My freshman year in college had started so well. Adjusting to classes was easy, I'd made friends, and I'd even gotten some playing time on the soccer field, which was almost unheard of for a first-year student at a Division I school. And, maybe not most importantly but certainly part of well everything started, I'd gotten a gorgeous roommate.

I had gone to college with the intent of landing a girlfriend, and though I initially put my roommate off limits, Lauren O'Dell was extremely hot and I'm not made of stone. She had this long-limbed athletic body, long black hair, a beach goddess tan, and big blue eyes. It took me a semester and a half, but I'd finally gotten her into bed on the night before spring break.

The problem was, the night in question had included her equally gorgeous boyfriend Ash Campbell. We'd had a threesome, the hottest sex of my admittedly limited experience. Things had been going great. My roommate was learned she wasn't as straight as she thought. Everything was going perfectly. Then Ash, the idiot, had to pull out of her to finish inside me, and that's not something a woman is going to forgive. She'd dumped him and things had gotten awkward between Lauren and me for the remainder of the year.

To make matters worse, I wanted both of them. Every time I thought of that night, I wanted to smack the side of his head. We could have been together, the three of us. A whole semester of nothing but that night. Maybe even the next year too. Then annoyance turned to fantasy and inevitably I was rubbing myself raw.

When I flew home for the summer, I looked at it as a reset. I could spend a couple months away from the drama, get my head on straight, maybe remind myself who I was. Then, with a clear head I could go back to school and actually find a woman. Or possibly Ash. Or both and I could teach him to be a little bit less of a dumbass.

This was why I needed a reset.

My mom picked me up at the airport and took me back to our little cottage-style house a block away from the Sound. She was full of questions and I answered all the ones that didn't involve my love life. She didn't need to hear about her little girl having a mind-blowing three way.

My room was exactly as I left it. I couldn't help but think it was the room of a child, and whatever I was now, it was no longer that. My soccer trophies gathered dust on the shelves. My poster of Katy Perry, there only for an adolescent crush, and the framed classic poster of 1938's The Adventures of Robin Hood, the movie that made me want to make movies, had their places of honor against the floral wallpaper. The cat, a gray tub mom had named Romeo, roused himself from my pillow long enough for some ear scratches, wandering off when I put my suitcase on the bed next to him.

I opened my suitcase and pulled out my stuffed otter Egbert. Wherever I went, he went. I set him on my pillow, a place of honor he'd earned over our long friendship.

"Home again," I said to him.

As usual, he didn't have a response, but his plastic eyes contained multitudes.

I unpacked my suitcase, putting things in drawers that felt at once alien and familiar. My room had its own bathroom, and I went in there and started to run the bath. Seashells I'd collected as a kid, the few that survived housecleaning purges, sat in a jar by the sink. I looked at myself in the mirror.

Over the previous winter break, I'd dyed my hair midnight purple, but now I had about three inches of dark brown roots. What had been a kicky pixie cut was now a shaggy nothing. I ran my hands through it, resolving to get it cut and dyed as soon as I could. When I left for school, part of my reinvention had been that transformation, and I wanted it back.

I pulled off my top, then stepped out of my shorts and panties, standing before the mirror now completely nude. I was a couple inches taller than average, and I had the kind of athletic build that came with being a collegiate soccer player. My breasts were orange-sized and attractively round with small, brownish-pink nipples. I thought they were pretty, and since I liked women, I figured I had more of an objective take on it than most.

My skin was a pale gold that darkened to bronze in the summer sun. I turned in the mirror, muscles moving beneath the last vestiges of baby fat. I hadn't shaved my pussy in a week, and stubble was beginning to bloom on my modest lips. I ran a hand over them. While it felt a little silly to shave without anyone to appreciate it, I also felt grungy whenever I didn't. Even this errant touch was enough to pull gooseflesh over me like a cloak. I generally kept to a once-a-day masturbation schedule but I'd had to cut back in college a bit. I was looking forward to getting back to it.

I stepped into the warm water and lay down against the porcelain.

I was facing a conundrum. When I left for school, I had left, in my mind. Left my old life, my old ways of doing things. I was stepping into a new life. For some reason, I thought I'd never be home, which was pretty silly, considering that I wasn't planning to actually stay anywhere over the summer. But that's part of what being eighteen was about: being completely certain about completely incorrect things.

When I'd come home over winter break, I'd avoided just about everyone, only hanging out with my old best friend Nicole Lopez. While I didn't have anything against the old gang, there was one person I desperately needed to avoid.

Sarah Sutter.

My ex-girlfriend, who I had broken up with before going off to school. We'd been together our senior year of high school and the summer after. We weren't exactly out, but anyone who mattered to us knew except for her parents. In public, we were just pals. No kissing, no holding hands. All the really fun stuff had been in private. She lived in fear that her parents, or somebody from her church, would see. I wanted to be out with a girlfriend, and Sarah had two strikes. Sarah would never be out, and besides, she was going to a different college than me. I wanted to be free as a bird for all the women I assumed would be looking to figure themselves out.

Sarah Sutter was home for the summer. There was no way I wouldn't run into her. And maybe this sounds stuck up, but I'd be willing to bet Sarah would try to get me back. That would be falling back into the old me. But there was some comfort there. I knew the rules. I knew what was expected of me. I wouldn't have the highs, but the lows were known and tolerable. But the unknowable, what I faced when I went to school, was a siren song.

I turned the faucet off with my foot and stared up at the ceiling. The summer would be what I made of it.

Olympia, Washington is magical in the summer. Perfect weather, blue skies dotted with puffy clouds, a breeze off the Puget Sound. I spent high school working at the local multiplex and I got a summer job there. Steve, the manager, knew I could do whatever was needed, from tearing tickets to being a projectionist, and he figured a buck over minimum wage would do it. Me, I just wanted to have a little money in my pocket.

The group at the multiplex was a mix of burnouts and students. Either this was a seasonal gig for afterschool money, or it was the regrettable consequence of bad choices. The burnouts at least were happy to see me. Shelly Zbornak, the main projectionist was still there. He was the only one who could beat me at movie trivia, and though he looked like a combination of Jabba the Hutt and an old ham sandwich, he was my favorite person to hang out with. Best part is I never caught him ogling me. I don't know what Shelly's deal was, gay, straight, or anything. Far as I knew, he was a moviesexual and I could respect that.

"Natalie Cho," Shelly said, leaning back in his chair with a grin. "Finally, somebody with some goddamn taste."

"It's not that bad here."

He shook his head. "The kids Steve hired this year don't know Bloodrayne from Singin' in the Rain. It's depressing is what it is."

"You got me till the end of August."

"I'll stock up on good conversation now. How's school treating you?" I must have made a face, because he chuckled. "That good, huh?"

"It's just complicated is all."

He nodded. Most of the hair on his head was gone, leaving a stringy ring of gray. "That's the nice part about movies, isn't it? Complicated as they can be, they end."

I had to laugh. "I'll bring up your food in an hour. Same order?"

"I'm too old to change now." Every shift, Shelly got a tub of popcorn, pack of Red Vines, and a Mr Pibb. Couldn't be good for him, but like he said, he was too old to change.

I was clocking out of my first shift, going out into the larger shopping center that the multiplex was part of, thinking of the food court options. For whatever reason, the off-brand Chinese place, named with incredible creativity CHINESE FOOD, was incredible. I'd been dreaming of the orange chicken all summer. Those thoughts went right out of my head when I saw who was waiting for me.

Nicole Lopez's smile was unsure but her wave was eager, like she couldn't figure out which was which. My best friend since the sixth grade and she was acting like she wasn't sure I would be happy to see her. I jogged over and threw my arms around her. "I didn't think you'd come all the way out here," I said in a deep voice.

She giggled at our inside joke--I'd explain it, but it's from the 8th grade and you'd have to be there. "I'm sorry, your mom said you'd be down here. I wasn't sure you wanted to see me."

"Why the fuck not?"

"You didn't call."

"Oh yeah. Sorry, I was kind of getting my feet under me. Hey, you hungry? I was going to head over to the food court."

"Let's go."

In ten minutes, we were sitting across from each other at a plastic table, me with my fragrant chicken and noodles in front of me, and Nicole with her curry and rice. Nicole was pretty, but I never thought of her that way. A good thing, since she's straight. She was short and olive skinned, with a pleasant roundness that made her popular with guys who liked curves.

We caught up a little about school. She'd gone back east on a PoliSci scholarship. She was always more serious than I was. No boyfriend, but the way she said it made it sound like there was a story she'd tell me at some point.

"Have you seen anybody else?" I asked. "From school I mean."

"Yeah, pretty much everybody's back for the summer. Everyone but you is...bigger." She held her hands out and puffed up her cheeks.

"The benefits of playing soccer."

Nicole sighed. "I should have done that."

"You look incredible," I said sincerely. "And remember, expert here."

She giggled. "Thanks. I could always use the ego boost."

"So...everybody is back..." I said, moving some noodles around my plate.

"Sarah too. I saw her the other day. We hung out at Lorraine's. She asked about you."

"What did you say?"

"The truth. I hadn't heard from you other than emails at school."

I nodded. "Right."

"Was there something I should have said?"

"I don't know."

"You didn't exactly leave it well with her."

"No, I did not."

"And you're single."

"Oh yeah."

Nicole laughed. "Sounds like it's gonna be a fun summer for you."

"Not if I stay the hell away from Sarah."

"Good luck with that," Nicole said with a smirk.

I had Fridays and Saturdays off. Thursday night I almost called Nicole, but I needed to run. My morning jogs just weren't doing it for me. My senior year, during the off-season, I'd gone to a local park for the pickup games that invariably started after dark.

I put on my shorts and old Abby Wambach jersey and drove down after dinner. I nearly picked my old high school jersey, Cho, number 20. That felt like tempting fate. I got down to the park where the sodium lights blazed out over the field, the players gathering. I laced up my cleats and jogged out onto the spongy grass.

There's nothing like the smell of a soccer field at night in Washington State. There's the turf, chewed by cleats, both soil and grass in equal measure. Then there's the sweat of the players, yours and theirs, turning cold on your skin. The synthetic leather of the ball and the impact of a kick. Because it's Washington, the smells linger in the air, lightly flavored in pine and salt. Nothing like it at all.

I recognized a few faces. One, however was new. I felt my heart give me a kick.

She was tall, taller than all the women and some of the guys, with a long and lithe form of a volleyball player. Her long brown hair was pulled into a high ponytail, the ends pleasantly wavy. Her gray eyes were feline, under dark, arched brows. Her nose was prominent, her lips narrow over a stubborn chin. She was busty too, that much I could see even under her jersey where a sports bra heroically fought to keep her under control. I immediately hoped I'd be on her team.

Of course I wasn't.

I played hard, and I was one of the better players on the field that night. The best was her, of course. I caught her name, called out a few times. Morgan.

Her long legs moved her around the field like a hot rod and she could kick like a mule. They beat us, 3-1, and by the end of the game I was gassed from chasing her around for ninety minutes. While I was sucking air with my hands on my knees, she passed by.

"Good game, Wambach," she said, and I managed to slap her five. I didn't manage to catch my breath long enough to actually tell her my name.

I started running three miles every day instead of two. I wasn't getting shown up like that again. I also got my hair cut, but I couldn't decide on a color. For now it would be my natural mahogany brown. I wasn't really college Natalie, but I wasn't high school Natalie either. I was something in the middle, and that was an awkward place to be.

