- a continuing celebration of -

Fifty Years of Pratchett

© 2023 Duleigh Lawrence-Townshend. All rights reserved. The author asserts the right to be identified as the author of this story for all portions not previously copyrighted by Terry Pratchett. This story or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner without the express written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a review or commentary. If you see this story on any website other than Literotica.com, it has been copied without the author's permission.

This is a work of love, a fan fiction. If you are not familiar with Terry Pratchett's Discworld, I hope this is a good introduction for you. The Discworld is flat, round, it sits on four elephants that stand on a turtle, but it's not all that different from us. It's hopelessly caught in our 16th century with 19th century refinements. The people are simple people, funny, scheming, hardworking, and when given the opportunity, hopelessly romantic. It's midwinter in the tiny kingdom of Lancre and it's almost time for the jolliest holiday of all...

This story was written for the 2023 Winter Holiday Contest

"One day I'll be dead and THEN you'll all be sorry."

- Terry Pratchett, 28 Nov 1992 on alt.fan.pratchett

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Happy Hogswatch!

Sometimes you need a midwinter miracle.

It is an amazing thing that observers of the multiverse have discovered, the co-existence of a holiday throughout the multiverse. They discovered that in societies that experience severely cold winters, a holiday grows somewhere in the cold. The holiday first came about for the marking of passage of time, to mark the day that the nights become shorter and days grow longer. These holidays were needed for something to do, to break the monotony of winter and lift the spirits, to remind the population that all was not bleak.

The holiday found on the discworld started for similar reasons, but somehow became even more similar to a holiday celebrated in certain round worlds. A masculine figure gowned in red and white travels the world in an animal drawn flying sleigh to reward the good deeds of growing children. People decorate their homes with bright and cheerful colors to drive away the gloom of the long winter nights, special devotional songs and carols are sung and special treats are made to mark that night.

The researchers who discovered this phenomenon are the type of people who study these things in awe and wonder, yet at the same time forget their own children's birthdays.

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Ages ago a blind, crazed holy man was asked by the Crocodile head, alligator body, shark tooth God Karg, the god of lawyers and poorly worded contracts, to draw the next world. The holy man was an Adept of one of those religions that worship things that could never be, but were based on things that exist: Oketchi, the Dog faced Snake God, the fetcher of news. Kiv, the god with the body of a tiger, jaws of a pit bull, and eyes of an octopus, he was the god of low angle attacks. And Ecchi, the eight limbed god of hentai, the bringer of reluctant pleasure and lord of warm, dark places.

Given a huge blank wall, the blind, crazed holy man drew a large sea turtle which amazed all who watched the small, skinny, sunburnt holy man draw with chalk. Then atop the turtle, he drew five elephants standing back to back on the shell of the turtle, then atop the elephants he drew the world. Perfectly circular, ten thousand miles across and one hundred miles thick the disc was a work of art, continents sprawled across the disc, a central peak shot ten miles into the sky, a spectacular perpetual waterfall skirted the edges, and a tiny sun and a tiny moon circled the entire design. When he was finished he collapsed and said to Karg, "what do you think my lord?"

Karg, the ruler of them all, glanced at the wall and said, "I speak for the Great Creator when I say, very nice, but too many elephants. Can we go with four? We're trying to keep the costs down...."

"... and that's why our world sits on four elephants, that ride atop a giant sea turtle today," said Nick Worblehat-Stein, taking off his large glasses and finishing up the bedtime story for his tiny twins. Scientific texts like this knock them right out.

On a unique world, the Worblehat-Stein family is probably the most unique family. Nick, who's full name was Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Worblehat-Stein, was short and muscular with black hair that defies all brushes and combs and a closely cropped beard that mostly covers a rakish scar on his left cheek. He wore an eyepatch made of real crockelgator skin over his left eye which is endearing to his wife. He's a witch in a land where all witches are women. Octavia is taller, she too has black hair that never seems to need attention. Long, black, silky smooth her hair does little to detract attention from her large round breasts, narrow waist, and round hips.

Six-month-old Loo-Loo (Llewela) was fast asleep in his arms, and her twin brother Lou (Llywellyn) in his mother's arms was almost asleep, their older sister, four-year-old Hollie, was sitting between Nick and Octavia and was drifting off too. Their oldest brother, Marlon, who had just turned seven, was lying on the floor in front of the fire, reading a story of his own, and was drifting off to sleep as well. A good nighttime story in front of a fire on a cold winter evening after a long day of work was the best way to cap a winter evening for a growing family.

"Ok everybody, off to bed, we don't know what surprises the Hogfather has for us," said Octavia as she tried to get up without causing Lou to wake up. "He will be here in just two more days!"

"OH mom!" whined Marlon. He stopped believing in the Hogfather last year... that was until the Hogfather brought him a donkey all of his own for Hogswatch last year. He didn't want a donkey, he never thought of owning a donkey, but Hogfather knew better and now Bongo is Marlon's constant companion, carrying Marlon's pack, tackle box, and fishing rods. Together, they explore every inch of Bear Mountain with Marlon's best friend Annette, and sometimes they give Holly the occasional ride. Marlon gazed at the fire, all of his seven years of age rebelling, fighting to stay up later. Who wants to go to bed when they can watch the fire and marvel at all the glittering tinsel, shining glass ornaments, and flickering candles? Maybe dad will get out his dulcimer and play a carol or two.

Every Hogswatch season, their humble little cottage became a glittery midwinter fairyland, their decorations even include a dozen fairies. Real fairies. For some reason Nick really liked fairies and always had a dozen flittering around the house. The fairies sat in the Hogswatch tree and on the fireplace mantle, flitting from branch to branch, glittering and shining, and sometimes they'd break into song. The fairies were waiting for everyone to go upstairs and go to sleep so they could raid the honeycomb.

{The fairies on discworld look like little naked women with butterfly wings. Even though they are of different colors it's actually quite easy to tell which ones are male. The males are the brunettes. Their favorite foods are nectar, honey, and bananas. They can fly and sing and talk with other animals but have to be bribed if you want to know what the other animals are saying.}

"We have work tomorrow," said Nick softly.

"Can I sleep on my couch?" said Marlon as he scrambled onto the ancient and most honorable throne of the emperor of the Agatean empire, the very couch he was born on in a bamboo forest half the disc away.

Nick just smiled as Octavia put Lou in his arms along with Loo-Loo. "Come on kæri," said Nick softly, and he carried both twins upstairs to the nursery while Octavia carried Hollie. Marlon remained behind stubbornly, but eventually closed the book and headed upstairs. His dad called him kæri, that was what the witches called their dearest friends, he's only heard his dad call the blacksmith and his mom kæri so Marlon figured he was in good company.

Nick and Octavia Worblehat-Stein are the most unique couple living on a unique discworld. He is a witch, the only male witch in existence, but he serves his community proudly, delivering babies, healing wounds, dispensing herbal poultices and plasters, and his patients love him. Their house is a witch's cottage, and he has a broom but has never flown on it. He doesn't have to; he was given the power of the ancient elves and the only thing he has figured out to do with that power was to change into different animals. It's a common sight to see a thoroughbred racehorse tear through town enroute to a medical emergency or a birth.

His wife, Octavia Worblehat-Stein, is five foot six, which makes her three inches taller than Nick, but like Nick, she has thick black hair and an even temper. She's also the most powerful magic user on the disc. Through off-disc magical training she became a powerful wizard, the only female wizard on the disc, and with that power she became The Enchantress, not a user of magic, a source of magic, a sourceress you might say, but her official title is Enchantress. She's only enchanted one man, Nick, but he was already in love with her, so that may not count. Only once has she used her tremendous powers to the utmost and she almost tore the discworld apart, so now she lives quietly terrified that she may use those powers again. Both are members of the King of Lancre's court, Nick is the duke of a rural duchy, and she is the court wizard in a tiny mountain kingdom that they fell in love with. Now with four children and a talking dog their life is utterly blissful.

Marlon stacked a couple of logs on the fire and blew out the candles, then headed up the stairs to bed. Halfway up the stairs, he turned around and crouching said, "Good night!"

"Good night!" called the twinkling fairies and one by one they winked off and the fire became the only light in the house. In his bedroom, Marlon drew the curtain between him and his sister and put on his nightclothes as his mom helped Hollie get dressed. Finally, dad came in from laying down the twins and went to help Octavia with Hollie, who was being stubborn and silly. The children were "blessed" with their father's dark hair that seemed to go in all directions moments after combing, and their mother's brown eyes and light skin. Only Loo-Loo got her mother's thick black hair that was always perfect.

"Ok, off to sleep little silly, and think of what you would ask the Hogfather if you saw him."

"I want grandpa back," whined Hollie on the edge of tears. It's been six months since Octavia's adoptive father died. He was a wizard who had been turned into an orangutan decades ago and fought back at every effort to return him to human. He ran the library at the Unseen University for long solitary years and spent the last few years of his life in joyful retirement living with Nick and Octavia, playing with and spoiling his grandchildren. When he said, "Ook," he was being honest, they really were the best years of his life and he lived just long enough to see the twins be born.

"We all miss daddy sweetheart, good night."

After kissing Hollie goodnight, Nick and Octavia tucked Marlon in. "She's such a baby," whispered Marlon. "The Hogfather can't bring grandpa back."

"Maybe he'll bring us memories we can hold on to," said Octavia as she tucked her son in. Although the growing family thought they were ready, no one is ever truly ready for the surprises that the Hogfather brings. That's why they're called surprises.

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Unseen University, Ankh Morpork

It was cold and blustery in Ankh Morpork, the largest city on the disc. It outgrew its city walls and sprawled out across the Sto Plains centuries ago and has been growing ever since. Ankh Morpork no longer needs those walls, moral corruption does the job quite nicely now. Invading armies march into the city on a regular basis and finding no defenders they have a bit of a look around. Once they find the nightlife and the flesh pits of the riverfront they eventually take up residence. In Ankh Morpork you can buy anything you can think of, and if you can't find it, any self-respecting vendor will steal it for you. The motto of the city is QUANTI CANICULA ILLE IN FENESTRA {how much is that doggie in the window} but no one seems to know why.

On that blustery December evening, a pair of women wrapped up against the weather in black wool that clearly wasn't up to the task, timidly knocked on the door of the Unseen University. They've been dreading doing this for weeks but this is their last hope, and if they are turned away it's over. There's nowhere else for them to search. The Unseen University is an old and monstrous brick and stone creation designed to contain and sustain wizards and their students, segregating them from society, making the world safer from magic through containment. For 2000 years, the university has stood, and rising from the center of the complex is the Tower of Art. At 888 feet in height, it climbs into the night sky like a twisted branch, a relic of the Sorcerer Wars of centuries ago.

Finally, the main door opened, and a nervous young face peered out. "May I help you?"

Jutta Aldana, the taller of the two women summoned up all her courage and said in a strong but fear laced voice, "We need to see the librarian."

"Follow me," said the young wizard, and he led the women through the maze of hallways, passing classrooms and laboratories. The smoke and sparkles of failed attempts of magic greeted them. As they walked they had to duck and dodge fluttering magical experiment debris that flew from classroom doors and rebounded off the opposing wall or lost traction mid-flight and dropped to the floor with a moist splat. "It's right this way," shouted the young wizard over the sound of the ripping of the fabric of the universe. "Finals are this week and the boys need to get ready for their practical exams." Finally silence returned and they were able to walk in potential safety before reaching the library.

In the library tall cases of books seemed to reach the domed ceiling, where the silvery light of the moon illuminated the library between the passing of dark clouds. Small purple lamps glowed here and there throughout the library and there was a rustling sound. Some of the more magical books strained against their restraining chains and flapped their covers in anger while student volunteers tried to calm them by feeding them humorous bookmarks. The books were anxious, they rarely have guests and never women.

A man with a very narrow face and a pronounced widow's peak glared down from the librarian's desk at the terrified women. Both of the women were short with black hair shot with gray. He considered them with a sneer and he sniffed in derision. The man had a long nose that was adorned by tiny pince-nez glasses, and he said in an equally pinched voice, "May I help you?"

"I'm looking for my daughter, I..." started Jutta. Jutta was the taller of the two and in a different setting, her beauty may have been breathtaking. Now she was cold and tired, worry etched her face with lines that were heartbreaking to see.

"I'm sorry, madam, but this is an all-male school. There are no daughters here."

"I... I left my daughter at the library hoping some kind soul would find a home for her."

"You don't leave children at the library. You leave books at the library, madam," snapped the librarian.

"The fire brigade across the street had burned down and..." she tried to explain. Fire brigades are famous for taking in foundlings, libraries are not. The woman broke down in tears. Her companion was not far behind her.

Now the shorter of the two women, Catrin Lenz started "My husband abandoned my son outside the walls of this institution, would you know of any foundlings in the..." Catrin had an oversized pair of glasses but it was clearly obvious that the tiny woman wasn't wearing the glasses, she was hiding behind them.

"BOOKS!" shouted the librarian, "NOT CHILDREN, BOOKS! THIS IS A LIBRARY, NOT A DAY CARE CENTER!"

The librarian was nearly shrieking when a very large wizard walked up and said, "That will do, Bérenger."

"But Archchancellor!"

"Bérenger, this is my university. If there is shouting to be done, I will do it. Now ladies, let's start again. I am Mustrum Ridcully, Archchancellor of the Unseen University. How may we help you?"

"Please sir," started Jutta, "Years ago my husband and I took ill after our girl was born, we were told we were going to die... I had to find a home for our baby but no one would take her because of our illness; she was so beautiful..." The tears were flowing now, "I heard that the fire brigade took in foundlings but the fire brigade across the street from here burned down, and I saw... I saw..." now her tears were flowing in heart-rending sobs.

"You saw the library's book return?" asked Ridcully.

"Somebody had to be there... anyone who likes books likes children, right?"

Glaring at Bérenger, Ridcully agreed. "Present company excluded; you are correct. What happened next?"

