavia as Death and Mark's mother faded. When they were gone she said, "Hollie, get over to the Watch House, tell them that Margaret Ivers passed from her wounds in the Battle of Creel Springs, we need an honor guard and a grave in the memorial cemetery." Hollie looked at Octavia with her eyes full of tears and tried to make some words but Octavia said, "Go! Now! We take care of our own, and this is part of that promise."

Hollie stepped out on the porch grabbed her broom and without thinking she flew over to the watch house. As she did that, Octavia helped Mark into a chair and turned him so he couldn't see his mother in the dim candlelight. "Let me see to you." She ran her hands over him. His (and Hollie's) main concern was his testicles that were kicked savagely when he was beaten. They were nearly healed and Octavia helped with the pain and swelling, but his poor eye, it was ruined.

"She wanted to go be with dad," said Mark in nearly a whisper. Mark's dad died several years ago when he was kicked by a horse. "That's why she didn't want treatment."

"She's with him now, and I'm going to do you a favor," said Octavia. "Only Hollie will fully appreciate it..." She placed her hand over his ruined eye and rearranged some things and when she took her hand away, his eye was fully functional, but it was solid gold, just like Nick's eye. She turned her attention to his knee. The knee was bad and the splint was falling apart and the running around wasn't helping. "When we're done tonight you're coming with me. You'll be living in the castle for a while so we can deal with that knee."

At the Watch House eight officers formed up and marched to Constable Iver's house to lay his mother to rest. As they passed the bookstore they saw Nick in "civilian" clothes. The king turned and saw Hollie leading the group. "What is going on?" he asked.

At a command the constables saluted their king and the Watch Commander who stood at the doorway to the bookstore. "Mark Iver's mom died," said Hollie fighting back the tears.

Duke Prescott look torn, he had a duty to his king, but he also had a duty to his men and the fallen heroes of the Battle of Creel Springs. "Go," said Nick. "Mark is your man, go take care of his mother."

"Thank you, your majesty," and Preston dashed off to join with the men who will gather around Mark for support and lay his mother to rest. "You with the shovels, get to the cemetery, I want a grave for her that you would be proud to lay your mothers to rest in. Go!" Four men dashed off to the cemetery that Nick created for the men and women of Lancre who died in the attacks on Bear Mountain and Creel Springs. There was a separate graveyard for the men and women who died in the attack on the Palace on what is now being called Black Wednesday or The Day of Three Battles. There are now over eighty Lancre people dead and Nick and Octavia knew every one of them.

"Follow me, said Nick to his secretary Findlay MacIver and his bodyguard Reziko Pants. They were wearing overcoats over their civilian togs; this was the first day that Reziko wore civilian clothes since he joined the palace guard. They entered the bookstore and Nick led them through the bookshelves, and Findlay noticed a few titles he'd want himself.

"We're not shopping Finny," said Nick. "The twins open this store every morning at seven AM."

"Findlay, your majesty," corrected Findlay. They continued to work their way between the shelves and Findlay was sure they had gone past the end of the bookstore, but they continued to find more and more shelves to walk between. Eventually they stepped out of the shelves and found themselves in the large spooky library in the Unseen University.

"HAVEN'T I TOLD YOU THAT YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE?" shouted the librarian. "YOU ARE NOT A STUDENT OR FACULTY!"

"Shhhh!" said Nick and he put a finger to his lips, the librarian's salute. "Let's step outside and discuss this." And he led Findlay and Reziko out of the library followed by Bérenger Clodporrage, the hotblooded librarian. As soon as they stepped out onto the quad of the university Nick said to Reziko "Kill him."

Reziko whirled and suddenly the tip of his sword was at Bérenger's throat. "Ready your majesty."

Nick stepped up to a shuddering Bérenger Clodporrage who was too terrified to move but that didn't include soiling his robe. "You terrified and verbally assaulted the mother of the King of Lancre when she was looking for information on a lost infant. You embarrassed the mother of the queen instead of assisting which is a violation of your charter as a master librarian. Tell me, what is keeping Reziko from opening your throat?"

"I'm hoping his majesty's largesse of mercy," said a voice from behind Bérenger, and Archchancellor Sebastian Dashwood stepped into the light.

"At ease," said Nick and Reziko sheathed his sword. "Actually, I just don't want to get blood on my overcoat. How are ya doin' Seb? How's married life treating you?" said Nick as he shook hands with the Archchancellor.

"Doing wonderful, splendid! My bride is brilliant! She is thinking of extending the narrow gauge to Henrietta Falls for tourism!" Both the Archchancellor of the Unseen University and his wife, Lucricia von Überwald are train nuts and owners of multiple private cars.

"That's great. I'd love to chat but I have a meeting with the Patrician," said Nick.

"What a coincidence, the Patrician has asked me to join the meeting as an unofficial representative of Überwald." The Archchancellor's wife was a member of the family that rules Überwald. That's when Nick remembered something.

"Bérenger you madcap, I completely forgot about you. You may go." The terrified librarian raced off to change his robes and turning to Sebastian, Nick said, "Shall we hie thee hither?" as they left the university on foot and headed over to the Patrician's palace.

"I don't think that means what he thinks it means," said Reziko.

"Shhh, he's the king. It means exactly what he wants it to mean," said Findlay who was getting used to Nick's fracturing of the language. As long as the documents he signs are clear and concise, Findlay was happy. They were soon at the patrician's palace, as they entered the building a guard said, "Your swords."

Nick shrugged and said, "This isn't my sword," and patted the sword on his hip. "I'm just carrying it for a friend," and continued into the building but a guard stopped him.

"I cannot allow you to continue in with a sword."

"Fine. Tell the patrician that the King of Lancre expects him in my office at five PM next Wednesday." And with that he turned and left with Findlay and Reziko.

They were nearly in the Unseen University when the guard sprinted up to them and grabbed Nick by the shoulder. The guard wasn't quite sure what happened next because it happened so fast. One minute he was grabbing the little guy's shoulder, the next he's laying flat on his back with a huge black cat pressing his shoulders into the cobble stones with frying pan size claws. It opened its mouth displaying steak knife size fangs and roared a roar that left the guards eardrums vibrating for the next week.

"Sorry," said Nick, suddenly human again. "It's kind of a nervous twitch since the war. You come to tell me the patrician doesn't mind the swords?"

"U-u-u-uh y-y-y-eah"

"Good man," said Nick as he helped the huge human back to his feet. "Go ahead and take the rest of the night off."

"Y-y-y-yeah g-g-g-good i-idea."

"I wish you wouldn't do that," said Reziko as they headed back to the palace. "It makes me feel unnecessary."

"Sorry, I'll try to keep it to a minimum."

"It was truly inspiring," said Findlay who has heard about the King's skill but he hasn't seen it.

"Next time I'll do the dingaroo," said Nick, "it's truly amazing."

They headed back to the Patricians Palace escorted by a second security guard who saw Nick take down the other guard and kept looking over his shoulder. He nervously escorted them to the Patrician's office where the Patrician, Havelock Vetinari, the Duke of Ankh, Samuel Vimes, and the Archchancellor of the University, Sebastian Dashwood waited. Nick nodded to the Patrician, then bowed to Sam Vimes and held out the sword he was carrying at his waist. "Your blade, your grace."

Sam took the blade and turned it over in wonder. It was made for him by his wife Sybil when he was made the Duke of Ankh but was stolen when someone broke into their mansion while they were on holiday in Überwald. "I'm sorry, Sir Samuel... I can't get the blood off of it."

"Thank you, your majesty. Where did you find it?"

Nick remembered taking it from the man that stumbled into their campfire the night before the battles started. The lost mercenary tipped Nick off that an attack was coming and from that moment onward Nick remembered every single man he killed with Sam's blade. "I didn't find it... it found me." Nick wasn't exactly there with them, his eyes were unfocused when he said, "I avenged my king with it... it's a fine blade." Then Nick sat down and smiled at Havelock Vetinari and said, "Thank you for seeing me."

"I see that your little mountain country just enlarged its borders," said Vetinari.

"Yes sir, Duke Lolar Hampton of Warwickshire and I saw how vulnerable we were with our naïve, live and let live attitudes. Twice bit, thrice shy kind of thing."

"You seem to have a knack for stepping in and saving Lancre," said the Patrician. "First a large creature that wanted to eat A'Tuin, followed by a clan of dwarves bent on stealing bear mountain, then a wizard from another world, and now a vengeful old woman." Havelock drummed his fingers on the table, then said, "it's always the vengeful old women that are the most dangerous."

"Now they must watch for the King of Diamonds," said Nick.

The reference to the king in the deck of cards that only shows one eye wasn't lost on Lord Vetinari. "The king of diamonds is the lowest ranked king in the deck."

"That's true, but he outranks forty-four other cards."

"Hey," said Sam who was inspecting his sword for blood and finding none, "You guys gonna play poker or are we going to talk?"

"I came to inform you that we are going to take steps to ensure that the Day of Three Battles doesn't happen again. I buried far too many friends and neighbors and I want to ensure that no king of Lancre, no duke or earl under that king ever has to go through that again. My intelligence showed that that old woman contacted the leaders of thirteen nations and eleven took part in the attack and an additional two joined by proxy.

"I only have ten taking part, Cystern, Spatz Mountain, Ataxia, Spinsters Gulch, Akrasia, Gwenders, Sialoqi Peak, Lalochezia, Smicker, Frisson Falls and one joining by proxy, Nikhedonia," said the patrician.

"I'm sure your intelligence is more on top of it, we're new at this," said Nick with a frown.

"I noticed that you made your head of police the duke of nothing exactly so you have a spare political tool and a ready commander for your reserve forces," said the Patrician. "It took me twenty years to figure that one out, you realized the need in two months."

"I'm not incapable of learning," sighed Nick. But he got exactly what they came for, the Patrician's list was exactly the same as his, unless they were both withholding information.

They talked for another hour and Nick assured that he offered no threat to Ankh-Morpork or Überwald. The men from Ankh-Morpork that were part of the attack were very unsuccessful mercenaries and were not sent by the Patrician and Nick was prepared to sign any reasonable treaty they offered. They agreed that he was correct and had the right to concentrate on the minor kingdoms that joined the attack on Lancre and give most of them the chance to join the Kingdom of Lancre voluntarily.

The meeting skirted less danger than Havelock Vetinari had expected, he expected threats from the short king but his remark about the king of diamonds recognizing that there were cards above him told Vetinari that Nick knew his position... or did it? The man is full of surprises. Vimes finally demanded to know where his sword came from.

"A mercenary that got lost. He was supposed to be in the group that attacked Creel Springs. They came in from Ankh Morpork, Quirm and the Sto Plains, they hopped on freight trains and hopped off as the train approached Hot Dang. He couldn't find his meet up point and wandered lost in the woods for two days until he stumbled onto our campsite on Bear Mountain. We tied him up and he told me he won the sword in a poker game at the Mended Drum."

Sam inspected the blade again and said, "You avenged your king with this?"

"The man that took my kings life was still alive when we met. I corrected that issue with your blade and haven't touched it since. Now if you don't mind, I must take my leave," and he got up and along with the Archchancellor he headed back toward the Unseen University.

They were headed back to the University and instead of walking toward the library Nick started leading them behind the university. "Where are you going, your majesty?" asked Findlay.

"Home," said Nick as he led them along Peach Pie Street, and soon he found the wall that his father threw him against so hard that he lost consciousness. Over there, that was where he broke down and wept and realized he was all alone, lost in a world that hated him until a puppy curled up with him. He looked at a pile of trash, barrels and crates just a jumbled pile, but Nick knew that there was sense to their arrangement.

He signaled to Findlay and Reziko to be silent and Reziko pulled his blade and followed Nick as he slowly approached the trash pile. The entrance should be right about... here. He found a small entrance to the pile. There was nothing there in the blackness but looking with his left eye he saw a small shivering child. It was a tiny boy, maybe three years old, who sat shivering and stared at him with his huge eyes. "Hi little guy," whispered Nick. "Whatcha doing? Is it your turn to sleep near the door?"

The tiny boy didn't react at first but eventually he nodded his head. Nick sighed, there was a family group of kids in there, the little ones, the ones that the big kids beat up and took their food and the pennies they scrounged. They huddled in a group for warmth but someone had to sleep by the door when it gets cold so they either took turns or put the one that was closest to dying there. Being small, Nick slept by the door quite often. "Would you like to come with me and get warm? I have a nice warm house and a box full of puppies."

The little boy nodded again but the look of sheer terror never left his face. "Ok, come on you, let's go get some supper and get warm. Nick reached in and picked up the little boy, "What's your name?" but the tiny lad didn't answer. Nick slowly backed out of the nest knowing that at least one other child would come out.

Finally, he was free from the house and Nick asked again "What's your name?" as he held the little boy tight.

"Cholly. His name is Cholly."

Nick looked down and there was a little girl looking up at him with her hands on her hips and fire in her eyes. She couldn't be older than five years old but Nick knew that the kids in the gutter didn't look their age. "How old are you?" asked Nick.

"I'm seven and I'm his mommy."

Nick was moved to tears, quite often a little girl will become "mommy" to the youngest children on the street despite her inability to actually fix their problems. "Mommy" ads a little order to a horrific condition. "Is that your mommy Cholly? What's her name?" Cholly's huge eyes continued to show fear and exhaustion. Cholly simply nodded but he didn't make a sound. Starving kids don't make sounds. "What's your name mommy?" asked Nick.

"I'm Darla and I'm not your mommy," she said with a stamp of her bare foot.

"I'm taking Cholly with me to see a doctor, and give him some nice hot food, maybe even a warm bath, and a bed to sleep in and you can come too." He looked down and several more kids emerged from the nest. "Is that ok with you Cholly?" and this time he nodded a little more enthusiastically.

"Your majesty," started Findlay but Nick glared at him. "Sir, how will we get these children home?"

"Is that a real sword?" someone cried and Reziko was suddenly surrounded by five boys who were fascinated by the sword. Nick counted, they had five boys between the ages of four and seven, two girls, Darla and Tina, a girl who looked barely older than Cholly, and Cholly himself.

"Ok, who wants to come live with me?" asked Nick but only Cholly raised his tiny hand.

"Why? What's in it for you?" demanded Darla, who clearly was the head of this family.

"I'm starting a school, it's a boarding school so you'll have a place to sleep and food to eat."

"What are we going to learn?" asked an older boy.

"Stuff you've never even dreamed about, we're going to make snow men, and climb mountains. We're going to learn about farms and how to take care of cows and horses and chickens and pigs, and we're going to learn how to build furniture, like tables. We're going to learn how to mine and dig out coal and iron and we will ride horses, swim in the big pond and you'll meet fairies and gnomes, dwarves and trolls. What do you say?"

"There's no such thing as dwarves," said Tina.

"Are you coming with me Cholly?" Nick asked the tiny boy in his arms.

"Es."

"All right! Cholly is coming. Anyone else?"

"I have to come with and make sure he doesn't cause trouble, so is Tina," said Darla as she put her arm around the other girl. "You guys are coming too," she ordered the other boys.

The boys who were still admiring Reziko's sword and his description of how his grandfather made it barely heard what she said, but they agreed. "You can't take them through the University," said Archchancellor Dashwood. Before Nick complained Sebastian Dashwood said, "There were some problem with... ahem, underage visitors. The buildings are surrounded with strong spells that prevent underage people from entering the university unless they have been matriculated."

"Ewww," said Darla.

"Fine," said Nick, "We'll just wait in Havelock's office."

"I've got a better idea," grinned the Archchancellor.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

The funeral ceremony for Marge Ivers was held by torchlight in the Battle of Creel Springs Memorial Cemetery. Town criers walked through Creel Springs and Lancre announcing another victim of the Day of Three Battles had died and her funeral was in Creel Springs. Even before the sky was fully dark carriages and people on horseback came down Breeders Peak road and crowded the cemetery. Octavia took one glance back in Marge's tiny house and with a wave of her hand it was cleaned spotless, then she made the trek to the cemetery with Annabelle Prescott guarding her.

Normally the young duke was speaking at these grave side ceremonies, sometimes the king, but this time it was the queen. She normally avoided speaking at these ceremonies, she was poisoned during the battles and felt ashamed that she allowed herself to be poisoned like that so she was unavailable to help.

"When I first moved to Creel Springs one of the first people I met was Margaret Whiting, Sieffre Merrick's granddaughter. She was in love with John Ivers, the apprentice to the county farrier Allyn Evans." She wished she hadn't said that because dear old Allyn was a victim of the senseless violence and was killed with his own hammer. He was buried here too.

"Marge always had time for the couple of strange city kids, and always a kind word and a helpful hand. The first baby I ever held in my life was my own, Marlon, and Marge joined her cousin Ena McCrory to help me out, to learn the mysterious ways of children." Her chin started quivering and she heard Ena gasping, trying to hold back the tears, but she was fighting a losing battle. She and Ena and Marge had drifted apart over the years... and she hated herself for letting that happen.

She spoke of her and Marge raising Holly and Mark together as infants, then the horror that all farriers wives dread, a sudden kick from a horse that ended her husband's life. She stopped there remembering the horror and the realization that her magic could not fix everything; in fact it couldn't fix what needed fixing most.

"Thank you Marge, thank you for the times we've had together, you, me, and Ena, we were inseparable. Thank you for your son Mark, a brave, wonderful young man who saved my family, we will keep an eye on him for you. I love you Marge... I... I..." She suddenly looked so lost, so alone. Then mechanically she said, "we commend you to the soil, until we meet again." Then weeping she stepped down from the platform and her guards drew around her. Annabelle caught Octavia as she collapsed weeping, crying for her friend that she couldn't save.

Hollie was lost, she didn't know what she wanted until the senior witch in Lancre, Agnes Dempsey came up to her and said, "Go spend some time with your young man, we'll work on borrowing on Monday night."

"'k," was all she got out then went and sat in her mother's carriage as person after person stepped up to Mark and offered their condolences. As they were doing that, Octavia walked over to her carriage and sat down next to Hollie and hugged her daughter until Mark had enough and was carried into the carriage. As soon as he sat down Hollie moved next to him and she cradled his hand in hers.

Lost for something to say, Mark finally said, "Your mom fixed my eye; do you like it?"

"You're still wearing an eye patch, let me look." She flipped up his eyepatch and saw his gold eye, just like her father. She couldn't understand the feelings that were racing through her at the moment, and whatever they were this probably wasn't the proper time for them, but they felt good. "It's handsome," was all she could get out.

They rode in silence for a long time then just before emerging from the tunnel on palace grounds Mark asked, "Do you think she's with my dad?"

"Yes, I do." said Octavia. "Your parents had a very, very special love, that's why she didn't find another husband, and there were guys interested. Yes, I'm sure they're finally together." She reached forward and patted his good knee. "Your mom's last thoughts were about the two of you, she didn't want to go until she saw you and Hollie together, so maybe she has a special insight into your love."

"Mother please..." groaned Hollie.

The palace guard gathered around Mark and they lifted him out of the carriage and into a wheelchair and moved him to a room in the palace guard barracks, a section of the castle a floor below the kitchens. "Hollie, come on, let's let them take care of their man, we will see him tomorrow."

"It's not fair," she pouted. "We get the nice rooms because we're royal and he gets the crappy rooms because he's not."

"How do you know they're crappy, have you been down there?"

"No," said Hollie. They were crappy because she couldn't go down there.

"Their rooms are designed for what they need, ours are not... except for our balcony where your father can go flying." She hugged Hollie and said, "tomorrow the cast comes off his left arm and your father starts rehabilitation of the arm and the leg. The eye and other parts I... helped."

"Mother please..." groaned Hollie.

"Come on, your brothers and sisters miss you." As they headed up the long walk to the seventh floor a page caught up with a flimsy sheet of paper.

"Personal clacks for you from the king, your majesty."

"Thank you Cecil," she took the folded clacks and the young man was shocked that the Queen knew his name. She read the clacks and muttered, "What the hell is your father up to now?" She handed Hollie the clacks message that said "ARRIVING AT 2:00 PM IN HOT DANG. NEED TRANSPORTATION FOR 11 FROM TRAIN TO CASTLE."