The next Wednesday I was getting off work when I got a call from Nicole. "Whatcha doing?" she asked.

"Trying to figure out what I'm doing for dinner."

"Well, everyone's at Ryan's, and we just ordered like, all the pizza."

"Define everyone."

There was a pause and Nicole's voice dropped. I imagined her sneaking off from the main gathering. "Sarah's not here."

"Then I will be right there." I knew it was a bad idea. Sarah could still show up. And there was the fact that I had work tomorrow and they were all definitely drinking. Lucky for me, college was the time when you were supposed to make bad decisions.

I swung by home and changed out of my work clothes and into a t-shirt, shorts, jacket. The Olympia summer uniform. That, and I wanted to show off my legs a little. My mom told me to say hi to Nicole, and I drove over to Ryan's.

Ryan Takahashi had the enviable combination of being the youngest child of a big, rich family. By the time they got to Ryan, his parents had exhausted all their concern and he spent their money with all the discipline of a meth addict with infinite rental cars. His house was a McMansion up in the hills, with a wide, perfectly-groomed lawn. I went up his brick walkway and knocked.

Ryan opened the door and reacted in mock surprise. He was a good looking guy in that kind of rich fratbro sort of way. I almost asked him who he pledged to.

"Is that you, Cho?"

"That's me." I hugged him. We'd been going to school together since the third grade, and for all his flaws, he'd always been there. He was swaying a little bit.

"Come on in. We got pizza, we got beer."

I followed Ryan in, and there was the gang from Olympia High. Everyone had changed just a little, just enough to know that time had passed. Nicole was right, a lot of it was just a bit of extra weight as metabolisms started to slow, but there were also different haircuts. A lot of the guys were trying out facial hair that was not working. Mandy Greene was vaping and that was definitely new.

I helped myself to pizza and beer. The conversation was mostly catching up, and a lot of them were obviously making up crazy things they did at college to impress the old gang. I wasn't about to bring up the craziest thing I'd done. I was just going to eat, not drink too much, and go home before it got light.

And then the inevitable happened. The doorbell rang, Ryan got up to answer it, and he brought in Sarah Sutter. Judging by the shit-eating grin he was throwing my way this had been the plan all along. I shot a glare over at Nicole, but I believed her innocent face. It had to have been Ryan. I tried to remember if he slipped away during Cooper's epic drunk story or not, and I couldn't.

"Look who's here!" Ryan said, not looking at me so hard that it looped around to him staring.

Sarah waved, blushing, her gaze lingering on me. Did more than linger. It pretty much gave me a lapdance. The problem was, one look at her and I remembered why I'd fallen so damn hard for her in the first place.

Sarah was smaller than me and always had the look of a porcelain doll. With her long, golden blonde hair framing a delicate-featured face and big blue eyes, she could come off as unattainable, but the adorable freckles over the bridge of her nose gave a veneer of girl-next-door. Her mouth was small, and she'd put a subtle shade of lipstick on. I was already wondering if it tasted of strawberries, like the lip gloss she used to wear. I always teased her about it, wearing makeup for a kid, but now all I could think of was that flavor on my tongue.

Her jeans hugged her slender legs, and her ballet flats showed off shapely ankles. She was wearing button-up shirt with a cardigan over. She looked like the star of a Lifetime movie ready to discover her husband had a dark secret. And it was working on me.

"Hey everybody," Sarah said. "Hey, Nat."

"Hey," I said, wishing someone would come up with something, anything to say. "Coop, you were in the middle of a story?"

"Oh, yeah. That's when I puked for the first time." He held up a finger. "But not how you'd think."

Sarah made a face and sat down near me. She wasn't even pretending. She was wearing perfume, the same scent that I'd associated with our various explorations in high school, a soft, faintly floral aroma that reminded me of an antique shop. Sarah was like that, an ultra-femme. I had started thinking, what with Lauren and now Morgan, I was more into sporty girls, but one look at Sarah said maybe I had a second type. Really, Sarah had been my first type, when I had started to understand and pursue what I wanted. It was Lauren and Morgan who were new.

The realization made me finish my beer and get another. This was significant because I didn't have the best tolerance. Also, Sarah looked even better after the second one.

"How's college?" she was asking.

"It's good," I said, trying my best to enunciate every word. I tried again on the operative one. "Good."

"Do you have a...uh...a girlfriend?"

I snorted. "Nope. No boyfriend either."

"Oh, right." Sarah was gayer than I was, despite the fact that anyone looking at us would guess the opposite.

"College is not all it's cracked up to be."

"I don't have a girlfriend either," she said.

No shit, I thought but didn't say. Instead, I said something much worse. "It's their loss."

She blushed prettily, and I remembered how good those cheeks had felt between my thighs. I crossed my legs, and that might have made things worse with the increasingly-wet fabric of my underwear rubbing against my sex.

"I like your hair," she said.

"Thanks. I've been dyeing it too. I haven't picked a color."

"I think the brown is pretty." The look she was giving me was too intense to miss. They had gone beyond fuck me eyes. They were fuck me ragged, then settle down with me eyes, eyes that had picked out a house and planned to fill it with cats or kids depending. They were eyes that wanted to grow old with me. I knew I had to get out of there or there was a good chance I was going to give into those eyes.

I listened to my friends for a bit longer before rising with a stagger. "I should probably get home. Got work tomorrow," I said.

"You can't drive," Cooper said. He was right. I really didn't want him to be.

"Ugh. Fuck you."

"I'll take you home," Sarah said, standing up, her face bright red.

I looked around, and realized Nicole was nowhere to be seen. Probably in the bathroom. The funny thing was, I wasn't sure if I wanted her to step in or not. I knew what would happen if Sarah got me alone, and after my recent frustration, that didn't sound so bad.

"Cool," I said, and I caught Ryan's shit-eating grin. He could laugh it up. One of us was going to have sex tonight and it wasn't him. I followed Sarah outside to her Sentra. After the closeness of Ryan's living room, the night air was cool on my skin, but it didn't wake me up to what I was doing. Fact was, I was trapped. She wasn't going to leave without me, and I couldn't leave without her. I could only wish that didn't sound like such a good idea.

She opened the door for me and closed it when I was in my seat. I had to admit, it felt good to be cared for. She drove to my neighborhood like she had a hundred times before. We didn't talk, because I think both of us knew that would only break whatever spell had fallen over us. My street was dark as she pulled up outside my house.

"Well, here we are," she said.

I didn't hesitate nearly as long as I told myself I would. "You want to come in?"

"Yeah!" she was too quick, then a quieter, "sure, yeah."

"Just be quiet. My mom's sleeping."

She giggled. "I remember."

I would like to blame the beer, but the truth was, I was already sobering up. Benefits of a young and athletic metabolism, I guess. I let us in through the front, shushed Sarah unnecessarily, and we crept into my room. The nice part was my room was at the front of the house and my mom's was all the way at the back. Sneaking in was easy, something I took full advantage of from the ninth grade on.

I brought Sarah in, turning on the light on my nightstand, and taking off my jacket and kicking off my shoes.

"Hey, Romeo," Sarah said, petting the cat. He gave a little squawk and shambled from the room. I closed the door. Didn't need him.

"Be right back." I went to the bathroom and when I returned, I found her sitting on my bed, looking Egbert in the eyes. "He have anything to say?"

"Never thought I'd see him again is all."

"Yeah," I said. "I feel bad about how I left things."

She shrugged. "It's okay."

I had the image of her in this very room, sitting not far from where she was sitting now, weeping uncontrollably while I tried to comfort her. She really thought the two of us were going to be together forever and I'd broken that dream to hook up in college. At the time, it had felt like the right thing to do, and even though my frosh year had ended in disaster, I hadn't regretted it. Sarah and I weren't really compatible, no matter how convenient that would have been.

And here I'd brought her back. I wasn't even sure why, really. Other than the sex, of course. Sarah was a sure thing, uncomplicated. After Lauren and Ash, uncomplicated wasn't such a bad thing, was it? Did I just want someone, and Sarah was the easiest fit?

I sat down on the bed next to her. Her woman-scent, strong and earthy and alive, poked around the edges of the floral perfume wash. It beckoned to me with a power locked squarely on my memories. She looked over at me, and tellingly, her blue eyes fell on my lips.

"I missed you," she said.

"I missed you too," I said, but I wasn't sure if that was the truth or if I merely wanted her. I erased the consideration and the distance between us. Our lips met and she felt exactly as I remembered. I had been Sarah's first kiss, first everything. She learned how to do these things on my body and it was hard not to appreciate how well she knew me.

Our kiss was the soft embrace of coming home. Her quiet moan was one of relief, of the end of a bad dream. Her mouth opened for me and followed all the same pathways I had when we were in high school. Even the taste was the same, the strawberry lip gloss that she should be much too old to wear.

I lay her back on my bed, our lips never parting for anything other than a quick breath, a murmur, a tiny gasp of disbelief. I settled next to her, content to go back to our early days, the marathon makeout sessions that would leave me squirming until I could be alone.

Sarah had other ideas. I felt her at the hem of my shirt, lifting it up. I sat up to help her, and it was off me, leaving me in my bra. Nothing special, because I hadn't expected to be with anyone, but the way Sarah sighed at the sight of me, the way she looked at them, you would have thought I was wearing something lacy and improbable.

I reached behind me, undid my bra and dropped it, partially just to see the look on her face. She stared at my newly revealed breasts, licking her lips unconsciously. She sat up, her mouth going to them, and I sighed, throwing my head back as she explored my chest. She knew where everything was, exactly how I wanted to be teased and sucked, where to use her teeth and where to brush her lips. Little jolts of electricity skipped along the path of her mouth. They went right between my legs. My shorts were pressed against my crotch, and I found myself thrusting against them, getting the fabric to do the work I knew Sarah would be doing soon.

She put her mouth over my breast, sucking my nipple into her mouth, teasing it to hardness with her tongue. She switched to the other, and I could only hold her, continuing to grind my hips against the air.

A pulse went through me, a quick bolt of white-hot pleasure. I uttered a small grunt.

Her mouth came free and she leaned up, and we were kissing again. "You're overdressed," I murmured into her mouth.

"Uh huh," she said. Her eyes are an incredible shade of blue. Now they looked like the Puget Sound on a cloudy day. I pulled her shirt off over her head. Her small breasts were capped with tiny, cherry-colored nipples.

I kissed her neck, remembering exactly where she liked it, right where it arched into her shoulder. Then, moving inwards, I found the bowl of her clavicles. Back up, over her throat, into her mouth. My hands were busy, reaching between us. Her jeans were tight.

"Hold on," I breathed. I separated from her, then pulled her shoes off. Mine followed. She was getting up, but I took her foot in my hand running my nails up the arch, kissing her toes. She sighed in pleasure. She always loved it when I played with her feet.

I wanted what I wanted, and it wasn't that. I set her foot down, reaching to her pants. Her eyes were smoky. She gave a tiny moan when I undid the button. The fly came down, displaying the dark spot on her pink panties and freeing the delicious scent of her pussy. She lifted her ass as I pulled the jeans down over her.

"Take your shorts off," she murmured.

I chuckled. "Okay, slut."

She blushed. "Come on."

I stood and undid them, sliding them down my legs. My panties came with them, displaying the pussy I'd shaved only the previous day. I wouldn't tell Sarah that I had been thinking about Morgan though the process, and afterwards when my vibrator turned me into happy mush.

