I'm sorry this took so long to come out, it has been a very painful story to write, but it's also an important one. This story is a tribute to veterans, both those that are among us and those that didn't come back. To those that have a veteran in their lives I say, "Thank you for loving my brother." To my brother and sister veterans, I implore you, keep an eye on each other, do an occasional buddy check on each other, and support those agencies that support us. Most importantly, if the memories build up and threaten to overpower you, find someone who cares and say, "Can we talk?"

If you're a veterans and you can't find someone who can make the time for you, I am always here for you if you need someone to listen. There's a "Send Private Feedback" link at the end of all my stories and a contact tab on my profile, bend my ear all you want. I know what it's like to be trapped by painful memories...

Josh held back those memories for a long time... almost too long...

<hr>

Veronica von Köster overslept for the first time in ages, she was up with Josh last night at midnight, and she had to wake him up again at about two AM. He occasionally had dreams that must scare the hell out of him because he scared the shit out of her with his night terror. Last night was the worst night in a long time. When she woke Josh up at two AM, he was in terror of something, and Veronica was able to get him to relax. At seven AM Josh's work phone rang, waking Veronica, and she was usually up before six. Only a few people ever called Josh's work phone and it wasn't like his boss Mark to call while Josh was on vacation. The caller had a Tampa area code, so Veronica answered Josh's phone, and it was a familiar woman's voice on the other end. "Hi Veronica, is Josh up? He asked me to call at seven AM, but he didn't answer so I called this number."

Josh wasn't in bed and his personal phone was on the nightstand with the ringer shut off. Veronica saw that there were five missed calls, all from the same number with a Tampa area code. Veronica had to get up and search around for him, "Hang on Ellie, he had a rough night last night, I think he got up at four."

"How bad was it?" Ellie asked.

"He was yelling at you about something, I could only make out "Ellie stop." Apparently, you were doing something he didn't like, was he your boss?"

"No, he was the head weapons guy, I was the load master, I just made sure they cleaned up after themselves."

Veronica went from room to room looking for Josh while wearing only a gauzy dressing gown, Josh will be upset when he finds out he missed the show she was putting on with the see through gown. "He was pretty upset about something in his dream... damn, where did he go?" He wasn't anywhere to be found, and she didn't think he'd be outside, the weather was cold and wet, right now a wet sloppy snow was falling, but it was supposed to get up to 45⁰ today.

"That one's the worst," said Ellie. "He needs to talk to you about it."

"Can't you tell me?" Veronica asked. She put the phone on speaker hoping Josh would hear them talking and make an appearance.

"I'm still having trouble with it. When he tells you, you'll understand, believe me." Ellie didn't sound very comfortable. She and Veronica had spoken in the past and she discovered that whenever Ellie or Josh has a bad dream, they call each other. She gives them privacy when they talk on the phone but the snippets of their conversations that she's heard told her that Ellie flew with Josh in the USAF.

Before heading down to the basement, Veronica looked toward the front window and saw a shadow on the front porch. A closer look revealed that sure enough, it was Josh. He was bundled up against the cold in his camouflage field jacket and puffing on a cigar, watching the Friday morning parade head off to work. "I found him, Ellie," she said as she pulled on a large, warm sweater and stepped out onto the porch, "he's outside smoking a cigar without me."

"That's just wrong," exclaimed Ellie.

"We are supposed to be leaving for vacation today and it looks like he started the party without me," complained Veronica as she noticed the half-drank Bloody Mary on the table next to Josh.

"Bounce!" Ellie called out using Josh's last callsign, "Didn't I teach you to treat women better than this?"

"Hey! I am a philogynist," said Josh as Veronica eased her shapely butt into his lap.

"You were last night at least," said Veronica as she handed Josh the phone and took his cigar and drink.

"Tell me about it!" said Ellie, suddenly interested.

Veronica took a puff of Josh's cigar and said, "I could tell her about the time with the strap on dick and the huge rubber dildo."

"That was you with the strap on dick and the huge rubber dildo, I was tied up in a highchair with your panties in my mouth." said Josh referring to the time Veronica's queen beat her in pool for shooting like "a rook."

"You both are going to go to hell for lying to me," laughed Ellie who was convinced they were saying these things to convince her that something strange and sexy happened. "How are you doing darling?"

Josh was a bit embarrassed to admit it, but he told her. "A bit of a rough night, I had that dream again," he turned off the speaker function and held the phone to his ear. Veronica got up and handed him his cigar and walked into the house with his Bloody Mary. He gave her a look that clearly said disapproved and mouthed the words, 'where are you going with my drink?'

"I'll bring you some coffee," she said as she sipped his Bloody Mary. Too much tabasco, too much vodka, in Veronica's world it was perfect. She left Josh to commiserate with a fellow disabled flier and put on some coffee, then she hauled the suitcases down from upstairs and decided what to wear. After laying out her flight wardrobe she went downstairs, poured a cup of coffee for Josh in a thermal mug, and carried it out to the porch. He was still chatting with Ellie and was looking pale, there were beads of sweat on his forehead even in this cold, damp weather. She handed him the coffee and his hand trembled as he took it, he clearly wasn't finished talking with Ellie. She can calm him down, but he's not close to calm yet.

Veronica said, "I'm going to put on my face and finish packing, that's an hour, will you be ready?"

Josh gave her a thumbs up with a shaking hand, then Veronica popped open one side of her cardigan sweater flashing a tit to Josh. The cold air hit her exposed breast and her nipple hardened rock hard in a second. Josh winked at her and blew her a kiss as she went inside.

"Oh, that poor girl," groaned Josh.

"What's wrong?" chided Ellie.

"She thinks I got my shit together," moaned Josh.

Inside the house Veronica leaned against the wall and sighed, her shoulders slumped as she said, "That poor guy." She went upstairs to the bathroom and found her phone and sent a text to Ellie, then she hopped into the shower.

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

An hour later they met Ayato and Julissa Tanaka at The 279 Diner for breakfast. The 279 Diner is east of town where US route 240 intersects with US route 39, some simple math and the name of a diner is born. "Where are you two love birds headed?" asked Julissa. Julissa Tanaka is the embodiment of the term "tough old broad," rumor has it that she was a security cop and met Ayato as he came out of his secured office. She mistook him for a burglar and spent the next three hours frisking him until he proposed. That story is their favorite and they decided that it was entertaining enough to be the truth, so until someone comes up with a better story it will remain the truth. Now they are the owners of Worzils, a little neighborhood bar in the Village of Springville just a few blocks away from Veronica's house.

"We're headed to South Georgia," said Veronica as she practically hopped out of her chair in excitement.

"Ooh, sex-eeee!" grinned Ayato glancing sideways at Josh. "What do you do for a follow-up, a game of 9 Ball at the VFW?"

"The 'merican Legion," muttered Josh into his coffee, "the beer is cheaper there."

"Wherever you go, it's going to be warmer than here," said Julissa. The world outside was engulfed in a murky gray cloud with a frigid drizzle threatening to turn to freezing rain.

"I can't wait," said Veronica, "I haven't been south of Manhattan for two years."

"Gonna see all the sights," said Josh, "Woodies Barbeque in Yulee, the Pig Barbeque in Callihan, Jalen's Barbeque in Folkston, Steffans Diner in Kingsland..."

"I was hoping to see more than a menu," said Veronica as their breakfast orders arrived.

"Are you going to Cumberland Island?" asked Julissa and Josh nodded while he sliced up his eggs.

"What's Cumberland Island?" Veronica asked.

"That's a cool island near... Saint Mary, I think," said Julissa glaring at Josh. "Wild horses are living there, they wander all over the island, there are great beaches, hiking, camping..."

"I used to work there as a kid shoveling horse shit in the campgrounds," said Josh as he spread jelly on his toast.

"Sounds like a great place to visit," said Veronica, who ignored what Josh just said.

"Not with a shovel it ain't."

Julissa reached around and gave Josh a "dope slap" to the back of his head. "Hush you! Stop raining on her parade."

The food at the 279 Diner wasn't fancy, it was simple. They served common dishes which were done well with generous portions at modest prices. It was one of those diners that didn't try to look like a diner from yesteryear, it didn't have to. Nothing changes at the 279, not the decor, not the menu offerings, not the management, not even the selections on the jukebox that still plays 45s, just the prices on the menu and the age of the patrons. They even have a little jukebox at each booth and strategically placed along the lunch counter. Why this place exists is anyone's guess, it's located at the intersection of these two-lane highways outside of the village of Springville surrounded by farms, but it's always been there, and people had always come.

The manager, Janet, stopped by with a pot of coffee and refilling cups. "Hey, Josh, who's the pretty lady?"

"Janet, this is the love of my life, my soulmate, my fiancée, and my landlord, Veronica von Köster. Darling, this is Janet, she runs the place and will kick you out at the sign of any trouble."

As Janet and Veronica shook hands Ayato asked, "Janet, how is it you know people who don't even live here, but you don't know people who've been residents for over four years?"

"I know about Ronnie, she bought the old Dennings place over by the park, just a few houses up Howard Ave from Doc Jarecki. I just wanted an introduction from this lunk." Janet smiled at Veronica, "Don't you worry none honey, your fiancé is the only one I've had to throw out of her for a dozen years."

"Oh?" said Veronica in faux surprise, "what did Mister Gravely do to warrant that honor?" She leaned away from Josh with a practiced look of good-natured shock.

"He and Doc Jarecki came in here a few years ago after a hunt, both had half a snootful and he's carrying five ducks!"

"I gave her one of them," mumbled Josh into his coffee cup.

"That's not the point!" as she pretended to pour coffee on his head. "I guess I should be glad it wasn't turkey season."

"I wouldn't a give you one of them," said Josh as he turned and gave Janet a one-armed hug.

"Where are you two headed off to?" she asked as she put the check down on the table. "The Jarecki's and those little girls were in here this morning, and they mentioned you were flying out today."

Veronica snapped up the check before Ayato could reach it, "We are going south to visit Josh's hometown. I want to see where this "lunk" grew up."

"Oh, you're headed off to Hooterville! Let me know if they have started to install indoor plumbing. You guys have a safe flight," and Janet went on her rounds topping off coffee at the other tables.

Ayato lifted his coffee cup in Josh's direction, "You're not getting any breaks today, are ya?"

"Welcome to my world."

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

Josh and Veronica arrived at the airport long before the scheduled take-off and Josh wasn't comfortable with that arrangement, "I hate sitting forever in an airport," he complained. He's been grouchy and complaining all morning long and he's starting to worry Veronica. Josh is usually a calm and happy man, at work he was competent and appeared to be grouchy, but underneath he was a teddy bear. But ever since they decided to take this trip he's been on edge and those dreams that cause him to shout and panic in his sleep are back.

"Believe me, honey, this flight will be different than any flight you've ever taken," assured Veronica as they stepped off the bus from the parking lot. Everything was different compared to Josh's earlier flights, first, a skycap took a quick look at their tickets and then whisked their baggage away. Inside the terminal, the check-in counters were undermanned and overwhelmed. Josh was ready to do battle with the queue, but Veronica just sweetly said, "this way dear," and lead him straight to the end station of the counter where a woman stood waiting for them. She was wearing a gold blazer as if she had just won the PGA tour.

"Miss von Köster! So good to see you again, where are we heading today?"

"Melony! It's been ages. Just a chance to unwind on the beach," gushed Veronica, "it's the first chance we've had to get away in forever. We're headed to Florida."

"Marco Island? Islamorada? St. George Island?" asked Melony with an envious smile.

"Fort Clinch," said Josh from behind Veronica.

"I love Ft. Clinch!" sighed Melony, "It's the best beach on Amelia Island, and it's not covered with locals. It's probably the five-dollar admission fee that keeps them away." She finished her check-in procedure and handed Veronica and Josh their boarding passes. "How did you find out about Fort Clinch?"

As they turned to leave Josh saluted her with a rolled-up magazine and letting his South Georgia accent have free reign declared, "Ah'm wunna them local fellers. Y'all have a good day, 'hear?"

Veronica whispered, "Honey, be nice. Besides. I thought y'all was plural, you use it for more than one person."

"It is plural," insisted Josh, "like when you're talking out both sides of your mouth." If Veronica was drinking something it would have been an incredible spit take. They continued through the airport and went up to the express line through the TSA. They were green checked, so they just sailed right through after an ID check. "No proctology exam today?" Josh asked.

"Sorry," shrugged the TSA agent.

"That was right neighborly of him," said Josh happily as they made it through TSA with their shoes and belts on and were in the terminal headed toward a gate in record time.

Veronica hushed her suddenly goofy fiancé, "Sssshhhh! Keep it a secret or everybody is going to want to fly first class."

"First class?" Josh went pale, his vision narrowed, and his chest started to hurt. "I can't afford first-class... we shouldn't be throwing money away, not with a wedding coming up." Quickly he started to add up the mortgage on the cabin and all that land, the payments on the house, his payments on the Jeep, her payments on the Navigator, he could sell the jeep and ride with Veronica... they could live in the cabin... he could clear some land and plant crops... He broke out in a cold sweat and started muttering "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit," over and over.

"Baby, baby, baby, stay with me, just a little bit further..." She should have seen this coming, he was in the depths of despondency this morning, then suddenly he was happy as a lark when they sailed through check-in and TSA, then he crashed again. He was riding an emotional rollercoaster that terrified her and was probably tearing Josh apart.

Now he was muttering, "I ain't goin' back, I ain't goin' back..." his head felt like it was full of hornets, his stomach felt like he swallowed a brick, the nightmares of the shattered gunship were pushed back as the nightmares of the filthy shack he grew up in, long repressed, came to the forefront.

"Yes, we're going back," said Veronica, "we're going back to visit, to say goodbye to those memories. Do you hear me?" She knew of his distaste for his upbringing, and he was torn between the idea of raising a child and drowning it in love or avoiding children completely because he was terrified of not being able to overcome his upbringing and becoming his father. Josh was happy that she didn't know any of the details of his childhood other than the fact that they didn't have money.

"I'm sorry, I can't think right now," gasped Josh, "I don't know what is going on... I'm so sorry." Forcing himself to focus he realized that he was clinging to her arm, and they were on an escalator. "Where the hell are we?" The last clear thought he had was stepping on a moving sidewalk, he's never seen an escalator in this section of the terminal.

"We're going to sit down and relax," said Veronica. "There's a lounge up here." Once they stepped off the escalator, she led Josh into a nicely appointed lounge where a neatly dressed young woman served drinks to a few fellow travelers who were seated in comfortable-looking chairs. "You sit here, I'll be right back."

Joshed eased himself into a comfortable chair and looked around. The fellow travelers looked like business executives, they were wearing highly expensive suits and their carry-on luggage probably rivaled his Jeep in cost. Here he sat in a red "Remember Everyone Deployed" t-shirt, cargo pants, a faded field jacket with master sergeant stripes and a hat that showed an AC-130 Gunship. The other travelers gave him a snide look as if to wonder who left the door unguarded and let the riff raff in, then they went back to ignoring him. Veronica soon returned and handed Josh a drink and sat next to him and held her drink up. "To us?" she said expectantly.

"To us," he smiled, overjoyed that his bout of crazy didn't drive her away, and tapped his glass against hers. He glanced at his drink, a clear carbonated beverage containing an ice sphere (totally cool!) and lime (even better) and sipped. It tasted like a liquid pine tree dipped in 180-proof fruit juice. "This is awesome," he whispered with reverence, "what is it?"

Veronica chuckled, "it's a gin and tonic. Haven't you ever had a gin and tonic?"

"I don't drink hard alcohol very often," said Josh, which was true. He rarely strayed from a margarita with Mexican food and the occasional Bloody Mary. "For this, I'll make an exception. This is delicious! It's my new favorite drink."

Veronica could only chuckle, the only hard liquor Josh drank was vodka and it wasn't all that often that he would drink it, he was a lite beer kind of guy. "Really? It's that good?"

"This is Christmas in a glass." He held up the frosted glass and considered it, "There's got to be some way to get lights and ornaments in there."

Veronica cleared her throat, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the upgrade, I wanted it to be a surprise."

"It's a surprise all right," sighed Josh looking into his drink wondering how much it cost. "It's just..." his smile disappeared and he felt himself sliding back into that abyss again, "it's an expense we could have avoided."

"That's what I'm trying to say, it's not an expense. I've got airline points like you couldn't believe." Veronica took his hand gently and kissed it. "When I saw the tickets, I got the upgrade and put it on my points, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, but that's why I insisted on this airline."

"So, the upgrade didn't cost us anything?"

"I'm saying the entire flight isn't costing us anything, and the hotel, I called your cousin and upgraded that too."

"The hotel is free too?" Josh was astonished, how was such a thing possible?

"Uh-huh," Veronica nodded, "totally free, as I said, I got points! Whenever I had to fly anywhere for a photo shoot or a business trip, I made sure I flew the same airline so I could accumulate points, same with hotel and rental cars."

"Car too?"

"Wait until you see what I arranged, you're going to love it," grinned Veronica, then her smile disappeared when she saw Josh trying to fight back tears.

The roller coaster of emotional swings hammered at Josh with an intensity he couldn't believe. He remembered when he was taken off flight status, he felt castrated, but relieved at the same time that there would be nothing to fear ever again. When he was told he would be getting a medical discharge and be sent away early his entire world was torn out from under him, but he was sure that there was no lower than he could ever feel.