"I went home to die with my husband and we were grabbed by Klatchan slavers. They dragged us onto a crowded ship and after we agreed to work for them, they gave us something that cured us. We got off the ship in Klatch and were forced to work in the Syrrit tobacco plantations. Last year my husband died, and I escaped... I need my baby; she's got to be almost twenty now but..."

Ridcully frowned, Klatchian slavers. They were quite a problem decades ago, running about poisoning people and dragging them off, thinking they were dying. "Do you mind if I see your arm?"

Jutta knew what he was talking about and she rolled up her left sleeve to show the seven-digit number tattooed on her years ago. The number was fading, but it was still there. "I am so sorry, m'lady." He turned to Catrin and asked, "you are looking for a child also?"

"Not a child anymore..." Catrin steeled herself and continued. "I married young, and it wasn't long before the beatings started..." She spun a tale of her own domestic nightmare, which ended with her near death in a hospital from a severe beating over a pair of wet socks. "I ran. I tried to get my boy, but I couldn't, and I couldn't take another hit. I heard years later that he threw my baby out on the street. Pommy was five! Who would abandon a five-year-old on the street? Would anyone know about such a child? When word reached me that my husband died, I got the courage up to return to Ankh-Morpork and maybe find my boy."

Mustrum Ridcully looked at the two forlorn women. Why does this always come up just before the holidays? Poor Catrin's face looked twisted from the beatings of her past... how does this happen? "Come with me ladies," and as he led them through the University he said, "Our previous librarian knew something about a child that was found at the library years ago. Where the child went is known only to him, the gods rest his soul. However, the Librarian was quite a friend of the Duke and Duchess of Wægn, he spent his remaining years with them and he may have told them about it." He led the women to the only place in the University with women they could befriend, the housekeeping section and said, "Mrs. Whitlow, this is Jutta Aldana and Catrin Lenz. Could you scrounge up a meal for them? They looked famished. And maybe pack them something for the road. They have a journey ahead of them."

Finally, something to go on! Catrin looked desperate and pleaded with the Archchancellor, "How do we find the Duke?"

"Take the number seven train for Lancre, it's about an eight-hour train ride to the end of the line. You alight at a logging camp named Hot Dang. From there you take the coach to Lancre Town, the coach will drop you off near the castle and if the Duke is not there, you can petition the King or Queen for an audience with him, but the duke is always in the castle on Hogswatch day."

Catrin and Jutta ate well for the first time in months that evening. For the first time, they had hope! "Oi say, that is a powerful sad story you tell," said Mrs. Whitlow. "It's a million to one shot, but oi hope you find your child."

Just then if anyone noticed, came glingle glingle glingle, the sound of distant sleigh bells. On the discworld and in the magic community, there is something very special about the million to one shot.

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Partridge Cottage, Creel Springs, Lancre

A warm fire crackled in the kitchen stove, and her grace Octavia Worblehat-Stein, Duchess of Wægn, Court Wizard to the King of Lancre, and former Empress of the Agatean Empire brushed the sweat off her brow with the back of her hand causing her four-year-old daughter to giggle. "What's so funny? You silly thing."

"You got frower on your face!" the tyke's giggling caused the six-month-old twins in their chairs to start laughing along with her.

Octavia conjured a mirror quickly and found that she had a swath of flour on her left cheek and across her forehead. At that very moment {just like magic} someone knocked on the door. The little dark-haired fireball Hollie dashed to the door and peeked through the glass outside and said, "It's Auntie Ena momma."

"Well, let her in," and with a mighty tug, Hollie Worblehat-Stein pulled the front door open so Octavia's friend Ena McCrory could enter.

"I come to see if you need a hand," said Ena as she stepped into the toasty warm cottage. "Looks like you do! Happy Hogswatch!" and handed a wine bottle to Octavia. "Makin' Hogswatch cookies?"

"And froot kake!" shouted Hollie.

"Trying to," gasped Octavia as she dug two wineglasses out of the cabinet. While she placed the wine glasses on an open spot on the counter, the cork slowly eased itself halfway out of the bottle and Octavia pulled it out the rest of the way, there's rarely a corkscrew used in a magic user's house, there's no need. Handing Ena a glass of wine, Octavia collapsed next to her in a rocking chair and said, "Are you all done and ready for Hogswatch Eve?"

"Oh, gawds no, but that's the blessing of having three grown daughters. If they fancy a Midwinter extravaganza, they can do it themselves." Ena turned and looked at her young friend and said, "Look at you! You can snap your fingers and Hogswatch treats just appear, but here you are in apron and flour and I hear a kitchen timer ticking away... when's the last time you lit a fire in that stove?"

"It has been a while since I put a few sticks of wood in the stove. Nick uses it most," said Octavia as she freed the sleepy twins from their highchairs and laid them down on the couch for a nap. "Hollie and I have been baking, the twins have been helping, the last batch of cookies just went in, and they should come out nicely."

"So, you're not using magic on the cookies?" It became known among her friends that Octavia just needs to gather the ingredients of a meal and her magic can complete the rest of the task in a moment. Nick calls it Kitchen Magic; Octavia calls it Damn Convenient.

"No, I'm teaching Hollie to bake. She won't learn anything if cookies just appear. What if Hollie can't use magic later? Where will her daughter's cookies come from?" Octavia smiled and handed Ena a perfectly made miniature mince pie that appeared in her hand and said craftily, "but I am using magic on the oven. Right now, the fire is heating the oven to exactly 350 degrees."

"So, you're the most powerful magic user on the disk, and you're using your magic to manage the temperature on a wood stove?"

"I'm using magic the way I want to use it, to make life more comfortable for all of us, like the heated outhouse, hot water at the pump handle, and laundry day," said Octavia.

"I love your heated outhouse. I'll walk all the way up here to use it, but laundry day? What's magic about Laundry Day?" asked Ena.

"Hollie!" Octavia called, "bring me the twins' diaper pail."

"K mommie." Soon the moppet returned, tugging an enameled metal pail with a lid up to her mother. "Stinky stinky stinky!"

"But it's laundry day!" said Octavia as she tweaked her daughter's nose. Then she opened the lid and pulled out diapers one by one. Each one was clean, dry, and odor free, and she began to fold them.

"I would have killed to have been able to do that," sighed Ena. "You use all that magic, all that power to do laundry?"

"Laundry and baking and building snowmen and Hogswatch cookies, and the Soul Cake Duck eggs and everything else that Nick and I didn't grow up with," Octavia tried to explain to her neighbor that she didn't need to show off her magical powers, she was happy. "Neither of us had a family upbringing. Nick was an abandoned child; he grew up on the street while I moved from foster home to foster home, always returning to my stepfather who was an orangutan. When I first met Nick, he was trying to be an honest man in a filthy, corrupt city. He couldn't read or write but he wanted to and he learned and now he owns a bookstore."

"Only once I used my power to the utmost. When Nick was kidnapped, I used the power of an entire mountain just to bring him home, and I hated it. I hated how it made me feel." Her eyes started to tear up, and she drew herself back together, then said, "No, never again. Together, we made this silly thing with no magic at all!" She snatched Holly up on to her lap and started tickling her daughter to hide her discomfort. She still wakes up in terror from that summer when they took Nick, her brand new husband, away. Her anger and her power were barely controllable. The discworld did not know how close it came to ending.

Ena sat and considered her young friend, not realizing that she didn't like using magic, and wondered what Nick and Octavia would have been like if they had never met. "At first, I didn't even know you had magic. I thought Nick was the magic one because they made all that fuss about him being a witch... and he could turn into a horse."

"And a DRAGON!" shouted Hollie, but she was shushed because of the napping twins.

"He can become all kinds of animals but the Dragon is her favorite," said Octavia as Ena topped off their wineglasses. As the twins snoozed, the friends talked and made plans for dinner. "Bring your Calum over for dinner tonight. We're making, I mean REALLY making, roast beef."

"Not pork?" laughed Ena, "that's sacrilegious." Hogswatch started as the festival where small mountain communities slaughtered and prepared their unneeded boars in preparation for winter {you only need one boar come springtime}. That is why things like small ceramic sausages and hams are hung as decorations on the Hogswatch tree and around the house. On Hogswatch, pork is king.

"I feel daring," grinned Octavia.

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Bear Mountain, Lancre

A little further up the mountain the men were celebrating "Woodpile Wednesday," it's a part of the weeklong Hogswatch celebration that many men participate in, but it mostly applies to rural folks, especially in the mountain regions. In the cities men take the day off from work to drink, in the mountains men take the day off from work to work. Hogswatch is the first day of the year and the start of the deepest part of winter. All the other festivities are exercises to prepare yourself and your family for the coming frigid blast. Woodpile Wednesday was the call to get the last of your firewood in and stacked, ready for those long cold winter nights and men all over the Ramtop mountains were splitting and stacking wood with a fever, the cold sets in tonight and as they worked, they sang the ancient Hogswatch carol:

Limb the log and buck it short, before the winter worsens,

Split the wood and stack it neat, using sweat and iron.

Bringing wood back to your home, warms and feeds the family,

Share the warmth with those in need, on the Hogswatch Eeeeeeve

All spring and summer, Nick and his six-year-old son Marlon cut and split firewood. Some they brought home and stacked neatly behind the cottage, and some wood was left stacked in the woods knowing they would go get it on Woodpile Wednesday. Nick and Marlon loaded it on their farm wagon while the Dwarves, Nick and Octavia's closest friends Axemir and Eryri, stacked wood on their sledge to take down to the gatehouse where they lived when the winter storms cut them off from their mine on the far side of Bear Mountain. The sky was a brilliant blue without a cloud in the sky, but that can change without warning in the Ramtop mountains. "I think we have what we need. Shall we head out?" asked Nick.

"Aye," cried Eryri, and with large metal poles she and her husband Axemir began to pry at the bottom of the frozen sledge until it broke free from the ice that held it fast to the mountain. Nick grabbed the bridal of Kaleb, one of two mules hitched to the wagon to help guide the mules.

Marlon climbed onto the driver's seat, took up the reins and gave them a snap. "Kaleb, Teddi, Ha!" the boy shouted, and the mules began to pull. "Ho mules, pull!" soon the heavy wagon had moved far enough for the rope tied to the back to pay out. It drew up tight and begin to haul the sledge. "Pull mule, pull!" shouted Marlon when the wagon almost stopped, but the mules dug in and soon they were pulling both the loaded farm wagon and the sledge.

"Good job," said Nick with a grin as he guided the mules between the trees and toward the ancient road that will lead them home. He was proud of his son, who is becoming a true mule skinner. The sledge tracked straight behind the wagon so the dwarves didn't have too much work to do, but when they reached the road and started downhill, their job got intense. They didn't want the sledge to break free and slam into Nick's wagon. They had bags of sand to slow down the sledge if they hit ice, and two metal poles to steer the sledge away from the trees. Luckily, there were areas of bare cobblestone in the ancient road that were revealed by the morning sun and those dry patches kept the sledge from sliding free down the face of the mountain.

Starting downhill, Nick swung up on the wagon seat next to Marlon. He was worried about the wagon gaining momentum to the point where the brakes were useless and he didn't want to burn out the brakes, so he operated the brake lever as carefully as possible. As they passed their cottage, Octavia, Hollie, and Ena McCrory stepped out on the porch and waved as they went by. Nick stood and bowed deeply to them with a gallant swipe of his stocking cap. When they reached the cabin where the dwarves stayed, about 50 yards from the cottage, they pulled the sledge right where Axemir wanted it to land. "Perfect! Thank you!" called the dwarf as he stepped off of the sledge.

Nick came back and coiled up the tow rope. He asked quietly, "did you get what I asked for?"

"Here you go," said Eryri, and she produced two large sacks of coal.

"You always bring me the best stuff. Happy Hogswatch!" Nick hoisted the sacks onto the back of the wagon and climbed up next to Marlon. He ruffled his son's unruly hair and said, "take us downtown!" Marlon flicked the reins and they headed into the village of Creel Springs.

"Hogswatch," huffed Axemir as they watched the wagon head down the forest roadway into the village. "Humans will believe anything."

"Yes," agreed his wife Eryri, "but their stories are entertaining and the cookies are quite good."

Even though it was only a mile to the village of Creel Springs, the sky clouded over and the snow was falling gently by the time they pulled into the lot at the base of the hill were Trei Metsker, Ena's father and Nick's friend, made his trade as the village blacksmith. "Happy Hogswatch pops!" Nick called out as he climbed down from the seat and stepped around to the back of the wagon.

"Pops is it now your grace?" called Trei as he turned to see what the interruption was, and there was the Duke of Wægn bringing him two fifty-pound sacks of rock hard bituminous coal. Coal was expensive back in the mountain valleys and Trei was hard pressed to keep enough on hand for his forge. It's good to have a friend who is a dwarf that owns a mine. "Good gawds! For a gift like that, you can call me anything you'd like."

"How about friend?" said Nick as they shook hands.

"Here, to keep you and the lady warm," said Trei as he handed Nick a jug of hard cherry cider.

"Where should I put this, Mr. Metsker?" said Marlon, his arms filled with firewood.

"No, we don't need..."

"Put it over by the house. Miss Erin will figure out what to do with it," said Nick. Trei Metsker and his wife Erin were practically grandparents to Nick and Octavia's children.

Trei shook his head, "were you always such a sucker for Hogswatch day?"

"No," said Nick adamantly as he watched Marlon put the wood on Trei's porch. "Then he was born and everything changed."

"Aye, that's how life works," chuckled the blacksmith.

With a grin, Nick swung back up on the wagon, watching Marlon sprinting back from the house through the swirling snow, a gingerbread hog in his mouth, the cookie was a gift from Trei's wife Erin.

"Where to next?" asked Marlon, as he clung to the tailgate of the wagon.