"Oh my," she said.

"As pretty as you remember?" I struck a pose.

"Yeah. I want to see if it feels as good."

"You will." I knelt between her legs, kissing her belly. "Of course, I need to see too."

She nodded. "Please, Nat. I missed you so much."

I rolled her panties off, her scent blooming in the air between us. To my surprise, her pussy had been shaved as bald as mine. I could see every detail, her lips puffy with arousal, her prominent hood, the juices glistening on her inner thighs.

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah," I said, in my first completely unguarded moment.

"I did it for you."

That sentence would trouble me later, but I was too keyed up to really unpack it in the moment. Sarah had always kept a short blonde ruff between her legs. Cute, definitely, but eating her out always meant picking hair out of my mouth. I always liked the way the scent clung to her and the way the hair tickled my nose.

I crawled up her, pushing my knee up between her legs. Her wetness pressed against my thigh, and then she was moving, like she always had, her slender hips working. I did the same, straddling her thigh, grinding my sex against her tensing and loosening quad. We found our own rhythm, rocking against each other as the churning in my belly pressed up against the edges of me.

Her kiss was desperate, as though she could sense my own ambivalence. Her movement below grew jerky, and her sharp breaths kept rising in pitch. She was close. I knew her body as well as she did. I had been the one to discover the exact topography of her orgasms.

I pressed hard between her legs, and her pussy brushed over me in slick strokes. "Oh! Fffffff," she managed, mashing her lips into my neck. Even now, while cumming, she couldn't bring herself to curse.

I let her shake, grip my back, neither of us stopping our movement. When she opened her eyes, I cupped the back of her head, running my tongue over her lips, then brought her to my breast. She knew what I wanted, sucking my nipple into her mouth, her teeth riding it like sparks.

I went faster, my hips pressing forward, back to reset, again, again. This wouldn't be a big one. This would take the edge off. Something I'd needed since Ash fucked everything up with Lauren. Then it was him sucking on my breast. Lauren's thigh I was riding. I was in bed with them, in the closeness of my dorm room, unable to believe what was happening and never wanting it to end.

"Oh fuck!" I gasped. It came out all of a sudden, a quake that started in my belly, running delicious tendrils of sensation through my pussy, up my back, out through my nipples. I held her head against my breast as I came down from the wonderful high.

I tipped her face up to mine and kissed her hungrily. The air was heavy with our scents, cutting through the remnants of the perfume that still clung to Sarah's skin.

"I missed you," she murmured.

I got off her, momentarily amused at the glistening spots on our thighs, and sat back on my bed. I picked up Egbert. "You weren't supposed to see that, buddy."

"He's seen worse," Sarah said, kissing the stuffed otter on his head.

A stab of jealousy went through me and I felt like an idiot. "Still, though. I feel like he's judging me." I set Egbert on the floor next to the bed, then after an attack of conscience, moved him so he was comfortably pillowed on my slipper.

"You moved him," Sarah said, nuzzling my neck, her lips finding my sensitive spots. "Does that mean we're doing more?"

She always got kittenish after she came and I didn't mind. "I don't know. I have work in the morning."

She brushed her fingers up and down on my leg, raising tingling sparks with every pass. They passed through the smear of her juices and she moved them in a circle. "Uh oh. I made a mess." She kissed my neck and I felt her teeth worrying my skin. I trembled, the feeling in my belly returning.

"You gonna clean it up?" I gasped.

"Maybe," she teased, letting her breath raise gooseflesh all over me. Meanwhile, she kept up the light stroking of her fingers. I was moving now, my hips rocking against nothing. My slit glistened with fresh juice. I swam in our scents and all I could imagine was my head between her thighs.

Her fingers found the edge of the V between my legs. I spread them, giving her access, but she moved away, her fingers twirling along my thundering pulse. I closed my legs, as though that would get her to go what I wanted. She moved back to that seam between thigh and mound, then back down toward my knee.

I was squirming now, the orgasm I'd had earlier doing nothing to stave this next one off. It was like Sarah was an addiction, one I thought I'd kicked, but now back and looking to make up for lost time.

Brush, brush, brush. It was maddening. I attacked her mouth with mine, a brutal kiss as though that would provoke her to do it, to finger me like I knew she wanted to. Like she had spent a year dreaming about. My moan was loud, angry. My hips hunted for her finger, but she kept moving it away. Like a butterfly perpetually dancing out of reach, only the soft tickle of its wings as it neared.

Finally, on a trail of molten sensation, her finger parted me. Then she was inside me. I gripped her shoulders as she hooked her finger, beckoning me along. I moaned her name, gasping with need.

Her finger came free, and I grabbed her wrist, bringing it to my lips. I met her eyes, taking her finger in my mouth, my tongue washing over every inch. I pushed her down on the bed. I couldn't exist for a single second without her sex on my tongue.

I crawled down her body, barely pausing at her belly, now undulating in anticipation of my touch. I kissed the soft skin above her slit, sucking in the aroma of her body. Sarah was always so shy. So well-put together. Even now, I don't know if she wore it like camouflage, or if it was really her underneath. It doesn't matter. Pretend to be something long enough and you are that thing.

The point was that, despite her obsession with image, she always had a strong smell. She was insecure about it. She sometimes bathed twice a day and she had an expensive perfume habit that went back to middle school. Now, in the room together, at the height of her passion, she could hide nothing. It was wonderful, a thick musk that gripped my senses, commanded me to find the source and drink deeply.

I wasted no time. I might have teased her, like she had teased me, but my blood was thundering in my ears. I licked from the apex, where her hood peeked from between her folds, down to the base of her where her juices soaked into my sheets. Her fingers tangled in my hair as her hips came up to meet my mouth.

Her taste was even more muscular than her scent. It assaulted my tongue, almost sour in its intensity. I hunted for it. She was moaning quickly, humping my lips as I found the familiar corners of her sex.

"I want to do it our way," she said.

I looked up, never stopping from fucking her with my mouth. Our eyes met. Hers, pleading. I found her clit, sucked it into my mouth and watched her pretty blue eyes grow stormy.

"Nat, please."

I knew what she wanted. It had been our favorite back when we were together. I relented. After all, it had been my favorite too. I let her go, kissing her once, our juices mingling in each other's mouths, and then we moved.

The adorable thing about Sarah is that in all the time we were together, she never once called it a sixty-nine. That's what it was, of course. She always called it our way, as though we were the enterprising lesbians who had, over the course of intense study, invented the optimal pussy delivery system.

We each were on our sides, semi-pillowed on the other's thigh, with wonderful, unobstructed access. Sarah picked up where her fingers had left off, and I had not come down from her delirious work. I felt her tongue spreading me open, washing over me, and then her fingers joining, alternating. First teasing, then filling, teasing, then filling.

I tasted her orgasm, like the way the air changes before a thunderstorm. Her taste grew thicker, more thunderous, obliterating my ability to taste or smell anything other than her. Her thighs clamped over my head, and then her hips stuttered in their thrusting. She was too close now, frantically holding back to pleasure to prolong the sex. Anything to keep my tongue inside her.

I was almost there. The roiling in my belly threatened to explode at any second. I chased her tongue, whenever she found a spot, I pursued. It was time, I needed to cum. I took her clit in my mouth, filled her pussy with my fingers, and held on.

She popped first, but it was her moan deep into my sex that broke the levies on my ecstasy. In great shuddering heaves, the pleasure rocketed through my body, converging at my sex. I felt like she was drinking the sensation, and it ran through her, right to my mouth. We were the ouroboros, the never-ending cycle of pure pleasure churning through the two of us. It lasted what felt like forever, delicious chills and shudders that began right when I thought there could be nothing left.

Finally, we went limp. I uncoupled myself from her with difficulty, crawling up the bed. I abruptly wanted her out of the room, but not enough to tell her to go. I was exhausted, like the victim of a vampire.

We stayed there, breathing heavily. I mustered the strength to turn out my bedside light, as though that would help. Then Sarah wrapped me in her arms, kissing me with lips covered in my own juices.

"I missed you, Nat."

"Let's get some sleep," I said, already battling regret.

Waking up the next morning next to Sarah, both of us still nude, made me feel like I was back in the summer before college. We'd both had jobs, we were going off to school, and Sarah's conservative family didn't much care if she slept over at a friend's house. We'd fucked like bunnies that whole summer, right up until I dumped her.

She was beautiful, a sliver of pale flesh in the warm late morning light of the room. This had been so easy. We could be back when things made sense. When they were safe and I didn't have to worry about anything. And the sex was good.

I also wanted her out. Both of these sat next to each other in my heart and neither one could make the other budge.

She opened her eyes, blinking sleepily. "Hey, you."

"Hey," I said. I looked over at the clock. My shift was in two hours. "Oh shit, I have work in a half hour."

"Oh no!" She sat up, hunting around for her clothes.

I pulled on my panties and a shirt, then poked my head out the door. My mother was gone, thank god. Didn't want to explain that yes, Sarah slept over, and no, I had no idea if it was gonna be a thing.

Sarah got dressed and we kissed at the door. Abruptly, I wanted to drag her back to bed, to get a repeat of the previous night. I started to pull.

She giggled. "You have work, remember? I'll text you tonight."

"Yeah, okay."

She was out the door, and I was glad.

When the first text came it wasn't from Sarah. It was Nicole.

What happened?

Don't want to talk about it.

omg you slept with her

I'm the worst

Soon as I saw you see her I knew you were gonna

next time warn me

I put my phone away in the face of several laughing emojis. Guess I was not only a mess, but a predictable one.

Sarah texted, but I didn't answer. I went to the park for the pickup game, hoping to see the tall goddess. She might as well have been haloed by the sodium lights. I warmed up, and soon we lined up to pick. Morgan was one of the team captains, and her first pick, she pointed at me and said, "I'll take Wambach."

My heart jumped as I jogged over to her side. She slapped me five. "It's Cho," I said.

"Morgan."

"Yeah, I know," I said, and turned away as my cheeks heated up like an oven.

"You got a first name, Cho?"

"Natalie."

"Nat okay?" I nodded. "Let's show them how it's done, Nat."

We did just that. We ended up having a lot more women on our team than the other, and it sort of turned into Girls vs. Boys. The other captain, a guy in his late thirties named Will, started the trash talk, but Morgan was only too happy to go right back. The game was a close one, but we took it. After Sarah, I owed the gender a victory.

"Hey, number 20! You're playing for me next week," Will called to me as he walked to the sidelines.

"Not if I get her first!" Morgan called back. Even the goddess was winded after that game. "You were amazing, Nat."

I shrugged. "I was? You carved them up."

"Will's not as fast as he used to be." She picked up towel where she'd left it by the sideline and dabbed her neck. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing," I said. Could she hear my heart? Considering how it was hammering, she had to. "Just heading home."

"I was gonna get something to eat."

"I could eat!"

She smiled. "Great. You know the Squatch?"

"Yeah, of course. Is it gonna be weird? We're both sweating through our kit."

"Anybody complaining about the smell of a woman's sweat isn't worth talking to. Meet me there?"

The Squatch was what we all called the Sasquatch Café, a diner built to look like a log cabin. The sign showed the man himself, peeking out from behind the S, a grin on his face like he couldn't wait to have some middling diner food. Everybody knew the Squatch because the prices were low and it never closed, meaning that after ten, the clientele was exclusively under thirty. Everybody spent more high school nights than they'd care to remember in the Squatch's soft, forest-green booths.