He spent the following years feeling nothing, spending what passed for affection on his cabin, his forest, and his job. Then he got that offer from Andalon and met Veronica emotions came back into his life. Mostly it was good, but that night at Worzils where he nearly ruined everything and almost broke up with Veronica was the beginning of a roller coaster that is starting to get out of hand. The relief that this vacation would not be putting him in the poor house came flooding in with such an intensity that he suddenly became nauseous. He suddenly realized that Veronica was shaking him, "Talk to me, it's the only thing that helps."

"I can't, it's silly..."

"It's emotions," said Veronica, "emotions are silly, we can't control them other than talking about how silly they are." She kept forcing him to look her in the eye by nudging his chin, "is it because we're flying?"

Josh thought about it, that could only be it, he's only flown a few times since that night over Buttfuckistan when his whole world changed. Most of the time he got on a plane only because he was drunk enough to drown the memories of his biggest failure... "Yes," he said in a small voice. "I don't understand it, everything is coming at me so hard. I should be happy and grateful that you used your points for everything, I was scared, then I was so suddenly so relieved, and it was so sudden and strong that I couldn't handle it..."

"Effi, look at me, I know the feeling exactly," Veronica's beautiful eyes drilled into his, "I was a young model doing swimwear shoots and I missed a period, and I was terrified of being pregnant, I would have to end it if I wanted to keep modeling, but then I'd see those moms and their kids in the park and they were so beautiful to watch so I didn't know how I could make that decision. I couldn't sleep, I didn't eat, and I almost lost some jobs because I wasn't taking care of myself. When I got my period, I was so relieved I just wanted to laugh, but I'd remember seeing those babies in the park and I wanted to cry because I wasn't going to have one..." She took a deep shaking breath, "You're not alone, and I need you to know that I'm here for you."

Those words were a raft to clutch in a flood, a pillar to lean on in a whirlwind, a roof to shelter under from the rain. The subtle joy of finding a fellow sufferer, the love he always dreamed of finding. They sat, leaning over in their chairs, their foreheads touching, whispering softly. "Do you still want a baby?" he asked.

A sudden thrill ran through her, someone to raise a child with! She saw the hell her father went through to be a single parent, giving up promotions to be able to be home when his girls get back from school, turning down higher paying shifts so he could be home for them. Now that she has a job where her boss will give her the freedom to have a baby, and maybe even help her adopt if it comes to that, and now she has a love, a father to that baby, the equation is complete. "If we start now, we may have a Valentine's baby," whispered Josh.

"Is that what you want to do?" she asked.

"With you? More than anything." Josh swallowed and said, "when we get back, I'll ask Macy for a referral, and I will get my head fixed." Macy was a friend and a psychiatrist but being friends, she couldn't treat him so he planned to ask her for help in finding another doctor who could see him.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

As their noses touched and they gazed into each other's eyes like school kids he said, "for you, anything. For us, everything."

Her heart soared, how was she so blessed to find a man like this? She took a deep breath and asked a question she never thought she'd ever ask someone: "Have you ever had a shower in an airport?"

"Kind of," he smiled.

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

Josh studied the shift turnover book and verified that all fliers were loaded and armed, there was a bird that was headed into the phase inspection hanger. He saw that the missile launchers, weapons pylons and all ammo was removed from that F-16, and all work orders were closed out. He looked up and saw the two mid-shift load teams looking at him expectantly. "Tools and carts turned in?" No one on the entire off going shift leaves until every tool is turned in and every cart is accounted for. A cart is an explosive device about the size of a shotgun shell that when set off inside the bomb rack the gases it produces opens the rack hooks and an ejector piston shoves the bomb or fuel tank away. The weapons crews carry around a box that contains a set quantity of carts needed for flying F-16s and the crews will return to storage every cart that is not used.

"Yes, and Gold Seven has been cleaned out," said Rasheed Daniels, the senior team chief on Mid Shift who eyed Josh's choice of uniform with suspicion. "What's with the blues? I thought you worked for a living."

Josh was wearing a lightweight office uniform, light blue shirt, dark blue pants, low quarter shoes and a dark blue tie. His shirt was only decorated with his name tag, one ribbon, and a single badge. "Hell, if I know, the leff-tennit said to wear blue, I wear blue. Ok, head on out, and thanks for making this a great year guys."

Staff Sergeant Potts, the junior of the two team chiefs held out his hand, "No, thank you, Josh. It's been an honor."

Josh stood and shook hands with each member of the two teams and joked with them a little bit until Senior Master Sergeant Sammy Johns stuck his head in the office door, "Gee mister, I hate to break up this love fest but Sergeant Gravely, would you mind wiping the lipstick prints off your ass and get the hell out here? Day shift would like your words of wisdom before we start launching."

Josh looked up at the clock, first launch was scheduled for 9:15 AM, the current time was 6:58, he had fifteen minutes to get his folks out on the flight line to cover launches, it's time for Role Call for the day shift. Josh grabbed his clipboard and shook hands one more time with his third shift crews, then followed them out into the common area. Sgt Johns handed the big green briefing book to Josh and said, "It's your turn today, last chance to get it right."

Josh chuckled, "You're a fuck, you know that?"

Sammy blew him a kiss and said, "You're going to miss that too." The two sergeants bumped fists and Josh headed out to the day room, the wide-open area where the bomb loaders, mechanics, and crew chiefs waited for their work assignments at the start of the shift and completed their paperwork at the end of the shift.

Shaking his head and chuckling Josh stepped up to the front of the room and yelled, "Gold weapons! Line up for roll call!" Rather than straggle into formation, the weapons troops lined up quickly in team order, team chiefs at the head of the line, their number two man behind them, and the number three man at the end of the line. Luckily there were only two load crews that were missing a "body," and both were on sick call.

Josh gave the mandatory daily safety briefing, read out the training that was due, and then made an announcement, "there is a big push today, little rocket man lit off another bottle rocket so we're going to show him that the southern end of this peninsula is ready to play. We're going to fly 12, turn 10, turn 6, turn 2. The first go is at oh nine one five. The thirty-fifth is going to match us in fliers, so that's sixty missions outta the Kun on short notice. That's a lot of work, but we're up for it, you guys have shown us that you're more than capable to do whatever it takes to complete the mission."

He started to choke up a bit then said, "I want to thank you all for your hard work, it's been a busy, back-breaking year and you guys stepped up and you did the job right. I know it's tempting to say, "Screw it, I'm only here one year," but you did the job right, the first time, every time. I know you still have a few more months before you head back stateside, but as for me," he looked around then grinned and shouted at the top of his lungs, "SHORT!" Traditionally an airman overseas will yell "FIGMO!" (fuck it, got my orders) when he gets his assignment to his next base, and he yells "SHORT" when his tour of duty is over, "short" meaning he'll be stateside in a short period of time.

The entire weapons flight responded in the age-old traditional retort to the cry of short, "Shut the fuck up!"

With that, he handed the briefing over to Technical Sergeant Skip Humphries, his lead expeditor. There were two expeditors that ran the weapons activities on the flight line, each one oversaw half of the airplanes in the squadron and each expediter would have half of the available load crews to perform whatever work needed to be done. They were going to fly 12 of their 18 planes, after that mission they were going to fly 10, then 6, then 2 for a total of 30 sorties. This was a big push for the squadron, but they could manage it, the planes were in good shape and Josh was adamant about the load teams being able to respond to any weapons-related contingencies. He stepped back and as he listened to the expeditors brief their crews Second Lieutenant Kenosha, wearing his dress blues, stepped up to Josh and said, "You're only wearing one ribbon Sergeant Gravely?"

Josh looked at the lieutenant like he just stepped on something smelly. The lieutenant didn't make his remark quietly, in fact he was speaking in a normal tone of voice which interrupted Skip's maintenance briefing. Very quietly Josh said, "Air Force Suggestion 36-2903 clearly states that some, none, or all ribbons, and up to four badges can be worn on my service uniform. What is the problem Second Lieutenant Kenosha?"

Josh was wearing his small arms marksmanship ribbon awarded for scoring marksman on the M-16 rifle and his Aircraft Maintenance badge. His uniform was neat and orderly, badge, ribbon and name tag aligned properly, tie straight and clipped. He looked at the Lieutenant's four ribbons and his aircraft maintenance badge. A maintenance badge on a second lieutenant? This has to be a joke. One of Josh's airmen weaseled his way into a half day off by telling Lieutenant Kenosha that he had to take the hammer from his tool kit to equipment maintenance for sharpening and ended up having a leisurely hot lunch at the Rec Center.

"I sent a directive stating that you were to wear your dress blues sergeant." Lieutenant Kenosha spoke loud enough to be heard throughout the building and said "sergeant" with enough disdain to piss off every enlisted man and woman in the weapons flight. The briefing came to a halt and they all stared at the lieutenant in shock, Josh was their man; his dedication to the mission and the men and women under his direction whipped this unit into warfighting capability. No one talks to MSgt Gravely like that.

Josh pulled an email he printed from the binder he was holding, "Maybe you should send another 'directive' requesting an editor lieutenant. There was nothing in this email that mentions which set of blues to wear, it just said "service uniform" which is exactly what I am wearing now, it says nothing about the "Dress Service Uniform." He handed Lt. Kenosha the email then turned on his heel and stepped into the weapons flight office.

Lt. Kenosha followed right behind Josh into the office but when he stepped into the office Josh was waiting. He was pulling on his blouse, the ribbon, and badge-covered jacket that would stun Veronica in a few years. There was no way in his young life that Lt Kenosha could have picked a worse day to flex his puny little "butter bar." Josh just said goodbye to the greatest men and women in the military and now he was being sent off to oblivion; he was not happy. Josh whirled on the lieutenant and pointed an angry finger at him, the finger was just inches from the lieutenant's face. "If you ever speak to me like that in front of my men ever again, for any reason at all, I will knock your stupid ass out. You never speak to a subordinate like that in front of his co-workers, officer or enlisted, and if I ever hear that you did for the weeks remaining of your career, I will hunt your ass down and I will Fuck You Up. Do you copy lieutenant?"

"Sergeant, what gives you the right to..."

"This does," and Josh pointed to a ribbon on his blues jacket, a purple ribbon trimmed with white at each end with a bronze oak leaf showing that Josh has received two purple heart medals for being injured while in combat with enemy forces. "This gives me the right to prevent every man and woman in that day room from ever having to wear one, and if that means protecting them from arrogant, incompetent buffoons like you, then so be it. Now go cry to daddy that you just got spanked..."

Lieutenant looked at Josh in shock, no one had ever spoken to him like that in his entire privileged life. When he didn't move, Josh continued, "Git the fuck outta here, go tell Colonel Getz what I just said, I fucking dare you."

Lieutenant Kenosha opened his mouth to speak, but Josh treated him like a stubborn little boy. "Git the fuck out of my office! Go!" The lieutenant whirled and left bristling in anger. Josh just shook his head and turned to a mirror on the wall and adjusted his tie. He heard the door open and close, and he heard a familiar voice say, "Honest to God Josh, would you please leave my poor stupid lieutenants alone?"

Without turning, Josh said, "I'm sorry that you had to hear that sir."

"I heard every word, and so did all of your bomb loaders. You know, you scorched the few hairs that boy had on his ass, and if this wasn't your last day, I'd have to fry you."

"Good, at least I'm leaving a good impression when I go. Maybe he learned something." Josh turned around to see Lieutenant Colonel Raleigh, the squadron commander of the 80th Fighter Squadron in his dress blues leaning against the door.

"Damn son! You clean up nice." Colonel Raleigh was a southern boy like Josh, he hailed from the "ass-end of Alabama." Josh was his weapons guy, he learned after dozens of combat missions over deserts best forgotten that you don't piss off the weapons guys if you want to fight a war properly. He saw the wings on that bomb loader's uniform and that could only mean one thing - Josh was a gunship crew member. "Damn it Gravely, why did you have to go and bust yourself up so bad? I could have used you for another tour."

Here in the 8th Fighter wing, the tour of duty was one year, and Josh was lucky to make it the full year, after a medical board in some hidden office building reviewed his records, they voted him "off the island." As soon as his tour in Korea was over, so was his tour in the USAF. His orders to Barksdale AFB where he wanted to get back on B-52s, were canceled and he was being sent to Moody AFB in Valdosta Georgia for out processing.

"I think Lieutenant Kenosha had ribbon envy," said Josh tapping his rows of ribbons. "When he saw my rack, his eyes bugged out like a cartoon."

"You do have a nice rack airman," grinned LTC Raleigh. He said it in a way that intentionally sounded dirty. The rack they are talking about is the device that holds the ribbons in nice, neat rows on the uniform. "Got any more you're not showing?" In answer, Josh pulled two more rows of ribbons out of his pocket. These were ribbons earned on classified missions that he wasn't allowed to display. "Damn," muttered LTC Raleigh, "I'm flying the wrong airplane." By nature, fighter jocks are glory hounds, as well as they should be, but they never consider a plane as big and slow as a C-130 to be some kind of war machine. But if you slap a half dozen guns on it and you now have a flying artillery piece that just attracts trouble. And ribbons.

SMSgt Sammy Johns knocked on the door and announced, "the commander is here." Sammy was also impressed by the rows of ribbons on Josh's uniform. By commander, Sammy meant Colonel Getz, the wing commander, the guy who ran the entire show on the entire base: both fighter squadrons and all support units.

Josh stepped out of the office along with Lieutenant Colonel Raleigh and walked over to where the men and woman of the weapons load shop were still formed up, but the room was getting full now. All the specialists were there, these are the folks who did specialized work on the planes like instruments and radar, as were many crew chiefs who weren't actively getting the first 12 off the ground. Even pilots who were not involved in the first launch were there, and all were shocked at seeing the number of ribbons that Josh was wearing. One pilot, a friend of Josh's came up close to see what a purple heart looked like on a man that was still living. The name tag on his flight suit showed that his call sign was Screwball, and the young captain lived up to that call sign.

There was a ceremony where Colonel Getz called Josh a member of the "Ghost Riders" and spoke of the fact that the Air Force gunships were named for types of ghosts since the days when a pre-WWII vintage C-47 Dakota cargo plane was fitted with four small Gatling guns and some leftover parts from an F-4 Phantom to help with aiming and the gunship Spooky was born and became a terror in the night skies over South Vietnam. Josh was handed a plaque for his year as the Assistant NCOIC (Non-Commissioned Officer in Charge) of the Weapons Flight, a plaque for his years of service in the USAF, and one from the gang, the sergeants and airmen of the weapon's flight who he coached and guided to an Outstanding Weapons Flight PACAF award for the first time in decades. They nicknamed Josh The Shadow because he would show up on the flight line to inspect his troops and the airplanes, he always popped up out of nowhere. He always briefed them after they were done working, always congratulating for a job well done and urging those who fell short to do better.

Then Colonel Getz hung a Meritorious Service Medal for his eighteen years of service on Josh's uniform, and it was over. As he was in the office changing out of his blues into his camouflage uniform Sammy came in and said, "I'm sorry it ended like this, Josh, it's not like you're 80 pounds overweight and can't jog a dozen yards."

Josh shrugged; he knew it was over shortly after he got to Kunsan. He was diverted here due to a manning shortage and reenlisted to take the assignment, and he fell in love with the place at once. He requested a follow-on assignment to remain in Korea for a second year immediately and the request was approved, then placed on hold, then a week later denied. Then he requested a follow-on assignment to Barksdale AFB in Louisiana and it was approved, then placed on hold, then denied. He was called up to Osan AB near Seoul and given a medical examination, then a month later was told by Colonel Getz the bad news, he was going home.

"I don't have a home," said Josh, "this is my home." His wife was dead to him, she only talks to him to beg for money, his folks were long dead, his sister was addicted to crack or meth, or maybe both, she doesn't care about anyone that's not bringing her drugs.

Colonel Getz was just as angry as Josh; how can they do this to a fucking hero? This is something that they never trained him to deal with, the utter inhumanity of the system was heartbreaking. They ask these kids to do the impossible, and when they do it, they kick them out on the streets and slowly whittle away at their promised benefits until they're left with nothing. "Fucking politicians," growled Col. Getz six months ago. "Look, it may not be much, but my former exec is running admissions for a technical college, for a disabled vet the cost is minimal, with your GI Bill you can make money on the deal. I can get you in, but here's the bad news, it's in Buffalo."

Josh told this to Sammy as he finished lacing up his boots. "You're going to Buffalo?" laughed Sammy, "Oh man, it really sucks to be you." Sammy put Josh's plaques and medal in his backpack and held the backpack open. "They're waiting for you."

"Oh shit," muttered Josh, there was one more ceremony left before he could go. He took everything out of his pockets including his wallet, and placed all of it in his backpack, he took his shirt and boots off also. "Let's get this done." Wearing just his camouflage trousers, squadron tshirt and socks he stepped out of the protective shelter that's used as the maintenance offices for the 80th fighter squadron, the Juvats. There was an entire crowd that was at his ceremony standing out there waiting for him, all wearing huge grins. They had an old grey metal office chair and several rolls of duct tape, and a fire truck.

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

"A fire truck?" laughed Veronica.

"Yeah, one of the big crash response trucks, it was just sitting out there waiting for me, with Colonel Getz and Colonel Raleigh leaning on the bumper."

Veronica's eyes were wide with excitement, "So, what happened?"

"They grabbed me, put me in the chair, and used an entire roll of duct tape to tie me to it, then they pulled a reel hose off the fire truck and hosed me down for about an hour." He rolled his eyes up at the memory of his final "washdown." It only lasted 10 minutes at the most, but the water was ice cold, and it wasn't very warm outside that morning.