"We'll head up to Schist Crick and swing around then come back through the village and drop off wood to the needy and the sick, when we reach the Watch House at the other end of the village we'll turn around and drop off wood to anyone we missed." Nick flicked the reins, and they were off, the mules plodding slowly and Marlon clinging to the tailgate of the wagon, his feet sliding on the slippery street.

And so it went for the rest of the snowy afternoon, the Duke of Wægn taking care of his family of Creel Springs, stopping at house after gaily decorated house handing out firewood. As the owner of Nick and Octavia's Books he spread holiday cheer with his fellow small businessmen, at every stop they would leave an armload of firewood, the gift of warmth, and sometimes the gift was returned with a gift of warmth in a bottle. Marlon was given cookies and candies to share with his sister by the grateful neighbors.

When they reached the turnwise end of the village, they dropped off several loads of firewood at the watch-house where the men and woman of the Highway Watch gathered. The watch commander's six-year-old daughter, Annette Prescott, gave Marlon a kiss which he returned. Marlon was 10 months old when Annette was born and he was there at her birth with his dad who delivered her. The tiny Annette's crying scared Marlon who hid behind his mother, but when she stopped crying Marlon went to the bed to investigate. Just ten minutes old, Annette turned and her eyes met Marlon's eyes and they have been in love since that moment.

As the snow swirled and the sky grew darker Annette remembered why her hands were so warm. "Here, for you and your dad," she said and she handed Marlon a special prize just for him and Nick, a small sack of freshly roasted chestnuts which they loved and ate as they worked.

To Nick, the most important stops were with the oldest members of the community, like Sieffre Merrick. Sieffre was one of The Boys that hung around and watched Trei work at the forge. He welcomed a young Nick Stein to Creel Springs almost eight years ago and guided him through the tricky social ways of mountain folk. Sieffre was in his 90s and he wasn't doing well, so Nick left him with two armloads of wood, good solid long burning oak, a ham that he smoked himself, and a bottle of Old Settler's Rye Whiskey to ward off the winter chills. He also visited some of the children that he delivered. It's safe to say that every baby born in Tallywiffle County in the last eight years was delivered by the local witch, Nick Worblehat-Stein. Some of the kids that they visited were older than Marlon, all the while wishing everyone a Happy Hogswatch.

As the afternoon grew dark and snowy, they stacked up what wood was remaining by their bookstore for anyone to take. Then an exhausted Duke of Wægn handed the reins to young Marlon and said, "Let's go home. You drive."

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Grand Central Station, Ankh-Morpork

Catrin and Jutta finally made it to the Ankh Morpork train station and found that a ticket was well beyond their means. "We need to see the Duke of Wægn," they pleaded with the ticket agent, who shrugged and said, "I'm sorry ma'am, that's thirty-five dollars a ticket."

"Is there anything we can do, anything at all?" pleaded Jutta.

Being a kindhearted man, the worst kind of man for any railroad to hire, and it being nearly Hogswatch he said, "Wait a minute," and wrote on a scrap of paper and handed it to them saying, "take this to office number eight, right that way. Hurry before he closes." As he handed the note to them, far in the distance, the glingle glingle glingle of sleigh bells could be heard.

Office number eight was the Ankh Morpork & Sto Plains Hygienic Railway employment office, and in there was a bitter looking old man with slightly crossed eyes and a permanent frown. His name plaque said that he was Mr. Cough. "What do ya want?" he demanded as Jutta and Catrin entered his office.

Catrin gave Mr. Cough the scrap of paper which he studied. "You wish to be train matrons on Number Seven all the way to Hot Dang?"

"Yes, sir."

This was a godsend, the matrons on Number Seven quit last week and he's been looking for replacements ever since. "It's a simple enough job, handing out tea and biscuits and answering questions, helping people with their luggage, assisting the train crew. It may sound easy but you're going to be on your feet and working for ten hours straight. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes, sir."

"Ok, the pay for each of you will be thirty-seven dollars. Be here at four AM to prepare your train for a five o'clock departure." Shocked with the luck that rained on them, Jutta and Catrin backed out of Mr. Cough's office, blessing him. "Don't thank me, you have a job ahead of you, you're going to earn that money."

Jutta and Catrin spent the night waiting in the cavernous terminal. The waiting area was as frigid as it was outside, but at least it wasn't raining under that vaulted roof. They ate the sandwich that Mrs. Whitlow packed for them, then leaning on each other for warmth, they held hands for support and drifted off in a nap. Jutta smiled, remembering that she heard the glingle glingle glingle of sleigh bells when Mr. Cough handed them their temporary employee ID cards showing that they were employees in good stead on the marvel of the entire discworld, the Ankh-Morpork & Sto Plains Hygienic Railway.

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Partridge Cottage, Creel Springs, Lancre

Dinner that night at the cottage known as Nana Partridge's cottage was an affair that witches rarely have, or if they did, they rarely talked about it: a large dinner for friends. The living room became the dining room, furniture was moved and a trestle table was set up for the six members of the Worblehat-Stein family, the dwarves Axemir and Eryri and friends Ena and Calum McCrory who brought their sixteen-year-old son Gavin along with. Hollie fell in love with Gavin and mooned over him for most of the evening.

Dinner was glorious, the roast beef was perfect, along with roast potatoes, carrots, and parsnips, boiled cabbage, and trout fillet (for luck in the new year), rabbit pie, cookies and wildberry cobbler. "Did you dig those potatoes up with your famous potato spear?" asked Calum.

"We call it a Potato Fork," said Nick, "and yes, I did, personally."

"I helped!" said Marlon, earning himself a tussle of his locks. Several years ago Octavia found an old weapon in a cache. Nick and Trei Metsker modified it to a fine tool for digging up potatoes and patented it as the Improved Potato Fork. The money for that patent is still rolling in.

As they talked and laughed Octavia suddenly felt a shifting, like the house gently moved sideways. No one else noticed it except Nick, who, being a witch, had a close attachment to the house. She leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Did the house just grow?" Then a horrible thought came over her, she counted her children then whispered, "Did it shrink?"

Nana Partridge's Cottage is truly magical. It expands and contracts as the family expands and contracts. When they first arrived, it was tiny, just a kitchen/living room with a small bedroom. When the ghost of Nana Partridge gave the house to the new witch, Nick, it immediately expanded with a larger kitchen and living room and a full bedroom and a nursery upstairs. Later, when Hollie came along, a bedroom added itself for Marlon, who moved out of the nursery. The last time it expanded was when Octavia was pregnant with Llewela and Llywellyn and Marlon's room made room for Hollie.

However, the house will shrink as the family shrinks. Unneeded rooms will disappear until the witch is left alone in a cottage for one. Terrified that the house shrank, meaning a loss of a family member, Nick got up and went upstairs, where most of the growth took place previously, and their rooms looked a bit larger. Going back downstairs, Nick noticed a slight hallway behind the stairs and went back there and found a large open room with two single beds, two rocking chairs, two dressers, two wardrobes, and a small parlor stove.

Returning to the party, he whispered in Octavia's ear, "It grew, I don't know why, but it grew."

"Nursery?" she whispered. She clutched her stomach; she didn't feel pregnant.

"No, it's like... a double bed-sitting room." They looked at each other and shrugged, but Octavia started to fight back a grin. She knew that once the children were in bed, they would investigate this room and christen it. The children didn't notice Nick getting up, because he does that quite often, usually with a wet child under his arm. But the dinner continued on, and the friends laughed and drank long into the cold evening.

"Octavia, I must say that your house is amazing," said Calum, "the decorations are truly enchanting. Do you get your ideas from the realms of magic?"

"I get my ideas from the court decorators in Lancre," she said. "Have you never seen Lancre Castle decorated for Hogswatch?"

"No, I haven't."

"You must go, it's open to the public," gushed Octavia, "the whole town is a Hogswatch wonderland."

"They took us there to present ourselves to the King and Queen after we were married," said Eryri. "Oh my! The decorations were overwhelming, it was like being in a frost covered forest in every room with sparkling bright ornamentation and candles everywhere." Eryri was in full female mode, normally you can't tell the difference between male and female dwarves, for this party she was wearing eye make-up, rouge and lipstick, she had her beard permed and had a stripe of blond running through the brown.

"It almost made a believer out of me!" laughed the famously atheistic Axemir.

"Can I see?" asked Hollie.

"Yes, we are going on Hogswatch day," said Octavia as she scrubbed her daughter's face, "and you need to behave!" The king holds a Hogswatch dinner for his court and their families on the first of the year and having been a good year, this year promises to be an incredible feast.

Ena looked around at the gayly decorated cottage. It was a little homey grotto decorated to resemble the frost covered forest. Then she noticed above the fireplace the plaque that Octavia gave Nick last year, it said:

"Ye and verily, life is hard, 'tis harder still if thou art stupid," - Sir Meryon Morrisyn, First Duke of Wægn

"Isnt' that true," she chuckled and pointed out the plaque to her husband. He read it, then said,

"If you don't mind my asking, how did you become the Duke of Wægn?"

"The king was handing out assignments and I didn't move out of the way fast enough," said Nick, and Octavia gave him a stinging elbow in the ribs.

"He was there with me at Tähelepanek Point... and then..." now Octavia struggled to hold back the emotions, the fear, the excitement, then the horror of seeing her new husband fall off the face of the disc...

"You were both there at Tähelepanek Point?" gasped Ena. Town criers throughout most of the disc made sure the world knew of the great spell that was cast at Tähelepanek Point, the spell which saved the world turtle and eight infant world turtles that were following along. Few people know about all the events.

"She cast the spell, and I held the notes for her to read," said Nick as he ate.

"So she saved the world, yet the king appointed you the duke."

"Uh huh," nodded Nick. "I only know one trick, so he made me duke. She is a full-blown wizard and has a hat full of tricks, so she was appointed as court wizard. Same pay, less work." Which earned him another elbow. The one trick that Nick knew was good enough to divert a mad, planet eating monster away from the discworld into a nebula where it suffocated on dust particles, saving the world almost at the cost of his own life and nearly leaving Octavia a widow one week after they were married.

"Here, Happy Hogswatch," said Octavia as she handed Ena a merrily wrapped book that she wrote and published, The Spell at Tähelepanek Point. "That tells the entire story."

"It tells our story too," said Nick, and Octavia gave him a kiss.

Soon the meal wound down to an end and the three families worked together to clean up afterward. With the court wizard directing the action, cleanup was incredibly fast, dishes and cooking vessels merely had to be dipped into the hot soapy water and they came out spotless. Then they rinsed in the clear water and they were dried by the time they were placed in the cabinet. The entire time that was happening, Ol' Gaspode, Nick's oldest companion, woke up and sat in the kitchen complaining, "What about me? Didn't anyone remember the dog?"

"Here Gaspode," said Hollie as she squatted next to the sleepy old wire hair terrier, "This is for you," and she handed him a large piece of beef with plenty of fat that her father gave her for Gaspode.

"Thanks darling, you were always my favorite," said the old dog after wolfing down the meat. Gaspode and Nick lived on the streets of Ankh Morpork together in their youth. The little boy and his puppy absorbed a lot of magical radiation from the trash left out by the Unseen University giving Gaspode the ability to talk and Nick the ability to absorb magic easily.

"Well, shall we?" asked Nick as the clean-up was finished and the living room returned to normal.

The adults gathered before the fire and stood shoulder to shoulder raising their brandy snifters and they sang the traditional song that celebrates life in the winter mountains.

Ho, a song by the fire;

Pass the pipes, pass the bowl.

Ho, a song by the fire

With a skoal, with a skoal.

Ho, a song... by the fire;

Pass the pipes... with a skoal,

For the wolf-wind is wailing at the doorways,

And the snow drifts deep along the road,

And the ice gnomes are marching from their Norways,

And the great white cold walks abroad.

But, here by the fire, we defy frost and storm.

Ha, ha we are warm, and we have our heart's desire.

For here, we're good fellows, and the beechwood and the bellows.

And the cup is at the lip in the pledge of fellowship.

For the fire goblins flicker on the ceiling,

And the wine witch glitters in the glass,

And the smoke wraiths are drifting, curling, reeling,

And the sleigh bells jingle as they pass.

But, here by the fire, we defy frost and storm.

Ha, ha we are warm, and we have our heart's desire.

For here, we're good fellows, and the beechwood and the bellows.

And the cup is at the lip in the pledge of fellowship.

Of fellowship. *

"You humans," said Axemir shaking his head, "You may learn to sing properly someday."

Nick sighed and along with Marlon sang their favorite dwarf song and Axemir soon joined in, "Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, diamonds!"

"Now that's a proper dwarf song for the midwinter," said Eryri with a laugh as they headed out the door along with Calum, Ena and Gavin McCrory. The snow was still falling gently, and even though there was no moon, the snow reflected what little light there was, so it wasn't a dark night.

"Does anyone need a ride home?" asked Nick.

"We live at the base of the hill," said Calum, as he lay down the large toboggan that they brought with. He sat down at the head of the toboggan, then Ena and Gavin sat down behind him. They intertwined their legs and started to push with their gloved hands. "Happy Hogswatch!" Ena cried as they gained speed and sailed down the hill.

"I want a toboggan," pouted Octavia as she watched her friends glide away.

Nick and Octavia returned to the house and found a sleepy Hollie ready for bed, and Marlon was already asleep from a long day of stacking and delivering firewood. Nick was right behind him, but Octavia said, "I want to see the room!" After a quick story and tucking Marlon and Hollie in, they checked the twins. Both were soaked. So a quick diaper later and they could creep downstairs.

"Snowflake, Flowerpuff, come give us light please," whispered Nick, and the two fairies woke up and followed them into the new room. The light from the two fairies showed exactly what Nick said was here, just a large room with two beds, two chairs, two dressers, two wardrobes, two windows, and one parlor stove with a teapot sitting on top. The only thing different from what he saw before was Gaspode curled up in the middle of one bed.

The old dog looked up and said, "Hey, can you fire up that heater?"