I went in peered around, looking for Morgan. The other reason the Squatch was so popular was that they kept the lights turned nice and low. I found her sitting by the window, waving me over. The whole place smelled of cooking grease and baked goods. Servers in branded green vests bustled back and forth. The sweat from the game was drying on me, and as I fought the self-consciousness, I kept Morgan's words in my mind. Really, the one person that mattered wanted to smell me.

I slid into the booth. Morgan gave me a smile that set my belly churning. "Thanks for coming out," she said.

"Huh?" It took my brain a second to realize she meant coming here, and not, you know, the other thing. "Oh yeah, of course."

"You're really good."

"I'm on my college team," I said.

"Where do you go?"

"USC."

"A Trojan, cool. I went to Seattle U. Soccer and volleyball."

"I played volleyball in high school. But I'm not, like, an amazon."

She laughed. "Yeah, when you're six feet tall, they're gonna throw you in front of a volleyball net whether you like it or not."

The server stopped by and dropped two menus off. I wasn't planning on a full meal, but after that game, the picture of the cheeseburger on the menu was calling my name.

"So, SC, you're gonna be in the entertainment industry?"

"Yeah, I want to be an editor."

"Editor? That's specific."

My cheeks got hot. It was partially Morgan, the simple effect of her attention. It was also this was me. A fundamental truth. "No director will admit it, but movies are made in the editing bay. Before Martha Lucas got hold of it, Star Wars was unwatchable. Now, it's a classic. Or the assassination sequence in The Godfather. There are a million examples. These kinds of things are magic and I want to create them."

Morgan broke into a faintly bemused smile. "Sounds like a good reason. I don't know much about movies myself."

"What was your major?"

"Prelaw. I'm in law school now."

"Is it fun?"

"So much so that I have to kick around a head-sized ball every week."

I chuckled. "Why are you doing it?"

"I'm want to practice environmental law. You talk about your dream, that's mine."

The server returned and took our order. We chatted, ate, and chatted some more. Her name was Morgan Malinowski, she was twenty-four, from here, and even went to the same high school I had. We didn't flirt. We didn't even have to. One look from Morgan made my insides melt. I didn't even know if she was into girls.

When I drove home, I saw I had a text from Sarah. I let it go and took care of myself. As I held my vibrator to my sex, it was Morgan's mouth I pictured against me.

I sent a few noncommittal texts back and forth with Sarah, always making excuses for why I couldn't hang out. My resolve was fading but I made it a week, which I called a victory. Morgan and I ended up on opposite sides at the next game and she went right at me. I wasn't going to let her take it. Keeping up with her long legs was hell and I knew I was going to hate myself tomorrow, but I did it. I fought her for every ball, her sweat on my skin, her grunts in my ears.

We won, too.

"Damn, Wambach, you didn't play like that last week," she said. I lay on grass already wet with night dew.

"I can't breathe," I managed.

"Well, get up. Let's hit the Squatch."

That was enough to get me off my ass. We hung out and talked and again I didn't flirt. She had this otherworldly air about her, partly thanks to her commanding height. I was used to getting my share of looks, but out with Morgan, I was invisible. Wasn't like I could blame them for looking. I was staring at her too.

My gaze kept falling to her mouth or her hands, and I'd be thinking of them roaming over my overheated body. I imagined her manhandling me like a doll. I'm not especially big, just slightly taller than average and athletic for it. It wasn't often that I could fantasize about a woman who could pick me up, move me around, put me where she wanted me. I was squirming in my seat, trying not to let her notice that if I rubbed my thighs together any faster, I was liable to start a fire. It was nearly a relief when we paid the check and took our separate ways home.

I drove fast. I didn't want to wait to get into bed, let my vibrator finish what Morgan had started in me. I got out of my car and made a beeline for my door, when,

"Nat?"

I turned around, blinking, confused. No one was supposed to be here. Sarah stepped into the light, looking shy and unsure. She'd been parked right in front of the house. I just hadn't seen her, so focused was I on getting inside and getting off. In that moment, she was a beacon. It was like she had stepped from a dream and I couldn't quite understand her presence.

"Sarah?" I blinked at her, momentarily surfacing from the hazy arousal Morgan had cast me into.

"Hey, I'm sorry to be weird. It's just you weren't really responding to my texts."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Can I call you tomorrow?"

She shrugged. "I'm here now."

She had a point there. I thought of the fantasies I'd been entertaining about Morgan. Sarah could never lift me, but there was the outside chance I could lift her. "Yeah, come on, just be quiet."

We snuck in, and as soon as we came through the door, I turned, kissing her savagely, my hands already at her clothes.

"Wait, Nat," she said pushing lightly against me.

"What?" I asked, my mouth falling to her jaw.

"You smell!"

"I just played a whole ass soccer game. Now take your top off."

"Can you take a shower?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah," Sarah breathed, smiling. "Please?"

"Fine. You're coming."

I pulled her into my bathroom and turned the shower off. I stripped off my kit, followed by my sports bra and underpants. I turned, finding Sarah watching me hungrily. I knelt, my own arousal tickling my nose. I untied her shoes, throwing them aside, socks next. Then I took her pants down. Her panties were in front of my eyes, a fragrant wet spot on the V. I kissed her through the cloth, sucking in the powerful aroma. I hooked my fingers through the waistband and pulling them down her. I was face to face with her slit, shiny with juice. I kissed her softly, then met her eyes. She stared back at me with a look of naked need.

I stood and helped her off with her top and her bra. Nude, I pulled her into the warm spray of the shower. The water slicked our hair to our skulls, and Sarah reached out for me. For a moment, I held her slick body, sucking in the smell and taste of her. Then I reached over and picked up the body wash and handed it to her.

"You want me clean," I said, "wash me."

She took it, her blue eyes lighting up. "Yes, ma'am."

She squirted a little of the jasmine-scented wash to her hand. She set the bottle down, rubbing her palms together until a thick white lather wreathed them. She got onto her knees in front of me. Her eyes went to my pussy, and I knew she was watching the rivulets of water dripping down my body, through my sweet folds, down my legs.

She began at my feet, her hands flying over my skin. My muscles, sore from the game, loosened under Sarah's touch as she covered me in the fragrant lather up to my thighs. I felt her drawing closer to my sex, but always moving away before she touched it. When my legs were rinsed and loosened, she stood, replenishing her store of wash. She took one arm, massaging my hand, working up from my wrist to my shoulder, taking her time with the limb. Then the other. I knew what was next, and my belly began to churn, reawakening what Morgan had started at the Squatch.

She lathered up her palms again, taking her time. My heart pounded, my insides melting. She spun a finger. "Turn around."

I obeyed, bracing my hands against the tile. I hoped she'd take me right there, but this was Sarah. She washed my back, then went to the globes of my ass. I found myself wanting her to dip between them, but she was studious in avoiding the crack, letting the spray of the shower do that work.

"Now your front."

Her hands traveled over my chest and my nipples hardened under her touch. I leaned back and let her work, her palms running up my ribs and over my breasts. They were her primary concern, washing under them, over them, and ensuring my nipples were clean enough to eat off of. She kneaded the soft flesh, her fingers dancing over the pebble-like tips. I reached behind me, my fingers brushing over her hips.

Then she moved to my belly, dropping back to her knees. I could feel the arousal dripping from me as she strayed closer and closer to my sex. She was playing me expertly, as only someone who knew my body as well as she did. I willed her closer, mentally commanding her to get to the center of me, now so hot that I was convinced if I looked, I would see steam. When my groans became needy, she finally relented. Her slippery hands brushed my bare lips and I shivered. Confidently, she began to massage my labia, working the lather into them, up around my mound. Her touch was soft, not quite the caress of a lover. The sparks that leapt when she strayed too far in any one direction felt inadvertent, and all the more exciting for it. There was an element of innocence. Oh, Natalie, I'm so sorry I brushed your clit and made you make that adorable noise.

A smile up at me, and she kissed me right above my slit. I shivered again, ready for her. I gave her a nod, the green light to eat me out.

She stood. "One sec." She quickly washed herself with none of the sensual flair she used on me. I knew she was feeling self-conscious about her smell, and this was not foreplay for her. I was a little disappointed, but then, it was a challenge. If I wanted her to cover us in her scent, it would be on me to draw it out.

I turned off the water, and the two of us, glistening, stepped out. We gave ourselves only the most cursory pass with a towel and I was all over her. This time, her kiss was unhesitating. Her hands went to the back of my head, mine to her slender waist. She wanted me, as though the shower had not only washed away my sweat, but the year between last summer and this.

I pulled her into my room and pushed her onto the bed. She laughed, but the sound was rusty, filled with need. I roughly spread her legs, splaying her secret pink, her scent beginning to waft from the delicious slit. I knelt by the side of the bed, hooked her legs over my shoulders and opened her like a peach, fucking her with my tongue. She bit back a cry, holding my head as she bent double, her hips thrusting to meet me. I had her. I could finish her like this, make her want me more than she had ever wanted anyone, but that's not what I needed.

I let her go, giving her a soft kiss. She watched me in confusion as I went for my bedside table, retrieving my vibrator. I clicked it onto the lowest setting. As a quiet buzz filled the air, her eyes widened. "What are you doing?" she asked, her innocence funny when her whole body was flushed, and her legs were spread, revealing a pussy glistening with spit and her own juices.

"I'm gonna fuck you properly," I said.

I passed the bulb over her chest, letting the vibration sink into her tissues. She gasped as I moved it around the soft swells of her breasts. She was already humping the air as I teased it down her belly.

"I want you," she protested.

I grinned. "You're getting me."

I brought the vibe back to me, holding it head down like it was Excalibur and I was bracing to pull it from the stone. I climbed on top of her, kissing her nose as I settled into place. Her nipples were hard against mine, and she kept hissing little nervous breaths as the vibrator buzzed against our bellies.

I eased it down our bodies, watching with keen interest as her expression grew at once more needy and panicked. She wanted the sensation, but she felt it as a coming tsunami, rising in front of her and ready to crash. I knew because I felt it too, deep in my belly, and the reflection in her eyes only made it more powerful.

I touched it against the apex of my pussy, just above my clit. I sucked in a breath, momentarily closing my eyes. And then, deliberately, I ground my hips against her. The bulb touched the same spot on her, and I got to watch as the vibrating tendrils reached into her sex. I kept it touched to her for a complete circle of my hips, bringing it away as I relented.

"Oh fuck!" she cried out, surprised and happy. My giggle turned into a gasp. It was the first time she ever cursed during sex. Her blue eyes were on fire now, and I felt her hips reaching for another stroke.

"Shhh," I managed, grinding my hips back between us.

She leaned up, capturing my lips with hers, her tongue strong against mine. I held the vibrator in place, thrusting it into her. The two of us fucked each other with the buzzing toy between us, our breath coming faster as the sensation continued to sink its roots into us.

Every moment of the last week ran through my mind. Morgan's long legs on the soccer field, the smell of her sweat mingling with the fresh-turned turf. Then back to Sarah herself, her legs spread before me, her head busy between my legs. Then I was back in my dorm room, Ash's cock, slick with Lauren's juices, bottoming out inside me.