"Cecil," called Octavia to the retreating page. "Please inform Prince Marlon that he is in charge while we are out."

"Yes your majesty."

She handed the clacks to Cecil and said, "Reach out to Duke Prescott and ask him to arrange transportation for fourteen."

"Yes your majesty," and Cecil ran off.

"Come on Hollie," said Octavia as she started heading down the staircase.

"Where are we going?"

"Ankh-Morpork."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

"It ith good to thee you again mathter," said Igor as Nick stepped on the private car Lady Lucricia.

Nick smiled and said, "It's good to see you too Igor." He stuck a hand out to shake and let Igor choose what hand he was going to shake it with, he has three arms. "This is going to be difficult but Sebastian said we can make it work. I have eight homeless children to transport to Lancre."

"What are you going to do with the children?" asked the manservant.

"I'm going to create a school around them."

"Allow me to thay that this will not be the difficult part. The hard part thtarts when you get home."

"Right now we need hot water, soap and washrags, and something to feed them, they probably haven't had a proper meal in years. I'm going to go get them." Nick stepped off the car, then a moment later he returned with Cholly in his arms and the other seven tagging along behind. Darla, Tina, Codie, Albie, Hadley, Asher, and Benjy who was almost as small as Cholly climbed aboard with varying amounts of help from Findlay, Reziko, and the Archchancellor.

In the moments that Nick was off the car gathering up the children, Igor put out bowls of steaming hot water, washrags, bars of soap and towels. "Ok, wash up first," said Nick. There was a lot of groaning but Nick insisted, "hands and faces or nobody gets supper."

"What's for supper?" asked lanky Albie.

"It won't matter because if you don't wash you won't get any."

Nick sat down with Cholly and washed his tiny hands very, very carefully... so little, so fragile looking, the poor child is probably covered with mites and lice. Using a lot of soap and water he removed layers of dirt from his tiny face. "Look what I found!" said Nick proudly. "A little boy! Who knew one was hiding under all that dirt? I think Cholly is going to be number one in line for dinner."

"No fair, he had help!" complained Asher.

<><><><><>

Octavia and Hollie emerged from L-Space in the library of the Unseen University in Ankh Morpork. Just as the ill-tempered head librarian Bérenger Clodporrage was about to shout something, Octavia pointed Virga at him and said "DON'T!" She wasn't loud but the force of her command vibrated in Bérenger's head for a long time. Virga's eye opened and glared at Bérenger Clodporrage and the mouthy librarian was unable to speak.

"He seems to be highly nervous your majesty. I do not think he got this job legitimately. A library with this amount of magical books requires a senior master librarian, I believe he is a technical librarian first class."

"Good to know," said Octavia and they stormed out of the library and headed toward the Archchancellors office. "BURSAR!" Octavia cried. The bursar, Reginald Nutt, leaned out of his office to see who was shouting for him. "Does the Archchancellor know where my husband is?"

"They are together your majesty, at the train station."

"Right, follow me Hollie," said Octavia and she stepped out of the University administration offices and walked out on the quad. She mounted Virga sidesaddle like a witch riding a broom and began to rise.

"Mom! I can't fly."

"You've flown twice tonight. Don't think about it, just do it."

Hollie relaxed, mounted her broom and got it to float, then she closed her eyes and cleared her mind. "It's not working."

"Open your eyes," said Octavia. They were fifty feet in the air and heading toward the train station. Octavia flew to the station and buzzed along the platforms looking for her husband. Hollie was right behind her gathering confidence as they swooped through the train shed. "Careful of the platform roof!" she said as she flew over a made up passenger train and began to inspect the other trains. Then she saw the car with the gold script letters on the side, Lady Lucrecia, that had to be it. They set down on the platform and heard the cries of excited children inside.

Climbing into the train car Octavia found it filled with filthy children. They were clustered around bowls of hot water and were scrubbing layers of filth off their faces and hands and were cheering each other on. Reziko and Findlay were crouched down helping little boys wash up and shouts of "He didn't say anything about my arms!" and "My ears aren't part of my face!" while Igor behind the bar was making sandwiches.

Back in the corner she saw Nick with a tiny boy on each knee. Both looked terrified but their faces and hands were clean. He was talking to them softly like he did with Gwendolyn when she had night terrors. Nick would cuddle his little girl and walk back and forth in the small cottage keeping her quiet with gentle stories. A voice that Nick recognized as Darla called out, "Yay! Girls are here!" but he continued to talk to the little guys.

Octavia knelt down next to Nick and she didn't need to asked what was going on, from the horrible condition of these children she realized that he got them out of the gutter he grew up in. "Who is this?" asked Octavia.

"The clean one is Cholly, and the one that Cholly and I are cleaning up is Benjy. Right Cholly?" Cholly looked terrified but he nodded yes. "I was coming back from the meeting with the patrician and I was going to show the Archchancellor where I used to live and I found my house full of kids, right Benji?" and he nodded yes.

"That was my house!" shouted Darla.

"And you did very good with it," said Nick.

Octavia sat down next to Nick, her mind spinning with what she was seeing. It was organized chaos; it was joyful pandemonium. One by one the children came up to Nick who inspected them like he did with his own six children when he lived on the farm, hands face ears neck all checked for dirt as he gently took care of the littlest of them. It was so Nick. "Ok, everybody is washed, are the bowls washed out?"

"Yeeeeessss!" they chimed.

"And the washrags and towels given back to Igor?"

"YEEEEEESSSS!" they shrieked.

"Ok, let's have supper," and Igor put a huge platter of sandwiches on the table in the center of the car and the kids minus Cholly and Benjy dove in. "Reziko, bring me the peanut butter and jelly for my assistants here."

Darla wrinkled her nose and demanded, "why does he call you your majesty?"

"It's part of his job description. It's a little complicated, you know paperwork," said Nick with a smile.

"Yeah, paperwork," said Darla as she devoured her sandwich. Obviously paperwork is the bane of abandoned children too.

Octavia sat next to Nick, and Cholly leaned toward Octavia holding his freshly washed hands out to her. "Oh, my poor little angel," she crooned as she lifted Cholly off Nick's lap.

"He helped me find the rest of them, didn't you Cholly?" and the little boy nodded. He settled in on Octavia's lap and for the first time that evening he stopped trembling. He studied the piece of sandwich that Octavia tore off and gave to him before putting it in his mouth. Meanwhile, once Benjy got a taste of the sandwich he ate it without any prodding by Nick.

Igor had started to make gourmet sandwiches that Lucricia and the Archchancellor would like but Nick said "No, something simple." Igor made peanut butter, peanut butter and jelly, and ham and cheese. They were made with thick slices of fresh baked bread and the kids ate ferociously, even surprising Nick who knew the hunger they were experiencing.

"Why?" asked Octavia trying not to laugh.

"Because every baby you gave me got old. You're not going to get old on me, are you Benjy?" Benjy wasn't sure how to answer that so he nodded yes.

After the kids ate sandwiches and drank all the mixer in the bar, Nick took the guitar that the Archchancellor handed him and played softly as the kids told their stories to Octavia at Nick's insistence. As they did that, Igor and Archchancellor Dashwood ran to get groceries. The queen was shocked to hear the stories of these little children being tossed out onto the street for reasons that were never explained to them but Nick whispered, "Their mothers were probably prostitutes and they got in the way, or their parents were drug addicts and simply threw them away."

"You?"

"My dad Ivo was addicted to Skim, a nasty addictive drug," he whispered, then louder he said, "Who knows what skim is?" a half dozen hands went up. "Who knows what vegetables are?" and one hand went up. "This is life on the street." He noticed a pair of watchmen checking on the car, peeking through the windows getting closer and closer to the door. "Last question, who wants to go to my house with me and lady Octavia and start our very own school?" and Hollie counted ten hands from eight children, even Cholly and Benjy raised their hands. "Ok, I'm taking that as a contract between you and me. Do you know what that means?" Eight little heads shook no, and Nick said, "that means we agree with each other, it's a good thing."

The watchmen stepped aboard the car and looked around. "I'm going to ask that everyone here get out of the car," said the shorter watchman who wore sergeant stripes.

"No," said Nick. "These are my students and you're interrupting their very first music lesson, now my secretary, Mister MacIver will show you out." Findlay opened the door to the end vestibule but the policemen didn't move. Nick continued to play the guitar and the watchmen began to grow closer.

"What do you think the owner of this car would say if he came through that door right now?" said the Sergeant pointing to the door with a truncheon.

"He would say, 'I got the groceries you asked for, your majesty,'" said Nick.

"I'm done asking you, now I'm telling you," said Sergeant Stonepaper almost shrieking in anger, "everyone here get out of the car!"

"That request exceeds your authority, sergeant," said Nick as he continued to strum the guitar. "If you leave I won't report you."

"That did it, I had enough of your mouth," said the larger cop, Constable Frothwater, and he raised his truncheon high above his head to strike Nick, but suddenly a very, very sharp sword was pushing into his chin.

"Say the word, your majesty," said Reziko Pants eager to dispatch this embarrassment that gives cops a bad name.

"Awww, you went and started an international... you know, wosname..." said Nick, pretending to be stupid.

"Dialogue?" asked Findlay.

"No, not that."

"War?" suggested Hollie.

"Nnnno, close, but no, not war," said Nick.

"Incident," said Octavia.

"That's the ticket, incident, you went and started an international incident. But you get too many international incidents and Bob's your uncle, you got a war." Nick looked at the little sergeant and said, "Go tell Commander Carrot that your trainee almost assaulted a foreign sovereign and is being held on charges of attempted regicide."

"And who should I say did my stupid trainee try to kill?" sneered Sergeant Stonepaper.

"Allow me to introduce you to his royal highness, King Verence the third, her majesty Queen Octavia of Lancre, and her majesty Princess Hollie Worblehat-Stein," said Reziko.

"The man who is waiting for permission to kill the constable is my personal bodyguard Lieutenant Reziko Pants, the head of Lancre Palace Security and sword training," said Nick.

The little sergeant's eyes grew big around as pie pans and he gasped and ran off leaving Constable Frothwater behind.

"Where did the kids go?" asked Hollie. The only children visible were Cholly and Benjy who were sitting in Nick and Octavia's laps. They looked terrified and Cholly started trembling again.

"Come on out, this one was a bad boy and he's going to get a spanking," said Nick and one by one the kids emerged from their hiding spaces. "I promise you, when you get to my house you'll never have to do that again."

Darla planted her feet in front of Nick and said, "Isn't this your house?" which caused Nick and Octavia to start laughing.

"Ok," said Octavia, "bedtime! Let's everyone find a bunk mate and get into bed!" Octavia led them to the compartment that Igor made up before going out for groceries with the Archchancellor. "And get out of those filthy dirty clothes!"

"I don't have any more clothes," pouted Tina.

"Your clothes will be nice and clean and mended when you get them back in the morning," said Octavia and she said, "come on, get them off."

"I'm shy," said the oldest boy Codie.

Hollie sighed and said, "I've got two sisters, three brothers, and I've raised cows, chickens, horses, goats, a thousand sheep and a million rabbits and you don't have anything I've never seen before. Clothes off!" Soon Darla and Tina were in the lower bunks with Cholly and Benjy who were happy to be back with their mommies. The four boys climbed into the two upper bunks and after a round of tickling and laughing started to drift off to sleep.

Commander Carrot Ironfounderson, Captain Angua von Überwald and Sergeant Cyrus Stonepaper approached the private rail car, it was sitting right where Stonepaper said it would be. Carrot had a bad feeling about this, especially when Angua swore when she saw her Aunt Lucricia's name on the side of the rail car. "This is property of a foreign dignitary," whispered Angua and Carrot nodded. They entered the car at the sleep compartment end as a naked little boy stepped out of the toilet half awake and darted into a sleeper compartment and burrowed under the covers. At the end of the walkway was a witch wearing a scowl. "Where is that child's clothes?" asked Angua.

"They're being washed and mended courtesy of the kingdom of Lancre," said the witch. "When has Ankh Morpork shown him that kind of kindness?"

Ignoring the question, Commander Carrot asked, "Could you step out of the way ma'am?"

From behind her Findlay MacIver's voice could be heard. "The proper term of address is 'Your Majesty,'" and Carrot and Angua realize that they were confronting the Witch Princess Hollie Worblehat-Stein.

"I'm going to recuse myself," said Angua.

"Why?"

"Her brother is married to my niece, weren't you paying attention at the wedding?"

Now Carrot swore {to himself}. How much worse could this get? Hollie stepped aside and he saw behind her a man softly playing the guitar. He turned to Carrot and said, "Welcome Commander." Carrot saw the man's crockelgator skin eyepatch and almost wept. It was the king of Lancre.

"Good evening your majesty, what brings you to our fair city?"

"I had a meeting with The Patrician and the Duke of Ankh this evening. The queen and I are taking the train home. We will be leaving in..." he looked at his pocket watch, "four hours. Well, it's supposed to be three hours and forty eight minutes but this is the AM and SP railroad."

"I'm going to ask you to leave the children."

"You're in no position to ask me anything Commander, you should return to your office and mark in your ledger that we spoke and you went back to bed."

"They are citizens of Ankh Morpork..." Carrot started but Nick shut him down.

"They are now citizens of Lancre, they have sworn their fealty to me and depend on me for their protection. You have no claim to them, and touching a hair on their heads would be an act of war. Nick sprang from his chair and glared up at Carrot. "Are you ready to go to war over eight children commander Carrot? Are you? Because I am. I was one of those kids thrown in the trash by Ankh Morpork, and when I found them hiding in the same trash heap that I used to live in I said it stops now. Do you know what war looks like Commander Carrot? I do, and I can show you. I've learned quite well how it works."

"You really need to leave," said Octavia with a slight smile, "you're making him mad."

"I need to take Constable Frothwater with me," said Carrot.

"Constable Frothwater will be taken to Überwald to be tried on charges of attempted regicide," said Nick as he glared up at carrot who stood over a foot taller than Nick.

"Überwald?" asked Carrot. He glanced at Corporal Frothwater who looked like he was about to wet himself.

"He was on Überwald property when the alleged assault occurred," said Angua.

Just then, the owner of the car stepped aboard and said, "We have the groceries you asked for your majesty," called Archchancellor Dashwood as he boarded with several sacks of groceries and Igor carrying two cases of fruit juice.

"That is the owner of the car returning," said Nick softly and he began to play a slow funeral dirge on the guitar. Sergeant Stonepaper nearly cried as the Archchancellor recited everything that Nick said he would say.

An hour later the Duke of Ankh, commander of all Ankh Morpork men under arms stepped aboard the car. "Your majesty," said Samuel Vimes with a bow.

"Your grace," said Nick returning the bow. They shook hands and sat down.

"What's this I hear about children?" asked Sam as Igor opened a cigar box and offered Archchancellor Dashwood, Nick, Sam, and Octavia a cigar.

Hollie tried to get one "for Mark" but Nick said, "He can have one of mine." She was shocked to see her mother puffing on a fine cigar but her mother warned her that she had a wild past. With cigars and brandy all around, the King of Lancre and the Duke of Ankh began to chat.

"Walking back from our meeting I decided to swing by the 'old neighborhood' as you might say..."

"Over on Peach Pie Street?" asked Sam thinking back to the long talks they had in the past about their lives in The Shades.

"Yep, and sure enough, in the same pile of crap I used to live in with Gaspode, there were eight kids packed in like kippers. One, maybe two may not make it through the month." He puffed on his cigar as Hollie looked at her dad in shock, he was one of them? "To make a long story short I decided to put together a school for foundlings, they're my pilot program. Archchancellor Dashwood was kind enough to loan me his car to transport them to their new school. If this works, we'll get eight more next year, same age group, the little ones, the ones that usually don't live, and we'll give them an education and a fighting chance."

"Brilliant!" said Sam, he turned to Carrot behind him. "That's a capitol idea, wouldn't you say Ironfounderson?"

"Yes, your grace," Carrot didn't sound as excited about the plan as his boss was. Nick, Octavia and Sam talked long through the night and soon came the bang and shudder of the car being coupled up to a train.

"It was great catching up," said Nick. "Why don't you bring Sybil and young Sam up to the castle for Hogswatch this year, spend the weekend with us."

"Young Sam has a wife and four year old daughter now," grinned Lord Vimes.

"Capitol! Bring them along, we're going to have a children's party on Hogswatch Eve."

"It's a date, do you mind if I take my errant constable with me when I go?"

"The fact that he thought it was ok to hit me when he thought I was just a normal person, and the fact that neither he nor his sergeant bothered to ask for identification tells me that the once proud Ankh Morpork watch has a training issue, so yes, by all means, take him and make sure he gets the training he needs."

As they walked back to the Watch house, Carrot asked Angua, "is that what diplomacy is all about?"

"Oh, that wasn't diplomacy," said Angua. "They really like each other. That was old friends catching up. Diplomacy is talking to each other like that when inside you hate the other guy so much that you want to stick a knife in their eyeball."

The king and queen of Lancre were asleep curled up together in Nick's easy chair, and sometime during the night Lucricia von Überwald arrived via L-Space and was curled up with her husband in the main sleeping compartment. Hollie was fast asleep in a sleeping compartment and Findlay was in the bunk above her. Only Reziko and Igor were awake. Reziko was sitting at the bar drinking tomato juice and watching the sun come up over the Sto Plains and Igor was behind the bar preparing breakfast for eight tiny mouths.

The car had three sleeping compartments, the bar/lounge area and several café booths. The car was called an "Obs," which was short for observation because the end of the car was full of windows for simply watching the disk slide by.

The sun was crawling above the horizon when Nick felt a tiny hand on his knee. He opened an eye and it was Darla and a very worried looking Cholly. "Mister, Cholly is worried because your house is moving."

Nick looked out a window and saw the Sto Plains, cabbage harvest nearly complete, slide past. "It's a train car, it's supposed to move... don't you know what a train car is?" Cholly shook his head "no" slowly and Nick said, "that's ok, I've never been on a train before either." He hoisted Cholly into his lap along with Octavia and said, "bring his clothes to me and I'll dress him, you get your clothes on also." Nick sighed. Even though their hands and faces are clean, they're still so dirty. Ankh Morpork filth can penetrate nearly any barrier. When Darla got back in her dress, Cholly was snuggled with Nick and Octavia, and he was grinning.

"Do you like this Cholly? Do you want to be a prince?" asked Octavia.

"He can't be a prince!" demanded Darla. "You gotta have a king to make a prince."

Nick grinned at Octavia. "Wanna make a prince?"

"Stop! There's little ears around!" and she swatted him with Cholly's clothes.

"Ok you, let's get some clothes on, you can run around naked once you've had a proper bath." Nick pulled Cholly's shirt and shorts on, then tugged on his tiny cardigan sweater. The feel of clean fabric was alien to Cholly and he kept pulling the shirt out and looking down at it. "Soon as your buddies get up and dressed we will have breakfast."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

The train ride was fascinating to the children, their little noses were glued to the windows as they traveled. When the train headed up into the mountains Darla wanted to see more train so Nick, Octavia and Reziko took them in two groups on a walk through the parlor car up to the dining car and back. Nick was recognized by several passengers, a few of them well-to-do. He spoke of his plan to educate eight gutter children and two of the passengers wrote a check. "Get them some coats and boots."

"Bless you!" gushed Nick, moved nearly to tears at the sudden kindness.

At the peak of Sky Dancer Pass the children got out to touch white snow, the first white snow they ever saw. In Ankh Morpork, any snowflake that survives the fall through Ankh Morpork air arrives on the ground covered in soot and coal ash and is indistinguishable from the rest of the filth. "It burns!" said Albie as he grabbed a handful. Nick carried Benjy as Octavia carried Cholly and they scooped up a handful of snow and held it out to them. Cholly studied it and touched it a little but Benjy grabbed it out of Nick's hand and stuffed it in his mouth and laughed.

"I did the same thing the first time I saw snow," said Nick.

<><><><><>

At two PM the train pulled into Hot Dang station and there was a huge crowd there to meet the train. "I wonder why they're all here," said Nick.