Nick was about to say something when a scuttle full of coal appeared next to it. "Thank you, dear," he said as he placed a few large lumps in the heater.

"Your welcome," said Octavia absent mindedly. Nick closed the stove door, and the coal began to burn.

"What'cha thinking about?" asked Nick as he lay back on one bed and watched as Octavia began conjuring and placing glittery, frosted evergreen boughs here and there around the room, trying to cheer it up a little and bring in some fresh pine smell into the room.

"Just wondering what this room is for," she said as she curled up in the single bed with Nick. "I feel bad that my dad spent his remaining years in a barn."

"He loved that barn. He was swinging from the rafters from dawn to dusk. He and the kids played hide and seek for hours on end. He claimed the entire hayloft as his bedroom. He was so happy," sighed Nick. The witch truly loved his ape father-in-law.

"So what is this room for?" asked Octavia as she began to unbutton Nick's shirt.

"Storing meat? It's cold in here," said Nick as his finger traced around her erect nipple.

"But it's warm in the sauna," she grinned.

"My poor old body needs that," he groaned. Stacking wood, hopping on and off the wagon, carrying wood to one house after another. He was done in.

"Come on you," she said with a grin and led Nick out to the kitchen where they undressed. "The Sauna has been warming for a while," she said as she tugged his clothes off.

"Mmmm" as they kissed, he pulled her clothing off as well. "You love your sauna."

"I once lived with a family that had a sauna," said Octavia, rolling her eyes as Nick's hands traced over her body. Octavia has large round breasts with large nipples, a narrow waist and round hips, her entire body is a work of art and he has trouble keeping his hands to himself when the children are around. He led her naked to the gaily decorated back door as she said, "We went there almost every night in the winter." They stepped outside, and the weather was starting to deteriorate. The wind had come up, and the snowflakes fluttered in all directions. It was only two steps from the door to the sauna, but Nick could feel winter's fury starting to build as they stepped into the tiny sauna.

"We need a roof on that patio." The patio was also the entrance to the warmest outhouse in Wægn.

"You say that every year, dear."

The sauna was a simple wooden box with seating for four people, six if they were really friendly. A glowing crystal gave light as Nick settled back on the bench and Octavia lay back against him. She lazily reached out and poured a dipper of water on the hot rocks and steam filled the sauna. "I think this is what saved us that first winter together," she sighed.

"Hell yeah, two dumb kids who just found out that a baby will survive if you leave it alone for a few minutes. Then we sneak out here, get all hot and sweaty and fuck like otters."

"You make it sound so romantic."

"I was so worried about you and Marlon," said Nick as he brushed her thick locks aside and nibbled gently on her neck.

"Why? We survived, we had plenty of food and firewood, we were good..." his teeth and mouth felt so good on her neck, his hands kneading her breasts, twisting and twirling her nipples, pulling, pinching, and feeling sooo good.

"I was afraid as soon as spring broke you would go."

"Where would we go? This is our home!" she turned and pulled him down for a kiss. His fingers now stroked her sweat covered back. He was turning her on so well. "I could never leave you," she sighed as their lips parted. "You complete me." Which is true. Without Nick's elven magic as a counterpoise, she would not be as powerful as she is.

"It was so weird for me," said Nick, "When we brought tiny Marlon home after he was born, I was so scared, I've never seen a baby, never lived in a house, and I've never seen snow like that, we lost so many chickens..." she stifled his commiserations by capturing a sweaty nipple between her pearly teeth and flicking the tip of her tongue over it causing him to gasp.

"We figured it out," she sighed as she began stroking his hard cock.

"Yeah, when Hollie was born we thought we knew it all..." Octavia joined him in laughter. Hollie taught them that there's an entire world out there they have no knowledge of.

So hot, so steamy. She curled up on his lap and he held her close and they kissed sweetly as sweat drenched them. His hand trailed over her thigh and reaching around, his fingertips stroking the lips of her pussy as she bit his lower lip. "Let's go feel the snow," he whispered.

She purred as she uncurled from her husband's lap and led him outside, naked, hot and sweaty. The cold air, the swirling snow, making their overheated skin feel alive as steam rose off their bodies. She melted into his arms and they continued to kiss, his rock hard cock pressing into her tummy, their passion inflamed as the frigid air invigorated them and next thing they knew they were sneaking naked through the house heading to the new room, their clothes in their hands, trying hard not to laugh.

Octavia dashed into the bed-sitting room, so cozy and warm from the tiny parlor stove now and she rolled onto one bed, knees spread, arms out, reaching for Nick. He got between her legs and kissed his way down to her pussy as she protested, "no! don't... I want to... uhhh you son of a bitch... you know right where I'm weakest..." He looked up at her and waggled an eyebrow and began to make sweet love to her pussy with his lips, his tongue and soon his fingers.

Octavia's fingers tangled in Nick's hair, both holding his mouth in place and pushing him away when the sensations of his suckling and licking her clit became too much. Realizing that they were right under the kids' room, she stifled her cries as he drove her higher than she expected so quickly. Her juices were flowing, her nipples aching, and she began that climb to orgasm. He reached up and pinched and rolled her nipples between his fingers and thumbs while he suckled at her clit, his tongue flickering over the sensitive nubbin. Her hands grasped the coverlet and squeezed tight as the sensations took over her mind and body.

Nick noticed that she was holding her breath, a sure sign that her orgasm was imminent. He began to slide two fingers in and out of her pussy as he continued to slaver on her clit. Now her hips began to rise up off the bed and she gasped as waves of pleasure swamped her senses. Her gasps were followed by little squeaks and cries and finally the damn burst. His tongue stayed on her clit as her pussy squeezed his fingers and her hips began shuddering, trying to throw him off. Her hands flew to her mouth to cover any screams, and when she did that, Nick crawled up between her legs and eased his cock into her over heated pussy.

Octavia gave a guttural groan as Nick's thick cock spread her open and delved deeper and deeper into her pussy. The sensations assailing Octavia went into overdrive as Nick began fucking. Her eyes rolled back in her head as her orgasm took over, her heavy breasts wobbled as he fucked and he pushed himself up on his hands to watch those succulent marvels shudder with every thrust. Without warning her orgasm crashed over her and she wrapped her arms and legs around him so tightly and squeezed so hard that he couldn't move as she shuddered her way through a mind bending climax.

The waves of pleasure kept coming and coming as she clutched Nick and dug her nails into his back. "Oh gods!" she gasped as tremendous waves of relief had their way with her body. She was helpless to the sensations until finally they calmed and she was able to breathe. However as she began to relax, Nick took that as a signal to start fucking again.

"Stop! I need a breather," she said as she pushed Nick up. "What got into you?"

"It's a Hogswatch miracle," he said with a grin.

"Oh gawds, come here." She rolled out from under Nick, then walked over to the other bed and shoo'd Gaspode out of the way.

"Haven't you heard about letting sleeping dogs lie?" Gaspode complained.

"Go lie by the parlor heater," said Nick and the grouchy old dog did just that, curling up into a small ball of wiry fur in front of the low coal fire.

Octavia pushed Nick onto his back and straddled him. "I know you like this," she said with a smile.

"We haven't done this in a long time," Nick said as Octavia lined up his cock and sank down on it, they were getting back into sex after she gave birth to the twins so everything was new again. Both loved the feeling of his cock penetrating deep into her pussy until the head of his cock just barely touched her cervix.

"Perfect fit," she said as she smiled at Nick.

She leaned forward and supported herself on her arms and began rocking back and forth, sliding his cock in and out of her pussy, her tingling clit brushing through his pubic hair, her nipples brushing against his chest. "I won't last long with this either," she gasped, but Nick was way ahead of her. Her swinging breasts were a sight to behold, and he held her ass as her pussy drove him out of his mind.

"I'm going to cum," he whispered, then arched his back and came, his cock jerking, firing volley after volley into her warm pussy. As his cock softened, she came again, scuffing her clit in his pubes, then collapsed on him. The couple lay gasping in a pool of all forms of liquids they released, kissing and marveling again at the wonder of the most perfect partner either of them could have ever found. "We're going to have to clean up this place," Nick whispered.

"Done," said his Enchantress as the beds were pulled taught and the bedcovers cleaned. The whole time she was pregnant with the twins she refrained from using magic, now she uses it every chance she gets. They staggered to the kitchen and gently wiped each other clean with a washcloth, then climbed upstairs to their comfortable old bed. Virga, Octavia's jealous walking stick and Gula, Nick's jealous gargoyle, watching them every step of the way.

As they snuggled under their warm quilts, Nick asked, "What do you want most of all for Hogswatch?"

She didn't pause, this was something she's thought about for a while. "I would like to line Marlon and Hollie and Lou and Loo-Loo up in front of my mother and say, 'Look mom, look what I did.'" She sniffed a little then asked, "what about you?"

He thought about it for a long time, then said, "I would like to do that too." And as the two orphans drifted off to sleep on that snowy night, Nick was sure he heard the glingle glingle glingle of sleigh bells.

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AM&SP HR Grand Central Station, Ankh-Morpork 4:00 AM

Station master Casey James groaned as he stepped into the dispatcher's office and looked through his train orders. First out the gate - Number Seven, The Ramtops Challenger. Once the flagship passenger train of the railroad, the Challenger is now a mixed train, ten box cars full of freight, three empty flat cars, and two gondolas full of gravel followed by the Rail Post Office car, and the baggage/coach full of express freight and brakemen. Behind that were two coaches, a dinette car, two more coaches and a parlor car. He frowned; how did they put this old wreck together with so much junk? The locomotive was underpowered, the freight cars were overloaded, the passenger cars were packed full of loggers and miners with maybe a dozen "normal" travelers heading out across the Sto Plains.

As he read the train orders, a throat was cleared nearby just to let him know that a throat was nearby. "Yes?" he allowed one eye to peer above a barely legible slow order on the main line near Hamlin to see two women dressed in black looking at him with expectant smiles. One was small and compact, the other a bit taller with a figure that would cause an hourglass to turn green with envy.

"Mister James, I'm Jutta Aldana and this is Catrin Lenz. We are to be car matrons on Number 7 this morning."

Casey looked at the workorder Jutta handed him and their employee cards with callous indifference. "Follow me," he grumbled and led the women out onto the platform. It was a chilly, damp morning and locomotive #24 was backing onto their train. He watched the yardmen couple #24 onto the train and frowned. #24 is old. It doesn't have steam heat connections to warm the passenger cars. That's why he has matrons. "Are ye familiar with parlor stoves?" he said as they walked past the ancient baggage/coach car that was also acting as caboose for the freight section of the train. The crew inside were gathered around the stove waiting for their brew-up of tea.

"I should say so, both wood fueled and coal," said Jutta. Catrin nodded in agreement.

"Follow me," and he climbed aboard. "For passenger service we have two coaches, followed by a dinette, followed by a two more coaches, then followed by a parlor car. There is no smoking in the coaches, only in the parlor cars and dinette." He pointed at Jutta. "You get the first two coaches, and you with the glasses..."

"Catrin, yer lordship."

"Yeah, Catrin, you get the second two coaches. Don't worry about any other car on the train, just the two cars you've been assigned. When you're done with the run, see your conductor for your pay."

"What do we do?" asked Catrin.

"It's fairly simple. Keep the heaters working, it's going to be a cold one today. Answer any questions, direct any smokers to the parlor car. If you have any problems with the passengers refer the problem to the conductor, that's his job. That's it, do you have questions for me??"

Catrin said, "No sir. We have people waiting for us already, I see."

"Well then, you best start firing up your heaters. Take your scuttles to the locomotive for coal." For the next half hour, Catrin and Jutta walked back and forth between the locomotive and their cars with scuttles full of coal. The train was so long, the trip to the locomotive and back for Catrin was nearly a half mile. Once they got the little stoves burning, they met in the dinette and studied the schedule. People were going to want to know times and locations, but neither woman had a watch.

"You come see me at every station stop," said a grumpy-looking man in a railroad uniform. He sat in a corner booth of the dinette, drinking coffee and eating breakfast. "I'll let you know if we're running on time."

"And you are...?"

"Ergi Stoat, I'm da conductor an' dis is my train. I want choo two walking up an' down da aisles da whole trip, answerin' questions, chasing smokers off da open vestibules, and when we come into a station, call out loud and clear what station we are coming into."

"What if we don't know what station we're coming into?" asked a nervous Jutta.

"Come ask me. I'll be right here. NEVER refer a passenger to me, handle it. And keep da stoves warm, but not TOO warm, coal ain't free, ya know." He got up, put a gold "RESERVED" sign on his table, then said, "Follow me," and led them to a vestibule, the open area between cars. The only thing that kept a passenger from falling under the train when crossing from one car to the next were two safety chains. "Dis here is da brake wheel. When you hear da locomotive blow one long whistle, you comes out onto da vestibule like dis and turn da wheel clockwise. When it blows two whistles turn da brake wheel counterclockwise. Got dat?" and without waiting for a response, he swung off the train, smiling and nodding to the travelers who began to crowd onto the train.

"I guess we get to our cars," said Jutta. She noticed that Catrin looked like she was going to cry. "Don't worry, we'll soon see the Duke and he'll point us in the right direction. We'll find Corin and then we'll find Pommy." Catrin smiled weakly and nodded, then headed off to her coaches.

"BOOOOOARD!" shouted Conductor Ergi and with a toot-toot and a slam of cars that nearly threw both Matrons off their feet they were underway. Ergi worked his way through the train, punching tickets as they snaked their way through the confusion of yard tracks out of the station and out to the main line. Slowly they built up speed, this first leg of the run was The Ramtops Challenger's bread and butter. Most passengers were traveling between Ankh-Morpork and Sto Helit or Sto Lat for the holiday. Their transit will pay for this train.