Sarah and I found a sweet rhythm, allowing the vibrator to work against us, bringing the orgasm Morgan had unwittingly stoked in me to a rolling boil. The rocking of my hips gave me respite when I wanted it, and when I grinded against her, it sent bolts of white-hot bliss through my eyes.

"Oh fuck," she kept repeating in desperate gasps. She humped against me with increasing power, her hips demanding more from the vibe. I braced myself up on one hand, my entire body becoming a wave, pushing the buzzing bulb into her clit. Her brow furrowed, a pantomime of shock and pleasure. Her eyes were wide. Her mouth was wider. The fucks had vanished and she was now only able to grunt with each new thrust of my body.

I clicked it to the next setting. She sobbed in sudden pleasure, and I swallowed the cry with a kiss, fucking the toy into her harder. The vibration hummed through us. We were joined at the clit, the fingers of the buzz pushing through our bodies. It gripped our sexes, ran through our bellies, touched the sensitive places in our limbs, our necks, our nipples, our throats. I gave her long, brutal thrusts, as though I were inside her, driving the pleasure into her with each moment.

"Come on," I said, my own voice shivery. "Cum for me. I want to watch you cum."

I think I saw a nod, but her whole body was little more than a series of quakes all crashing in on each other at once. Her breath was a staccato series of huffs. Her hips moved beneath me like a rattle, hunting the bulb, pressing it against herself, only relenting when it was too much.

I watched her ready to explode, my eyes deep in hers. "Now," I murmured to her.

At that moment, I put my weight down on the bulb and held it trapped between our bodies, clicking it to the highest setting. The vibration tore through us. She cried out, and I clamped my mouth over hers once again. It wasn't a kiss. She was screaming her orgasm down into my throat.

The pleasure was almost too much. I fought to keep myself there, this incredible torture. My own orgasm clutched me in trembling claws, tearing me apart and reassembling me. She squirmed frantically, her eyes rolling back in her head. I felt the vibrator go from fun to frightening, like it was literally going to shake the two of us apart.

I clicked it off, casting it aside into the bed. The bulb glistened with our juices. I lay there, partly straddling her thigh, the two of us trying to catch our breath, my head pillowed by hers. I felt her hot breath on my neck as she recovered.

"That was incredible," she managed.

"Never had it quite like that," I admitted.

"I have to get one."

"You don't have a vibrator?" I pushed myself up so I could look in her eyes.

She shook her head, her face adorably flushed. "I mean, if I bought it, they'd find out." They meaning her family.

I giggled. "Fuck, Sarah. Get one. It'll change your life."

"Or I could just keep using yours," she said, cuddling up next to me.

That's when I realized I might have made an error.

I made that same error a couple more times over the next several weeks. Didn't matter what I told myself before I saw Sarah. We always ended up naked. It was just so easy. And every time, I told myself it was the last time. Then she would bat her baby blues at me and I'd catch the edge of her scent and I needed her.

Every week, Morgan and I went out after the game. She was fun to talk to, but every time I would find myself trying not to look at her mouth. She got me riled up more than once, and I was worried Sarah might have figured out the pattern. Come over to Natalie's at ten on a Thursday and be guaranteed some mind-blowing sex.

On my fourth meal with Morgan, she was making it hard because she had ordered a milkshake, and a bit of ice cream lingered on her mouth. I could only think of how it would taste on her cold lips. How they would feel against me. She stirred the whipped cream into the ice cream thoughtfully.

"Rodrigo asked me about you," she said finally.

The image of him, a handsome guy in his late twenties, tall and lean, popped into my head. If I had been in the market for a man, he wasn't entirely out of the question. "What about me?"

"He wanted to know if you're single."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him I don't know."

"Good answer," I said, sipping my Cherry Coke.

"What should I have told him?"

"I'm not interested in Rodrigo."

"Didn't answer my question."

"I'm single," I said. "I think."

"Okay, now that's interesting. Tell me more."

"I'm kind of seeing my old girlfriend from high school."

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah. I'm bi."

She sipped her milkshake. I watched thoughts pass over her features like a cloud. "Me too," she said. "Sometimes I love it because there's hotness everywhere and sometimes it's just too much."

"If I'm being honest, I'm more gay than anything. It's just that there are exceptions from time to time."

"There's a story there."

I nodded, feeling my cheeks get hot. "You're gonna have to wait for that one."

"Okay, okay. I can accept that. What about this girl you're seeing now?"

"I don't know," I said, and suddenly I felt like I shouldn't be talking to Morgan about this. "We're not even really together. It's just..."

"A mistake you can't stop making?" She gave a rueful chuckle. "I had one of those. More than one of those."

"You have any advice?"

She laughed. "I'll let you know if I figure something out."

"It's just that I've never had an older friend I could go to for advice."

She flicked icewater at me. "You go to hell."

I was ruminating on Morgan's words the next time I knew I would see Sarah. The Fourth of July fell on a Saturday and so Ryan was throwing a big party. I think he would have done it on a Tuesday, but this guaranteed we'd all be there. Including Sarah. She and I hadn't planned anything formal, but it was a foregone conclusion. I steeled myself, ready to not make the same mistake. I was going to go, have a good time, and that was it.

While getting ready, I looked at myself in the mirror, psychically sending the message to myself. Don't make the same mistake. I had work the next day, so that would be my excuse. That hadn't worked before, but it might work now. I'd need to stay away from her. Really give her space. I looked at Egbert, and his plastic eyes told me to be strong.

I showed up after three. Ryan let me in and said, with his annoying grin, "You showed up just in time."

I didn't know what that meant, and he was going to be a sphinx with me. I followed him out onto the patio. About thirty people were there already, with maybe half stripped down to bathing suits. The ones still dressed looked at the water with self-conscious distrust.

Nicole came over, hugging me. "Hey, where've you been?"

"I don't know, I'm late." I looked around, realizing that I only know about half the people here. "Who are they?"

"Some of Ryan's friends from U Dub." U Dub was the University of Washington. "I think most of them are from Seattle? I'm not sure."

"A bunch of guys who get to hear how I'm not really in the market for dick right now."

"Send them my way," Nicole said.

"Only the good ones. D-bags can find somebody else. You want to get in the pool?"

Nicole looked around. "Nah, it's okay."

"Come on. If you want a guy, nothing gets you there quicker than a bikini."

"You maybe."

"You're gorgeous, Nic. Remember. I'm an expert."

"Okay, fine."

The two of us stripped out of our shorts and t-shirts. I got a lot of looks, but predictably, so did Nicole. Full breasts and a big ass might go out of fashion from time to time, but there were always people smart enough to appreciate them. We ended up in the shallow end, hanging out and drinking beer, and occasionally fielding clumsy sorties of flirting. The irony was I wasn't even into any of the women here. All I could think about was Morgan.

Sarah showed up an hour or so later. "Hey, Nat," she said, waving.

I knew she wanted me to come out of the pool and go give her a kiss, but there was no force on Earth that would get me to do that. When I had another couple beers in me, sure. I had the feeling this would end with the two of us in the sack, but I could pretend for a little while that I had something like integrity.

"Hey, Sarah," I said, like she was just another friend. I turned back to talk to Nicole.

She stood there in confusion for a second before she got swept off by two of her friends. I did my best to put her out of mind and was mostly successful until a bit later when Nicole looked around and said, "Uh oh."

"What?" I followed her gaze. On the other side of the pool, where Ryan had the keg set up, Sarah was talking to a woman I didn't know. She was pretty, with long black hair, an olive complexion, and thick glasses. I waited for Sarah to look in my direction, betraying this as being done for my benefit, but she never did.

"You gonna do something?" Nicole was slurring her words.

But then, so was I. I hadn't been hitting the keg hard, but it didn't take much. "What for?"

"That slut is poaching your girl."

"No, she's not. Besides, Sarah's not my girl."

"Does Sarah know that?"

"I don't care."

I almost believed it. I told myself that was the case, but I kept looking over at them. Never once did I catch Sarah looking in my direction. She was enthralled by the glasses girl. Soon they were sitting close by each other, hands almost touching. For Sarah, that was the equivalent of fingering her. By then, Nicole and I were out of the pool, shorts on but shirts off. I glanced over one last time, and glasses girl had leaned in to whisper in Sarah's ear.

I grabbed Nicole's arm. "You have to take me home."

"What?" She turned. "Oh. I can't. I'm super drunk." As though to prove it, she swayed.

"Fuck." I looked around, and I caught Ryan smirking at me. I thought about smacking that off his face and realized that if I did, everyone was going to know Sarah got under my skin. She'd know she had me then and I'd never stop making the same mistake. I went inside, trying to think of something. Everyone I knew from high school who I would even remotely trust in a car was here. I couldn't call my mother. She wouldn't be a fan of the whole me being drunk thing.

I scrolled through my contacts. One came up. It was a crazy idea. I almost kept scrolling, but impulsively, I hit the call button.

The line picked up immediately. "Nat?" The voice made my heart flutter.

"Hey, Morgan. I got kind of a big favor to ask."

She laughed. "You sound drunk."

"That's it. I need a ride. Everybody here's drunk."

"Yeah, no problem," she sighed. "Send me the address."

"Thank you, Morgan. Oh my god, thank you so much. And after I kicked you the other week, but that was only like half-intentional and the ball was right there."

"Nat. It's okay. Send me the address."

I did and immediately tried to remember if I'd told her I loved her. It was sitting there, in my mouth, ready to spill out, and now she was coming to rescue me. There was a serious danger that if I hadn't already said it, I was going to say it, and that was worse. I went outside, hunting around for my shoes and top before I remembered stashing them in the living room. I never looked at Sarah and her new friend. I couldn't handle it, and the worst part was I didn't have any right to be upset. If I didn't want her, then shouldn't glasses girl be welcome?

"Hey, Nat, are you okay?" Nicole came to my side, her big brown eyes filled with concern.

"Yeah, I got a ride. I just need to, you know."

"Yeah," She glanced over at Sarah and I refused to look.

"Hey, you're not leaving," Ryan said, intercepting me as I made my way through the patio doors into the house.

"Yeah, I got work tomorrow. I need to sober up."

"I got fireworks!"

"I'm fine."

"Sarah's gonna miss you."

"Sarah's doing fine."

"I'll go talk to her."

My hand snapped out without thinking about it, and I grabbed his arm. "Don't."

"C'mon, Nat. It's cool."

"Ryan, I swear by all that's holy, if you talk to her, I'm going to murder you. I'm going to chop your body into tiny bits. And then I'm going to feed it to fucking killer whales, do you understand me?"

He stared at me, terror dawning over his features. "Holy shit. You're serious."

"Dead fucking serious."

Nicole gently disengaged my hand from Ryan's arm. I'd left fingermarks on his muscled forearm. "Nat's gotta go sober up. She called for a ride. I'm gonna sit with her."

"Yeah. Yeah, okay," Ryan said, rubbing his arm. I could see the look in his eye. Crazy bitch. I'd gotten that more than once and deserved it a hell of a lot less than I did in this moment, but right then, I wanted to punch him. Fortunately, Nicole escorted me out front where we sat down on Ryan's stoop. It was a brick walkway with a few steps up to his door. Rose bushes bloomed on either side, and beyond that, a wide lawn that looked like a jarhead's haircut.

I looked down at my lap where I clutched my shirt and shoes. "No way I can get into 7-11 like this," I said.