"Well... you don't get the king into Hot Dang very often," said Octavia. Nick looked and sure enough, Baron Harmon Howitzer was there on the platform. Nick gestured to him and the baron climbed on to the car expecting to see heads of state or something like that, instead he got to see Hollie and Octavia buttoning up the sweaters on eight small, dirty children, most of which didn't have any shoes.

"Harmon, tell me these crowds were not your idea," said Nick knowing full well that Baron Howitzer is not fond of crowds.

"We got a clacks from the palace requesting transportation for the king plus fourteen and the word spread. I tried to hold them back but, your people in Thrash love you."

"Probably because they don't know me. Ok, these young people are my VIPs, they don't have decent coats yet so I hope the coaches have quilts."

"They do sire. The first snows are starting to fall in Lancre so I made sure of that."

Nick patted the baron on the back, "Thanks Harmon, I knew I could count on you. Now if I can get out of here without having to make a speech..."

"That might be a problem."

Five minutes later, Nick was standing on a podium addressing the huge crowd of "Thrashers" as they called themselves. "Thank you so much for this welcome, you all are a delight to myself and my queen." When the cheering calmed, Nick continued. "Years ago when the king made Thrash a part of Wægn I came down here in secret as your new duke to see what Thrash was all about, and I received an equally warm welcome. How do you people figure this out? Am I that obvious?" After the laughing died down Nick got serious. "We are still feeling the effects of the attacks of June fifteenth. We lost another person in Creel Springs due to her injuries last night. Every life lost has been precious to Octavia and me, and this one was almost family."

He paused to fight back the tears then continued on. "We are not going to advance by memorializing the past and doing nothing, we honor our fallen brothers and sisters when we learn from the lessons we were taught and apply that knowledge and make a better Lancre. Our future is in our children, I don't know if any of you know this but I was an orphan in Ankh Morpork as a child, and I was there last night and nothing has changed, I found these eight tiny children trying to live in the same pile of trash sitting in the same gutter I lived in thirty years ago. They came home with me and we're going to start a school and we're going to learn from each other because while I am on the throne, your baron and I will work to insure that no child in Lancre will spend Hogswatch begging for food."

And to wild applause he climbed down and hopped in the carriage that was waiting for him. When Findlay told him that they had everyone aboard they were off, two large coaches and six mounted Lancre Watch Constables that included Preston and Annabelle Prescott and headed up Main Road to Creel Springs. The questions from the children were many and funny, Hadley demanded to know where all the trees came from, "Did you take them from the park?" Albie wanted to know where everybody went, "I haven't seen ANYONE in hours!" Darla was worried that wolves would eat Cholly. "He's very little you know; a werewolf will swallow him."

"Do you see that lady on the horse next to you?" asked Nick as he pointed to Annabelle. "She's a werewolf, does she look like she'll eat Cholly?"

Instead of answering, Darla turned to Annabelle and shouted, "Hey lady! Mister King says you're a werewolf!"

"I am," said Annabelle with a sweet smile. "He's not Mister King, he is THE king."

Darla looked at Nick in shock. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did, you didn't believe me."

The only thing that Nick could determine that the kids have learned was that Hollie was the coolest person ever. "I'm very proud of her, she's my oldest daughter."

"She's your daughter?" asked Codie, "But she's taller than you."

Octavia and Hollie heard that in the other carriage and broke into laughter. "Reziko, if they don't stop in two minutes, kill them."

"Yes your majesty."

There was a stop they had to make in Creel Springs and they packed Nick's "King costume," and as they traveled along in an open carriage, Nick changed into the familiar red, silver, and blue (the colors of Lancre) suit. "What are we stopping for?" asked Darla.

"We are going to look at my son's new house."

"Your son has a house?"

"Yes, he and his mom and his wife just built it."

"oooOOOooo!" said the kids as they pulled up to the large fieldstone house. "That's fancy, it looks like a factory."

Nick tried to determine who said that but the closest he could figure was Asher. "You guys stay close to me and..."

"Can't we stay close to Hollie?"

Nick thought about it for a moment then said, "Yes, yes you can. Before she knew it the Witch Princess was deluged with questions from the foundlings about her hat and broom. She glared at Nick who said, "They took a vote and decided that you were the most interesting person here."

"He dresses like you!" called Albie pointing at Marlon who was wearing the royal colors also.

"Real pretty," said Tina and Nick had no doubt who Tina's first crush was going to be. He scooped her up, she was one of the little ones without shoes.

"You be quiet and I'll show you around the pretty house," said Nick.

There was a crowd in front of the house when the king's carts wheeled up and Nick and Octavia stepped out, Nick carrying Tina and Octavia carrying Cholly, the rest of the kids clustered around Hollie, but they respected her and did everything she told them to do. Marlon walked up to Nick and gave him a hug and came away with Tina. She had her hands wrapped around his neck. "I thought I was the pretty one," said Nick but Tina just shook her head no. "These are foundlings I found living on the street."

"Like you used to?" Marlon had only recently learned about his father's past as an orphan.

"Exactly where I used to live with Gaspode. We're going to have a school for them." He bent over and scooped up Benjy who was happy in his arms until he gave Annette a hug and she ended up with Benjy.

"Who are you?" giggled Annette.

"That's Benjy, he doesn't talk and we need to get him some shoes" said Nick.

"Would you like to say a few words?" asked Marlon and he indicated the crowd with his free hand.

"This is your house, this is your duchy, these are your people, they're probably tired of hearing from me."

"You got that right!" called someone from the back.

"Thank you Merle, thank you for your support," called Nick back, it was Merle Rorie, one of "the boys" and a longtime friend of Nicks which made the crowd laugh.

"I just want to thank everyone who made my dreams come true, especially Commander Preston Prescott and Captain Annabell Prescott who made my life complete," and with that he kissed Annette and the whole crowd went "Awwww!"

Annabelle gave the tour, it was a beautiful house, built to last out of fieldstone and mortar, but inside it was warm and comfortable. Above the main fireplace was a gargoyle, smaller than Nick's gargoyle Gula, this was one of Gula's babies. Nick scratched the small gargoyle behind the ear causing it's rear leg to start scratching which caused the kids to laugh.

Annabelle showed how the heat from the fireplace could be ducted to the bedrooms at night needing only one main fire, they could load the fireplace with coal or wood and close the glass doors and heat the whole house. There was a formal living room, a study for Marlon to do his paperwork for the duchy and the farm, a formal dining room, a family room and a large kitchen.

The basement was immense with tons of storage and cold storage like under the cottage and there were five bedrooms upstairs. "Would you like your cold storage permanent?" Octavia asked.

"Permanent?" Marlon looked confused.

"Permanent, like at the cottage where the cold storage room always remains below freezing."

Now Marlon looked embarrassed. "I hadn't thought of it, I always thought that was magic ice in that room."

"Men! Right Cholly?" Octavia asked her little tot who nodded as she cast a spell on the cold room and soon it was below freezing in there. Food storage on a planet that has yet to discover refrigeration.

"Are you going to have a public showing?" asked Nick. "It is their house."

"Yes, on Sunday."

"That will give us a little time to get used to it," said Annette.

"Can we stay here?" asked Darla.

"Not yet," said Octavia. "Maybe after you have had baths, but Marlon and Annette need to get used to their new house..."

"This big house for two people?" asked Codie in shock.

"They will have babies," said Octavia.

"What if they don't?"

"Well, then we'll send you over to live here."

"Ok, we need to get home, it's getting dark and these kids are getting hungry," said Nick. "Back to your carriages." Soon they were in the tunnel, clip clopping along and some of the kids were scared, Nick had Tina and Benjy on his lap with Asher pretending to be brave sitting next to him. As they came out of the tunnel Nick pointed to the Castle and said, "That's my house."

"Where? Where?" demanded Codie.

"Right there."

"That's the kings house!" Codie said.

"Yes."

"You can't live there, that's the king's house!"

"Let's go inside and see what they say, ok?"

"They're going to throw us out," mumbled Codie.

They pulled up to the door that was reserved for Nobles and Peerage and Nick got out with Benjy and Tina in his arms, they were met at the door by Lady Magrat who gasped, "Where did you get these little people?"

"They were living in my old house."

"In Ankh Morpork?" she asked.

"That was MY house," demanded Darla.

"Findlay!" called Nick. "Put out a quiet request for clothing for eight orphans that the crown has adopted. And we need a cobbler here tomorrow, we need shoes. I'm sure that there's some royal favors we can bestow on anyone that provides something for these kids."

"It's getting close to Hogswatch shopping season, a banner that says, "By Royal Appointment to the court of Verence III for the Holiday Season" would drum up some attention, especially if you bestowed it."

"Just don't get carried away with it," said Nick. "I'll put signs in windows but I'm not putting the throne of Lancre up for sale."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

The school got off to a rough start, the kids were ecstatic about having a roof over their heads and waking up dry, but the hardest part was convincing the children to take a bath, many people believed that a bath was unhealthy and the kids kept jumping out of the washtub. Eventually Nick allowed the headmistress, former queen Magrat, to use the kings bathtub which held four of the children easily.

The King's Bathing Room was near the royal kitchens so the children trooped through kitchen and the cooks and their assistants coo'd over the little ones as they trooped through the land of their dreams. Foods of all sorts could be prepared here, and these little ones idea of haut cuisine was an Igor's PB & J.

One by one Nick and Hollie lifted the little ones in the tub and this way they were able to give each child a witch's inspection, looking for signs of illness or infection. Luckily all their inspection revealed was bumps and bruises, malnutrition, and lice. Years of filth fell away as the children soaked and played in the hot soapy water, leaving behind a bathtub ring of depth and vibrancy. A quick final inspection by the queen magically removed the lice and mites and the children were dressed in t-shirts donated by Nick, Llywellyn and Exavier and they wandered around looking like little ghosts.

Being the Headmistress of the "Kings College" was a godsend to Magrat. She's been wasting away for nearly twenty years agonizing over the loss of her sons and mourning the grandchildren that would never be. The gift of eight children to care for and guide was like offering a full seven course meal to a starving man. She was a little lenient with them but Esme was a big help and it seemed like she was getting better every day and being big sister to eight little kids helped her immensely. How did Octavia know that asking Magrat to be the headmistress was such a good idea?

The next morning the children gathered around a huge table with The King in preparation for something they never had before, a hot breakfast. Finding rooms for the children wasn't hard, the castle is full of empty rooms, the hard part was finding rooms that were easy to contain the children if they should start to wander. They settled on the tower rooms that the king's family stayed in before he was crowned, the children were one floor above Magrat and Esme. "Did everybody sleep ok last night?" asked Nick and he was greeted with a universal "Yes!"

A still squeaky clean Codie asked, "If you're the king, where is the queen?"

"You met the queen on the train car with us last night. She helped bathe you."

"Queen Hollie," said a love smitten Codie.

"No, that's Princess Hollie, she will be joining us to teach you gardening. The queen will be along later tonight, right now she is on a good will tour."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

The queen's carriage with Queen Octavia, her personal assistants Lou and Loo-Loo, driver and guard Mark Ivers, and the king's secretary Findlay MacIver were on a mission. They didn't even have mounted guards as they trotted up to Barnacle House, the ancestral home of the Barnacle family who ruled the tiny duchy of Smicker, a tiny mountain principality which contains one village (Smicker) and one mountain (Mount Smicker) yet somehow they were able to come up with 35 young men to aid in the attack on Lancre.

Octavia found the main door to Barnacle house unlocked and no one tried to stop her as she entered. The big blocky brick house was roughly the size of Wægn Manor, but this house had a, for want of a better word, throne room where citizens of Smicker could petition the duke for whatever they needed. She looked around the house, using her staff Virga for illumination. All of the shutters and drapes were closed except for one that overlooked the rear garden and the view of Mount Gwenders.

She found the home empty except on the throne sat the moldering corpse of Duke Montgomery Barnacle XIV. Near at hand was the letter from Nick explaining that the queen would be arriving soon to discuss Smicker's part in the attack that occurred on June 15th. Whatever it was that Duke Montgomery drank was dried now, and Octavia didn't have the heart to call for a witch to determine what poison was used.

"Eeew," said Llywella, but Llywellyn went right to work, poking through every page on the dead duke's desk. There are no such things as forensic accountants on the discworld, but there are brilliant young Master Librarians with a love of numbers, and Octavia has two librarians who can absorb the knowledge of a book, scroll, or stack of documents with complete understanding just by holding the book, scroll, or stack of documents. Octavia could develop the same power, but her kids need something to do so the twins went right to work dissecting the duke's accounts.

While the twins devoured the numbers and chattered to each other in their own language, Findlay followed Queen Octavia around as she inspected every inch of the building. She found plenty of food stored in the basement, enough to last a family through the winter, a good stock of coal and firewood, and a pantry full of flour, salt, sugar, and other necessities. Heading upstairs she found what appeared to be several children's rooms, but in the main bedroom she found what appeared to be the corpse of Duchess Wilhemina Barnacle lying in the master bedroom. She opened the window to air out the room then headed downstairs.

As she turned to check on the twins an utter fop entered the building. He was dressed in red and black velvet and was wearing a powdered wig. His appearance caused the twins to start snickering. This was Rodley Compote, the stepson of Marquis Vernon Wynne. Vern said the boy wouldn't work out, but he owed his wife a favor. Octavia didn't say a word, a hand signal to Findlay informed him that he needed to record the conversation. The overdressed dandy walked around the house touching every fabric he saw and muttered "This will never do," as Findlay sat at a desk and wrote down every word. Finally, he turned to Queen Octavia and said, "Honey, I assume you are part of the audit team, please ask the king again what my redecoration allowance is scheduled to be. I'm sure it's not enough."

"He's wearing heels," whispered Loo-Loo which caused Lou to laugh and snort.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" the fop asked.

Loo-Loo looked at him and smiled sweetly and said in perfect Quirmian, "Je suis désolé, tu as dû me prendre pour quelqu'un qui s'en fout de toi." {I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone who gives a shit about you} which caused Lou to laugh even harder. Loo-Loo and Lou are the spitting image of their father, small, compact, and good looking with dark black hair. Loo-Loo's lush yet athletic build is a mirror image of her grandmother, and her brother has that build of a tiny powerlifter that attracted Octavia to Nick.

The fop walked up to Loo-Loo and said, "Would you repeat what you just said?"

"No," said Loo-Loo. "Not until you ask me politely."

The fop spun and glared at Octavia and said, "Honey, did you hear what this little cunt just said to me?"

Lou also has the temper of his father. He grabbed the fop by the wrist and spun him around to face him then gave the pompous peacock three lightning fast jabs to the midsection. When the fop bent over in agony his descending face met Lou's ascending knee breaking his nose. Lou then grabbed him by the throat and snarled, "The proper form of address for my mother is 'Your Majesty' or 'Queen Octavia' not 'honey,' and you will address my sister as 'Princess Llywella' not 'that little cunt.'"

Octavia said, "Let him go."

"Dad has killed for less," complained Llywellyn.

Octavia repeated gently, "let him go."

"Awww, I never get to kill anybody," and Lou let go of Rodley's throat and the silly fop sagged to the floor.

"What are you thinking?" Llywella asked her mother.

"I don't think Smicker should stand as a principality," said Octavia ignoring Rodley. "The only way to exist is to tax what few people you have into poverty." She looked out the window that faced Mount Gwenders. Between Smicker and Gwenders was a beautiful, turquois colored lake that in the past attracted anglers from all over the disk... it used to have quite a thriving tourist industry but at some point the idea that a rising tide lifts all boats died and the tiny mountain principalities turned on each other. Boats with a Gwenders tax stamp were denied landing rights on Smicker's docks and beaches, fishing licenses became mutually exclusive and eventually the fishermen stopped coming all together leaving Smicker and Gwenders to blame each other. "Collect what you got and let's take a look at Gwenders."

Llywellyn nudged the silly fop with his foot causing Rodley to run off with a unmanly warbling that caused Loo-Loo to start giggling and they began to box up all the documents that appeared to be important. Before they could head out, the door swung open and Rodley returned, with the king three feet behind him. He walked up to Octavia and bowed low and said, "I heartfully apologize, I failed to treat you with proper respect as a woman and a queen."

"Yes you did, and I will be having words with your mother about that."

With a gulp he turned to Loo-Loo. "What I called you is unforgivable, yet I plead for your forgiveness, often I don't know what comes over me."

"Prove it," said Llywella as she stacked up papers to put in the box that her brother was filling. "Prove to me that you're worthy of my forgiveness."

"How shall I prove it milady?"

"Queen Magrat Garlick is holding a school for orphans. Give her all the help she requests."

"And then?"

"And then we'll talk."

While Rodley minced out of Barnacle Hall, Nick put his arms around his queen from behind. "What do we have here honey?" He said honey loud enough for Rodley to hear.

"Two dead bodies and a shoebox full of debt," sighed Octavia. "It looks like they were at the end of their wits trying to keep their country together when those two women promised them a major stake in a gold mine in Wægn."

"Awww damnit," groaned Nick. "Why didn't they come to me?" All the lives lost... all the pain... He whirled and screamed at the corpse, "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME TO ME???"

Octavia could see that he was getting ready to bolt out the door and do something destructive in his anger, something possibly self-destructive. She reached out and grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in as he wept, "We could have worked it out... we could have saved all those lives... my king would be alive..."

She held her husband close and soon Octavia was weeping with him as she absorbed some of his anguish. He had so much bottled up inside! Through her tears she gestured the twins over and they hugged their dad too. Nick's anguish stemmed from the fact that he knew every man and woman in Lancre that was killed.

"We will fix it dad, no more wars," said Loo-Loo.

"Come on your majesty," Findlay said softly. "Let's step outside..." Findlay led the royal family outside followed by Mark Ivers who carried the picnic hamper. It was a beautiful mountain autumn day; the sun was warm and there was a picnic pavilion at the water's edge. All around the lake sat empty cabins, cabins that should be filled with fishermen and hunters, the duck hunting should be incredible here!. Nick saw several salmon leaping at insects and shook his head. "This lake should be filled with fishermen," said Findlay.

"Licensing fees killed it," said Lou around a bite of sandwich. "They just kept driving the fees up, trying to pay for frivolous expenditures."

"This is quite pretty, almost as pretty as our hot springs," said Nick as he allowed the peace and beauty to wash over him. "What don't I hear?" he asked.

"I'm not sure what you mean," said Findlay but Mark knew.

"Loggers," said Mark, "there's no loggers active." A thick forest like this always rang with the sound of an axe biting into a tree, a saw as it slid back and forth, a sledgehammer as it struck a metal wedge to split a log. No matter how far distant those sounds could always be heard in Wægn, the sounds of men harvesting the bounty of the forest.

"They outlawed logging," said Loo-Loo. "Something about trees not being a renewable resource."

Nick looked at Loo-Loo, then Octavia, then Lou, then Mark. "Is that true?"

"Yep," said Lou. "The Committee to Ban Wood Products demanded an end to all logging and they ended it."

"That is truly the stupidest thing that anyone in my family has ever said," said Nick. He pointed at Mark with a sandwich and said, "If you ever top that I will lop off that gimpy knee of yours and we'll see how well you get around with an old door hinge."

"Yes sir," chuckled Mark not noticing that Nick included him in the family. Last night, acting as the Royal Witch, Nick took off the cast on Mark's arm and pronounced his arm serviceable and ready for any improvements that Octavia could do. He also replaced the knee splint with a pair of hinged metal supports allowing him to flex and exercise his knee but his weight was transferred to his ankle by the metal bars.

"Ok, I'm going to head back to Lancre Town and see how Magrat is getting along with her little angels. I'll catch up with you in Gwenders." And with that Nick got up and walked out to the center of a clearing and became an eagle and flew out over the lake. He suddenly dove and came up with a trout in his talons that he flew back to shore with and dropped on the picnic table, then headed out over the lake again. Loo-Loo shrieked in horror as the trout began flopping around on the table while Mark, Lou, and Findlay tried to grab it. As the fish flopped around Octavia laughed so hard that tears were rolling down her cheeks and her sides began to hurt. The harder the fish flailed the harder she laughed.