"Why did they do that?

"Tradition," said Josh. "The Air Force isn't very old, and they did away with a lot of the traditions that came out of the Army, one of the dumbest ideas a collection of officers could come up with. So a lot of the goofy things that happened in Vietnam become a tradition. The washdown after your final mission quickly became a washdown before going to a new assignment. It's a way of saying goodbye."

"How did you dry off? Did you go back to your room?"

"No, they set me in that chair next to the taxiway and left me there and all the planes taxied right past me on their way to the runway. I got a Juvat salute from every plane that passed by." He looked deep into his drink hoping to find an answer as to why his head was so messed up. The gin said, "Come on in! I'll make your cares go away." Then it whispered, "remember what I did for your father?"

"Finish your drink, let's go freshen up," she smiled then finished with a kiss.

"I'm done," he said as he finished the drink in one long gulp. "That was really tasty." He didn't forget that his folks drank themselves to death on hard liquor, but he tried. He saw the look of concern on her face and said, "it just gets worse the more you learn, doesn't it."

"I actually knew your parents were alcoholics," Veronica took his hand in hers and held it gently, "Anthony told me. I understand, my mother was an alcoholic also."

He wanted to say that his folks weren't alcoholics they were just plain drunks, they drank whatever they could afford and when there was no money, there was no booze. His sister taught him that whenever a bottle of whiskey appeared on the table, it was payday at the paper mill where daddy worked and Josh vowed that if he ever had kids, he'd teach them a better way to tell time.

Veronica coached Josh to his feet, "come on, and bring your carryon." She led Josh down a hallway filled with similar-looking doors until she reached the end, took the last door down the hallway, and opened the door. Inside was a neat washroom with a vanity, plenty of towels, and soap, the room had a toilet and a shower.

"What is this?" asked Josh. The room wasn't elegant, but it wasn't a truck stop washroom either, but it was nice.

"It's one of the amenities you get when you purchase a first-class ticket on this airline," she said as she started to pull Josh's field jacket off his shoulders.

"Did you fly first class a lot?"

"Not at first, but as I started getting bigger jobs I insisted on it," Veronica adjusted the shower and started taking her clothes off. "You get an insane number of points flying first class, if we stick to coach, we can fly for ages on my points," she smiled, "but this is an occasion, our first vacation together."

Josh's stomach suddenly felt like he swallowed a rock, she's right, it is an occasion, it should be joyful, but he's ruining it. He sat and slowly took his shoes off while Veronica undressed. Watching her undress always cheered him up and he concentrated on her small, athletic, yet completely delightful ass. "God I love this woman!" he thought, "but how can she love me? I'm so fucked in the head, I don't deserve this, any of this..."

When she undressed, she eased under the shower. "There's something about being naked in a public building," she said with a saucy smile. "You get used to it when you're modeling and changing clothes constantly, but I still find it kind of sexy."

Josh got up and checked the lock on the door, it was rotated to show "Occupied," and he returned to undressing. "This is truly different," he said. "Do you use these showers much?"

"All the time when I was modeling, I practically lived in airports before I retired from the game." She got tired of waiting for Josh, "Come on in Ghost Rider, the water is fine." She reached out and grabbed his arm and playfully tugged him under the warm flow.

"Nica... I can't... not with all this going on in my head." No matter how beautiful Veronica is, not today. There was nothing she could do to get him to ignore the shrieking cacophony of memories and emotions, and lucky for Josh, that's not what she had in mind.

"Come here Effi... hold me." She finally coaxed him into the shower, and it felt nice, he felt comforted. It felt so comforting to hold his lover under the spray of warm soothing water. The demons of his past didn't go away, but they shut up to some extent. Josh and Veronica clung to each other under the warm, soothing spray of water, the warmth of her love easing away the horrors of the past.

How many times has Josh done this for her? When the initial rush of their relationship mellowed, the old horrors of her past came roaring back and she clung to Josh like a drowning woman clutching a life preserver, now she stepped up to return the favor. She felt Josh relaxing and he started to return the little kisses. "What were you thinking of?" she asked.

He paused for a long time as the water ran over their bodies. "Sitting in my room alone, waiting to leave it all behind..."

For a week Master Sergeant Ephraim J. Gravely sat in his room on Kunsan Air Base, all that remained in his room was a laundry basket, his suitcase, and a garment bag with his service dress uniform. His personal belongings were picked up long ago. He would get up every morning and head out to complete the mind-numbing task of out processing, where you visit dozens of offices around the base. Some offices had something for you like a set of records to carry to your next assignment, or you needed to turn something in, like your protective gear such as the flack vest, helmet, and gas mask. Or you need to verify information like your NCO club account was up to date. Mostly the offices just initialed your checklist, made a mark on a list of their own to strike you from their data base later, and sent you on your way.

He made one trip off base, first to a small restaurant that he frequented and had their daeji bulgogi (Korean BBQ pork) with sticky rice and a small serving of "Summer Kimchi" (unfermented kimchi) knowing that he'll never have a dish that delectable again. Then he took the bus downtown to the city of Gunsan, to the shopping district where custom made jackets and hats were made for the airmen from the 8th Fighter Wing.

That's where the airmen got their "tour jackets," a jacket with the snarling wolfs head symbol of the 8th Fighter Wing "Wolf Pack" emblazoned with the month and year of arrival and departure boldly displayed on the back. Josh got his customized on the front with the 80th Fighter Squadron symbol of the New Guinea headhunter with the word "Juvat" (Latin for Bold) was embroidered on the left breast, the right breast was embroidered his nickname "The Shadow" and under that an evil looking ghost holding a "flaming piss pot." That was a sphere with a flame coming out of the top, it was the oldest herald in the US military, the ancient symbol of an ancient grenade, the symbol of the ancient grenadiers which became the symbol of ordinance men in all branches of the service. He has met torpedo men from a ballistic submarine wearing the flaming pisspot.

He put on the jacket remembering the jacket he previously had made, a jacket with an AC-130 on the back emblazoned with the title "Ghost Rider Zero Four" and on the front the symbol of the 73rd Special Operations Squadron, a giant eagle sitting on a globe, one wing raised in defiance and the motto "Without Fail." The right breast had his callsign "Bounce 27" embroidered on it under the specter of death riding a horse carrying same flaming piss pot. He also got one for Ellie, the only difference was her callsign, "Hellinore," and her ghost wasn't carrying the flaming piss pot.

He then stopped at a coffee shop where he often frequented and spoke with Korean college students who came there to practice their English, but no students were there that day, the shop was nearly empty, so he got to speak with the waitresses while he drank his coffee and ate Korean buns filled with sweet bean paste. Then it was back to the base and the empty room. Before he left, he gave the Korean lady that did the laundry and light cleaning in his room a five-hundred-dollar tip.

He took a bus to Seoul where he boarded a "Freedom Bird" to Seattle, flew from there to Atlanta, then from there he rented a car and drove to Moody AFB where he lived in another empty room. He out processed from the USAF, an exercise in paperwork like what he went through in Kunsan. In a month it was all over, everything that gave his life meaning was taken away. He still remembers the echoes of the main gate slamming closed behind him. It didn't really happen that way, but that's how it felt.

"Thank you," he finally said, the angry hornets in his head finally calmed and he finally realized that she was gently washing him with her soapy hands from behind. "I'm sorry Nica," he said softly, "I ruined everything."

"You didn't ruin anything," sighed Veronica as she hugged him from behind. If he were feeling better, he would have been hard as a rock from the feeling of her soapy breasts on his back. She gently kissed his neck and shoulders. "If anything, you gave me a chance to learn more about the man I adore."

"Really?" He twisted around in her arms and held her tightly. They kissed gently and their eyes met, his eyes were still troubled but the terror she saw was fading. Her eyes were filled with tears, but she wasn't sad, she was ecstatic that her love was finally opening to her and trusting her enough to share his nightmares with her.

"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful week," she sighed, and they kissed long and sweetly.

They emerged from the shower, both were excited and filled with a feeling that their love was renewed. "Ok, you head back to the buffet and see what they have, I'm going to make myself beautiful and be out in a few minutes, ok Effi?"

He gave her a little kiss and then said, "thank you for understanding."

"When you find that shrink, maybe we can go together. Now go!" She started to open her cosmetic case and Josh headed out. As soon as he left Veronica locked the door and took out her phone and texted Ellie.

<kbd>**He told me about his last few days in the USAF, he's still upset that they put him out.**</kbd>

<kbd>**Me too, I was afraid when I got put out.**</kbd>

As Veronica continued to chat with Ellie, Josh went out to the buffet and was delighted to discover that everything was free except premium drinks, but his favorite beverage, Coca Cola was not on that list so he had the biggest Coke he could get. When Veronica emerged from the shower room, she found Josh with a tall glass of Coke and a plate full of sliders reading an in-flight magazine. "Look, we can get a solid brass telescope for looking at the stars out at the cabin!"

"We could get another cabin for that price," smiled Veronica as she took a slider from the plate. Josh went up to the bar and got Veronica a diet Sprite and they sat down together as Josh leafed through the overpriced offerings that he had no use for. "What does it look like in the summer?" she asked, she's only seen the land they spend most weekends on buried in the snow.

Josh took a piece of paper out of his backpack and drew a quick map of the land. "Here's our cabin and garage, the boat house and the dock..."

"What's in the boathouse?"

"There's a rowboat, a canoe, and an ancient pontoon boat that I've been working on, down south we call 'em party barges. Ok, here's the stream that fills the pond from the northeast, lots of good fishing there, here it flows out to the northwest, here's a waterfall that Ant and Marg's kids love to climb on, then back in the woods is where there were eleven cabins, there's only four left. Number 8 is where Ant and Marj camp, Here's number three it's in tough shape, number twelve is good, and number five is right on the lake, I've got special plans for it."

Veronica knew that Josh loved talking about his land, and right now it's lifting him out of his depression. It used to be a girl scout camp but, in the years since it closed it had been parceled off and vandalized, Josh got it for a steal when the seller who never looked at it thought all the cabins were burned down. "What is so special about Number Five?" she asked as she started to catch Josh's excitement.

"Five faces the pond like ours does and has a porch like ours. I was thinking of fixing the dock and letting your dad use it as much as he wants."

Veronica started to tear up, "He'll love it!" She gave Josh a huge kiss, then gushed, "thank you so much!"

"Don't thank me, you're going to have to help me with fixing up the cabin and the dock." Cheerful Josh was back.

An hour later Josh strolled up to the jetway like a rock star, wearing aviator shades in anticipation of the Florida heat. They were just in time for first-class to be called and were halfway up the jetway when they caught up to a single young mom with two toddlers and an infant that were let on before first class was called to board. He whispered to Veronica "ask her if she needs help then ask me to do it."

Veronica was a little confused, but she walked up to the haggard-looking young mom and said, "Dear, would you like a little help?"

Veronica was made up like she was heading out for a photo shoot, she looked like a million dollars, so the young mom was a bit confused, but she said "if you don't mind..."

Veronica then turned to Josh and said, "Honey, please help." Josh stepped up and snagged a few of the toy bags and scooped up a young boy of about five years old who was wearing cowboy boots and a hat and hoisted him up with one arm and said, "Heya pard, y'all like cowboys?"

"No," the tyke said, "but my grandpa does so I wear this to cheer him up."

"That's right thoughtful of ya pard."

"Are you a cowboy?" the boy asked, "you sound like one." Having never met anyone except native Western New Yorkers, the youngster has never heard an accent as interesting as Josh's southern drawl.

"Nope, but I shoulda been one," then Josh began to sing softly.

"I should've been a cowboy, I should've learned to rope and ride

Wearin' my six-shooter, ridin' my pony on the cattle drive

Stealin' a young girl's heart, just like Gene and Roy

Singin' those campfire songs, oh I should've been a cowboy."

By the time he was done with the Toby Keith song, the young lady had her clutch of children and their equipment stowed. "Thank you so much!" she gasped as she shook hands with Veronica while Josh headed forward.

"Don't thank me," said Veronica who was amazed at Josh's captivation of the fussy boy, "thank the singing cowboy." She headed forward and found Josh had an amber drink with ice and a cherry. "I thought you weren't drinking hard liquor," she said. He just smiled and handed it to her. She sniffed it and then tasted it. It was straight ginger ale. "You dork!" she laughed at him. Then she settled in "What do you think of first class now?"

Josh snuggled back and smiled, "this seat is incredible, my ass is so happy!"

"Josh!" laughing she tried to get him to settle down.

"These seats are incredible! Even the seatbelt is cushioned," he said as he inspected the comfort cushion on the seat belt. "When I grow up I want a recliner this comfortable," he sighed as he leaned the seat back further than any airline seat he's ever been in. "I could sleep in this thing! It's got a foot rest!"

"Please return your seat back to the full upright position," said Veronica as she took the aisle seat.

"That even applies to first class? I thought that was just for the peasants in steerage."

"Sit up you goofball," chuckled Veronica. God but it was good to see him more like himself. Hopefully, this flight won't kick off another roller coaster ride. "Why did you have me ask that woman if she wanted help?"

"Because if a single guy asks, it could be construed as a threat, y' know, a thief or a rapist or a pervert. If you ask it's no threat, even though women can be just as much a threat, but that's life in this fucked up world now, it's getting harder and harder to be nice to each other."

"What did I do to deserve you?" she asked as she kissed his hand.

"I don't know, there's probably some pretty evil sins in your past."

She kept an eye on Josh during the engine start and taxi out, he appeared to be quite normal, even clowning with the flight attendant a little during the safety briefing. When the plane finally took off, he appeared to tense up, but after the initial climb, he relaxed. However, the plane soon banked for a left turn and Josh froze.

The AC-130J leaned into its pylon turn as they lined up on target and the Sensor Operator pinpointed their target. Now the crew went to work, Josh was the weapons team chief, his new master sergeant stripe freshly attached to his uniform. "Let's step it up guys," Josh shouted without keying his microphone to put it on the intercom, there was enough conversation going on in their headsets, Josh didn't feel the need to interrupt the official chatter with his encouragement to his team.

Whatever it was they were shooting at, it must have been important, the Weapons System Operator kept calling for HEAT rounds on the 105mm howitzer. High Explosive Anti-Tank rounds are a potent anti-everything round that will blow a hole in an aircraft carrier. Once again Josh was thankful that there were are no windows on the left side of the plane, which was good, weapons guys being weapons guys would be at the windows trying to watch the explosions.

They were trying to keep up with the demands of the Weapons System Operator who, like Josh, was leery of the 30mm Bushmaster and relied on the 105mm howitzer cannon as his "sniper rifle." As they cranked HEAT rounds into the 105 as fast as the WSO could fire the gun, they could hear the Bushmaster burping as it spewed rounds. The WSO was firing short bursts because the Bushmaster would shake itself off target in a long burst and the sighting radar would have to pause to re-sync the gun to radar. The 30mm was firing well but then there came the 'clank!' of a jam. Craig Dempsey was monitoring the 30mm called, "I can't clear this, I need a hand."

"I'll be right there," said Josh. His guys on the 105, Wyatt Grady and Wayne Engler, "the W's," were doing a fantastic job loading the gun, but at this rate, they'll be up to their knees in empty brass in moments if they don't have someone policing the spent brass. He looked and saw Sgt Ellinore Stadelmeyer, the loadmaster, staying out of the way. "Ellie, can you get the spent brass, I have to step forward."

"No problem," and she stepped up and began grabbing the empty brass casings and securing them in the ammo bin.

Josh moved forward to the 30mm and found a broken round in the chute and realized he had to take the gun offline to clear the broken round. He notified the WSO on the intercom that they had to shut down the Bushmaster, then he and Craig ran through the checklist to safe the gun prior to maintenance. "I'm going to need a pry bar!" he shouted to Craig.

"Rog, be right back!" shouted Craig and he stepped back toward the 105mm cannon where the tool kit was located. Just as Josh began to remove the ammo feed chute from the 30mm Bushmaster there was an incredibly loud bang to his left, even though he was wearing ear protection a loud ringing in his ears blotted out all sound. The entire aircraft jerked and was filled with white... smoke? Vapor? Where was the 105? Where was Craig? Where were the W's? Suddenly, a hand, soft and soothing took his hand and another plane faded into view as Veronica said, "What's wrong Effi? Are you ok?"

Slowly the horror of the smoke-filled AC-130 faded and the plush first-class cabin of a 757 came into view. "It was the tire!" he gasped, "It was the tire that exploded, not the gun." Josh looked around in confusion and realized that he was not on an AC-130, he was on a passenger airplane.

"I don't understand, what tire?"

Josh felt a knife of pain stab into his skull. It didn't matter what he just saw, he had to get his shit together, he's fucked up enough of Veronica's vacation, this is for her. The idea behind this trip was to take her mind off the hell that those freaks Brandon and Emily Mitchell put her through. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." he looked around and the red tint to everything that he saw was fading, "I just..." he glanced through the window and saw that they were in the clouds, the angle of the plane told him that they were still climbing. This plane is safe and healthy. He took a deep shaking breath of relief and said, "I had just remembered a flight where a tire blew."

"Are you ok?" she gasped. His face was covered with sweat and his eyes were wild, the pupils dilated in terror.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he lied. "That was when I got my call sign Bounce 27, remember?" He realized that he was fucking everything up, relax! That was then, this is now.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Concern covered Veronica's face.

"No, I'm fine. This is my first flight in a long time, I'm not going to let one bad landing mess up our vacation." He patted her hand then lifted it to his lips and kissed it. "You know what? Let's get this party started. When that drink cart comes by, I'll have another gin and tonic."