I don't think Nicole had the foggiest idea of what I was talking about. She was almost as drunk as I was. "You want to put your shirt on?"

I shook my head. "I'd probably fuck it up."

"Yeah, probably."

A laugh bubbled up out me. "Don't agree so quick."

"Sorry, babe. You're a mess."

"Yeah, I know."

We sat in silence. At some point I leaned over and put my head on Nic's shoulder. She put her arm around me. No judgment there, even though I deserved it. Not long after, silver Honda came up the street slowly, as though the driver was peering at addresses.

"This has to be your ride," Nicole said. "Who's picking you up?"

"My friend Morgan," I said.

"Your friend who?"

"I know her from soccer."

"I just don't want to put you in a serial killer's car is all."

"You're a good friend."

We stood up and I waved. The Honda pulled up at the base of the lawn and the driver door opened, with Morgan stepping out and waving.

"Wow," Nicole said.

"Yeah, I know."

"Text me when you're home safe, okay?" Nicole hugged me.

"Will do, mom." I stumbled down the walk. "Thanks for this."

Morgan laughed. "Yeah, if I knew how wasted you were, I'd have driven faster. Let me help you." She opened up the passenger door, and I poured myself in. She gave Nicole a wave. By the time she was back in and buckled up, I had managed to get myself situated.

"Thank you. I mean, it's a holiday," I said.

"Got me out of a party I didn't want to be at," she said. She started the car and put some distance between us and the slow-motion trainwreck unfolding at Ryan's party. "Where do you live?"

I looked over at her. She was incredible. She wore a pair of cutoffs that barely made it to the tops of her thighs, leaving her impossibly long legs on display. Her tank top did nothing to hide her impressive bust either. I realized this was the first time I had seen her without a sports bra, which had the habit of turning her rack into a single, semi-flat monoboob. Now, I could see that not only were they heavy, they were a lovely teardrop shape. I imagined them pressing into my chest, her nipples hardening as they grazed my overheated flesh.

"Earth to Nat?"

"What? Sorry."

"Where do you live?"

"We don't have to go there."

"Oh yes we do. You need to be in a nice safe place where you can sober up. Trust me."

"No, I mean..." Liquid courage is a real thing. It's what put my hand on her thigh. "You could take me wherever you wanted."

She glanced down at the hand for a split second, then back at the road. "Nat. You're drunk."

"I think you're hot when I'm sober."

"Doesn't change what you are right now. I don't hook up with drunk people."

I took my hand away, the tears welling up. "Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. I fucked up our friendship didn't I?"

"You didn't fuck anything up," Morgan soothed. "Just let me take you home, okay?" I managed to calm down long enough to tell her where to go. As we pulled up in front of my house, she said, "I want you to promise me to drink a lot of water, okay?"

I got out of the car as the first of the city's fireworks leapt into the air. Flowers of color boomed in the sky as I thanked Morgan one more time and slunk inside. I took a quick shower and put on a long nightshirt. The beer was already halfway out of my system and I could really live with the fact that I'd made a complete fool of myself.

When the front door opened, I was in the kitchen, drinking another giant cup of water, and petting a purring Romeo. My mother came in, stopping with surprise when she saw me.

"Natalie! What are you doing home? I thought you were gonna be out late."

"I came home," I said.

"Well, you're in luck, because I brought ribs."

"Ribs?"

She grinned. "Come on. Let's eat them outside. We can see the fireworks over the Sound."

I looked down at the shirt, where Garfield was expressing his opinions on Mondays. Not really the kind of thing one wore outside. But then, It was just my backyard. No one was going to see me. Five minutes later, I realized I was ravenous, and the ribs were amazing. The two of us sat out back, drinking Coke and eating and watching the fireworks. For a moment, I was able to forget the total mess I'd made of my love life.

Neither Sarah nor Morgan texted me the next day. I got a short check in from Morgan the day after. I spent the week at work stewing in the simple fact that I'd managed to screw up not only one but two relationships. Only talking to Shelly made me forget.

"You okay, kid?" he asked as I was bringing him his standard provisions for the evening.

"How long have you worked here, Shelly?"

"Since they built the place in, what was that, '92, I think."

"That's almost twenty years."

"Yep. Worked at the Odeon before that. Might be before your time. It's a swap meet now."

"I think I know where you mean."

"You know something, Nat? The first time I see your name on that screen is gonna be the proudest day of my life. I can say I knew you when."

"If I'm ever up there, I'll take you to the premiere."

Shelly laughed. "I'll be there. I'll even wear a tie."

He was a strange guy, but he was the best. He was the only person in my life who knew I would make it. My mother said I would, but she always wanted me to have a backup plan. Nicole was supportive and all, but she didn't know. For Shelly, the idea that my name would be on the big screen was a fact. Something he was simply waiting for. I'd always love him for that. He didn't know it, but that gave me the strength to get through the week.

When I went to the game Thursday night, it was the first time since the ride home that I'd seen Morgan. I felt my face heating up as I jogged out onto the field.

"Hey, Wambach. How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Sobered up and everything."

She laughed. "Good."

She picked me first. The game was closer than usual because I kept getting distracted by Morgan. Her long legs as she dribbled past defenders, her long golden brown hair swishing about in its ponytail, her gray eyes sparkling like unshed lightning. In the heat of the game, I could forget everything except the feel of the wind on my face and the impact of my foot on the ball. It felt like I knew what Morgan would do before she did it. I could pass and she would simply be there. The game scaled back and I could see it as though from above. It didn't happen often, but I treasured that feeling.

Afterwards, I walked the sidelines, hands on my hips as my breath came back. Rodrigo jogged up next to me. Looking at Rodrigo, as objectively handsome a guy as I was likely to meet, and he was doing absolutely nothing for me. I only wanted to watch Morgan.

"Hey, Natalie, can I talk to you for a second?" he asked. Obvious what was going to happen next, but I thought if I played dumb it might go better.

"What's up?"

"Wanted to see if maybe you wanted to catch a movie on Saturday."

That was more direct than I anticipated. Playing dumb after that wasn't really an option. "Like a date?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry, man. Wrong team."

"What?"

"I'm gay."

"Oh shit! I'm sorry if I was out of line."

"It's all good." He slunk off, turning around once as though he thought of something that might override what I'd said, then realizing there was nothing.

Morgan finished jawing with Will as the last of the players filtered from the field, heading to bikes and cars. I hung back, waiting for Morgan to turn and talk to me. Now I was Rodrigo. She turned to me casually.

"You want to hit the Squatch?"

"Yeah." Morgan started walking and I fell into step beside her. "Hey, about last Saturday. I'm sorry."

"You don't think I'm hot?"

"No! No, I do. It just didn't come out like I wanted." We were maybe twenty yards from the parking lot, entering the shadows of a copse of pine trees. The last players to leave were just getting to the parking lot. I was focused on my car, trying not to stare at Morgan.

Morgan pushed me, then caught my arm. My back came up against a pine tree. She towered over me. Her gray eyes were imperious, and a smirk twisted her lips. "How did you want it to come out?"

"It's just...I don't know. I was embarrassed." She hadn't let me go, and a shiver worked its way from the point of contact and up my spine.

"What do you think now?"

"What?"

She stepped closer, and her scent invaded my nostrils. The turf we'd torn up on our cleats, the clean sweat of the game, a faint musk underneath it all. Her breath came harder. "Do you still think I'm hot?"

"Yeah. Of course." The shiver became a tremor.

"Are you turned on right now?"

"No, I mean..." I looked to the parking lot. Rodrigo had paused where the grass gave way to asphalt, directly beneath one of the sodium lights, and he was squinting into the darkness where Morgan and I lingered. I thought the shadows would swallow us, hoped even. Still, he would know that if we were walking, it wouldn't take us that long to get to the other side.

"If I checked, you wouldn't be wet?" She stepped closer. Her scent took me. I wanted to hold her waist, to feel her sweat-slicked torso under my fingers.

"Checked?" I gulped.

She kept one hand on my arm, while the other went to my shorts, worming past the elastic waistband with a brash confidence that gave me another shiver. I gasped as I felt her strong fingers over my panties. If I wasn't wet before I sure as hell was now. My insides melted like a popsicle in July.

"Oh fuck," I managed. Her fingers rested on my sex with only a thin layer of soaking material between us.

"Feels pretty wet to me. Makes me wonder something."

"What?" I gasped. I almost managed not to hump her hand. Almost, the movements of my hips were slight.

"If I were to fingerfuck you right here. Would you let me?"

"I couldn't stop you."

"Yes, you could," she whispered, leaning close enough that I could taste her breath. "All you would have to do is say, 'Morgan, please stop.' That's all."

I looked into her eyes. I did not say a single word.

Her gaze never left me. Her gray eyes, so dark in the shadow of the night tree, were nearly black. A single bright light shone from within them, reflecting off something, but I never knew what. Her face was stony, and for some reason, that was better than the naked desire I was used to seeing, whether it was Sarah, or Ash, or Lauren. Her expression said that I was about to be fingered and that was it. She scarcely had an opinion on the matter.

She never even kissed me. I felt her hand move up, then inside my panties, her fingers brushing over my pussy. Her eyebrows went up. "Somebody shaves."

"You...fuck!" Whatever I was going to say utterly vanished on a molten rocket as her finger ran the length of my slit and hooked inside me. I gasped, grasping her shoulders, going up on my toes. For a delirious moment I was worried that she would lift me up from inside me. I was helpless, captive, Morgan's strong hand holding me in place even as she beckoned against the rough place just inside my body.

"You gonna cum?" she teased. "Right here?"

I was, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. The orgasm battered at me instantly, fueled both by her expert touch and her dominant mien. She would make me cum, whether I liked it or not. Like a rollercoaster, I was out of control and all I could do was scream, but even that would betray me.

"Rodrigo's right over there, isn't he? Think he can see?" she said, continuing to stroke.

I turned my head only with difficulty. Her gaze was a physical force, and I had the crazy notion that I only could move because she'd given me permission. She was right, Rodrigo was walking slowly to where his bike was chained to the rack, peering back into the darkness.

"Look. At. Me," Morgan said.

I turned back, my body writhing of its own accord. A whimper escaped my lips. "Oh fuck, Morgan."

She pulled her fingers from me and I felt so empty. A sudden cold fell over me like a blanket, but the shivers she had placed inside me kept their delightful buzzing.

She brought her hand up. My spicy scent, pungent from the game, washed over my nose. Her first two fingers glistened in the diffuse sodium lights. She pressed them to my lips and I took them in, sucking my juices from her.

"Good girl," she said, working them in and out, as though she were fucking my mouth. She pulled them out with a grin. Then, roughly, she spun me around. I gave a surprised grunt as she pressed me into the pine tree. "We're going to do this right," she said.

She dropped to her knees behind me, and in one motion, yanked my shorts and panties down around my ankles. The soft night air caressed my soaking nudity. I knew I had to look like a slut. Her slut, I thought, and the next shiver drew wonderful sensation over me.

She gave me another yank, pulling my hips out. I arched my back, steadying myself against the tree, spreading my legs as far as the garments pooling at my ankles would let me. I wanted to give her something to look at, to see how lucky she was that I was going to give myself to her.

Her breath tickled the backs of my thighs, my ass, then it washed over my sex. Already dripping with sweat and arousal, the cool breeze washing over my lips pulled another shiver from me.