Eventually Mark and Findlay returned the fish to the lake and Octavia found herself laying in the grass looking up at the clouds with Lou and Loo-Loo lying next to her. "Why did dad do that?"

"He was providing. When you're in an animal's body you are yourself, but you are the animal also and you can't fight the animals urges the whole time, occasionally you have to give in. The eagle saw you as his eaglets and gave you dinner. When Marlon was born that is how your father fed us."

"Do you change into animals too?" asked Loo-Loo.

"On occasion. Your dad and I fly together as eagles quite often."

"Did you ever give into, y'know," Lou waggled his eyebrows, "animal urges?"

Octavia gave him a grin. "That's the best part, where do you think you two came from? Let's get going, we have work in Gwenders."

"Eeew! Mom! That's just... eeew." Loo-Loo looked positively nauseated. "Stop providing details!"

Octavia was laughing the whole time they packed up and when Mark asked what was so funny she said, "Hollie's little sister just found out that her parents had sex."

"MOM!"

It was a long, beautiful ride around the lake and by the time they got to Trouthaven, the seat of power in Gwenders, they found that Nick was already there. The king was wearing his reading glasses and looking at documents as he paced the floor in the Duke of Gwenders study. The duke was a middle-aged man, with thinning gray hair and a worried look. He didn't look like royalty, he was like Nick, he looked like a man who was used to working with his hands. His wife was also worried as Nick reviewed the documents. "She threatened to poison every well in the duchy? I can believe it, I can picture her doing it, but I don't want to..."

"There's the sworn testimonies..." The man scratched his head and slumped in shame, "I'm sorry your majesty but I have people to watch out for, families... good people. I told my boys "go, but hang back, this isn't anything to kill for or get yourself killed for. I told 'em that this was a pissing contest plain and simple and we had no part in it, but we had to do something to protect our own... She was crazy, she would have done it."

"You're right, she was crazy." Nick sighed again. "Duke Ellington..."

"Call me Bart, your majesty, I never wanted this job. My older brother asked me to fill in for a week while he went on holiday and he never came back, that was ten years ago. I'm a farrier, and I miss shoeing horses."

Nick took his glasses off and said, "farrier? Are you any good?" Since June fifteenth when his friend Allyn Evans was brutally murdered, the Duchy of Wægn has been without a farrier, and Trei Metsker said he would make the horseshoes but he refused to put them on the horses.

"The best in the Ramtops."

"Do you still have your equipment?"

"Sure do. Wagon, portable forge and everything."

"Why don't you sign the duchy over to me, it will become part of Lancre, and you head over to the Lancre Highway Watch stables in Creel Springs, tell Captain Svenson that Nick sent you."

"We can do that?" Bart had the look of a drowning man who saw a rescue boat heading his way... with cocktail waitresses.

"We can do it the old fashioned way with armies and swords, but I'd rather do it this way, it's quiet."

"Yeah... but what happens to the duchy of Gwenders?"

"I'm going to merge Gwenders and Smicker into one entity. It will probably be a barony, but this is so beautiful back here, I think this lake and all land within a quarter mile of the shore is going to be a kingdom park." Nick turned and saw Octavia and the twins. "Here's part of the family. Findlay! Come set up a contract!"

"The place is an awful financial mess," said Bart as he wrung his hands.

"Hmm?" mumbled Nick as he looked at a report. "Oh yeah, horrible mess." He nudged Bart with an elbow and chuckled, "If you think you're bad, you should see Smicker." He handed the report to the twins and said, "Lancre is going to be assuming a lot of debt. I may have to require logging to pay off the debt and sink some money into tourism."

"You can do that?"

"I'm the king, who is going to stop me?" He hugged Octavia and gave her a kiss. "I got the list of men that were sent, I'm not going to let them out willy-nilly, but I'll have my kingdom's inquisitor check them out and they will be released if they behaved themselves. The queen and my librarians need to see your financials, just let them do it, they'll find everything we need."

"I can't believe this, it's over!" Bart hugged his wife Nancy, "This nightmare is over!"

Loo-Loo looked at Mark and said, "What just happened?"

"Your dad happened," said Octavia beaming with pride. An hour ago Nick was almost suicidal, and he drops out of the sky to find the good in a reluctant enemy. That is King Verence III in a nutshell.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Most principalities took the news that they were under new management quite well. A quick look at their books showed that they were all in deep financial trouble and all were glad that King Verence III was a forgiving victor allowing them to walk away from their debt and position. He worked with most to bring about a fair conclusion but there were not many like Gwenders who ordered their men to stand down. Rulers were told that any men that were captured inside the palace will remain in prison until the king decides what to do with them. Most men that got into the palace were killed, and of the survivors nearly half were lame, their Achilles tendon cut by a mysterious swordsman.

The snow started swirling as the forces of Lancre studied Cystern Gorge. It can best be described as an armpit in a proud mountain range. The circular canyon had horribly steep sides and there was no natural access to the gulch. One narrow road circled the sides of the gorge getting lower and lower until it reached the bottom of the gorge which is where the town of Cystern was located. The gorge had a tributary of the Gjorgiev River flowing through it, it was an underground river, it too was embarrassed to be associated with Cystern.

Preston Prescott, Duke of Lancre and two Warwickshire knights rode up to the oddly S shaped building known as Cystern Hall and they hopped off their horses and walked up to the building and knocked on the door. Receiving no answer they made their way inside; the doors weren't barred but they were bolted and locked. Three horses and some rope fixed that problem as they ripped the doors off their hinges. The three walked into the building and found a twisted old man seated behind a desk like a magistrate in his court. "Are you..." Preston squinted at the paper... damned Findlay writes so small... "Gwynedd Mortimer Sudge?"

"DUKE Gwynedd Mortimer Sudge, if you please," said the bent man with a sneer.

"Yeah, right. Mister Sudge this is an eviction notice, you are on royal property. You have sixteen days to evacuate the premises before the Kingdom of Lancre takes ownership. It is all spelled out in the letter that was sent two weeks ago which you haven't responded to."

"THIS MEANS WAR!" shouted the former duke.

"There was a war, and you lost. Every man you sent has been killed but two, they are both in prison," said Preston as he rolled up the official scroll. "You have no one left, all the buildings in Cystern are empty. The king's engineer is looking at the buildings in Cystern and every building he has looked at has been condemned. King Verence III has determined that Cystern is unfit for human habitation. There is a wagon out front for your use but make it quick, we are leaving as soon as the engineer is complete."

"It can't be! I'm not leaving!"

"Your choice." Duke Prescott turned to the knight on his right and said, "What did I tell you? Pay up." The disgruntled soldier put a $20 coin in Preston's hand and they left the building.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Twenty five knights from Warwickshire rode through the thick woods of Spatz Mountain, a principality that is adjacent to the Lancre duchy of Wægn. Behind the Warwickshire knights rode twenty five men of the Lancre Watch. They are all trainees that will be distributed around the kingdom to build new watch houses once their training is complete. Ahead of the trainees and the mounted knights, Commander Preston Prescott rode side by side with the Warwickshire captain, and ahead of him rode the Duke of Wægn.

Behind them rose Bear Mountain, covered with the first snow of the winter. Steam blew from the horses nostrils as they trotted on the road to the capital village of Spatz Mountain, Tackle Creek. All they knew about Tackle Creek is that the Duke of Spatz Mountain is in a brick building surrounded by guards. The closer they got, the more nervous they got. The Agatean Emperors Mother, Ning Hau Chung gave every one of the Warwickshire and Lancre troops a red silk scarf for luck before they left.

As they neared the outskirts of the village a huge bird swooped over the formation and when it reached the front of the column it changed and became a human, the king! He pointed at Marlon and said, "No, you don't lead armies, you rule the duchy. Head back, Wægn can't afford to lose you."

Angry but silent, Duke Marlon swung his horse around and headed back to Wægn, and as he passed Commander Prescott, Preston dug out a $20 coin and placed it in the Warwickshire captain's hand. The king became a bird and flew off and Preston said, "Let's get this one!" and he spurred his horse to a trot. Their equipment jingled as the fifty men advanced on horseback, and suddenly they were in Tackle Creek and a huge brick mansion was straight ahead of them. The troop sped up and guards on the brick mansion saw them coming and formed a line in front of the house.

"Just as Preston was about to call "Charge," a huge golden Agatean dragon swooped out of the cloudy sky, bellowing its war cry. It raced right to left as Preston watched, knocking soldiers over, but they were so busy watching that they didn't see the other golden dragon swooping in from the left, bellowing flames at the archers on top of the mansion, knocking them off with its tail. The Warwickshire captain returned Preston's $20 coin and called "CHARGE!"

The troop surrounded the building and the two dragons swooped in side by side and landed on the front walk, they became the King of Lancre and the Duke of Wægn and both men strode fiercely into the mansion, flanked by the Lancre Watch constables. There was some fighting on either side of Nick and Marlon but they were not deterred. The duke of Spatz Mountain saw King Verence III and Duke Worblehat-Stein approaching and tried to keep his desk between Nick and himself.

"GUARDS! Seize them!" shrieked the duke but no guards responded, they were all very old men or very young boys and were easily subdued by Nick's soldiers. The duke pulled out a sword and Nick pulled out the king's sword, Merciless, which glowed from the enchantment that Octavia put on it and with a lightning fast swipe Merciless chopped the dukes sword in half. Then Nick and Marlon shoved the desk forward until Duke Chimo Vivas was pinned against the wall. Nick grabbed him by the collar and dragged the man from behind the desk.

"You put a price on my kings head! You gave your men instructions on how to get to the kings apartment! When I discover who gave you those directions he's going to hang with you!" He was too angry to say anymore. Preston came and put cuffs on the former duke's wrists.

"Chimo Vivas, you are charged with being complicit in regicide, inciting regicide, inciting war, and being part of the murder of over 80 peaceful citizens of Lancre. You have forfeit your holdings and your title and are now a prisoner of the war that you started."

Outside the men of Lancre were holding Chimo's remaining soldiers at bay. "It's over," they said. "Your duke started a war and he lost and many of your brothers died because of him."

"What do we do now?" demanded a young soldier. "Are we prisoners too?"

"No," said Nick as he walked past the soldier. "Take a day or two off and then go back to doing what you normally do."

"Day off?" the word spread like wildfire, a day off! These kids and old men had been guarding the duke night and day nonstop for months.

"It was King Verence that gave you that day off," said a Lancre Watch constable.

As they tied Chimo to the saddle of a cantankerous horse, an old man came up to Nick and said, "I am commander of the watch and submit myself to you. Please be merciful to my men, most are just boys." He held his sword out to Nick and slowly sagged to his knees.

"You were doing your job as soldiers, I can't hold that against you," said Nick. "What's your name gaffer?"

"Rasel Devi, your majesty."

Nick thought for a moment then said, "Rasel Devi, do you solemnly pledge to obey my rule, to follow the laws of Lancre, and serve your new lord, Baron Pennyworth Baltimore who will arrive tomorrow?"

"I swear, your majesty."

Nick took out Merciless and tapped Rasel Devi on each shoulder and said, "I knight thee Sir Razel Devi, a knight in the Kingdom of Lancre. Arise Sir Rasel and command your men and help Baron Baltimore return Spatz Mountain to greatness."

Word spread that they were now part of Lancre, there would be no executions and the men were shocked, "He's gone? The old man who's too stupid to fart without shitting himself is gone?" Soon Nick and Marlon were leading Chimo Vivas off to prison and were being cheered by the men who were recently guarding Chimo.

When they got Chimo Vivas to Lancre Town the next day, Preston made sure Stan put him in a cell directly across from Viktorija Singe in the hopes that they would bicker and spill more information. They did just that.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Octdays, the first day of the business week on the Discworld calendar, was a free-for-all in the throne room, Nick allowed any petitioner to speak their case in the throne room and if he could eloquently state his case Nick would give it a fair hearing. If it was ridiculous he would invite the petitioner to leave under his own power while he still could, or he would lock them up for wasting his time. Occasionally he got the "I just wanted to say we think you're doing a great job," and occasionally he got the opposite opinion, but Lancerians on the whole would rather that Nick just get on with being the king and leave them alone.

"Oi would like to know why there is no municipal trash collection," asked a new resident of Lancre. "We had a very good one in Quirm, why not here in Lancre?"

"That is a very good question," said Nick, "Can I get your first and last name?"

"Farnworthy Candlechrome, yer majesty."

"Ah yes, Mister Farnworthy, the reason... yes?"

"Farnworthy is me first name, yer majesty, Candlechrome is me sir name."

"Ah yes, my mistake, did you get that Findlay?"

Findlay MacIver looked up from his desk. "Got it your majesty." He worked hard to suppress the laughter; he knew what was coming next.

"As I was saying Mister Candlechrome, no one has come forward to extend this service, they usually haul their own trash and their neighbors if they have room on the wagon. Thank you for offering this service, we will expect the castle trash to be collected on Mondays and Thursdays, I assume you have the equipment to make this happen before you made this offer."

"Uh yes, Mondays and Thursdays..."

"And you can use the new Lancre waste disposal center, just look at any map for the Kingdom of Cystern."

"Where in the Kingdom of Cystern, your majesty?"

"Anywhere is fine, we are re-purposing that entire area. Talk to Lord Harcourt when you set your mind on fees and thank you for your service." Nick did things like this as a joke but he actually started a few successful businesses that way. The idea that the castle would pay him to haul trash away was intriguing to Candlechrome, he has a large wagon and a pair of mules, why not?

"Who is next?" asked Nick.

Former witch, former queen, headmistress of the Kings College Magrat Garlick stepped up with a small boy. "We have our first scholar," reported Magrat. "Codie just got an A on his spelling exam."

"Codie? The boy I had to teach to wash?" asked the king with mock surprise. "Come here Codie," and he pulled the oldest boy he rescued up on his knee. "Do you want to be the king for the rest of the day as a reward?"

Cody shook his head and said, "Star!"

Magrat handed the king a pasteboard status board that showed each child's progress with a series of stars. A small daub of paste told Nick where the next star is going as Codie proudly handed the king a tiny foil star. Nick took the star and called out, "With this star I do declare that Codie exceeds the kingdom requirements for seven-year-old spellers!"

"Yay Codie!" cried the faculty of the Kings College (Currently it's Magrat and Esme, and Nick's family Jutta, Catrin, Hollie, Llywellyn, Llywella, Exavier, and Gwendolyn. Rodley never showed up and Llywella is waiting for him to show his face.)

"See? School isn't so bad. I never got to go to school so in a few more months you'll be smarter than me." Nicks remark made Codie laugh and he slipped off Nick's knee and ran back to his classmates and proudly handed the progress chart to Magrat.

"What's next Finney?"

"Findlay your majesty and it's our last Gwenders repatriates' your majesty."

Harold Lorchestershire jr. called out "Presenting Seaghdh Kinnaird, Wallace Magee, Frang MacNiven, Seumas Grahame, and Iain McNeill."

The five young men stood in front of King Verence III and looked quite nervous. "Gentlemen," started Nick, "you have been imprisoned for making war against Lancre." He glared at them with his eye, and Virga, the royal scepter opened its eye and scanned the men for any misgivings. "I have spoken to Duke Ellington of Gwenders and he informed me that you were sent because a crazed witch threatened to poison your water supply, is that true?"

"Yes, your majesty," the five men mumbled.

"The duke told me that he asked you to hang back and not involve yourself and from what I could determine that is exactly what you did. And for that I want to say thank you. You're going home fellows, but I want you to know that next time this happens it will be the gallows, because Gwenders is now part of Lancre, it will be an act of civil war, which none of us wants."

"What happened? Uh your majesty," asked Frang MacNiven.

"I went to every principality to see why we were attacked and all but two told us about the mad witches and were happy for the chance to join the Kingdom of Lancre, even if it means changing out the nobility."

"What about the other two, your majesty?" asked Seaghdh Kinnard.

"They both lost a very quick little war. One is now our municipal garbage dump."

"Cystern," muttered Seumas Grahame which caused the other four men to chuckle.

"You're going to find some changes when you get home. Gwenders and Smicker have been combined into one barony, its name is now Lake A'Tuin. There is work waiting for you, I have reinstituted logging and have convinced the AM&SP to run a line into Gwender Mountain where a lumber plant is being built. The lake itself and all land within a quarter mile of the lake, with exceptions, is now a Kingdom park. I want to get rich people out of Ankh Morpork and Quirm and up here spending their money. If I get them up here, can you romance their money out of their wallet... legally?"

"Yes your majesty."

"Go make us all proud." As the men left, Octavia entered the throne room and sat on her throne next to Nick. She was wearing a beautiful gown that featured the colors of Lancre, silver blue and red. Duke Prescott stepped up to Magrat and whispered in her ear and she and the twins hustled the eight foundlings out of the throne room. "Who is next?" Nick asked.

"The Committee to Ban Wood Products," said Findlay.

"Bring them on," said Nick. He reached out for Octavia's hand and they held hands and conversed silently as Harold the Herald announced the committee. They walked forward in a tight group and dressed like the average logger, denim pants, plaid flannel shirt, denim vest, bull hide boots and gloves. The only difference between them and a logger was that their clothing was all brand new and spotless. {A logger isn't considered a logger until their stained, sweaty clothing can get up from the corner they were tossed in and fell a few trees while the logger caught a nap.}

"What can I do for you?" asked Nick. He looked again and many of the "loggers" were women.

"We demand an end to the indiscriminate slaughter of trees!" they shouted together.

"Can you describe the difference between indiscriminate logging and discriminating logging for me please?" The committee looked at each other and mumbled and King Verence III said "You want an end to something you can't define?"

"We demand an end to all logging!" they shouted.

"Ah, now you're finally being honest. Your request has been taken under advisement and... let me consider this... nope. Can't do it. I have reinstated logging in the Baronies of Lake A'Tuin and Frisson Falls and because you cannot be bothered to ask nicely I now add the Baronies of Ataxia and Spinsters Gulch."

"You leave us no choice!" shouted a hysterical neon green haired woman.

"You brought this on yourself," screeched a woman with metallic purple hair. Then one of the men began drawing mystic symbols in the air with his hands, magic sparkled on his fingertips, his eyes began to glow and the committee clustered close and watched in excitement.

The man threw his hands forward and shouted, "HAZAAHH!" Blue lightning shot from his fingertips straight at Nick and Octavia, traveled four feet and struck the magic ward that Octavia threw up and bounced back on the committee knocking them across the throne room. The thaumatic blast blew their designer work boots off and set the toes of their designer wool stockings on fire, welded the metal zippers closed on their jeans, popped the buttons on their shirts like banged grains, and caused all their hair to fall off.

"Security! Please take these insurrectionists away, put them down in my private wing of the dungeon, and would somebody please sweep up all that hair?" Nick gestured Findlay closer and said, "Put out the word that the king is considering making green and purple hair illegal."

"You're going to make green and purple hair illegal?" asked Findlay.

"No, that would be silly, but there's nothing wrong with considering it. Get that word out and in one week I guarantee that angry halfwits will have green and purple hair thinking it will piss me off. We will know exactly who to keep an eye on."

Findlay started chuckling and said, "That's why you're king and I'm not."

"Who's next?"

"An old friend of mine," said Octavia with a half-smile.

"Your majesty," called Harold the Hereld, "if it please the court, Rodley Compote, Marquis Vernon Wynne and Lady Ruzanna Wynn."

"Your majesty," said Vernon with a humble bow, "I know I violated the terms the queen set out, I did it to satisfy domestic harmony and I was wrong, I accept the consequences of my actions and I throw myself on your mercy."

"We will talk later," said Nick, then he turn his gaze on Rodley the simpering fop. "What have you to say for yourself?"

"I did nothing wrong except express some inner..."

"YOU CALLED MY DAUGHTER A CUNT!" Nicks voice boomed and echoed through the building. "You called my queen honey, you called my daughter, Princess Llywella, a cunt, then you promised to help with Kings College and you never appeared. Ninety six days in the dungeon."