"If you insist." Veronica's smile was not very convincing, but the rest of the flight passed without incident and only one gin and tonic.

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

The sun was low in the sky when they finally got off the airplane at Jacksonville, and getting their baggage wasn't much of a hassle, but outside at the arrivals portion of the terminal, the crowd of people waiting to get picked up was immense. They fought their way through the crowd and made their way to the bus stop for the rental cars. "This place could use a people mover," said Josh as they finally got on the bus to the rental agency.

Veronica was pleased that when they were able to step outside it was hot, the perfect antidote to a long, cold, wet Buffalo winter. "Is it always like this?" she asked basking in the warmth.

"Naw, sometimes it gets hot."

Arriving at the rental they found their chariot waiting for them, a brand-new fire engine red Jeep Wrangler Sport two-door with a soft top. "It's perfect," grinned Josh and he loaded their luggage in the back then he gave Veronica a kiss that made them both believe that his nightmares are in the past.

"Where to? The hotel? The beach? Dinner?" asked Josh.

"I don't know," sighed Veronica as she looked around. It felt like it's been ages since she's seen palm trees growing outdoors and she wanted to see it all, do it all right now.

"Let's do both," said Josh and soon they headed north on I 95 and they got off at the Yulee exit then headed east toward Amelia Island. "What would you like to eat? Country? Mexican? Italian? Seafood?" he said as they neared an overpass.

"Seafood!" said a ravenous Veronica, she really haven't eaten all day since breakfast at the 279 Diner.

"Fancy or plain?"

"Don't care! I'm starving!"

"Tourist or local?"

"Just feed me!" Veronica paused and thought, she always eats "tourist" food, it's time for a change. "Let's do local," she said, "on the beach if we can."

"You got it princess," and as soon as they crossed over the Amelia River, Josh announced, "We are now on Amelia Island."

"Whoo hoo! Bring on the food!"

It was after sunset, they were in the cool of the evening now, the streets were dark, but Veronica could see the Spanish Moss hanging from the trees. They finally pulled up to a little place called De Soto's. It looked like a small Tiki bar, the type of which appears magically wherever sandy tropical beaches meet American tourists. It really couldn't be seen from the road; it was behind a house on the beach side of US A1A. There was no parking, they parked in a cul-de-sac across the street and walked back to the restaurant using a beach access path that stretched between houses. It was an open-air restaurant with only eight tables and a bar with an incredible view of the beach and the breeze was gentle and it smelled of the sea. It was late and luckily there was a table open, so they were seated right away. A chalkboard announced the special of the evening, filet of grouper with mango chutney, served with apple slaw, fried corn, served with a cup of conch chowder.

"That sounds incredible!" gasped Veronica, "I can't wait to see their whole menu!"

"That is their whole menu," said Josh as the waitress appeared.

"Well..." interjected the waitress, "We add a second item when the fishing is good," and she pointed to another chalkboard behind the bar which was titled, "Filet o' Fish du jour, and today's fish sandwich was lionfish.

"Lionfish! But they're so pretty!"

"Yes, but they're an intrusive species that are killing the local fish," said the waitress. "And they're quite tasty."

"I didn't realize all that," said Veronica.

"This is her first foray into the real Florida," explained Josh to the waitress, a slim southern girl.

"Oh! Then you'll have to take her to Callahan Speedway tomorrow night, there's a grudge match between the Kendall and Pennzoil racing teams, ten laps, anything goes," grinned the waitress. "My boy is driving for Kendall this year."

"Yes!" cried Josh. Like most locals he was far from wanting to take a friend or a friend of a friend to Disney World again.

"That sounds like fun!" cried Veronica, and that surprised Josh almost as much as the waitress. Veronica looked like a supermodel who was dressing down in the faint hope that people wouldn't know she's a supermodel. That plan always attracts more attention than it deflects but Josh couldn't convince Veronica of that fact. "What? I love the races; I grew up watching three eighths mile dirt track racing in Erie Pennsylvania."

"Callihan with take you back to your roots, that's for sure," smiled the waitress. "I'll be right back with your chowder.

Veronica looked at Josh and saw the delighted smile. "What? I like the races, but I need earplugs."

"I didn't know that you like motor sports," said Josh as the waitress brought his sweet tea. He took a sip and sighed, "Oh that's good." They just don't make proper sweet tea up north.

"I'm not a pit bunny, but I do like the races," she said as the waitress brought her an Arnold Palmer. "I have a friend with a box at Bandimere Raceway, I'll see if we can get an invite for the Mile High Nationals."

Josh's eyes bugged out, NHRA racing? Funny cars and top fuel, that's redneck heaven! "Sure!" he gasped.

When dinner arrived, they found it was delicious! The owner of the restaurant had caught the grouper himself that morning, and with today's catch cooked and sold he came out and played the guitar as the locals listened and enjoyed the warm, clear evening. "Care for a walk on the beach?" Josh asked as they finished dinner.

"Always," she smiled, "but let's go check in first."

"Oh crap, it's late," said Josh looking at his watch, "we may lose our room."

"I called, they know we're coming," said Veronica. She never told him where they were staying, she didn't even text the street address to Josh. Veronica wanted to keep it a surprise, and Josh trusted her completely, which she found thrilling. So many men treated her like she was stupid, besides her dad only Anthony Friedman and now Josh trusted her judgement. They left and walked hand in hand back to the Jeep and kissed in the moonlight.

"I had another flashback on the airplane today," he said sadly.

"I know," she said softly, her eyes studying his, trying to find the root of his pain. "Do you still feel it?"

His face saddened, "I don't know... I never know."

Veronica softened, "Let's go relax, we'll sleep tonight, then maybe paddleboarding before the races tomorrow?"

"Yeah, let's do that," and with that they climbed into the jeep and Veronica navigated them southward to the Amelia Palms, a beautiful hotel facing the ocean.

As they signed in, the clerk showed them a map of the facilities, the jogging and biking paths, spas and gyms. "Is there a chance we can rent paddle boards tomorrow?"

"Of course, Mrs. Gravely, at the recreation desk. They open at six o'clock in the morning."

The words 'Mrs. Gravely' made Veronica's heart leap, and it wasn't missed by Josh either. He was standing behind her and when the clerk called her that he wrapped an arm around her slim waist and pulled her back against him, reveling in her warmth and that particular smell that said "Veronica" to him. "What do you say Mrs. Gravely, it's been a long day, let's go hit the sack."

Veronica turned around in his arms and smiled and gave him a kiss. "That's a very good idea, hubby," and they headed off to their room.

They were both exhausted from the emotional trauma of the day and simply curled together, "is it ok if we just..." Josh sounded embarrassed, "I'm kind of burned out and I..."

Veronica put a hand gently on Josh's cheek, "Its ok sweetie, sometimes marriages get to that point where..."

"I get it, I get it," groaned Josh who was now embarrassed at his exhaustion. "Just give me a moment to crank this baby up and I'll be ready for your..."

"Oh, stop," she gave Josh a kiss. "I didn't mean to question your virility."

"I'm so sorry, I haven't been sleeping well I think, I can't keep my eyes open."

"It's ok, I'm right here." Veronica cradled her man close and thought, "he needs me," and that thought was so important to her, she bent to kiss his forehead and found he was already asleep. She eased out of bed and grabbed her phone and stepped out onto their balcony naked. She loved the feel of the ocean breeze caressing every inch of her skin and vowed to fuck Josh's eyeballs loose tomorrow night after the races on this very balcony.

She leaned on the balcony railing and watched the beach in the distance hoping to see sea turtles come ashore to lay eggs, but she didn't realize they were a bit early for that, the turtles start making their appearances on north Florida beaches in May. However, just in case the turtles come early, the resort turned off all lights that can be seen from the beach. Bright lights confuse sea turtles and cause them to lay their eggs in the ocean rather than make a safe nest for them on the beach.

Veronica peeked in the room and checked on Josh again then made a quick call. "Hey Nick, did you guys get checked in ok?... great, any problems?... Yeah, same with Josh... that's great. Can't wait to see you at breakfast... they open at seven... yup, same with Josh... ok, I'll be the one with a neon pink Georgia Bulldogs cap... Gators huh, Josh never mentioned them, ok see you in the morning."

Veronica sat back on the lounge chair and watched the stars wheeling overhead, just loving the feel of the warm breeze on her exposed skin. There's something about being naked outside. She's worn teeny-tiny bikinis for photoshoots, but the feeling of the breeze on her exposed nipples and pussy makes her feel 10 times more exposed. As she watched the stars wheel overhead, she didn't notice Josh starting to twitch.

Josh moved forward to the 30mm Bushmaster gun and found a broken round in the chute and realized he had to take the gun offline to clear the broken round. He notified the WSO on the intercom that they had to shut down the Bushmaster, then he and Craig ran through the checklist to safe the gun prior to maintenance. "I'm going to need a pry bar!" he shouted to Craig.

"Rog, be right back!" shouted Craig and he stepped back toward the 105 where the tool kit was located. Just as Josh began to remove the ammo feed chute from the 30mm Bushmaster there was an incredibly loud bang to his left, the entire aircraft was filled with white... smoke? Vapor? An incredibly loud ringing noise filled his head, and he tried to look through the smoke. Where was the 105? Where was Craig?

Suddenly the plane jerked three times, Bam! Bam! Bam! It was like someone kicked the tail hard causing the plane to jerk, he heard someone on the intercom screaming "FLARES! FLARES! FLARES!" Then he heard "CHAFF! CHAFF! CHA..." and suddenly the plane was slammed hard, Josh was thrown against the WSO's cabinet, the belly of the plane went dark, and the intercom went silent.

Josh stumbled to a cabinet he knew held emergency lights and grabbed a handful of lightsticks and a big flashlight then headed back to his team. Crap! They were all down and bleeding, and SHIT! Craig was... gone. Oh god, the poor kid looked so terrified... don't think about it, he grabbed a lightstick, bent it until he felt the glass vial crack then he shook it up and it glowed that sickly green that he used to like. He laid the lightstick on Craig so he wouldn't get stepped on, then he swept his flashlight around, there was a huge gaping hole in the starboard side of the huge cargo door big enough to climb through.

Wyatt had a badly broken arm; a bone was sticking out and he was starting to freak out. Josh pulled a sling out of the med kit, bandaged his arm, put him in the sling then sat him down and strapped him in. His other team member Wayne was bleeding from a chest wound and had blood rimming his lips, shit, it was a punctured lung. He pulled his demo knife, cut open Wayne's flight suit, and applied a sterile dressing as tightly as possible to the wound. He was going to give him the morphine, but something told him to hold off, Wayne wasn't screaming in pain, but he might need it later. He handed both of the Ws an active lightstick and said, "I'll be right back."

He flashed that super bright flashlight around and the tail was a wreck, the 105 was canted at an angle, hydraulic fluid all over, where was Ellie? He looked and saw her safety strap was hanging through that gaping hole and sadly shook his head, he teased her for wearing it because they weren't going to open the cargo door.

"I don't trust you jerks," she would always say, and she always clipped the strap onto her web harness and remained a safe distance away from gun operations.

He was already mourning her when Josh saw that there was tension on the safety strap, and he dashed over to the gaping hole. His boots were covered with hydraulic fluid or maybe Craig's blood, and he almost slipped into the hole. Shining the light down into the inky darkness over the rocky desert, he saw Ellie was there, dangling from the strap. Josh's sudden relief turned to terror as he saw that she had pulled out her demo knife and was sawing at the safety strap. "ELLIE! STOP!"

"Josh! It's ok, it's me!" cried a terrified Veronica.

"ELLLLIEEEEEE!" Josh's eyes were wide open, but he was seeing something else, his body covered in sweat, his hands shaking as he implored Ellie to stop something. Veronica was naked, crouched in front of him and she shook his shoulders.

"Effie, please! It's me, Ronnie, I'm right here, please."

Recognition dawned in Josh's crazed eyes, and he melted. He went from a crazed, maniacal lunatic to a shattered, sorrowful man in an instant. "Oh Nica," he moaned, "I'm so sorry... you don't deserve this..." and he broke down into gales of tears.

"No! Effi, I'm here for you," Veronica threw her arms around him, joining her man in tears. "It's ok, I'm here for you, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere..." Now he started shaking, his body was covered with clammy sweat and the air conditioning kicked in. "Come on, come with me..." she led him to the bathroom where she drew a warm shower, and she coaxed him in with her. It worked before; he calmed down in the airport, it should work again. Just as he was about to step into the shower he whirled, bent over the toilet, and vomited.

"Oh, you poor baby," she wondered what happened that affected him so badly that he lost all touch with reality and twisted his gut around like this. When he finished vomiting, he was shaking worse than before, but Veronica was able to coax him into the shower. It worked at the airport in Buffalo, and it worked in Florida too, under the comforting spray he was able to relax.

Josh apologized over and over as she dried him off and led him back to bed. She finally asked, "What are you so sorry about?"

"For being weak," he said. "My predecessors in B-17s and B-24s, they went up time after time, they got killed by the score, ten guys every time a plane was shot down, it was a slaughter, if a plane made it back they generally had at least one shot up airman, but they kept going back up knowing they were going to die. I got hit once and I freak out."

"Ok, stop this right now," said Veronica, she sounded angry. "You told me you were angry that they took you off gunship duty, were you or weren't you angry?"

"Yeah... I was angry."

"Same as them, you got shot up, but you wanted to go back up and finish the job, right?"

"I don't think it's as easy as that..." mumbled Josh, but she had a point, he was young back then, he was invulnerable, Superman had nothing on him. His scars and injuries from that landing? He got up and walked it off, rub some dirt on it, be a man, he was ready to go back up... until they told him he wasn't wanted anymore.

"Bad things tend to affect us after it's over." She stroked the ugly scar on his right side, and they kissed. When their lips parted, they gazed into each other's eyes. "You can't get rid of me this easy," whispered Veronica.

"What if I'm like the rest of them with PTSD and I end it before it ends me?"

"You're not alone, I'm here with you."

"And if we have a baby?"

"We will be here with you." She snuggled with Josh while that thought sank in and finally said, "What was Ellie doing?"

"Hmm?"

"What was she doing? You were shouting at her to stop."

"She..." his stomach churned; the bile was returning. "She was standing by the rear cargo door when something blew a huge hole in it, and she got sucked out of the plane." Veronica gasped in shock but once you uncork the bottle you can't put the genie back in. "She was on a safety strap and was hanging under the plane for minutes, maybe ten, maybe longer I don't know. We were over..." It was classified what they were over, but fuck it... "over the African desert and losing altitude, heading for an emergency air strip... coming down hard..."

"Go on," Veronica whispered, she really didn't want to hear the rest, but he needed to get it out.

He paused for a long moment then continued, "When we were hit, I lost a good kid and a great friend, it was horrible, I was so fucked up I forgot about Ellie. Totally forgot..." Josh looked horrible; he was staring up at the ceiling, but his mind was a thousand feet further up. He continued, "Then I remembered her and looked to where she was standing and saw a big fucking hole right where I saw her last. I thought she was gone, dead, but when I saw her strap going down into that hole, I shone a powerful light down there and I saw her, but she saw the ground coming up at us..."

Now Josh was fighting to hold back the tears as he said, "She knew that if we landed with her hanging there she would be dragged to death, so she pulled her knife and started cutting her safety strap." The horror of seeing his friend Craig dead, another friend intentionally hacking away at her safety strap so that her death would be quick... Josh began to shake violently as he remembered the look of terror on Ellie's face when she looked up at him, then he remembered... he wished he hadn't, but he remembered... He didn't know how much he said but he heard Veronica weeping in shock, it was all too much. He grabbed a towel off the floor and vomited again.

The bile burned his throat as it came up and he prayed that he didn't have to relive this ever again... the horror was just too real... When he was done, he got up and placed the towel in the bathroom and washed up, then returned to bed and lay back, Veronica laid her head on his shoulder. It was tough to ask, but she said, "what happened to Ellie?"

"I was scared shitless so I yanked her in as fast as I could, but she kept cutting, I was so scared she would cut through before I could get her in the plane, all the time I'm yelling "Ellie! Stop!" He paused as the horror of that horrible night washed over him. He shuddered and continued, "I got her in and strapped her down and I think she went into shock."

Veronica kissed his cheek then propped herself up to look in his eyes and asked, "what happened next?"

"I thought she was dead; she was losing a lot of blood and I couldn't tell if she was breathing. I put a tourniquet on her leg, and she came around, so I tried to bandage her left arm... Her leg was a mangled mess... and I was trying to bandage her when we hit the runway and I was bounced around like a rubber ball."

"Oh Effi," groaned Veronica as she tried to hold back the tears. The thought that her Effi had lived this horror and kept the memories inside, unable to share them, saddened her terribly. "Effi?" She lifted and checked on him and realized that he was completely asleep. The horror of seeing his friend desperately sawing away at that safety strap choosing to fall to her death rather than to be dragged along the runway at 150 MPH was a nightmare that he's carried with him since that horrific mission. He's flown since that terrible night, but ever since, whenever the plane rolls to the left he's filled with the fear that their guns would soon fire and reveal their position to every gun on the ground. But now that he's spoken his horror, he realized that he could sleep... but Veronica wasn't sure she could ever sleep again.