They found the job of train matron was fairly easy at first. Every question both women encountered was easily answered by reading the passenger's ticket carefully. Unfortunately, for the first leg of the run, there were a lot of SRO, Standing Room Only tickets and the aisles were crowded, as were the vestibules and they spent most of their time chasing passengers off the open area between cars. The passengers were hoping that they could stand in the dinette and sip tea, but that was not to be, the dinette was too crowded. Turning the brake wheel was going to be hard because it was frigid outside and they weren't dressed for outside work.

They eased into Sto Helit in one hour, three minutes early! The same trip on horseback was half a day. Holiday travel via the train was a marvel and cheerful holiday travelers piled off the train thanking Jutta and Catrin for their help.

The Ramtops Challenger didn't wait long. The train crew added two more box cars then "BOOOOOOARD!" called Ergi again and once again they were underway. The bare cabbage fields of the Sto Plains flashed by in the pre-dawn gloom as the matrons walked up and down the aisle, smiling, nodding, prodding a little more heat out of the stoves. Crossing from one car to the next was icy and dangerous, and there was only one ice scraper on the train, so Jutta and Catrin shuffled it back and forth as they traveled.

"Next Station Sto Lat, get your bags together if you are getting off at Sto Lat." Jutta was getting into the swing of the job. Catrin was a little nervous, but she too fell into the rhythm of the rails. They've already traveled sixty miles, and the sun hasn't come up yet.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Partridge Cottage, Creel Springs, Lancre

Nick's eyes fluttered open. He smiled with that feeling you get after a night of sex, blissful and dozy. "I don't want to get up," he groaned, but then he felt a nose press against his nose. Just as he reached to give Octavia the good morning kiss of her dreams, he realized it wasn't Octavia.

"I'm hungry daddy," said Hollie, smiling. Her eyes crossed as she looked into her daddy's eye. She folded up his eyepatch to reveal the gold artificial eye that a grateful Prime Minister of the Agatean Empire gave him. {Nick did the Prime Minister and the people of the Empire a huge favor by accidentally killing their mad emperor} "I like your gold eye," as she drew close and studied it. Nick never told his kids that his gold eye magically works.

"Thank you, I'll let you look at it again on your wedding day." Nick was sensitive about his missing eye.

"Can you make pam cakes?"

"PaN cakes, paN cakes. Say your N."

"I like pam better." The tyke slid out of bed and he saw Octavia looking at him with a smile of amusement.

"Good morning Sir."

"She has your eyes," Nick smiled. "Good morning Ma'am," and they drew close for a kiss, but their exchange was interrupted by the twin wail of the twins. "Rock paper scissors, winner gets Lou."

"You're on daddy," and Octavia crushed Nick's scissors with a rock, giving Nick the honor of changing Loo-Loo.

"Aww, she always poops first thing in the morning."

"Sorrreeee," grinned Octavia as they got up and attended to the twins. "Ughh, I got a winner too," groaned Octavia as she inspected her youngest son's diaper. "And you look pretty happy about it, you little stinker." Llywellyn gave his mother a huge toothless grin and kicked happily as his mother changed his diaper. Then the family gathered around the breakfast table, except for Nick. "Where to?"

"Duchy offices, I need to balance the books for the king's auditor tomorrow."

"They're going to audit the books on Hogswatch Day?" asked Octavia as she gave Nick a breakfast pastry that wasn't there a moment ago.

"No, the day after, they want the books turned over tomorrow so there's none missing when the audit starts at sunrise." Nick pulled on his knee high mukluks and headed out with a promise to be back for lunch.

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Sky Dancer Pass, AM&SP Hygienic Railway

The Ramtop Challenger was clawing its way through the Ramtops Mountains. This was some of the most beautiful mountain railroading on the discworld. Rocky canyon walls lined the narrow ledge that the train crawled along and plunging canyons into depths marked this territory. The small wedge plow on the pilot of the locomotive shoved snow off the rails and over the side of the cliff. It was a long struggle to get to the top of Sky Dancer Pass and sometimes the heavy train was barely moving at a walking pace. The barks of the straining locomotive echoed off the mountainsides, eventually gaining speed as they finally made it to the crest of the pass. The exhausted engineer spotted the locomotive at the summit tank and they paused at the top of the pass to take on water and coal. The passengers stepped off the train to take in the breath-taking mountain scenery as Catrin and Jutta dashed to the locomotive for more coal as their scuttles were empty and their heaters were nearly extinguished.

"Howya doin little lady?" a strange little man peered at Catrin from the top of a boxcar. He was filthy, and he waved to her with a hand that only had two fingers. Terrified, she shuffled back to her coach faster, hauling her two scuttles. Hopefully, this will be the last time she has to drag coal all the way back to her coach. They're nearly two-thirds of the way to Hot Dang and soon she'll be seeing the Duke!

"Hiya, ma'am," he called out to Jutta as she walked past with her coal.

"Good morning to you Mr. Bemis, and a Happy Hogswatch," called Jutta. She met Lancaster Bemis at the last stop when she ran for coal. He was a brakeman on the train, he had to climb on top of the freight cars to tighten down the brake wheels when the engineer called for brakes. He was missing fingers because the couplers between the cars were so dangerous to operate.

"Happy Hogswatch," he called. Shortly after, the engineer blew two short crows on the whistle, the signal for brakes up and Conductor Stoat began to bellow "BOARD!" and he herded the passengers back on to the train. It was still a fairly full train, not as crowded as the first few stops, but if the diner and parlor emptied into the coaches, there'd be few empty seats.

Catrin and Jutta cranked the brake wheels on their cars and soon the train began to move. Heading downhill, it followed a narrow ledge that was carved into the solid rock as they made their way down the pass. The locomotive was almost silent as they coasted downhill.

Soon, the trip was not as serene as the first mile of descent on Sky Dancer Pass. The grade began to get steeper and the heavy train picked up speed as gravity pulled it downhill toward the sharp curves and narrow ledges ahead. The engineer on #24 whistled desperately for brakes. The locomotive brake alone wasn't going to hold back this heavy train. The brakemen "decorated" the train in the driving snow, up on top of the twelve box cars three brakemen clung to their brake wheels, cranking them down tightly then running along the roof walk to the next car where the brake wheel waits for them. On the vestibules, Jutta and Catrin turned down their brake wheels with freezing fingers, the wind cutting through their light shawls.

The Ramtop Challenger shot out across the Amala Creek Canyon Trestle, over two hundred feet high, made of lumber and prayers. The wind came roaring up Amala Creek Canyon, blowing broadside on the train, driving the wet snow into the brakemen's eyes and rocking the cars. Having cranked down their brake wheels, Jutta and Catrin huddled around the parlor heaters in their cars while thoughtful passengers helped them urge a few more degrees of warmth out of the tiny stoves.

When the train headed out into the flat mountain meadows marking the end of Sky Dancer Pass, the engineer whistled to release the brakes, and the men on the box cars found themselves one man short, Lancaster Bemis could not be found anywhere on the train.

Lancaster Bemis was standing at the bottom of the Amala Creek Canyon looking at a person shaped hole in the snow. "Poor old guy, do ya think he suffered?"

Next to him a skeletal figure in a black shroud swung his scythe and severed the blue glowing line between the hole in the snow and the spirit of Lancaster Bemis. "YOU DIDN'T FEEL A THING" said the anthropomorphic personification of Death as he folded up his scythe. He truly hates working on a holiday.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

Partridge Cottage, Creel Springs, Lancre

"Yes, I have to go back to work," said Nick as he put his lunch dishes in the sink and kissed a sad Hollie. "I'm almost done and will be home for supper. Why don't you get dressed and maybe Marlon will let you ride Bongo?

Hollie lit up, "Can I, can I, can I please? Please?" she begged her older brother.

"Ok," sighed Marlon. Actually watching Hollie ride Bongo is fun. They're just about the right size for each other, a tiny girl on a tiny donkey. They dressed in their snowy day clothes and headed outside in the snow and Marlon walked into the barn and proudly led Bongo out. Bongo normally carries packs for camping, lunches for picnics and tackle boxes for fishing, and occasionally Annette Preston, but today Marlon threw a blanket on him and Nick lifted Holly in place.

As they walked down the hill, Marlon asked his father, "What did you do for Hogswatch eve when you were a kid?"

The right answer was "beg for food," but Nick didn't want to say that. In fact, he didn't want to think about it ever again, and he couldn't talk about it with Hollie hanging on his every word. She sat smiling on her tiny mount, waiting to hear the answer. "I'd get with the guys and we'd play, usually stick ball or conkers. We didn't have snow in the city. It was usually cold and rainy." Those games are something they would do if they had the chance, but the primary job of an abandoned child was to beg for food or pennies.

As they got down to the bookstore, they saw Mr. and Mrs. Metsker in their sleigh getting ready to head up to Lancre Town to spend the Holiday with their son and his wife. "Have a safe trip, Trei," Nick called. "See you at the palace tomorrow?"

"We'd never miss a chance to see you in your costume," laughed the blacksmith and they were off.

"Ok you two," Nick pulled two sticks of penny candy out of his pocket, "I have to finish this work. You guys head back and I'll be up when I'm done, ok?"

"Ok," the kids said reluctantly, but they took the candy bribe and headed back up the mountain. Meanwhile, Nick ducked back into the bookstore. The battle of the budget was almost over.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

2:00 PM. Hot Dang, Lancre

The Ramtops Challenger rolled into Hot Dang thirteen minutes early and all who witnessed that feat agreed that it was a Hogswatch miracle. The Ramtops Challenger is normally one or two hours late so people who were expecting family to pick them up at the station will have to walk over to Gunnar's Café where their ride is tucking into a late lunch. People piled off the train headed for home in the nearby community and the train waited for the day coach from Lancre to pull up with passengers for the outbound train to Ankh-Morpork.

Jutta and Catrin hopped off the train and the ground that wasn't moving felt strange. It took a few steps to get used to a solid disc. The train rocked and rolled them for the past nine hours as they walked up and down the aisles for the entire trip. They were hungry, tired, and freezing, and they spent most of the mountain passage out on the vestibules cranking the brake wheels back and forth. They just wanted to get to Lancre Town and see the Duke of Wægn.

"Good woik girls," growled Ergi Stoat, "you're naturals, here you go," and he handed each woman a shiny new ten-dollar coin.

"What is this?" said Jutta, her jaw trembling.

"Your wages, and you earned every cent!"

"Wha...?" her eyes started to tear up. This can't be true. "We were promised thirty-seven dollars..."

"I told you dat da coal wasn't free," grinned Ergi as he lit a home rolled.

That did it for Catrin. She's been slapped, she's been hit, beaten, raped, she's even had her son taken away... It Ends Today. "THIEF!" she shrieked, "THIEF!!!" she pointed at Ergi and screamed, "HE STOLE OUR PAY ON HOGSWATCH EVE!!!" The crowded platform suddenly stopped and everyone turned to look at the ruckus, the little matron that they fell in love with was in trouble! The crowd started to close in and demand answers.

A railroad cop in breastplate and helmet and carrying a truncheon along with a not very intelligent-looking partner struggled through the crowd and said, "Now how may I help ye ma'am? I'm Sergeant Carl and this is me partner Bobby Bones. We're with the Railway Watch."

Catrin was fuming, "We were promised thirty-seven dollars each to work as train matrons... we did the work and we worked the brakes all the way from Ankh-Morpork. We were promised thirty-seven dollars, but he only gave us ten dollars. He stole twenty-seven dollars from each of us." The crowd started to rumble in anger. Calls for a public caning rose, this was going to get ugly.

Turning to Jutta he asked, "Is this true, ma'am?"

Jutta, usually the strong one when women gathered, merely whimpered "yes sir." The angry crowd terrified her, even though they were on her side.

The sergeant glared at the conductor with hatred in his eyes. He hated lazy slobs that preyed on the weak. "Pay the women, Stoat, before I let me truncheon do the talkin' this Hogswatch Eve."

Grumbling, the conductor dug out fifty-four dollars for the women to split between them. "Are you happy now?" demanded Ergi.

"Maybe..."

"What does a brakeman make?" Bobby asked out of the blue, "Probably more than a matron." He's actually a lot smarter than he looks.

"If it pleases your curiosity, dey make de exact same amount!" shouted Stoat with a smirk. Railway Watch cops think they're so smart...

"Thank you for mentioning that" said Sergeant Carl with a nod. He slapped his truncheon into his hand with a resounding crack. "Ma'am, at any time did anyone on this railroad instruct you to actuate the brake wheel during normal operations of the train, IE not in an emergency."

"Yes, almost every stop, every steep downgrade," said Jutta.

Carl poked Ergi Stoat in the gut with his truncheon. "You put these sweet women travelin' on a holiday out on those icy vestibules turning the brake wheels... where's your son and your no-good son-in-law, the real brakemen?"

"I don't have to..." Ergi was about to storm away, but Sgt. Carl and Patrolman Bones both placed the tips of their truncheons under Ergi's chin.

"I DO have to mention to the Brakemen's Guild that persons were employed to operate the brakes but were not compensated for their work as a Brakeman," hissed Sgt. Carl. "It's not me. It's the Brakeman's Guild that you're going to have to worry about."

Ergi groaned, he's not caught like this very often. The Brakeman's Guild was repeatedly, and honestly called the Break Man's Guild for their swift and energetic enforcement of guild rules. Defeated, Ergi began plucking coins out of his purse with trembling fingers then Patrolman Bones said cheerfully, "it would be nice if you rounded it up. It's Hogswatch after all."

The crooked conductor handed Jutta Aldana and Catrin Lenz forty dollars each, and with a trembling goodbye, the women dashed over to the day coach. "How much to Lancre Town?"

The driver looked a bit sad and said, "I apologize. I have seats available from Hot Dang to Creel Springs the halfway point. There are four to pick up at Creel Springs, all paid up, so I can take you as far as Creel Springs and catch you tomorrow." Seeing the disappointment in their eyes he hurried to add, "maybe you can get a ride from a local at Creel Springs. Almost everyone goes to Lancre Town for the Hogswatch Festival."