Rodley's eyes popped wide open and he sagged to his knees. Findlay glanced through his notes and said, "Your majesty, he called Queen Octavia "honey" twice.

"One hundred and twenty eight days," snarled Nick. "Inner wossnames can be expressed, no rule against that, but some wossnames cost more than others."

"What about my freedom of speech?" asked a tearful Rodley.

"Where would the freedom of speech be without the freedom to accept the consequences?" asked Nick. "That is the foundation of all other freedoms." He gestured to a guard who took a weeping Rodley away.

"Lady Ruzanna Wynn!" said Queen Octavia, her voice wasn't loud, but it echoed off the high ceiling. "Lady Wynn... my King's instructions to the court were clear 'No nepotism!' He demanded hard men to do a hard job. And you send that thing. You nagged your husband into sending a simpering clothes horse. The king's orders must be followed by his court, and you impeded the completion of the king's orders. The King will deal with Lord Vernon, as for you... thirty two days in the dungeon and maybe you will learn something."

"You can't do that!" shrieked Lady Ruzanna.

"Ninety six days!

"That's unfair!"

"One hundred ninety days! Do you want to try for a full year?" snapped Queen Octavia.

"I... I can't do that..." whimpered Lady Ruzanna as she sagged to her knees.

The king leaned over and whispered something in Octavia's ear. Actually it had nothing to do with lord and lady Wynn, they've been conversing silently the whole time. What he said was, "Gods it makes me hard to see you doing this. Just throbbing hard."

She almost blushed but she continued, "Let it not be said that King Verence III is not merciful," said Octavia. "I have been told that you are nutritionally wise, the kings college needs a nutritionist, if you can fulfill the obligations of that position for a year your debt will be paid. If not, the one hundred ninety days in the dungeon will be filled. Is that agreeable?"

"Yes my queen."

"Report to the chancellor of King's College, Queen Magrat Garlick for your instructions."

"Thank you, your majesty." Lady Ruzanna got back to her feet and headed over to the stairwell, the Kings College is on the second floor.

"Nutritionist?" asked Vernon.

"Lunch lady," said Nick. "Those kids don't know how to eat, she's going to have to start with everything you teach a child after weening. Wait for me in my study."

"Yes your majesty," and he departed.

"Who is next?

"That's it your majesty."

Three hours later Octavia walked into Nick's study and found Nick and Vernon half drunk and throwing darts. "This is punishment?" asked the queen.

"Yes, your majesty," said a tipsy earl. "He's beaten me twelve games in a row and won't let me concede defeat."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

As far as anyone could tell, Lancre liked her new borders, Verence III added 50% more land by adding the little principalities surrounding Lancre that sent men to attack Lancre and ended up with a circle of buffer baronies. The Lancre Watch was a huge hit, people could move about the Ramtop mountains in relative safety and carriage companies routed their overland wagons through Lancre because it had become so safe. Inns that catered toward drovers and waggoneers sprouted up along the busiest mountain roads and the best of them soon had all the business they could handle thanks to word of mouth within the transportation community.

Nick was a little nervous about something inconsequential one day and he was driving the queen crazy with his pacing and muttering. Octavia stopped and looked him in the eye saying, "You're king, if there's something happening that you don't like, make it stop."

"Can I do that?"

"You're the king." She sighed and dropped her shoulders making those marvelous breasts of hers bounce. "You concentrate on the negative and all the things you can't do, there's so much more you CAN do."

"What do you mean?"

"You CAN'T miss open court, you CAN'T Miss wedding Wednesday, you CAN'T miss your Court meeting on Thursday, but there's five more days of the week and all you do is pace the halls like a caged lion."

"What should I do?"

"Why don't you take the children out for their treat?"

"Like what?" He was truly befuddled.

"You will know it when you see it. Trust me." And soon the king's college was out for a walk on that snowy, blowy day. It was getting close to Hogswatch and they all did good on their lessons so the king promised them a treat. With all of their instructors and all of the king's family they walked through the streets that were gaily decorated for the Big Day that was just two days away, Hogswatch.

The entire entourage was walking down Valley street {Which was absolutely flat, not a valley in sight, in fact it was the flattest street in Lancre.} holly decorated every lamp pole and the kids who were still learning about Hogswatch pointed out that they named a plant after their favorite princess. She was walking hand in hand with Mark Ivers and marveling at the different booths and games of skill. This was the first time the Worblehat-Stein family toured the Lancre Hogswatch carnival.

"We should have moved into the city earlier," said Grandma Jutta, and Grandma Catrin agreed with a nod. Ring tosses abounded and Basket the Ball tosses promised a little stuffed bear if you make three in a row. It took Mark two attempts, but he made it and gave his bear to Hollie. Reziko made it on first try and gave his little bear to fourteen-year-old Llywella who cherished it.

Nick won at a booth where you threw darts. It didn't matter if all the targets and dartboards were moving, "I've got one skill and I'm going to show it off," said Nick and hit the double bull with three darts on a moving target that was occasionally blocked by other targets. He handed Octavia the stuffed tiger he won, then did it again just to show that it wasn't a fluke and gave the stuffed dragon to an ecstatic Ning.

"Do it again!" cried Darla.

"No, I've done it twice, I proved to the man I can do it whenever I want, I don't want to take his earnings," and Nick gestured to Findlay who handed the booth operator a sign. "'tis a beautifully engaging diversion, well designed," said Nick, "I truly enjoyed it."

The booth operator looked at his sign, it was royal blue pasteboard with a woodcut of a crown printed in silver and in red letters it said, "By Royal Appointment to the court of Verence III for the Holiday Season" The booth operator had heard that the King was awarding these signs to the very best booths. "Thank you sire!" he bowed his head and tugged his forelock but when he looked up the king extended his hand and they shook.

"Thank you for a fun game. It's a true challenge."

For the rest of the day the booth operator was only able to say, "I shook hands with the bloody king!" and he posted his sign where it could conspicuously be seen. "Too right, he said it was a true challenge he did! One dart a penny! Four darts a thruppence! And that's cutting me own throat!"

Nick soon saw it, a snow ice cream stand. He gazed upon the stand in shock. "Remember Pommy?" his mother asked. "We'd save our pennies for snow ice cream. They would bring snow in from the mountains for our carnival in Ankh Morpork and you loved it."

"I remember the smell..." the smell of the cream and sugar, and the smell of the warm maple syrup filled the air. How did Octavia know?

"You'd eat snow ice cream until your head hurt, but you wouldn't stop," said Catrin who was getting misty remembering when King Verence III was her little boy and she didn't have to share him with anyone.

Overwhelmed with nostalgia Nick hugged his mom then whirled and kissed Octavia in his excitement and soon the stand operators were filling paper cones with scoops of snow and pouring on cream and sugar or warm maple syrup. Nick found himself kneeling on the sidewalk feeding snow ice cream to a tiny, bundled up Cholly who stood with his mouth open as wide as possible for that delicious treat. Nick had a flat wooden spoon that he fed Cholly with as his mother told Jutta, "I fed him the same way." Not for the last time Nick wondered what his life would have turned out to be like if his father wasn't such a piece of crap. They handed out another sign notifying the world that the king truly enjoyed the snow ice cream and went to check out the shops and see how they were decorated.

<><><><><>

Hogswatch was incredible, it was the first Hogswatch morning that any of the children knew of. When the word got out that the king had eight little foundlings that never had a Hogswatch the entire country poured their hearts out sending gifts of clothes, toys, and candies. The people of Lancre may be staid and reserved, but an abandoned child on Hogswatch was unthinkable and the people's generosity moved Magrat and Nick to tears. When the children woke up and stepped into their common room to find a decorated tree with packages underneath they shrieked and shouted, "HOGFATHER WAS HERE!"

"He may have been," said Octavia. There were eight stockings hanging from the mantle over the fire but no one remembered hanging stockings. Each one was labeled with a name card with exquisite calligraphy and filled with exotic fruit and candies.

Hollie studied the calligraphy and said, "That's better than any of dad's work."

"Thank you, thank you for all of your support and encouragement," but she was right, it was beautiful work. Nicks calligraphy was beautiful, but it was nowhere close to this artist's work.

That night at Nick's first Hogswatch dinner as king all the talk was about "The Picture" and Nick had no idea what they were talking about. Finally, Ashland Pica-stick, a field reporter for the Ankh-Morpork Times presented Nick with a framed newspaper page. It was the front page of the Ramtops edition of the Ankh-Morpork Times and it featured an icon of Nick kneeling, feeding snow ice cream to Cholly on the front page with the caption "King Verence III sharing a delicious treat with tiny carnival goer." The story was more important to Nick, it spoke about how he rescued eight homeless abandoned babies on the streets of Ankh Morpork and brought them home to raise them as his own.

Nick looked at the iconograph for a long time, all of the fear that Cholly initially had was gone and he was trusting Nick to feed him something. Cholly still doesn't talk, he'll say 'es for yes and 'o for no but that's his entire verbal vocabulary, but at three years old and safe in a castle with over a dozen people watching him and teaching him, that's all he needs to say at the moment. His "mommy" Darla does all his talking.

"Thank you, I treasure this one." He has other cover pages, one showed him and Octavia weeping for the dead king at the end of the Battle of Lancre Castle, one showed him making a speech at the Creel Springs Memorial Garden, another showed him on horseback with several Warwickshire knights and Lancre Watch Constables, which surprised the reporter, don't kings ride carriages? "I'll be sure to hang this on my I love me wall," he told the reporter.

"I love me wall?" asked the reporter.

"I have received a commendation or two, I hang them on a wall in my study, and this... me and Cholly... it really means a lot."

The orchestra playing the Hogswatch Waltz called an end to the reception line, and he stepped over to the dance floor with Octavia on one arm and Ning on the other. He started the dance with Octavia, who was very affectionate as they danced. "You've never been this kissy in public."

"I'm sending a message," said Octavia. "Maggy told me that now as king and queen dancing is very political, we're going to be interrupted very soon and I want the men to see our commitment to each other." Sure enough, they were left alone except for Admiral Jocelyn Langlois, the commander of the Quirmian Navy tapped Nick on the shoulder. "She said it was the only thing that keeps them away, except for Quirm."

They kissed and parted and Nick turned and a woman he kind of recognized was there, he moved toward Ning but she stepped in the way. "May you have this dance?" Nick asked. He was getting good at sarcasm.

"I'd love to, I never thought I'd ask," she said. It was Adora Belle Dearheart, whose husband Moist von Lipwig ran the Ankh-Morpork and Sto Plains Hygienic Railway. "Let's talk a rail line to Lancre Town..." she started.

"I'm sorry, I never talk business, politics, or sports when I'm dancing," said Nick. "I'm too busy counting the beats to hold a proper conversation on most subjects."

"What subjects do you talk about when dancing."

Nick rolled his eye up in thought. "Dancing."

She drew close to Nick, pulling him tight against her full, round breasts. "How about sex?"

Octavia was having a few issues with Admiral Langlois. His hand which should be at the small of her back kept drifting downwards to reserved territories. "It must get lonely at sea," said Octavia as she reached behind, grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand up.

"Oui, très seul," he said. "The sea is a cold mistress; she makes a seafaring man respect a flesh and blood woman. I could bring you such satisfaction."

"I have satisfaction," she smiled. "I am married to the greatest lover on the disc and see that Agatean woman watching us?" Octavia put her mouth next to his ear and whispered, "I have her too."

Instead of dissuading the horny admiral it just inflamed him. His hand dropped down again and grabbed her ass as he whispered, "Je vais te baiser les jambes arquées." {A quaint term that Quirmian men use to let a woman know that he likes her. Translated it means "I am going to fuck you bow legged."}

"I am not a witch, I'm a wizard," said Octavia as she grabbed his wrist but she didn't let go.

"Which means what?"

"A witch will make you think you're a newt, but a wizard..."

Every man on the dance floor saw Octavia walk to the orchestra stand with a confused looking newt in her hand. On the orchestra stand was a small glass aquarium with sand and a few plants. "The school kids are going to love you... safely," she said as she placed the newt in the aquarium.

Nick watched and tried to think who she was dancing with, was it that admiral? Lancre is landlocked so an admiral isn't needed. They'll change him back as soon as someone comes looking for him. "You seem distracted," said Adora Belle. "Is anything wrong?"

"My wife just turned someone into a newt. He must have made a pass at her. Infidelity really sets her off." He could feel Adora Belle pull away.

"Will the fellow be ok?"

"Oh yes," said Nick. "As soon as he gets used to eating dried flies. We won't be able to get any live ones for him until spring." They were dancing at arm's length now. "What say we reserve some time after dinner and we can talk choo-choo trains."

"Yes, lets," said Adora Bell as her eyes remained locked on the aquarium.

They separated and Nick headed for Ning but just as they almost touched another woman cut in between them and started dancing with Nick. He looked up because she was tall and he was relieved to see it was Maggy, Magrat Garlick, former queen and their mentor. "How am I doing your majesty?" he asked.

"Verence would be so proud. I am just amazed how you turned so many enemies into tax paying citizens!"

"And we're safe now, so safe that carriage companies are going out of their way to use our roads. Next year if this continues the road tax will pay for road maintenance and the Watch."

"I wanted to show you something, look." Nick looked and dancing next to them was seven year old Darla and seven year old Codie and they were dancing beautifully for their age bracket and had overcome the clumsiness of never having worn shoes before. Next to them was five year old Tina dancing with six year old Aldie.

"You teach dancing now?" asked Nick.

"Yes, we come out and dance whenever the orchestra practices." Just then the song ended and Nick was upset that he didn't get to waltz with Ning. He thanked Magrat and stepped up to the orchestra leader and requested a new waltz that they had been working on, the Waltz of Lancre. "Are you ready darling?" he asked Ning as he finally got her in his arms. "Let's show them how it's done."

"Hai!" grinned a happy Ning. She was so happy that she finally got to feel Nick's arm around her. This waltz was up tempo, but it was still a waltz, and soon as the beat took over, Nick and Ning began swirling around the dance floor elegantly. Many of the dancers stepped aside to let the king whirl around with the tiny Agatean beauty, they were so entranced with each other that their eyes were only on their dancing partner.

Nick wasn't sure how it happened but in mid-swirl he ended up dancing with Octavia, the exchange happened flawlessly. "Have you two been practicing that?"

"Oh yes, this is our song, we practice with Reziko."

"My own guard dancing with my women! How do I order him to cut his own head off?"

"See the wisdom of our choice?" his beloved asked.

He was about to answer when he discovered he was dancing with Ning again. "I love the both of you so much," he said with a laugh. She just waggled her eyebrows, and they ended up in the center of the dance floor as the song ended. Nick, Octavia, and Ning bowed to each other, and the crowd applauded as Octavia said, "They're going to be talking about that one for a while."

Nick turned to Magrat and asked, "When do they call the king's table to sit?"

"They don't. You go sit down when you're ready and they start calling in the other tables."

Nick led Octavia and Ning with gathering up the King's family and sat down and the Herald began calling the other diners. Sam and Sybill along with Sam Junior and Susan, and their daughter Debbie sat in the table that Nick and Octavia had previously sat at as the King's Guest of Honor.

"You didn't give her a name that starts with S?" Octavia asked Sam Junior.

"Uh, no. Grandma and Grandpa have an Igor, we didn't want her to drown." Igors are noted for slurring their words in the juiciest way possible. They were joined at their table by Emperor Chung Hau Jia with three of his wives and one child Debbie's age. Nick dashed over to greet his old friend.

"Jia! God's how I missed you!"

"You see my mother every night," grinned the emperor. "I couldn't miss your first Hogswatch my closest friend." Their joyful reunion was caught by the Ankh-Morpork Times Ramtops Edition photographer and another front page would eventually grace the wall in Nick's study.

It was a wonderful evening, speeches were kept to a minimum, and as dinner grew to a close the royal family played several Hogswatch hymns and carols, then to close they were accompanied by the Choir of Kings College performing their rendition of Tusker the Hogswatch Boar under the direction of Headmistress Magrat Garlick. If you have never heard a group of five-, six-, and seven-year-olds shouting Tusker the Hogswatch Boar, you're in for a treat. Magrat turned around and faced the audience and said, "The children of the Choir of Kings College would like to invite you to sing along as we do it again. Oh, and Cholly says that we're going to keep singing this until you all join in." The diners, the richest and brightest and best of Lancre did indeed sing along with the silly children's song.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

King Verence III had been on the throne of Lancre for over two years when the storm hit. It buried the kingdom in a late winter blast dropping up to seven feet of snow and the wind was so strong it shook the Tower Of Inclination which had become Nick's refuge. Quite often Nick could be found reading in solitary comfort up there until distracted by his beautiful lovers. After dinner with the family and listening to reports from the students of the King's College, which was now up to twenty four students, and the word of the day from Cholly (Cholly would tell him one word then run away giggling) he climbed the tower where he could watch over his kingdom.

When the storm hit, the four windows only showed white of differing intensities, he couldn't see any of the other towers on the castle. "Come downstairs," begged Ning. "Your bedroom is so much warmer."

"This isn't bad, that drafty old cottage was bad... what was it, the month before Hollie was born?"

"It wasn't as bad as this tower," said Octavia as a gust of wind came down the chimney, filled the room with smoke and blew the fire out again.

"Ok, I get the hint," and Nick led Octavia and Ning down the stairs to the fifth floor and found another flight of stairs to take them up to the seventh floor and to the king's apartment. The apartment was warm, a fire burned in the fireplace, although it was magical, it didn't consume the coal in the grate but it burned and produced heat. They checked on the kids; the twins Lou and Loo-Loo were in a room with Exie and Gwen, wrapped in blankets snuggling together in front of their room heater bemoaning the fact that they're not going to see Hollie tomorrow. It looked like her eighteenth birthday party was cancelled.

"Do you think the storm will be over tomorrow?" asked Gwen.

Nick looked at the pajama party feeling older than he's ever felt before. The twins will be sixteen in a couple of months, Exie is fourteen and Gwen is twelve. He knows they have little liaisons; Lou has his redheaded friend Marti, Exie sees a different girl a week, and Gwen is in love with Pavel Novik, the assistant grounds keeper. The only one he can't figure out is Loo-Loo. He knows she is romantically tangled with someone, but he can't figure out who. He's got a feeling that it's an older man, so he's got Reziko keeping an eye on her. "I don't know darling; we will figure a way to get to Hollie tomorrow one way or another."

Tomorrow is Hollie's birthday, and he has to figure out a way to get there if he's got to change to a Yetii and walk. He has no problem with Yetiis, but they tunnel through snow, he's not sure he can navigate that way, and how long would it take to get to Hollie's cottage? That night they snuggled with Ning in the middle, and they made her sleep in the nude because she's the warmest.

The next morning the wind continued, so they couldn't tell whether it was still snowing or it was just snow being blown around. At breakfast that morning Nick discussed his plan, he was going to snowshoe over to the King's Tunnel and see how much digging it would need to open the tunnel mouth and try to cross there, otherwise it was a ten-mile hike to the cottage going over Breeders Peak.

"Why don't you just take L-Space?" asked Lou. That comment immediately earned him a slap in the back of the head from his sister Loo-Loo. "What! He was going to find out eventually!"

"What am I going to find out eventually?" asked Nick using his "king voice."

"We have been working in the king's library and we reached L-Space," said Loo-Loo.

"In that tiny library?" asked an incredulous king.

"When were you going to tell me?" demanded Octavia.

"We just did it yesterday, I'm sure it would have come up in an emergency," said Lou. "You know, like a killer blizzard that makes Ankh Morpork look toasty warm."

Nick looked at Octavia, his story about snowshoeing ten miles was a ruse to get them to admit they reached L-Space, but Octavia was not impressed. She's a senior master librarian and being the queen she's the authority in charge of all libraries in the kingdom, including private libraries. L-Space can be dangerous so a cadre of highly trained librarians oversee libraries to prevent the breakdown of L-Space like has been seen on some roundworlds. She should have been notified the moment they reached L-Space. Nick hasn't seen her angry often, and she's very close to it now. "You're never going to make senior master librarians if you..."