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

Josh woke feeling better than he had in ages. After breakfast he was going to show Veronica all the sights that he grew up with. His secret was out, and it was as if he had been exorcised, his demons were gone, or at least in remission. Finally, he could enjoy the exhilaration of waking up next to the woman he loved. For her part Veronica was up most of the night, the horror of what he said terrified her, and it had become too chilly to sit outside naked. She hoped her surprise would have some more healing power inside. As they stepped into the restaurant Veronica clung to his arm and said, "I have a gift for you," and she pointed toward the back of the room.

In the back of the restaurant a slightly heavy-set blond woman sat at a table and was talking to a large black man wearing a UF Gators hat. The fellow looked up and saw Veronica's neon pink Georgia Bulldogs hat and waved. "Do you know him?" asked Josh as Veronica waved back.

"Look again," said Veronica and Josh saw that the blond was staring at him in shock, her mouth opened as she shouted something. Josh looked at her and cried, "Ellie!" then he sprinted to the back of the restaurant where he dropped to a knee and they hugged like siblings that had been separated for far too long. Lately they've been on the phone every day, whenever Josh or Ellie has that dream, and recently they've both been having it.

When Ellie stood to hug Josh properly Veronica noticed several things. First, she was pregnant, Veronica gasped in delight and surprise because Ellie never told Veronica. If she had told Josh that she was expecting he never mentioned it, so it was a complete surprise to Veronica. The next thing that Veronica noticed was that Ellie was tall, well over six feet tall, she was not a small girl by any measure. But what she noticed next made her blood run cold when she saw Ellie's metal left leg. Ellie rose then stepped away from the table so she could stand and hug him properly. The black fellow she was with also rose and stepped up to Veronica. "Ronnie? It's good to meet you."

"You must be Nick, thank you so much for coming. When I found out you two were in Tampa, I had to set this up."

"No, thank you, this place is beautiful, we could never afford a place like this."

"That's the miracle of hotel points," smiled Veronica. Then her expression changed to one of concern, as Josh held a chair out for Ellie, and she eased into it. "I hope this helps, he recently started to realize that he couldn't ignore the PTSD any longer."

"Same with Ellie," sighed Nick. "We thought she had it beat, but ever since she discovered she was pregnant she's been in a complete uproar. She'd wake up screaming "Just let me go!"

Veronica gasped when she heard that, did Ellie really say that while dangling under the back end of a crippled AC-130? Why would she say that? Didn't she know that Josh would save her? Veronica had an undeniable belief that no matter what, Josh would save her. When she set up a sting for their crooked VP Brandon Mitchell, she couldn't tell Josh about it because he would save her but that would ruin the sting.

Nick and Veronica joined Josh and Ellie who were deeply engrossed in a conversation involving officers from their past and any time they mentioned someone they obviously didn't like, they labeled him or her a "nonner." The only time they came up from the depths of their conversation was when the waitress came to take their order. All through breakfast they chatted while Nick and Veronica sat on the edges of the conversation, their only contribution was when either Josh or Ellie would say to their lover, "What was the name of that guy...?" or "Where were we when...?"

After breakfast they walked down to the beach and while Veronica waded in the shallow water Josh and Ellie continued with their conversation and they showed no signs of slowing down. But eventually they got to the part where they were saying a lot of "What ever happened to...?" about friends from the past. Then they grew silent and watched the waves coming in and Veronica happily splashing in them, the ocean was restless, and the waves churned up the sand turning the water a light shade of brown. Josh never took his eyes off Veronica as she continued wading in the water while she talked to Nick who stayed clear of the waves. It was a comfortable silence between the two retired warriors. Ellie finally broke the silence and said, "You really love her, don't you?"

Josh chuckled, "What makes you say that?" his eyes were glued to Veronica's long, sexy legs. He would be heartbroken if she lost one like Ellie, but if it happened, he would be there for her.

Ellie scoffed, "I haven't known you long, only most of my adult life," she gave him an elbow that almost rolled him over in the sand, "you can't take your eyes off her. Every time she gets hit by a wave, you're ready to jump up and go to her."

"Well," shrugged Josh, "she might get her hair wet."

"You were never like that with Yazmilla."

"Yesenia," insisted Josh. Why did he have to marry a woman with a name no one can pronounce? The only thing his old friends remember about Yesenia is the fact that when Josh came home from a yearlong deployment, she had moved her sidepiece into base housing with her and was six months pregnant with another man's baby. "Yesenia was a different kind of woman," sighed Josh.

"Yeah, a fucking slut." Ellie grabbed Josh's phone out of his hand and looked at it. Every now and then while she was talking with him, he'd send a quick text message to Veronica. Ellie looked at the phone and saw that he was sending little love notes to Veronica the whole time they were talking. He sent short text messages that said, "I love you" and "I miss you." As she scrolled through the messages she scoffed, "You miss her? She's right there!"

Josh just nodded, "I haven't been here, I've been in Al Hafra."

"I know," groaned Ellie, "me too." Al Hafra was the African air base they were flying out of as they tried to break the grip that the east African warlords had on the food supply coming in off the docks of Port Durban and the largest port in the word, the Port of Richards Bay. This was one of those wars that was never mentioned on TV, and planes and helicopters that were shot down here, soldiers that were killed were counted as "lost in a training accidents." Ellie continued, "Look, you've got to face this. Uncle Sam used us to wipe his ass and then flushed us away like we were nothing."

"I know," groaned Josh.

"You're not going to get any better letting this burn you up from the inside. You've got to talk to someone." Ellie waited for Josh to respond, but he just stared at the patch of ground. "When I got home Nick was waiting for me. He was there for me, but I wasn't there for him... it wasn't fair. Are you being fair to Veronica?"

"I know!" growled Josh, "I just don't know what to do."

"Yes, you do," said Ellie, "you just ain't got the guts," and she handed his phone back to him. "Talking is the only thing, I can give you the number of a VA..."

"Fuck the VA," snarled Josh. The thought of dealing with a bloated bureaucracy for one more minute made his stomach twist. It wasn't the people, most of the people were great, it was the machine that angered Josh. He frowned at Ellie then hit the auto dial to a familiar number. "Hey Macy, it's me Josh."

"Oh Bonjour mon ami. Your vacation must be très boring, I will get John for you."

"No, I called to talk to you, I'm having that dream again, I'm sure John told you about it, so I was wondering if you can find someone for me," Josh was sure no one would want to take on his case.

"Oui, I will talk to Doctor Helen Lennox, she owes me a favor, I will ask her to give you a call in one week from today when you get home, but if it gets bad, I will text you her number. Est-ce que ça va?" (Is that ok?)

"Oui, merci beaucoup, au revoir," and with that Josh exhausted his entire French vocabulary then hung up and suddenly felt relief wash over him as he watched Veronica enjoy herself in the surf.

"Feel better?" Ellie asked.

"Come on Robo-Chick," said Josh as stood and looked down on Ellie. "Let's go, I owe Veronica the rest of the story."

"No. You go tell her; I've done my talking."

"Bullshit, I need a backup on this mission," and Josh scooped Ellie up like she was a small girl and started to carry her up the beach followed by a laughing Nick and Veronica. Josh lowered a feisty Ellie to the ground, and she turned to Nick and clung to his arm as they walked back to the hotel and gathered around a table on the hotel patio. After they sat and got a round of Bloody Mary's with a Virgin Mary for Ellie, Josh and Ellie held hands with their lovers and Josh said, "I didn't tell you the whole story. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Hal Rainey..."

Major Emory Hancock and his co-pilot Captain Everett Jackson were struggling to keep Ghost Rider Zero Four in the air. Something went horribly wrong; it was like every gun in east Africa knew their flight plan and they became the punching bag of every African warlord from the Suez to Somalia. They lost communication with weapons and the weapons people, a myriad of circuit breakers had popped and can't be reset, a dozen alarms were blaring, each one was telling Major Hancock that the tail of the plane was hanging on by a thread. What concerned him the most was that Josh had not checked in with him. Gravely had the best gun crew he's ever flown with and it's not like Josh to not let him know what was going on. Who is not busy? "WSO, can you check on Gravely and his team?"

There was a long pause then, "Rog, standby." The Weapons Systems Officer, Captain Harold "Hal" Rainey, call sign Hailstorm, fought his way out of the "cabinet," finally kicking open the wedged door. The Cabinet is the nerve center of the gunship, all the sensors, the cameras, the radar, the radar jamming, the threat warning receivers, the satellite receivers, the weapons systems, and the officers that manned that equipment did it from "the cabinet" and with the door jammed shut it was a potential coffin. Hal took a small pen light out of his sleeve pocket and worked his way aft. Normally an AC-130 is full of people; crew members, trainees, evaluators, and folks who just wanted a ride. But on a classified combat mission it was essential personnel only and to step out of the cabinet and not see anyone felt unusual. Commander, co-pilot, crew chief, navigator, and electronics team, everyone up front was accounted for. The weapons team and the load master were unaccounted for, a total of five people.

Not a light was working in the entire weapons bay, even the emergency lights were dark, but he could see some glow sticks. Hal could see that there was a glowstick on the floor and as he got close, he saw that the glow stick was on somebody that was laying on the ground, it was Staff Sergeant Craig Dempsey, soaked in blood, his chest was ripped wide open. Hailstorm had never seen a dead body outside of a casket before, especially not someone in his chain of command. Hailstorm started to panic, he stared at Craig for what seemed like a long time, the sound of wind roaring in his ears. "Get your shit together Rainey!" he told himself and he noticed that he heard yelling, like someone telling someone else to stop.

He looked up and there were a couple more glow sticks, he aimed his penlight and saw the new kid, Wayne something, Hailstorm never got his last name. The kid was strapped into a jump seat, his flight suit was covered in blood, and he didn't look very alive. Next to him was Wyatt, his arm in a sling and his face as pale as a ghost. Hal started to move toward The Ws when a movement in the dark to the left drew his attraction. He trained his light to that side, and he saw Gravely, the weapons team chief, and he suddenly slipped and went out a huge hole.

"WHAT?" shrieked Veronica. "You fell out of an airplane?" Her eyes were wide with fear and panic.

"My boots were slick with hydraulic fluid," said Josh as he wished that he had ordered a different drink, "No," he said glumly, "that's a lie I tell myself, it wasn't hydraulic fluid, it was Craig and Ellie's blood, that's why I slipped and fell."

Ellie shuddered and said "I saw his feet come out the hole and I just closed my eyes; I didn't want to know what happened." She leaned against Nick who put a protective arm around her.

"Well, you didn't fall back into the airplane," said Veronica, "what happened?"

"It was Hailstorm," said Josh.

Hal Rainey jumped toward the hole and found Josh clinging to a safety strap; the jagged edge of the hole was jabbed through his flight suit cutting into him. Hal quickly scooped his hands under Josh's arms and hoisted Josh up, the sheet metal gouging holes in Josh's back and side, but Josh never let go of the safety strap.

Now the sun was starting to rise, and the land was starting to come up at them quickly. While Hal held Josh so he wouldn't slip on the blood-soaked floor, Josh hauled Ellie into the airplane as fast as he could. She was in bad shape; she was now unconscious and bleeding from her mangled left leg and arm. Josh and Hal secured her to the floor then Josh found his first aid kid and started to apply a tourniquet to her leg. He didn't know how tight it should be so as soon as he saw the blood flow stop, he tied it off. As he was doing that, Hal ran forward to report what happened to the pilot, Emory Hancock.

"Sir, we got..."

Major Hancock cut him off. He was busy fighting the controls of the wounded bird that wanted to plow a hole into the ground and simply shouted, "Strap in, tell me later."

Hal returned to his station and started to strap in. In the back, Josh cut open Ellie's sleeve and was wrapping gauze around her arm when he found out she had returned to consciousness. "That was my favorite flight suit!" she complained.

"Jesus Ellie, don't you have something else to..." Josh never finished the sentence because just then the plane hit the runway and Ellie saw Josh slam into the deck then bounce off into the dark.

As Ghost Rider Zero Four careened down the runway, Maj. Hancock hit the brakes and reversed the pitch on the propellers slowing the plane down dramatically. Josh slammed into the broken M-102 Howitzer mount, breaking his arm and several ribs. The tire that was shot out was sorely missed but there was another tire on the left side that survived most of the landing. They were slowed down to about 30 mph when that one blew with the power of an IED propelling Josh back toward Ellie where he stopped in a twisted heap.

Josh returned to consciousness with an EMT working on him, they were strapping him to a back board and preparing to put him on a stretcher. "Let me up," he groaned, "I can walk."

Ignoring his comment, the EMT said, "are you the person who put the tourniquet on Sergeant Stadelmeyer's leg?"

"Yeah, is she ok?"

"Looks like you saved her life." They muscled Josh on to the stretcher and started to lift him out of the plane.

"What about Wayne? I think he had a punctured lung."

"He'll be fine too. That's two saves in one day, you just rest. You earned it."

Josh tried to relax as they hoisted him out of the plane. They'll fix it up and get it to fly again, at least once, just so they won't have to say that it was destroyed by enemy fire. He heard a voice say, "Sergeant Gravely, how are you feeling?"

Josh opened his eyes and saw Major Hancock looking down at him, "A little banged up sir," said Josh answering the pilot's question. He squinted into the morning sun and said, "I think I need to take the rest of the day off sir."

"Denied sergeant," said the Major with a relieved grin. "By the way, happy birthday."

"Fuck you too sir," said Josh with a pained smile, "and your landings suck."

"Any landing you can walk away from..."

Josh tried to sit up as they loaded his stretcher into the ambulance, "In case you didn't notice sir, I ain't walking."

"But I am," laughed the pilot, "I'm the one that counts." As the ambulance wheeled off the Major turned and bummed a smoke off of the crew chief, six years of kicking the habit were gone.

The four sat around the table looking at each other in silence. Nick eventually broke the silence by saying "Bullshit."

"What?" said Ellie as she looked at her husband.

"I don't believe you told a major to fuck off."

Josh just shrugged and smiled, but Ellie said, "Josh told everyone to fuck off. When you're good, you can get away with shit like that."

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

Dr. Macy Jarecki had just got off the phone when her husband John strolled out of the kitchen holding their four-month-old daughter Katarina. Kat was hungry but she didn't want the bottle that John was offering and was being a bit fussy. "Mon amour," asked Macy in her soft, French-Canadian voice, "are not Veronica and Josh on vacation?"

"Yeah, they're in Georgia I think, they just left yesterday, why?"

"Josh just called and asked for a referral for PTSD." She held up her slim arms to take the baby from her husband.

John sighed in relief and surrendered the love of his life to the other love of his life. "It's about time, he's really been struggling with it for the past few years. What did you do?"

"I told him to relax and enjoy his vacation and that I would have everything ready for him when he gets back. I sent a Messagerie électronique to Helen, I think she would do him good."

John loved the French term that Macy used for email, and he was familiar with Doctor Lennox. "Good choice, she won't take any guff from him."

"Oui," agreed Macy as she smiled down on Katarina who finally took to the bottle and closed her eyes as she began nursing. So many people said that Kat looks just like her mother, but other than her milk chocolate skin color, Macy couldn't see it. Eyes, nose, and mouth are all from her father. "Josh may be tough, but she is tougher."

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

"Kendall! Kendall! Kendall!" chanted Veronica at the top of her lungs as the fans went wild. The grudge match between the Kendall and the Pennzoil racing teams was a wild demolition derby around the three eighths mile dirt track of Callihan Speedway. The rednecks of Northern Florida and South Georgia went wild as the cars roared around and around, gaining points with every lap. There were collisions galore and Veronica and Ellie screamed themselves hoarse with every collision.

Finally, the roar of the engines died, and the drivers gathered in front of the grandstands for the award ceremony. "Before we announce the winning team, tonight's top driver, with twelve laps in the lead, for Team Kendall, Alexa Gray of Bulogne, Florida!"

"That's my girl!" shouted Veronica as the fans cheered.

"How old are you, Alexa?" asked the announcer and he held his microphone to Alexa's mouth.

"Ten," giggled the little blond.

Callihan Speedway was a go-kart racing track, groomed to professional standards and the starting point for many drivers who rise through the professional ranks. Veronica was hoping for some open wheel modified racing but found that these kids were just as exciting to watch as their bigger cousins with eight cylinder engines. Team Kendall won thanks to the efforts of Alexa who showed an incredible talent for cut-throat driving on that track.

"Now what?" asked Nick as they made their way out to the parking lot. Being a kid's event, it ended early and there was plenty of evening left.

"I got a place in mind that was just made for this bunch," said Josh as they turned off US 1 on to Sauls road and started heading back to Amelia Island. "We should make it in time for dinner."

"You know, when you said you were country," started Veronica, "I pictured Green Acres. You know, big fields, corn, cows, row crops. These are all trees; you grew up in a forest." Veronica was right, the country was all long needle pine trees growing right up to the edge of the road. The trees stood over fifty feet tall, straight and slender, and with their long, long needles on branches at the top they looked like giant bottle brushes. Occasionally a house could be seen back in the trees and on occasion an acre or two was carved out of the forest and a new house was being built. They passed one small farm that looked like a farm from back in Western New York, but that was it. This wasn't the country that Veronica envisioned.

Josh smiled at her and said, "If you notice, these trees are all growing in rows. Pine trees are one of the top cash crops in Nassau County. You'll see dozens of log trucks on these roads tomorrow because the paper mill isn't going to shut down on Sunday." He pointed out large parcels of land that had been logged out, then he pointed out parcels that were covered with bright green young trees shooting skyward. "A tree farm is a farm too."