It grew closer and closer, and then the heat of her mouth was right on me, tickling where my ass curved into my thighs. Then it was over my sex and I strained, pushing back to feel her touch. Her tongue touched the soft flesh back there, running up my leg. I felt her breath closing inexorably on me, my heart hammering with anticipation.

She dragged her tongue lightly on me, closer and closer. A moan escaped my lips. Her hands went to my ass, stroking me, drawing the gooseflesh out with her nails. She spread me and she eliminated the last bit of distance. As her mouth opened my sex, her nose came to rest between my crack, its tip against my asshole. The act, how familiar, how obscene, how wonderful, pulled another shiver up my spine. She was accepting me, all of me. She wanted the smell of me, my sweat, my arousal, my everything.

"Oh fuck, Morgan," I moaned.

"That's the idea." Her voice was muffled, the words tickling my lips.

I squealed as I felt her mouth against my pussy, biting down on my hand and shutting my eyes against the pleasure. She was not delicate and she was not cautious. I stuck my ass out as far as it would go, getting my pelvis horizontal, giving her access. She brushed my clit, then ran her tongue down my lips, only to plunge inside me. She was soft and hard at the same time.

She knew exactly what she was doing. She pressed down on my button, relenting, lashing, then down again, and in. She built the pleasure in me quickly. It was the game too, all the physical exertion, priming me, and now this. That she was drinking my scent, the way I was after a game, it was an acceptance that I'd never gotten. She wanted me this way, and that, even more than the undeniable skill of her mouth, had my insides boiling over in mere moments.

I stuffed my knuckles in my mouth, muffling my increasingly frantic cries. Morgan showed no mercy. Her strong hands gripped my thighs, never letting me move away from her rhythm. The orgasm pounded against me, desperate to claw its way out, each pass of her tongue eroding what little control I had.

I pushed backwards, trying to get her deep, trying to get her to hit my button one final time and send me over the edge. She didn't disappoint. She pulled me with sudden force, her tongue filling me like never before, and I broke. The pleasure exploded upward from my sex, through my belly, to my pounding heart. My pussy gripped at her tongue as though to keep it inside me as quakes enveloped my body.

I leaned against the tree, my naked lower half stuck obscenely out as I shuddered with the aftershocks. Morgan stood and gave me a stinging slap that stirred the pleasure in me and woke me from my delirium. "Pull your pants up," she said.

Wobbly, I obeyed her, then turned, leaning heavily on the tree behind me. She smiled, taking me in her arms. Her mouth was soft now, her tongue spicy with my flavor. "What the fuck?" I breathed into her mouth, my hands tangling in her long hair.

"I'm sorry. Since you came onto me, I can't get you out of my head." She nibbled on my lip and went for another deep kiss.

"You shot me down."

"Because you were drunk." I held onto her, my head against the pillows of her breasts. She was so strong. "Now, can I buy you something at the Squatch?"

"Sure, yeah. I might need a little help getting there."

She chuckled. "Yeah, you cum like a rocket."

"I do when someone does that."

"I'll remember that."

I followed her to the Squatch, my body still trembling from what she had done. I drove, but the truth was, I was drunk with her. We ordered our food, and it was maddening because she was acting like she always had. She sat on the other side of the table, there was no sense of what we'd just shared. No sense that she had to still be tasting me on her tongue.

When the waitress brought us our drinks and she was sipping her soda I finally lost it. "What the fuck was that?" I hissed.

"A cherry Coke?" she hazarded.

"You know what I mean."

"I thought you were into it."

"I was!"

"Then good."

"But like..." I gestured to the two of us.

"You're going back to L.A., what, next month?"

"The end of next month, yeah."

"And I'm going back to Seattle at the same time."

"Yeah."

"So what can we be?"

"I don't know."

"Are you asking to be my summer girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"Sure."

"Was that so hard?"

She giggled. "Okay, fine. I was going for a mysterious thing."

"I'm not usually...like this," I said. "It's just that what happened at school...I'm a little gunshy."

"Okay, now I'm gonna need the story."

I sighed and told her. The age-old tale of a young lady who wants to fuck her roommate, but her roommate finds a guy, so the young lady watches them fuck, but the boyfriend figures it out, wrangles a threesome, and now the young lady might be in love with him.

I had to stop the story halfway through when the server brought our food. When I was finished, Morgan was laughing, shaking her head. "Yeah, that's a pickle."

"I didn't want a guy!"

"And now you want a guy. It happens. He has to be cute."

"Ugh. He is. I just want to moosh his face."

"If you want my advice, he'll come back to you."

"Yeah, but Lauren."

"I think she's a lost cause. At least in the short term. Your boyfriend really needs a crash course in proper threesome etiquette."

"It was my first one too. Pretty flattering though."

"Yeah, but the cost was Lauren."

"I know, I know." I paused, sipping my Coke. "You're cool with this?"

"Yeah. I like you a lot, but I don't do long distance and you're still pretty young."

"I'm like five years younger than you."

"That's a lot! Won't be in ten years, but it's not ten years."

"What about next summer?"

She grinned. "We'll see. Let's not worry about next summer. We have what, seven weeks? Let's enjoy those."

"Well, okay then," I sighed. If I had to picture what I wanted when I went off to college, my picture would have looked a lot like Morgan. Now I had her, but not really.

"Don't be glum," she said. "I'll take you out tomorrow night."

"I want you to take me home tomorrow night."

"That's what happens after dates. Well, good ones anyway."

Despite how excited I was for the date, I slept like a log that night. Probably thanks to what she'd done to me. I went to work in a haze, checking the clock every five minutes for quitting time. I went home after my shift and I took a long shower to wash the popcorn stink off and give myself a fresh shave. I put on a figure-hugging minidress with a light cardigan, and some strappy sandals. My makeup was light. It was girlier than I usually went, but that's how I was feeling.

"You look good!" my mother said as I came out of my room. She was on the sofa, petting Romeo and watching TV. "Another party?"

"Date. Girl I met at soccer."

"Have fun. Call me if you stay out late."

"I will."

I watched the front and when Morgan's car pulled up, I was out the door. I didn't quite think I could handle my mother fawning over my date, and I wasn't sure how she'd take the age difference. Since Morgan brought it up, I'd been a little self-conscious.

As I came down the walkway, Morgan was getting out of the car. One look at me and broke into a smile. "I didn't realize you were gonna get so dolled up."

"I didn't know where we were going."

"Dinner and a movie on a broke-ass law student. But you look incredible."

"You too," I said. She was wearing a pair of nice shorts, a t-shirt adorned with an off-center silver butterfly, and a light jacket. My usual unform. I wouldn't complain about anything that put her legs on display. They seemed to go on forever. When we sat down to the movie--some romcom with Ryan Reynolds, who I had to admit was cute--I could barely follow it because I kept looking over at the expanse of smooth skin next to me.

She took me to the cheapest Japanese place in town and I'd complain but I grew up on their teriyaki bowls. All I could think was how gorgeous she looked. The food was hardly a concern.

"What is your favorite movie?" she asked before putting a forkful of rice in her mouth.

If there was one question any film student got, it was that one. "I don't have an answer to that. There's too many and it's too mood-dependent. I mean, Bound is up there."

"I've never seen that one."

"Wait, you're bi and you've never seen Bound? It's by the Wachowskis, who did The Matrix and it's this really cool neo-noir story."

"How does that relate to my being bi?"

"It's a romance between Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon."

She stared at me. "Why the fuck did we just watch Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock when that was an option? Forget it, next time you pick the movie."

"I love the classics too. Some Like it Hot, is great. All About Eve is unreal, it's so good."

"No, I want more sapphic kinds of things."

"There was a whole subgenre in the '70s about lesbian vampires."

She sighed. "Why did I never date a movie nerd before you?"

I shrugged. "Bad taste?"

"You don't know the half of it. Come on, let's walk off dinner."

We went down the waterfront, and she took my hand. It was then that I realized that this was what I had wanted from college. I'd wanted a girlfriend I could just be a couple with. None of Sarah's panicking about her parents or her church finding out. I had to come home to get what I wanted. We could take walks and hold hands. I could just be near her.

Suddenly, I didn't mind that she would be gone for the year, because she'd be here. I leaned into her and she leaned back into me. "Want to go home?" she asked, her voice rusty.

"Your home? Yes."

"Good," she said.

Morgan only lived five blocks away from me. I sat in the passenger side of the car, shivering even though it wasn't cold. We pulled up in front of her house and I must have seen it before. As a kid I'd ridden all around the neighborhood on my bike. Had I passed Morgan out in her yard without ever knowing it? Had I seen her and it had faded into the slurry of memory? It didn't matter now, because we were together.

The house was even a cottage-style home like mine, although while my mother kept an eclectic garden of local plants, Morgan's featured a squared-off lawn with hedges. She led me around the side where a cement staircase led to a basement doorway. She opened it up and turned on the light, showing off her apartment.

"Ta-dah," she said.

"I love it," I said, and I meant it. The only downside was that it was mostly a single room, with a bed facing a TV and a few chairs on one side. A door was open into a small bathroom. While she'd made a few attempts to make it homey, this was a temporary stop. It didn't have much in the way of decoration, but it didn't look like a child's room the way mine did. Being there made me feel like I was going forward rather than back.

"It's private and it's free. That's the important thing." She took me in her arms, looking deep into my eyes.

"It's got me thinking about my first real place."

"It's not that. I mean, my dad's upstairs."

"Close enough, right?"

She smiled, and I watched a flicker of nervousness wash over her features. "What?" I asked.

"There's something I was hoping to do tonight."

"Is it sex?" I asked.

"Oh yeah." She kissed my nose, and reached for her with my mouth and she moved away. "I don't want to scare you."

"You won't. What is it?"

Her teeth worried her lower lip. "Have you ever used a strap-on?"

My eyes widened. "Used or had one used on me?"

"Had one used on you."

"No."

Her eyebrows reached for the ceiling. "Used one?"

"Also no."

She shot me an adorably annoyed look. "Okay, fine. I want to use one on you. Are you game?"

I nodded. "Yeah. It seems like fun."

"Good," she sighed. "It does mean that we're gonna get going and I'll have to get up to do some prep-work. Just so that doesn't kill the mood."

My mind was already running in overdrive. Unlike with Sarah, I wasn't thinking of anyone or anything else. I was thinking only of Morgan and what she was going to do to me. My insides were melting, soaking my panties. "I don't think anything could kill the mood."

She smiled. "Good." She let me go, then lit a candle by the bedside, filling the room with the clean scent of wax. She kicked off her shoes, and I pulled off my sandals. The lights went out, and all we had was the molten gold of the flame dancing over the molten wax. She took me in her arms again, this time gently sweeping me up into a bridal carry.

A delicious shiver passed through my body, starting at my sex, then up my spine. She kissed me once, her lips soft, a promise of what would come. Then, gently, she lay me on her bed. She was over me then, arms on either side, leaning down to pepper my face and neck with kisses. She was insistent, her face falling to my neck, teasing the supple flesh there. Morgan's kiss was amazing, pulling pleasure up from my body. She had the strength of my boyfriends but the tenderness of my girlfriends. I found myself ready for her, already dreaming of what she was going to do to me.

She sat up, pulling her top off. Her breasts bounced into view, clad in a robust bra. She broke into a smile as she looked down at me. "I wish you could see your face. Like a kid on Christmas."

"How do you carry those things around?" I asked, my hands going to them unbidden, massaging the wonderfully squishy globes. I teased her nipples through the fabric, watching them harden.