"It's part of our term paper that Igor assigned us," said Lou. Igor is Lady Lucricia's librarian, a Chief Master Librarian and the only Chief Master Librarian on the disc world. He is teaching the twins and hopefully they will become Senior Master Librarians. "He said, 'thow me thomthing I've never theen before.'" Lou made sure to include the sprays that always accompany an Igor's lisping speech.

"We set up a dedicated link between the king's library and the bookstore and the castle," said Loo-Loo. "You can't go anywhere else. If you wanted to go to Ankh Morpork you have to go to the bookstore or the castle, then turn around, go back into L-Space and navigate to Ankh Morpork. If you want to go to the king's library you first have to go through the bookstore or the castle." {The castle she's talking about is the elven redoubt that Nick discovered 20 years ago. It's where they took refuge during the Day of the Three Battles.}

"Why?" asked Nick.

"We want to go swimming in the castle." The castle has an underground garden with a lake that's always warm and inviting.

"Still, that leaves the king's library unsecure," Octavia was nervous about someone getting into Lancre Castle again.

"No, the link is only good for people who are known to the kings library. There's a little rite we have to go through before you use it the first time," said Lou.

"What if someone is holding a knife to my throat?" asked Nick.

"It won't let you through," said Loo-Loo.

"Well, it will let you through but not the guy holding you," said Lou. "So if you can wriggle loose you'll be safe.

"Let's give it a try before we condemn it and ground them for the summer," said Nick.

"Thanks dad, you were always the understanding one," said Loo-Loo sarcastically, her head lowered to her arms crossed on the table.

It was hard for Octavia to look angry, if it works, this is cutting edge stuff, dedicated L-Space connections, this is something that no one has ever seen before. Igor should be satisfied. This should get the twins their SML pin.

The kings library is quite small, maybe ten feet square, the secret was the arrangement of the bookshelves and books. The rite was dark and mysterious... just kidding, there was a master roster logbook that Nick, Octavia, and Ning had to sign, leave a thumb print, and they had to hold the roster logbook until the binding changed from red to green signifying that they were registered with this branch into L-Space. They stepped into the kings library and entered the stacks and very suddenly they were in their bookstore in Creel Springs.

It was frigid in the bookstore; the wind shook the building and miniature snowdrifts inside marked where there was a leak in the weather stripping around the window or door. It was obvious that the door was covered with a snow drift, there was no getting out through that door but the widdershins side windows were clear, they could get out that way. Nick returned to the tiny King's Library on the 7th floor of the large castle. "What do you think? Where's Ning? Where's Mom?"

"Ning went home, she's bringing something for dinner, she promised Hollie something nice for her birthday dinner," said Nick as he waited impatiently for Octavia. She was testing out the L-Space connection every way she could. She ended up in a library in Djelibaybi and tried everything she could to get back to the Lancre king's library.

"What about the link?" asked an anxious Llywella.

Tired of waiting Nick strode off without answering, so Loo-Loo paced impatiently while her mother tested the link over and over again then she finally emerged and smiled at her daughter. "It's perfect." She hugged the twins and said, "It's amazing, let Igor know that I am truly impressed."

Nick returned with mukluks, gloves, and parkas. "Ready?"

"Let's go," she said softly and they put on the boots and coats. They helped each other with the hoods and Octavia told Lou and Loo-Loo, "we'll be right back with Hollie." A moment later they stepped out into the bookstore.

"Wait," said Lou after a minute of thought, "Hollie isn't registered! You can't bring her back!" and he dashed into L-Space.

"Let's do the last mile the easy way," said Octavia in the frigid bookstore and she hugged Nick and they crouched down and disappeared, immediately reappearing in the basement of Hollie's cottage. Lou dashed out of L-Space into the bookstore and looked around, there was no evidence that his parents were ever there, all windows and doors were sealed and there were no footprints in the snow outside windows that weren't covered. He went back to the king's library and shrugged.

"They probably went to the castle to get snowshoes or skis," said Loo-Loo.

"Yeah, that's probably it." Both twins knew about their mother's ability to transport, but she does it so rarely because of the migraines it causes in her and anyone she teleports that they forget about that ability.

Nick looked around and noticed that the food hadn't been touched and the stack of emergency firewood was as tall as when he and Marlon left it six months ago. "You don't think..." Nick looked completely panicked. Hollie hasn't been in the basement to replenish her food or firewood; she could be dead.

Octavia closed her eyes and searched, "She's above us, she's alive..." then something crossed her face and she dashed for the crate that she and Nick always used as a step stool. She pushed on the trap door in the floor but it wouldn't open. What is going on? Octavia closed her eyes and gently brushed whatever was on the trapdoor to the side and opened it then slowly looked around and saw a terrified Hollie sitting in a rocking chair that was just pushed aside.

"What... you?" cried a terrified Hollie and she cuddled Moxie closer. {Moxie is her two year old Minimoth, a miniature mammoth about the size of a small cat. They make great pets and can be litter box trained.}

"Happy Birthday!" said Octavia as she climbed out of the cellar. Then Nick peered and saw the tiny fire in the fireplace and he ducked back down and passed up a few pieces of firewood.

"You cut a hole in my floor?" demanded Hollie as she finally started turning back into Hollie.

"This door has always been here," came Nick's voice from down in the cellar.

"That would have been nice to know BEFORE the outside cellar doors got drifted over!" Hollie almost shouted. She had eaten everything in the kitchen and she couldn't get to her remaining food stash which was down in the cellar.

Octavia shrugged off Hollie's anger and said, "The outside doors are easier to get to, but this is handy..."

Nick started to pull himself up and completed Octavia's sentence, "...we used to hide your Hogswatch presents down here and pass them up through the trap door while you were asleep." Having emerged from the cellar, Nick tried to hug Hollie but she pulled back. "It's ok," he said softly and finally she relented and allowed Daddy's arms to wrap around her. He unconsciously made a medical inventory of his oldest daughter and smiled and pulled her closer.

"I'm sorry daddy, I made a mistake."

"Shhh! Stop sweetie. Babies aren't a mistake. I love you." He kissed his daughter and said, "do you want to know what it is?" but she shook her head no. He had a quick silent conversation with Octavia and let her know what he found. She slowly came to terms with the news that Hollie was expecting and joined the hug.

"WE love you darling," said Octavia. "Let's go to that drafty old castle where it's warmer and have a party.

Hollie sniffed and whispered, "I love you..." and broke down in tears of relief. She wasn't going to be ostracized for the new life inside of her.

"Come on Mark, grab your coats and let's go!" called Nick and slowly Mark Ivers peeked out from the single bedroom. "Come on!" and Mark tentatively crept forward and Nick and Octavia pulled him into the hug. "You don't want to be late for your own wedding."

"What?" cried Hollie but they disappeared.

<><><><><>

The moment the storm broke the word went out, in one weeks' time there would be a royal wedding between Princess Witch Hollie Worblehat-Stein and Royal Guard Sergeant Marcus Ivers. Nick sent a detachment of prisoners to Creel Springs to dig out the village and the King's tunnel and a second detachment shoveled the drives and paths clear on the Castle grounds. Horse drawn graders and drag plows slowly cleared blocked avenues and the king assisted by flying over the small villages and checking with them. "I don't want you to feel forgotten but we can't get anyone out of Lancre Town."

Meanwhile, inside the castle, preparations for the royal wedding went on. "Royal Guard!" shrieked Holly. "When I go back home that means he stays here!"

"Calm down," said Octavia as she tried something new with Hollie's hair. Hollie's hair goes wherever it wants to go, even magic doesn't help. "Putting him in the guard means that when you go back home, his main job is to guard you."

In Lancre many women were married at the age of 16, but Nick insisted that his children wait until they were eighteen. Loo-Loo was the angriest about that but Nick was adamant, marriage is a lifetime commitment, they need to consider their decision. "MOM!" demanded Loo-Loo. "There's needs! You may not remember what that's like, but when you're young and healthy our needs..." Immediately Ning broke up laughing so hard she could barely breathe. Nick snorted with laughter and left the room laughing.

"Dear," said Octavia trying to keep calm. "Your father was enchanted before we married and he was able to hold off until we found a witch. He knows all about needs." She still smiles when she remembers their wedding night, Nick truly understands needs and he took care of hers spectacularly. "Unfortunately we are royalty and we need to set an example even if we're just normal people living in a big castle."

"Normal?" asked Grandma Jutta, her daughter is the most powerful wizard on the planet, her son-in-law is a witch king, her grandchildren are anything but normal, a duke, a powerful witch, a pair of genius twins, a grandson that can fix anything. The only "normal" child is Gwendolin, and Jutta thinks she's hiding some hidden talent.

"I like this normal," said Grandma Catrin, her hand stealthily caressing Jutta's marvelous ass. They're doing a good job hiding their affection for each other from the grandchildren but Pommy and Octavia are aware and even blessed their relationship.

"I'm overjoyed that you found someone," said Octavia.

"And I like the fact that your someone is right here, you don't have to spend a night alone unless you want to," added Nick. Jutta and Catrin haven't spent a night alone since they met and don't intend to.

Nick asked Loo-Loo to attend the Royal Wedding with Rorry von Windemere, the youngest son of Lord Ignatz von Windemere, Baron of Überskeld. Rorry was twenty two years old, seven years older than her and she didn't like him. "He's already balding, he's got a pot belly, and he smells weird. I don't want a worn out date. Why can't I take someone I want to take?"

"This is just a favor," said Octavia. "The baron is a friend and his son would like an escort."

"I want Reziko to stand guard or I disappear," demanded Loo-Loo. Lou had hinted that his sister had built an escape hatch in the King's Library L-Space.

"Reziko, can you do me a favor and guard Loo-Loo?"

Reziko sighed and looked at the little princess. Short and slim with beautiful thick black hair and huge brown eyes. "Because you asked, sire. I will do it."

The suddenness of Princess Hollie's wedding had the entire capital town counting on their fingers but come the day she still wasn't showing. The king came to her before the ceremony and she was completely a-flutter. She tried a white wedding dress with a white witches hat and her sisters both asked her, "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" Holly tore off the hat and stomped it flat then chased them out of the room. In the end she selected an elegant version of the black she normally wore, a smaller hat with a wider brim and a silver broom.

"That's kind of clingy, isn't it?" asked Nick.

"If I have them looking at my ass and tits they won't be staring at my belly," said Hollie as she adjusted her hat in front of a mirror.

"She is so much like her father," said Octavia as she glared at the laughing king. Nick and Octavia looked at each other, then Octavia smiled and gave Hollie a kiss. "The king would like a few moments with his princess, while she's still his," and with that she left.

"We're never going to have that," said Hollie, "you know how you can read each other's minds." Hollie pouted then some words slipped into her mind, We're not reading each other's minds, we're sharing thoughts. "How do you do that?" she squeaked.

"Practice."

"Thanks," she muttered and rolled her eyes.

"You have the magic, figure it out, then teach Mark. You need to keep in mind that Mark does not know what you're thinking, you have to share it with him. And you're going to have to convince Mark to tell you what is on his mind," said Nick out loud. "That's the secret to a happy marriage."

"That's it? Just communicate?" she eased her sexy butt into her dad's lap.

"That's it... but it's not easy. Keep in mind that in the first year we were together your mother and I faced death..." his eyes rolled up as he counted, "four times, five if you count the baby we lost... but we did it together and learned about each other."

"You lost a baby?" Hollie gasped.

"Very early in the pregnancy, but Death showed up just to let me know, the miserable bastard." He stroked her hair, something she's loved since she was a child. "Your mom and I went through some very bad times which taught us to trust each other. But we also went through some very good times which taught us to enjoy each other, so by the time you were born we knew each other quite well. What I am saying is that Mark is going to do things because he's Mark, just as you're going to do things because you're Hollie. Learn to recognize and enjoy Mark things and hopefully he'll recognize Hollie things."

"What do you mean Mark things?"

"On my way home from a meeting I picked up eight orphans and brought them home, that's a me thing."

"Well, that's because YOU were an orphan and..." Hollie suddenly realized what he was getting at. "I hope he doesn't bring back a half dozen cops," she muttered.

"Exactly, but you will learn. You're going to drive each other crazy, but you will love each other until the day you die," said Nick. When Hollie looked skeptical Nick said, "You are the child of the Enchantress, your love for Mark as enchanted him, and his love for you has done the same."

"Does this mean we're going to be just like you and mom?"

"Of course not... Mark is taller than me." Nick got serious and held her close. "I just want to say thank you... thank you for being such a wonderful daughter..." He was on the edge of tears. "It was an honor to raise you and love you..."

"I'm not dead and I'm not going anywhere!"

"Yes, yes you are. You're going from being my Hollie, to being his Hollie, you are no longer mine to hold and comfort, you're going far, far away yet you're still right here..." his face screwed up with the pain of the thought. "At least I get to spoil your baby. Thank you for making a baby for me to play with. I love you Holliebush," the nickname he gave her so long, long ago. He rubbed her tummy and he could feel the life within her.

"Oh stop being morbid! You make it sound like I'm dying."

No, but I am... but he didn't say it out loud. "Let's get going," he sighed. Her mother and sisters waited for her outside of the dressing room and they headed to the main court room where a huge crowd was waiting. After a week-long snowstorm followed by a week of digging out, the people of Lancre Town were ready for any theater.

He put on his crown while attendants put on his cape and Octavia's capes and as the orchestra played Hail Lancre! He and Octavia walked the length of the center aisle hand in hand until they reached the dais. They stopped and kissed, then as Nick held her hand, Octavia climbed the three steps to the throne dais. Nick took his place in front of his throne and they stood and when Hail Lancre! was over they sat down allowing the audience to sit.

Both Nick and Octavia were busy watching Llywella sitting between Reziko and Rorry von Windemere. Was she snuggling with Reziko just to make Rorry jealous? Her brother Llewellin was sitting with Marti Crookshank, a young, fiery redhead with a nose full of freckles that wants to be a Lancre Watch Detective like Annabelle Prescott. A string octet {eight being the number of luck} played a wedding sonata to start the ceremony.

Finally Mark started down the aisle, looking dashing in his blue uniform and gold eye patch. He still walks with a limp from his injuries in the Battle of Creel Creek, but his other injured parts seem to be working fine as the child in Hollie's womb testifies. Mark was accompanied by several of his friends from the Lancre Watch. He took his place and soon Hollie was escorted to the dais by her sister Gwendolin and her grandmothers Jutta and Catrin. Nick considered making an announcement to the gathered folks that this was a mountain style wedding so there would be no monks or acolytes from one of the two local temples, but they'll figure it out. Nick could see all the monks from the temple of the small gods in the audience watching in anticipation, all they needed was a sack of banged grains and a cold soft drink.

Soon Mark and Hollie stood side by side looking up at Nick with expectant smiles. For what seemed like a long time no one said anything until Hollie finally looked at her father and said, "Well?"

"I'm the king," said Nick, "I can't report a marriage to myself." Hollie's jaw dropped. She didn't want all this nonsense, but now that she's here and he won't do the marriage?!?

"It's ok," said Octavia, "I know someone," and she made a regal gesture and Agness Dempsey, the most senior of witches in the Ramtop mountains stepped out from behind the dais and slowly walked up to the nervous young couple leaning heavily on her walking stick. Agness was a grouchy, grumpy old witch that Nick has always treated like a slightly older sibling and refused to take her tirades seriously.

"Agness!" gasped her youngest student. "I thought you were busy."

Agness scowled at Hollie and said, "I am busy, I'm performing a wedding." She grasped Hollie's hand to reassure her and suddenly her scowl softened. She placed a hand on Hollie's tummy and said loud enough for Nick and Octavia to hear, "I told you he would heal." As Nick and Mark fought desperately to suppress their laughter Agness asked Hollie, "are you really sure you want to do this?"

Hollie almost said, 'No, my dad is making me do this,' but she realized that this was the first test of the witches wedding. The young witch softened and said, "Yes, I really and truly want this man forever."

"Marcus!" snapped the witch like she was calling a troublemaker to attention. "I never thought I would see you here, is this really something that you want to do?"

"Yes ma'am, I love Hollie, I almost died protecting her, I'll do it again if I need to."

Agness smiled, the first test is passed, she held their hands and felt no relation at all, a rarity in the tiny mountain communities. "This is your last opportunity, if you really do not feel like you should be here then go, I will hold the other one. GO!" but neither Hollie nor Mark moved.

"No ma'am, but thank you for the opportunity," said Mark softly.

Agness just smiled sadly and nodded, she just realized that she's giving her last student away. "Hollie Worblehat-Stein, turn to Marcus and tell him how much you love him," Agness demanded.

Hollie looked at Mark, he looked so much like her father, short but muscular, dark hair, trimmed beard, and the eyepatch. Can his new magic eye see through her dress? Is he looking at her naked body? The thought was thrilling, exciting, and just a little bit scary. "Mark, I've loved you so deeply, I cannot conceive of a day without you. Please protect me with your heart for the rest of my life."

Agness gave a half smile, that was sweet, but she'll never admit it to Hollie. "Markus, look Hollie in the eye and tell her how much you love her."

Mark didn't even pause to gather his thoughts. "Hollie, I've loved you since we were farm kids, playing in the hay, petting the bunnies and running around in the barn. Protecting you isn't a chore, it's what I was born to do and I will love you as long as I can draw breath."

Agness paused a long time then said, "Go ahead and kiss and show everyone your love... you are married." As Hollie and Mark tenderly kissed, Agness turned to Nick and said, "Your majesty, I have performed the wedding ceremony for Marcus Ivers and Hollie Worblehat-Stein today."

Nick got up and stepped up to Agness and laid his hands gently on her shoulders, "thank you dear friend. Please stay with us as long as you want."

As Nick and Octavia congratulated Mark and Hollie, Marlon and Annette moved to the end of the row where a small, worn out old man sat, tears in his eyes. "What do you think Ivo? You could have shared this moment with Catrin if you hadn't beaten her nearly to death."

"This is torture," he said sadly. "Does Hollie know I'm here?"

"Yes, but Catrin still thinks you're dead, and I'm going to see it stays that way." When Marlon discovered how his grandfather treated his grandmother, then threw his five-year-old father away like a bit of trash Marlon has been looking for an excuse, any excuse to kill his grandfather Ivo Stein.

"Is there any way I could..." the old man nearly wept. He made a horrible mess of his life with drugs and alcohol. Nick banished him to the mines of Copperhead Mountain where he sobered up and came to realize how horribly he had screwed up.

"You can't be trusted," said Annette. "But you may find redemption in Kings College. Talk to Queen Magrat."

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Lake A'Tuin was a huge hit. Even before the rail extension to the Barony of Lake A'Tuin was complete, people were clamoring to holiday at what the press called Turquois Turtle Lake. The former Barnacle House, the ancestral seat of power in the old barony of Smicker was renamed to Verence Hall for King Verence II and became a part of Lake A'Tuin Kingdom Park and could be rented for a day, a week, or a month. The lavish rental fees were more than enough to pay for upkeep as were the rental fees for the myriad of cabins.

The young men of Gwenders that Nick released hit the ground running and were doing exactly what Nick requested, they were joyfully and legally emptying Ankh Morpork wallets of money. A few of them pooled their resources and were giving carriage rides around the lake and through the dense woods stopping for a picnic lunch on a beautiful mountain overlook. Another group of fellows set up a picnic catering business, providing everything from sandwiches to whole roast pigs. There were hunting and fishing guides, and when the train finally made it to Lake A'Tuin, there was no shortage of carriages to carry you to your cabin, for a reasonable fee.

Occasionally over the years, Nick, Octavia, and Ning would rent Verence Hall and enjoy a family vacation which included all of their children including their spouses and friends. Ning often was able to convince her son Jia, the emperor of the Agatean Empire, to join and he would bring one or two of his wives. Normally Nick preferred to vacation at the Castle on Bear Mountain and enjoy the forest, the hot springs and the underground garden, but on the first of July he declared a holiday. A national day of celebration, and a day of remembrance of the friends lost on June 15th, the Day of Three Battles. June 15th is a day of royal mourning and fasting. The palace is closed.