Finally, the red jeep pulled up in front of the American Legion post in Fernandina Beach and the gang piled out. "Are you sure they're ready for us?" asked Ellie. Back at Hurlburt field the gunners were known as the biggest troublemakers in the USAF.

"This is a navy town," explained Josh, "We'll just show them what trouble is all about."

"Mop jockeys?" cried Ellie as they entered the half full club. "I ain't gonna take shit off no deck ape."

The club went silent.

"We're in trouble now," said Veronica quietly to Josh.

"Nah, she's just getting the crowd warmed up," said Josh. He's seen this act before in clubs in western Florida years ago when Ellie was assigned to gunships and was feeling her oats. She and the Ws could ransack a bar, they were a terror during spring break when they were stationed near Panama City. All eyes stared at Ellie as they walked into the club. She was a tough chick and a lot of people in the squadron thought she was an angry lesbian because she liked to pick fights with guys. Turned out she liked to pick fights with guys because she just happened to like to get drunk and pick fights with guys.

As they sat down at a table, a tall blond fellow, exceptionally well dressed too, came up to her and said, "Do you think you can come in here and call our Navy members deck apes?"

"Hell yeah," said Ellie. "Who's going to stop me? I'm a disabled pregnant veteran with a metal leg and a purple heart."

A tough looking dark-haired woman with the USMC globe and anchor on her trucker hat came up and said, "How did you lose your leg?"

"Some asshole with a Russian 30mm auto cannon tried to shoot me out of the air." Then for effect she rolled up her left sleeve and showed the scars that were left from that night years ago. The guy with the tie looked ill when he saw the scars on Ellie's arms, but the marine kept on.

"Anyone actually see this happen?" the marine sneered.

Ellie pointed at Josh, "He pulled me back in the airplane when I got blown out and was dangling on a strap." Ellie stepped up and got right in her face, she stood nearly six inches taller than the marine and gave her a scowl that would broach no bullshit. "Ghost Rider Zero Four, AC-130J."

The well-dressed man looked at Josh and said, "Serious? You two were on a Specter?"

"Technically it was a Ghost Rider, that's what they call that two-gun bomb truck," said Josh who was still watching Ellie. It looked like Ellie, and the marine were now fast friends. That's how Ellie used to work; she'll piss you off until you end up in bed with her. He wondered how angry Ellie got with Nick before they fell in love.

"I was airborne," said the well-dressed man. "Anyone that gave close air support was my best friend, Cobra, Apache, A-10, AC-130, it doesn't matter. You guys hungry? The kitchen is still open." When everybody nodded, he turned to the marine and said, "Marci, go tell Ricky that we have four more." Then he sat down and talked to Josh about that mission that ended his career. He finally said to Josh, "did you get out ok?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine," Josh said, but he was shut down by Ellie.

"Him? He got all fuckered up. He fell out trying to pull me back in, got all cut up on the sheet metal, me and two other guys, he bandaged us up put a tourniquet on me, saved my life, but he didn't get strapped in, so when we landed, he bounced all over that airplane breaking a dozen bones and fracturing his skull."

"I landed on Craig," he said softly. Veronica moaned and held him tight, now that she knew the story, she realized that this, the loss of Craig Dempsey, was a deep, deep wound.

Their food arrived as they were talking about the plane landing, and everyone being offloaded on to an ambulance on a base that didn't have the facilities for them or the airplane. The four of them were quickly airlifted to Germany, then when they were stable to fly, they were shipped to Walter Reed Army Medical Center.

As he was getting ready to leave, the fellow with the tie pulled Josh and Ellie together and said, "from a ground pounder's point of view, thanks. You saved more lives than you'll ever know but watching the two of you I can tell you have a lot of healing to do." He tapped Josh on the forehead and said, "Here, this is where the most important healing must take place. Copy?"

"Rog," said Josh.

"That's what we have the big turd down here to do," said Ellie as she drove an elbow into Josh's ribs.

"Ok, I'm Todd Dennings by the way, if you need anything, just reach out to me, ok?" and with that he handed Veronica and Nick his card and left just as their food arrived.

"Heya folks, here you go. Fried pork chop, smashed taters and green beans, if you want seconds you gotta hurry up, the kitchen closes in fifteen minutes," said the smiling white-haired fellow who brought them their food. He had such a deep southern accent that it took Veronica a moment to translate in her mind what he had just said.

"How much do we owe for this?" said Nick as he eyed the biggest pork chop he's ever been able to claim as his.

"Y'all don't worry about that none," said their waiter, "your dinner is on Todd."

"Oh wow," said Ellie around a mouth full of Italian green beans. "How do we thank him?"

"If he bought you dinner, you done something that he's thanking you for."

"I mean, how do we reach out to him?" asked Josh.

"Y'all jes look him up on the internet, he's our congressman," and the cook/waiter returned to the kitchen. Veronica took the card out of her purse and looked at it... it said he was a congressman and now she had his office number.

Their dinner was spectacular. Simple food cooked and seasoned perfectly. The pork chops were an eye rolling delicacy and when Ricky, the cook, came back out to let them know he was closing up Veronica asked him how the pork chops were made. "I don't eat much pork, but these are delicious! How did you make them so crispy yet so tender inside?"

"Ah did it the way my granny did it, ah jes dunked 'em in the deep frier."

Veronica stared at the remains of her porkchop in shock as the gathering laughed at her expression. She religiously avoids fried foods preferring grilled, steamed, and baked as the cooking methods of choice. "I've been missing out," she said in a small voice.

"Honey, you're in the south now, we prefer tradition over nutrition," said Josh as he hugged his blond lover.

"Ain't that the truth," laughed Ricky as he headed back to the kitchen.

The rest of the night was spent shooting pool and getting to know the folks in North Florida. The American Legion isn't a tourist attraction, the population of the post was "real folk," veterans, their families, and their friends who come together for mutual support, a cold beer, and a chance to laugh with people who understand how they spent their youth. Visiting veterans from around the US aren't unusual because of the tourist nature of Amelia Island, but in a navy town, Air Force vets were a rarity, so they attracted some attention.

The post commander, Lex, is a jovial fellow who spent four years in the army before enlisting in the Marine Corps asked Josh, "Why did you join the Air Force?"

"I come from a Navy town and everyone I knew was enlisting in the Navy, so I joined the Air Force to avoid those morons," grinned Josh.

"Where you from?" asked Lex.

"Saint Mary's," said Josh with a grin. They were about to discuss life in St. Mary's a couple of decades ago when he heard a familiar tune coming from the juke box. He turned and Veronica was standing next to the juke box watching him with an expectant smile. "Excuse me," Josh said to Lex, and he walked over to where Veronica was waiting. He took her in his arms, and they began to dance in the open area near the pool table:

I'll always remember, the song they were playing

The first time we danced, and I knew

As we swayed to the music, and held to each other

I fell in love with you

"Thank you so much Nica," he whispered in her ear. It's been months since they practiced their waltzing together, but their bodies remembered the steps and they danced beautifully together.

"For what?" she asked.

"Staying with me. You have every right to run far away, and no one will blame you."

"Why would I run away? You're my Effi." She wanted to draw him out, to get him to expose his fears to her.

"I'm just a busted up ol' relic who's fucked up in the head, I could snap at any minute. You deserve so much better."

Veronica brought them to a stop and looked him in the eye, her warm brown eyes meeting his icy blue eyes. "I understand that you're hurting, and I will do whatever it takes to help you recover, but if I hear you talk that way about yourself ever again, I will bust you up."

"I'm just telling the truth..."

"No! You're insulting the man that I love, my future husband and the father of my children and I won't put up with it." There was a fire in her eyes that Josh had never seen. "I waited my whole life for you. Do you copy?"

They started dancing again and Josh sighed, "Yes ma'am. Sometimes I need a reminder I guess." Josh suddenly felt so in love with this woman he wanted to jump up on a table and scream out his love for her. Instead, they simply danced.

Could I have this dance, for the rest of my life

Could you be my partner, every night

When we're together, it feels so right

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

The next morning the four amigos had breakfast together one last time in the Amelia Palms. Talk was happy and hopeful now that Josh and Ellie have reunited and exorcised a demon or two. "I want to thank you guys so much for everything you've done for us, this has been a marvelous chance to get away from Ybor City," said Nick as they prepared to leave.

"The hotel was marvelous," said Ellie. "We arrived long before you got here, and I got to play bikini games."

"You didn't," gasped Josh, his eyes wide in shock.

"Oh yes!" she gave an evil grin. "The pink bikini."

Josh started laughing as Veronica began asking, "What? What's a bikini game?"

Josh told the story at Ellie's insistence. "Ellie has an older sister, they're nearly identical except Angela has buck teeth."

Nick snorted and began laughing, "She's got them fixed now, but back then, that girl could eat an apple through a picket fence."

Josh continued, "I got to know Angela, she worked at Base Ops in the Weather office, and we'd hang out at the base pool together. She'd wear this tiny neon pink string bikini that was really revealing, but the guys didn't notice because of her buck teeth. And she has some big ol' boobs!" Josh held his hands in front of himself like he was clutching a pair of melons.

"Just like Ellie," agreed Nick, "Tig old bittys!" Ellie cupped her own full breasts and grinned.

"What's the joke?" asked Veronica.

"Angela gets orders to Iceland, so before she leaves along comes Ellie, she just got assigned to Hurlburt Field and we started flying together. I invited her to come along to the pool on a down day and she shows up wearing Angela's pink bikini."

"She wasn't going to need it in Iceland," said Ellie.

Josh nodded, "That's for sure. Anyhow, the guys freaked out. They were drooling and howling over Ellie, but they were the same guys that ignored Angela."

"Them boobies are something to behold," agreed Nick. Veronica didn't know what to think, here's Josh and Nick talking about Ellie's boobs like she was one of the guys.

"Anyhow, we're flying on a training mission and heading back to Hurlburt, and Craig is the only one on base who doesn't know about Angela by now, so he finally asked Ellie, "What's with your teeth? one day they're buck teeth, the next day they're normal," said Josh, and he started laughing so hard he couldn't get the words out.

Ellie sweetly smiled, "I said every now and then I forget and leave set in the blowjob position."

Veronica tried not to laugh but she lost it, "Oh thank goodness I wasn't drinking coffee when you said that. It would have come right out my nose."

"It was my proudest moment," smiled Ellie. Veronica realized that Ellie really was one of the guys. She doesn't put on airs, she's all girl, but she's all airman too.

"She was all over me to protect her from the throngs of boys who wanted a better view of those knockers," said Josh shaking his head. "In the end I introduced her to Nick just so I could relax at the pool."

"Happiest day of my life," said Nick as he and Josh bumped fists then he hugged Ellie and they kissed

"So, you were in the Air Force too?" asked Veronica.

"No," said Nick as he hugged Ellie. "I was the lifeguard at the base pool."

"What did you do Friday?" Veronica asked Ellie before Josh could stop her.

"It was nice and warm, so I just laid out at the pool here," Ellie grinned, she was obviously proud of herself. "A seven-month pregnant big-boobed blond with a metal leg and scars up and down her left side in a neon pink string bikini."

"So what happened?" Josh asked, mostly because he knew that Ellie would stand there grinning until someone asked.

"Folks did their damnedest trying to not look at me. Then this sweet old lady came up to me and asked, "My word! What happened to you?" smiled Ellie as she tried to imitate a sweet old lady.

"What did you say?" coaxed Josh.

"I pat my belly and said, "I met the man of my dreams!" Ellie hugged Nick's arm while rolling her eyes. Nick broke up laughing hard and Josh joined him in laughter while Veronica chuckled and shook her finger at Ellie.

"This was the first time I've been able to talk about Craig," said Josh sadly as they rose to leave. "I miss that guy."

"We miss him too," said Ellie softly. When they got to the car in the parking lot, Ellie turned to Josh and held his hands, "It was so good to see you again Redneck."

"It was good to see you too, Hellinore."

"I just want to say thank you," She took his hand and put it on her belly, and he felt a slight fluttering going on inside of Ellie. "She wouldn't be possible if you didn't save me."

"I'm just sorry I didn't save your leg; I didn't know how to set a tourniquet; I was so scared for you..."

"Shush!" Ellie demanded, "it couldn't be saved anyhow, it was too torn up by the canon fire." She placed both of his hands on her belly, "You brought me home to Nick, that's what matters." The fluttering was really starting to act up now and a look of wonder spread across Josh's face. "She knows you're here," Ellie whispered.

"It's... she's a girl?" gasped Josh, a glow of wonder spread over his face.

"Uh, huh," nodded Ellie. "Joshlyn Ephra Johnson, and you are going to be her godfather."

"I... uh... of course!"

Ellie chuckled and gave him a kiss on the cheek then got in the car. "The christening is going to be in November! I'll send you a card!"

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

And now they were alone together, it seemed to Veronica and Josh that there was always someone there with them wherever they were for the past few months. Being alone together in an exotic resort was like a cascade of freedom, they could go wherever they wanted, do whatever they wished, and no one was there to slow them down. The week was now spent playing in the surf with boogie boards and snorkels, paddle boarding on the Amelia River, boat tours of the local rivers and paddle boats among the little islands. In the evening they played miniature golf at beautiful parks filled with palm trees, live oaks covered with Spanish moss, waterfalls and ponds.

They had so much fun taunting and teasing each other that they played again at another park close to their resort. This course had beautiful tropical plants and a delightful eighteen-hole layout, a perfect source of fun after dinner one evening. As they played hot breeze swept down from Georgia turning the normally cool ocean front into an air fryer. With a grin Josh slipped off his polo shirt and kicked off his sandals and played wearing only his cargo shorts and his watch.

"No fair!" cried Veronica, "I'm hot too!"

"Yes, you are hot," grinned Josh. He walked up to her and kissed her passionately. As their tongues entwined his hands roamed all over her back and he discovered that she was not wearing a bra or panties of any kind. "Do you have a hair clip?" Josh asked breathlessly.

As Veronica dug a hair clip out of her purse, Josh rolled up the bottom of her polo shirt until the bottom of her shirt was right underneath her swelling breasts. He pulled it tight and clipped it in the back with her hair clip and now Veronica was playing wearing short-shorts and a polo shirt that revealed her entire midriff. "Now that is sexy!" said Josh as he took a picture of her with his phone, "were your nipples always that hard when you were modeling?"

"What?!? I'm not..."

"You are now," grinned Josh as her nipples were now clearly erect and pressing against the light cotton of the tightly pulled polo shirt.

"That's your fault," she said as she squeezed his cock through his shorts, if felt like he was going commando because she was able to feel the circumcised head of his swelling cock as she repeatedly squeezed his "package."

In return he cupped her mound and slipped a finger underneath her shorts and explored her trembling labia as they sweetly kissed. After they kissed, he teased her by bringing his finger to his lips and gently licking it. "I love your flavor," he groaned.

For her part, she was relieved that Josh was once again playful and joyful. He pulled her close and gave her a gentle kiss that slowly became aggressive kiss. A sudden rush of excitement coursed through her as he curled his fingers in her hair and gripped her tightly. As their lips parted, she found herself panting and wanting more. "It's hot out and you're getting sweaty," he said as he licked her neck.

"Girls don't get sweaty, we glow," she said as his tongue gently explored her ear which set off tingles that went straight to her clit.

Josh leaned back and said, "I thought glow meant that you just came."

Veronica looked a little sad, "In that case, I haven't glowed in a while."

Because of the nightmares that have been dominating his life there's been no glowing for either of them for a long time. "I'm so sorry baby, but I think things are getting better. Let's finish this game, then we'll go glow together. Winner gets to be on top," and he pulled her tight against him. She twisted around in his arms and rubbed her firm ass cheeks against the throbbing erection in Josh's shorts.

"You're on," she groaned as he pressed his hard cock against her butt and nibbled at her neck.

Now their game went to hell. Veronica couldn't concentrate on getting the ball into the hole when all she could think about was getting Josh into her hole. And the game almost devolved into something resembling their teasing, sex drenched pool games they mastered back in Buffalo.

This was a public course and they had to keep what clothes remained on their bodies, so they played, trying to distract each other as much as possible. Veronica became quite adept at acting like the grip of her putter was his cock and she pretended to lick and stroke it if no one was looking. For his part Josh became quite adept at thrusting his hips like he was fucking her, and occasionally grabbing the leg of his short and exposing his cock to her.

As they approached the 15th green a family with three children approached the first tee so their signals to each other had to be subtle. This added to their sexual frenzy because they began to whisper into each other's ears things they couldn't dare say out loud and they were starting to get more excited as they went. As they were preparing to putt for par, Josh came up to Veronica and held her tight from behind and rubbed his erection into her butt and whispered, "I am going to take you out on the balcony where anybody can see us and fuck you senseless."

Veronica gasped; did he know about her going out on the balcony naked to feel the Florida breezes on her bare skin? As he released her to putt, it took every bit of will power to keep from peeling off her shorts and screaming, "Do it now!" Her hands were shaking so badly that she six putted for a four over par. She regularly plays golf with her boss, Marcie Freedman, and Josh's boss Anthony Freedman and bests them almost every time. She could picture herself dragging Josh into the trees on the edge of the rough at Springville Country Club for an aggressive quickie before teeing off on number sixteen.

She was about to say something delightfully crude to her lover when he said, "Your fans are watching."

"What? Hmm?" and she turned to look where he was pointing and found two little girls standing, looking up at her.

"My mommy says you make magazines," said a tiny blond, barely five years old. She wore a unicorn t-shirt and a pink tutu and was holding a glittery pink putter. Her older sister was barely old enough for kindergarten and she was dressed in a t-shirt that showed a manatee and bright orange shorts. Both had long, bright blond hair.