"We need to find the duke," said Catrin in a tiny voice.

"We got money now, we can get a room," said Jutta. "we're almost there!" She looked at the coachman and opened her purse, "How much to Creel Springs, Sir?"

The coachman looked at the women; it was a seven dollar ticket, but Creel Springs in the winter on Hogswatch eve? The place is a ghost town. "Hop in Ma'am, keep your money, it's Hogswatch."

The women climbed into the coach with a couple that was already making merry and was passing around a flask. "Where are you off to, this snowy afternoon, young ladies?" said the jovial man with the flask. He wore a black suit with a gray waistcoat and a matching gray top hat garnished with holly for the season.

"Lancre town, we need to see the Duke of Wægn, we have business with him," said Jutta as the coach started moving.

"You're going to love him," said the jovial man's wife. "Don't let his age fool you. He's as sharp as a tack!"

"Same with his wife!" laughed the man. "She's quite the looker!"

"Willbert, you stop it."

"I apologize if I drift off," said Jutta, "We worked as matrons on the train and," she chuckled exhausted, "we walked all the way from Ankh-Morpork." Now both Catrin and Jutta had a mental picture of the Duke of Wægn as a smart, happy old man with a smiling elderly wife in fashionable dress. He has to know something about Jutta's daughter... he just has to.

"We saw you on the train. Please relax," said the woman, and that's the last thing Catrin heard as she fell asleep.

Jutta was awoke by a hand gently shaking her shoulder. "This is Creel Springs, you have to get off, ma'am," said the coachman. "I have a full coach from here." Jutta looked around her drowsily and realized that they were stopped in a winter wonderland. The snow was knee deep, and it was still falling. As the new passengers boarded the coach, Jutta and Catrin found themselves standing in front of a closed blacksmith shop looking around at a tiny, closed town as the coach trotted off.

The little village was deadly silent, the falling snow muffled all sound. "Oh no," Catrin groaned, "oh no..." they knocked on the door of the house attached to the blacksmith shop but there was no answer. They walked across the street to the mill but that was closed, then over to the Emporium, a small store, that was closed too, both businesses wished them a Happy Hogswatch with cheerful pasteboard signs. They walked back across the street to the bookstore next to the blacksmith shop, which was closed up as well. The snow was falling so heavily they didn't see the Highway Watch House up the road where they could have gotten a hot cuppa, a warm cot, and an introduction to the Duke. Sadly, they sagged down to the bench in front of the bookstore, ignored the free spring water and wept. "I'm so tired," gasped Catrin.

"I'm so cold," whispered Jutta...

<><><><><>

Back in a corner of the bookstore, the proprietor emerged from his office area where he had been reviewing the finances of the duchy for the past day. "I think that's done," grinned Nick. "This ol' duchy came out better this year than last." He stepped out of his corner where he performed his calligraphy, bookbinding, and bookkeeping and noticed that there were two people sitting on the bench out front. He popped open the door and said, "We're closed, but you can come in and warm up if you'd like. It's not real warm but..." He realized they were women and only one woman looked at him and made a feeble attempt to rise.

Trying to keep the panic out of his voice, Nick sprung outside and said, "don't worry, I know I don't look it but I'm a witch, here in the mountains us witches are nurses so this is my forte." He gently lifted the woman that was moving and carried her into the bookstore and put her in an overstuffed chair near the potbelly stove, then dashed out and brought the second woman in. There was nothing to them, they were skin and bones! He found some old robes and cloth to cover them up with and tried to turn up the crystal heater inside the potbelly stove higher, but it was all the way up. "Fairies? Any fairies here?" Silence. They were all at the cottage. Oh shit, oh shit, Oh SHIT!

The women were pale, shivering, and their heartbeats were weak and fast, a barely noticeable flutter. Nick began to check the women's extremities for signs of frostbite, luckily there was no sign of frostbite, but they were so cold, their body temperature had fallen. The tiny woman with glasses was just at the verge of consciousness she was drifting in and out, the other one slowly opened her eyes and looked at the painting of the infant Octavia in the arms of her orangutan stepfather and said, "a monkey is holding my Corina," then she slipped away again.

In the cottage, Octavia was starting to prepare dinner when her head was hit with a mind bursting shout.

"OCTAVIA!!! YOU AND MARLON HOOK TRIXIE UP TO SOMETHING, I HAVE A PAIR OF WOMEN HERE DYING! I'M ON MY WAY."

It was Nick and he sounded terrified. She's never seen him scared except when a patient is in serious condition, she put down everything and dashed out to the barn.

Marlon heard it, too. In terror, he pulled on his boots and dashed out to the barn without pulling on a coat. The snow was falling faster now, up past his knees as he ran into the barn and eased Trixie out of her stall. "Come on girl, daddy's coming."

"You heard that too?" asked Octavia, as they got Trixie, the sweet horse they got right after Marlon was born. They led her over to the old single bench sleigh and backed her between the traces.

"It was weird. I heard Dad say my name and..." The sound of thundering hoofbeats made them turn and in a cloud of snow a stallion raced up to the barn and just as it stopped, it became Nick.

The father and husband panted from his dash up the mountain, a look of terror on his face. "I stepped out of my corner and I saw two women sitting on the bench outside, unconscious, freezing to death. Get the new room ready, love." His voice caught in his throat and he gasped, "they're dying..."

"You can save them," Octavia said as Nick gave her a nervous kiss. "I know you can."

Marlon finished with the last buckle and stepped back, and Nick shouted, "Come on Trixie, let's go!" he snapped the reins and the sled started to move, but Trixie was not happy being interrupted from a nice dream and didn't put much effort into her pull. Nick smacked Trixie on the rump with the buggy whip and they were off. Stunned that daddy would hit her, Trixie jumped and broke into a gallop. Nick held on tight as Trixie raced down the hill, every leaping step ate up the distance. They covered the mile between the cottage and the bookstore in Trixie's wild flight, her collar of bells jingling madly. Then it was over in a matter of minutes. They slid to a stop at the bookstore door and Nick leaped from the sleigh.

Now the woman with the glasses was conscious. She touched his cheek and whispered "Pommy?" as he scooped her up and he was horrified that she weighed almost nothing. He carefully set her in the sleigh, then dashed back in and brought out the other woman who was a larger woman but in the same shape. He covered the women with a heavy quilt, pulled on his coat and locked the door then he dug the women's meager baggage out of the snow by the bench out front and put that in the sleigh, then cracking the whip they were on the road back to Nana Partridges cottage.

After turning the sleigh around and started heading back home Nick stood up and slapped the reins on Trixie. "Let's go Trixie! Let's ride!" Trixie liked this game and dashed up the hill with all the speed and grace that she had. "Fly Trixie, FLY!" shouted a terrified Nick who trusted Trixie to navigate the hill that she spent her entire life climbing and he checked the woman. They were both unconscious now. "FLY Trixie!"

Finally nearing the cottage he pulled back on the reins and pulled on the drag brake lever. Stopping at the cottage porch, Nick lifted the first woman, the one that called him Pommy, out of the sleigh and carried her into the house back to the new room and laid her on the bed. Both Marlon and Hollie were amazed that there was a new room back behind the stairs. "Wow! Can I have this room when they go?"

"Hush you, go sweep up the snow we tracked in. Hollie, you're supposed to be watching Lou and Loo-Loo."

"They don't even talk!" pouted Hollie. "They're booooring!"

"GO!"

Nick now arrived with the second woman and laid her down on the other bed, worried sick that he didn't get to them in time. "I'll get them tucked in. You go put the horse and sleigh away," said Octavia.

"I'm the witch..." Nick protested.

"GO!"

Nick went outside, released the drag brake, grasped Trixie's bridle and clucked his tongue. Trixie followed his lead, and they parked the sleigh. Then he unbuckled her from the traces and led her back to her warm stable, and fed her an extra scoop of grain, then went back inside to check on his mystery patients. He found that Octavia was caring for both women who were changed into Octavia's warm flannel nightgowns and tucked in under extra quilts. He placed a pan of water with handfuls of dried herbs on the little parlor stove then closed the curtain which closed off the room from the rest of the house and knelt and checked the women, their breathing stabilized and their pulses which were weak and rapid were becoming regular and stronger.

"Leave daddy alone," Octavia had to remind the children, "he's the witch, he's got to keep an eye on the ladies."

"Are they going to be ok mommy? Who are they?"

"They're travelers that almost froze in the snow. We'll find out who they are later. Now let daddy work."

<><><><><>

It was the saddest Hogswatch Eve that Marlon could remember. Hogswatch Eve is for singing and laughter, dad plays his dulcimer and mom plays the autoharp. Instead, he and Hollie spent the afternoon walking on eggshells, trying to be quiet for the ladies. Occasionally Nick would come out and look sad and sit down on the couch and hold Hollie, who was so confused. "I'm sorry, sweetie, but these ladies need help. They spent too much time in the cold and... maybe you can ask the Hogfather to make them better so you can show them your presents tomorrow. That would be fun, wouldn't it?" Hollie nodded her head vigorously. "Get to the table. It's dinnertime."

Nick herded Hollie and Marlon to the table. The twins were already in their chairs and banging their spoons on the table. Soon Octavia and Nick set out bowls of hot ham and bean soup, their traditional Hogswatch Eve dinner, while Gaspode appeared in time to claim rights to the hambone from the soup. A few times during the meal, Nick got up to check on the women and always came back with a concerned look on his face.

After dinner, the family relaxed in front of the fireplace. Nick got out his strumming dulcimer and Octavia got out her autoharp and they began to play Hogswatch carols. Not the newer ones about presents and romance like Gimme You for Hogswatch or Happy, Happy, Hogswatch Time, but the beautiful old ones like The Ivy in the Forest and Let All The Disc Rejoice. With the fairies all singing along and flickering in time with the music, it became a magical evening that drew the family closer together.

Of course they did some "kids" songs, what's Hogswatch without all the family singing along with Tusker The Hogswatch Boar and sharing a bowl of banged grains? {for you round worlders, that's the proper name for what you call popcorn} As they sang The Little Hogswatch Tree Hollie produced the long garland of banged grains that she, her mother and Marlon {begrudgingly} worked on, and hung it on the tree.

It was long past the kid's usual bedtime when Hollie climbed on Nick's lap with the traditional children's book, The Hogfather's First Ride. Octavia propped the twins up with him on the couch and Nick began to read the story of how a lonely farmer/hunter/gatherer became the Hogfather and why he hitches six wild boars to a sleigh and delivers presents to the good boys and girls around the world. When they were done with the book, Marlon and Hollie set out the traditional cup of sherry for the Hogfather and two turnips for his sleigh team, putting their notes to the Hogfather in their stockings above the fire and it was time to go to bed.

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2:00 AM, Partridge Cottage, Creel Springs, Lancre

Jutta woke up and found herself in a warm room that smelled of herbs that reminded her of sunlit summer fields. A lamp on a nightstand showed that Catrin was sleeping in a bed next to her and breathing normally. Jutta needed to use the bathroom but didn't know if one was around, so she got up, stumbled across the room, finding herself dressed in a blue flannel nightgown. She opened a curtain and found herself in a Hogswatch Eve dream. From behind the staircase she saw a small cottage that was decorated with glittering tinsel and garland, glitter covered tree branches and glass ornaments all reflecting the light of several candles. A beautiful dark-haired woman knelt on the floor next to a trapdoor and someone below was passing gifts up to her through the trapdoor. Occasionally she would carry a stack of gifts across the room to a small evergreen decorated with shining ornaments where fairies flittered and glowed, lighting up the tree.

Jutta leaned against the wall and watched a man climb out of the hatch and help arrange presents under the tree. Then he looked up at her and his concerned look broke into a huge grin. Nick dashed over to Jutta and said, "You shouldn't be up. Let's get you back to bed."

"I have to..." she looked like she didn't want to say, but Octavia saved her.

"Come on, it's an outhouse, but it's warm." And she led Jutta to the back door. "What's your name?" Octavia asked. If she couldn't remember her name, she had some problems.

"Jutta," the lady said pronouncing it 'Utah.' "I'm Jutta Aldana and my partner is Catrin Stein."

"Stein?"

While they were out, Nick grabbed two mugs and brought a pitcher of water to the back room where the other woman was waking up.

"I brought water if you're thirsty. We have some wine and we can also make tea or a hot toddy if you would like."

Catrin found her glasses and put them on then she looked at Nick and whispered, "Water would be nice, thank you..." Nick handed her a mug of water and she took a long cool drink, "My dear, I haven't had a drink of water since four this morning." She held the mug out for more.

Nick topped her off and said, "We only have one outhouse. When Octavia gets back, she can take you."

"Thank you," she gasped, "Thank you so much." She took another drink and said, "I'm sorry to be a burden."

"This is my job," grinned Nick. "I'm the local witch," and she looked at him strangely. "In the mountains, the witches are healers. I found you and your friend sitting at our bookstore freezing and brought you home for Hogswatch."

"We were looking for the Duke..."

"Why would you be looking for the Duke?"

Just then Octavia returned with Jutta and sat her down in the bed and gave her a mug of water when she answered Nick's question, "Because the archchancellor told us the Librarian may have told the duke about a child."

The room went silent. Nick and Octavia looked at each other. Like every other couple in the universe, their thinking went in multiple directions, men think of bits and pieces, women think of people and feelings, but on occasion they are in complete mental harmony, as are Nick and Octavia. "Corina?" asked Nick, remembering what she said in the bookstore. When Jutta nodded, Nick led her back to bed and said, "Tell us about Corina."

With a pained look, Jutta repeated the story she recently told to Mustrum Ridcully. "After Corina was born, my husband and I became sick. Every doctor we saw told us we had Zambingo Fever and were going to die. We couldn't find anyone to take Corina because of our illness, so I..." She fought back the tears and said, "I left her at the University library."

Nick felt Octavia tighten up, ready to dash out of the room, so he held her wrist tight. "What happened after that, ma'am?"