In the fifth year of his reign he took his entire family to Verence Hall for a long weekend with no thrones, no court and no responsibilities. The kingdom was left to Lord Hargrave and Virga. Octavia's walking stick Virga was left standing between the king and queen's thrones. If there was a problem you would tell Virga who would let Octavia see and hear you speak. It was spooky to the majority of the court but Nick had Earl Hargrave practice using Virga so both were used to each other.

It was a lovely summer day in the mountains, the sun was hot and the lake was cool and refreshing. On the shore of the lake, Moxie, Hollie's Minimoth, and Juju, a bouncy son of Remy the talking wolf who passed away over the winter, played in the shallows. The air was full of Moxi's squeaky trumpeting and Juju's "Bark! Bark! Stop spraying me when I bark at you!" Gula the royal gargoyle hitched a ride and joined the royal trip to Lake A'Tuin and when she saw the massive lake she "Fell" to the dock and attached herself to a piling. {Gargoyles are able to fall in any direction, including up}

Nick and Octavia were enjoying their grandchildren, Corina Worblehat Stein, and Pommeraie Ivers. Nick had Pommeraie on his knee while Corina danced around "Grandma Occy" describing the fish her daddy, the Duke of Wægn caught. Only six months separated the two, Corina was born to Marlon and Annette first, and little Pommy was born to Mark and Hollie Ivers five and a half months later.

Now Hollie and Annette are pregnant again, this time Hollie has the "lead" by several months. She and Annette sat in the shade on a swinging lounge, next to them sat Jutta and Catrin, upset that they couldn't play with their great grandchildren. Nick and Octavia were "hogging" the babies, but Lou came to their rescue.

"Why don't you guys go play with great grandma," said Lou.

"She don't do magic," pouted Corina.

"Uncle Lou needs to talk to Grandpa; can I borrow him?" asked Lou. His girlfriend, Detective Marti Crookshank stood behind him, blushing furiously.

"KING grandpa!" demanded Pommy.

"Why don't you go play with Gee Gee," said Nick, Gee Gee meaning Great Grandma.

"I would like to hear this," said Nick's mom Catrin, and Jutta helped her to her feet and they made their way over to Nick and Octavia.

Nick and Octavia sat on a bench in the shade of a Friendly Beech tree, next to them sat Preston and Annabelle Prescott. {A Friendly Beech tree is a typical broadleaf tree; however it will adjust its branches and trunk insuring shade for anyone who sat under it.} Catrin moved close to hear what was going on and Nick saw her limping along with Jutta's help. "Mom, sit here!" and he jumped up with little Pommy in his arms.

The child was shocked, "You're the king!" Nothing is more powerful than the king as far as Pommy knew and the king must have a throne. Now King Grandpa was giving up his seat for a woman which confused the tyke.

"She's my mom," said King Grandpa. "To be a truly proper King you must honor moms."

"What about your dad?" asked Prince Pommy, but King Grandpa didn't answer that question.

Catrin sat down and Nick placed Pommy in her lap then he moved a stump of wood and a folding chair next to the bench so he could be sitting next to Octavia and Jutta could sit with Catrin. With a rustle of leaves the tree adjusted to shade that end of the bench. Other than their duty guards, Captain Reziko Pants was the only one dressed in a way that looked official, he wore the light summer uniform of the Palace Watch and a pith helmet to shade his head. The men wore light t-shirts and shorts, the women wore light sun dresses, except for Loo-Loo and Marti who wore bathing suits. "What would you like to speak about Lou?" asked Nick.

Lou reached out and scooped Marti into his arms. "We want to get married. I talked to her father and he gave us his blessing."

"After he read Lou the riot act," said Marti with a giggle.

"He gave a prince a bad time?" asked Octavia.

"Oh yeah, he let me know that Marti was a princess long before I was a prince," said Lou.

"Good man," said Octavia, "I like him already."

"It's going to be interesting to see you and Loo-Loo doing something separately," said Nick. Lou and Loo-Loo were a team, they did everything together. What's going to happen with Lou entering married life?

"Ahem," said Loo-Loo.

"Would you like to say something princess?" asked Nick.

"I have a paramour that would like to speak with you." Llywella sounded confident but she looked terrified.

"Oh?" asked Nick being completely surprised. "How long have you been seeing this paramour?"

"About five years," she said nervously, and a nod from her twin brother confirmed her claim to Nick and Octavia.

Five years! And all this time Nick had no clue that she was seeing anyone. "Captain Pants! You were tasked to keep an eye on this girl for the past five years and..." Nick's mouth went dry... "and..." slowly the light began to dawn on the king while his queen covered her mouth and tried to stifle her laughter. Reziko was tasked to guard Loo-Loo except when he was training his swordsmen or accompanying the king outside of the palace. Nick looked at Reziko and the captain was standing at attention. He had that look on his face that said he would take any punishment the king was planning to deliver. Nick cleared his throat and said, "Would you like to say something?"

"Your majesty... to be honest I cared for Princess Llywella before you assigned me to guard her. Her intelligence and her sense of humor attracted me to her, and over the years I fell in love with her. She has become everything to me and I intend to be everything she deserves. Your majesty I ask your blessing on our marriage."

Nick was tempted to tease Reziko but this wasn't the time, maybe later over a couple of beers in the royal study. "Loo-Loo, is this the man you want to wake up next to every day for the rest of your life?"

"Yes daddy," she said in a tiny voice.

"Reziko, you know what is expected of you as a guardian, do you have any concept of what your duties would be as father of my grandchildren?"

"Raise them, feed them, protect them, love them," the guard said. "I eagerly look forward to those tasks, your majesty."

"And my daughter, she can be very demanding. Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life with her, knowing all the time that she loved her brother first?"

"Very much so," said Reziko.

"In that case, I would be honored to have you as my son-in-law. Reziko, Marti, welcome to the family. The queen and I will want to talk with you later."

Reziko relaxed and Loo-Loo clung to him. "He's my protector, he will be there for me forever," sighed Loo-Loo. She suddenly looked very concerned, "Five years ago Mister Feigenbaum was constantly following me around. The day after you told Rezzi to keep an eye on me he convinced Mister Feigenbaum to find another place to live."

"Another place to live?"

Reziko nodded, "He settled on Slakki." Slakki is a volcanic island off the rimward coast of the Agatean Empire. There is no place further from Lancre and few places are more inhospitable. Nick overflew Slakki when he carried Octavia to safety from the Palace in Hunghung, Agatea, and they found Slakki too dangerous to land.

Laughing, Nick rose and patted Resiko on the back and hugged Loo-Loo. Then after hugging Lou and giving Marti a kiss on the cheek he softly called "Juju, let's go for a walk."

"Oh boy! Walkies!" said the young progeny of Remy. There have been several generations of Nick's friend Gaspode's descendants, some talk, but none of them have the intelligence of Gaspode. Nick feels that way too, of being stretched too far, of too much to do and not enough Nick left to do it. He headed off into the underbrush while everyone was clustered around the twins, Marti and Reziko. Juju bounded after him, happy, stupid, and willing to please. Juju was excited about everything in the world, from catching rats in the castle grain storage to watching the fairies flicker and dance around the meditation garden. Normally Nick wouldn't care for a dog like that, but Juju looked a lot like Gaspode so he keeps the little wirehaired dog around for the memories of his great grandfather.

Nick followed a path through the woods that was worn down by previous vacationers and found himself at a waterfall that tumbled and splashed into a sun dappled pool. As Juju lapped at the clear mountain water, Nick found a fallen log to sit on and tried to clear his head. Exie will be next, he's seeing a girl that is applying to work in the Palace Watch... what is with my kids and the Watch? What would Gaspode say if he were here right now.

"He'd tell you to pull your head out of your ass."

"Juju?"

"What?" The little dog sat down and settled in for a long scratch.

"Juju, what did you just say."

"I said that Gaspode would tell you to pull your head out of your ass."

Nick was stunned, that truly was something that Gaspode would say. However Nick didn't say anything out loud. "Remy would never say something like that to me."

"You're right but Dad only had two things on his mind, and one was bitches."

I wonder what the other was, thought Nick.

"More bitches," said Juju. Then the little dog realized that he screwed up and let his secret out.

"Gotcha!" said Nick. "You know that I have banned any persons from using magic to read the minds of members of my court," the King glared at the small dog.

"I'm not a person and you're not a member of your court." Juju knew that he was in trouble but he was sure he could dig his way out. "And I don't think this is magic, I think for me this is natural."

I wonder if Gaspode read minds too, thought Nick.

"I don't think he could, and It's a shame you can't read minds," said Juju.

"How do you know?" asked Nick.

"I read your mind."

"Ok, read this," said Nick and thought of two words, Security and Risk.

"Let's not get hasty," said Juju. "I can work for you, I can be a spy, I can dig up information from the enemy. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Read my mind," said Nick as he stripped off all of his clothes.

"Oh, bath time. You're going to take a bath. I hate bath time," said Juju.

"Not a bath, skinny dipping. You wouldn't understand because you don't wear clothes," said the naked king as he scooped up a suddenly terrified little dog and stepped into the cooling water. "Instead of sitting there panting, this is what you should be doing on a hot day."

"I like panting," said Juju as Nick slowly lowered him into the water. "I can't swim!"

"How do you know? You have never tried." As Juju's toes touched the cool water he started doggy paddling automatically. Nick raised an eyebrow and said, "Let's talk about that offer of yours."

Not long later Octavia and Ning came looking for Nick. They followed a path that he had mentioned in the past until they found his guard sitting on a fallen log. "Is the king here?" asked the queen.

"'e's roit there, yer majesty," said Various Ogg, grandson of Sean Ogg, the longtime castle guard and hero of Black Wednesday. As he rose to attention and pointed up the path he said, "'e's not far mum, 'e's 'avin' a conversation wit' 'imself, 'e is."

Octavia turned to her guard and told him to remain with Various and she and Ning headed further up the path until they found a pool fed by a waterfall, in the pool was Nick and a small dog who was swimming around lazily. "There you are," said Octavia, "you slipped away. How's the water?"

"Get undressed and find out for yourself," said Nick with a lecherous grin.

"He just wants to look at your tits."

"JUJU!"

"It's not my fault you want to see their tits."

"Dog, what did we just talk about?"

"I'm not a person and you're not a member of your court. Besides, I've been watching you, I don't have to be a mind reader to know what's going on in your head."

"Neither do I," said Octavia as she undressed making sure that the king got a good view of her luscious body. Six children and she still has the body of the 24 year old magic student that Nick fell in love with.

"At our age we are happy if anyone is interested in our tits," said Ning as she dropped her silk dress and carefully stepped along a ledge that led to the waterfall. The Agatean beauty was a magical sight as she stood under the tumbling waterfall, the sunlight glittering on her tiny body, her dark nipples erect from the cool water, she pulled her long luxurious ebony hair back and Nick watched her shower under the waterfall as Octavia joined him in the pool.

Ning dove smoothly into the pool leaving barely a ripple in her wake and slowly swam over to the rocky ledge that made a natural underwater bench for Nick and Octavia to sit on. Never having gone skinny dipping, Ning was worked up to the point that her hands were trembling. The caress of the cool water on her body was a lovers touch and she found herself getting more and more excited. She wanted Nick inside of her, now! As Ning swam over to Nick and Octavia her cute tiny ass could be seen above water. She pulled herself up on Nick's lap and found his cock erect. "May I?"

"You always know the answer to that darling," said Octavia as she leaned in and kissed Ning. It was only fair; Octavia wore out Nick last night as Ning cuddled and watched. Octavia held Nick's cock steady for Ning as the Agatean beauty lined herself up.

"Sooo good," sighed Ning as she sank down on Nick's cock.

"I'll have the guard get the bucket of water," said Juju.

"That's not needed for people," said Octavia as her lovers made love. Octavia got closer, just enough for her floating breasts to brush against Nick and Ning which brought her into their love making. She could tell that they were going to soon start to chafe, the pond water was washing Ning's lubrication away but they were too far along to stop. "My loves," she crooned as she caressed their backs and suddenly they were both coming, Ning crying out in her melodic gasps. Nick felt the tickle from Octavia's magic and suddenly he was cumming also. He pulled Octavia close for a kiss, he thrust his tongue into her mouth and held her as he shuddered and filled Ning's pussy with his cum.

Nick, Octavia, and Ning gasped as they all came in the warm summer sunlight, Juju climbed out of the pond and shook the water off then lay down behind the gasping threesome. "I saw what you did there," he said to Octavia. "You pushed them over the edge before they began to hurt," and he began to lick his balls.

"I have a clairvoyant dog," panted Nick.

"A what?" asked Ning as she kissed Nick's shoulder and reveled in the sensation of his cock going soft inside of her pussy.

"He can read minds," said Nick.

"Not hers, she thinks in Agatean, I don't understand that language," said the dog.

"He wants to be a spy for me," said Nick. "I had to tell him my rules, people cannot read the minds of members of my court."

"I'm not a people," groused Juju.

"He's got a point," said Octavia with a smile. Then her expression got serious, "you do have one person whom you say you can't trust. Maybe he can settle your mind about Ivo."

"And do what? Freak out my mother? My daughter-in-law? Ivo is doing laundry for the college and Maggy said he's doing a damn fine job, what more does he want?" snarled Nick.

"A chance to set things right, to apologize."

<><><><><>

Marti and Loo-Loo entered the clearing followed by Reziko and Lou. They found Nick, Octavia and Ning lounging in the small pool and it was clear that they were naked. "We're alone now, did you want to have that talk?" asked Marti.

"Sure," said Nick, "Oh, we don't allow clothes in our pool."

Marti looked at Loo-Loo who shrugged. "You get used to it. Same rules in the royal hot springs and every sauna in the castle."

"You have a hot spring?" asked Marti.

"WE have a hot spring," corrected Nick. "It's family property, we'll show it to you later."

"It's on the Duchy of Wægn," said Loo-Loo. "That's Marlon's land."

Nick looked confused. "What's your point?"

"The king is a jerk!" cried Juju.

The eighteen-year-olds stripped and climbed into the pool, and Nick was shocked to see the scars on Reziko's body. He was finely muscled but scars from cuts and slashes covered his body.

"Is that from June 15th?" asked Nick. When Rezzi nodded yes, Nick continued, "Octavia can remove them for you."

"No, thank you," he then grinned. "They're a training aid."

"He takes his shirt off when training new guards," said Loo-Loo. "They see his muscles and his scars and freak out."

Nick stood up and was comparing some of the scars he still had from the three battles he fought in with Reziko's scars when Ning shouted, "SIT DOWN!"

"Why?" asked Nick.

"Two naked men comparing sizes of anything is just WEIRD!" shouted Marti.

Nick and Reziko rolled their eyes and stepped into the refreshing water of the mountain pool and settled down in the water. "Just how old are you Rezzi?" asked the king. "You really don't look a day over twenty-five."

"We Agateans don't show our age," said Ning proudly. Reziko had the light tanned skin, dark straight hair and almond shaped brown eyes of the Empire.

"I just turned twenty-one, sire."

"It's not sire or ma'am in these circumstances," said Octavia, "It's mom and dad."

"You were sixteen in the battle for Lancre Castle?" asked Nick.

"Fifteen, sire... dad."

"Dear gods," said Ning. "You were just a baby!" The stories of Reziko's exploits during the battle are told far and wide, he is a hero of the Kingdom and wears the Lancre Medal of Honor. The castle could have been lost to the attackers if fifteen-year-old Reziko Pants wasn't there to protect the castle and fight back the attackers.

"I... I..." Reziko was tightening up, his eyes screwed shut, but the king reached out and touched his shoulder.

"We were tasked with protecting the king and we lost him," said Nick, "Both of us, and we're going to be dealing with that scar for the rest of our lives.

"Yes sire, uh, dad."

"I am here for you if you ever need something... anything... got that?" Nick's voice was soft, he nearly whispered it. Reziko sniffed, and Loo-Loo wrapped her arms around him, comforting her man. It's so rare that he allows his feelings from that day out.

For a while they relaxed in the cool water, sometimes swimming, sometimes playing, until Marti said, "This is so weird."

"What's weird dear?" asked Octavia sweetly.

"Just hanging out... naked. I've never been naked with someone else," she said shyly.

"I hope you learn to enjoy it," said Nick. "We want grandchildren."

Everyone there laughed at Nick's comment except Marti. She looked from face to face confused then realized what the king just said and slid under the water hiding her embarrassment. "This is a warning," said Nick, "but life as you know it will take a drastic turn the moment word gets out that you're engaged to Llywellyn. I hear you're becoming a great detective, but we can't have members of the royal family in positions where they can be endangered. You're going to be moved to the back office and piled with praise but you're not going to get within a city block of a criminal. We can't risk it. You will train other detectives and work closely with Duchess Prescott."

"What about Rezzi?" Marti asked.

"He's going to be a trainer, creating some of the finest swordsmen on the disc. For a huge fee he will be training people from outside of Lancre, and he will be working with Duke Preston."

"That's in the future," said Reziko.

Nick sighed and said, "No. Now. Unless you say, 'I'm not getting married,' and walk away right now, these changes are immediate. You both know that while we are at peace, there's anti Worblehat-Stein dynasty bigots out there who want a crack at running Lancre themselves."

Both Reziko and Marti were shocked, everything they had hoped and planned for has changed, their lives were taken out of their own hands and they were victims of the whirlwind that is being a member of the Royal family. Finally Reziko said, "I'm a cop, I can handle myself."

"Yes, yes you can, but I grew up fatherless and motherless, my grandchildren will never experience that pain. My job is to protect you, and your job is to raise, feed, protect, educate, and love my grandchildren. We can't afford Lancre to be without a king again."

"We were without a king for maybe a day," said Reziko.

"Yes, but what if I would have died? It was entirely possible that a thirteen year old Llywellyn Worblehat-Stein could have ended up on the throne with no preparation at all because Marlon was in the thick of the fighting in two battles himself. What would have happened to Lancre if that bitch killed you, me, and Marlon?"

"What if we don't have children?" asked Marti, her mouth just above the surface of the water, her red tresses floating on the water behind her.

"We're family, you'll help Loo-Loo and Reziko and vice versa, or spend time on the farm with Hollie and Mark. Regardless, you'll be spending time at Wægn Manor with Marlon and Annette from time to time to learn what our nobility does for a living.."

Marti looked stunned, Marlon and Annette were famous, they're both animorphs, both developed the skill to change to another animal. Whether they did it themselves, or inherited the skill from their parents, or Lancre gave them the skill in the hour of her need, they're celebrities and Marti is 'star struck.' "Get used to it, you're in a family of magic," said Octavia, "we all have our skills."

"I know about Marlon and Hollie but..." Marti looked at Lou and then at Loo-Loo, "You're magic?"

Both of the twins looked guilty and Nick said, "Both of them can pick up a book and absorb the knowledge within the book. Keep your diary out of his hands!"

"Yeah, Hollie will never forgive me for that one," said a sheepish Lou.

"We're sure there's some other things going on with them. It appears to come on after the age of sixteen," said Octavia, "which is what I've seen on roundworlds. Now, this is important..."

"You've been on roundworlds?" gasped Marti. Roundworlds are nearly fictional, but powerful wizards and tired looking scientists say they exist and they're completely different from a proper disc.

"Yes, I did six years of study on one. Now, this is important. As a member of the royal family you will attend all events, and you will wear what you are given.

"Yes mother," sighed Lou and Loo-Loo. The twins were used to the responsibilities of being a member of the royal family, Marti and Reziko had to be brought up to speed.

"We want to present a united front to our kingdom," she continued. "If you're nine months pregnant and puking sick, you'll show up, smile, then take your leave. Also, it's been a tradition that the palace witch takes care of all illnesses, injuries, and deliveries."

"One more thing," said Nick. He put his arms around Ning and Octavia. "This is us. We're not going to change for any reason, we are madly in love with each other and we're not going to give up on what we have. If you don't like it, we really want to hear what you have to say, but this is us, until death do us part. When you get married you will realize what I mean."