"No, I don't make magazines honey," said Veronica as she crouched down to look the little blond in the eyes.

"She didn't say that" said the older one whose putter was also pink but not glittery. "She said you were ON magazines."

"Ok, that I used to do," smiled Veronica.

Just then the girl's mother came up and apologized, "I'm so sorry, it's just that you look like someone that was on a cover..."

"It's ok, I used to model," said Veronica, "About ten years ago I was on Cosmo, Elle, and a few others." Josh handed the fan his phone with all of Veronica's magazine cover shots saved.

"I remember that one!" gasped the fan. "And that one... and that one... and I did my hair just like this one for over a year!"

Veronica and her fan chatted for a while, before the mother said to the girls, "Let's let the nice lady play golf, we are playing over here at the start," and with their little hands waving the youngsters returned to the first tee to begin their games.

"Are they down here from Iowa to visit the house of mouse?" asked Josh. He had heard their introductions and caught that they were from Des Moines.

"Nope, SeaWorld. If we had another day I'd want to go too." SeaWorld sounded fun and exciting to Veronica but the chance to see Josh's past, learn his upbringing, discover his roots, and meet his relatives, which was the most important part of this trip to her. He met her dad, and they became friends, she is hoping to develop a relationship with his sister Ruth. But first... she held Josh's head still with both hands and grinned at him. Her eyes met with his and he saw a fire burning that he hasn't seen since she first grasped his cock in November.

"How would you like to take a shot at an unprotected ovary?"

They had talked about a baby earlier and decided that if they're going to do it, they better start now before they become old enough to be grandparents. She was coming close to the time when her IUD must be removed or replaced so she made an appointment with her OB/GYN to replace it a few months ago. "I can tell Dr. Shirah to just take it out," then she shoved her tongue deep into his mouth and gave him the most aggressive kiss she's ever experienced.

When they stopped, his eyes were spinning, and his lips were aching. How can he decide like that when the most beautiful woman he as ever met was squeezing his cock? The closest he came to a polite answer was, "Oh hell yeah..." then trying to recover his wits he looked at the beauty in his arms. The cries of the night creatures around them filled their ears as they kissed gently. Josh looked at Veronica and said softly, "let's finish this game upstairs."

Smiling, she led him to the front desk where they turned in their putters and score cards, "You didn't finish your game, is something wrong?" asked the clerk

"No, it's a great course, it just..." Josh thought for a moment then said, "I left some business unfinished, and I need to take care of it right away. Can we order dinner here, or is there a restaurant you suggest for delivery? We won't be free for the rest of the evening."

"Here is our room service menu," offered the clerk. Josh took one look at the menu, which didn't dare list prices. He hugged Veronica close, and she knew that Josh didn't understand a word on that menu. He's the kind of guy that gets the Quarter Pounder because the Whopper is "too fancy," so she hopped in to help.

"What kind of appetizer would you like?" she asked although she was pretty sure that he had no idea what any of the choices were.

"Well, we are here for the sea food," said Josh, "why not the Cioppino?" hoping that he sounded knowledgeable yet world weary like he envisioned the rich to be. "And the grouper at De Soto's was fabulous, let's try it here."

"Exactly," said Veronica in shock that he knew what Cioppino was, and she snapped the menu closed. "To start we'll have the Cioppino for two, then he'll have the grouper and I'll have the Pappardelle, bring us extra plates so we can share, then I'll have the Tiramisu and Mr. Gravely will have the Affogato. And let's make that for 9:30? Should we be ready for a break by then?"

Stunned by Veronica's professional bearing and her command of the Italian words, Josh tried to play along, he looked at his watch, it was 7:45. "Look at me," he said shaking his head, "I'm still on London time, I'm pretty sure we can work in a break by then."

"Nine thirty will be fine." She handed the menu to the desk clerk and smiled sweetly, "Thank you very much!" and Josh held out his arm and led her to the elevator. The doors had just closed on the elevator car when Josh popped the clip that held Veronica's shirt rolled up. "London time?" she laughed. "You nut!" Her shirt was loosened and now Josh was able to lift her shirt up and expose her breasts, he began to nibble and suck on her nipple.

"Ohhhh," she moaned, "you shouldn't do that, someone may see us," but her hands told a different story. One hand on the back of his head held his mouth to her throbbing tit, the other hand had a tight grasp on his upper arm, her nails just short of digging into his skin. One of his hands pressed against her shapely back, pushing her breast into his mouth, the other began rubbing her pussy from outside of her shorts. The sheer aggressiveness of his actions was a huge turn-on! If this were a date with a businessman in her past, she would have sent him across the elevator car with a black eye, but this was Josh, the man she passionately loved. She luxuriated in the erotic sensations he was stirring up, her hips moving in circles against his hand. "Yesssssss," she hissed, but through her heavily lidded eyes she saw that the elevator was stopping at six, their room was on seven. "Chocolate!" she gasped.

He immediately stopped and yanked her shirt down, he remembered! So long ago in early December when they chose to indulge their mutual kinky side with a bit of bondage, he gave her "Chocolate" as their safe word. As they straighten up before the door opened, she remembered cuddling with him in front of a warm fire, fully sexually satisfied for the first time in ages (maybe ever!) when he said, "Do you know how a guy knows that a girl truly loves him?"

"No, how?"

"She lets him tie her up and fuck her senseless on first date."

"Mmmm, you cracked the code," she had crooned as they snuggled. Snapping back to the present she hoped she looked presentable as a young mother and her five-year-old son stepped on the elevator and selected eight.

"Evenin'!" said Josh cheerily as his hand hidden behind Veronica's back slowly slipped inside of her shorts. "Y'all down here from the North to enjoy our weather?"

"Yes, actually," said the haggard looking woman, but she warmed to Josh's aw shuckin' Georgia accent.

"Where y'all from?"

"That's two y'all's," thought Veronica, that's a bit too homespun for him, then she realized that Josh was up to something when his hand cupped her firm asscheek and gave her a squeeze practically inviting her to squeak from the sensation.

"Pittsburg."

"What a small world! My wife is from Erie, but we live in Buffalo. Do you like it down here sport?"

Cheered that such a cool dude called him "sport" the boy grinned and nodded, "It's awesome! We're here to see my dad!" At the word dad his mother deflated, but Josh pretended not to notice.

"Well, y'all have a great time, ok?" and he held out a fist and the kid eagerly fist bumped the stranger and thankfully the door slid open.

As they stepped away from the elevator Josh's cheery façade quickly dimmed. "What's wrong?" Veronica asked.

"They get on at six and get off on eight to see the kid's dad. Clearly mom and dad are no longer together. The look on mom's face says she got dumped for a younger, prettier woman."

Veronica was terrified that the scene in going to send him into the depths of depression, because he was right, and it was a sad scene. "Nica, promise me that we work it out, if there's any problems at all, especially if we have kids, we work it out... we have to work it out." The look on his face said it all, he wasn't sad, he was determined. His marriage with his first wife failed when she moved another man into his house while he was serving in an overseas war, her first marriage failed when her fiancé ran off with her sister shortly before the wedding ceremony, they never got a chance to work it out.

"We will work it out... unless you're sleeping with my sister."

"If that happens, then you can kill me. No, I insist. Kill me."

"I want that in writing." When Veronica said that she turned around and walked backward a few steps to see the look on his face and seeing no one in the hall she skinned off her shirt and handed it to a shocked but delighted Josh. Oh god! As a model she changed her outfit in some of the least private places on earth, standing half naked in a room full of other girls, photographers, designers, agents, but this, a hotel hallway was incredibly sexy! Still halfway to their room with her bare breasts bobbing merrily with every step, she kicked off her sandals and handed them to Josh.

The feel of the hallway carpet against her bare feet was more than enough to push her to the next stage and she slid off her shorts and handed them to Josh also. "Oh god, I want to fuck you right here," he said softly.

"I don't think I'd have it in me to stop you," she said with a nervous smile. Her nipples were incredibly hard, and her clit was tingling as she waked totally naked down a long hotel hallway that seemed to be getting longer and longer. "Oh god, I'm going to run," gasped Veronica, she swore she could feel her moisture seep down the insides of her thighs.

"Won't do you any good," said Josh softly, "I've got the door key."

That hit a submissive key in her psyche, she swore that her clit went Ping! when he reminded her that he was the one that had control over hiding safely in their room, and he slid his shirt back on! Now she was completely naked walking next to a fully dressed man. It was so hot, so sexy, and as their fingers entwined, "Thank you so much for being so understanding, I've never felt such a love for anyone at all in my entire life," said Josh. As they came to their door, he paused to look at her in those magnificent light brown eyes, "I am so honored you chose me to be your husband," and he pushed the door open.

She was in agony, she's never been so horny in her life but in that moment their play became so romantic, so loving that she couldn't step through the door, she stood naked before her man, and they kissed long and tender until the sound of the elevator chime and a door opening down the hall reached them. Still kissing he guided her inside.

There inside the room she spun Josh around and pushed him against the door. "That was so..." He could see that her eyes were practically spinning with excitement. She drove her tongue into Josh's mouth and kissed him hard, her hips grinding against his pelvis.

When they finally broke the kiss he grinned, "We like a little exhibitionism?"

She gasped and caught her breath, "I don't know what it is," she paused to kiss him again, then said, "I've been out of the spotlight for years, I hated doing TV, I really hated the one movie I had a part in..."

"Wait, you were in a movie?" Josh was shocked that he had never heard about it.

"My scene ended up on the cutting room floor, it was one of those action movies and I played arm candy for Bruce Willis. We walk into a fancy gathering, I'm in a nice gown hanging on his left arm, he's in a tux and he tells me to get him a drink and sends me off. They cut the whole party scene."

"But you got to meet Bruce Willis!"

"Not really," she looked disappointed. "I spent forever in makeup, the gown was a cheap knock-off, I walked in, they did it in one take, we never said a word to each other, and I got two hundred dollars." Then she gushed, "the point is, that was so hot! Anyone could have stuck their head out the door and seen me! I think I wanted it to happen!"

Josh eased himself free and led her by hand out to the patio, the stars were wheeling overhead, the moon a huge spotlight bathing them in silvery iridescence, the warm air blowing in off the ocean bathed them in its humid embrace. "There, you can show off all you want here. Imagine the beach filled with people looking up here at your tits."

"I know! I feel so..." she shrugged making her boobs bounced delightfully. "I want to join a nudist colony!" She stepped up to the rail and offered the beach a view of her marvelous breasts.

"Let's do baby steps," said Josh. "All summer long you have a cabin and a scout camp we can convert to a nudist colony." When she looked interested Josh said, "You can try nude fishing."

"Maybe Macy will go fishing with me!"

"She's married to a preacher; I don't think that will happen." Josh moved up behind Veronica and began nibbling on her neck in the places where she loves to be nibbled the most.

"I'm still going to ask," groaned Veronica as Josh's hand graveled over her belly and breasts.

Just as a finger made gentle contact with her pussy, Josh nibbled on her sensitive earlobe and whispered. "look across the courtyard, we have an audience."

Their hotel was shaped like a large, squared letter U surrounding the resort and facing the beach, their leg of the U faces northward and their audience was facing south toward them. The moonlight revealed that their audience was a couple, though the man looked older than the woman and he moved behind his lover and started removing her clothing until she was nude as Veronica. "Looks like we're in a nudist colony now," chuckled Josh as his middle finger traced gentle circled around her clit.

Veronica was transfixed watching the couple far across the courtyard. That woman's breasts were larger than hers and they sagged, her hair was much longer, and she was studying Veronica as Josh began to drive Veronica out of her mind. Their watcher had his hand over the other woman's pussy and Veronica couldn't tell what he was doing but must have been good because the woman was arching her back in pleasure.

They watched as their watcher grabbed a large breast on the woman across the way and with his unoccupied hand Josh grabbed Veronica's left breast and he began pinching and twisting her nipple. Veronica rolled her head back and groaned as the unknown couple across the court watched her. "Is it a turn-on letting them watch you?"

"No... Yes... I don't know," groaned Veronica as conflicting emotions and feeling raced through her. The only thing she knew for sure was that Josh was slowly driving her out of her mind. His tongue began to lick up and down her back, going lower and lower with each pass until his tongue began exploring between her ass cheeks. "No... stop..." she gasped. It was too embarrassing to have a man's tongue there... but it felt so good!

Now his tongue was pressing hard against her tight little pore, trying to force its way into her ass. It felt so good, but she wasn't in the mood to experiment, she just wanted to love Josh. She turned and urged Josh up to a standing position then she started to kneel before him, but he stopped her and pulled her back up. "I want to!" whined Veronica.

"No, you've done so much for me, this night is for you." He led her to a chair on the balcony, their watchers completely forgotten. Veronica sat and Josh took off his polo shirt, then knelt on it and leaned forward. He began kissing his way up her sensitive thighs to her pussy, unlike so many times previously he didn't tease, he lifted her shapely legs onto his shoulders and began licking gently at her pussy.

Veronica jumped when his tongue began to work its way into her vagina, she was so worked up from their teasing and playing on the golf course and now showing off to the neighbors that she was almost ready to cum before he started. She held his head to her pussy; her feet were flat on his shoulder blades. "Ohhh... Oh Godddd... Josh, you're making me... aaaaaahhhh"

She was now babbling incoherently as she pressed her pussy up against his mouth. It didn't take her long at all, she's been waiting for this for a long time, her poor man has been so messed up in the head but now he's making up for it, and then some! His tongue is perfect both gentle and insistent, his hands were stroking the sensitive portions of her legs, he's reading her mind, whenever she wants a little more, he's there to provide it... and now he eased two fingers into her pussy and began sawing insistently in and out, spreading her open, driving her out of her mind. "Mmmmm sooo good..." Her head lolled side to side as he gently pushed her closer and closer to the edge.

Veronica grabbed her tits and squeezed hard as the waves of her orgasm washed over her, "I'm cumming Effi! I'm cumming!" Josh loved it so much when she told him she was coming, it was applause, it was like his reward for a job well done. "Oh god! Yeeeeeesssssss!" She held his head wishing for the millionth time that he would grow his hair out so she could twine her fingers in it as she came.

Wave after wave of release crashed over her, washing away the cares and woes of the past few weeks and the sensations became too much and she pushed Josh away, he was so good about that. Some men get so insecure when she did that, but Josh just knows that too much of a good thing can be almost painful.

Josh pulled away and Veronica raised her heavy eyelids to see what he was up to, and discovered that he was taking off his shorts. "Mmmm, gimme," she smiled as his erect cock sprang free and slapped against his stomach. He stepped closer and she turned her head and opened her mouth. Josh leaned over and eased the head of his cock into her open mouth, and she began to gently suckle on his cock.

With a smile Josh growled like the monster in Young Frankenstein, "MMMMMMM!" and that caused Veronica to waggle her eyebrows at Josh and she began to get aggressive with his cock, her mouth sliding up and down his length, coaxing him to become harder if that were possible. He tried to pull his cock free, but she refused to release his cock and sucked him hard keeping him trapped in her mouth. He finally pulled free by tickling her causing her to laugh and release his cock.

"Awww, you cheated," she complained.

"I'm not done with you," he grinned. Josh would have loved to finish off in Veronica's mouth, which tends to be an incredibly powerful orgasm, but he wants to cum with her. He knelt at her feet and pulled her butt to the edge of the chair and said, "Gimme that pussy!"

"You country boys are so uncouth, aaahhh!" Her eyes rolled back as his saliva covered cock slid easily into her pussy, stretching her out and filling her. "Oh Effi!" she gasped as he pushed in as deep as possible. She wrapped her legs around his waist and began to spur him on using her heels to urge him to go faster, deeper. She grabbed the sides of his head and their eyes met, "Wherever you lead, I'll follow." She wrapped herself around him and they kissed long and deep.

It seemed like they fucked forever, it was so delightful to be back inside Veronica, driving her to higher and higher peaks of pleasure, but Josh had a surprise for her. When she started cumming again, and she wrapped her legs around him and linked her ankles, he pulled her close and rocked back and before she realized what was happening, he was standing while they were still linked. "Effi don't! I'm too big! I'll hurt your back. She does stand about the same height as Josh, but she isn't heavy by any measure, but he held her butt while she let her feet down to the patio floor. "Don't do that," she admonished, but Josh pulled out and whirled around said, "Grab the railing Nica."

"What?" she didn't quite understand what he was going to do, but she grabbed the railing as he kicked her feet apart and lined his cock back up with her sodden pussy. As always, she welcomed his cock inside her with an eyerolling groan of pleasure. She was just starting to understand what was going on when he grabbed her hips and said, "Hang on sweetie!" and he began to fuck passionately and savagely.

"Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!" she grunted with each pounding stroke of his cock. Her body shook with each slap of his groin against her upturned ass, her breasts were hanging free as bent over and grasped the railing for support.

"They can see you," whispered Josh, "They can't tell who you are, but they can see you. They see your beautiful body; they can hear us, they can see us, they can't see the details, but they know what we are doing."

"Oh god!" she cried in a tiny, strangled voice. His words went straight to her cunt, she began to grunt and push back at his cock, the thought of all those invisible people looking at her getting the fucking of her life spurred her on to another orgasm. "Fuck me Effi," she gasped, her body started shaking and shuddering uncontrollably as another orgasm took over and shook her. She tried to hold back her screams by biting her lower lip.