"Klatchian slavers dragged Josif and I away that night." She sniffed and set her jaw, then said, "they said they could cure us if we worked for them otherwise they'll just toss us overboard when we died. We woke up in a slave camp in Syrrit working on tobacco plantations.... It was the Klatchian slavers, they had poisoned us and when we collapsed they took us on their slave ship. When we agreed to be their slaves they gave us the antidote." She rolled up her sleeve and showed her tattoo that identified her as a slave. "Josif died last year, and I escaped and made my way back to Ankh-Morpork, where I met Catrin at the university. She was looking for her child, too."

Nick and Octavia looked at Catrin, who sadly nodded. "My husband beat me and chased me off. I found out that he abandoned Pommy near the university and... I don't know..." and she burst into tears.

Octavia sat on Catrin's bed and said softly, "Pommy? Is that his name?"

"His nickname, his real name is longer," Catrin said, fighting back the sobs.

"Pommeraie de la Montesquieu?" asked Octavia.

Catrin nodded. "How did you know?"

"Because Pommeraie de la Montesquieu told me he hates to be called Pommy," said Octavia softly.

Catrin suddenly looked confused and glanced back and forth between Nick and Octavia. "I really do hate it," said Nick as he sat down on the bed next to Catrin. "She calls me Nick, sometimes Porter." He picked up Catrin's slim, icy hand and felt it. He truly felt a connection that runs so much deeper than just witch and patient. "I waited and waited for you," whispered Nick, "then Octavia showed up and offered me a job, we fell in love and we came here and made a home and here you are." His eyes began to fill with tears.

Catrin looked confused. "What are you saying?"

"I'm Pommy Stein... welcome home, mom," and he hugged her as tightly as he dared while they wept huge tears of sorrow for the years they lost.

"Pommy... I'm so sorry Pommy. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger." And somewhere in their tears could be heard the distant glingle glingle glingle of sleigh bells.

Over and over, she begged for forgiveness until Nick said, "Mom, stop. There's nothing to forgive. He would have killed you if you stayed around. All I ever asked for was a chance to hug you again." He leaned forward and gave her a kiss and smiled. "That's it. My dreams are complete. Welcome home, mom."

Octavia and Jutta watched Catrin and Nick tearfully, joyfully reunite and they sighed, then Octavia tapped on Nick's back and whispered, "Are you sure?"

"I'm a witch, I can feel the familial connection, it's part of the job."

"Then help me," she whimpered.

Nick turned to Catrin and said, "Hang on Mom." Then he turned to Jutta and said, "when I perform a wedding ceremony I hold hands with the bride and groom and I can feel any familial relationship. Queen Magrat taught me how to do that, she said I couldn't perform marriages until I learned. Here in the mountains everybody is a cousin to everybody else because we're so isolated. It's a day's journey to find someone who's not closely related. As witch I can feel the familial relationship. Around here there's always a slight familial connection because everyone is a cousin and if you're too close, the wedding is off. I feel no familial connection between Octavia and me, but..." he took Jutta's hand in his and Octavia's hand in the other and felt the connection. "Jutta? I can safely tell you that when you dropped off your infant in the library, the librarian fell madly in love with your little girl. He trained her to be a librarian, and to be a wizard, and he even taught her to move through time."

"What does that mean?" asked Jutta.

"It means that she's very wise," he looked deep into Octavia's eyes, so similar to Jutta's, "and she can make anything happen."

"Do you want to know what else the librarian did?" asked Octavia as she moved close to Jutta. "He gave me in marriage to the sweetest man on the disc." Octavia fell forward and hugged Jutta as Nick said, "Welcome home mom." Somewhere in the distance, the glingle glingle glingle of sleigh bells could be heard but it may have been covered up by Jutta's cry of joy.

For the next few hours, the four adults discussed their lives and got to know each other better. They moved into the kitchen for coffee and talked about their lives as Nick made "pam" cakes for the starving women. Catrin had never been on a farm and couldn't wait to see it. Jutta didn't mind as long as there's no tobacco being grown.

As they spoke they heard a shuffling sound over by the fireplace and glancing over they saw a man emerging from the fireplace. He was dressed all in red with white vermine fur trim and had a long white beard. He brushed off the soot from the chimney and turned to the stockings and quickly reviewed the letters from the children, then drawing small, giftwrapped items from his pack he pushed them into the stockings that hung over the fireplace. Then he opened his large pack, withdrew several giftwrapped items, and placed them under the tree. He then turned and tipped back the sherry and pocketed the turnips.

The four adults watched in shock as a fantasy turned and prepared to leave. They could see his long white locks and unruly white beard as he turned to face them and only now he noticed their presence. "Hogfather?" gasped Octavia.

The fairies fluttered excitedly around the man as he held up a finger shushing her and softly said in a deep Hublandic accent, "Happy Hogswatch my dear Octavia," then he stepped over to the fireplace, winked, and he climbed into the fireplace and was gone.

The four stared at the fireplace in shock, then Nick turned to Octavia and asked, "Did you do that?"

"Not me, I was going to ask if you learned a new trick," she said.

All began to speak softly at the same time, each one asking, "Did you just see what I just saw?"

"Was that really..." asked Jutta.

"We live in a world where fantasy lives with us," said Nick. "I've met Death several times, I knew the Hogfather existed, but I thought he was only visible to children."

"I saw him," said Gaspode who now curled up before the fire. "I had to get out of his way." Then he muttered, "happens every damn year."

"I've met Death, Famine, and War," said Octavia. "Dad used to take me to his weekly Cripple Mister Onion games when I was little."

As the sun began to rise the twins began to squeak. Nick and Octavia looked at each other and slapped a fist into an open hand three times and Octavia's paper covered Nick's rock. "I got Loo-Loo," he sighed, then told his mom, "Stay right here, we have some very special gifts for you," then he and his wife scooted up the stairs.

As they changed diapers on the twins then pulled festive gowns onto the children Octavia said, "You know what? We never explained the librarian to them. Hollie is going to do that for us, I suppose."

"They also came looking for the Duke of Wægn ... I don't think they know. Can we...?" his grin made it clear that he wanted to keep it a secret and play with them.

"Just don't be mean," said Octavia as Marlon and Hollie got antsy and were aching to charge downstairs and see what the Hogfather brought them. "Ok you two, your dad and I are going down first. You follow us, then we'll show you your presents."

"Oh, kaaayyy," Marlon's groan was reminiscent of the prisoner who was given a choice between the rack or the iron maiden.

The stairs were barely wide enough for Nick and Octavia to walk side by side but they blocked Marlon and Hollie from seeing their presents. Catrin and Jutta saw the sleepy twins in Nick and Octavia's arms and their eyes grew huge. Grandchildren! But at the bottom of the stairs Marlon and Hollie stepped out from behind their parents and Octavia started to cry when she said, "Mom, look what I did."

With twin gasps Jutta and Catrin dashed forward and crouched to inspect the little people with a excited sobs and tear-filled eyes. Hollie looked up at Nick, confused, as Nick said, "It looks like the Hogfather found your grandmothers and brought them here. This is Grandma Catrin, my mommy, and this is Grandma Jutta, your mommy's mommy." Way off, far, far away, a temple began ringing its big bells in celebration.

Catrin and Jutta were overwhelmed with "Are you my real grandma?" and "Would you like to trade rooms?" from Marlon, who wanted to move downstairs.

"They don't want to go for their presents, they want to meet their grandmothers," Octavia gasped in amazement as she and Nick sat at the table to watch. The new grandmothers sat side by side on the ancient and most honorable throne of the Agatean empire, each one with a twin on their lap as Hollie and Marlon gave them their full autobiography.

Finally, the brother and sister began to open their gifts, and each one was brought to grandma for inspection. Clothes and toys and candies were opened, even Lou and Loo-Loo had packages with new clothes to open. "I'm sorry we didn't get you anything to unwrap, but you can keep my nightgowns," said Octavia, then she elbowed Nick, "Your son keeps pulling them off of me."

"There was these here," said Catrin as Marlon put several packages in front of them. The tags had their names on them.

"When it says 'From: Hogfather' it really means mom and dad," said Marlon knowingly.

"It may really be the Hogfather this year," said Jutta as she read the exquisite calligraphy on the gift's name tag.

They opened their packages and each received warm sweaters and boots. Jutta looked at Lou the twin on her lap who looked up at her with big brown eyes and said, "I got everything I need," as she tried to hold back the tears.

Soon all the gifts were open and everyone trooped outside to see the new two horse open sleigh that Nick and Octavia purchased to fit their growing family, then the family settled down to talk and eat a late breakfast. "I can't wait to set up my train," said Marlon. He received a clockwork train set for Hogswatch.

"Your grandmothers both worked on the railroad. Maybe they can help," said Octavia.

"Truly?" gasped Marlon.

"Truly," said Grandma Catrin. "We were Coach Matrons and brakemen."

"From Ankh-Morpork over Sky Dancer Pass to Hot Dang," said Grandma Jutta. Marlon's grandmothers were now his heroes.

"Ok, eat up, there's nothing between now and dinner," announced Octavia and as Nick pulled on a jacket she asked, "where are you going?"

"I have to go add two to our dinner reservations."

Catrin and Jutta looked at each other and nodded. Dinner reservations for Hogswatch? These kids are doing quite well for themselves. In Ankh-Morpork, the average family would be lucky to get fish & chips or maybe a curry to go on Hogswatch.

"Ok, be safe," Octavia kissed Nick, and he stepped outside, closed the door, became a falcon, and took off into the clear sky.

When Nick returned an hour later, he found Marlon explaining to his grandmothers how the odd backless couch was "his couch" because "my dad took it from the king of Agatea" and he was born on it in a jungle. Catrin and Jutta laughed at the imagination of the boy until Octavia corrected him, "It was the EMPEROR of Agatea and you were born in a bamboo forest. Besides, it wasn't stolen, because your dad was still emperor, I was still empress, so it was ours."

"He was born in a bamboo forest?" gasped Jutta.

"You were Emperor?" gasped Catrin.

Octavia nodded then placed a hand on Hollie's head, "she was born just up the mountain in a sweet wood grove next to a hot spring, it's so pretty up there, and the twins were born in a garden inside a cave further up on the mountain."

"What's wrong with at home, in a bed like everyone else?" gasped Catrin.

"I have a witch with me everywhere I go," said Octavia. "I don't need to stay home."

"I like the great outdoors," said Nick as he pulled off his jacket.

"Me too," Octavia grinned. "Ok, everything set?"

"Yup, we have an entire table to ourselves, in the usual place. The roads are in good shape. It's almost like a dragon flew over and his wings blew the snow off the road."

"You cleared the snow off the king's road?" Octavia demanded.

"Only on our side of the pass."

"Fine then. Shall we get dressed?"

"Oh, we don't have anything to wear," said Jutta.

"I just brought the one dress," said Catrin.

"Nonsense mom," and with a baby on her hip, Octavia led the grandmothers to their room where each had a fabulous gown waiting in their wardrobe along with a warm winter coat. There are advantages to having a wizard for a daughter. "NO excuses, we leave in an hour!"

"Mom's in that mood again," groaned Marlon.

"She does that," said Hollie, as she followed her brother upstairs.

Within the hour, the family dressed in warm coats, hoods, mittens, and scarves, piled into the large sleigh pulled by Trixie and a new stablemate, Jiffy, and they were off, sleigh bells jingling as they traversed the mile downhill to Creel Springs. Jutta and Catrin, wearing new winter coats, shuddered looking at the tiny town they nearly froze to death in as the sleigh turned and headed out of the village. They stopped at the Watch House as the chief and his wife pulled their sleigh behind them and their daughter dashed forward to give Marlon a Hogswatch kiss, then the little blond hopped in their sleigh and they started to head up into the mountains.

"Mom, this is our daughter-in-law Annette," said Octavia, causing the six-year-old to giggle and Marlon to start blushing. Marlon and Annette have been fast friends since the moment Annette was born.

Hollie was full of entertainment for the trip, telling her grandmother's stories of the mountains and the different birds her dad could turn into {which had both grandmothers laughing so hard their sides hurt} and trying to lead Hogswatch carols. Nick, Marlon, and Annette sat up front, listening to the chatter and laughing at Hollie's antics, while Marlon told Annette all about getting two grandmothers for Hogswatch. Soon they were in the switchbacks, cutting back and forth across the face of the mountain, gaining altitude with every pass and the view down into the valley was incredible. Finally, they stopped at the top of Breeders Peak and looked at the view before them. All the Duchy of Wægn was spread out up and down the valley to their right, all the families getting ready for the first night of the year. This view used to terrify Nick, knowing that he was responsible for everyone below and their wellbeing. Now he's satisfied that it's happening. With a flick of the reins, they began heading down into Lancre Town as the snow resumed.

Big flakes spiraling down from the heavens, gently coming to rest on the trees, branches, and tiny mountain cottages tucked up against the side of the mountain, even on Trixie and Jiffy as they trotted gently along. "This is Lancre Town, the largest town in the kingdom," said Octavia as they crossed the old stone bridge across the Lancre river and passed through the ancient city gate.

To world weary Jutta and Catrin, this was a tiny, tiny town, but it was so beautiful. Every house, every barn, every storefront all built of the gray granite of the local mountains. Every building looked like they were designed by the same man which 1,000 years ago may have been the truth. Now the town was bedecked in its Hogswatch finest, with colored lanterns, glittering garland, evergreen boughs, and crimson ribbons and decorations. Carolers strolled up and down the streets singing joyful carols, small bands played merry tunes as townspeople danced in the street. Ice skaters spiraled in time to the music on the frozen ponds while hockey players impatiently waited their turn. Gaily decorated booths sold hot treats like roasted nuts and pork sausages of all sorts. Jutta and Catrin were overwhelmed by the sheer pleasure of the late afternoon in the small mountain kingdom.