Juju suddenly perked up and read Nick's thoughts, of how their marriage to a child of the enchantress would enchant them also. The little dog muttered, "Does that really happen?" but Marti and Reziko didn't pay attention, after all, dogs don't talk.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Back at the castle Nick felt useless and alone and paced the halls like a trapped tiger. He wanted to change into a bird and go for a flight but lately when he changed back he was strangely out of breath, like his lungs weren't doing their job. He was breathing in and out but he didn't get any relief for a long time. It seemed like he was working harder than ever to fly and it wasn't worth the effort. He spent much of his time in his study throwing darts or at the Kings College talking to the students and disrupting class. He just wanted to walk away from it all, the only thing holding him back was Octavia.

Octdays, the first day of the business week on the Discworld calendar, was a free-for-all in the throne room, Nick allowed any petitioner to speak their case in the throne room and if he could eloquently state his case Nick would give it a fair hearing. If it was ridiculous he would invite the petitioner to leave under his own power while he still could, or he would lock them up for wasting his time. Occasionally he got the "I just wanted to say we think you're doing a great job," and occasionally he got the opposite opinion, but Lancerians on the whole would rather that Nick just get on with being the king and leave them alone.

Lately Octdays have sounded the same, the exact same complaints, the exact same requests, the same results. It was like someone copied Octday and gave Nick the same copy every week. This week was different, mostly because preparations for the double wedding were coming to a head and his mind was abuzz with the entire thing. It's a witch's wedding which was meant to be simple and quick, but with Octavia, Annette, Annabelle, Hollie, Eryri, and Ena McCrory all involved, this is becoming a major production. Gowns, cakes, orchestras... he would pay good money if they would just write out the king and let him go fishing.

"Sire? Sire?" Findlay's voice broke through the cloud of confused thoughts.

"Yes, sorry, sir? Your name again?" Nick knew exactly who was standing before him, but they had a game that they played and they were both enjoying it every time they played.

"Farnworthy Candlechrome, yer majesty."

"Ah yes, Mister Farnworthy, the reason... yes?"

"Farnworthy is me first name, yer majesty, Candlechrome is me sir name."

"Ah yes, my mistake, did you get that Findlay?"

Findlay MacIver looked up from his desk. "Got it your majesty." He worked hard to suppress the snickers; the king and the trash man, unlikely friends do this every time.

Octavia gave Nick an elbow in the ribs and said, "get on with it."

Nick grinned, "Mister Candlechrome, it is so good to see you! Since our first meeting large wagons stenciled Candlechrome Disposal rumble through our streets almost every morning and our streets have never been so clean."

"And it's because you gave me the idea and encouraged me, yer majesty."

"What brings you before me, Mister Candlechrome."

"Yer Majesty, as you know, I've taken to managing the dump... uhh the waste disposal site. Other towns are now hauling their trash to the dump and dumping it there..."

"That's the idea," said Nick, "what's the problem?"

"They're just dumping wherever they want!"

"Again, that is the idea," said Nick, "what's the problem?"

"I have men all over the pit sortin' an stuff. I can't have a proper burn if there's piles of trash all over. I go through each wagonload looking for items that shouldn't be burned. It's the ecology I'm worried about!"

Nick chuckled then drew a breath and said. "You want to get to all the good stuff first, am I right?"

"Well, yeah, that too, but that's what pays for me managin' the whole bleedin' pit, if you excuse my Klatchian. I pays my men from the scrap metal and antiques wot I sell."

"I understand entirely Mister Candlechrome. I used to make a living selling bricks that I acquired. It would have been nice if they were all in one place but for some reason buildings wouldn't all collapse in one area, I had to wander all over the city. Ok, here's what we'll do, we will send out a directive to all towns that they are supposed to stop at your office first and follow your directions, please put up signs saying the same. You may charge them for labor if they need help, but dumping is free, and you get to direct the traffic. Fair?"

"Wot if'n they dump somewhere else anyhow."

"A fine of a quid would get their attention. I'll ask the Highway Watch to keep an eye out for rogue dumping."

"Thank you sire!" and Farnworthy bowed, tugged his forelock and returned to the gallery happy.

Nick turned to the side where several members of the court were sitting and said to the Duke of Lancre, "Press, can we get a patrol out to the Cystern Pit and redirect trash dumping?"

"Will do sire."

"Ok, what's next Findlay?"

"A representative from the Committee for the Prevention and Discouragement of Filling In Cystern Gulch."

"Of course it is... it couldn't be anything but. Let's hear it," said Nick with a frown. He should have been able to predict this. Soon a skinny... Nick guessed at 'male' of the species was standing before him. Slim, bent, and balding with thick glasses. Behind him stood at what Nick would have guessed was a female if he was drunk enough. Tall, large, and angry looking. She would have been right at home with the Rope Street Manglers in the annual Hogswatch Day Foot the Ball game. Massive chin, bent nose, cauliflower ears, and short hair died green and purple. She had bits of metal embedded in her earlobes, nose and lips.

"You were right about the hair, your majesty," whispered Findlay from his desk next to the throne dais.

Trying not to laugh at Findlay's remark and the appearance of the people before him, the king tried to continue. "Name and Address please?" Nick asked.

"Jan and Hortense Foxlegging of Broken Wind drive in Lancre," the little man said.

"And how can I help you Mister Foxlegging?" Nick was dying on the inside. Ning on his right snorted but that was a suppressed laugh. On his left Octavia didn't crack a smile but tears of laughter were starting to pour down her cheeks as she held her composure.

"We... uh I... we want to prevent the Cystern Gulch from being filled in with trash. If you fill it up, Lancre will be out of balance and flip over."

Nick stared at the man in shock, he actually said that to the king with his mouth? There was no spell on him that would make everything he heard sound stupid? Octavia snorted holding back a guffaw, she's heard of round world people worrying that an island would flip over, now that kind of thinking has polluted Lancre? Even Ning whimpered trying to hold back her laughs.

Nick desperately tried to keep this business like and said, "I'm sure you have scientific documentation to back up your claim, am I right Mister Foxlegging?"

"Yes, your majesty." And with a shove from the womanthing that was behind him, Jan (hopefully he was Jan) stepped forward and handed Nick a stack of papers that were written in a stilted, spidery script. It actually looked more like a ransom note. The paper stated that scientific consensus claimed that the mountains point up, while valleys and gulches like the Cystern gulch point downward balancing the mountains. If you fill in the gulch they will get out of balance and Lancre will flip over.

"Interesting hypothesis," said Nick as he studied a chart that looked like something Cholly tried to draw. "Well. Better safe than sorry, I always say. Right Findlay?"

"Right you are, your majesty."

Nick turned to the gallery and saw that Farnworthy Candlechrome was there enjoying the show immensely. "Mister Candlechrome, please do not dump trash in the Cystern Gulch anymore. You may flip over my kingdom and I will become very angry when you do that."

"Yes, your majesty!" Farnworthy Candlechrome rose to address the king. "Do you have a suggestion where I should begin dumping trash?"

"Huh? Oh yes, of course." Nick looked through the stack of papers in his hand. "Ah yes, your new waste disposal site will be on 371 Broken Wind Drive."

"Yes, your majesty, much closer. The mules will appreciate it," grinned Farnworthy. Nick is on a roll; he'll be in a good mood when they play darts later this afternoon.

"Wait!" cried Jan Foxlegging. "Maybe we got the numbers off a bit... I'm sure that's what it is."

"I hope that's all it is," said Nick. "The penalty for intentionally misleading the king is death."

"Uh, no sire, I believe that the numbers are a bit off, we can recalculate..."

"Oh good. You have thirty two days to do it, in the dungeon." Both Foxlegging "persons" looked shocked. "That's the penalty for intentionally wasting my time. As a guard dragged off the shocked pseudoscientists to the dungeon, Nick called, "Next?"

"We have a Kings College scholar for you, your majesty," said Findlay MacIver.

"We have a special accomplishment, your majesty," called out Jutta Aldana, Octavia's mother. Next to her stood eight year old Cholly. He was still tiny, malnutrition in the very young will retard growth but he was walking and talking, a skill he didn't reveal until he was here for a year. He looked up and saw the King looking down at him and broke into a huge grin and ran all the way up to the throne and hopped up on Nick's lap.

"What is our accomplishment?" asked Nick as he hugged his little buddy.

"Cholly read an entire book," said Jutta.

"An entire book! Really? What was the name of the book?"

Cholly's eyes grew wide with excitement, "The Monkey in the Librey!"

"The Monkey in the Library?" asked Nick. "Did you like it?"

"Yuh!" said Cholly as he nodded his head vigorously.

"Who wrote it?" Cholly shrugged and Nick said, "It was written by a guy named Porter Strongback, he's from here in Lancre!" The Monkey in the Library is a children's book that Nick wrote in his hours of free time using a name he used to travel under. The book was of course written in honor of his Father-In-Law, an orangutan that most people called The Librarian, but Octavia called him Dad.

Cholly opened his hand and showed Nick a slightly crumpled bit of foil. "TAR!"

Nick took the foil and unfolded it gently revealing a star and Jutta handed him a pasteboard chart showing the class's accomplishments. Nick pressed the foil star into place where a dab of paste awaited. "With this star I declare a new scholar in this land!" he ruffled Cholly's hair and said, "When Mister MacIver gets old and tired I want you as my new secretary so study up!"

"TAY!" Cholly practically shouted. He snatched the chart out of Nick's hand and raced off to Miss Jutta to show her the new star. There was loud applause from the gallery, knowing the affection that Nick has for Cholly, his entire family showed up, from Catrin to Little Pommy. As the little scholar passed by the first row of seats he shook hands with Hollie like her grandfather taught her to shake hands, you clasp the other persons hand and raise your hands as high as possible then lower your clasped hands as low as possible, then repeat. She called it Orangutan Style. This caused Cholly to laugh and he returned to his seat in the gallery.

"Who's next?" asked Nick with a grin that was infectious.

"A request for execution, your majesty," said Findlay almost whispering.

Nick looked up and at the end of the central aisle was Magrat Garlick and Ivo Stein and his blood ran ice cold. "Maggy? What is going on here?"

"The prisoner is requesting to be executed," said the former queen, witch, and now headmistress of the King's College. "I am assisting him with this request."

"Juju?" Nick whispered.

"She's right," said the dog that was lying under Nick's throne. "The old guy wants you to kack him."

"What do you mean?" Nick whispered to his dog.

"He's... he's broken," whispered Juju. "I can't explain it better than that."

"Please approach the throne," said Nick. What the hell was going on here? He was suddenly anxious, he had a desire to run, to throw the crown in Schist Crick and just go. Go somewhere else, anywhere else. Somewhere people don't know him and won't ask him for anything. Nick could tell that the entire kingdom was staring at him and holding its breath, Lancre was watching him closely, maybe even A'Tuin was waiting for him to mess up so the turtle could shake him off.

Magrat is six feet tall, Ivo is short enough to be mistaken for a gnoll so they were an odd looking couple. Ivo looked much better than the dried up human that Nick met six years ago on the eve of the battles. "Please explain to me why you want me to kill you Mister Stein."

"I'm done yer majesty, not only have I seen the error of my ways, they lay on my heart like a rock. Yer majesty, for years I didn't remember you an your mum, then slowly over the years as I kicked the booze and drugs it all come back. I wish ah could take it all back, I did what I did outta the desire to get more skim and nothing else..."

"Mister Stein, the things that you have done..." started Nick but Ivo interrupted him.

"I know yer majesty! I did the most horrible things to you and your mum without thought... I hate myself so much and you haunt me, you haunt me all night long, that trust you had in your eyes when I... when I..."

"When you abandoned me," said Nick.

"I didn't abandon you; I threw you away like a piece of trash. I lied to you, got you all excited about seeing Hogfather then I tried to kill you like I tried to kill your mum. All night long I see that look in your eyes, I see myself hitting your mum and I want to die, I see her crawling off into the night and I want to open my wrists... I deserve to die, I..." Ivo dropped to his knees weeping, "I don't ask for your forgiveness, I ask for the mercy of the axeman. Please kill me, please erase my sins and allow me to burn in hell..."

Cholly cried out "Grandpa!" and dashed out to Ivo and threw his little arms around Ivo's neck and asked, "Wass the matter grandpa?"

"Cholly," said Nick as he rose to his feet, "get back, he's a..."

"DON'T YOU HURT MY GRANDPA!" shrieked Cholly. His big, brown trusting eyes were filled with nothing but contempt for Nick. The king felt like he was hit with a sledgehammer in the forehead.

"Cholly..."

"He's right Cholly, you need to go sit with Miss Jutta, I owe a debt to the king, it's time for me to pay."

"No!" cried the little tyke. "Grandpa! No!"

Nick fell back into the throne; he did not expect this. He looked to Octavia and her words came into his head, 'You know what to do.'

"No I don't," he whispered. Then he turned to Ning and he didn't get a chance to formulate the words.

Ning put her fingers on his mouth and she said, "Don't be the son, be the king."

He took a deep breath and hoping his beard hid the tears said, "Miss Garlick, what can you say for Mister Stein?"

Magrat looked down at Ivo and said, "he's been in my employ for several years, he's done a wonderful job with the laundry and the children love him. I couldn't ask for a better assistant."

"Assistant?" said Nick shocked. "How is he your assistant?"

"He sets up the classrooms and cleans them after class. While class is in session he gathers all the laundry and cleans it on Octdays and Wednesdays, he straightens up their rooms and helps me correcting their papers, and he's so good and understanding with Esme, I couldn't ask for more."

"Ivo Stein, is this true?"

"I try to help wherever I can," said the small man. "Sire, I am so, so sorry for what I did to you and your mom but my words are not enough, not nearly enough... please take it out on me..."

Now Cholly was joined by another small lad, one that Nick found last year, the one they call Benny. Benny was on the other side of Ivo hugging him. Benny was like Cholly was at first, tiny, silent, and mistrusting of everyone.

Nick looked at the gallery and saw the faces, looking to see if he could read their thoughts, then back to Ivo who was trying to calm Cholly and Benny. The king rose to his feet and said, "There will be a ten minute recess then I will return to render my decision," then he turned on his heel and left. Octavia and Ning looked at each other then followed...

Nick didn't get far, they found him in the hall mulling over what happened over the past few minutes. "Ning, honey, could you run to the kitchen and tell Mrs. Reinhart that we will be having a family dinner at six thirty? Nothing fancy, just family fare. We'll be expecting about sixteen adult and two, maybe four children. Then come right back, ok?"

"Yes sire," and with a kiss she was off.

"You made your decision already?" asked Octavia.

"Mostly. I realized that I've been missing the cottage and living there. I've decided that we will have a family dinner every week where we can catch up with each other."

"That's it?"

"At the moment," said Nick. "The rest will come." He pulled Octavia close and they kissed and whispered endearments for the next nine minutes until the chime on Nick's pocket watch went off. "Let's go."

"I hate that thing," muttered Octavia.

"You gave it to me on our first Hogswatch together," he said.

"I still hate it. Lancre society is not bound to the clock. When someone says, "I'll be by at six," that really means "tonight" or possibly "early tomorrow." But ever since she gave him that pocket watch he's always on time... however he's usually the only person on time because he's usually the only person who knows what the time is.

As they reentered the court room they found Ivo was sitting on the ground with Cholly and Benny on his lap. Ivo and Cholly were trying to encourage Benny to speak. Holding Octavia's hand Nick led her to the thrones as the room rose to their feet. As Octavia sat, Ning entered and Nick held her hand as she sat on the throne to Nick's right. Ning's throne was an Agatean throne, but not the one Marlon was born on, that throne was sitting in Wægn Manor.

Without sitting Nick turned to face Ivo who had Cholly and Benny clinging to him. "Let go boys," said Ivo and he rose to his feet. Maggy clutched Benny and Cholly off to the side but the boys knew something was up and were crying, trying to fight their way free of Maggy's grip.

"Ivo Stein..." Nick paused for a very long time then said, "There will be a Royal Family dinner tonight at six thirty in the main dining room, please dress appropriately."

There was a collective gasp from the royal family members in the gallery, what was going on?

"Sire, I... you're not...?"

"Mister Stein, this is not a prison camp, and we don't just kill people because they feel bad. If you're having issues you are free to seek out help, your daughter-in-law can probably help more than anyone else. Your granddaughter and your son are both witches who can also help."

"I'm free?"

"Yes, you are free to help with the Kings College and move about Lancre. I believe that Ankh-Morpork is still looking for you so please don't leave the country. Also, if you do anything that makes my mother uncomfortable, you will get the execution you asked for, and I promise you, it will take weeks."

"I... yes sire! Thank you sire!"

Nick felt Cholly wrap his arms around Nick's waist and Nick scooped the little guy up then turned to Octavia, "Darling, could you remove the spell that Annette cast on Mister Stein so he can talk to his grandchildren?"

"Yes dear."

Without a word Nick left with Benny and Cholly leaving Findlay MacIver to say, "Court is dismissed."

<><><><><>

Farnworthy Candlechrome has never been beaten so badly at darts in his life. He plays against Nick after court on Octday and he's pretty evenly matched with Nick and he doesn't mind if Nick accidentally calls him Trei. Nick's study is a pub where friends and palace staff are allowed to congregate, if you can't find someone on the staff, look in Nick's study. It got so popular that Octavia hired a regular bar tender because Nick would take over tending bar and not get his paperwork done. Along with the bar tender, the kitchen staff set out sandwiches for the lunchtime crowd.

Right now a small crowd has gathered to see the weekly contest between the two best dart throwers in Lancre Town while Cholly and Benny sat in the corner with Little Pommy and his cousin Corina drinking root beer and drawing pictures on some paper. Had they been watching the King of Lancre and the King of Trash, they would have seen the fastest game of 901 in Lancre history. The game goes very quickly when every dart you throw hits a triple 20. "You're throwin' quite well sire," said Farnworthy. "What's yer secret?"

"I just got some troubles off my mind that have been around for a while," said Nick as he doubled off to win.

"How long have they been around?"

"About forty five years. Oh gosh, look at the time. Cholly! Benny! Let's get you back to school, it's almost your supper time."

"Awww grandpa!" groaned little Corina. "Can they have supper with us?"

"This is a special supper, it's just for family."

"Cholly is family!" insisted Nick's oldest grandchild. "See?" She pointed to an icon on the wall that showed Nick feeding snow ice cream to a tiny, nearly mute Cholly five years ago.

"Start cleaning up your mess and we'll let queen grandma figure that out, come on, that means you too Benny."

Dinner was delicious, nothing fancy, beef stew with dumplings along with fresh baked bread and butter churned by the duchess of Wægn from milk obtained from a cow by Princess Hollie. Nick looked at the people gathered around the table and realized that for the very first time since he wore the crown his entire family had gathered together. Ivo was so interested in his grandchildren and he couldn't hear enough about their lives and the stories they told about life on the farm. Laughter rang through the room as the stories brought the latest addition to the family up to speed.

Nick was tied up in the thought that it was life on the farm that he missed, but that wasn't what he missed at all. Life on the farm was hard, backbreaking, monotonous labor interspersed with periods of shoveling shit and the weekly court meeting which was a different form of shoveling shit. No, he missed his family, his kids all gathered together and telling jokes, and now with spouses and grandchildren it was paradise. Jutta wasn't happy to have Ivo Stein at the table because he's the one that caused Catrin so much pain, but Catrin didn't seem to be bothered and she even laughed at one of the jokes he told and that was good enough for Jutta. Nick even knew that Catrin and Jutta were holding hands under the table, as they should be.

Nick felt Lancre blanket him in bliss and he began to shiver from the sheer joy he was feeling, Cholly on one knee, Hollie's son Pommeraie on the other knee, it was so perfect. He looked at Octavia who was holding hands with Ning. She looked at Ning and said, "I always get weepy at this part."

Somehow Octavia knew this was going to happen, and Nick didn't have a clue. He was about to ask her 'dear, did you know that this was going to happen?' but Cholly was trying to feed him some pudding saying, "It's ice cream poppa!"

Nick was so content he could weep with joy. How did she know? He'll ask her next time.