"It's not easy," she said, reaching behind her and undoing the bra. She shrugged it off, dropping it by the side of the bed. Her breasts were now before me, and they were the stuff of fantasy. Massive but well-shaped, and topped with wide, pink nipples, I wanted to explore their pillowy expanse. Her rosy areolae were already pebbled with gooseflesh and she sighed as I brushed over the hard flesh with my hands.

"You see why I have to basically tie them down to play."

"They're amazing."

"If I'd known you were so into boobs, I would have shown more cleavage."

"I'm not, but like...I know beauty when I see it. I like the ocean more than the mountains, but I'm not turning down a good mountain."

She laughed. "How are you so fucking sexy one moment and a total goober the next?"

I shrugged. "I've got layers, Morgan." I sat up trying to hold both her breasts in my hand and only partly succeeding. I sucked a nipple into my mouth, toying with it with my teeth and tongue.

"Oh fuck," she whispered.

I looked up, playing with the other. "Sensitive nipples?"

She nodded, her hips going up and down on an imaginary cock. "Very."

"Well then," I said, returning to my suckling. She held me as I explored her incredible breasts. I followed their swelling, up and down, always circling back to her pale nipples. She hissed in pleasure every time I took one in my mouth. I alternated, caressing one, sucking the other, then switching.

I felt her shivering through the sweet globes. She was moving more, her hips now grinding into my lap. That caress, over two layers of cloth, but the sight of her, the amazing shape of her, and I was boiling.

I wanted more. My hands fell to her shorts, and I undid the snap, the fly opening up of its own accord. "Shorts off," I breathed, returning to suck her breasts.

"You have to give me a second." She dismounted on shaky legs. She shimmied out of her shorts, then pulled her panties down and off, revealing a fetching pussy as bald as mine.

"Somebody shaves," I teased.

She straddled me once again, and I caught her scent now, hanging between us. Musky and fresh, it called to me. I kissed her breasts, then wiggled down on her bed, cupping her ass in my hands. The muscles, beneath a sleek layer of fat, flexed.

"Oh god," Morgan breathed.

I eased down until I was directly below her sex. It was open, the pink innerfolds beckoning. Droplets of moisture clung to her lips. I pulled her down and reached up. My first taste was light, running my tongue up her inner thigh, finding where her juices had covered her flesh. Her taste was subtle, beckoning me as surely as her fingers had.

I found her lips, tracing their edges, sucking the lacy flesh into my mouth, finding pockets of flavor. I slid my tongue inside her, getting the stronger, muskier taste of her, then back out. My tongue danced away from her clit whenever I drew close.

She was moving now, her hips hunting me. She wanted me against her button. So I gave her a taste, one brush over the hardening nubbin. She sucked in a breath, thrusting against my mouth in a single jerky motion. I felt her fingers pushing into my hairline, drawing me into her sex.

"Fuck, Nat. Come on. You know what I want."

She ground her hips, driving her button to my lips. I relented from time to time, giving her a lick, then sucking her into my mouth. She cried out, pressing down, and for a moment, I was drowning in juice. Then her hips moved away, and I returned to her folds.

I ate the banquet she gave me, slurping her lovely sex. Her movements grew more and more exaggerated, her gasps followed by high-pitched squeaks. I measured her orgasm by the dripping of her pussy, swallowing her thick juices and teasing more from her.

I caressed her ass, fascinated by the muscled hemispheres. She was getting loud, spasming on my face. I went for her clit, giving her all the attention at once, sucking and lashing. She broke into shuddering quakes, her juices flooding me.

I didn't stop, and she had to dismount, shivering, her gray eyes smoky. "Fuck, Nat. That was lovely."

"Any time," I said, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Get naked," she said, standing.

"When you ask so nice..." I teased. I squirmed out of my clothes, piece by piece. She watched me hungrily, her eyes snagging on the wet spot on the front of my panties.

"You are so gorgeous," she said.

"Look who's talking."

She climbed into bed, our soft flesh sliding over one another. I felt her sex against my thigh, leaving a trail of glistening moisture as she moved. I kissed her, my fingers running through her golden brown tresses. Our scents joined the candle.

Her hand went between my legs, brushing over my pussy. "I love how wet you get." I thrust into her exploration, but she refused to sink into me. She kissed me, this time hard. "Are you ready?" she asked.

"Very."

She sat up, leaning over to kiss me just above my slit. I cursed.

"Give me a second." She knelt by the bed and brought out a small trunk. I heard her opening it. She set a bottle of lube on the bedside table, and then stood up, holding the rattling, seductive harness. My eyes widened as I watched her step into it, pulling it up around her hips. A triangle of hard material pressed against her sex, while she tightened the buckles around her hips. Protruding from the center was a knobbed cylinder of purple plastic.

She gestured to it like a game show host showing off one of the incredible prizes. "What do you think?"

"It's something," I said, not really knowing what to say. I reached for it. To my eyes, it wasn't especially large, but it had a nice shape. I touched the strangely dry surface. The last cock I'd touched was Ash's, and this had none of its silky give.

"Needs lube," she said, picking up the bottle and squirting it over her palms, rubbing it into the plastic surface. The scent of cherries joined the wax of the candle and the persistent musk of our arousal. The sight of her masturbating the plastic cock sparked a bolt of pleasure in my pussy. "If you need more, don't hesitate to ask."

"Is this going to be good for you?"

She nodded. "Don't worry, there's some things on the inside that do good things to me. Plus, I get to watch you be fucked."

"That is pretty good," I had to admit.

She climbed onto the bed. I kissed her, reaching for the fake cock between her legs. It was such a surreal feeling. There was no movement against my hands, no desperate, hungry kisses, no moisture dripping from the tip. But it was her, a piece of her for now, and I wanted her inside me.

She kissed her way down my chest, tracing pattens over me. She was over my belly and I felt her falling inexorably. She spread me open, playing the same song she had in the park. She knew where I liked to be touched, and she was working swiftly, turning the trickle of my arousal into a river. I felt my sex covered in her saliva and my own juices. I tangled my fingers into her hair, pushing my hips into her face.

She did not stay long. This was not about oral, as fun as that was. She wanted to fuck me with her strap, and I wanted it too. She crawled up me, sliding her tongue into my mouth. I sucked my juices from her. Her hand went between our legs, and I felt the head of the dildo running over the lips of my pussy, tracing paths her tongue had only moments before. Spit merged with juice merged with lube. I was slicker than oil.

"Are you ready?" she asked breathlessly.

I nodded, my eyes meeting hers. She bit her lip, then gently eased her hips forward, and, guided by her hand, I felt the plastic enter me. I let out a ragged moan as it lit up my insides with pleasure. Not only for the sudden, wonderful fullness of sensation, but because it was her.

Morgan was inside me.

The sentence repeated itself in my mind, a delirious litany. I repeated it the way I would the movement of my sex. I wrapped my legs around her, locking my ankles behind her lower back, pushing my body onto the plastic shaft. Where it touched me, it threw bolts of boiling bliss into me. I wanted more.

She sank into me, driving her length in and up. We moved against one another, the two of us easily settling into a sweet rhythm. Her lips found mine, kissing as she gently fucked me. Her breasts were soft against mine. I found I loved the sensation of it, the blissful softness, made all the better as she rocked into me.

I felt the pleasure cresting in me without warning boiling over as a moan. It hit me at the crest of a thrust. I gripped the plastic cock with my pussy, my body quaking in bliss. She kept moving through this, bringing me back to earth with her soft fucking. I opened my eyes, finding her again, kissing her, brushing my fingertips over her face.

She broke into a breathless grin, pulling out of me. My hips chased her futilely. She sat back on her haunches, the purple plastic glistening obscenely between her legs.

"Turn over," she said.

"What?"

"I want you on your hands and knees."

I obeyed and she guided me to the position she wanted. I felt her behind me, but I couldn't see her. The anticipation only made it better. I spread my knees, knowing she could see my wet folds. My fingers balled into the covers as I waited for her next bout. I felt beautiful and whorish all at the same time, both cherished and used.

It was wonderful.

I felt the dildo at the gates of my body and shivered, a tiny bolt that wriggled through me, up my spine to the crown of my head. She pushed into me, the toy running over the most sensitive parts inside, sparking the lightning bolts of pure pleasure. I moaned, unable to make any other sound, rocking back on her, desperate to get her deeper. One hand gripped my hips, and the second pushed into my hair, taking me hard by the roots. The slight pain, the dominance, brought a shiver that turned into a tremble. My body was shaking now as she fucked me with confident strokes.

I could only rock on my hands and knees. Morgan fucked and I could hear her own breath coming faster. She didn't quite thrust like a man would, either. She entered me, then she ground her hips against my ass, only pulling for a short time to hit me again. My breath heaved in and out of me and she pulled me by hips and hair onto her fake cock. I wanted nothing more than this perfect act.

Each hit was harder, each swirl of her hips tighter. My moans were louder with each, merging with hers. She expertly stirred the boiling sensation inside of me, each one of her thrusts sparking my whole body. I felt them as fingers of electricity climbing through me, branching and spidering like bolts of lightning. My insides were pure light, and I opened my mouth to scream. Nothing but sobbing breath came out. Each thrust pushed a tiny grunt from me, the barest edge of incredible pleasure she brought.

She hammered the last into me, pressing her hips hard against my ass, teasing herself as she took me. She was deep inside me, as deep as she could go. I felt her begin to shake, losing control as the pleasure took her. She pressed to the absolute hilt, dragging her hips over me. I was utterly taken and that was when I broke. I could fight the pleasure no longer and it spilled out of every part of me, flashing like the lightning that brought it.

I screamed something, but I have no idea what it was.

I lost the next few moments. The next thing I knew, I was on my side, and Morgan was spooning me from behind, softly kissing the back of my neck. I shivered against the touch. I wanted her inside me again, but I didn't know if I could take it. I certainly couldn't then. I couldn't do anything other than lay there.

"I take it you liked that," she said.

"Oh yeah," I said, and a soft giggle escaped me.

"Good."

"I want to use it on you."

"Maybe next summer," she teased.

"So, there's a next summer."

Her lips stroked my ear. "If you're lucky."

"Fuck you. If you're lucky."

Now she chuckled. "Got that right."

I cuddled into her, relishing the press of her breasts against my back. Sleep came soon after.

My mother gave me a little shit for staying out all night, but not much, all things considered.

Morgan and I spent the summer together. I made her watch great movies. We had amazing sex. We were unstoppable together on the field. The summer of '09 was one of the best of my life. I cried a little when Morgan returned to Seattle.

"See you next summer, Wambach," she said the night before she drove up, kissing me lightly on the mouth.

Nothing was left but the clear blue sky, and I dyed my hair that shade just to help remember her by. I only had a week before I was going back to school, and I got to see if my life at school was still a trainwreck, or the hibernation of summer had solved things.

I saw Sarah only one more time that summer, when I was out with Morgan on one of our dates. We were at this Italian place where everyone went when they were growing up. Across the restaurant, I saw Sarah with her family, the other woman nowhere in sight. Our eyes met, and hers slid from mine to the back of Morgan's head. Then she looked away.

That wasn't the last of Sarah in my life, but that was it for a long while. When I returned to school for my sophomore year, I was ready to start over. When my thoughts turned to Ash, I wasn't even sad about it.