Nick turned the corner and headed up the hill and Catrin saw the enormous edifice ahead and said, "We're going to the castle?"

"Yes mom," said Nick, "your table is waiting." They followed the road that wove up the mountain to the ancient castle. As they neared the castle, traffic came to a standstill, pressed against the left-hand side of the road. Nick just flicked the reins. "Trixie! Jiffy! Let's go!" and passed them on the right. They drew up to the castle and stopped at a side entrance that everyone in Lancre knew was only for the nobility. An enormous crowd had gathered to watch the royals enter the castle.

Footmen assisted the women out while a hostler hopped in the sleigh and took the reins from Nick, who said, "Jiffy, the dapple on the right was recently broken. He can be a bit twitchy."

"Thank you, your grace." And as soon as everyone was out, Trixie and Jiffy were whisked off to the huge stables behind the castle while Octavia and Nick waved to the applauding crowd.

"A lot of people are just here to see what is going on," Octavia told Catrin and Jutta. "Lancre has very few official royal events. The only ones that are sure to happen every year is the Hogswatch dinner, and in six months, the state of the kingdom address. Those events draw a lot of Royal Watchers. The court meets weekly, but it's not all that fancy."

"Not all that fancy meaning what?" asked Jutta.

"Work clothes allowed and sandwiches for lunch... that kind of thing."

Annette and Marlon kissed, and she ran off to join her parents who walked ahead of Nick and Octavia, the Worblehat-Stein family headed into the castle.

"Dear, what is that stick you are carrying? It looks like a gourd was stuck on the end."

"This is Virga, my staff, it's my symbol of office as the court wizard." Inside, they gave their heavy overcoats to the gaffer who hung them up. When they got them back, they will have been laundered to spotless perfection. Now Jutta and Catrin could see Nick's outfit with black riding boots, blue breeches, silver waistcoat, bright red jacket with tails, and a sash that was bedecked with medals and ribbons. Octavia was wearing a deep, dark red velvet robe bedecked with stars and moons and it did little to hide her ample cleavage, She put on her matching pointy hat and the "gourd" on the top of her staff opened and became an eyeball which turned to look at Catrin and Jutta. Both Nick and Octavia wore the Lancre Medal of Honor on gold ribbons at their throat.

"So fancy!" gasped Catrin.

"Someone would think you're royalty," said Jutta.

"We're your kids, so you know where we come from," said Nick as he led them into the event.

And now into the great hall with people packed elbow to elbow, meeting, greeting, and spilling drinks on each other. "Archchancellor Ridcully, it's good to see you here."

Ridcully turned and saw the two women that were knocking at his door just days ago. "Madams," as he tipped his pointed hat. "I see the Duke of Wægn hasn't steered you wrong."

"We haven't met him yet," said Catrin, which caused Mustrum to howl and shake with laughter.

"What a strange man," Jutta said as they moved through the crowd. "He's still laughing."

"He wasn't laughing when I was his student," said Octavia and she began pointing out the special decorations that bejeweled the great hall. They walked through the public portions of the castle, gawking at the decoration and listening to the string octet. The octet struck up a merry holiday waltz and Nick and Marlon bowed to dance with Jutta and Catrin. They danced a little bit but it was all too amazing for Catrin, who thanked her son and stepped aside and Nick took Octavia's hand and they began to whirl around the dance floor. Marlon turned and there was Annette and they began to waltz, a bit stiffly, but they have a lifetime ahead of them to learn.

The dancing continued until a footman walked through the crowd with a small gong. The ringing note was telling the dinner guests to head toward the main hall. Catrin noticed that everyone was calling her Pommy "Sir Pommeraie," and Octavia was addressed as "Lady Octavia," or they were met with "Your Grace."

"They're so polite!" she gushed, then she tugged at her son's elbow, "What aren't you telling us, Pommy?"

Nick and Octavia urged their little party closer to the main hall when just in time the herald called out, "Lord of Health and Safety for the Kingdom of Lancre, his grace, Sir Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Worblehat-Stein, the Duke of Wægn accompanied by the court wizard, her grace, Lady Octavia Worblehat-Stein, Duchess of Wægn." Through the polite applause they were led down to a table in front of the Kings table where the royal family waited.

As Catrin and Jutta got over the shock of hearing that their son and daughter were royalty, the king of Lancre came over to their table and introduced himself to both women, shaking their hands saying, "It is my honor to meet you! Welcome to Lancre, and if you need help with anything, please let me know."

Queen Magrat nodded her head as they shook hands, "You can call my Verence, he can fix anything, he's very handy."

Catrin and Jutta were both stunned and star-struck. They just shook hands with the king and queen! "You'll see more of them this summer. They come out on hot days and go swimming," said Octavia while Nick was in conversation with someone else.

"The king swimming in your pond?" gasped Jutta.

"Aww, he doesn't swim. He sits next to the creek and lets Gula spray him," said Marlon.

Several men stopped at the table to talk to Nick and he looked like he wasn't enjoying it.

"You don't look comfortable, Pommy. Are you ok?"

Nick chuckled. She's only been a part of his life for 24 hours and she's already starting to fret. "Those fellows wanted to talk business, and I had to tell them to save it for next week. This is a holiday and I'm spending it with my mom. Mom, all this frippery and gewgaws, this isn't me. I'd rather be in my bookstore teaching someone to read, or back in the woods hunting or cutting firewood. We're only here because the king asked us personally... and we like to look at the decorations."

Finally, after the kings welcome and a chant by the local temple monks the food came out, beef chowder with horseradish broth, followed by roast pork, pork belly, pickled trotters, roast venison, roast quail, and multitudes of carrots of all colors, turnips, winter greens and brussels sprouts followed by plum and thyme custard tarts and baked apples. The meal was exquisite and Octavia tried a taste of everything to see if she could reproduce it at home. Marlon ate everything and Hollie turned her nose up at everything but the quail and carrots. The twins sat in highchairs and made a mess of themselves with the plumb custard tarts.

After dinner ended and before the long boring speeches started the Worblehat-Stein family rose and approached the King and Nick bowed deeply and said, "you majesty, our parents arrived last night and are still worn out from the journey, we beg your leave so we can retire."

King Verence stood and shook Catrin and Jutta's hand again. "Madam, thank you for attending. I insist on luncheon with you next week, I want to hear your adventures." Both women almost swooned that the king touched their hands.

"I will be by the farm on Wednesday with a little something to welcome you to Lancre," said Queen Magrat to both Catrin and Jutta.

"The queen is going to visit US?" gasped Jutta.

"She comes by quite often," said Octavia as she wiped something from Loo-Loo's face. "She teaches Nick herbology."

"Come on, mom," said Nick as he led his family out to the side entrance where Trixie and Jiffy were waiting for them. Somehow, Hollie got a candy apple and was munching it as she walked through the castle and got her hair stuck in it. Overall, it was a fun time, but when they got settled in the new sleigh Nick and Octavia realized they were in trouble.

"Why didn't you tell us you were the duke and duchess!" demanded Catrin.

"You didn't ask," said Nick, which earned him a smack from his mother sitting next to him.

"Archchancellor Ridcully must think we're crazy. We were walking through the palace with the Duke of Wægn and I told the Archchancellor that we didn't find the Duke of Wægn. What must he think!" said Jutta.

"It hasn't been proven that he does think... OW! It's not legal to hit royalty."

"Grandma hit daddy," laughed Hollie.

"And who is that little blondie?" Jutta demanded Marlon.

"We go fishing," he said. Annette was supposed to come over tomorrow so they can go ice fishing on the pond.

"That's a lot of kissing for a fishing buddy," teased Catrin, causing Marlon to blush bright crimson.

It was a beautiful ride that Hogswatch evening, the town was magic at night and everyone's jaw dropped at the beautiful Hogswatch decorations and lights. The Lancre bridge was illuminated with a thousand little lamps and looked amazing. It could be seen the entire ride up the mountain from Lancre Town to the top of Breeders Peak. From the top of the pass they could see fireworks appearing everywhere in the mountains. The little towns and villages were celebrating the first night of the year. However at the peak it was getting hard to follow the road up there, the oil lamps on the front of the sleigh illuminated the road but the wind was blowing the snow and it was hard to see the edge of the road. "Babe, we need Virga," said Nick as he brought the sleigh to a stop.

"Hang on," Octavia planted the base of her walking stick next to her thigh and held it up. The enormous eye opened and illuminated the snowy mountain road. Luckily it wasn't snowing that hard on the way down, so it was a cheerful Hogswatch evening ride home watching fireworks rise over the little mountain villages.

<><><><><>֎<><><><><>

The babies were in their crib, Marlon and Hollie fast asleep in their cozy room, the presents were placed in some semblance of order under the tree and the cottage seemed small and cozy as it once did when the newly in love young wizard and her mate moved in so long ago... the year where they did so much for so many gave way to quiet warm summers on Bear Mountain where they could heal their wounds and begin a family. And now their wandering mothers are here, and they too can begin their cycles of healing.

Sipping tea before a crackling fire, the firelight glinting off the decorations; the fairies fluttering around singing softly as Nick strummed his dulcimer; the peace was overwhelming. "This is the best part of Hogswatch," said Nick, and Octavia heartily agreed.

"Do you always have fairies in your house?" asked Jutta.

"Yeah, I like them," said Nick. "They remind me that not everything is deadly serious."

"My son is a duke," said Catrin. She could not believe that she had just dined with the king. Yesterday she was spinning brake wheels on a rickety old train, today she's sipping tea with her son the duke.

"Mom, this is like honorary royalty. I was given the post for doing something for the king. When Marlon inherits the title, it will be actual royalty, so you're going to have to hang around until then. Then you can really put on some airs."

"We certainly will," said Jutta.

"Keep in mind this cottage is ours for my first, and primary duty, and that is to be the witch to the people of the valley and we love it here." He drew Octavia close, and they kissed, a sight Jutta never thought she'd ever see, her daughter kissing a loving husband. "There's never going to be a fancy big house unless Marlon wants to build one. Maybe you two want to start building it, because you're going to have to be roommates in this house."

"We're happy being roommates. We've been looking for you two for quite a while," said Jutta. "I helped Catrin for weeks, asking questions and handing out fliers, until we got up the gumption to ask the wizards."

Catrin patted Jutta's hand and said, "next time we start with the wizards."

"My daughter is an enchantress," sighed Jutta and she shook her head in amazement, "and a duchess!"

"THE Enchantress," said Nick. "There's only ever been one."

Octavia noticed that the women were holding hands, "Well, if you're staying, then we're going shopping and get you some appropriate clothes, I can't have my mother and my mother-in-law walking around the farm looking like a couple of scarecrows."

Catrin started to get up, and Jutta joined her. "Do you mind if we push the beds together? For warmth."

Nick or Octavia must have looked at them weird, because Catrin said, "We've been living on a tight budget. We could only afford a single bed. You get used to it after a while."

"Yes you do," said Nick, "we'll help." Soon the beds were pushed together and remade, the little parlor stove hissing as the coal burned with a warm orange glow and son and daughter tucked in mother and mother-in-law and Gaspode hopped up and curled up on the foot of the bed.

When the kids left, Jutta turned to Catrin in the dark and said, "Thank you, your courage and strength made this possible." Her voice was cracking with emotion.

"It was your wisdom and your drive that made it all possible," sighed Catrin. They squeezed hands under the covers again and Catrin almost squealed, "I can't believe our beautiful family!"

Jutta turned her face to Catrin and kissed her cheek in the dark. "A million to one shot!"

"It truly was... a Hogswatch day miracle."

After a warmup in the sauna and a shower, Nick and Octavia crept through the dark house. The snow was falling again, promising another foot by sunrise. In their warm bedroom the couple kissed as they crawled under the quilt and Octavia said, "now do you believe in the Hogfather?"

"Pardon? We both saw him!"

"Not that, our mothers meeting up and finding their way here. It's a Hogswatch miracle."

Nick sat up and threw the quilts off as he cried, "Octavia Worblehat-Stein! Shame on you!" and he gave Octavia's bare butt a stinging slap.

"OW! What was that for?"

"That's for giving credit for all your hard work to a fantasy, an anthropomorphic personification of a legend," Nick said as he pulled the quilts back into place.

"What do you mean?" she gasped.

"You found our moms several weeks ago, and you gave them little nudges and left a breadcrumb trail of clues to find us here. You're the most powerful magic user on the disk. You could have brought them here with a wriggle of your cute nose. But it worked beautifully your way. It was a wonderful surprise for all of us, and they were able to keep their pride," he gave his Sourceress wife a passionate kiss.

As their kiss broke Octavia smiled, her dark eyes glittering in the dark room, "they still would have found us."

"You think so? It was a million to one shot," said a confused Nick.

"The first thing dad taught me when I first said I wanted to be a wizard, was that a million to one shot pays off nine times out of ten." When Nick stopped laughing, she finally asked, "what gave me away?"

"Those damn sleigh bells, they work for the kids, but I don't need to hear them when you do a little magic."

Octavia was quiet for a while as she lay with her head on his shoulder. Finally she said, "where's my Hogswatch present?"

"Are you sure?" sighed Nick. "You ask for the same thing every year."

"I want it!"

Nick rolled over, his back to her, and Octavia pulled him close. Spooning in the darkness, Nick whispered, "Happy Hogswatch my love," and gently became a huge, black, Bang Galore tiger. His rumbling purr threatened to shake the house.

Octavia quietly squealed "Kitty!" and cuddled her warm, soft, cuddly 250 lbs. purring kitty as the snow drifted gently past their window. "Happy Hogswatch my dear."

🎄

Thank you so much for reading this far, I have never loved writing anything more than writing this story and I only hope to have done Sir Terry Pratchett proud. If you liked this tale be sure to vote and leave a comment. If you would like to read the full fan fiction adventures of Nick and Octavia they're right here in the Enchantress series.

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* Hanover Winter Song. Words by Richard Hovey (1864-1900)