His strokes were getting harder and more savage, almost maniacal, all she could do was cling to the rail as she came down from that mind warping orgasm. Josh tensed up and he began to cry, "Nica, I'm cummmmiinnnngggg!"

With a savage growl his cock began to shoot volley after volley of his sperm deep inside of her, his orgasm was supercharged by the relief of the past week and the thought that soon her ovaries will be receptive. "Oh God Nica," he sighed as he collapsed on her back panting, and they sank to the deck. As they curled up together the sound of applause came from across the courtyard. Josh kissed her neck as they panted and said, "You're a star, your fans love you."

"I can't believe you did that," she gasped.

"I wasn't alone," he said as he helped her up to her wobbly legs.

After a quick but loving shower they sat down to a gourmet meal that completely befuddled Josh. "Our appetizer is Cioppino, what is that?"

"I thought you knew, you asked for it like you owned it."

"No, I just saw that it was seafood something, so I ordered it... like a boss."

She laughed as she set his bowl from the taurine. "It's a seafood stew, ours has clams, shrimp and grouper," said Veronica as she fed Josh a spoonful containing grouper.

"Oh, that's a good fish," Josh said as he enjoyed the salty, fish-based broth. "What else did we get?"

Veronica made up plates of the two different entrees, "We got grouper with blue crab parmesan crust, and we also got Pappardelle which is a wide fettuccine noodle with locally caught shrimp."

"I've always loved grouper. I could live on grouper and cod," he said as he sampled the Cioppino again.

She then smiled and patted the insulated containers. "For dessert I'm having tiramisu..."

"Girl food..."

"Yes, it is, and you're having affogato, which is vanilla gelato with espresso and espresso coffee liqueur."

"That will keep me up all night."

"That's the idea," she grinned.

"Marry me," he said as he leaned over and kissed her.

"I think that's already on the schedule," she said before Josh fed her a small bit of the Pappardelle noodle and shrimp.

"No, I mean, right away. We'll elope, go see a judge, get all the legal stuff done." He suddenly grew cold. "I'm not saying that I'm planning anything, but I don't know... so many of us veterans... we..."

She was both scared and angry. "You're not considering suicide!"

"NO! I'm not, now that I've found you, I'm not giving you up. But you've seen how my head gets all fucked up... I don't have much, but I want to make sure that the cabin goes to you... just in case there's an accident..."

"I will think about it," said Veronica.

"Please, don't shut me out like that, let's talk about it," and as they fed each other they made plans for the rest of their lives.

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

The rest of their week was filled with exploring this little corner of Florida and Georgia and exploring their love. So much had changed in the area since Josh left that he was amazed at how life for the locals had improved so much. He finally understood why Veronica was excited to come down here, there was so much to see and do, he was so used to wanting to get away that he never looked back at what had become of the area. Finally, after a tour of the Okefenokee swamp and a lunch that included gator tail and frogs' legs, Josh took Veronica to a nice, upper middle-class neighborhood just outside of Historic St. Mary's GA.

"This is where I grew up," he announced as they stopped at a beautiful suburban corner. "Right over there," he said as he pointed to a well-maintained split level. Toys and multicolored sidewalk chalk art told Veronica that there was love in that house.

"This is nice," said Veronica as she looked from house to house. There were beautiful homes, manicured lawns, tropical gardens, new SUVs in every driveway. "That house was yours?"

"No. None of them existed," said Josh. "This is all new, my past has been plowed under and a new world has been built up on top of the ashes." Veronica couldn't read Josh's expression to tell if he was relieved it was all gone or if he missed the old neighborhood, he had become good at hiding his feelings. "Come on, let me show you where my sister lives."

Not far away they entered a different world, where the palms and gardens of the new Georgia gave way to the ancient pines and live oak trees of the old south. Spanish moss swayed in the breeze hanging from the branches of dozens of gnarled old trees, the modern split level HOA managed works of modern construction gave way to ancient, mold and rust covered trailers and shacks. The manicured lawns gave way to bare dirt that was covered with ancient vehicles and weeds.

They pulled up to an ancient house covered with decades of neglect. A huge porch was filled with the detritus of years of hard work and harder drinking. A garage stood nearby, an old chevy pickup was nearly invisible beneath the collection of ancient debris piled up around the old truck. "This was my Aunt Dixie's place, it's pretty close to what I grew up in. That's probably why Ruth lives here."

"You grew up in this?" hissed Veronica.

An ancient looking woman sat on the porch glaring at them as they approached, carefully avoiding the trash that collected on the yard. Josh stood in front of the porch and called up, "Hey Ruth."

She glared at Josh and after a long time said, "What do you want?"

Veronica was shocked, she knew that Ruth was sixteen when Josh was born, but this woman looked twice his age. Her hair was gray, her skin was yellowish and hung off her bones, her eyes were cloudy and unfocused.

"I come by to say hi, see if there's anything you need."

"I need you to get off of my lawn."

Josh sighed; it was like this every time he came by, it's always a fight. He knew he wasn't wanted when he was a child, he didn't need constant reminding of that fact which is why he left as soon as he could. He stopped coming around after being ignored every time he would come by on leave. "Do you want me to come up there with you?"

"No, I want you and your slut to go away."

That was it. You can call Josh anything you wanted but insulting Veronica was unforgivable. He took an envelope from his pocket and laid it on the porch and under a stream of insults he turned and led Veronica back to the rental. "That was your sister?"

"Yeah," sighed Josh.

"You grew up with that?"

Josh shrugged. "She's mellowed over the years." He suddenly cheered up, "I want a cigar, let's go get a drink and a cigar."

"What brought that on?" laughed Veronica.

"You're going to want to talk about my upbringing and I'm going to need some unwinding when we're done. Anthony told me of a nice cigar bar in Jacksonville, let's give it a try."

"Ok, let's go." This guy comes up with the strangest ideas, Veronica thought.

As they drove Josh talked about being brought up by parents who were not wild about having another mouth to feed but couldn't bring themselves to put Josh up for adoption. Josh told Veronica how he practically raised himself because both parents were at work all day long and his sister was gone by the time he could walk. "At least mom packed a lunch for me for school," he said as they headed south on 95, "I think there was some love there, mom didn't know how to show it." And that was it, Veronica was saddened by his story. It wasn't outright neglect, but it wasn't a loving situation either.

As they crossed back into Florida Josh said, "When we have kids, please teach me how to love them properly, you were brought up in a loving family, you'll know what I need to learn."

She patted his knee, "you'll do fine."

An hour later after stopping by the hotel to change, they arrived at a well-stocked cigar humidor where Josh selected his favorite, a Romeo y Julietta 1875 Reserva Real, and for Veronica they selected a slim, elegant Macanudo Café Portofino, a slim cigar that came in an aluminum tube. At the register they were asked if they would be enjoying the cigars there or taking them along.

As Josh paid the man he said, "We will be smoking them here, and I was told to ask for Cindy."

"Very good, take the staircase to the left."

Josh looked uncomfortable wearing a tie in the Florida heat, but Veronica felt comfortable in her light and cheery sundress. The cigar bar they were entering had a strict dress policy, women in dresses of any design or conform to the men's code, the men must wear slacks, no shorts or blue jeans, and they must wear a shirt with collar, no t-shirts. A tie is optional unless you want a waitress. Veronica soon discovered that the waitresses were young women between 21 and 30, all wearing a little black dress that screamed "Fuck Me!"

"Did you bring our cigars?" Veronica asked.

"The waitress will bring them, she'll cut them, and she'll toast the foot also," said Josh as the hostess seated them. Their table was a low coffee table, and their chairs were comfortable easy chairs. The coffee table held ash trays, a lighter that looked like an old-fashioned blow torch, and a collection of magazines and bound anthologies of short stories. The walls were paneled with dark wood and ornamentation and light fixtures were all brass.

Veronica took a deep breath and drew in the smell of wood, leather, and tobacco, both cigar and fragrant pipe tobacco. "Ohhh I love that smell," sighed Veronica.

"Which smell is that?" asked their waitress Cindy as she came up behind Veronica.

"Men!" sighed Veronica. "My dad's basement smelled like this. He worked on his wood projects and his radios, and he smoked the most wonderful..." suddenly the waitress came into view. She was a short girl with dark brunette hair, hazel eyes and a luscious figure encased in a little black dress. A look of shock and recognition came over them both as Cindy and Veronica's eyes met. "Audrey?" gasped Veronica.

Audrey was just as shocked to see the two people she wanted to see even more than anyone. "I'm sorry Miss von Köster, you must have confused me with somebody else, my name is Cindy."

Veronica began to sputter but Josh held her hand and said, "Hi Cindy, I'm Josh and this is my wife, Veronica. We signed in as Mr. and Mrs. Gravely so I'm not sure where the name von Köster came from."

"Busted," said Audrey softly, "but please don't say anything to anybody."

Josh nodded and continued, "We're down here from Western New York, I grew up around here and I'm showing the new missus the sights. Right darling?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah." Veronica was lost in the memories of Audrey Mitchell. She was one of the first people Veronica met at Andalon, and even though Audrey wasn't an employee, she was a fixture in the office. She was an overjoyed gofer who ran errands for her dad and when she turned eighteen, she became his favorite sidepiece. Veronica was hired as Anthony and Marjorie's Executive Assistant charged with reigning in the VPs and keeping Anthony on an even keel, along with running Marjorie's adoption assistance organization. Audrey fell in love with the tall, beautiful, competent beauty queen Veronica von Köster and soon Audrey assigned herself as the Executive Assistant to the Executive Assistant and Veronica wanted for nothing. Her coffee cup was always hot and full, her papers organized, her lunch was always ready on time. In return Veronica paid Audrey for her work with lessons on makeup (VERY important for a teenage girl) and lessons on boys.

Audrey was the little sister that Veronica always wanted.

As they talked Cindy brought them drinks and prepared to light the cigars. Lighting a cigar is a ceremony unto itself, and Cindy showed Veronica the proper way to inspect the cigar, feel for soft spots and areas that were too tight. A quality cigar is hand made so no two are exactly alike so one must check for imperfections along with signs of a good wrap that makes a good cigar. Then the cap is cut and the foot, which is the open end of the cigar, is toasted. A lighter is used to toast the tobacco on the foot so that when you do light the cigar, the foot lights evenly.

"So... when did you two get married?" asked a nervous Cindy/Audrey.

"Well, not yet, but we decided last night to get married legally as soon as we can so in case something happens there will be no questions when it comes to ownership of the house or the cabin or any other property, then we'll have a nice ceremony in the woods later in the late summer, early fall," said Josh. "Did the uh... protection move you down here?"

"No, we were in Kansas," Audrey said quietly, "dad was driving me crazy, so were the cops so I quit witness protection, they moved mom and dad somewhere else."

Veronica sat on the coffee table and held Audrey's hands. "How did you get here?"

"Anthony," she said sadly. "He felt so bad about what happened and how I got involved, he reached out to me and told me to keep my new identity, then sent me here, and he told me to hang on for a month or two and he'd send someone here to talk to me."

"That son of a bitch," chuckled Josh. "Well, I guess that's us." He showed his phone to Audrey and Veronica, it was a text message he got from Anthony

<kbd> Do me a favor, go to Jax Cigars, have a cigar and talk to Cindy for me. It's important, thanks. </kbd>

"I am looking for someone to help me plan the wedding," said Veronica, "and a governess for when children come along and maybe help with dad." She looked back over her shoulder at Josh, she wanted to ask him if her dad could live with them this summer.

"Ummm what if she doesn't know much about children?" asked Audrey nervously.

"Well..." said Josh as he looked at Veronica. Veronica had that pleading look in her eye she gets whenever she's in an ice cream store and she wants Josh to buy a cone. (He eats most of the cone, but he gets a flavor she likes so she can get an occasional lick.) "Our neighbors have three kids, and their nanny could use some help, a governess could learn a lot helping Ye-jin out."

"I might be available," said Cindy/Audrey excitedly.

~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~

Life at the von Köster/Gravely house is going to be a bit different this summer. Sex anywhere in the house still occurred, but that will come to a halt in a few weeks when Audrey arrives. They'll have to wait until their governess has retired to the in-law suite in the back, and Josh couldn't prove it, but he was sure that Veronica was planning on giving Cindy/Audrey pool lessons.

Josh and Veronica returned to the cold, rainy north and spent Saturday night in front of a fire, Sunday was spent going through mail and telling Paul and Andi Jarecki all about their adventures until Veronica excused herself and crawled into bed for an afternoon nap.

As Macy said it would happen, the phone rang right on schedule. "Hello, Mr. Gravely? I'm Helen Lennox, Macy Jarecki asked me to speak with you, do you have a minute? I want to see if there is something that I can do to help."

Josh looked out the front window at the gray landscape, the snowman that he and Veronica made a few months ago was now a bent, sooty obelisk, the lawn was starting to show through. The two mountains of snow they built after the blizzard that brought them together were now small waist high mounds covered with soot, and just beyond the street had streams on each side, the streams were rushing with melting snow run-off, and he wondered what the creek that fills his pond at the cabin looked like.

He walked to the sunroom as he said to Dr. Lennox, "Yes, by all means. I truly believe that we need to have a conversation." He sat down in the sunroom, the warm honey color of the natural southern yellow pine paneling lightened his mood, but to be honest what he desired most was to slide into bed with Veronica and take a nap.

"Macy told me that you believed that you were dealing with PTSD, can you tell me why you believe that?"

"Well doc, right now my life is a dream. I'm living in a dream that I never could have imagined... I grew up dirt poor, the late in life son of a pair of alcoholic paper mill workers. Now I'm engaged to a former fashion model, she once was Miss Ohio and is now a successful business executive. We have money, a house, and a cabin on fifty acres, we have a Lincoln and a new Jeep in the driveway. She's the woman of my dreams and we love each other dearly, and... I..." Josh took a deep breath and blurted out the thing that terrified him the most, "I don't know if any of this is real."

"Why don't you think it's real?" Helen asked.

Josh took a deep breath and said, "Several years ago I was on a classified mission leading a weapons team abord an AC-130 gunship, do you know what that is?"

"I can't say that I do; can you fill me in Mr. Gravely?"

"It's a cargo aircraft with a machine gun and a canon pointing out the side, a tail spitting out glide bombs and wing pylons firing Hellfire missiles. It was our job to load and maintain the guns in flight, I was the leader of the weapons team."

"I see, go on."

"Ok, on a flight over enemy held territory we were shooting down at the bad guys, and the bad guys were shooting back up at us and they shot us up pretty bad. They knocked out our guns, killed a kid that worked for me... he was my friend... they blew a big hole in the side of the plane and another good friend and subordinate got sucked out the hole..." Josh squeezed his eyes closed and paused to let the wave of sorrow pass. "...everybody was injured but me. I was ok." The horror of the dark shot up airplane was coming back. Thanks lady.

"I can see where that could..." started Helen, the was starting to think "survivors' guilt" but Josh interrupted her with the rest of the story.

"Ellie, she went out the hole... but she was on a safety strap, and I went to pull her back into the plane, but my boots were covered with blood, and I slipped and fell out the hole."

"You fell out of a flying airplane?" The doctor was good, she didn't overtly sound panicky, but there was a tinge of concern in her voice.

"Yes ma'am. I think another crew member caught me and pulled me back in then we pulled my friend in. I patched up my injured team members... I put a tourniquet on Ellie's leg but she lost the leg... I didn't get strapped in and when we landed, it was a rough landing, I bounced off the guns breaking bones and puncturin' my body just about everywhere. When we came to a stop I was laying on my dead friends body."

"And how would you rate your health now?" asked Lennox.

"Physically ok I guess... my back is messed up and my knee was trashed so I can't run or do any really heavy lifting, my only complaint is the confusion." Now he started to panic

"What confusion is that?" Now she sounded concerned.

"It's too perfect... I got a chest full of ribbons, a job I can't wait to start every morning, I have a stretch of land that I love, a cabin that is perfect, and a woman that loves me unconditionally. She's a beauty queen, she's so pretty that I weep with joy every time she smiles at me..."

"Go on," Helen said softly.

"I think maybe I broke my neck and if I open my eyes, I'll see that I'm still laying on Craig's body... or maybe Hailstorm didn't pull me back in, maybe hauling me back in is all a dream and I lost my grip on Ellie's safety line and I'm falling... going to hit the ground at any moment..."

Helen furiously scribbled notes on her pad, if she didn't, she'd be as close to weeping as Josh was. "Do you ever feel like harming yourself?"

Josh took a deep, shaking breath and continued. He suddenly felt an urge to dump it on her; he felt the confusion and sorrow welling up. "Sometimes it's all too much, I didn't earn any of this... I don't deserve so much love... sometimes I think that I need to end this before I hurt Nica... or before I hit the ground..."

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In 2021, a study found that 30,177 active-duty personnel and veterans who served in the military after 9/11 had died by suicide - compared to the 7,057 service members killed in combat in those same 20 years.

Suicide rates are especially high among older veterans. According to the VA, in 2016, 58% of all veterans that committed suicide were aged 55 years or older. These men and women who volunteered to fight for your security and freedom are committing suicide at such rates that the VA is completely befuddled and unable to handle the task and is offering a $3 million prize to whomever can come up with a solution to the problem.

If you have a veteran in your life who is at risk, or if you are a veteran and are overwhelmed, please call the Veterans Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255

For help for homeless Veterans please call 1-877-424-3838

For Women's veterans issues please call 1-855-VA-WOMEN

If you are a care giver for a veteran and you need help or maybe just some encouragement, please call the VA's care giver support line at 1-855-260-3274